How do you make sex spiritual?

In this episode, Dr. Jenny answers a listener's question about what it means to make sex spiritual. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You don't have to go to a meditation retreat and sit in a very uncomfortable position for days on end to liberate your mind and go beyond the matrix. You can have incredible, pleasurable, joyful sex and have that experience. Thanks for joining me today. Today's topic actually has come from a listener who wrote to me after listening to the last episode. And actually, before I talk about that, let me just say if you have any questions about any of the episodes, feel free to write us at support at drjenymartin.com. You can find that email address below this episode. And by the way, please make sure to subscribe and to rate and review this podcast so that more people can find it. So anyway, this person wrote in and they asked, here's what they said. Is it required to bring one's version of the divine into the sexual experience to make it valid or pleasurable? Must one be mindful of God while watching a game or walking the dog? Isn't sex itself enough without having to wrap it in spiritual terms or to employ specific techniques? The way that I teach and the way that I look at this is that first of all, we need to understand who the heck we are. Once we understand who we are, that's the foundation for understanding sex as spiritual. Now, we've been taught living in the world today that all we are is this body, this meat sack. You are just a physical being with a bunch of chemicals running around inside of you. And sex is no more than a bunch of a hit of dopamine, a hit of different chemicals that give you a feeling of being high for a second. That's all sex is. It's just a physical interaction that gets you a momentary sense of pleasure. If that's the way that we view sex, well then it feels like we have to go through all these different things to try to make it spiritual. But we need to reframe, rethink that basic idea because it's actually inaccurate. It's inaccurate in terms of what science has really discovered about how we operate. First of all, let me just say where some of this latest research has come from, from virtual reality. When they have been trying to understand how the human sensory system works, how our five senses work, so that we can replicate a full-on sensory experience in VR. What the researchers needed to find out is the exact mechanism that allows us to see and hear and smell and so forth. And what they discovered is our senses operate multidimensionally. They operate on a quantum level. We've been dumbed down to think we have limited view, we have limited ability. But what the researchers of VR found, because they wanted to understand how the biological system works, we have profound capabilities beyond what we've ever been told. Now, why is that relevant? Well, that's just one piece of information that is a breadcrumb to understanding our existence. Our existence is far beyond this limited physical dimension. We exist in multi-dimensions. When our frequency is low, when we're vibrating at a low level, we're only aware of a certain amount of information. But what's the difference between the average person and someone who, for instance, in India that can walk through walls, which has been documented? Or someone that can live on light, which has also been documented. Well, they're living at a very high vibration. And not that we we aspire to do either of those things for the you know average person, but just to let you know that we, all of us, share a common aspect to ourselves that isn't physical. It is at an energetic level that is absolutely real. And why is this pertinent to what we're talking about in terms of spiritual sex? When you realize who you are, that your identity doesn't exist, doesn't start to exist when you take on flesh and blood body, that you exist prior to taking on a body, and you will exist after you lay your body down and it's in a grave or it's cremated. You will continue to exist. When you realize that, and there is an abundant amount of research on that, that I'm not going to go into in this episode, but when you just catch a glimpse of that, and that's why I talked about the VR research, it's just a glimpse of this idea, then you start to get a sense that it's not so much about making sex spiritual, it's about bringing an awareness of all of who you are to the sex act. And when you bring a sense of awareness of all of you know who you are, you realize, for instance, that your essence, who you are, isn't just contained in your physical body. You exist beyond your physical body. Part of that is your biofield, your aura. And there isn't a clear delineation between where you end and the other person starts. We are far more connected than we've ever imagined. And, you know, people are gaining this intuitive insight while on plant medicine, such as DMT or five MeO DMT. They're getting this sense that we are connected humans. And this is the science that I'm talking about. So what that tells us is it's not so much about, okay, I have to learn these techniques to take this non-spiritual sex into the spiritual realm. It's more about, okay, who the heck am I? Understanding who you are, that you're not just a physical being, that your consciousness doesn't just exist in your brain, that your being doesn't just exist inside your skin, that you're more than that. It also means that when you're having sex with someone, you're taking their energy into their body into your body. They're taking your energy into their body, which gives you a sense of how important it is to pay attention to the vibe that you're getting from the other person. Is there kind of an angry vibe? Is there, you know, a resentful vibe? What is the vibe of the other person that you are going to merge with? And that vibration is actually coming into your body, which is actually