Are You Living Your Life or Someone Else's Version of It?

We’ve been sold a version of self-care that looks good on Instagram—but often leaves us feeling even more burnt out.

In this episode, I’m breaking down what self-care really means, what it absolutely isn’t, and why so many of us confuse survival mode with restoration. Spoiler alert: if your “self-care” still leaves you exhausted, it’s not care—it’s another performance.

We’ll unpack:

• Why self-care is rooted in feminine energy, not hustle
• How to stop using bubble baths to bandage burnout
• The subtle difference between self-preservation and self-nourishment
• And 4 ways to bring intentional, honest self-care into your everyday life

This isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence.
 Because when you learn to care for yourself from a place of wholeness (not pressure), everything shifts.

Transcript

Freedom with Strings Attached

Speaker 1 0:00

And here's the truth Sometimes freedom doesn't feel like freedom when it still comes with guilt , pressure or needing to explain your joy to everyone . Hey , there , I'm Makita , a small town girl with big dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true . And a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true . On my podcast , time for Tea with Makita , we chat about living life unapologetically , on your terms , from career advice , entrepreneurship , relationships and everything in between . This is your one-stop shop for real conversations and inspiration . If you're looking for connection , then you found it here . Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations . So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy , because this is time for Tea with Makita and the tea is definitely hot . Ever feel like you need a superpower boost of motivation with exclusive tips and tools with your goals in mind ? Well , say hello to your new inspiration hotspot the Tuesday Tea Newsletter , your weekly infusion of big thinking energy that will propel you to chase your wildest dreams and never shy away from using the power of your voice . Sign up for the Tuesday Tea Newsletter today at BeautifullyUnbalancedcom and elevate your goals to the next level . Welcome back , it is definitely time for some tea and I'm your host . Makita , I want to thank you so much for sharing your time , your space and your energy with me today .

Speaker 1 1:35

Now , this episode may have you feeling like I am holding up a mirror . It's one of those moments where you pause and ask . Is one of those moments where you pause and ask is this the life I chose , or the one I settled into

The Feeling of Invisibility

Speaker 1 1:49

because it was expected ? Because lately , I've been thinking about this idea of a legacy and purpose , not in this heavy , dramatic way , but in the kind of way where you catch yourself daydreaming while doing the dishes or folding the clothes and you wonder is this it ? Do the people in my life really see me , or am I even leaving a mark ? What will be my legacy when I'm no longer here ?

Speaker 1 2:20

Now , that train of thought took me back to a book that I read a while ago the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue . Now , I won't go deep into the plot , but it's about a woman who lives for centuries and no one ever remembers who she is . She goes unnamed , unseen , unheard . Every interaction is fleeting and forgotten . Every connection slips away . Every interaction is fleeting and forgotten . Every connection slips away . But what stuck with me wasn't the magic of the story or the deal she made to live forever . It was how real that feeling is even today .

Speaker 1 3:05

So I'm not here to leave a book review or tell you what you should be reading . I'm here to talk about the idea of sometimes even fleeting moments where you're with friends , family or reading a book . Some things stick with you and they always come back and pop up in your mind and they stay there for a while and they help you realize that there's something more to life . They bring up thoughts , they make you reflect and think a little deeper , and for me , that was realizing this idea of what freedom really looks and feels like , what impact am I making , and about how , even in the middle of our connected world , so many of us feel so invisible . Because , let's be real I know I will there have been seasons in my life where I've looked around and thought this isn't bad

Building a Life That's Yours

Speaker 1 4:02

, this is nice , I like this life , but it's not the life I want . If you've ever felt that , I have been there . I know what it feels like . I'm with you , you follow the plan , you do the things , you smile in the pictures . But beneath all of that , there's this quiet ache or emptiness , this feeling of disconnection , like something's not quite right , like you traded one set of expectations for something else , you broke one cycle , only to step into a new version of the same pattern that you tried to leave behind .

Speaker 1 4:47

And here's the truth Sometimes freedom doesn't feel like freedom when it still comes with guilt , pressure or needing to explain your joy to everyone . We're told now that we can do anything Start a business , leave a relationship , move across the country and that's powerful , yes , but sometimes the weight of a choice can feel like it is suffocating and it leaves us feeling like what's happening happening Because you start the business and , first thing , people say you left that good job to do that . Or you say , hey , I'm going to move across the country , sell everything and start this new life . And why do you want to do that ? It's like they give you permission to do all of these amazing things , but then you have to sit there and feel this pressure to explain why this is going to make you happy , and that's not really freedom . It's freedom with strings . And it reminded me of this book not the fantasy , but the feeling of it Living a life where you feel free but not seen Present , but disconnected .

Speaker 1 6:11

So what I want you to ask yourself are you building a life that feels like yours ? Or are you editing yourself to make everyone else feel comfortable , what you love to fit into the boxes of everyone else's expectation , until you start feeling so small , so displaced , so unsure of who you are that you will be questioning everything . Just know that you are allowed to change your mind to start over to ask what do I want , mind to start over to ask what do I want , and actually take the time to wait for the answer . Sometimes we just want a magic answer , but it isn't always that simple , right ? We ask ourselves what do we want ? And it takes some time , it takes some peeling back a lot of different layers to find that idea of what you want .

