Music Credits: Hope by Scandinavianz | https://soundcloud.com/scandinavianz Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Free Relaxing Chill Music | ARNOR by Alex-Productions | https://onsound.eu/ Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com Creative Commons / Attribution 3.0 Unported License (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en_US
Music Credits: Hope by Scandinavianz | https://soundcloud.com/scandinavianz Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Free Relaxing Chill Music | ARNOR by Alex-Productions | https://onsound.eu/ Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com Creative Commons / Attribution 3.0 Unported License (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en_US
Welcome to the sibling Leadership Network podcast. The sibling Leadership Network is a national nonprofit whose mission is to provide siblings of individuals with disabilities the information support and tools to advocate with their brothers and sisters and to promote the issue is important to us and our entire families. Hello, and thank you for joining us for another episode of the sibling Leadership Network Podcast. Today we will be discussing more on self care. And we will go through a guided meditations specifically for sips I'm joined today by Kaylee de advocate for adults with the Denver County Chapter of the ark and from The SLM Colorado chapter, Rocky Mountain sibs and SLN zone communications consultant, Patricia Repolda.
Kaley Day:
Hi, thanks for having us.
Chris Berstler:
What is self care? And why is it so important for siblings and specific?
Patricia Repolda:
Well, self care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve your physical and mental health and generally your holistic well being. These are activities or practices that help you manage stress and increase your your energy and they don't have to be elaborate or time consuming. They can be simple things that you do in your daily life that have an impact on the way you feel, you know, like taking time to breathe, or simply being present in the moment, or even listening to music. So those are all different types of self care in a nutshell.
Kaley Day:
Yeah, I think is like self care has become like more of a buzzword over the last like decade or so I feel there was this early notion that it was very extravagant, like, you're going to have a spa day and a shopping spree and self care requires money and, you know, luxury and things like that. And I'm glad that I think there's been a shift in the last couple of years. And that showing that self care is not a one size fits all thing. And it's not something that you need to have any money to do it there. It's it can be doing things in buying things. But it is also I think, just taking in practices and other like non tangible things, you do that that promote your own wellness.
Chris Berstler:
Patricia, the SLN just created a sibling's self care toolkit and workbook. Please tell us all about it and how listeners can access it.
Patricia Repolda:
Sure, well, the SLS website is full of great resources. And there are a number of them specifically on the subject of self care. So we thought why not aggregate all the wonderful learnings from those articles into a toolkit so that they're easy to refer to. And so that sibs can create a self care action plan based on them. So we added workbook sections throughout this this document that we were working on. And it transformed into this sibling self care toolkit and workbook. So right now it's available on SLM websites, sibling leadership.org, just click on the Resources tab on the top of the page and click on adult subset. It's underneath the self care tab.
Chris Berstler:
What is a self care plan? And how can I establish one?
Patricia Repolda:
A self care plan basically outlines what do you plan to do or integrate into your daily life to focus more on your wellness, it starts with looking at where you are now, and seeing what areas you may be in need of support a little bit more and realize the things that energize you, you know, things that bring you joy, peace or relaxation. So for example, you may discover in doing the workbook that you may be exercising regularly, so you're taking care of your physical health, but you feel like you could really benefit from having meaningful conversations and quality time with friends. So in your self care plan, you may then include that you will strive to spend at least one Saturday afternoon a month having coffee with someone. The thing with establishing a self care plan is that it also has to be realistic. So if once a month is all that you can commit to for now, that's perfectly okay. So let's just said you know, there isn't a one size fits all strategy. In the workbook, we've actually outlined seven areas of self care such as you know, physical, mental, social, etc. But it's important to remember that different types of self care are usually interconnected. So for example, what's good for the body is oftentimes good for the mind and vice versa. So when you create your self care plan, you tailor fit it to your preferences and what's going on in your life. Yeah,
Kaley Day:
I think like Patricia said, it's something that's both like proactive, something you're doing in the present to like daily, those little habits, those little things that help you to feel your best self, but then I think it's also having that plan for the future where, you know, kind of how to recognize when you might be like reaching a burnout phase, when you're starting to get really fatigued when you really need that kind of extra layer of self care around you and knowing like, how to watch out for that and what to do when you start reaching that kind of more dire point, I guess.
