The Burn Podcast by Ben Newman
Join Ben Newman, highly regarded Performance Coach, International Keynote Speaker and 2x WSJ Best-Seller, as he takes you into the minds of some of the highest performers in sports and business to tell their full story. The "Burn" is something we all have, but rarely do people uncover and connect to it. Ben helps people from all walks of life reach their true maximum potential.
Ben has worked with coaches and players from the last 6 Super Bowl Champion teams and currently serves as the Performance Coach for the Big 12 Champion Kansas State football team in his 9th season (3 National Championships at North Dakota State) with Head Coach Chris Klieman. Ben served 5 years as the Mental Conditioning Coach for the 18x National Champion Alabama Crimson Tide football team. Lastly, Ben also has served at his alma mater as a Performance Coach for Michigan State University’s football and basketball programs.
For the last two decades, Ben has been serving as the Peak Performance Coach for the top 1% of financial advisors globally and for Fortune 500 business executives.
Ben’s clients have included: Microsoft, United States Army, Anheuser-Busch InBev, Quicken Loans, MARS Snackfoods, AstraZeneca, Northwestern Mutual, AFA Singapore, Mass Financial Group, Frontier Companies, Wells Fargo Advisors, Great West Life Canada, Boston Medical Center, Boys & Girls Club of America, New York Life as well as thousands of executives, entrepreneurs, athletes and sales teams from around the globe.
Millions of people and some of the top performers in the world have been empowered by Ben through his books, educational content, coaching programs, podcast, and live events.
The Burn Podcast by Ben Newman
No Option to Quit | The Truth About Mental Toughness
In this episode of The Burn Podcast, we bring YOU directly inside the Mental Toughness Forum—a powerhouse gathering featuring some of the world’s most elite performers in sports, business, and personal growth.
Host Ben Newman is joined by an extraordinary lineup of speakers: Bo Eason, Dr. Jana Haywood, Drew Hanlen, Jen Gottlieb, and Michael Chandler. Each brings raw stories, proven strategies, and unshakable lessons on what it takes to build the mental toughness required to win—on and off the field.
🔥 Bo Eason reveals how declaring a dream at nine years old—and refusing to quit despite constant rejection—forged his toughness and took him all the way to the NFL.
🔥 Dr. Jana Haywood shares her journey through injury, transition, and coaching, reminding us that mental toughness is a muscle—one that must be trained daily to brace for life’s toughest moments.
🔥 Drew Hanlen, NBA skills coach, breaks down “The 5 Whats” that change everything—what you’re avoiding, what unforced errors you’re making, and what you truly want—while challenging YOU to stop playing small and start doing the work.
🔥 Jen Gottlieb gets real about vulnerability, authenticity, and fear—showing how true toughness is facing discomfort head-on and proving to yourself that temporary pain leads to permanent growth.
🔥 Michael Chandler, UFC fighter, defines toughness not by brute strength but by perseverance, faith, and the relentless pursuit of your goals—even through failure, setbacks, and 688 days without a win.
Together, these voices deliver a message that will light YOU up: success is built on discipline, resilience, and the ability to get back up one more time than you’ve been knocked down.
This is more than motivation—it’s a roadmap. The lessons, tools, and stories shared here will help YOU silence the noise, embrace discomfort, and build the mental toughness required to achieve YOUR greatest potential.
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Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/SiVV2goZWnI
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I am Ben Newman, and our team couldn't be any more fired up about the opportunity to host you, to bring you some of the highest performers in the world of sports and business to highlight the importance of mental toughness in your life when you look back on your success, the periods of time when you've been most successful, if we were to have a one-on-one conversation and you were able to explain to me exactly what it was that made you successful during that period of time, I would bet that there was some mental toughness that played a significant role in that success. You know, oftentimes it's the trials, the tribulations, the adversity, the challenge that build our greatest strength, that build our greatest muscle, that build our greatest confidence. You know, confidence does not come from talent. Confidence comes from discipline, and part of that discipline is not just putting in the hard work, it's also understanding the mental toughness side of what it takes to achieve peak performance. Having had the opportunity to work with some of the highest performers in the world of sports and business for almost 20 years, I've seen champions at the highest possible level. I know what it takes and that's why I know, if we were to go back to your stories, many of the things I've seen with these champions would relate to why you drove success during that period of time. So, in a world right now that is full of so much clutter, I want to encourage you to silence all the noise, not just the outside noise, but even that internal voice, maybe the things that hold you back in your life. So I believe that the messages that we will bring to you are messages that are going to change your life, messages that are going to change how you show up, messages that are going to solidify what I know to be the truth that your success is measured in your ability to get back up one more time than you've been knocked down. That is mental toughness.
Speaker 1:Mental toughness is recognizing that when you rise up and when you continue to attack, and when you don't just focus on the process, you have intentional focus on the process, and when you don't just trust the process, you attack the process. You can fight through anything. And look back on that period of time that I've already alluded to, where you drove the highest possible level of your success. You probably weren't focused on the results that you couldn't control. You probably pulled those results down, put them right in front of your face, identified the daily disciplines, the behaviors, the habits and with that intentional focus, one day at a time, you attacked that opportunity to be your best. So that's what this forum is all about Silencing the noise, silencing the political. You're silencing anything about the economy, silencing anything that holds you back about the economy, silencing anything that holds you back.
