Ep 119 One Simple Habit You Didn’t Know Could Change Your Life

What if the key to a fulfilling life lies in small, consistent actions rather than grand gestures? Join me, Makita, on this episode of "Time for Tea with Makita" as we explore the transformative power of building trust and self-care through everyday habits. Drawing from Brene Brown's "marble jar" concept and James Clear's "Atomic Habits," we'll discuss how simple acts like meditating, eating healthy, and practicing gratitude can accumulate over time, leading to substantial personal growth and self-love. We'll reflect on Aristotle's wisdom that excellence is formed by daily routines, and I'll share some heartwarming personal updates, including the joyful addition of a new cat, Turner, to my family.

In this episode, we focus on the concept of "marble jar moments," where small daily actions contribute to building self-trust and care. I'll share how I adapted this idea to my life using a jar and colorful marbles as a visual representation of these efforts. The journey hasn't been without its challenges, but the process of adding marbles—representing acts of self-care—has been deeply fulfilling. Inspired by James Clear's principles, we'll emphasize the importance of progress over perfection, and how even small steps like self-reflection and gratitude can have a significant impact on our long-term goals. Tune in to celebrate these tiny victories and learn how to nurture your inner relationship for a richer, more fulfilling life.

Transcript

Building Trust and Self-Care Through Habits

Speaker 1 0:00

When we feel like life isn't giving us what we need, whether it's peace, love or support, it's often because we're not giving it to ourselves, and that's when it's so important to make sure you're pouring back into yourself. That's when it becomes essential that you're showing up and trusting and believing that you are worth it. Also a great time to step back and ask yourself how can I pour into myself today? So I want to challenge you If you're myself today. So I want to challenge you. If you're listening to this, I want to challenge you what are you doing today to put marbles in your jar? Hey there, I'm Makita, a small town girl with big dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true.

Speaker 1 0:42

On my podcast, time for Tea with Makita, we chat about living life unapologetically, on your terms, from career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships and everything in between. This is your one-stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection, then you found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations. So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy, because this is time for Tea with Makita and the tea is definitely hot. Ever feel like you need a superpower boost of motivation with exclusive tips and tools with your goals in mind? Well, say hello to your new inspiration hotspot the Tuesday Tea Newsletter, your weekly infusion of big thinking energy that'll propel you to chase your wildest dreams and never shy away from using the power of your voice. Sign up for the Tuesday Tea Newsletter today at beautifullyunbalancedcom and elevate your goals to the next level. Welcome back.

Speaker 1 1:44

I am Makita and I want to thank you so much for sharing your time, your space and, of course, that amazing energy with me today. I know you could have been anywhere else, but you've chosen to spend this moment with me, and for that I am internally grateful to be with you. So, before we start this episode off, I just want to give you all an update of what's been happening in my world. Right, because a lot has been happening, actually, but the one thing I want to share with you guys is that we now have a pet. If you've been following me on Instagram or Facebook, then you have met my new grandson, which is a cat. His name is Turner and I officially welcomed him to the family, and I'm not going to lie before this moment.

Speaker 1 2:34

I was not a cat person. Honestly. I wasn't even a person that believed that pets should be in the house. I grew up we had dogs, but they were never allowed in the house. It was a general rule that pets belonged outside, just not in the house. So this has been a new experience, but I must say I'm loving it. And I also want to say to anyone who's ever said they would never do any particular thing or whatever just don't do it. Because I was a person that said I would never, ever, own a cat. And here I am with a cat in my house and I love him to death. I'm not going to say I love other people, cats, but I do love my cat. So for all the cat lovers out there, I am with you on the journey. Okay, all right.

