The Worthy Physician

Gratitude Without Guilt

• Dr. Sapna Shah-Haque MD

Share episode

Send us a text

We explore gratitude that doesn’t silence our pain, and how to protect peace during a heavy holiday season. We name the invisible load physicians carry and practice small, honest ways to feel thanks without a performance.

• difference between gratitude and guilt 
• holiday expectations that drain energy 
• invisible labor and emotional load at home and work 
• how Thanksgiving magnifies stress, grief and transition 
• why boundaries make gratitude real 
• three tools: microgratitude, privacy, protecting bandwidth 
• letting go of one thing to change the day 
• guided practice to ground safety, nourishment and release

If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who loves it too
Don't forget to follow us on YouTube, LinkedIn, Instagram for more updates and insights

Though I am a physician, this is not medical advice. This is only a tool that physicians can use to get ideas on how to deal with burnout and/or know they are not alone. If you are in need of medical assistance talk to your physician.


Learn more about female physicians' journey through burnout to thriving!
https://www.theworthyphysician.com/books

Let's connect for speaking opportunities!
https://www.theworthyphysician.com/dr-shahhaque-md-as-a-speaker

Check out the free resources from The Worthy Physician:
https://www.theworthyphysician.com/freebie-downloads

Battle of the Boxes

21 Day Self Focus Journal

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to another episode of The Worthy Physician. I'm your host, Dr. Subman Shawk, reigniting your humanity and passion for medicine. With each episode, we bring you inspiring stories, actionable insight, and expert advice. Get ready for another engaging conversation that can change the way you think and live. Thanksgiving carries a certain expectation of gratitude for togetherness, joy, and having it all together.

SPEAKER_01:

But for many of us, especially physicians, this season can feel heavy. We're tired, we're holding emotional weight from work and life. Some of us are navigating, maybe being in a sandwich generation, or changes in life, new roles, new boundaries, new positions. Yet the world and sometimes even our own families expect us to show up with a smile and a list of things we're grateful for. Today's episode is about gratitude without guilt, what it means to practice gratitude that is not forced, performative, or rooted in self-betrayal. How to honor what you feel, all of what you feel while still finding peace. Let's get into it. So let's first discuss the difference between gratitude and guilt. There's a quiet truth we don't talk about enough. Not all gratitude is real or rather authentic. Many of us grew up listening that we should be grateful because others have it worse, or because complaining is ungrateful, or speaking up is disrespectful. We've been conditioned as physicians through keep going and be grateful for the privilege to serve. And while all that is true, it does not negate our reality. So I think often we can, not always, can masquerade our guilt as gratitude. It might sound something like I should just be thankful. I shouldn't feel upset. Look how much I have. I want to keep the peace, especially around the holidays. Or I don't want to ruin Thanksgiving. That's not gratitude. That's guilt wrapped with a bow. Gratitude is truthful. Guilt is actually self-silencing. And as women physicians, especially around this time of year, I think we carry an extra heavy burden. And our families we're the emotional anchors. And a lot of times at work as well. Managing childcare and soothing and trying to put out fires and ease the family tension. So many of us step into Thanksgiving already depleted. Then we feel guilty for not feeling joy. But let's try to reframe that. You don't owe anyone a performance. You don't owe anyone pretend gratitude. And there is no moral there is no moral failure in acknowledging that this year. Or maybe that this year has been hard. So what does that mean? It means that it's okay to maybe be thankful for a day off, but not so thankful or not so happy about the invisible responsibilities that it brings. Real gratitude is spacious, makes room for the hard and the beautiful at the same time. So heading into the holidays with maybe minimal sleep, little ankle biters interrupting every conversation or wanting your undivided attention, yet there are mountains of things to do in order to get ready for the family meal or to travel. And it's hard at times to keep those emotions together, which can lead to being like a pressure cooker, and some of the things that make that might make Thanksgiving heavy. Family expectations, conversations you don't want to have, emotional labor, grief over what the holiday used to be like growing up, knowing that those days are never going to come back, and that half of the people that used to sit around that table or be at the house are gone. And then the exhaustion of being a physician around the holidays, all the loose ends that need to be tied up before the holiday and then after the holiday, and everything that happens in between. It can magnify, Thanksgiving can magnify what is already happening in life. If you're in the season that the season of transition, the contrast can become sharper. The background noise in life can become louder. If you're feeling burned out or on the edge of moral injury, Thanksgiving can many times feel like one more thing to get through. Gratitude without boundaries becomes emotional labor. We often stretch ourselves then to avoid disappointing others. We say yes, even when we're tired, we say yes, we say yes, we say yes. The people pleaser kind of kicks in. We agree to conversations we don't want to have. We hold the peace even when no one else is holding it for us. We hold everybody else's peace around us except for ourselves. But you are allowed to protect your peace. Now what I'm acknowledging here is the exhaustion that does come with holidays. And the uh potential disappointment with not getting the to-do list all done. Or the emotional burden, the silent burden that we can carry. That does not mean that gratitude doesn't exist. It can coexist with feeling frustrated and feeling the emotional burden, but let's look at what cultivating gratitude looks like. So what does gratitude without guilt look like? Three things. One, microgratitude. Not sweeping, I'm grateful for everything, but I'm grateful for my morning coffee. I'm grateful for the quiet moment I got today. I'm grateful for the a particular conversation. Small and honest gratitude carries more power than large, forced gratitude. Number two, letting gratitude stay private. You don't have to declare gratitude for things you're still healing from. Maybe the death of a loved one, a change in life. You don't need to perform appreciation for people who have hurt you. Whether it be a friend, a family member, or a colleague, you're not required to make anyone feel comfortable at the expense of your own emotional truth. It is possible to hold that comfort and hold that boundary, and sometimes not saying anything is the strongest move. And number three, protecting your emotional bandwidth. Ask yourself, what is the one thing I can let go of this year? Maybe it's the cooking everything, maybe it's the hosting, maybe it's engaging in political or religious conversations with the uncle that you don't agree with. Maybe it's pretending that everything is fine, releasing one thing from your mental load, and sometimes physical load, can change the whole holiday. Gratitude becomes genuine when it flows from a grounded place, not a pressured one. This year I'm greatly looking forward to the holiday. Not because I don't have the emotional load or the invisible load to carry, but it's because I've chosen that it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be intentional, joy-filled, heartfelt, and centered around family. So as we close, let's close with a gratitude practice. And if you are driving, do this when you have a moment to sit undistracted. You can do this at your kitchen table or in a place where you have a quiet moment to yourself. Find stillness for just a few breaths. Let your shoulders drop. Notice the space you occupy with your whole body from head to toe. Now bring your attention to one thing that feels safe right now. Name it quietly to yourself. Then bring your attention to one thing that feels nourishing. A person, a place, a moment, and hold that in your mind gently. Now bring your attention to one thing you're ready to release. A thought, a responsibility, a pressure, anything. Let it loosen its grip. Now whisper to yourself, gratitude, when I'm ready, peace, even now. Remember, you are worthy of rest, you are worthy of peace, and you are worthy of a holiday that doesn't require you to abandon yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks for tuning in to another episode from the Worthy Physician Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who loves it too. Don't forget to follow us on YouTube, LinkedIn, Instagram for more updates and insights. Until next time, keep inspiring in the morning, morning, and living life.