Angela West-Brown, Dianne Bilyak & Jessica Gonzalez come together as a follow up to their 2021 SLN Conference session to speak about their journeys as sibling authors and why sharing our stories as siblings is so important.
Transcript for this episode
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Angela West-Brown, Dianne Bilyak & Jessica Gonzalez come together as a follow up to their 2021 SLN Conference session to speak about their journeys as sibling authors and why sharing our stories as siblings is so important.
Transcript for this episode
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Welcome to the sibling Leadership Network podcast. The sibling Leadership Network is a national nonprofit whose mission is to provide siblings of individuals with disabilities the information support and tools to advocate with their brothers and sisters and to promote the issues important to us and our entire families. Hello, and welcome to another episode of The SLM Podcast. Today, I'm joined by three fantastic sibling authors that you may already recognize from our 2021 conference. They're here to speak about their journeys as sibling authors, and why sharing our stories as siblings is so important. Today, I am joined by Diane beyak, author of nothing special, the mostly true sometimes funny tales of two sisters, Angela West Brown, author of Lost and Found educating parents of intellectually disabled high school students how to navigate through college and beyond. And Jessica Gonzalez, author of Luna Yes, or as it's better known by Spanish title, Luna Si. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Angela West-Brown:Thank you so much.
Jessica Gonzalez:Thank you, I appreciate it as well.
Chris Berstler:So my first question is, what is your motivating drive? As a sibling author? What is your passion? And has that inspiration surfaced as any other forms of creativity in your lives?
Jessica Gonzalez:I kind of came up with the idea of Luna Yes, Luna, Si, when I was working with my publisher, she was launching her publishing company when I met her. And she was telling me about how there was a person who wants to write a children's book about teaching kids about anxiety, and how anxiety could be like a superpower for them. And I was very inspired by that to you know, share the story of my little sister and her how she has autism and how she may be different, but these different ways of showing love exploring different love languages, for people who are who don't, who are intellectually disabled. We, I mean, I very much was inspired by the fact that we don't have a lot of books that touch on this, and I don't, I didn't want it to be shown in like a negative light, I want to do a very feel good light of what my life has been growing up with a little sister with autism, the ups and downs of it. So I very much wanted to show a spotlight because I think children don't necessarily talk about having friends or people with disabilities. And I very much want to, you know, I very much want to open the door for kids to you know, play on the playground, and they'll have you know, one friend with Down syndrome, one friend with autism, one friend with a wheelchair, and you know, just seeing them interact more and to hopefully open up that gate for children to socialize more that sense.
Dianne Bilyak:Yeah , so I, I had a kind of a different experience, I started off wanting to write humorous essays. And, and I did do that, and I kind of was part of a group in Boston area. And we would go around and do these humorous little pieces. One was a musician, one was an actor, and another woman was a poet, and spoken word or artist. And then so for me, I was the kind of like, the David Sedaris type Person of the group. And I would go and read these stories about my sister. And I was kind of basically workshopping them in that in that venue. And then. And then I talked to a publisher, and she has a son with Down syndrome. And so then we started to work on it more as the book and try to put those stories into the sibling narrative. And, and mostly, I think at the time, because I didn't read a lot of books by siblings, I didn't see a lot of books by siblings. And I certainly didn't see a lot of books that had humor in them. So I think that was my main goal. And some and some part of me also wanted some parents to read it to kind of understand the other side of, you know, if they had several kids or another kid, sort of what it was like, for that child, you know, we're not really allowed too much as siblings to talk honestly, about our experiences and to express a lot of the sort of variety of emotions. And we often grow up. When we're young, we're sort of little adults sometimes, too. So those are some of the things I was hoping to address and, and in other ways, you know, they were essays I could read and I worked on them as monologue. So I've been kind of working on this for about 10 years in different venues.