Speaker 1 3:29

So before we jump into today's episode, I am going to first start with a quote, because you know I love quotes and think about today's topic and what I wanted to talk about with you guys. So it's from Aristotle, and it says we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit, and I found this to be like really deep, like it's when you really look at what he's saying is he's saying that our habits, those little things we do every day, define us more than any big one-time achievement ever will. We tend to think that excellence or success comes from doing something grand, something really huge, but it's really about those small, consistent actions. The daily habits we create shape our lives for better or for worse, and we're hoping for better because even when things are not particularly going our way, we do hope that as we build these new skills and new routines and new habits, that they excel us to the next level.

Speaker 1 4:50

So when I read this quote, I started to reflect on how we show up for ourselves. How do we start to build trust in ourselves? Through our habits, which led me to today's topic. Through our habits, which led me to today's topic, and I want to talk about my marble jar moments Now. These are small, seemingly insignificant things that we do for ourselves each and every day that add up over time. They're like this amazing building block of trust and self-care and, just like marbles in a jar, they accumulate right Until we are overflowing with self-love and wellness. And I would love to take credit for coming up with the concept of the marble jar, but honestly I can't.

Speaker 1 5:39

What made me think about starting a marble jar for myself was reading Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly, which I talk about a lot because it has been such an amazing book and a pillar and I am still learning from it each and every day. So in it she talks about how trust between people is built, one small action at a time, and this is much like putting marbles in a jar of time. And this is much like putting marbles in a jar. So every kind gesture, every moment of showing up for yourself adds marbles to the jar and over time it fills up and the relationship grows stronger. And we're talking about the relationship with yourself, right, that inner relationship that you have to build, that foundational relationship. We talk a lot about love and how. The most important thing is that before you can love someone else, you first have to love yourself. So much in the same respect of we love to show up for other people. But until we start to understand what it means to show up for ourselves and make a commitment to ourselves, you know what that looks like, what that feels like. Then it's easy, easier to show up for other people in that same capacity, right? Because we're no longer filling ourselves from an empty jar. Filling ourselves from an empty jar.

Speaker 1 7:07

Now, I will tell you, I was a little hesitant at first about sharing the marble jar and how I first started doing it. Because I was talking to one of my friends and I'm like every time I tell someone about something I'm doing, it seems like I just stop, because at one point I was like walking and running Well, more walking than running over light jog. But I was like really being really active. And soon as I mentioned that I walk, slash jog every day, it was like the very next day I didn't walk, I didn't jog, like it went out the window and it took me me a few weeks to pick it back up. So I was like, oh my gosh, do I really want to share this right now? Because I don't want to stop doing this thing, I want to keep doing it and I don't want to get lost in the translation of telling someone I'm doing something and then I end up stopping. So I was like, no, let's build this habit a little bit more, let's do this thing a little bit longer, see what that journey starts to look and feel like, and then I can share it and tell people what it was like, what the experience was like for myself, tell people like what it was like, what the experience was like for myself.

Speaker 1 8:32

So I thought about you know, when I read the book and she talks about the marble jar moments and creating these small things, I was like, all right, how can I apply this to myself? How can I start building trust with myself? Because in the book she mostly talks about building trust with other people and how people put marbles into the jar when they're building trust with us. But I was like I love that concept, but I'm really trying to focus on myself right now. So how can I make this more about showing up for me? And you know, I was like I know how I can do this Because I mean, let's be real, showing up for ourselves can be one of the hardest things to do.

Speaker 1 9:11

Right, it's easy to show up for other people, to show up for our families, to show up for our jobs and all the other responsibilities, but when it comes to showing up for ourselves, it really takes a lot of work. I mean that's where the work begins. It really takes a lot of work. I mean that's where the work begins. So I was like all right, I'm going to do this thing. I went to the dollar store. I just, you know, I grabbed a very simple jar and I'm not going to lie. The first thing I picked up was this huge, big old glass jar and I was like, yeah, I'm going to fill this thing up, because now I'm going to be walking and drinking my water and getting my eight hours of sleep and doing all these things. And then I was like hold up, let's get real Life happens quick. Let's start off small. So I was like let's get this small glass jar, you know, and let's get a bunch of pretty color marbles so it makes it look cute. I want to have fun with it too. So I got home, I opened all the marbles, I put them in a plastic Ziploc bag and I was like all right, this thing is going to start tomorrow.