Patricia Repolda:
Yeah. And also just want to quickly Add, it's also good to be mindful when you are doing those mindfulness or when you're doing those self care practices, because then you kind of benefit from them a little bit more, knowing that, you know, this is something for me, and this is something for me exclusively. So it's also nourishing, in a sense to kind of have that awareness.
Chris Berstler:
What role does self awareness play in my self care plan?
Patricia Repolda:
Well, self awareness is, I think the one of the most crucial component of self care is actually the first step to creating it, because it provides the foundation for understanding your needs, you know, recognizing what what stresses you out, or what makes you feel overwhelmed, like Haley said, and making informed choices about how to care for your physical, emotional, mental well being. being self aware also helps in monitoring your energy levels, and you know, recognizing signs of burnout or exhaustion. And it can help you establish and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships and other areas of your life. When you know, your limits, you can assertively communicate and protect your personal space and time and respond to stress or, you know, just difficult circumstances in healthy ways, you know, through like relaxation techniques, or mindfulness, or, you know, seeking support from others. So just empowers you to make choices that align with your, with your value. So when when you're self aware, it's much more easy to go about doing those things.
Kaley Day:
I think self awareness can come into when you're practicing self care, and in recognition, knowing whether or not something's working for you or not. I know I've been through a lot of things where maybe I had this like this, I found this plan on the internet for self care, and I'm gonna do step by step. And it has to work for me, and I have to do it this way to make it work and like going through those things. I had the self awareness to be like, Wait, this is not making me feel better. This is not doing what it's supposed to do for me. So I knew at that point that I needed to pivot and find something that did work for me. So I think it's keeping that self awareness. Yeah, from the start. And that's what like, you know, engages or self care. And then throughout to know, is this really working for me? Am I actually getting what I need from this
Unknown:
That was a really good points too, because like Kaley said, sometimes you come across things that read as a list more of when you're when you're thinking about creating a self care plan. And in theory, they may sound nice, like, you know, like, take a bubble bath or spend 30 minutes reading a book or something. And because you have access to all of these, you know, different ideas, you may want to start integrating them and then it kind of starts getting overwhelming because it's like, okay, I didn't shut this off the list. And so when you do start from a self awareness, place, and then you continue to, to include that, as you're going about establishing a self care plan, it makes it more manageable. So yeah, she's absolutely right, integrating it the whole way through.
Chris Berstler:
So you mentioned boundaries, what role do boundaries play in my self care plan?
Patricia Repolda:
Recognizing and setting boundaries is an important aspect of maintaining healthy relationships and your personal well being so it's a crucial component of your self care plan. Boundaries is you know, oftentimes, there are a combination of your your limits your values, expectations in different areas of your life. So, for example, if part of your self care plan is focusing on your mental health, let's say specifically, that you just want to take care of yourself by not putting too much on your plate and you want to feel less overwhelmed. setting boundaries with regards to your time and energy would then be necessary. So you would have to communicate those with the people involved and be clear about what you can or cannot give. clear boundaries can also lead to healthier sibling and family relationships. They allow for open and honest communications about roles and expectations within the family. So that helps reduce misunderstandings and conflicts as well. So establishing boundaries can help with ultimately making you feel better about your relationships and all and also about yourself so that you can pursue your own life path without feelings of guilt, for example, about dedicating your time and energy to your own aspirations.
Kaley Day:
I know I said this quote in the last self care podcast, I'm gonna say it again, because it's such a great quote, it's from Prentice Hemphill"boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." Oh, yeah, I think as I know, for myself, and I think so often with sibs, we can get overextended really quickly. We can feel responsible for a lot of people and things outside of ourselves, and feel like there's no option other than to take on that responsibility and do whatever we can and that's how we get burnout so quickly. And so I think being able to sell stuff Set boundaries around your time around your energy around, even Conversations, I'm sure around the holidays right now there's lots of boundary setting around Mom, we're not going to talk about that. When I'm there for Christmas, things like that. Yeah, I think it just it gives you that space to be better towards yourself and better towards others. Because when I start feeling overextended, I start getting resentful. And I start just not being the natural caregiver that I know I am, because I'm just burnout. And so boundaries allow me to be my best self in a better way.