Speaker 1:And hearing messages of these unbelievably high-performing individuals to connect you back to that period of time, that mindset, when you were unbreakable, when you were relentless, when you were uncommon, when you were hammering the standard in your life. And I think you're going to hear some amazing stories that are going to light you up. But more important than just stories and emotion are the tools that I know that will be shared, that when you choose to implement them in your daily life, they will change everything about how you show up. You've learned about our programming through social media, or maybe from a friend Many of you are part of Uncommon Live or maybe our Standard Elite Mastermind, or maybe our Coach to Coaches program, or maybe I've come to speak to your organization so you can have constant stories, constant tools that are right at your fingertips the burn standard over feelings, the four P's of the standard, which is now recognized as the tool in the industry for driving intentional focus on a daily basis, to lock you in to the intentional discipline that is needed to win one day at a time, because that's how winning is done.
Speaker 1:So that all these lessons that you learn, the notes that you take, maybe that one message, that one tool that makes the difference, that you can learn to apply it every day by utilizing the four p's of the standard to help you continue to win more in your life, we want to become a part of your life, part of your journey, part of your daily discipline. We want to win more together.
Speaker 2:Hey, my name is Bo Eason and we're going to talk about mental toughness today. I'm a former NFL player, I'm a former Broadway playwright, A lot of formers, I train people, I coach, I'm a speaker. I love this conversation about mental toughness because we, I think there's a, there's a really cool way to address it and and to even know if we have it, if I have it or you have it, I don't think I, I don't think I would understand the mental toughness that I that I've had in my life until I go back and look at my dreams. So let's do that Like so.
Speaker 2:When I was nine years old, I had this dream of being the best safety in the whole world. That's a position in football, that's a position in the NFL safety. So I wanted to be the best in the whole world at the age of nine, right. So that that I couldn't achieve that dream until I got drafted into the NFL and started playing in the NFL. So that was many, many years into my future, right. But I always wonder if I never declared that dream, would I even know if I had mental toughness or not? I don't think I would have understood. I don't think I would have known. But since I had a dream and since I made a declaration that I'm going to be something I'm going to live into, something, I did learn over those 17, 18, 19 years that I was tough, much tougher than I thought I was mentally, because the whole time it seemed like the whole 17 years it was nothing but rejection on my way to this dream, right? So I remember the first time I ever played tackle football.
Speaker 2:I was like a kid, I was like 12 or 13 years old and my first year in high school, and I was so little that when they put me on the scale the coach kind of laughed because I was so little. And he I said, well, I have this dream of being the, you know, the, the, the best safety in the world. Yet I'm too small, you know. So the coach would laugh and people would laugh and say you can't be the best safety in the world because you're, you're too little. And I'm like, well, aren't I going to grow? Right, you know, but I didn't quit, right? I think, uh, think a weak minded person, right then, with that kind of pushback from the coach and the other players, that you're too small to achieve your dream, most people would quit. But I just didn't give my myself an option. I had one option and that option was to be the best safety in the world in many years.
Speaker 2:That gives you mental toughness. Just the creation of the dream hands you mental toughness, because what do we know is going to happen? We know a lot of rejection is going to come. We know a lot of obstacles are going to present themselves on this journey to being the best. So I think the key to being mentally tough is actually the first part. The key to being mentally tough is actually the first part. The first part is declaring that dream that's going to make you mentally tough or it's going to reveal to you whether you're tough or not. But if you don't have any options to be the second best safety in the NFL, then you're pretty much. That dream is going to come true and you're going to test your will and test your mental toughness, and that's certainly what I did.
Speaker 2:So, for example, you guys, when I left high school, you know, no, no college offered me a scholarship and I'm like thinking, well, how am I going to keep my dream alive if no college offers me a scholarship, if I'm going to be the best safety in the world. I've got to play safety in college, but 350 colleges didn't offer me a scholarship. So what did I do? I just went over to a small college near my hometown and I walked on there. They didn't even give scholarships. They were a Division II college. Hometown. And I walked on there, they didn't even give scholarships, they were a division two college. I just walked on there and said, hey, I'm Bo and I want to play here because I want to achieve this dream of being the best safety in the whole world. Well, they didn't necessarily want me there either, right, but I, I, I stayed, even though they, I stayed, even though they weren't excited about having me there, I just stayed, right, I stayed. That's what I call mental toughness staying when you're not invited right, pursuing your dream.
Speaker 2:Despite the evidence of you not being big enough, not being fast enough, not being good enough of achieving your dream, you still keep going forward with no option to quit. I think the problem with most people is they have the option to quit their own dreams. And my kids often, you know, they get mad at me because they have these really impossible dreams. So sometimes they get frustrated and they cry and they cry and they say this dream is too hard. And I say you know what? Your dream is going to come true and it can't not come true. It is going to come true. The only way for it not to come true is you're going to have to tell me that you quit. You quit on your own dream. You're going to have to tell me that, and as soon as you tell me that, then that dream will be over. Okay, so that's the only way that this dream is not coming true. So now my kids know that there's no option but to quit. You're either going to fulfill on the dream or you're going to quit. Well, if there's no option to quit, your dream is going to come true.
