In this special National Siblings Day 2022 episode we hear the diverse stories of 3 siblings with very different backgrounds and explore how peer support has played a vital role in their sibling journeys.
We are joined by SLN's Board of Directors Chair, Shawnnita Buckner, SLN's Board of Directors Secretary, Stephanie Lanham and Co-Founder of Saarthi sibling support group, Piyush Mishra.
Access the transcript of this episode here.
In this episode:
Some resources discussed in this episode are:
Highlights:
In this special National Siblings Day 2022 episode we hear the diverse stories of 3 siblings with very different backgrounds and explore how peer support has played a vital role in their sibling journeys.
We are joined by SLN's Board of Directors Chair, Shawnnita Buckner, SLN's Board of Directors Secretary, Stephanie Lanham and Co-Founder of Saarthi sibling support group, Piyush Mishra.
Access the transcript of this episode here.
In this episode:
Some resources discussed in this episode are:
Highlights:
Welcome to the sibling Leadership Network podcast. The sibling Leadership Network is a national nonprofit whose mission is to provide siblings of individuals with disabilities the information support and tools to advocate with their brothers and sisters and to promote the issue is important to us in our entire families. Hello, and welcome to a special episode of the sibling Leadership Network podcast. This month we are celebrating National Siblings Day on April 10 with this special episode dedicated to diverse sibling stories. Today we are joined by a board of directors chair Shanita Buckner, our board of directors Secretary Stephanie Lanham and puce Misha. Also, stay tuned at the end of this podcast episode for information about events celebrating National Siblings Day 2022. Thank you for joining us today. This episode is all about you. I'd like you to please start off by telling us about yourselves what you do and what led you down the current path you're on.
Shawnnita Buckner:Hi, my name is Shawnnita Buckner, I am here in the great state of Texas. I live here with my husband Jason and our two little ones Caden and Cairo. By trade, I am a director of special projects for a leading mortgage company. So I oversee all of our enterprise wide and company led initiatives. What led me down that road is just as sparked interest many years ago, to wanting to be involved with kind of how the company moves and operates and updates systems. This is a new career path for me over the last four years. Prior to that I was in community behavioral health for more than 10 years, where I worked with individuals with disabilities that included intellectual and developmental disabilities, or mental illness, substance use homeless and babies. So obviously what led me down that path was being a sibling and it being a part of my everyday life. And it was kind of through career change that led me into project management, which is where I serve now.
Stephanie Lanham:Hi, I'm Stephanie Lanham, and I'm so happy to be here. I'm a sibling, and I'm a council member on the Developmental Disabilities Council in Washington, DC, and I'm on their state planning committee. And as Chris mentioned, I serve on the board of the sibling Leadership Network and on their diversity, equity and inclusion committee. I'm also currently studying to become a certified yoga teacher at a trauma informed yoga studio. Prior to all of that in the pandemic, I played guitar and a psychedelic blues band. But the pandemic really shifted my focus on where I was devoting my time to after witnessing the heart wrenching discrimination people with disabilities face. During the height of the pandemic, such as hospitals deciding whose life was worth saving, it really pushed me to become more involved in disability advocacy. Thank you so much for having me here. Today. I'm looking forward to our conversation,
Piyush Mishra:year PhD, program, like PhD Disability Studies program at Department of Disability and human development, University of Ghana. And I have had a huge shift of career from engineering to disability studies, like just after my engineering, I attended some workshop related to autism and technology in my second year of my masters, and that's how I got the coke that okay, I should be doing something in this field. But my plans were just to be confined in autism and technology. But over the time, I took a gap of six months. And then I realized that no, there are other pressing issues like future planning, or sex education or sibling support, and health disparities. And that's how I like completely shifted my focus. And I've worked very briefly in the area of developing sex education resources for persons with IDD in India. That project didn't work out. But fortunately, my next project was building a sibling support community in India. So we have, like me with other siblings, like Priyanka and others, we build, like The SLN end of India, but we are not that big. We are a very small community of siblings. And yeah, this has been legend.
