Episode 150: How Real People Define Joy with guest, Anike Wariebi

Joy isn’t a lucky break or a fleeting mood; it’s a practice we can design. We sit down with executive and life coach Anika Wariebi to unpack what truly differentiates joy from happiness and how coaches help clients build a steadier, values-aligned foundation for daily life. Drawing from dictionary and psychological perspectives as well as responses from a diverse group of “real people,” we trace how joy shows up as connection, fulfillment, creativity, and peace—and why it endures when quick hits of happiness fade.

Anika walks us through the real barriers that drain joy: rumination, comparison, inner saboteurs, and the external pressures of toxic environments, discrimination, conflict, and financial insecurity. We explore how coaching turns awareness into agency with practical tools: naming “kill joys,” setting clear boundaries, reframing challenges, and building routines that protect attention. You’ll hear how gratitude, mindfulness, breathwork, and spiritual practices can anchor the day, while simple rituals—a quiet coffee, a check-in with a friend—compound into something much larger over time.

We also dig into decision-making through the lens of joy. When people align choices with values, stress drops and relationships strengthen. Past hardships can deepen the capacity to savor peace; gratitude amplifies that shift. Anika offers a clear path forward: craft your vision of joy for the year, choose a few meaningful actions, and create accountability. If you’re a coach, you’ll pick up actionable strategies to support clients; if you’re a listener seeking more joy, you’ll leave with steps you can start today.

If this conversation sparks a shift, share it with a friend, subscribe for more coaching insights, and leave a review to help others discover the show. Then tell us: what boundary will you set this week to protect your joy?

Watch the full interview by clicking here. 

Find the full article here.

Learn more about Anike here. 

Grab your free issue of choice Magazine here - https://choice-online.com/

Transcript

Welcome And Theme Of Joy

Garry Schleifer 0:07

Welcome to Beyond the Page, the official podcast of cChoice, the magazine of professional coaching, where we bring you amazing insights and in-depth features that you just won't find anywhere else. I'm your host, Garry Schleifer, and I'm excited to expand your learning as we dive into this latest article, have a chat with this brilliant author beside me, and uncover the learnings that are transforming the coaching world. When you have a chance, join our vibrant community of coaching professionals as we explore groundbreaking ideas, share expert tips and techniques, and for sure make a real difference in our lives and those of our clients. Remember, this is your go-to resource for all things coaching. But in the meantime, let's dive into today's podcast. Today I'm speaking with Executive and Life coach Anike Wariebi, who is the author of an article on our latest issue, Coaching to Unlock Joy. Her article is entitled Joy QA: How " real" people to find joy, what gets in the way, and how coaches can help unlock it. A little bit about Anike, she holds an MBA, she's an ACC, she's gone through CPCC just like me, me, me, and is an Executive and Life coach on a mission to empower professional women to thrive, balancing career, family, and self-care while achieving their fullest potential. She spent 25 years in marketing leadership roles, working with global brands like American Express and Apple, and as a consultant to startups, SMEs, art institutions, and digital disruptors. Wow, that's a broad spectrum. Good for you. Her career has spanned many industries and continents, having lived and worked across Europe, Africa, Asia, and the US. She holds an Business Economics degree from Leicester University, UK, an MBA jointly from the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania, and Inseed, a Master's in Creative Writing from the University of Oxford, and a postgraduate in Psychology from University of College London. Wow, what a pedigree. Thank you so much for taking the time to be with us today.

Why Write About Joy

Anike Wariebi 2:19

Thank you so much for having me on the podcast and indeed for you know accepting my article for publication in your wonderful magazine. So thank you.

Garry Schleifer 2:28

Well, it was our pleasure. So what brought you to decide to write for us for this particular issue?

Anike Wariebi 2:36

Well, I was touched by the the theme. You know, a friend of mine had told me about Choice Magazine. I subscribed to Choice, and then I saw that you were looking for people to submit articles about the topic of joy. And it was interesting because joy has come up quite a lot recently. You know, you hear people talking about choosing joy, and I'd recently gone to a talk where someone was talking about the loss of a loved one and how she chose joy. And I remember thinking as I was listening to her that what does that actually mean to choose joy? What's involved in the process of choosing joy? And when I saw the the call for articles, I thought, you know what, this is something I'd love to explore. You know, what does joy actually mean? What does it mean to choose joy? And then, you know, fundamentally, what can we as coaches do to support our clients who want to choose joy?