Speaker 2:I call that mentally being very tough Declaring a dream and then having no options but for it to come true. Declaring a dream and then having no options but for it to come true. Now, many years later, you guys you'll be happy to know that I did get to play college football right, even though I didn't have a scholarship. I became the top safety in the country. I got drafted into the nfl as a top safety, into the NFL as a top safety, got to play several years in the NFL and had, you know, seven knee surgeries while I played Right. So that dream fulfilled on itself only because I had the mental acuity as to not quit and I had no options. So I didn't quit and my dream came true.
Speaker 3:To me, mental toughness is all about developing the muscle of your mind.
Speaker 3:In my book I talk about an experience that I had, really that led from one thing to the next during college, and it was the first time that I really experienced adversity in a way that I was able to name or able to appreciate the importance of developing this muscle of mental toughness. And so we are always either holding one or two things. So with the book I say move without the ball. So on one hand, you may have the prize and you're attempting to sustain that. You want to keep performing at a high level, or, on the other hand, you may be pursuing your ball, you may be pursuing the achievements, the goals that you've set for yourself, and so you have to have some things set up in place in order for that to happen. And so in this passage in the book I talk about, you know, graduating from high school, thinking, okay, I've arrived, I'm going to be able to go out and contribute to the team, only to sit on the bench the entire season. And so for me it was just so mentally taxing because I didn't understand the why or what I needed to be doing in order to change that reality. So I had a decision to make and thank goodness for coaches and other things that have happened in my life that said, you can do this. Get up, make a plan, execute your plan, monitor your plan, adjust and keep moving. And so I did that in the off season. Everything's in alignment to where I want it to be. So I've now earned a spot in the starting lineup. It's exhibition game. I go out and I mean I could not miss y'all. Everything I put up was going in Defensive stops. I get a steal, I'm going down the court, just like I have a thousand a million times before, and I jump up to take a layup and as I come down, I know in excruciating pain that something is wrong. In fact, I knew in that moment that I had tore my ACL in a non-contact situation. And so the book talks about transitions, because think about non-contact there are so many things that happen that can impact our mental toughness. That are those non-contact moments. You don't see it coming, you didn't expect it to happen, but it does. And so what are you going to do? How are you going to get back up? Or how are you going to rise up out of the ashes of what is a very painful experience, and so I had a decision to make once again Am I going to throw in the towel? Is this going to be the end, or am I going to get up, fortify myself, listen to my coaches, do my prayer, my meditation, do my visualization, lift my weights. What is it that I was going to do?
Speaker 3:Muscle toughness is a groove that we developed, that we develop every single day, the same way we develop the muscle of our hamstrings or our biceps. You have to lift those weights so that when you need that muscle, it'll activate, and there are so many muscles that our bodies that we have no idea when we're gonna need them. But when you're moving furniture, when you're out competing on the field, when you are in the boardroom having to make a big decision, that's when you know if you have done adequate training of that muscle. I'm in a season right now, though, that I think is really pertinent and applicable to this moment, as I'm sharing with you. Sometimes we are developing the muscle and the groove for ourselves, but what I know is that no lesson is ever lost and that we are not just here as a testament for ourselves, but as a testimony for others, and so I have been in the midst of individuals who definitely have not had, maybe, the opportunity to develop their mental toughness muscle in the way that is necessary in order to be one of the highest performers in any sector whether it be business, sports or life at this point.
Speaker 3:And so I've been able to draw on moments such as the one I just shared with you to share with them, because there's something really powerful about co-regulating someone who is dysregulated. They don't have the ability, because of that heart and head connection at that moment, to do for themselves what they need to do, and that's what makes being a coach so powerful, because we have the skills, we have the opportunity to provide some coaching, some guidance, some co-regulation, until the person is back at the point where they can do it for themselves, or until they have a toolkit that's deep enough, moves that are great enough to be able to accomplish it on their own. And so an example of this is recently and kind of a vulnerable thing for me I had the opportunity to travel with my daughter who is, you know, nationally ranked she's in the top five in the nation for her class in the game of basketball and she was having an experience that she had not had before. It wasn't a physical fall, but certainly it was one that impacted her heart and her head, and I had to be there, not initially to give her tools and tips around how to develop the muscle, but just to co-regulate her, to be able to be an example through the sharing of testimony, through the sharing of experience and then through, you know, literally holding and breathing, to get her back to a place where she could perform. And I use her as an example, but there are so many others in my professional life when people are experiencing downsizing, being able to share opportunities that are in other industries, as a way to ensure, but encapsulate, that you can do this. It's hard, it's going to be hard, life is hard, but you can do it.
