00: Jay's Story

Aside from leading BraveCo, Jason is a counselor/pastor at a megachurch in northern California. He and his wife have been married for 10 years, and have 4 children with 1 on the way. He's also an avid hunter and fisherman, a novice-but-aspiring jiu-jitsu fighter, and an overall hobby enthusiast.
 
In this introduction to the BraveCo Podcast, Jason Vallotton shares his story and the heart and mission of BraveCo. We hope you are encouraged by not only what Jason survived but how he's helping others with what he walked through.

Jason's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayvallotton/

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Website: https://www.braveco.org/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/
Join BraveCourse: https://www.braveco.org/bravecourse
Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ 

ABOUT BRAVECO
We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/
Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/

ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Transcript

0:00

We live in a time where masculinity is shamed. And men don't know what it means to be a man. As a pastor and counselor, I've spent the better part of my life, equipping and training others. My goal with this show is to translate my hard earned experience into tools and tactics to help you become stronger. As a man. This is the brave co podcast. I'm your host, Jason Valentine. Amen. Welcome to the brave co podcast. I'm your host, Jason Vallotton. Today, we're going to do something that we'll probably only do one time, I'm going to share my story, I'm going to unpack who I am, where I came from, and also where I am heading. And talk about brave code a little bit, but I thought you guys could have a real reference to who I am. So I grew up in a little house in a small town in Weaverville, California. And yeah, I grew up in a small town of about 3000 people, and I love small towns. Growing up in a small town, you have all the advantages of actually knowing your neighbors and people being friendly. And I just really loved being able to go outside my house, ride my bike, or my scooter, down the street. And not have to be supervised all the time. And that was kind of what it felt like to grow up in Weaverville. My house was a lot like growing up on Little House in the prairie, there was not very many problems. My mom and dad were incredible parents, my dad was a business owner. So he owned parts stores, and he was a mechanic, and he owned a gas station for a long time. And we just did a lot of different things. And my mom worked with my dad all the time. All that I can remember growing up, my mom helped and was a support to my dad. So that was fun. I kind of grew up in like the typical American, like the good life, just that that small town feel white picket fence type of feel, but out in the woods, and so life starts fast when you I mean, it just feels like life starts fast. Maybe it doesn't know anything about it. But for me, felt like life started really fast in the sense that I was so innocent, growing up, and growing up in that small, good home. And then, but even growing up in a really good home. Felt like I found things like sexuality, I found pornography and masturbation at a really, really young age. And you would think that I would have grown up in a bunch of chaos or I'd grown up for for how caught up. I got into the sexual stuff you would think that I grew up in maybe a bigger city or or, but I didn't even even in the 1980s it's kind of funny because now kids get connected to pornography much much earlier than kids from my era. But not me at, I don't know, 10 years old, I had already found masturbation and it wasn't until about probably 10 years ago that I realized I became completely addicted to masturbation as a way to cope with the anxiety that I had as a kid growing up. And it's funny because growing up, I didn't think that I had that much anxiety until I look back as an adult and start to reflect on my childhood and just begin to understand how much pressure I was under. And most of my anxiety was stuff that I had made up in my mind. It wasn't like logical for instance, a lot of people have anxiety because they grew up in a house that's full of chaos and not me. I I had anxiety I had lots of fears, lots of phobias. That I wasn't okay that someone was gonna kidnapped me that I had some disease and I really struggled with that but didn't know how much of a battle that was. So anyways when I found masturbation I found a incredible coping mechanism to the anxious feeling that I carry around all day. And so needless to say, I became completely addicted to that. And add about, I don't know, 14 years old, I found pornography, which you can imagine, pornography on top of already being addicted to masturbation was just fuel to the fire. And that became a real prison in my life. My parents were so great at taking us kids in not just taking us to church, but getting completely involved in golf, into church in and in those days. And even now, I mean, I'm more plugged in than I was back then, we had a really strong Church of about 250 300 people. Bill Johnson was the pastor. And it was just a phenomenal place to grow up. I saw God move so powerfully. My parents were so incredible at just involving God