Angela West-Brown:So when I think about what inspired me to write last and found, I just thought about my grandmother's experience raising myself and my sister that has intellectual disabilities. She's about three years younger than me and I thought about how the resources the information that my grandmother needed during the transition period of the IEP was null and void. You know, if no one told her about it, she just believed what the IEP team told her. And that was that. So I wrote my book just to make sure that families like mine had the resources, the information, and then they also knew that they were not alone in the process. And just trying to use it as what I've come to terms with like a preventative measure, just like we go to the doctor, and get your annual checkup, my I looked at, I'm now able to look at my book as this family checkup for children that are going through the school system, and they're in special education, and their parents are like, Oh, my God, my child is getting towards transition planning, and they're becoming a young adult, and we got to start thinking about graduation and creating just this warm hug around them, you know, during this process, so they don't never want to feel alone. Number two, they they're not feeling confused. And then that's pretty much where I got the title from Lost and Found, at the time, I was thinking, like, oh, you know, family lost, and I'm gonna be the compass that helped people come through and guide them through. And, you know, at that time, that was my whole mindset around it, you know,
Chris Berstler:has writing been a form of self care for you? And if so, has it helped you grow as a person? And how?
Dianne Bilyak:Okay, yeah, this is a good one for me. Yes, writing this particular book, I'm an angry person, you know, I get angry at things a lot. And I had a, and a lot of that came from being an adult child of an alcoholic. And so I got to work out a lot of my stuff. Because sometimes in therapy, I don't know about anyone else if they've gone, but I end up talking and talking, talking, and I talk about the same things over and over again, and they're floating on the air, it's like the experiences I'm having, or the ways that I might be thinking about healing, or, you know, approaching something differently, it kind of floats off into the therapists world, and I don't really get a lot of understanding for myself. So by writing these stories, and including a lot of different parts of my childhood, I was able to actually deal with things and kind of move to a place of I wouldn't say forgiveness, necessarily, but just acceptance. And, you know, it was merely my responsibility, a lot of times to move on, and I couldn't do it. And so I was able to see that, that you know, how things how I was impacted by things, but how was also my responsibility to move on. And when it comes to the sibling stuff, the same thing, like with my sister, you know, it took me a lot of years to kind of deal with her being part of a group home systems and other systems that are out there for her. And, and there was, like, this weird competition thing like and about, you know, she seems to like the staff better, she seems to, like, you know, which is what you want. But I also wanted to have a relationship with her. So just working out a lot of those things, and not staying in the place of how I felt about it, but how I can change things, and approach it in a healthier way, in a way that was more like from a problem solving perspective, as opposed to a you know, I'm in my feelings, so that that was a big change. And I think the writing definitely helped with that, because it was on paper, and I had to keep editing it. Somewhere I edited it, I was like, Oh, my gosh, shut up, you know, Quit whining about this, or just different things like that. I just could see, I could now see myself, you know, from a different perspective. And and I think, you know, I didn't edit it all out. I kept a lot of that in there and then reflected on it. But, you know, it's, uh, I think the writing was great for that, at least for me, and then, you know, and then I could sort of rewrite in my own head like, Well, how do I want to do that differently? Now?
Jessica Gonzalez:I definitely feel like writing has been just incredible for me. And much like Diane said, I very much found writing to be more therapeutic. I even have a journal to kind of document my mindset and how much I've changed as a person. I've actually this is my third one. So really been committing to understanding myself because I started when I actually wrote and published my book is when I started journaling, actually. And it's interesting to kind of see the transformation from there, to where I am now. And I would also say writing my book has given me the ability to talk about my sister in a way that opens up the door for people. Because for years and years, I mean, my sister was diagnosed in 2003. And it was very hard because a lot of people didn't understand autism. And you know, it's very much in us in a society where if you don't act or behave a certain way that most people find acceptable which is not how my sister behaves, people look at you, people will look very weird. But now it's kind of opened up the door for me to have these conversations with people. And I'm more brave. I think I'm more brave now because I'm more open to having these conversations, asked me about autism asked me about my sister, it's okay to ask them questions, even if you think they're dumb, I am very open to that. So it's been a great way to kind of open up that floodgate of autism and how, how, how it was growing up for me. And I think that writing this book, I mean, has been phenomenal. And just hearing the impact it's made in some people's lives, or it just being a Christmas present for someone is just the most heartwarming thing to hear. And it makes me feel like the months of wanting to pull my hair out because writing is fun. But there's the parts, there's the little things about writing a book that do get annoying to the point where you're like, Oh, my God, oh, my God, this isn't fun anymore. I'm pretty sure you guys can relate. We've all been there. Because we are all we all were in books. But um, it very much makes all the hard work worth it. And the fact I get to talk about my sister in a way that I'm very comfortable is phenomenal. And also, I know that this past the past year and a half, almost two years has been insane for everyone, but definitely tried writing, definitely try journaling. And really try to understand yourself better. Because sometimes you don't have access to therapist or anything, I highly encourage anyone start journaling, really talk to yourself, or literally talk to yourself, I don't judge. So do what's best for you. I love writing, it's just an amazing outlet.