Speaker 3:I'm reminded right now of the book Broken Open, and in this book, broken Open by by Elizabeth Lester, she talks about a rose and how roses are around really tight, and how we are, symbolically, or a version of a rose. But when we become vulnerable, the opening up as a result of the being broken is where our beauty really is and that's where the mental toughness is as well. All of us have it inside, but it's how we're able to surrender to those moments of brokenness, to those moments of vulnerability where our insecurities might be exposed. But in order for us to strengthen them, we have to be willing to expose them. I think about the scripture, to be willing to expose them. I think about the scripture as a man think with his heart, so is he, and we know our hearts can't think, but our hearts definitely hold the treasure chest of our beliefs, and our beliefs dictate our behaviors.
Speaker 3:And so mental toughness is not only about you know being able to get off the ground from a physical injury in the game of sports, but it's about being able to get up from the injuries that life will throw our direction, whether they be things that you see coming or things that you absolutely didn't know were going to happen in that moment.
Speaker 3:But what I can tell you with great assurance and knowledge is that you absolutely can get up. You will get up with proper supports. One of the things that happened when I tore my ACL almost immediately was that the trainer and the doctor said you have to get in the gym and continue to build up your quad and your hamstring, because those muscles are what we're going to brace you, as we do, the really difficult work of rehabbing your knee, and that was really pivotal for me as a physical reminder around. Sometimes you're going to get bumped, sometimes you know you're going to get knocked down, but it's important to have built up this mental toughness muscle so that you're able to brace for those things. And not only brace, but get stronger, get faster, jump higher, go further and reach all your goals. So, no matter what life throws your way, keep moving the five, what's that will change everything?
Speaker 5:the first what is what are you avoiding that, you know, deep down, will change everything. We all know exactly what we need to be doing but, for whatever reason, there's a lot of times where we just avoid those things. You know, think about it. What are the conversations that you're avoiding that would greatly improve your relationships with your loved ones? We all have those conversations. If we just stopped avoiding them and actually had them, we could move on and grow our relationship and improve our relationships with the people we care about most. What about the work that we're not doing and avoiding? You know that would greatly improve our finances, that would greatly improve our job status, that would greatly improve our health and fitness, but we are avoiding the work that's required to get those things. You know, what about all the habits and what about all the changes that we are avoiding that we know if we made, we would improve our lives? You, you know, I have a personal story about avoiding something that ended up helping me because I stopped avoiding it, and hopefully it'll inspire you to stop avoiding the work that you know you need to do too.
Speaker 5:When I was a freshman in high school, I was very talented offensively. I could shoot the ball well, I could dribble the ball well, pass the ball well. I had great skills. But I was avoiding doing the work to become a good defender. I thought because I was talented offensively, I didn't need to play defense. I didn't need to put in the work to become a good defender. Sure enough, my high school coach thought differently. You know, we always talk about great coaches. Don't let you do what you want, but they require you to do what you need. And that's exactly what my coach did. He said Drew, I know you want to play offense, I know you want to work on defense, but you're avoiding the work that's required to become a good defender and you need to do those things if you want to be a college scholarship player. Well, I really wanted to be a college scholarship player, and so I stopped avoiding the work and put in the work and became a good defender. So much so that my junior, going into senior year, I found myself matched up with the number one point guard recruit in the country, kendall Marshall. He was a point guard that was getting recruited and ended up taking a scholarship at North Carolina and then played in the NBA. Here. I was matched up with him and you know, obviously he was way more talented than I was. He was a guy that was way more recruited than I was. He was way more sought after than I was, but I was matched up with him and I was ready to take on that matchup. Sure enough, that day I had a solid offensive game. I was two for three from the field eight points, but that's not crazy impressive. That was actually below my normal averages, but defensively I was a standout. I held him the number one recruit in the country to one for 11 from the field, meaning he made one shot, he he missed 10 and that's what caught the eyes of so many college coaches.
Speaker 5:I remember after the game, getting back to my hotel and my high school coach and my AAU coach were like Drew, you don't understand how many coaches have called us and said they're now interested in you and it was all because of your defensive performance. Again, for a while I was avoiding the work that it was required to become a good defender. My coach didn't allow me to do that. He forced me to play defense. He forced me to work at it and, sure enough, that's what led me to the college scholarship that I ended up accepting Belmont University, where I ended up going, graduating, playing for and playing in two NCAA tournaments. So let me ask you, what is the work that you're avoiding? That, you know, would change everything. Now, just like my coach forced me to do it, I'm going to tell you and encourage you. You got to make those changes. You got to stop avoiding it. The second what? What unforced errors are you making and what are they costing you?
Speaker 5:Let's think about if you're a tennis fan and you're watching your favorite tennis player in the finals of a Wimbledon match. You're on the edge of your couch. You're so excited. It's a Sunday, it's one of the biggest matches of that tennis player's life. And they get to serve first, and they throw the ball up and boom, they smack it and the first serve goes into the net. You're thinking, that's all right, they got a little jitters, you know.
