Episode 186: Where Choice Really Lives with guest, Maria Connolly

Your body answers before your brain can finish the sentence, and that changes everything about how we coach decision making.

We sit down with ICF Professional Certified Coach and licensed counselor Maria Connolly to explore somatic awareness and why “choice really lives” in the body. Maria shares what she looks for as a self-described “body detector,” from facial expression and breath to shoulders and chest, and how those signals can reveal a quiet no even when the mind is building a persuasive story. If you coach clients who overthink career moves, leadership choices, or high-stakes conflict at work, this conversation offers a grounded, practical path back to clarity.

We dig into a real coaching example: a client deciding whether to accept an almost-right job offer. Maria explains how coaches can slow the moment down, invite a check-in with sensation, and uncover what the nervous system already knows. We also tackle the big question: how do you tell the difference between body wisdom and a fear response shaped by old conditioning or trauma? Maria describes what alignment often feels like in the body and how values-based resonance can show up as more ease, regulation, and steadiness, even when the choice is uncomfortable.

You’ll also get simple ways to build somatic literacy without turning your day into a retreat: a few minutes of mindfulness, noticing without judgment, using small cues to pause, and letting movement support insight. We talk standing, stretching, walking meetings, and the idea that you might not want to trust a thought that only exists while you’re sitting still. If you’re ready to design more empowering coaching conversations through embodied coaching, press play, then share this with a coach friend. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: where do you feel your clearest “yes”?

Watch the full interview by clicking here. 

Find the full article here.

Learn more about Maria here.

Free Gift to our listeners: 10 Steps to an Embodied Practice 

Grab your free issue of choice Magazine here - https://choice-online.com/

Transcript

Welcome To Beyond The Page

Garry Schleifer 0:07

Welcome to Beyond the Page, the official podcast of choice, the magazine of professional coaching, where we bring you amazing insights and in-depth features you just won't find anywhere else. I'm your host, Garry Schleifer, and I'm excited to expand your learning as we dive into the latest article, have a chat with this brilliant author behind it, and uncover the learnings that are transforming the coaching world. When you get a chance, join our vibrant community of coaching professionals as we explore groundbreaking ideas, share expert tips and techniques, and make a real difference in our clients' lives. This is your Go-To resource for all things coaching, but in the meantime, let's dive in. In today's episode, I'm speaking with ICF Professional Certified Coach Maria Connolly, again welcome back, who's the author of an article in our latest issue, The Power of Choice, one of my favorite sayings. Her article is entitled Where Choice Really Lives: Designing Empowering Conversations Through Somatic Awareness. A little bit about Maria. She's, as I said, she's a professional certified coach, just like me, a licensed professional counselor, specializing in somatic and embodied approaches to coaching and transformation. With more than 20 years of experience, Maria helps clients and coaches discover how wisdom lives in the body, guiding decisions through felt sense and bodily awareness rather than analytical processes alone. Trained in neurolinguistic programming and ericksonian hypnotherapy, she integrates body center practices with traditional coaching methodologies. Through her coaching work, Maria teaches her clients to embody their practice and trust their clients, wholeness, and inner authority. Maria, thank you so much for joining us again. So glad to be here.

Maria Connolly 2:03

Thank you for having me again.

Garry Schleifer 2:05

Oh, you're welcome. So why did you decide to write for us again?

Maria Connolly 2:09

Well, I love your magazine. And usually when there are topics that are really intriguing for me, I'm game.

Garry Schleifer 2:19

Oh, what made choice intriguing?

Maria Connolly 2:23

Because choice is intriguing, right? As I wrote in my article, the choices live in the body, not in the mind. And uh um we often go to the mind to make choices, we do cost-benefit analysis, we think about it, we ruminate, we go here and there, and we override really what where the choice is, which is in the body. We already know what we want.

Garry Schleifer 2:51

Yeah.

Maria Connolly 2:52

And somatic means body or how would you mean of the body, right? Like anything that has to do with the body.

A Career Decision Finds Clarity

Garry Schleifer 3:02

Wow. Well, can you give us an example of how like a recent coaching example where somebody was up here in the head and you brought them to their body?