Angela West-Brown:Just like Jessica state is kind of twofold. For me as well, writing my book opened up the doors for me to really come face to face with my feelings, my emotions, and really looking at the situation, not just how it affects me. But how it affects everyone, all the moving pieces in my life. And in my family. And then I've always been a journal or I'm always been like, a writer. And, you know, I started really meditating and journaling in doing my self care work at the time of the day, like I made sure after I wrote my book, because I felt like now I'm honorable, like I'm giving them, you know, this is my heart's work is I'm giving it to the world. And I just hope that they are able to receive it in the way that I intend for it to be received. So I had to create this self care routine in the mornings, because I just didn't know what to expect. But in the end of it all, people in families from around the world, we're like, Oh, my God, you know, I'm not alone anymore. I've gone through this too. I had a runner too. And you know, where were you 10 years ago, like, is still in high school? At the time when I wrote my book, like, yeah, you know. And so journaling, and getting my thoughts out, and I do not shy away from therapy. I've been, you know, going to therapy since undergrad. And it's helped me tremendously. Along with writing my book, it has been a part of my self care regimen. So yes.
Chris Berstler:Nice. Thank you. So, in your opinion, why is it so important for siblings to share their stories
Angela West-Brown:is so important, because a lot of times, we tend to take on the burden of our story of our experiences. And sometimes we feel so alone to the point that it becomes this grave per se that we're digging for ourselves in our own thoughts and worries and stressors. And we just feel like no one hears us because we're so used to just dealing with the situation hunkering down, you know, and not really reaching out for help. And you cannot reach out for help if don't if don't know what if no one knows that you need help, then how can they help you so you have to share your story, so that people can know what's happening with you, you have to invite them into your world. So that's why I believe it's so important that siblings share their story and inviting them into your world you realize that it's um, you know, it's not just you in the silos just you by yourself. It's a brave new world, as they say out there are siblings, but the same experience. And we need each other
Jessica Gonzalez:using our stories and using our voices to really connect with other people. Because to be honest, I mean, it was growing up. It's so hard to find people who know what it's like to have a sibling who has a disability. It's so difficult and it is very isolating. So the fact that we can put our work out there and connect with people who can understand us is phenomenal. Because then it does make you less lonely in the world. It's, it's very hard sometimes to go through these things. And it definitely, you know, shows a more human side to people as well. Because I think everyone's very obsessed with showing a picture perfect life, especially in this day and age of social media where everyone thinks they're a celebrity. No, no, no, not no shade thrown or anything. But I know that my life is very far from perfect. I know my why upon social media is not accurate to like how I may be doing that day or something. So for me to put out like this work and say, you know, sometimes it's hard, because I mean, it's a children's book, but it has that up and down where it's hard for my character, at times, especially when she feels like okay, mom and dad, they can't give me as much attention as my sister. So I guess I just kind of need to figure things out. But then you kind of see how the bond that she has with her sister really does help her get rid of that loneliness. And I very much believe in finding the beauty and imperfection. So it's really, I think that's the best thing about sharing these stories is really finding these amazing moments and inspiring others is a huge thing as well, because you never know, who might get a spark of inspiration from you, which is incredible, too.