Chris Berstler:Awesome. Thank you all for sharing. So next, tell us about your siblings and what your relationship was like growing up and how your sibling relationship is now. Feel free to spend as much time as you'd like just kind of tell us your story.
Piyush Mishra:Well, I think it has been very good. Good. I mean, it has been like any brother, brother relationship. I we fought and we fought a lot and like And so, so I kind of understood from the age of three and four, that yes, my brother has, is autistic and intellectually disabled. I still remember that I used to accompany him to therapy centers with my mother. So I was very well versed with that. But apart from that, that didn't hinder our brother Brother. Relationship. Over the time, it has been very good. I think. Now he he doesn't like me that much. Now. He only likes me when I bring him some some food. That's the equation like views is equal to food. So is that the thing? And but yeah, I really miss him. Now. He. He's at a group home in India. And that was a really very difficult decision for me because I was leaving India to come here to study. And yeah, I miss him. Like nowadays because I'm not because he cannot speak. And I cannot even talk to him, like through food. But I do FaceTime him and like, Yeah, he does his head bump through the like phone. And like, that is how we communicate. So yeah,
Stephanie Lanham:I have an older adult brother who is autistic. He's super interesting. He loves collecting vintage Guinness Book of World Records. He's fascinated with different languages. And he loves recording how long something takes, for example, record how long it took to go grocery shopping. And I think that's his way of making sense of time. He's very sweet. He loves slapstick comedy and like every human being wants to be love, relate to other people and find purpose in life. We are both half Peruvian and half white, and we're born in the US. Our mother emigrated from Peru in the 80s. And our father grew up in Maryland, my brothers and I's relationship has evolved over our lifetime. My first memory of discovering that my brother is autistic, was when I was about 10, or 12 years old. I remember overhearing my mom talk to my friend's mom about it, actually. But since my mom's native language is Spanish, she referred to it as autismo. Although my friend's mom did not speak Spanish at all, my brother and I don't speak Spanish fluently. Since my brother didn't speak at all, very much as a kid, my parents decided to focus on one language. I don't really remember my brother and I's relationship when we were children. My father says that my brother was really withdrawn, my brother would do his own thing, which was playing video games, and I would be painting, dancing or playing with friends. Our early teen years were much more memorable as there was a very difficult time for my brother and the whole family. kids can be cruel and autism was less talked about back then. I remember my brother running home after getting off the school bus and not doing well emotionally, with hormones raging, not being able to verbally communicate what's going on. And being given medication that was really meant for adults was painful. The medication he was given just made things a lot worse. And as a young girl, I remember feeling embarrassed, scared, and just worried as his younger sister if if my brother was okay, or going to be okay. And our later teen years, I played the role of the older sister, and maybe still do in some ways. But he's also taught me a lot. So much as my big brother. We've become closer as adults, I brother became less hyperactive. And we can chat here and there before our early 20s. We're now in our 30s My brother was was almost new, and I say almost, because he would just say a few words like yes or no if he was asked a question, but nothing more beyond that. He would also echo phrases that he heard on TV or my parents say, but without assigning any meaning to it really. My brother was much in his own world. I remember when I was about 18 or so I asked him a ridiculous yes or no question just to see if he was really conscious and like paying attention to what I was asking him. I remember one time while we were standing in our living room. I asked him if the house was on fire, which he said yes, but it definitely wasn't. And that made me really sad. Looking back, he often communicated through body language. When he was excited. He jumped up and down by flapping his hand. When he was anxious, he would rock back and forth and spin around. But he doesn't do much of that anymore. He'll do it a little bit but discreetly. There was a traumatic incident. that happened in our early 20s, where my brother had to go to the hospital, because he started hallucinating due to sleep deprivation. That moment changed our lives forever. I had to step up and be there for my brother in a caretaker role. I had to talk to the doctors and I had to make sure that he was being properly taken care of. After the incident, my brother was prescribed a small dose of medication. He started seeing a neurologist and I wrote, enrolled him in speech therapy. After all of that a positively profound moment occurred between me and my brother, after 20 Some years of not asking me a single question. My brother shockingly asked me without any prompting, for the first time ever, how my day was, Whoa, that was such a powerful moment for all of us. Our relationship has grown so much we FaceTime many times during the week, and I visit my brother as often as I can. Mom gets a break from caretaking and my brother gets a break from being with mom and 24/7 will go to restaurants mom doesn't bring him to and we'll just hang out doing various activities. As I get older, I think more about my future role as a caretaker. Right now I'd like to help him get more involved in activities that will help with his self development. But it can be tough when you're not the parent.