Defining Joy Versus Happiness

Garry Schleifer 3:33

Yeah, well, we're so glad you did. Thank you. And in your article, I wanted to mention that the definitions because you took some time to dig this up. The Oxford English Dictionary defines joy as a feeling of great happiness and a source or cause of great delight. Whereas the Merriam-Webster Dictionary takes the definition a little further, offering the following the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune, or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. What do you think of those two definitions? They sound so almost distinctly different.

Anike Wariebi 4:12

They are different and I wanted to take an academic look at the definition before kind of going to the real world. And it's interesting, the other piece that I put into my article is a perspective from the psychologist, American psychologist Robert Plutchik, I think is the way to pronounce his name. And he looks at these two definitions and actually quite rightly says that happiness is something that's very fleeting, right? That is brought about just by having something go right in your life. Whereas joy is much more enduring. You know, for me it's about, I guess, permeating your whole soul. And often joy is about feeling connection to like fulfillment and purpose. And I think that is the distinction between these two differences, that one is just transactional, almost fleeting, it's here today, gone tomorrow, based on something going right in your life, versus joy, which really is enduring and kind of embodies and permeates your whole soul. And that I find to be very, I don't know, inspiring. And the idea that people are looking to unlock that feeling is incredibly exciting for me as a coach to help them get there.

Garry Schleifer 5:29

Yeah, to get there, yeah, exactly. And to your title, I was questioning or wondering why. Why did you put real people in quotes?

What Real People Say Joy Feels Like

Anike Wariebi 5:40

Yeah, because I started the article by looking at the academic definitions. I did Oxford, I did Merriam-Webster, I consulted a psychologist. So that's the academic perspective, the definition of joy. But the reality is, or I was wondering what the reality would be, you know. So I reached out to what I call real people. So friends, family, coaching clients, colleagues, and I asked them a set of questions. I kind of said, you know, what is joy to you? How does it compare to happiness? How do you get joy and what gets in the way? And I just wanted to see what real people would respond and use that as a way to compare and contrast against the academic definitions.

Garry Schleifer 6:25

And how many of them would you have defined their answer as happiness versus joy?

Coaching To Unlock Joy

Anike Wariebi 6:32

It's interesting. I got about 50 responses back, a very broad and diverse slate of people, different ages, genders, nationalities, living in different parts of the world. I would say 90% of the people really talked about joy in the second sense, as in this sort of enduring feeling that kind of lasts longer and is very much, yeah. But they didn't define it. What I found interesting is that nobody came up with a definition of joy. What people were coming back with were was what joy made them feel, how they felt, sort of the emotion of joy or the feeling of joy, you know. And I thought that was really interesting. And I was careful not to use the word definition, you know. So when I went out to people and I asked them, I didn't say how do you define joy? I just said what is joy, and I was curious to see what would come back. And it was all about the emotion of joy and how it feels.

Garry Schleifer 7:36

Wow, isn't that great to know? Well, as a coach, what does unlocking joy mean in the context of coaching?

Anike Wariebi 7:46

Oh my gosh, I think it means lots of things. I mean, for firstly, you know, when people were responding to me about what joy, the feelings of joy, just looking at some of my notes now, some of the things that people talked about was connection, you know, loving and being loved and that connection with people that you love. People talked about fulfillment, people talked about living in resonance with their values and their purpose. People talked about giving back to communities that they feel needed, you know, support and help. People talked about creativity as a way of getting them closer to joy. So I think for us as coaches, when people are looking to unlock more joy or find more joy in their lives, it's it's about helping them connect with those things, right? So, how can you be more connected? How can you live a life of fulfillment? You know, what are the things that are meaningful to you and how can you make more space for those things? You know, I think the other thing that's interesting in terms of what people came back with regarding joy is what kills joy. You know, it's an interesting word.

Garry Schleifer 9:06

Oh, right, yeah.

What Kills Joy

Anike Wariebi 9:07

You know, kill joy. Yeah, the things that kill joy are, you know, that they tend to be internal and external. Internal being your feelings, you know, internal to yourself and your mind. Maybe limiting beliefs or comparing yourself to other people, or there was a word I thought was really interesting. Someone talked about patterns of rumination, you know, just constantly ruminating about things and just not letting things go and just mulling them over in your head. People talk about fear, you know, fear of discrimination, fear of failure. And then there are obviously the external influences as well. And I think for us as coaches, it's helping people to kind of limit or reduce some of the things, both internally and externally, that kill their joy. Maybe helping them create boundaries, limiting exposure to people who are kill joys, helping them with their saboteur voices, helping them with the patterns of rumination. Whatever it is that is killing their joy, how can we support them to either dial those things down or create boundaries or create time and meaningful space so that they can unlock the things that do give them joy?