into our everyday life. But it was annoying. You know, when you're a kid, it's super annoying to have to have to go to church all the time. And I remember asking my parents, specifically my dad, hey, do I have to go to church this week? And my dad would say, No, you don't have to go to church. And I'd be like, yes. And he would say you get to go to church. And that was the mindset that was sewn in instilled. And I realized at a really young age, that not only did my life have purpose, and meaning, which I'll talk about a little bit later, but that people needed me, I was on this planet, to make a difference. And that's something that my dad really instilled heavily into me. But getting back on to talking about the sexuality stuff, going back a little bit in my life. Because I had such a strong foundation and with God in history with God, man, it was so conflicting, being completely caught up, connected completely. VS stuck trapped in masturbation and pornography, I just I lived with this conflict. That interestingly enough, I didn't hide. I didn't hide it from my parents, and specifically from my dad, I remember being probably 12 years old riding in the car. On the way home from reading, we're driving from Redding to Louisville, which is like a 50 minute drive. And my dad, he would always ask me these crazy intense, just questions, he we talked about girls a lot. And he wanted to make it normal. He didn't want to make it weird for us to talk about sexuality, or girls or dating or how to treat a woman, which was super embarrassing when you're young. But I look back at that now and go, gosh, that's how I made it through all that sexual exposure at a young age and my dad asked me, Hey, do you know what masturbation is? And I just remember being 12 years old in the car. Like I almost I just like instantly started sweating almost. I thought I was gonna fall out of the car and but I told them like, Yeah, I know what it is. And I've tried it a few times. He didn't know that I was completely addicted but I tried it a few times. And that started the conversation with my dad about what was really going on in my life and so come to 14 years old 1415 I'm stalking in pornography, watching pornos with my friends who'd stole VHS tapes. We didn't even have DVDs in it was all VHS tapes and and Playboy magazines. And I remember I would every night my dad would take a bath because he was a mechanic so his hands would be all dirty. And for years, I would just go sit in the bathroom and talk with him and connect. It was just our normal I thought every guy did that. And I just remember talking to my dad about pornography and being stuck in in pornography and watching late night Showtime on a fuzzy screen. And one night I was just so I was so done with it. I'd struggled off and on for about a year with watching it and then not watching and you know Saturday night watching late night Showtime and Sunday morning going to church, repenting and just doing this crazy cycle and so i i done a whole bunch of stuff. Finally, my dad one night, I'm talking to him after work. And he says, Hey, what do you think about telling the family? It's cool if you've got older brothers who are also struggling, but I'm the youngest of two other siblings, the older siblings are my sisters. And then I have my mom. So he's essentially saying, hey, what do you think about sitting down your sisters and your mom and telling them what you're going through? And I was like, Who? I don't know. I actually told them. Hey, do you? I don't know. Do you think it will work? Like, do you think this is the antidote to what I'm struggling with? Any said, Yeah, I do. I think it will help. I think it will help a lot. And I did. That was, that was one of the most courageous conversations, I've had to let my sisters in my mom and on what I've been struggling with so deeply, for so long. And I remember my sisters got around me that night, and my mom stood around me, and they prayed over me. And that was the beginning of the end of that struggle in my life with pornography. And from then on. From that night on, I realized I need something every day. That reminds me of who I am as a man because we can't expect to break an addiction, just through telling, just through being open just through confessing like, I knew that I had to remind myself daily, of who I am, and what I believe in, and why I believe in that. And so I began to wear white shirts every day. I go to school. Now I'm a sophomore in high school, and I'm wearing these white shirts every day, which was pretty cool. For the first few days. And then my friends started going, Dude, why are you wearing white shirts all the time, they thought my mom got like a mega sale at Walmart or something. But I just started to explain to them, I didn't hide it, I have super strong conviction. So I just told him like, I needed something to remind me of who I am, I was struggling with pornography and, and masturbation, and I need something every day that reminds me. And now they worked. Um, that was the changing point, the turning point in my life. And my dad had got me a purity ring, which I wore on my right hand. And I still have it to this day. But again, it was in that season where I needed something to remind me of who I am. So I wore this white shirt, these, you know, my white