Patricia Repolda:
And just going back, you know, I think when you have that self awareness piece first, then it's, it's easier to establish the boundary, because then you start recognizing, you know, okay, these are the things or these are the conversations like Haley said, these are the conversations that make me feel overwhelmed or burnt out or stressed. And so, you know, we're not going there right now, or we're not going to talk about this right now. Or I'm only going to spend five minutes doing this for now, you know, so I think everything kind of links together when, when you're considering all of these different pieces. With regards to self care,
Chris Berstler:
tell us a little bit about building a support network as part of our self care plans.
Patricia Repolda:
So it's easy to feel alone or isolated, right? Especially when you're handling all of these different things in different situations in your life. In the workbooks. I'll talk specifically with regards to the workbook piece that we have. So in the workbook, they have a little exercise to kind of help you take stock of who's in your corner and a guide on the different types of support available, which, when we started working on this, I thought it was really interesting, because, you know, most of us were often aware of, you know, the emotional support piece, right. So these are individuals who provide you with, like empathy and comfort and reassurance, encouraging encouragement during challenging times. But there are other kinds of support available out there. So like informational support. So these are people who can provide you with education or information, or tools to help you in in situations or circumstances that you may need guidance on. There's also appraisal support. So those are people who can provide you with genuine and honest feedback and perspective on a problem, for example. So it's easy to think that maybe you just have a few people in your family or a few friends supporting you. But you might be surprised that there are other people in your support network or more people you can potentially include. So doing this exercise can help you determine how to strengthen your existing support network. So you know, for example, you might be relying on your mom, or a family member to tell you more about your siblings disability. But, you know, perhaps you may consider including, like local librarians in your network with regards to this piece, because they can help you do research or they can potentially point you to, to subject matter experts locally, who can then give you information. So it's, it's really, it's really important to recognize that there may be other places where you can gather where you can gather support. And lastly, I'd like to just point out that there are also excellent online groups. For example, subnet is one of them. And the sibling Leadership Network also has a Facebook group exclusively for sibs. And so those are wonderful pockets on the internet, where you can connect meaningfully with with siblings from all around the world. Basically,
Kaley Day:
I'll quickly attest to how just connecting with siblings and being a part of the sibling Leadership Network in Rocky Mountain sibs alike has been a true piece of my self care like in the past almost a decade, you know, I didn't really meet or connect with other siblings till I was in my mid 20s. And then I went to a meet up we had and I remember coming home and my boyfriend at the time saying like you're glowing like you be there's something about you right now. I was like, I just got to talk to people who understand me like, it was such this like cathartic release. And then just the friendships and connections I've made and maintained from from being around and meeting other sibs has just been been a huge piece of that and a huge piece of that support. I wanted to also say for I think a lot for me, a support network is important. You know, we talked about self awareness, and how important that is and even initiating your self care. I'm sure it's not just me, but sometimes self awareness is really hard for me. Especially when I have already like reached that breaking point when I am already tired and I'm just in the thick, thick of it. It, it can be really hard to snap myself out of it and having a support network around me who can also recognize for me, like, Okay, you're you're there girl, you know, I think back, you know, I went through my brother being in hospice about a couple years ago, he's much better now everything turned around miraculously. But that was a really difficult time. And I spent about three weeks away from home with my at my family home to help take care of him and be with my family. And I was burnout like that whole time for sure. And it was my partner who, you know, could tell that was going on who said, hey, you know, tonight when you're done with everyone, let's get on FaceTime and watch our cooking competition show. And just having that time to just like watch our show and talk and just kind of get out of that moment and not have that stress for a minute was so important and like helped me get through like the rest of that time there and to not burn out and to be able to be there and be present with my family like I wanted to be. So yeah, I think having having a support network, having people in your corner and having people who who know you and know what it looks like when you need help. And when you need to start using self care is really important because sometimes that can be hard to do on our own.