Shawnnita Buckner:So I'm always excited to talk about my older brother Jay. We are about a year and a half apart. And our story is a little unique. My brother was not born with intellectual disabilities. In 1999, my family and I were in a very horrific car accident. My youngest sister was killed, my grandmother was killed, and my siblings were rejected from the car. So from the onset of the car accident and the brain trauma that my brother suffered, He was diagnosed with IDB. So growing up our relationship was the typical, you know, older brother younger sister, being close in age, me wanting to always do what my brother did, I was very much a tomboy. So I wanted to be with J all the time. And when he was playing with his friends, you know, you could see Shanita, just following right behind him. We also had the competition, I often got on his nerves, but we had a great time growing up, and then things quickly, and drastically shifted in our life. Because again, it was not something that as a family we were used to. And then being a 12 year old little girl, I certainly wasn't used to it. But quickly had to jump into what life was going to be for our family now and figure out how to support my brother and support my mom from a very, very early age. So I took on that caretaker role very early since I was 13. I've been helping to take care of my brother, and enjoy it. But it still was something very new and different for us. We still had a very close relationship, but how to learn how how do I communicate with my brother? Jay does now talk. But after the car accident, he didn't it was pretty much he had to learn everything from the beginning. So how do I communicate with my brother? How do I make sure his needs are being met? You know, how do we still interact and play and have that loving, loving older sister younger sister or excuse me, older brother, younger sister relationships. So it was a lot of learning new things. I will tell you, my brother is probably the most positive person you will ever meet through all adversity through all of life's challenges and roadblocks. He is so very positive at all times. And that pushes me as a sibling to want to be even better because I see my brother over here trying to figure out how to do X, Y and Z. Or how to communicate with us how to learn how to walk again, he is in a wheelchair, but he does walk on a walker. There are many things that Jay does independently but there are things that he needs still support with and that's you know, showering or maybe transferring to his bed or toileting. So there's still a high level of caretaking. But seeing him smile all the time when you help him or being so thankful when you help him just helps to sometimes relieve some of that stress as a caretaker, because you know how grateful he is for everything you're doing. But we love to just play. We like to go outside and play basketball. One of his favorite games is Uno. So you can not go visit J who lives with my mom and my stepdad and not play it you know, so Everyone knows when you walk in the house, we're going to have three or four decks of cards around the house. So that in any given moment, whether we are in the living room we are in Jays room we are in the kitchen, there are always cards available to play Uno, now that I have two kids, so my oldest is five, and my youngest is two and a half. Even kind of growing as J being an uncle, and it is so joyful to see how he's a brother to me. But then his relationship, even with my children, they love uncle J, he is so fun. And he's also very strict with me, like, if my kids do something, and I try to correct them, Uncle j does not allow that to happen. So they are spoiled as can be and they get away with everything with him. But we just have such an amazing relationship. And again, although our relationship is is truly had to change over the years, I feel like I've just been kind of learning as I go, because each stage of our life has been so different. We have our childhood, which, you know, for lack of better words was was normal. And then we had this sudden change in our life, that we're now a normal, and we have to quickly learn how to do things in a different way. So I think after accident, and for several years thereafter was probably our most challenging time in our relation period. And that was because it was just so new. And you had those things like communication barriers, we're trying to link up with services we don't know about, I'm trying to support my mom, I'm trying to support my brother, and I'm a teenager. So it's overwhelming, right. And you're you're trying to you know, I was a cheerleader, I'm trying to do the cheerleading thing, and I'm running track and basketball and volleyball. And then when I go home, my life is so different. So so it was it was truly a difficult time. I don't think our relationship suffered. But I do know, there were moments where there may have just been a little withdrawal from for me, because there were times when I needed just a break, because I'm still learning this this new life. But I felt like what supports around us continued to grow, and we got what we needed for j then we were able to have that back to that normal sibling relationship, where some of the weight of being a caregiver was lifted, because J now has things like respite. And he has a a nurse or a caretaker and aide coming to provide that support that I was helping my mom to provide. So Jake is the ball of joy. We see him every Sunday at my mom's house and just love to be able to just continue to make memories and deepen our relationship as Big Brother, little sister,
Chris Berstler:How has being a person of color impacted your sibling journey?