Maria Connolly 3:12

Yes, so many.

Garry Schleifer 3:16

Just the the one of your favorites.

Maria Connolly 3:18

Yeah, recent one actually, just a couple of uh weeks ago, where one of my clients was trying to decide whether to take the job that was offered to her. It was like almost a fit, but not quite a fit, right? And whether to take it or to wait a little bit longer, right? And of course, the taking the job had a lot of story, you know. I sure, because you know, it's better to get this now than you know, something later that we don't know what it is, and you know, all of that. And the reality is that it wasn't quite the right fit. And so when we dove into uh the body and why it wasn't quite a right fit, there were a lot of story that was really resonance with that, and so it was a harder choice because you know, living um these days jobs are not easy to find, and so it was really hard to decide, you know, like I'm just gonna trust it, I'm just gonna say no to this, and I'm gonna wait for something bigger, and then something bigger happened.

Garry Schleifer 4:35

Now, what do you actually say in the coaching conversation, though, to stop from them making it in their head? And like, how do you switch gears, if you will, from head to to body and feeling?

Maria Connolly 4:48

Yeah. You know, these days, after 20 years of experience and really good teachers and good training, uh, I'm sort of like a body detector. And so I always say I speak Italian, I speak English, and I also speak the language of the body. And so I can see what happens in the body as they are going, like, you know, this is why I should choose this. It's because it's just better for me and it's better to do right, and so I see what happens in the body, the facial expression, the shoulders, the the the the chest, and all of that. And so I just, you know, say, I hear all that you're saying, and what else is happening? What do you notice? And so then they start to go, well, I do feel a little tight in my chest, and my belly is doing the thing, and and so then I just you know gently ask, Do you mind if we check in there? You know, what is that saying about this choice that you're trying to convince yourself to you know make? And then a world opens, and yeah.

Fear Signals Versus True Alignment

Garry Schleifer 6:05

Wow, that uh thank you very much for the example, and thank you for bearing with me to go a little deeper in that one. And when you were saying that about the chest and the shoulders, I started to feel like, oh, I should relax there. I should it's I was kind of following you and your client. I thought that was quite interesting, but it's and what's also interesting is that you chose an example that I seem to see quite regularly in making those kind of usually career decisions. So thank you for that reminder. And I'm not just gonna go play without some practice, so I'll seek out some help and see if I can't figure out a way to add that somatic awareness. Now, how do you know that the body isn't just reacting from fear, let's say, or old conditioning, that that reaction is isn't something else?

Maria Connolly 6:59

Right. In the example that I just uh offered, um the choosing the um the job that is offered might be a trauma response. You know, it might be uh I don't think I deserved anything bigger than that, or uh, I don't trust that I'm gonna get you know something, right? So that may be a trauma I think in my experience, how we know that it's other than that, right? Like the choice of like waiting, it's that usually like the shoulders relax and the chest is not as tight, and uh like we have a different kind of resonance in our body when the choice aligns with our values, with what is important to us, with what we really want.

Garry Schleifer 7:58

I love it, I love it. I'm gonna quote you because this just reminded me of something when I was rereading your article. It begins in the subtle tightening before a no, the warm expansion that signals a yes, the micro shift that happens when something is aligned, like you're saying, values, or not aligned. The mind arrives later with a story to justify what the body already knew. So it's it's almost like what you're saying, the natural course is it actually comes from the body before the brain. And when we're coaching with clients, we take it from the brain to the body. Does that sound right?

Maria Connolly 8:35

Right. It's that fast, right? When somebody asks you a question when you're dealing with something, the body speaks first, it's already there. We know what that is, you know. We're asked a question, we pull back, we lean in, we have a subtle jolt of joy in our chest, it's faster, and then the mind comes in and interprets or tries to persuade us otherwise, right? Because it's less scary to get that job now than waiting for something bigger. It's like the unknown. Who likes the unknown?