much more a powerful part of it for women than men, partly because of the very practical element that a woman's actually bringing that person, bringing that man inside of her body, which is far more intimate, you could say, than a man accessing her body. But there is an exchange between both people. In the female body, her nervous system being far more engaged in the whole process. There's a real strong mind-body connection in the female. Women, it's been scientifically documented, can have a full-on ecstatic sexual experience with no touch, with no self-pleasure and no external touch at all, just through thought alone. So there's this powerful mind-body connection. When you realize that that is the way a female is designed in particular, you realize, okay, what am I allowing into my body during sex? What is the energy that this person is giving off? We all can read that energy, whether you've studied this at a deep level or not, intuitively, if you're aware of how you feel in your body, if you're not numb from the neck down, if you're actually aware of how your body's feeling, you can tune into how you're feeling with another person you're about to have sex with. This is why it's super important to be sober when, especially when you're with a new partner, because the sense that you get when you're in their presence and you're about to actually have sex with them is important information for you to decide whether you want to go forward with this or not. Because if you're getting signals or uncomfortable feelings or it just doesn't feel right to you, then you need to honor your body. Part of being able to actually access your full sexual potential is trust. You can't surrender and go to a deep altered state without trust. And the most important aspect of trust is trusting yourself. So not every person that you could have sex with is worth trusting. I mean, sex is a topic that a lot of ego can come out and a lot of manipulation and control can show up. And it's not necessarily for the betterment of you. Sex is really easy to just happen. And if it is a toxic situation, if it's about manipulation and control, then it's it can take quite some time to unravel that and work through that and the psychological consequences and the consequences to your whole system, your own sense of trust, trust of people, trust of yourself, your own spiritual connection. There's a lot of ramifications to have to unravel if you are in a situation that ends up being not a good situation. So it's really essential to be able to know what your body is telling you before you actually engage sexually with someone. Is your body telling you that this is a safe situation? Now, the other part of what this person was asking was the whole idea of being mindful of God. Well, first of all, when we realize that God pervades all of life, there's a God that's an anthropomorphic God that we see in different traditional religions. But when I teach from the early Christian view of sex as spiritual, what I'm looking at is the gospel of Mary Magdalene, the gospel of Philip. And there's a teaching that there is a level or a dimension that we can access that is union with the divine. In modern terms, we can think about this as a five MEO state, that we have these natural powerful psychedelics within us. They're not at the full-on psychedelic level. But why do we have this within us? It's because when we are in a relaxed but passionate state, and we're really sharing ourselves with the other person in a prolonged sexual lovemaking experience, we can access this experience of union with the divine. So the question was: do we have to be mindful of God? When trance states have been used in shamanic cultures, in different ancient traditions, and when we're talking about sex, we're talking about the Heroes Gamo sexual ritual that Mary Magdalene and Jesus engaged in when she anointed him. That's what was happening. And it's not that they had to sit there and think about God as they were having sex. It's that when you're in this deep state, that your thinking mind, your linear mind, it is disengaged, it goes offline. And there is an aspect of you that is already with God, however you define God. But there's an aspect of you that is God. And when you let go with the intention to experience this higher reality, when you let go of your thinking linear, task-oriented mind, otherwise known as ego, you will naturally be in this state during lovemaking. So it's not sitting there having sex, having a physical sexual experience and trying to force yourself to think about God. That's not at all what we're talking about here. We're talking about being so wrapped up in the passion, so wrapped up in the pleasure, so in the moment, in the flow, being with your partner in a sense of selfless giving to each other, not so much concerned about whether you're going to get your orgasm, get pleasure, but really being so in the flow that thought isn't even there. You've gone beyond thought. The next motion, the next interaction between the two of you physically just naturally flows. Your body has its own wisdom and intelligence, and it naturally knows where to go next. There's this seamless, almost telepathic communication between the two of you. And this is why it's much easier to do with someone that you intimately know, that you know their body so that you know what will turn them on the most. You know what next action to do. You're reading their facial expressions. And by the way, this is not to say that communication during sex doesn't have a point, but to get into the deepest trance state is when there is a more mature connection between the two of you. There's an emotional intimacy, you've had enough time with each other, enough of a strong bond and a relationship has been built, and you know their body, you've read their body, like reading Braille, you know their body, and you sense between the two of you what action happens