Shawnnita Buckner:I think the biggest impact to our family. So for the listeners out there we are in the black community. And often when someone has a disability, or a mental illness or anything that is different in the black community, no one really talks about it. And it is one of those things that you just handle at home or within your family. And you don't need to go outside of that. There is a lot of stigma, there is a lot of embarrassment, there is a lot of resentment. There are a lot of people who don't want to live in their truth about what may be impacting them at home. So for our journey, I felt it was very difficult, because our family was was different than kind of the stigma surrounding the black community that we live in. We wanted that help, we wanted that support, and we didn't know where to find it. We didn't have a lot of people saying you should connect with your local, you know, mental health authority, or you should ask your doctor or there are other resources out there in the community that you can connect with. So trying to find these things on your own when you are thrown into a different world that you don't know about was very, very difficult for our family. I did not feel like we had those support. And when we wanted to talk to someone about it, it was kind of a slap on the wrist. Why are you bringing this up? You just deal with this and handle it at home. But we weren't equipped to handle it at home. We needed people to help us we needed people to support us. So it was it was difficult. So being a person of color and kind of navigating through this. This journey of of being a sibling was difficult. I didn't have those sibling relationships that I now know that are so very important in life. And it's something that I wish I had As a young teenager trying to figure out what what is the world around me to be able to connect with people,
Stephanie Lanham:person of color. So I have a difficult time connecting with this question. I identify as part first generation Peruvian American and part white. My mother who has much darker skin tone than I immigrated from Peru in the 80s. And my father and his family, whom are white had been in the United States for centuries. My brother and I grew up in a majority white town in Southern Maryland, there was no Latinx community there. We had to travel to Northern Virginia were approved and family lived to experience that. We got teased a lot growing up in Maryland. Kids definitely thought we were from, quote another country. I remember a bully, kicking the back of my seat on the school bus yelling at me to go back to China, which is wild, especially as a young kid thinking, Why would I need to go to China? I've been asked if I understand what my mom is saying, even though she's speaking English. And of course I do. She's my mom. And once a friend's father saw me with my dad at 711. And my dad had blond hair, blue eyes and lighter skin tone. And my friend's father was gonna call the cops he, he thought that my father had kidnapped me. So growing up being bicultural of two different cultures, Peruvian, and American was tough as a kid. And when we moved to Northern Virginia during high school, even though there was a Latin X community, I didn't know what group I fit in, did I fit in with the Latina crowd that knows what's up culturally? Or did I fit in with the white crowd who, like me, didn't speak another language. It definitely affected my self worth growing up, which affects everything in someone's life. I felt very alone, I didn't know anyone that shared a similar identity to me. I didn't know anyone that had a brother or sister with a disability. I didn't know anybody who was half white and half Peruvian, or half Latina. And on forms like filling out forms on a job application, or the census, I've been asked, How do you self identify? And that's a very, very difficult question for someone to answer, who has maybe tried to hide some of their cultural identity growing up to fit in, or who doesn't feel like they're latina enough because they don't speak Spanish fluently. It's an evolving journey of cultural identity, I think for first generation Americans, because initially, kids want to be liked by their peers and human beings want to feel accepted and not rejected. And I didn't feel like that growing up. But I'm so happy that I got introduced to the SLN. And last year, I attended SLM bipoc roundtables and I felt a sense of connection and belonging, for the first time to sibling panelists of various cultural backgrounds. Even if even if they weren't Peruvian, there was still like a strong connection, there was a lot of cultural similarities. For example, in the Latina or, or Latinx, community and other cultures that don't solely identify as way there is an expectation to take care of family members of different generations under one home. And when you have a sibling with a disability, that also fall falls under their expectation that that as a sibling, you're you're the one that's going to be taking care of them for the rest of your life when parents are no longer there. Which, which I'm happy to do, but I know that's not an everyone's journey. And also culturally, I think there's a there's a connection and where there's a lack of trust in facilities and group homes. Not for every culture, but that's part of my own personal experience that I've had.