Speaker 5:And in tennis you get two chances to, you know, serve it over the net and put it in play. Well, guess what? That second serve. They throw it up and boom, they smack it, and again it goes into the net. Now you're thinking, man, that's a bad start, that was stupid. They got to avoid double faulting. If they want to win. Then they switch sides. They go up to their next serve and, third serve, bang, smack it into the net again. Now you're getting pissed off. You're like man.
Speaker 5:This Sunday was supposed to be fun. I'm watching my favorite tennis player in a big match. I want them to win, but they are not going to be able to win if they keep hitting the ball in the net. And then, sure enough, that fourth serve. They throw it up and, bam, they smack it in the net again. You're thinking there's no way that one of the best tennis players in the world can just keep double faulting. There is no chance that they're going to be able to win this match if they keep double faulting. God, this is stupid of them to keep doing. Well, guess what? A lot of us double fault our way through life. We keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, not making changes, and that is what ultimately keeps us living this okay, mundane life instead of living the great life that we could if we just improved those unforced errors. You can't keep doing the same thing, expecting different results, and a lot of times it's us that's holding ourselves back If you don't put the ball in play, you don't have a chance to win the point, and that's what most of us are doing.
Speaker 5:You know, I have a personal story. When I was in high school, you know, when I was 16, my dad ended up getting me a car, and it wasn't a great friends when I wanted to see them. But here I was, the check engine light popped up and I kept avoiding it. I kept, you know, not even looking at it, because I was like, ah, it doesn't matter, it's just a little engine. And sure enough, you know, I kept saying to myself I'm going to change the oil. I didn't do it, I'm gonna change the oil. I didn't do it, I'm gonna change the oil. And I didn't do it. And sure enough, one day I'm driving to practice and I found myself on the side of the highway because my car broke down. My engine failed. You know why? Because I didn't change the oil, something that would have cost me probably $40 to do, maybe even less at that time. But again, I kept making the unforced error of avoiding changing the oil. So there we go.
Speaker 5:Our first one was what are you avoiding? I was avoiding the check engine light. And then, what are the unforced errors. I kept repeatedly not changing the oil, and that found me on the side of the highway. So now ask yourself the second question what unforced errors are you making in your life right now? And then, what are they costing you? My unforced error to not change the oil cost me a car. You know what are the unforced errors that you're making and what is it costing you? The third one what are you doing that feels productive but it's actually keeping you stuck? I want you to think about that and I'm going to repeat that because it goes over most people's heads. What are you doing that feels productive but it's actually keeping you stuck? I got a great example that I'm going to use, and it's a Chinese finger trap. We all know our good old-fashioned friend that we used to play around with, probably in kindergarten. You know, I haven't seen one of these things for years, but it's a great analogy for you guys. Imagine you put your fingers in the Chinese finger trap.
Speaker 5:We all want to get out, and so what we do? We start pulling and pulling and pulling with more force and, to be honest with you, the harder we pull, the more we're stuck. That's exactly how most of us go through life. We just keep trying harder and harder and harder instead of trying different. It's not an effort problem. A lot of you guys are trying to break free from the bad health, you're trying to break free from the bad finances, you're trying to break free from the bad relationships, but you keep trying harder instead of trying different. And so what I'm saying is effort isn't the problem, direction is Purpose is Watch instead of pulling harder. If I just change my strategy and push in now, I can free myself from the thing that's keeping me stuck, and so I want you to ask yourself what are the things that you are doing that feel productive? What are the things you're doing that you're trying harder, but you just can't feel like you can get past? Because those things that are keeping you stuck are probably just things that you need to change or tweak or pivot from, and it'll ultimately let you be free, just like the Chinese finger trap.
Speaker 5:The fourth what that's so powerful is something that most people think they know, but they rarely actually know what do you really want in life? I want you to take a second to let that marinate. What do you really want in life? Most people know all the things that they'd like to have. But most people don't really know what they want in life. They're just too busy checking off boxes. Oh, I'm supposed to get married, I'm supposed to have a job that's nine to five, I'm supposed to do this, I'm supposed to do that, but it's not what they want. It's what everybody else has told them that they want. I want you to take a step back and ask yourself, knowing everything that you know about yourself, knowing everything that you know about your life, if you started over from scratch with all the tools, all the resources, all the knowledge that you now have, what life would you build? What do you really want? You know?
Speaker 5:It's funny because a lot of times when I'm at you know basketball camps and clinics and I have youth players. I ask them I say, hey, how many of you guys want to play college basketball? And they all put their hands up and I'm like that is awesome that you want that. But I'm like how many of you actually want that? And they're like what do you mean? Like we just told you we wanted that. I'm like no, no, no. How many of you guys are willing to do what I did?
Speaker 5:Wake up at 4.59 am, get to the gym at 5.15 am and shoota thousand shots before school every single day. How many of you guys are willing to do those things? Everyone kind of looks around. Did he really shoot a thousand shots every morning? I'm like, how many of you guys are willing to go your entire teenage years, 10 years, a full decade without eating sweets? Everyone, I look around and everyone's like what, this guy's a lunatic. And I'm like.