Dianne Bilyak:Yeah, I'm gonna come at it from a more advocacy view. And just to shake it up a little bit, but I think that it's important that other siblings do, but now that I've kind of seen what's happening out in the world, where there's some division between groups of people who, you know, have have, are lacking resources in some way, or, or inclusion, or, you know, being asked to come to the table, you know, and I believe that it's important for siblings, if, especially if our siblings have the kind of IDD or disability that they can't really speak for themselves in a meaningful way. They don't have access to social media or, or, you know, things like that, for us to let people know, you know, what's happening, and, you know, how, how people are sometimes treated, and the lack of services and resources that are out there. And it's kind of if we want to, you know, we can share the good stuff. And, and, and, but also share a little bit of that part of the story. So, and I know that, you know, I think it's very depressing sometimes to talk about that. And it's hard for parents to hear that, especially, but I think we're sort of the ones who have to do that. And let people know, you know, how, because we're the ones who usually are with them more through the lifespan, our siblings, and also, we are the ones who feel equal to our siblings.
Chris Berstler:Has your sibling read your work? If so, what did they think of it?
Jessica Gonzalez:So my, my mom read my book to my sister, because she does need a little bit of assistance. She does recognize that the little sister is based off her because they do look very similar. And I mean, I did use physical pictures of me and my sister at a younger age for my illustrator. So she very much understands, okay, a book with me and Jesse, so that it's very cute. And that she realizes that. She's also my biggest fan. She has everything. She has a sticker of the book, she has a t shirt, she has a little mug, she has a magnet. So she's been like my biggest supporter and biggest fan. So I mean, I think I think very obvious that she loves it. So I appreciate it. And I'm very grateful that she loves it a lot
Dianne Bilyak:for me. She probably, you know, a few years ago, my sister would have had a different experience with the book, she wouldn't have been able to read it, per se, but that's one of the reasons why we put pictures in so there's like 25 Pictures sort of throughout. And so we've gone through it that way. And she's looked at the pictures, and I asked where she is and where I am or you know where the different people are. And, and so but because of COVID, we've there's been such a lack of, you know, going out there and publicizing the book or we haven't even had a launch yet. That was the weekend of the hurricane up here. And in Connecticut. It's just like, we just haven't had a lot of that. So I think she would definitely be more aware of it. If we could go places and she also broke her leg this summer. So she was in a rehab place. Yeah, I mean, she doesn't she's done like a little commercial. And we have a trailer for the book. So in some ways, I think she's aware but in other ways. I I've been I really wanted to celebrate her at the launch. And we were going to like tie dye T shirts and have a karaoke party and just do something really fun instead of wine and cheese. You know, that would focus on what what actually both of us like to do, you know, I don't like that fancy stuff either. So, but again, we had a hurricane come through, so we're hoping for the spring to try again.
Angela West-Brown:So my sister hasn't had opportunity to read my book. And I haven't had an opportunity to read my book to my sister. But she because she has a few challenges with, she would need some assistance. So the difference between my book and everyone else's book is that is kind of a cautionary tale. And my sister is a runner. So anytime I want to sit down and talk to her and do these different things, I'm just happy to see her. I'm trying to get her to the doctor, I'm trying to make sure she's okay. I'm trying to make sure that, you know, nothing has happened. And I finally had, you know, the opportunity to catch up with her a couple of months ago. And my mind, honestly, my mind was so far away from my book, it was on making sure she was okay and stable. And so now that my book is, is audible, is that audible version. I said, Okay? When I'm able to catch up with her again, I'm going to let her listen because she loves listening to music or what have you. So I'm going to send it to her as an audible gift and let her listen to it. I'm like, this is our you know, and see how it goes. I love that.
Chris Berstler:It's awesome. How has the pandemic impacted your relationship with your sibling? And has that found its way into any of your writing?