Piyush Mishra:So, this question for me is exactly not applicable because I have lived in India, like I have my whole siblings. In the end, I this is just my first year in us. But what I can tell about India is like, it is also like multicultural and multilingual. Like we have many, like it's, it's like very diverse. And I think I was lucky to be like we were our family was lucky to be in the city, in big cities, so that we do had resources for punat My brother, so that was a very helping thing for us. But I can relate to what Shanita and Stephanie said that so there is a lack of awareness in India regarding IDD autism or Down syndrome. Now it is now it has improved a lot like in 2020 Me too. But in early 2000s, like I have, and I'm sure my parents have also an I have a particularly had that issue brother mad, like, this is that dialogue I have heard from everywhere like, because they just couldn't figure out what intellectual disability or disability is. So I have heard a lot. And I think particularly in school, it was not that I didn't want to talk about my brother, I did talk about my brother, but after, after the point, I was like, they won't understand what my positionality is, because like, they are not going to the same thing. So I better not talk. So I kind of became closed in the school. And now in retrospect, I, when I see that, the old pews, I see that how much sibling support is required in the school level to when we just grew up, like, because that is a very crucial stage that like sets patterns for adulthood. So there is there is a huge need for support for the school going siblings. That is something we are trying to work on. Right now. We are planning regarding that. And I think, again, going back to that I wasn't city, I just wonder what about towns and villages. We because even being in a city, I was not actually connected to a sibling or our had a sibling to talk to even though my brother went to school. And we knew that there are siblings, but there was no such connection there. So yeah, like, we still have a lot to do in India, we have still a lot to catch up. And like build those care systems, like on the village level to on the town level to like everywhere, like we have a lot to
Chris Berstler:awesome. Thank you all very much for sharing. When was the first time you met another sib? How did that make you feel?
Shawnnita Buckner:For me, in the church we grew up in, there were many families and siblings and people with disabilities. So I think naturally, I was connected or nuisance at an early age, but didn't have that relationship I was looking for as I have it now. So when I think back I think my first like true sibling connection or meeting another sieve was probably in college. So back in early 2003. I can remember being in a psychology course, my degrees are in psychology and forensic sciences. But I was in one of my psychology courses, and we were talking about something about family dynamics. And something my professor said sparked me to share our family dynamics. So I had mentioned I had a brother with disabilities and, and our family dynamic was different than what he was talking about in class. And I remember another girl raised her hand and said something similar. So immediately after class we like met and the corridor, and instantly kind of connected and shared our stories. And it felt so good to be able to have an honest and transparent conversation with someone who had shared a similar life than I had, who went through many of the same challenges, who had the same highs and who had the same low. So it really made me feel really good. Because I was like finally I get to share my sibling story. Without it being or feeling so traumatic, or someone not quite understanding what it was like to, you know, lose out on part of your maybe teenage years because you were helping at home, or what it was like to fly back home on the weekends or every month so that you stay connected with your Sim and you were able to help and support where you could. So it was just such a riveting experience to have someone connected and understand to the same level. And from connecting with that said we were able to connect with other sibs and kind of our little subgroup, I went to Texas Tech University, our kind of group continued to grow. And we just continued to make connections. So I love the way that I felt. And I love it even more as an adult, the way it makes me feel when I connect with other siblings in it, and it being becoming more normalized than it was, you know, way back in 1999 or even in 2003. So it's a great feeling for me to have.