shirts and my purity ring. And I didn't care like if a partier at school would ask me like, Hey, what's that ring? I tell him I this is this is my purity ring. My parents got it for me. And, and which basically just means I'm going to be pure, I'm not gonna have sex till I'm married. And it's a reminder to me every day and honest to God, as embarrassing as it was, I never had one kid make fun of me. Most of the time, when I would tell somebody, especially the girls, they would kind of look down and be like, I wish that my parents did that. I wish and they were like party girls. So that just in my life, I just, I give so much credit to where I am today, because of the home that I grew up in. I had an incredible upbringing, and all through these different sexual experiences these different failures in my life and exploration. journey in my life. I had incredible parents, which really grounded me, you know, all of my sexual experiences, up until I was 16 years old. Were with guys, all of them. Whether it was I mean, I had oral sex as a, like, probably 10 or 11 years old, with a friend of mine, and a couple times with a guy friend of mine. And I didn't know it was wrong. I didn't. I didn't really think twice about it. Except for I felt, I shouldn't say I didn't I didn't know it was wrong. I didn't actually know it was wrong. I felt bad. After doing it probably like you have before you do something that no one ever told you is wrong. And you just feel kind of dirty. That's how I felt that day. And I came home and talk to my dad. I just told him like, Man, this is what I did. I tell him about the oral sex, which I didn't know the name, the word oral sex. I was too young. So I explained what I was doing. And I just remember my dad looking at me being like, oh, yeah, you're super curious. And that's just not something we do. It's it's, it's not evil to be curious. He also explained that I had a sex drive, which means that I wanted to have sex, but we don't follow our temptations. We don't have to follow our We our emotions and our temptations and, but we can we can decide to delay that we can decide to, to say no to the things that we're tempted to do. And that was the last time that I ever had oral sex with a guy. And then I, you know, masturbate with my friends and watch porn together and stuff like that. And again, you would think that I would have struggled as a kid with same sex attraction, or that I would struggle with gender confusion or anything like that. But because I had a dad that was, so such a strong place of identity, and comfort and security in my life, and a mom that accepted me. And I didn't let my temptations literally define who I was. It just became this, like, Oh, I'm super curious, oh, I've got a sex drive, oh, um, which is really what it is today. That's true about all of us. So we are not the temptations that we chase, you know, we are the values that we embrace. And so that became a powerful place of acceptance and love that I didn't have to hide from my parents. I didn't have to hide from the church, I didn't have to hide from these authority figures in my life. They accepted me honestly for who I am, and then helped to provide clear direction about who I was and how God made me and just phenomenal, phenomenal upbringing. And I can't thank my parents. Enough for that. Fast forwarding a little bit. 16 years old, I met my high school sweetheart. And 17 years old, I got engaged, which a lot of you are like, holy cow. I mean, even me, I'm like cheese. But that what else you going to do in a small town, that's what you do in a small town, I mean, that my aspirations were to get married, have kids and be a logger, or work at a mill. And because I grew up in a logging town, or somehow work out in the forest, maybe be a Forest Service guy, and forester. And, yeah, so I got engaged. 17, Married at 18. Just right, like, August 29. So I graduated high school and got married. I mean, what, couple months apart month and a half apart. And then before my first anniversary, August 23, my son Elijah was born. And that just really kicked off a completely different season in my life. I didn't even plan on having kids that young. I guess when you're that young, you don't plan very good. So maybe, maybe she skipped, you know, taking the pill or? Yeah, maybe. I don't know, all the things that were supposed to work didn't work. But I started having kids young, so yeah, 1819 years old, really, as have my first son, Elijah. And then by the time I was 24 years old, I had three kids, Elijah Riley, and Evan, and was done having kids out of iSeq. To me, super young. It's crazy. The I definitely wouldn't recommend having kids young, there's a lot of upside or benefit to it. The fact that I'm 41 years old now, and my kids are grown, and married. My oldest is married is awesome. I'm going to be a super young grandpa. And being young while my kids were young was awesome, because I had tons of energy. The downside to having kids young, obviously, is I wasn't super saddled. So what does a 19 year old know about life? What does a 19 year old know about raising kids? And I think we did a great job because I had great parents. But man, the learning curve, It's so steep when you're really, really young. And yeah, life was. Life was incredible, but also super challenging. I