Dianne Bilyak:Not yet, but I've been taking notes because it's been really awful. Yeah, there's just so many things that have happened, that she's actually gone way beyond like, her skill level, and all of her stuff has just, it's just gone backwards. And, and then she broke her leg. So yeah, I think at some point, I'll be working on kind of a, a sequel or something, you know, like a another book, but probably in a little bit more like what Angela has worked on, kind of like combining this what to what to prepare for, or, you know, because I'm on some of the sibling pages. And so those these subjects come up, and it's a great resource to get feedback. But there's so much that we don't know, you know, as people age and so much that none of us are prepared for. So that's Yeah, I think it's had a huge impact. But I'm hoping to use that as an as an educational tool. So that people don't have to go through everything that I went through sort of not knowing what to expect and what to do. But I mean, in a way it's made us really, really tighter and closer and stronger, because I call her all the time. And we've gotten to be really, really good pals. And we have we've had a lot of fun too, because I got to spend a lot of time once she was sort of out of lockdown. I kind of just took her as much as I could. And we did fun things together because she wasn't going to work yet. So she was around every day.
Jessica Gonzalez:So for in terms of the pandemic, I've been more present in my sister's life. And that's not to say I wasn't I was also I was a very avid traveler. I was very much bouncing around the world prior to 2020. And I actually, a few months before we even went into 2020, I was living in South America, I just published my book. So I was bouncing around the world a little bit, but I was always FaceTiming my sister and always making sure that she knew I was there. So when the whole world just basically shut down, it kind of helped me make up for lost time. And I really actually helped to my relationship with my sister in a way because I focused on being a better sister more physically present in my sister's life, and really be a better sister. In my opinion. I think I've been a better sister these past few months, and taking a break from bouncing around the world. So that's, that's a big thing. Um, I would say that in terms of my writing, it's a little bit harder because I don't know. So for the few months that everything was really close, my writing did suffer a lot because I couldn't think straight I really need it. I need writing space. So yeah, I'm hoping now that I can get more space now. I'm trying to see make my writing get better. I'm working on another book. And I'm going to try writing a book series featuring me and my sister. I'm very hopeful. And yeah, I just I need my space to write I need the space to write or else I can't do it
Angela West-Brown:in the pandemic. I was very afraid because As I didn't know if my sister had been infected, or she's been exposed or what's going on, and what ended up happening is because of everything happening with the homelessness initiative and getting urban campers off the street, my sister was able to take advantage of that. It was the most stressful time for me during the pandemic, because these agencies, were looking at my sister as kind of like a normal homeless person. And I kept trying to encourage them to look at the fact that she needs wraparound services, is not just get this person out there off the streets. And, you know, she needs an entire, you know, team, and it was this back and forth, you know, debate and just they were they were, it forced me to reevaluate my experiences with my siblings that happened at that time when I wrote my book. Now, it's been almost 16 years, since my sister has been in and off, in and out of the streets and what have you, but being faced with these agencies and having them tell me things that I didn't want to hear. And I felt like my voice wasn't being heard. And I felt like they were not hearing me when I would say, Hey, she's vulnerable, she's susceptible to different, you know, dangers in different things going on, if you just put her in a house or a home or an apartment, she's vulnerable if you don't have these wraparound services for her. So that's what the pandemic has exposed to pears exposed to me that, you know, a lot of these government agencies want to put a bandaid on something that needs to be cleaned, sewn, and then bandage not just slap a bandaid on it. And that really caused my blood pressure to go. I'm just being honest. Um, and as far as with my writing. My story, like I stated was based on my experiences, as a child, up until that point, at that point, she had been, you know, in this cycle for maybe six or seven years now that it's been almost 15 years, I have to rewrite the story and bring in more resources and strategies and my experiences now into my second book. So I'm writing my second book now, as well as some other workbooks and ebooks to capture everything that I'm learning or, you know, facing with more than just my sibling is multi generational. So what I mean is my sister, we are sick sips. But then my grandmother, she just recently had a severe stroke about two weeks ago. And that's why I want to revisit this again, like this is like the third book, because my grandmother has two daughters that have severe intellectual disabilities. And they she was their primary caregiver. Now we have to redefine what it looks like, for their care, while my grandmother is not able to care for them, as well. So it's like this two fold is sandwich, a sandwich generation or this. But basically, I'm overseeing my grandmother's care as well as my eyes in my sister. So that's where I am when it comes to the serve experience. How if transition planning, and I continuously say, this is not put in place before your child exits, the school system you're causing at was that like a avalanche of challenges for future generations in? You know, so I'm gonna cut myself off, because I know I'll keep going.