Stephanie Lanham:I didn't meet another sibling until just a few years ago and 2019 I met a wonderful lady and said name Rachel at a Maryland developmental disability sibling conference. I remember going there and feeling super awkward going there. And I said down at a table and she came over to me and welcomed me with open arms. She since then she's introduced me to other sibs that I've built wonderful relationships with including the SLN, including the SLNs own Lisa Matthews. It's definitely something that I wish I had earlier in my life in my childhood. But I'm, I'm so glad that I finally have met other sibs, because it just makes me feel so much stronger. And it makes me feel not alone. There's just so much compassion, love and understanding when you connect with another sip, it's, it's like they automatically get you and for me, I feel like our friendships have grown stronger and faster than somebody who's not uscib Just because we have that understanding.
Piyush Mishra:I completely agree with Stephanie, like, siblings, click very fast, we just somehow clicked together. And for me, I met, like, do I have had interactions during my childhood, childhood, but for the first time, I really met a sibling during my master's, her name is Paul Levy. And her brothers is also autistic. And it was like, for the first time I was, like, actually talking about the sibling stuff, the guilt stuff, or what happens? The carrier, the carrier thing, the future planning thing. So it was very nice to talk with her. And she has been a huge support system for me. And I still remember that I told her the idea of creating a sibling support network in India, like I told her the first time, okay, like, this is my idea. What do you think? And she were like, Yeah, we should do something regarding this. And she has been a very good support system in my life,
Chris Berstler:If any, what role has peer support from other sibs played in your ongoing sibling journey?
Piyush Mishra:I think I have been on the other side, providing some kind of support and like building support structures. So most of the most of the time, it was like, what about me not getting support, and I'm just on the other end. But recently, it was a very difficult phase for me internally when my brother was moving to a group home. This was because my parents are also aging and like, it was like, the very correct time. And I was also moving out of India. But I was I was opposed to that, because I didn't want and I felt like that guilt that oh, I'm, I'm kind of going into disability feel the sector but kind of sacrificing my brother like, I'm not with him right now. So that that is always there. But in that phase, like my sibling friends, like Priyanka and Pallavi, like, they really helped me, they really like they really supported to, like, cross that emotional barrier. So yeah, most of the times I have been on the other end like, but this was the like, first time when somebody like provided it has been very, it has been really very good to be supported by
Stephanie Lanham:Oh, wow. Well, peer support has definitely played a humongous role in my life the past few years, since are the people that I've been waiting to meet my entire life, having people in life in my life who share similar experiences, or even those who don't share similar experiment experiences, but the fact that we're all siblings, to people with disabilities has, has really been a strong community of support for me. My life has dramatically and positively changed since I've been connected to other sibs. The beautiful people that I've met have introduced me to organizations that I serve on today, and they provide refuge in an overwhelming world.
Shawnnita Buckner:I think Stephanie hit the nail right on the head of, of peer support, providing that refuge that we need. So often I have felt alone or by myself and providing support for other people, but not having that support provided back to me. And I often say kind of that sibling role is the the lost world, we are often forgotten about and people forget that we need as much love and care and support as our siblings do. Especially kind of being in that middle ground where we're not the parent. We're not the sibling. We're stuck right in the middle. And that's a hard place to be. And so for me, I think peer support really played a significant role when I was getting married. And I struggled. My husband and I dated for a very, very long time. If probably longer than than most people would want to before getting married. And people always asked what my hesitation was? And the honest answer is, when I get married, I know my life is going to change again. And it's going to take me away from being totally available to help with my brother to now being a wife. And I struggled. And I didn't know how to make that transition. So having other siblings help share their stories with how they made that transition from being single, to now married. And then when I had children, it changed again. Now I'm even more not available. I'm married, I have two kids, we have a very busy life. We have school, we have sports, you know, my kids need mommy's attention. So I really reach two siblings, again, to tell me, how did you make this transition? And how are you still available and or connected with your CIP. But making sure that you put your family first and making sure you put your husband and your children first. SIM support was just so impactful to me as I was making these major milestone, changes in my life and being able to hear from folks who had gone through those same transitions, and being siblings because I could talk to my girlfriends who weren't siblings, and they couldn't share that same support or guidance, or, you know, the truth of what it may be like, but someone who was a sieve, but also getting married, or also having children, I'm just really providing that insight to help guide me. So I think those were two significant times in my life where that support was, was so very important and still continues to be, you know, important as I'm making changes and trying to again, just navigate, how do I have my own life, but but still be that sibling or provide that support for my brother and my family that I hope to provide, I would be honest, and say, I'm still struggling there, because it changes so often. That's why having those connections with sales is just so very important, really lifelong connections that I hope to have forever to whether I'm venting, crying or sharing a success story. Having that support is just so important and impactful in my life,