Speaker 5:I gave up sweets when I was 12 years old Because I thought it might improve my chances to play college basketball, and I didn't eat sweets until I was done playing college basketball. At 22, I went 10 years, all of my teenage years, without eating sweets soda, candy, ice cream, none of that. Because I kept asking myself will eating sweets help me play college basketball? The answer was no, so I said no. Will waking up at four, 59 and shooting a thousand shots help me get college scholarships? The answer was yes, so I did it and that's a framework I still use today that you can use as well. Will.
Speaker 5:Insert the action, insert the decision, insert the thing that you're thinking about doing help me, and then the thing that you want most, and the only way that you know exactly what you want is if you take some time to reflect with the fourth what, which is, what do you really want? And then you have to ask yourself the side question and are you willing to do what's required to get that certain thing? Because if you don't, that means you really don't want it. So, now that we have four powerful what's that kind of help reshape your mentality, reshape your mindset? It comes to the fifth and final powerful what. And that is now that you know all that, what are you gonna do about it?
Speaker 4:Hi, I'm Jen Dotleib, co-founder of Super Connector Media, creator of Stage Leaders, author of the bestselling book Be Seen oh that side, and the host of the Jen Dotleib show. I'm so grateful and honored to be here at the Mental Toughness Forum Anything for my dear friend Ben Newman, and I love talking about mental toughness because being seen, putting yourself out there on the internet, definitely takes a lot of mental toughness and discipline. Because, let's be real, it's scary, it's scary, it's vulnerable to be seen and be out there, especially when you're showcasing your truth, who you actually are, and not putting on a show and pretending to be someone you're not. And I will tell you from paying attention very closely for many, many years here in the landscape of personal branding, how it's evolved, how it's changed, how it's grown Today, in 2025, the way to win on social media, the way to win in this marketing world that we live in today, where visibility is key. It's not just visibility, it's about authenticity. People don't want super produced videos anymore. People are not looking for wallpaper type posts that everything is perfectly produced and it's completely a highlight reel and there's never any truth to it. Perfect is no longer winning. The thing that is winning on social media is Truth, is honesty, is authenticity. So it's scary, it's a catch 22 year because when we're being truthful and when we're being seen and we're being our authentic selves, we're going to have to share things that we might be afraid that people will judge us for that. We might be afraid that people won't like, and if you're anything like me, we want to be liked. It's just a normal part of the human existence. It just comes with being a person and it's not really about not giving a crap of what everybody thinks of you. Stop caring what people think. I don't know if that's necessarily a realistic goal to never care what others think of you. I think that's just a natural part of who we are and part of it is healthy as well. But I think it's about creating the discipline, the courage and the confidence to understand that we can remove the power that fear has over us. So we're not necessarily going to become fearless and never care what people think anymore and not be afraid when we post, but I truly believe that the more that we do the thing that we're afraid to do, the more we take away the power that fear has over us.
Speaker 4:And I have this really really, really simple reminder that I actually have tattooed on my wrist ironically and you can't even it's facing me because the tattoos were made not for anyone else and I didn't even get the tattoo because I wanted a tattoo. I never thought that I would ever get one, to be completely honest, but this reminder helps me so much that I wanted it tattooed on my body to never, ever, ever, forget it. And the tattoo says time I had to read it. No, I'm just kidding, I know what it says it. And the tattoo says time I had to read it. No, I'm just kidding, I know what it says Time never stops.
Speaker 4:And at the time of my life when I decided to get this tattoo, it was a time of unbelievable discomfort, incredible amounts of discomfort, anxiety. It was a moment in my life when everything was uncertain Everything from my financial stability to my relationship stability, to my health stability. Everything felt like it was being held together with duct tape and every day I was consumed with fear. But something really, really interesting happened and I'm glad I went through this, because it taught me this lesson and gave me this tool this time never stops mantra that I'm forever grateful for. But I had this massive realization during this time and it came from some advice that a therapist gave me in a very peculiar way or a way that you wouldn't think would give me this massive aha that would completely change the way that I think about mental toughness and discipline.
Speaker 4:But I was going through all of this anxiety during this time and my therapist was like you should really start a meditation practice. And I'm like I'm not a big meditator, I've tried, it doesn't really work for me. And she's like okay, you know what. I'm not going to make you meditate, but here's what I want you to do. She knew that I'm a big weightlifter, I love to exercise. That's my form of meditation.
Speaker 4:So she said okay, jen, what I want you to do is I want you to just take a moment after you're done with your workout, lie down on the mat, look up at the ceiling and do a body scan meditation. So super simple and easy. You don't have to. You don't have to do anything other than scan your body after you've worked out and thank your body parts for the work that they did in the gym that day. So go just body part by body part.