Speaker 1 10:24

And every time I did something good for me, something that made me feel whole, something that made me feel whole, something that made me feel nurtured or at peace. I started to drop one marble in the jar, and this could be as simple as taking five minutes to meditate, or saying no to something that drained my energy, or eating something healthy, taking a nap, each of the small little action steps. You know I would add a marble. Even if I, like stayed on task for the day, like I didn't, you know, go off task or I completed my to-do list, my checklist, whatever that thing looked like, you know, I was like, all right, you get a marble for that. And it made me feel really good to put the marble in the jar. And I'm not going to.

Speaker 1 11:09

I'm going to let you know that I've been doing this thing for a year now, almost, not quite a year, but almost. I'm almost at the year mark here and it has been very fulfilling. But I'm going to tell you I'm going to keep it real, because there are some days that my marble jar starts to feel a little empty, I start to feel a little depleted, and there are weeks when I look at it and I think, man, have I really done something, really for myself? Is this really counting as showing up? Because sometimes we tend to be harder on ourselves than other people are. And the thing about life is life starts to get really busy and, as I was telling you earlier, when I was talking to my friend about sharing this whole concept of the marble jar I was really nervous about. Okay, if I share it, will I continue to stick with it? Have I been doing it long enough as a habit to consistently say like this is what I'm doing? This has been helping and other people should definitely try it.

Speaker 1 12:21

And I will tell you, there have been days where I found myself not putting marbles in the marble jar, days when I felt really down, when I felt like I needed a moment, a break and I wasn't showing up for myself, and it was in those moments I had to kind of sit back and pause and be like all right, girl, what's happening here? Like you haven't put any marbles in the jar and I just want you to know that that's okay. If there are days that you don't put marbles in the jar, this is not about perfection Got to get out your head about that. It's about progress. Perfection Got to get out your head about that. It's about progress showing up for ourselves bit by bit, even on the tough days. And sometimes I realized that the fact that I was able to self-reflect and say this is what's happening, that can be a marble too. I had self-reflection. You know we think about grand, grand gestures, as I talked about in the beginning. But remember, it's the smaller things. Having a day of reflection or just sitting there naming two or three things that you're grateful for throughout the day is also putting marbles in your marble jar.

Speaker 1 13:47

Now in James Clear Book, atomic Habits, he says you do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. Now I hope this hit home for you because, just like the jar, our systems, our routines, our habits, our daily practices are what keep us moving forward. It's not about having some big, lofty goal to reach. It's about the tiny steps we take each and every day that lead us there. Rome wasn't built in a day. Built in a day.

Speaker 1 14:32

And even like you think about your favorite recipe, you have to get the smaller ingredients right. You got the mixer, you go get the flour. If you're making bread, you get the eggs, you get the yeast, and it's all about all the small things that go into that, the small details that make it great. Now let's talk about what it means to truly show up for yourself and what that would look like for you, and what that would look like for you. Now I'm going to talk about for me, and if this sparks something for you, then I want you to take it and run with it. Or if you're interested in what I'm doing, join me. I love it.

Speaker 1 15:20

But I will have to say that meditation and breath work is the thing that really grounds me. So breath work is my marble. It makes me feel so grounded even on the busiest days. I've created and I've talked about this before that I've created this small little space in my home where I have my little pillow and my candle and all the little stuff that makes me feel at peace, where I can just sit for silence. You know, just take a moment, and you know just everything is just quiet. It's very hard to get a moment of silence right. So, taking just a few moments, I don't care if it's 30 seconds, and it's not always easy to make time right. Like I said, life be lifin'. But I do make sure that I carve out time because it feels like I'm doing something amazing for myself when I do, and I'm always excited to see myself put that marble in a jar.