went to the school of ministry. So my parents, I guess I should back up a little bit and say 18 years old, my parents moved from Redding. They went to Earth from Weaverville they went to Redding. And they became associate pastors at Bethel Church, which was awesome. They started a school of ministry there for people all around the country that wanted to come and in learn, you know, get closer to God or not prophesy, learn how to pray for the sick, learn some good identity. So they started that school. And at 22 I went through the school ministry or no 2020 20 I went through the school ministry for two years, so 20 and 21. And then I moved back to Weaverville. and became a wildland firefighter, which I loved that job. It was incredible got me back out in the woods, and behind a chainsaw hiking every day playing with fire. Those were that was probably the most incredible fun job I've ever done in my life, every day hiking, hanging out with guys. But that only could last for so long when I had young kids. So I went from firefighting to getting a job at the school ministry, becoming school ministry pastor. So basically my job was to help lead the students we had, I had 60 students that were under me that I'd pastor and that was awesome. I did that for 10 years at Bethel Church, and our school just exploded, we went from having, I don't know, I think when I went there, it was the second year of school and there was 45 first year students and 24 Something second year students. And then by the time I left school ministry, so 10 years later, there's probably 15 101st Year students and 602nd year students and just 1000s of alumni that had gone through it. So man, what those years of pastoring just was so phenomenal. But I had some crazier twists and turns at Yeah, at 27 years old. I don't know if you've ever gone through something where I felt like it was going really good, really smooth. And then before you know it, like the one day you wake up, and it feels like life's on fire. That's what my life felt like I ended up going through a divorce. At 28 years old. It was the most incredible, like, overwhelming pain. Everything was overwhelming. Everything my whole entire life felt like I was on fire. And it was like this slow motion train wreck that I couldn't stop, even if you tried. And I don't really necessarily want to get into all the details, all the gory details of my past. And not because I'd want to hide it mostly for for my ex wife sake. Is there was an infidelity. And yeah, just, it was just this tough time of learning how to raise kids being a single dad, so I overnight, I became a single dad, and the kids lived with me, especially the especially the first two years, the majority of time or a lot of time. And I began to just navigate this crazy season of How do you walk your kids through pain and be a pastor at a church? Not I wasn't the main pastor again at the school ministry, and also work myself through this really painful season in my life. And how do you do all that? Well, at 20 years old. It was, yeah, it was just one of the craziest seasons, the truth is, is that you don't do it? Well. There's no way to do that well on your own. The most, which goes back to what I learned as a kid is that the greatest strength in your life is the community, the family that you have. That's, that's what's gonna get you from, where you're at today to where you want to be. And those were the years again that I learned how vital it is to have my mom and my dad and my brothers and sisters and my friends. They could really help to pour into me. There was a lady that was in my revival group, one of my 65 students that I was pastoring that would do all the shopping for me and my kids. I don't I don't know. She had five kids of her own and she did this just to just to help me I was you know, super busy. And I owe that Jenny Grimes. You know who you are. I owe you so much. And there's just been so many people in my life that were like that. That came in helped me through a season that there's there's no way I would have ever made it on my own through that my 20 roommates and three or four yours during that time, and those roommates were so key to loving on my kids. And so key to helping create a culture of love and health and peace. And yeah, each one of those guys, I owe so much to him in a lot of ways I could never repay them. Which is what life's supposed to be. And it was through that hard time through the divorce that I learned how to work through pain, that I learned how to walk through real forgiveness, because up until then, it's just a theory, you know, if you've never gone through a lot of pain, which I've never met someone who hasn't been through a lot of pain, but if you haven't, then it's all theory. And, you know, forget people say, Oh, you just need to forgive. Well, thanks. But how do you do that? That's where I learned like, really specific tools and keys to forgiveness and working through pain, which I'll be sharing on this podcast with you guys. But that started it. And then in two in 2009, I started dating a girl named Lauren, who is now my wife. And it was the most incredible but challenging processes because she wasn't just dating a single guy, she was dating a divorced guy who has kids, and who's a pastor at this church. And so it was just it just