Speaker 4:So I'm like thank you feet, thank you knees, thank you calves, thank you quads, thank you hamstrings, thank you glutes, thank you hipsads, thank you hamstrings, thank you glutes, thank you hips, thank you abs, thank you stomach, thank you lungs, thank you heart, and I would just thank all of my body parts and I would look up at the ceiling and when I was done thanking all my body parts, just naturally I would look up and I would feel really, really grateful that I was able to move my body that day, that I had this body that worked, that moved, that was healthy, and I would say thank you God for day. And it was a really beautiful practice that helped me in a lot of ways, but it helped me in a way that was surprising to me. Actually, now, when I look back, I'm like I don't know if she meant it to do this, but this is what it really did, because I started doing this practice every time and what was interesting was it was one of the most challenging times in my life. But no matter what like how hard the day was, no matter how hard the workout was, no matter how challenging that it was for me to wake up that day and put on my clothes and get to the gym, no matter what was going on. No matter if I finished the workout or if I didn't, no matter if I had the hard conversation that I needed to have the day before or if I didn't, I would always end up on that mat again, looking up at the ceiling. Here I am again.
Speaker 4:All of the discomfort is always temporary. I always end up here on this mat, looking up at the ceiling, thanking my body for being here, being alive, another day. So this reminded me. Every time I did it, I'm like, oh, here I am on the mat again. I'm here If I was worried about a keynote that I had to give the day before it ended, and I'd be on the mat again Tomorrow after this recording of this video. Eventually, the time's not gonna stop. I'm not gonna get stuck in any of those uncomfortable moments. Any of that pain is only going to be temporary and I'm gonna end up on the damn mat asking myself how did I do? Did I finish the last set, the last rep? Did I have the hard conversation? Did I work through that moment of discomfort? Was I able to lean into the fear and do it anyway, or did I give up? Doesn't matter if I did or if I didn't, I end up on the mat again.
Speaker 4:Discomfort is always temporary, but the growth that you get as a human being from being able to withstand that temporary discomfort so you can get to the moment where you're lying on the mat at the end of the workout or lying in your bed at the end of the day, which we always get back to our bed every single night at the end of each day this too shall pass. It always passes. Time doesn't stop. We don't get paused in the discomfort. We always end up back there looking up at the ceiling. And if we can get there and if we can just lay there and look up at the ceiling or just tap in, look within and say you did it, I did it, you can withstand any of those uncomfortable moments. You can have the discipline to move through the discomfort. You can have the discipline to do the hard thing temporarily to get the long-term growth. Discipline is all about just removing that immediate gratification in order to get the long-term results that you're looking for.
Speaker 4:If it was easy and success was easy and moving through life was easy, everybody would be a billionaire with a six-pack. That's why success is so rare, because not everybody is willing to move through the temporary discomfort. Not everybody fully understands and grasps the fact that this moment that you're listening to this video is a moment in time that is going to pass. The moment that you have to go and have that hard conversation that you don't want to have, or that moment where you have to go and actually take your head out of the sand and recognize a situation that's been going on, that's been really bad for a while, and hit it head on. It's going to pass.
Speaker 4:And the longer that you don't acknowledge it and the longer that you decide that you're going to just walk the other way instead of into and through those difficult challenges and walk around them or go in and just look for immediate gratification to not have to face it, the longer you are prolonging your growth and the faster you can move through it, the faster you can understand that this day is going to go by. It's going to end. I'm going to end up in my bed. How do I want to feel when I get in my bed? The faster that you can actually make that decision to say, yes, I'm going to move through that temporary discomfort, the faster that you get to the other side, where everything that you want lives. That's it.
Speaker 4:So every day, I wake up in the morning and I say Jenny, you get this one day. You get this day one time. What do you want to do with it? The time is not going to stop. You get it once.
Speaker 4:Do you want to be the person that doesn't face anything and has to go then and wait and face it again and again, and again until you move through it? Or do you want to be the person that proves to yourself that you can withstand temporary discomfort in order to create permanent growth and the success that you're looking for? So I hope that this was helpful for you. You don't have to go tattoo time never stops on your wrist but maybe you could write it on a little post-it and put it on your computer, put it on your laptop, because anything that you're going to have to move through today will be a moment in time.
Speaker 4:And most of the time y'all, most of the time, a lot of the times, these little tiny moments that are really uncomfortable, that we try to avoid, we don't even remember weeks later, we don't even remember them. So just do them, just move through it. Well, don't do it for me, listen, don't do it for me. I don't want to tell you what to do, do it for you, but if you're here and you're with Ben Newman and you're listening to the Mental Toughness Forum, then you're clearly somebody that wants to create an extraordinary life, and the key to creating extraordinary is by just not doing the ordinary. Most ordinary people want to avoid pain as much as humanly possible the extraordinary trust and know that this too shall pass. I hope that this was helpful. I'm super grateful for you. Go ahead and follow me on all the socials, at Jen, underscore, gottlieb, and I'm so excited to hear from you. Continue to enjoy the mental toughness for us.