Garry Schleifer 10:31

Wow. You added a new one for me as I've been interviewing other authors. Fulfillment was definitely a common theme: meaning, purpose, and connection. Someone else said community.

Anike Wariebi 10:47

Yeah.

Daily Practices And Rituals

Garry Schleifer 10:47

So there's very different things that create joy. You mentioned a few practical tools like dealing with the saboteur. Anything else that we can give our clients to help them build daily joy? I mean, first is

Anike Wariebi 11:04

connecting with what gives them meaning. You talked about that already in terms of fulfillment and meaning. I think boundaries, you know, boundaries. I know for me as a person, I need boundaries in terms of things that perhaps undermine my joy or certain people in my life. Sometimes these people might be related to you as well.

Garry Schleifer 11:25

I know. That's what I was thinking.

Anike Wariebi 11:28

Exactly. But how do you create boundaries so that you're not sort of exposed to some of those things that might be undermining your joy or might be interrupting your moments where you can be creative or whatever. I think they're also, for some people, where spirituality is an important aspect of unlocking joy, it's you know, how do you make time for those spiritual practices? Whether it's a gratitude practice, a meditation practice, an affirmation practice, a prayer practice, whatever that is, if spirituality is important, you know, making time for those things in your life is is really important. I've just finished reading a book called The Morning Ritual, and they talk about putting in place certain things in the morning to basically set you up for a great day. And it's things like silence, it's a gratitude, an affirmation practice, breathing. And for me, this is one of the things I'm starting this year because I think some of those things, A, I need, and B, I get lots of joy from doing them. But making them a routine practice, trying to do it for 30 days so that it becomes a practice is something that I want to try.

Gratitude, Mindfulness, And Routine

Garry Schleifer 12:56

Right. Well, and I will point our listeners to the wonderful sidebar you have in the article: ideas to explore, practices to help. And I'm not gonna say just clients, but each of us, because look at how you're talking about incorporating this. High level, one, establish a gratitude practice, two, build in a daily mindfulness routine, three, make time for spiritual practices, four, find ways to deepen connection. There's that connection conversation, engage with creativity, create a daily joy ritual.

Anike Wariebi 13:31

Yeah, I love that.

Garry Schleifer 13:33

All great pieces of advice for us, for us and for our clients.

Anike Wariebi 13:38

Yeah, no, definitely. And do you have a daily joy ritual?

Garry Schleifer 13:43

Yeah, sorry, but first thing that came to mind for me was a nice cup of coffee.

Anike Wariebi 13:49

For sure,

Garry Schleifer 13:50

And connecting with friends, always connect with friends every morning, say good morning to certain people. And we were talking earlier, we go to Mexico, and one of the things that is important to us is that morning ritual of just sitting on the balcony, having a coffee, not really talking to each other, just being with each other, and sitting in certain places, you know, that whole ritual conversation. And yeah, you know, that's our Mexico thing, and we do a little bit of that here as well, and certain things we do certain times. I think it leans more to ritual for me. That's what comes to mind more often than some of the others, but definitely a gratitude practice. Try that more often, but I think that's a thing for me to incorporate this year. So thanks for the reminder.

Anike Wariebi 14:39

Yeah, no, absolutely.

Garry Schleifer 14:42

So talking about this whole thing about unlocking joy, how does it unlocking joy influence a client's relationships and life decisions?

Joy’s Impact On Decisions And Relationships

Anike Wariebi 14:53

That's a really good question and I think hearing back from some of the people that I wrote to and I asked them about joy, what is it, what brings them joy and what kills joy. As they talked about the things that kill their joy they they also offered reasons and the implications or the impact of these things. So for example, one thing I should actually say is that I reached out to a whole range of different people from different countries, a reflection of kind of me and places that I've lived. So I'm half Nigerian, I lived in West Africa for a while, I've lived across Europe eight years in the US and also a bit in Asia. So I reached out to a really broad swathe of people. And some people came back and talked about things like fear of military conflict, racial oppression, financial insecurity brought about by economic changes, real ill health and things like that. So thinking about people, thinking about the fear of these things, fear of political turmoil. In the world that we live in now, there's a big fear of climate change. And people talk about how it just brings about feelings of isolation, of anxiety, of stress, you know. So back to your initial question, if we're unlocking joy or helping people to get closer to the vision of joy that they have for themselves, it enables them to reduce anxiety, reduce stress, be better connected with people that they love, and just kind of reduce some of the symptoms associated with kind of fear that they worry about, certainly.