Speaker 1 7:15

Because , honestly , what I wanted when I was 16 and in my 20s is not the same that I want now that I'm in my 40s . It looks different , it feels different and sometimes , when I'm thinking about what it is I truly want , I think about the feeling I want to have . What will that truly feel like for me ? Sometimes I think about it in the form of a food right , because I love some good ice cream . So I wanted to feel like eating a bowl of my favorite ice cream , which is birthday cake , outside on a summer , sunny day , sunny day . Or maybe I wanted to feel like sipping on a favorite tea , some lemongrass , where all I'm doing is basking in the idea of just doing nothing . That's what freedom feels like . So understanding what it will feel like and then picturing what it would look like . So when we get there , we know what that is , what that thing is that we want , and giving ourselves permission to take our time until we find it . You don't have to be in a rush and , like I said , you can change your mind anytime

The Power of Being Truly Seen

Speaker 1 8:35

you want and you are free to start over . It's never too late . You are never too late to start living a new dream .

Speaker 1 8:48

And here's another thing I've been sitting with , because we live in a world where everything is shared but not everything is felt . It's easy to be visible . It's harder to be seen . If you've ever walked into a room , smiled , did the polite thing and still felt like no one actually noticed you , like people are interacting with the version of you they decided is safe or comfortable . You can be the strong one , the helper , the funny one , and still feel invisible in your truth , that quiet , aching invisibility . It's not new , it just wears different shoes . It just wears different shoes .

Speaker 1 9:34

It's in being the one who checks on everyone else but never gets the how are you doing ? How are you really doing ? It's in staying silent to keep the peace , even when your voice is begging to scream out loud and be used . And that's when you start to wonder what happened . If I just disappeared for a week , would anyone notice ? Not post anything , not reply , who would notice ? How many people would stop and say hey , haven't seen you on social . What's going on ? Here's what I've learned we underestimate the power of presence . We think our legacy has to be loud to matter , and it doesn't . But it's often the small things , a simple word , a moment , a glance , a pat on the back , a smile , that leave the deepest mark . And that's what this story about the invisible life of Addie LaRue taught me . But it also taught me that life is ever-changing , no-transcript , through strangers who saw something in you that you hadn't yet claimed .

Speaker 1 11:11

I remember working with someone and it was crazy , because I'm usually in a very great mood , especially at work . I have no reason not to be in a joyful mood , right , I'm just . I'm overall normally happy person . But that day I was feeling a little stressed . I had a lot on my mind and I came in and I think I was trying to pretend to be my normal self and someone stopped me and they said hey , and they touched me gently on the shoulder and looked me in the eyes and said hey , how are you ?

Speaker 1 11:52

And I've had people ask me before in passing hey , how you doing ? Well , hey , how are you ? But this person actually took a moment to stop , stand , touch me , even if they didn't touch you . Stand , touch me even if they didn't touch you , but look me in the eye , because that eye contact let me know that they saw me in that moment . They saw and they said how are you ? And it was the best feeling in the world because I had been struggling , and not that I decided to pour out my whole life story , but what I said was it's been a challenging week and thank you , thank you for asking me .

Speaker 1 12:38

It means a lot and I don't know if they

You Are Just Getting Started

Speaker 1 12:42

knew how much that meant to me , but that single impact made me slow down to ask myself ? Am I doing the same for others ? Am I showing up , letting the people in my life know that I see them ? I truly see you . So I want you to ask yourself when is the last time you felt truly seen and what would it look like to show up as your full self , not this polished version of you that you've put together for everyone else , or this highly inflated persona that you show on social media , or the person that you are at work , but just yourself , you ? You take everything away . It's like taking off the makeup at night . Like if you were that person , what would it look like ? How would you feel ? Because , just understand , you don't need to be everywhere . You just need to be present in the places that make you feel real .

Speaker 1 13:47

I've been in a lot of rooms and I was very excited and honored to be in those rooms and , honestly , I wouldn't take them back . It was amazing learning lessons , but what I realized when I was in those rooms is what they were not for me . Not only that , I feel out of place and unseen . I realized that in that moment , if I could not step in that room and truly be me , the version of myself that I know is the best and just let my light shine , instead of conforming to the expectations of what someone else wanted me to be then that was not the room for me . So it's okay to appreciate the experience and still say that's okay . I'd rather be somewhere that makes me feel whole and complete .

Speaker 1 14:46

So no , this episode is not just about the story of the book . It's about you . It's about how easy it is to slip into a version of life that looks fine on paper but feels heavy in your chest . It's about how you don't have to wait for a crisis to happen to pivot . How you don't have to wait for a crisis to happen to pivot or to get a title or promotion to matter or have this huge following of people to be remembered .

Speaker 1 15:16

Sometimes you're leaving your legacy in places that you can't even see , and how you listen and in how you care and in how you choose yourself over and over again , even when it's quiet , even when no one's clapping . So if you've been feeling a little invisible

Call to Action & Closing

Speaker 1 15:37

, a little lost in your own story , I want you to hear this you , my friend , are not behind . You are not too much . You , my friend , are not behind . You are not too much . You are not too bold or too loud or too emotional , and you are never too late . You are just getting started in your life . It's already making waves . Remember that . All right , my friends , if this story connected with you or you feel like it will connect with someone else , share this with them . Let us all be empowered to create the freedom in life that we want to leave the legacy . That is all the tea that I have to spill , but don't forget to join me next time for some more delicious hot tea . Until then , namaste .