Chris Berstler:Angela got like the full club sandwich and in effect going on. So yes. A lot to deal with. Thank you all for sharing. So this next question is for Angela and Jessica, and specific, in what ways has being a person of color impacted your storytelling journey?
Angela West-Brown:It has really helped me to understand that a lot of the challenges that we face are because of our environment, and it's almost a psychological barrier as well. So it's not just being a child with with a disability and being of color, but it's also what the socio economic and usually in private or poor, you know, environments that mindset towards disabilities or towards religion and disabilities whereas I'm not against As I always give this disclaimer, I'm not saying that religion doesn't play a part in this, but sometimes it has caused a lot of deficits and challenges and issues in the black community, because they see it as Oh, we can just pray it away. Or, you know, you take a further bet, you know, it's just all these what they're possessed or, you know, you know, is it you have to constantly tap into the psyche of the person, and then you can help them in their environment, it's all this stuff you have to fight through, before you can really address the issue that your child may need with a disability. We've just now gotten to a place where we accept therapy, and mental health. And so that's kind of like the doorway into disability in how we look at it, and how we view that as a person of color as a woman of color. And especially with our boys that are of color and dealing with behavioral issues in the police. Um, there's so many layers to this. And, yeah, this is heavy. And that's why it's important.
Jessica Gonzalez:Um, yeah, Angela, that was great. Honestly, I couldn't have said it better myself. It's all about breaking, in my opinion, generational curses. And that I think, also in my family, we seen people who have mild disabilities, but they never acknowledged it. And it's very much brushed under the rug. And it's like, oh, we'll just, we'll go to church, and we'll play and we'll pray for everything, or don't worry, I'll, because I'm Hispanic, you know, I'll make you something to eat when we get home or something around those lines. So it's about really shaping the culture in a more healthy way. And just like Angela, people, around my age are now becoming more comfortable going to therapy, because it's always like, Oh, it's, it's for some reason your family blames themselves. Maybe it is partly your family. But it's, it's normal for you to kind of need to find ways to kind of cope with that. And I think that's really, I think that's great for us to really shed a light and say it's okay, for these things. Because I think our culture, I mean, it's been very much like conservative in that sense. So I really am happy that starting to open up the gate,
Chris Berstler:I want to ask all three of you. What advice do you have, for any sibling, any sibling who maybe doesn't want to become an author or write a book, but still has a story to share?
Dianne Bilyak:I guess I would just put stuff on Facebook or, you know, like, like, groups or, you know, follow blogs and, or the sibling Leadership Network, like, join something in your state, you know, be involved in that way. Because then you'll meet like minded others, and you'll have a support system in place.
Jessica Gonzalez:Writing, just start getting ideas down. That's my advice. Again, connect, just like Diane said, start connecting with people see what kind of style you like, you know, and get creative with it, you know, use your experience, and then shape it in a way that makes it interesting, fun. And makes it something that's more your own?
Angela West-Brown:Absolutely. Jessica and I and you both are given some great suggestions. Yes, join conferences, join groups post, just like this. Just go see and make sure that is something that resonates with you is authentic to you is your voice. Just get the the word out there, just share your story. It doesn't have to be curated and pretty and you know, all packaged and put together. It just jumped out there, you know? And before you know it, you'll be like, Oh my God, oh, my post turned into a book. Is that easy? So yes, just jump out there.
Chris Berstler:Thanks. That's great advice. Thank you. If at all, how has your struggles or your journey as an author paralleled your journey or struggles as a sibling? And what parting words of encouragement might you have for any aspiring sibling author,
Angela West-Brown:being it being a author is similar to some of the sibling experience because it's not something you can predict is very unpredictable. You have to constantly evolve and adjust in I equate it to like this roller coaster and then it gets really you know, calm and then before you know you're going back up and then you're going down and they insert any a toxin and, and that's the sibling and experience. Um, and professional advice would be really sit down with yourself and ask yourself, Why am I sharing my story? And when you really understand your personal reasoning reasoning for sharing your story. When you have those loads, you can pull on that and say, Okay, this is my why this is what's pushing me this is what's driving me. Because if you just jump out there and say, Hey, I just want to tell people what's going on, you're not going to survive as author.