Chris Berstler:in what ways positively and negatively has the pandemic changed the ways in which siblings support each other in relation to like peer support, how have we changed supporting each other as siblings,
Shawnnita Buckner:I think with a pandemic, obviously, sip support looks different. So where you may have been able to connect in person, and it wasn't a second thought of, oh, I can't see someone at their home or for dinner or over lunch or in the community. And then the pandemic happened, and it was like, I can't see these people. And where I need that physical, in person connection with someone. Now I have to learn to make this transition in a virtual world, which as we know, is very different. So yes, I loved that I was able to schedule a zoom or do a FaceTime, whether it was with my brother, or was with another sibling, but you're still missing some genuineness, because seeing you through my phone or seeing you through my computer is different than seeing you at my home or seeing you somewhere in the community. And when I needed someone to hug me because I was having a rough day, there was no one to do that. So that that was hard for me. And I had mentioned my family, we go to my mom's pretty much every Sunday to you know, visit my family there, visit my brother. And then when the pandemic happened, we weren't able to do that. That was hard. And it was hard for many children, it was hard for my brother and when those questions would come up, and you know, when am I going to see you? When are you coming? Like I'm not, and to have to keep your distance even more with someone who has medical conditions because you don't want to bring anything to them. So you want to keep them safe. So I would say the positive side of sibling support during the pandemic was that we had to be creative and ways to stay connected. And lots of virtual interactions are how do we play, you know, through zoom? You know, how do we make sure that we still have those daily check ins or those weekly check ins? So it was nice that technology was advanced enough for us to be able to do that because it could you ever imagine if this was the early 90s And we're in COVID and you you can't do those things. And the negative side for us was again, just missing that true connection missing that genuine miss I Um, you know, missing, being able to reach out and hold someone's hand if they were struggling to that was that was challenging. I know, especially for us because I'm a person who likes touch. And I'm a person who likes that type of connection. And, and when I want to cry my eyes out, like, I don't want to do that over zoom, I want to be in front of you. And I want you to tell me, it's going to be okay while you're patting my back. So lots of changes through the pandemic. And we are so thankful that we are now on the other side of this and, and we've gotten back to business as usual. And we're able to go over every Sunday and, and we're able to have those genuine connections that we so missed when we weren't able to see each other,
Piyush Mishra:we started when the pandemic hit, like the community have started started. And if we did kind of the zoom thing, and connecting the connecting through online platforms, it kind of really helped us to build a network like and reach out to siblings, on in many states, in India, and even Indian siblings who are abroad. So that was a huge plus, we also did a lot of zero to one work, like like talking about topics like marriage, talking about what happens, talking about the sexual concerns, and the sexual abuse in the residential centers, we are also able to get the experts. So what I mean to say is that pandemic really helped us in building the community and getting the name of getting out the name of sibling in the disability circles in India, that was a huge plus. But over the time, like now, when the second wave of COVID hit in India, it was extremely devastating. And after that, we could really not work that on that level like it, we were not able to work. And especially now we are realizing that we are done with the Zoom era, we now need some physical connections, we now need to actually restart meeting up because and actually go to people and have some kind of some kind of sense of community. Again, that thing is very difficult to do. So I think right now we are more concerned about how do we do that? How do we go beyond the online thing? Because we are kind of like we are oh, we are saturated, we are already saturated by all the Zoom things and all. So yeah, it has been a trajectory of like, peer support model in India. And we are still like learning like how to use
Stephanie Lanham:so I met my sib friends less than a year before the pandemic happened. So I don't really have much of a background based on on how our support has changed. I found the online gatherings very supportive to me at the time, there was a lot of different online gatherings with different SLN chapters that happened and some of the DC sibs here in Washington DC getting together. Also The SLM conference provided an opportunity for sibs to connect during the pandemic, which I appreciated so much. Because, yeah, it's tough feeling that you can't go visit your city because you're afraid that you're going to pass something on to them or, or, you know, for me, it's like I have, you know, parents that are vulnerable for various conditions and stuff. So it was a very tough time. And still, but I can't wait to get together. Hopefully, things are getting better to have that in person connection. Because yeah, that's very important.