Speaker 6:Ben, thank you so much for the opportunity to speak to this amazing group and speak amongst these amazing speakers on the idea or the topic of mental toughness. You know when you first asked me. I get asked this a lot, obviously because I fight in a cage for a living, I bear injury. Often I take the chance to getting cuts, getting knocked out, getting submitted in front of millions and millions of people on a world stage for people to see. So it kind of goes without saying that people would think that I have to be mentally tough to do what I do. But I think when I think about the idea of mental toughness, it's not about who can be in the arena and fight in a cage for longer, who can be the tougher man, the tougher athlete who can endure the pain that most would be more likely willing to run away from. I just think about perseverance, I think about stick-to-itiveness and I think about the constant faith of hitching your dreams to a shooting star and continuing to move forward with complete disregard to your previous failures and your future opposition. You see, I don't think mental toughness is who can do a plank the longest. I don't think mental toughness is who can sit in sub-zero weather and sub-zero water. The longest To me mental toughness is who can continue to move forward and, in the face of adversity, continue to smile and know that yesterday really did end last night and tomorrow the sun will rise again, and have that kind of faith and that kind of perception of what tomorrow will bring in order to get closer and closer to your goals. Now, everybody here has their goals. Everybody here has a business to build or a family to take care of or a platform that they want to have. And how do you get to that pinnacle of what you believe in your mind's eye or in your heart, where you want to go? It goes without saying that it's going to take a lot of mental toughness. It's going to take the slam to doors in your face to continue to go to the next door. It's going to take one more no before you get to the next. Yes, it's going to take one more being the lowest person on the totem pole in a certain industry to continue to move forward.
Speaker 6:Because I was that young man I walked on to the University of Missouri. I was the most relatively unknown guy on the team. I was the lowest guy on the totem pole. Everybody else got four sets of workout gear. The walk-on got two. Everybody else was in the nice dorms. I was in the not so great dorms. Everybody else was getting attention from the coaches and I was kind of the guy left in the corner who was doing well in the room, winning runs, winning and showing up first and leaving later than everybody else putting in the extra reps. Yet it took me almost a full year for my coach to speak to me.
Speaker 6:So I think about that walk-on mentality of knowing what it feels like to start at the bottom and then taking that and parlaying it into the successes in the world platform that I have now. And how did I get there? I do believe it wasn't just because I can do all the reps in the gym. It's not because I can fight harder than everybody else. I believe it wasn't just because I can do all the reps in the gym. It's not because I can fight harder than everybody else. I believe it is because I've woken up every single day with my dreams and goals hitched to a shooting star, and that shooting star cannot be stopped come hell or high water, no matter what opposition, no matter how many losses, no matter how many failures or perceived failures that society will try to put on you and say this was a failure. He's going to, he's done. He will never be what he thought he was going to be or what we thought he was going to be.
Speaker 6:See, I went from the sport of wrestling where I didn't meet my goals, where I didn't reach my goals, and I parlayed that into a mixed martial arts. Career started out 12 and 0, undefeated was touted as the next big thing. But then I lost that first fight and then I lost two more subsequent fights after that. I went 688 days without a win and in the sport of mixed martial arts that's pretty much a career death sentence. You lose three fights in a row, you go almost two years without winning.
Speaker 6:People forget about you. They stop writing articles about you. They stop saying good things about you. Quite the contrary, they start saying only negative things about you, and even me. I started saying negative things about myself. I forgot how good I was when I lost that first fight.
Speaker 6:I started finding comfort in the self-pity of well, now, since I failed, I am a failure, but a failure is an event, not a person, and if we can continue to focus on every single person that we've ever admired and every single person that we've ever looked up to has, at one point or another, been a failure For me failure of a match, failure of a fight, failure of a business transaction, failure of an account, failure of a relationship, failure to do what I set out to do. Yet, when we realize that every single person that we look up to has been a failure and will continue to fail, but that failure is a prerequisite to success, that's where the rub is. That's where the rubber meets the road, because if a failure is a prerequisite to success and we can look at it as such, and we realize that everybody that we have looked up to and aspired to be like has failed, then why don't we show ourselves the grace, day in and day out, to have failures, dust ourself off, pull ourself back up and continue to move forward, because the sun will rise again tomorrow. Back up and continue to move forward, because the sun will rise again tomorrow.
Speaker 6:And if failure is a prerequisite to success, that in and of itself is a paradigm shift that we have to have inside of our minds and, most importantly, inside of our soul and our spirit and our heart, that, even if today was not perfect. It was still successful, even if this failure, I failed at this one thing, this thing that I set out to acquire. I might not have been successful at it, but I gained success and I became the person that I was fashioned to be, the person that I was supposed to be. On the other side Because I can tell you this, the man that I am today would not even scratch the surface of who I am had I not had my previous failures in my past. The 688 days without a win, the failure as a state champion thought I would never go to a division one college ended up walking onto a division one college and then becoming an all American and then parlaying that into a UFC mixed martial arts career, almost winning the UFC title years later.
Speaker 6:So a failure is a prerequisite to success and we can look at it in that regard. And everybody that we have ever looked up to has failed and we show ourselves enough grace, day in and day out, to just continue to put one foot in front of the other, to continue to build brick by boring brick, doing the things that you don't want to do, but the things that you need to do Because you see, I think mental toughness, as I said, isn't the person that can sit in the cold tub the longest, it's not the person with the biggest muscles. It's the person with the biggest passion inside of their heart and with that passion, coupling it with the grace showing themselves, the grace day in and day out to have these failures, taking it with a smile on your face and continuing to move forward. Outro Music.