Jessica Gonzalez:So yeah, very much is a evolving experience, and that you need to go along with it, both being a sibling, and both being a writer and that things are always going to change. So you go along, you just go along with it. It's just kind of how life is in a way. You know, there have been ups, there's been downs, there have been moments, I want to pull my hair out. But I think that's normal. That's just how it is. And I very much believe that there will be ups and downs with other future work that I do. But the journey is the exciting part. Because you learn a lot and be open to learning new things, I guess, also, advice for an a sibling author, go along. And don't be afraid to really learn or get a mentor to really teach you and understand what you're doing. Also, this is a big one as well is, and I've met many authors, having written my first book, don't be a for profit author, obviously, you want you do make money off of it. But don't do it just for the money, do it. Because you genuinely have a story, you genuinely have an idea that you want to get out there to the world, you want to leave something behind when you are no longer here. Definitely do it from the heart. Because to be honest, and I think maybe Angela and Diane can understand this, we can kind of tell if it's not coming from a genuine place.
Dianne Bilyak:As far as advice goes, it's a really tough business, it's really tough to find people to read your stuff, it's hard to find people to, you know, be open to publishing it. But with so many different venues now with podcasts, and Instagram, and Facebook, and Twitter, and blogging, you can create your own story and your own world that you want to share. And you don't need the publisher, or you can self publish. But I think I think Angela said it, you know, you have to figure out what is it that you want from the experience? And what do you want to give, and I don't necessarily see parallels between being a writer and, you know, I started off as a poet, and then I wrote monologues, and then I worked on the book. And I didn't really have a lot of skill set for writing a memoir. So I had to learn as I wrote it, and get a lot of feedback and a lot of help. You know, it is it's a tough business. And it's it's a good idea not to look at it as a business, I guess, too much. Unless you're really outgoing personality. Now, Jessica, she's a go getter, you know, and she's an extrovert. And I feel like her part of her mission is not just to write, but also to connect, to get out there. And I think Angela might, you know, be in the realm of wanting to give something back that she didn't get that she saw happening with her grandmother, and wanting to open up her community and, and get something in that way. And for someone like me, I mean, I'm going to be writing something, whatever it is, or, you know, doing something creative. But I, you know, I'm in my 50s now, and I'm kind of late to the game, and wasn't expecting to write a memoir, necessarily. But that's, that's sort of what happened. So number one, don't lose your place in line. I always tell that to people, if you start in a particular direction, don't jump out of the line. And think, Oh, I'm going to go over here now. And then that line may look like there's not as many people in for the groceries, but then you get stuck in that line. And so just stay where you are keep focus, keep moving forward. And and find I mean, I believe this find some kind of spiritual center, right from your heart that is trying to reach out and and connect. But if you don't work from that center, and you work from your ego or your head, it's even if it happens, it's not going to happen, it's not going to go well.
Chris Berstler:I really sincerely want to thank all of you for being here to have this conversation with me today. It's been very enlightening. And I hope it's been inspiring to a lot of our listeners. So thank you so much. I also want to mention that all of the books, links to all the books are going to be in the podcast description as well as any resources that we mentioned during the podcast. So make sure to check out the description. One of those resources is also going to be our COVID-19 Resource Center full of information to help you get back out there, be safe and get vaccinated. And if you are interested in seeing the original session from the 2021 conference, make sure to become a member of the SLN under the Get Involved tab on the SLN homepage. Thank you so very much for being with me today. Thank you Find resources, tools and information about the sibling experience on sibling leadership.org. The sibling Leadership Network is a nonprofit and we rely on support from our audience. Find the donation button on our homepage and contribute to the ever growing sibling movement.