"They called him eccentric, a visionary, some even said mad. Nikola Tesla, the brilliant mind behind alternating current, once said, 'Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like force and matter. When they separate, man is no more.' Even the greatest of minds can feel like they don't quite fit in the world."
Where to begin. Well, I guess I can start by reminding you all that I have a mild case of autism, twice diagnosed. And as such, I can be a bit, what was that word,
ah yes,
polarizing.
So, allow me a moment to say, that to that end, I use AI to help me with putting my posts and scripts together. These are my words, but I use it as an editor to make suggestions when I can sound a bit callous. Where more brevity can be used. To sound less accusatory.
The words are mine though.
Where to start this.
So, I wanted to say that it has been quite a journey over the last 5 years. Having retired from the military in October 2019 and going into COVID and the political hellscape at the time.
There were people with guns and differing attitudes that fought right outside my window in 2020. I am not ashamed now to say I had armor and weapons set up around my apartment, fearing that they would break windows...
I had lost mostly everyone in my life through death and life itself. Friends were kind of there, but I had alienated myself/retired and didn’t feel like I existed in my newly old groups anymore.
There has always been a feeling of being a person who was born on the wrong planet. I can see they look and sound like me, but I cannot figure out what is going on in their heads. I don’t understand the lack of ability to decide without first looking for a ‘leader’ of a group to make a call/move first.
Why does everyone seem to be so strange?? They all seem to know when to move together, feed off each other emotionally for what seems like shallow subjects. In my head I am screaming “Why won’t they get to the meat of the subjects???”
It all feels so superficial.
So, with all of this having happened, and adding to it undiagnosed and unknown autism, a bout of PTSD that treatment didn’t help, VA dragging out my claim that was supposed to be ready upon discharge, only to take 2 more years, and, as well as all physical fun times that come with having autism
I was in burnout.
Autistic burnout. More on that in another podcast.
So, everything was getting worse, politics sucked, COVID ruined my one chance of the ability to pay my bills the day before I started a high paying executive protection detail.
I was not doing good.
My children and I talk frequently and have a great relationship, but I haven’t seen my daughter in almost 3 years, life being what it is, my need to find where I belong while she fights for her place in the world. We talk, but it's difficult when distance is a thing.
And money has been an issue for us both.
I have struggled; financially, mentally, etc. No real reason to carry on.
And yet, I could not quit. I failed and still do, but mentally, I cannot quit.
I am a person with low social equity. I am aware of the fact I have been ostracized most of my life. I post honestly on different mediums to very little fanfare. I suggest things only to be ignored while someone else later comes up with my idea and since they are more ‘popular’, socially accepted, it gets attention.
And yet I persist, knowing that there is a chance that I will be recognized one day for my ability to see what most ignore. Or can’t see at all.
In all honesty, I am ahead of my time, in my thoughts and ideas, and that is ok. It's just difficult to find others who share interest in what are called my ‘special projects’.
I can be quite funny, and I have a face that makes you wonder how someone can just look pissed off so damned long for. Not realizing I am not actually smiling, which is strange, I thought I was.
I would like to add that with my previous podcast season, I was critical of political figures. I have recently learned through my life experiences that we all are worthy of forgiveness and understanding.
I cannot stand by and be a hypocrite. So, I wanted to take this moment and apologize to anyone who felt offended by what I was saying.
My opinion is what it is; my intent is to give this administration a chance, which I have done my best to do.
My promise is to try my best to refrain from complaining, just don’t take it personally, please. I may come across as looking like an asshole, but my breath doesn’t stink.
With all that said, today I wanted to discuss some of what I have learned from research I have been doing to understand each of you a bit better.
I want to discuss the nuances of being an American/human.
To talk about us all.
To educate those who want to learn, to find understanding and acceptance.
To help those who want to help themselves.
To inspire those who don’t.
Until next time, this is Shawn.
Take care.