Garry Schleifer 16:52

Yeah. Yeah, I've noticed in the articles and in conversations that sometimes the opposite or thinking of the opposite, like pain and suffering, actually reminds people of joy.

Suffering, Gratitude, And Deeper Joy

Anike Wariebi 17:06

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. But going, yes, there's this interesting kind of relationship between kind of suffering and the capacity for joy. And again, as I think about some of the people that wrote back to me and some of their experiences, military conflict, whatever, having gone through some of those things and come out the other side, they have a greater appreciation and a greater love of the peace that they now find themselves in. So they can look back with tremendous gratitude. It's almost like suffering has enabled them to really enjoy or savor the joy more fully, you know.

Garry Schleifer 17:51

Yeah.

Anike Wariebi 17:52

And I think also underpinned and amplified by a practice of gratitude.

Choice, Boundaries, And Accountability

Garry Schleifer 17:58

That would definitely bring that about, no kidding. I'm gonna leave us with a quote here as we march down to our closure today. Joy involves an element of choice. We can actively cultivate it through the decisions we make. We can reframe challenges, set boundaries, and limit exposure to people in situations that diminish our joy. As coaches, we guide clients towards this space of choice, helping them align their actions with who they are, who they want to be, and the vision of joy they hope to create. And that was written by you. Final words in your article I thought were so so so bang on. So thank you very much. Anike, what would you like our audience to do as a result of the article and this conversation?

Anike Wariebi 18:47

I mean, I think one is is to reflect. Hopefully, this sparks some thoughts in terms of what joy means for them, the things that are important to them that bring joy, and then maybe giving them some ideas of how to unlock more joy through some of these practices that we talked about, gratitude practices, boundary setting. I know that's a really important one for me.

Garry Schleifer 19:11

Yeah, for you, apparently. That's come up, yes.

Anike Wariebi 19:14

Yeah, no, definitely. So, but with all of that, it would be fantastic if people really thought about what the vision of joy is that they have for themselves for this year as we embark on 2026. What kind of joy would they like to unlock? What does that look like? What are they going to be doing? And what are the concrete actions they can they take to create space for joy in their lives? And it comes back to this point of choice. They can choose, but they need to take action, I think, and be accountable for those actions as well.

Garry Schleifer 19:51

That's where coaching comes in.

Anike Wariebi 19:53

Yes.

Garry Schleifer 19:54

Somebody be accountable too. I love it.

Anike Wariebi 19:56

Yes, yeah, thank you again.

Garry Schleifer 19:59

And I want to say thank you for all the research that you did and of contacting these people, asking these questions, and bringing it into such a wonderful article. Thank you for all that work.

Anike Wariebi 20:11

Thank you. No, absolutely. No, it was a joy, a joy just to hear from people as well. Oh, yeah, yeah, no pun intended.

Garry Schleifer 20:20

And yes, to reconnect connectivity with all those people again. What a great opportunity for them to reach in and connect with you again.

Anike Wariebi 20:28

Yeah, it was nice. It was nice to send them the article afterwards to say, you know, this is you know, you've been into this, this is great, you know.

Garry Schleifer 20:36

Happy to hear.

Anike Wariebi 20:37

Yeah, absolutely.

How To Connect With Annika

Garry Schleifer 20:39

Yeah. What's the best way to reach you?

Anike Wariebi 20:43

Well, so I have a website, anikecoaching.com. I'm also on Instagram, I'm on LinkedIn. So yeah, people can contact me via the website. There's a little link if they want to send me an email or via LinkedIn. I'd love to hear from anyone at all. Any feedback on the article, but also if they want to come have a conversation about joy and unlocking more joy, I'd be happy to do that as well.

Garry Schleifer 21:06

Oh, very generous. Thank you so much. And thank you again for joining us for this Beyond the Page episode.

Anike Wariebi 21:12

Thank you very much for having me and thank you for publishing my article. Thank you.

Subscribe And Closing

Garry Schleifer 21:17

Our pleasure. That's it for this episode of Beyond the Page. For more episodes, subscribe to your favorite podcast app, most likely the one that got you here. If you're not a subscriber to choice Magazine and you're watching this video, you can sign up for your free digital issue by scanning the QR code in the top right hand corner of our screen. If you're in listen only mode and driving safely or a passenger, you can go to choice- online.com and click the sign up now button. I'm Garry Schleifer. Enjoy the journey of mastery.