Speaker 1 16:28

But I want to let you know that breath work, meditation, none of that is about clearing your mind, you know. It's not about reaching some enlightened state of mind. It's just about sitting, still breathing and giving yourself permission to just be. Sometimes, when I'm sitting in that space, I just tell myself Makita, just breathe, one inhale at a time, one exhale at a time. And I know that every time I show up I'm going to reinforce trust in myself, right, because that's what it's all about Trusting that you can show up for yourself, that you love yourself enough, can show up for yourself, that you love yourself enough to show up for yourself.

Speaker 1 17:20

And, like I said, some days are crazy. Just the other day, I had so much anxiety going on and I was like, okay, I really I need to breathe, I need to take a second. But I was like I don't think I can. Just I don't think I can sit here for a long period of time. I just can't do it today. I'm too wound up. So I was like I'm just going to do two minutes, I'm going to set my watch for two minutes and see what happens. And I did, and the two minutes went by so fast I didn't even realize it. So I was like, okay, let me have five minutes of this thing, because that went by too fast. I didn't even realize it. So I was like, okay, let me have five minutes of this thing, because that went by too fast. I need five more minutes. And before I knew it, I had sat there for 15 minutes and just breathe, and in the end I felt so calm, I felt so relaxed, my mind had so much clarity on what I wanted to do next and I was just like okay, I'm ready.

Speaker 1 18:19

And life isn't always peaceful. Right Things happen. And when those days happen, when things start to feel chaotic, when stress and anxiety starts to creep in and you feel like you're losing control, those are the days that it's easy to neglect showing up for yourself. Those are the days that we tend to lash out at others. We get frustrated and before we know it, we're not just dealing with our own stress, but also the fallout from taking it out on others. And at times it could feel like the marbles are starting to slip out of the jar one by one and you're left feeling empty. But if that happens, I just want you to remind yourself that you're not alone. When we feel like life isn't giving us what we need, whether it's peace, love or support, it's often because we're not giving it to ourselves. Love or support, it's often because we're not giving it to ourselves, and that's when it's so important to make sure you're pouring back into yourself. That's when it becomes essential that you're showing up and trusting and believing that you are worth it.

Speaker 1 19:29

It's also a great time to step back and ask yourself how can I pour into myself today? So I want to challenge you If you're listening to this, I want to challenge you. What are you doing today to put marbles in your jar? It doesn't have to be anything huge. It could be as simple as drinking an extra glass of water, taking a walk outside, finishing that resume or saying no to something that does not serve you. It could be even taking a power nap. There is something about taking a nap, I'm going to tell you, that just feels good. It actually really helps reset your mind and your mood and you come back and you feel so much better, more rested, because when I don't get enough sleep, I can become very grouchy. So sometimes a nap is what you need.

Speaker 1 20:29

Now, it's the little actions, the small things over time that add up, that make the big difference, and showing up for yourself is an act of excellence, and just like trusting with other people and building that trust with others. Building trust with yourself. It takes time, so take time to trust yourself that you can do this. There will be days, like I said, when the jar feels empty and you feel like, and you start to forget, like, oh my goodness, it's been three days and I haven't put anything in the marble jar and I want you to start thinking small. What are the small things that you're doing? Maybe you read a book that you wanted to read. You know whatever that thing is. You know whatever that thing is. What matters is that you keep showing up, that you keep adding marbles and that you keep honoring your worth.

Speaker 1 21:24

All right, as we wrap up, I want to leave you with this one last thought that self-care isn't selfish, it's necessary. Remember you cannot pour from an empty cup and you certainly can't fill someone else's jar when yours is running low. So take some time, even if it's just for a minute, to drop a marble in your marble jar today, because you deserve it, my friend. Okay, all right, I hope that you have enjoyed this episode and if you already have some ideas about how you're going to be filling your marble jar or some thoughts, share them with me. I cannot wait to hear your feedback or what you're thinking. All right, you guys, you can always connect with me on social media at Makita Smith, on Instagram or Facebook. At Makita Smith, I am here for you. All right, my friends, until next time, namaste.