next. When that state happens seamlessly between the two of you, the idea of having to think about God is completely irrelevant. Because if you have begun this action with the understanding, begun having sex with the understanding and the knowing that sex can give you this access to this five MAO state naturally while completely sober, you have that awareness because there is something to be said for knowing that something is possible in order for your brain to allow you to achieve it, in order for your brain to allow you to experience it. Once you know that's possible, and so you both have that intention that that's available to you, it's not about chasing the goal, it's not about trying to get there, it's about effortlessly welcoming, inviting, being. And the other important point that often I get questions about is it about the orgasm? Is the orgasm where we're experiencing this psychedelic natural state? And it really isn't just the orgasm, because when you're in this state of incredible synchrony, incredible harmony between both of your bodies, the experience itself, in addition to the orgasm, can be this profound experience, this psychedelic experience. So the last part of what this person had asked was do we have to do certain techniques? And in my work, I don't teach tantres. So I think this person was asking in reference to those types of traditions. So I don't teach those specific breathing techniques or the eye-gazing or any of those things because it's about being natural, it's about being with your partner and what needs to happen in that moment for the two of you, not trying to follow a certain protocol that can feel quite unnatural, actually. You know, not everyone wants to have deep eye gazing, that's not comfortable for everybody. So being able to be with each other, now your breath will naturally synchronize. It's a part of rapport. It's a part of rapport. This even happens in business when you're meeting a client and you're across the desk from them. If you're really engaged in rapport, you don't have to try to mirror them or try to match their body language or their breathing. If you're really in sync in rapport with someone, those things will naturally happen. And they absolutely will happen during sex. And during sex, when those types of that mirroring and matching of the body language and breath, when that happens naturally, that will help you access a deeper state of mind. That's part of that trance state naturally occurring. But having said that it's not necessary to actually do specific techniques, what is really important for us to learn about how our bodies actually work, what facilitates a trans state in sex, and what detracts from it. And there is unique aspects of a woman's body to understand. It's more complex than the way a man's body is designed in terms of this trans state potential. So it is important for men to understand to make love to a woman. And it's important for a woman to understand her own body in this sense. So I've put together programs on this for people to really dive into this, for men to understand women more deeply in terms of facilitating that trance state while sober. And also for women to be able to do this in self pleasure or with a partner. But this is a big topic. But just to know that it's not about having to make sex spiritual. We already have this aspect to ourselves that we're not reminded of in daily life. We're not reminded of. If you're in biology class at school, they're not going to talk about this. But biophysics should be taught in school. We should understand the light that's within us, the fact that electromagnetic energy, our chakras, they're at different wavelengths of different parts of the electromagnetic spectrum. They have been scientifically proven. There's a science of these things that we think are just woo-woo. Your aura is not just a woo-woo, you know, aspect of you. It actually has been scientifically measured. Now, all of these different aspects of you absolutely play into the sexual experience. They actually absolutely are part of the sexual experience. Your pineal gland is intrinsically linked to your sexual organs, and this plays a huge role in the female body. The pineal gland is synchronizing the menstrual cycles, it's synchronizing those biorhythms. So to understand some of these aspects from a scientific perspective helps us to understand that we actually don't need to make sex something supernatural. It actually already is something supernatural, but we've just been told, oh, it's just something physical. And so we miss out because we don't have that expectation that something more magical can happen. If you have no grounding in this, no idea that something far more incredible is possible, that you don't have to go to an ashram to have union with cosmic bliss. You don't have to go to a meditation retreat and sit in a very uncomfortable position for days on end to liberate your mind and go beyond the matrix. You can have incredible, pleasurable, joyful sex and have that experience and be more embodied through the process rather than having to disengage from your body and try to overcome desire. Desire is what allows us to access our spiritual connection. Desire and bodily pleasure are the way that God, spirit, however you want to call it, how it communicates with you, how it makes itself known to humanity. That's how higher dimensions get brought into this dimension through that sense of cosmic love and bliss and union. That can happen in a very real visceral sense during sex. And each of us can experience that. We don't have to do anything to make ourselves spiritual. God is in our midst. Yes, we are not God. We are not the creator of DNA and the cosmos. We didn't create all those things. So there's a higher intelligence, there's a higher power. But that power also exists within us. We're not the epitome of it, we're not the totality of it, but an aspect of that.