Leadership Choices And Culture Stakes

Garry Schleifer 9:21

How true, how true. Are there any other high-stakes professional decision examples that you can make? Career is one. How else might it show up at that big exact level?

Maria Connolly 9:36

I work a lot with leaders, and leaders have to make really a lot of decisions all the time, right? And so sometimes these days I'm dealing a lot of culture in the workplace, right? And so often the choice is do I continue to work with this person or do I say you're not a good fit for our organization, right? And so we're dealing with conflict and maybe like not being liked and making a decision that you know it's right, and also it's not the popular decision, right? Because this person has a group of friends and all of that. And so those decisions, I always say it's really important that you make the decision that it's aligned with the value and the culture that are that you're wanting to create versus making a decision that allows you to just you know sleep at night and not have conflict and all of that, right? It's like the long-range consequences versus the you know the immediate gratification.

Garry Schleifer 10:56

Yeah. Wow, well said. And that's a pause. A friend of mine says a pause gives more than it takes. So sometimes it might be worth just taking a pause and checking in with your body, not just your mind and your surroundings. How can someone like me or my clients start building somatic literacy on their own?

Build Somatic Literacy With Mindfulness

Maria Connolly 11:19

Great question. So, you know, the the usual suspect, I think it's mindfulness or meditation. And you know, I don't think people need to engage in hours of meditation a day, like 10 minutes of mindfulness, meaning paying attention in a particular way without judgment, right? And the key is without judgment, right? So noticing for just a few minutes, what is my body doing right now? What's my breath without changing it? What are my feet doing? What's my belly doing? Sometimes I'll still catch myself. I'll be you know driving. I don't know if you've ever had that experience. I'll be driving and I'm like, you know, doing this. And I'm like, that's interesting. Okay. Let me just do this. It's like maybe I'm gonna drive better. But I might be also a cue of like, well, what's happening? Maybe I'm thinking about something, maybe I'm driving through a stretch that is particularly makes me tense or something particularly. So coming back to your question, a few minutes a day of paying attention without judging to what's happening to our breath, our body, our thoughts. Consistency, really consistency.

Garry Schleifer 12:42

You know, when you say that, I'm thinking of what's happening right now, and I tend to stop breathing, not stop breathing, but notice that I close my mouth and I don't take deeper breaths, and that's one of the things that I notice. So continue to notice things like that, and and what brings that on, and at what point in time, and things like that.

Maria Connolly 13:01

So we all do that, right? These are unconscious, yeah.

Garry Schleifer 13:08

And first I'm taking this very personal now, not personally, but for coming from me as a person, you know, I've spent years overriding my body and not paying attention. How can I relearn how to listen to it, to hear it?

Maria Connolly 13:24

Yeah, I think it's a first it's a commitment, right? I have a thing that I do with clients, right? I'll say, so first honor the fact that that not paying attention served something, right? It's like the old positive intention of NLP. You know, the positive intention is to just you know go the culture and and be faster and make decisions quickly and all of that. And once you've honor the fact that this has served a purpose, make a commitment to do something different, uh, because you're wanting a different goal, right? Maybe you're wanting to pay attention to yourself, have a different relationship with yourself, with your body, and make decisions from that deeper place.

Garry Schleifer 14:19

That's a great idea. So I shall. And I've started something recently, and the listeners can't see this, but I have a little sniffer I got way back, and just to pause, and it's a lavender scent, and just to I keep it handy now. Used to be in a drawer, and I keep it handy, and it's just a little reminder to go, oh, almost like stop and smell the roses, but in this case it's the lilacs. But you know, a little thing.

Maria Connolly 14:49

I love it, Garry. I have mine right here. I can see it.

Training Paths For Somatic Coaching

Garry Schleifer 14:54

We're on the same page, on the same page. Where did you get your your training for this somatic work? What schools and places would you suggest people go to find out more?