was like, so intensified the process. And then us as a dating couple, not not speeding it up or moving past any pushing boundaries, you know, haven't been married 10 years, and then go to not being married in. Yeah, so it was just this incredible journey. It really was this incredible journey of learning how to do this dating process again, and protect my kids hearts and really make sure that I like Lauren, I don't just want someone to watch the kids and it's phenomenal. And her and I we've been married for going on 11 years this year. It's just been phenomenal. The most incredible. She's the most incredible woman, we've got a great marriage, but it's because of how intentional we were and and and how we did that season. And maybe I'll do a dating couple dating podcast for you guys. On brave co it's one of the one of the things that that I feel like I'm I'm super good at because having done it two times in my life, not just dating, not dating to women, but having gotten married twice in my life, and doing it so well the second time and navigating the challenges. Yeah, I love talking about that. But after I started dating, Lauren, I had so overwhelmed myself with I had been two years out of the divorce. I had written my book, winning the war within, about how to work through pain, and how to come to a place of real forgiveness, and how to set boundaries to become a healthy person. And so as I was writing that book, I was working for the school ministry, I was on more revolutions board, which is a movement to help teach kids about sexuality and and get them out of pornography, things like that. Teaching dating, and, or plus raising kids on my own plus being a school ministry Pastor, I was working on two other books at the time. And also counseling people said I I've been a counselor since I was really really young. And I just overloaded myself got so overloaded ended up a nervous breakdown. I literally piled so much stuff on myself. Plus dating, Lauren, that I found myself in this crazy nervous breakdown, and not lasted. Gosh, I lost the use of my arms in my hands for about a solid year like if I was to pick up a glass like this. I would for starters, I would shake. And then I'd have to use two hands because I lost all the strength in my hands in those years in that year. And I would have to in three wet dreams a night my body trying to cope with the crazy amounts of anxiety. And I hadn't. I didn't I didn't use masturbation to cope with it. I hadn't masturbated since I was 16. Since I literally wore that white shirt I had I haven't masturbated even to this day, outside of like the marriage or whatever. That's not part of my life and pornography is not a part of my life. So when I got super overwhelmed with anxiety, and even depression, in my nervous breakdown, it was like my whole world again, just completely shut down. It was worse than the divorce because of how powerless I felt I was having nightmares. It was crazy. Like, I woke up one night with demons standing in front of me I could seen with my eyes, which you may not believe in that which is fine with me. I ended up my first reaction was to kick them. I woke up in the middle of night and I was like, whoa. And I just kicked from my bed and I broke my toenail kicked right through and broke my toenail. On my dresser. It was just I just had these crazy experiences. And I ended up having to get on medication after fighting it for a year. That's why my body got so broke down. So depleted, was just trying to get out from underneath this anxiety day in and day out. And ended up I had to get on medication, Clonazepam, and Lexapro, just to just to make it a fair fight. My, my emotions, my nervous system was so shot. And that was really a five year battle. Coming out of this nervous breakdown, getting on the medication, starting to get my life back. I had I had gotten married. So Lauren and I got married in 2011. And I, yeah, even after getting married, like I felt so weak, I'd gone from being like the strong, competent, firefighting guy, outdoorsman hunt, and fish my whole entire life to like, I can't walk further than, I don't know, a couple 100 yards without my knees hurting. My hands shook. And this is like years off, there's like three years after my nervous breakdown. And I just went on this crazy journey of renewing, restoring my mind becoming strong again, as a man and working myself out of this. Like this come being completely devastated. It was it was completely devastating. So that was about a five year journey of going from my nervous breakdown to like, Okay, I feel like I'm getting my life back. And I feel like I'm, I'm getting on my feet again. And but in that, right, you become Medically Dependent on the medication, even though I never abused, it actually only took I only ever took half the dose that my doctor recommended for Clonazepam. I was dependent upon that, and I hated it. So it took me I was on that medication for eight years, nine years, before finally weaning all the way off of it, which was a miracle, because he's just so hard to get off that medication. But that was a big breakthrough in my life. Lauren, and I got a vasectomy reversal. I know what you're thinking, the Snip Snap, snap, snap. Yeah, I went through that. So I got a vasectomy reversal at 31. Because Lauren was, of