Chris Berstler:
Thank you both very much. Now, Kaylee will guide us through a guided meditation specifically made for sibs, please sit back and enjoy.
Kaley Day:
I do have to preface this with that I am in no way a therapist, a counselor, a trained teacher around meditation or mindfulness. I am just a sibling and a student of these practices that have have taken these tools and use them to my benefit and put some things together that I hope will be of benefit to you as well. So I call this a brief meditation for siblings and three parts. First, we're going to settle into our bodies and our breath, then we're going to check in with our feelings. And then we're going to give ourselves what we need in that moment. So I want to invite you at this time to bring your awareness and take everything around you all that buzzing, chaotic energy of the world of life of traffic outside your door and just make your space smaller, bring yourself inward, settle into some comfortable stillness, whatever that looks like for you start relaxing your body, straighten your back if you need to adjust in whatever way is comfortable for you. Try to find some grounding as you find that stillness within yourself and starting from the top of your head. start feeling as we move down our bodies relaxing, releasing tension from your forehead, your jaw down through your neck. start releasing your shoulders. By net relaxation and your arms and your fingers. Feel the grounding weight in your hips and your back down through your thighs. Relax your knees and your legs down to your feet and your toes and just spend a moment feeling that stillness in that comfort start bringing your awareness to your breath. Sitting with your breath for a while again in whatever way that's comfortable for you. For me, I like taking for long seconds of breath in and for long seconds of breath out just sit for a while with your breath. And now as you're in that space of comfort and awareness with your body and your breath, start to allow yourself to see what sort of feelings are coming up for you right now. Feelings around being the sibling around taking care of yourself or maybe not taking care of yourself enough. And don't judge or assign any sort of good or bad to those feelings, just acknowledge them you can say, you know, I feel anxious right now. I feel tired right now. I feel goofy right now. Whatever it is, just share some space with that feeling. And just let it be beat you with it. And if you start feeling like you're leaning into that feeling a little too much, go back to your breath, bring it back to your breath, if the feeling start getting too too heavy, but just know what's there and just sit with that feeling for a little while. Now that we've shared space with our feeling, and shared space with our breath, we're going to give that feeling in ourselves what you need in this moment. So if you're worried, you are going to tell yourself I'm doing what I can with what I have. Maybe if you're tired, you're going to tell yourself I deserve rest. I can ask for rest maybe if you're isolated as siblings can often feel remind yourself I am not alone in this maybe you feel gratitude and you can say I'm grateful for this unique journey and experience take whatever resonates with you. And just repeat that repeat that affirmation to yourself. You can tell yourself that I acknowledged the challenges that my sibling and myself face and I see the strength within that we have to get through them I celebrate the differences that make our family extraordinary. Find space in yourself for whatever you need. Right now whether it's celebration, gratitude, whether grades comfort, whether it gets those reminders that we aren't alone, that we deserve rest and that we're doing the best we can take whatever resonates with you and just give yourself that gift in this moment. When you feel like you can walk away and keep that feeling with you, then I invite you to start bringing your awareness back shaking your toes, shaking your fingers and shaking things out and allow yourself to bring that affirmation in that comfort that you found in that quiet space within and bring it out and carry it with you throughout your day, throughout your week, throughout the holiday season. And always come back to that when you need it. As things get hectic during the holidays as challenges arise, come back to that space and come back to that place where you know that you can give yourself some comfort in the moment and just share space with your feelings and know that feelings are not good or bad. But they're just things that we live with and learn to deal with. thank yourself for giving yourself the space and giving yourself what you need.
Chris Berstler:
Patricia and Kaylee, thank you so much for being with us today and sharing all about self care.
Patricia Repolda:
Thank you for having us.
Chris Berstler:
Any resources that Patricia and Kaylee have mentioned you can find in the description below. Thank you for joining best wishes on your self care journey. Find resources, tools and information about the sibling experience on sibling leadership dot for the sibling Leadership Network is a nonprofit and we rely on support from our audience. Find the donation button on our homepage and contribute to the ever growing sibling movement.