Chris Berstler:What are your hopes for the future of the sibling community?
Shawnnita Buckner:My hopes would be that we see diversity increased. And I know that's something especially with the SLN with diversity, equity and inclusion that we're working on. But I'd like to see, especially because I'm from the black community, I'd love to see more black soaps. I'd love it to be not seen as a bad thing, and seen as something positive for connection. So that is definitely my hope, just more diversity, bringing in more people from the black community because there's so many supports out there that I think would be beneficial to everyone.
Stephanie Lanham:I agree with Shawnnita I hope to see more diversity in the sibling community, I hope to see siblings of by cultural background.
Piyush Mishra:For me, it will be something regarding connection of different global sibling organizations and they helping each other to how to run the sibling support network in their own countries. Because I feel that the sibling organizations especially like us, like need a lot of For know how in support on how to go about things, even though the context is different, but we still need still need some kind of confident confidence from our peers in other countries. So that is what I imagined something like that of global training camp or something like that.
Chris Berstler:Finally, what will you be doing to celebrate National Siblings Day this year?
Shawnnita Buckner:National Siblings Day is on a Sunday. So we will go to my mom's as we normally do. We will have a big Sunday dinner. And we will play Uno, of course, and just really spend that time together with Jay. Also, something new this year, another sibling friend of mine is hosting like a sibs brunch, which I hope that I can make it to seems very exciting to connect with other siblings that I have not met. So I'm excited to go over, spend some time with Jay and hopefully join some other sibs for brunch,
Stephanie Lanham:On national Siblings Day, I'm actually enrolled in yoga, teacher training and have training that day. So I won't be able to spend time with my brother. But I will be visiting him a few days before, and we'll probably get something delicious to eat and hang out. I think me doing the yoga teacher training is an important form of self care for me to be involved and to learn more about yoga and yoga philosophy. And that I have to remind myself that that is not selfish to be doing that. Because, like the old saying goes, you know, you can't take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself first.
Piyush Mishra:So I wish I could be there with my brother. But I won't be but so. But I have a very close sibling friend here, who is in PhD, her name is Hope. So we both are planning to go some somewhere like some go out and like eat and drink. That's the plan with siblings today. And I'll be also connecting with some siblings back in India. So maybe, I don't know, maybe we can have a little siblings meet after a long time. Looking forward.
Chris Berstler:Yeah, there's all sounds like really great plans. Thank you for sharing. I want to thank you very much for spending your time with us and sharing your story with everyone. I really appreciate your time. Thank you. Happy siblings.
Stephanie Lanham:Thank you
Piyush Mishra:Thank you. Thank you so much.
Shawnnita Buckner:Thank you
Chris Berstler:make sure to check that our COVID Resource Center on sibling leadership.org for more tips and information on how to safely get back out into your community. This year's events for national Siblings Day include sibs in the media from California sibling Leadership Network going on from April 2 to April 10. Check out the bunny Jennifer's and sibling Support Project fundraiser going on April 6 to April 10. Fox Cities Kids Expo on April 9 from Wisconsin sibs, real abilities Film Festival meetup happening on April 10 With sibs, New York, donate 10 on the 10th from sibs, New York as well on April 10, April 19, tabs chat, Nashville Conflict Resolution Center by tabs, Tennessee adult brothers and sisters, check out Massachusetts sibling support projects. Where do I start? Who do I speak to? And what should I do if I'm stuck a workshop on navigating state services on April 27. Also on April 27, the sibling leadership networks own symposium, the power of peer support for siblings of people with disabilities. Thank you all for listening, and we wish you a very Happy National Siblings Day 2022! Find resources, tools and information about the sibling experience on sibling leadership.org. The sibling Leadership Network is a nonprofit and we rely on support from our audience. Find the donation button on our homepage and contribute to the ever growing sibling movement.