course, an instant mom to my kids, but one of her greatest dreams was to have kids of her own. And so we just decided, before we got married, I told her like, I'm willing to get a reversal and just try to see what happens. Because obviously, there's no guarantees will we ended up trying to have kids for five years. So we dealt with five years of infertility. And most people think trying to have kids is super fun. Yeah, it's super fun for a couple of months. But once you try to have kids for five months, and you can't have kids, and every month you think you're pregnant and then find out when she has her period that she's not pregnant and becomes this pain point. And then you begin to do all the testing behind why is she not pregnant? And is it me? Is it her? Tracking ovulation cycles is probably more than you guys want to know. But this is just real life. This is what we go through. super painful. So five years in to trying almost everything. Lauren finally gets pregnant, and she got pregnant on Father's Day, which just felt like this gift from God. Right. Awesome. She's so excited. I'm so excited. And we go in on our 10 week checkup to finally see our baby and there's no heartbeat, the baby died. Just so completely devastating. One of the definitely one of our biggest challenges for Lauren and I having to Try have so many promises so many words from God and just in our heart together, and then all of a sudden to get breakthrough, we only had like a 3% chance of getting pregnant because of all the just the challenges that we've been through, and finally get pregnant on our own, and there's nothing at the baby dies. So we work through that took us quite a while to work through that. But in let's see, 2000 2019 Lauren got pregnant again. We ended up going through and doing IVF, which is in vitro fertilization. It's we took a lot of time to process with God, like, are you okay with this? Is this what we want to do? And, yeah, it's, it's such a massive process, if you've never done IVF, you don't want to, if you have to do IVF, there's, there's definitely massive benefit to doing that. So we ended up having our baby ed. So in 2020, Edie was born a week before the pandemic happened. Which was crazy, because on one hand, like the whole world was in chaos and turmoil and confusion. And we bring this little life into the world. And the upside to it is I got to spend a whole year at home with my family, and help Lauren, you know, take care of the baby and learn. And so that was a massive upside. Thanks, COVID. for that. The downside is, it's just such a hard year for everyone you have you have a baby and you can't go out, you can't see your friends, you can't take them to church. You can't do anything like that. So that was an incredibly challenging season in our lives. And then 2021 My wife got pregnant again. So we just found out No, we didn't find out, we found out months ago that they were having another baby. And that actually we didn't have to do IVF. For that, again, we only have a 3% chance of getting pregnant. But we got pregnant on accident. And that was so so awesome. The funny thing is I was telling Lauren, like, I'm not sure that I want to have any more kids. We already have three kids plus we have Ed and I was like, Man, I'm getting old. I'm 40 years old. Like I should, I should call it, I should just be thankful for what I have. And she was already pregnant. So I'd already been having conversations with Lauren telling her I'm not sure that we want to have more kids. And yeah, she was crying like this is all I want to do. And I'm just like, I don't know, I'm getting so old. Long story short, she called me from her parents house in South Carolina, cuz that's where she was from, she was visiting them. And she's like, you're not going to believe this. I'm pregnant. So that was such a blessing. We're stoked. Lauren only has four weeks to go as of filming this. And we'll have another baby so we're having a baby boy Yeah, so we're so excited as a family and as it's just going to be an incredible season in our life. But um, you know, this has been such a wild journey my life. I look at my life and I feel like I've lived three lives right I live I live the life before I got married the first time which was 18 and then I get married and have kids so young that feels like one life I go through my divorce get remarried. How go through all the the addiction or the medical dependence however you want to say it I don't really care. Go through having kids go through not being sorry, the miscarriage then going through having kids and it's crazy my life. I've just have felt like I've gone through so much stuff. But the truth is, is that we all do we all life is a journey. It's not a it's not honestly, it's not a destination, you don't land anywhere. You just go from one thing to the next is next and next. And for me, I've felt like my whole life what I've wanted to do is to be able to take the things that I've been through the gifts that my parents have given me the gifts that that other people have given me and give them away and I knew at a very, very young age, that I wanted to help transform people back into their God given identities. Like David did his mighty men. If you don't know the story of David in his mighty men, you should go and look it up and read it. But