Maria Connolly 15:07

As you mentioned, I'm trained first as a clinical therapist, and so I studied a comi 20 years ago, sensory motor psychotherapy with Pat Ogden and all of that. So it started me in this journey. And then later on I discovered Ericssonian hypnotherapy, and so that also helped me sort of deepen this way of paying attention to you know the deeper wavelengths that we have. And then just about maybe less than 10 years ago, I discovered the Straussi Institute. And so credit to them also, Stacy Haynes, a great teacher. So I've been studying with them a little bit and deepened this way of being a coach with my clients.

Garry Schleifer 16:10

Oh, good reminder. I had forgotten that they were in that arena coaching. That's great. Your article was absolutely fabulous, lots of great tips, lots of pointers to the reader um uh in each of the areas that you uh are pointing us to. So thank you so much for that. What would you like our audience to do as a result of the article in this conversation?

Maria Connolly 16:38

You know, I hope they do what you did here today, like just stopping for a moment throughout the day, you know, right, like that, taking a deep breath, focusing on the exhale, and just remembering that there's so much more happening for us than what the mind is broadcasting.

Think Better By Moving

Garry Schleifer 17:04

I just I keep laughing because I keep putting myself in exactly in that driver's seat because I work from the head down, I forget to move around in the body. Although I have to say, Maria, as a result of reading your article, it's been in my mind to continually think about ways to get clients literally out of their chair. The other day I asked a client to picture having their team get up, move around, dismiss all of the operational thoughts, and come back to their chairs virtually to think about strategic thinking. Yes. And the client was like, wow, what a great idea! And I always hesitate, and then I realize how great it is. So I have to keep reminding myself, it may sound a little odd and it may be different, but ever we're all doing things the same way a lot of the time, and sometimes that different thing, although it sounds weird, can really transform a conversation, a group, an experience, right?

Maria Connolly 18:07

You are so, so right. There's a quote that I love, I think it's Nietzsche that says, don't trust anything that you're thinking sitting down.

Garry Schleifer 18:17

Say that again.

Maria Connolly 18:19

Don't trust anything that you're thinking sitting down.

Garry Schleifer 18:22

Wow. Okay.

Maria Connolly 18:24

I have it lift here, and so often I will lift my desk and push chair aside, and I'll get up, even with clients, and and sometimes they do the same, right? Because I find that it's so helpful when we walk our thoughts, you know, meaning like, okay, so you just said that, let's stand up, let's see what happens when you say it, when you're moving, when you're stretching, when you're not, you know, so scrunched up and something different happens, right? You can't be feel like the king of the world when you're like this, right? That pose is this, right?

Garry Schleifer 19:11

Yeah. Wow. Thank you. You just reminded me another client that there's a up here in Canada, there seems to be a major mandate by corporations to bring everybody back to the office. The only problem is there's not enough office space. So one of my clients took her direct report and they were having a one-on-one, I don't know what about, and they said, come on, let's just go outside and go for a walk. And they went out to a local park, sat in the park. Oh my goodness, the difference that made, she said, reported back was amazing. We weren't so official sitting in an office and so formal. And I can't wait to do that again.

Maria Connolly 19:58

Yes, we need to move more, not just exercising, but moving our thoughts, you know. So, like I have to make a choice. Let me go for a walk.

How To Connect And Subscribe

Garry Schleifer 20:09

Yeah, yeah, great ideas. Great ideas, Maria. Thank you. Thank you again for writing for us and for being here for this podcast. What's the best way for people to reach you if they want to talk to you more about this?

Maria Connolly 20:23

Through my um Instagram, I have Facebook, I think you have all the links. I never remember what my links are and LinkedIn. Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn. Yes.

Garry Schleifer 20:37

Yeah, LinkedIn is a very popular one. Maria Connolly, again, thank you so much for writing and again and for being on a podcast again. So thank you. And that's great. That's it for this episode of Beyond the Page. For more episodes, subscribe via your favorite podcast app, most likely the one that got you here. If you're not a subscriber to choice Magazine and you're watching this video, you can sign up for your free digital issue by scanning the QR code in the top right hand corner of my screen where it says scan me. If you're listening and you're now in a safe spot, not driving or on the treadmill, you can go to choice- online.com and click the sign up now button. I'm Garry Schleifer. Enjoy the journey of mastery.