David was on the run from Saul. He was he was on the run and fighting for his life. And, you know, he was hiding with all these, these outcasts, these nobodies. And when these guys came in, they hid with David, these murderers, these outcasts, they became these really incredible mighty men. And I remember my dad telling me that story at about 12 years old, and I told my dad like, oh my gosh, that's what I want to do. I want to transform like these, these ordinary, or these outcasts into what God had called them to. And so I've been holding on to that dream. I've, that's what drove me 13 years old. That's where I started to learn. Counseling, as my dad told me, Hey, you don't go to church for you. You don't go to youth group for you, you go, because people need you. And those, that's where I started learning the first steps, the first skills and being a good listener and helping someone else out. Fast forward in 2019. Sorry, about 2018 We had a vision to start a men's movement to help restore the most fatherless generation in history, which is important for you to know. We live in the most fatherless generation in history. That didn't come from our father's dying and war in when you live, when when you grew up in a home where you don't have a dad, not because he died from war, but because he didn't want to be with you. The effects that fatherlessness has in our generation today is astronomical. What is going on? Because our fathers aren't there to protect, provide promote, which is the role of father in the family is devastating. All the things that we would want to see changed in society all the major effects in society, incarceration, addiction, the drug abuse, the fatherlessness, the violence, the abortion rate, you can link all of it back to fatherlessness. All the statistics. You can link back to fatherlessness. And so we began to dream about okay, if fatherlessness is the real pandemic which is true. If you can heal a father, you can heal a family. And if you can heal a family, you can heal a nation. And so we started to look at man, how do we change what's going on in society? And how do I partner? How do I continue this dream that I've had in my life since I was young, to restore broken people back to their God given identity. We started small, we started with a retreat in Texas. And that blew into really building out a discipleship model where we can help men get well and get trained and give back. And so that's what we do now. We have a 12 month discipleship program at Brave co.org. We disciple men and in five Main Categories in masculinity. So we do 12 weeks of masculinity. We do 12 weeks on sexuality relationships, helping guys build healthy, strong relationships, break addictions, it's one of the things that we're incredible at. And then the next phase is wealth and provisions. So you got to know how to build wealth in your life. You got to know how to steward your money, you got to know how to build a wealth mindset. And then leadership and legacy. So guys from all over the country are being discipled. Every single week. We meet online every week, and we're seeing I'm seeing families being restored. I'm seeing men get free of addiction. I'm seeing men learn how to live a whole healthy life. And it's honestly it's just a fulfillment, what we're doing here at brave because of a fulfillment of a dream that that God put in my heart as a young boy that's been prophesied over my life for years that that men have spoken over me and other other men that are part of this and it's honestly it's a dream come true. For me sitting here today. Taking all the all the just the crap that I've been through all the downs, the the hard things, the divorce, the addiction, the the medication, the failed marriage, the addiction to pornography, and masturbation, all of that. And to weaponize my story So that, that I can, I can give a guy a leg up, I can give you the breakthrough that took me years to get, or the end other people gave me. That's what I'm here for. That's, that's what this podcast is about is about helping you to grow is about sharing stories like mine and other men is about helping to build strong families, helping to build strong communities, helping to, to restore the most fatherless generation in history. And we're going to do that, we're gonna do that together. It takes men like you. It takes men who are willing to, to step up and to share what they've been through, takes men to be courageous, and face your own demons and own your story, so that you can do the same, you can weaponize your story, like mine, and you can not hide from it, not be afraid of it, not let it be used against you. But you can walk from where you're at today. Maybe through some brokenness, maybe through some pain, maybe through some unforgiveness, maybe through some addiction, and you can get to the other side. So I'm super excited to be on this journey with each and every one of you. And I'll be unpacking different things in my story that I didn't have time to share today. Or maybe I can go more in depth on that over the next few months for years with you guys and really get to a place of greater breakthrough and greater momentum in what we're doing. So I'm excited for that. Guys, thanks so much for listening today. It was great being with you have an incredible week.