Back to School Tips for Caregivers and Families

Have first-day jitters? You're not alone. Getting ready to head back to school brings up many feelings in both children and their caregivers. This episode discusses considerations and tips for families as the school year is gearing back up. The importance of routines, supporting children, and helping develop independence are all discussed. 
#families #backtoschool #education #children #caregiving

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:21

Hey , everyone. Welcome to learners and leaders, the education podcast. I'm Hura and I'm joined by my good friend, Jen, who is back from vacation. Welcome back, Jen.

Speaker 2 0:31

Thank you. It's so great to be with you again. Um, it's good to get away, but it's always the best to come home.

Speaker 1 0:40

Definitely miss you while you were on your adventures on the east coast. So it's back to school season and I'm, I've been back for a few weeks. Jen is gearing up to go back to school next week and we get to experience back to school, both as educators and as parents. So that really inspired the topic we'll be discussing today back to school tips for families and Jen and I were very intentional in the titling of this episode because we know families look different everywhere. So in this episode, we are honoring and discussing all of those, doing the very important work of raising children. And we refer to those as families. You ready? Jen?

Speaker 2 1:24

Ready? Let's dig in. Thank

Speaker 1 1:26

You . First things first. Oh, forgot to say this. We're going to be discussing three strategies that can help support families in getting ready to go back to school. First things first back to school jitters children are nervous. Families are nervous summer flew by what tips do you have? Jen ?

Speaker 2 1:48

You know, first off they are going to take on the vibe that they're feeling in their home. So if your home is a place of worry anxiety , um, having a difficult time, reeling back the bedtime, having any negative , um, sharing about, oh , the drudgery of going back to school, that's all feeding into their little ears . And so I just caution families. I'm, I'm hopeful that what you're the diet you're feeding them is the excitement let's get back in touch with our friends. You're gonna have opportunities to make new friends, maybe find out a little tidbit or a hook about that new teacher or teachers. So that there's that looking forward to , um, planting the seed of, I can't wait to hear what you're eating in the cafeteria. So all of those ways that we take a positive outlook, they're gonna feed off of that. They're gonna feed off of our vibes. And I just think it's in that positivity that will get our biggest bang for our buck, for our youngsters.

Speaker 1 3:10

And they're like, children are like sponges. So even if you are talking with your partner or someone else in the home home about back to school worries, and back to school stress, our children do absorb these things. So just kind of monitoring. Yes, it's very normal. It's a transition. We are transitioning from a more laid back summer to structures and early bed times and early mornings and making it to the bus stop at time. But there's also this part where we can use this as an example with our children to say, oh my goodness, I'm really worried about us all getting to bed early as a family, but here's a plan. So it's not that like fake positivity, but it's like acknowledging yes, these will be changes. This will be challenging for us, but here's the plan. I love that. Okay . Okay.

Speaker 2 4:00

You know, and you touched on that next piece, that number two piece of how do we dial back? And at my house, we always kind of started 10 days early , um, to get routines in place. And I started slow , um, because I never felt like everything I read said, you know, three days before, make sure three days before you're that wasn't enough of a routine for my boys. So we kind of followed that last two weeks before, even if it was 10 minutes earlier, even if it was a more calming way of heading upstairs. Um, getting back in the school routine of a book beside our bed, shutting down the electronics , um, I, you know, for me and you tell me how it works best for you, how to it is in those. Now we're gonna brush our teeth. Now we're gonna do light low . You know, you can have a book by you, but it slow starts to those routines.

Speaker 1 5:17

Oh , absolutely. Jen . And when we think about these routines, we don't want it to be an abrupt change for children because we know most kids do well with routine and structure turning off the technology a little bit earlier, kind of getting us back into the pattern of being super productive so that we're not tired. We're not , I grew at school, although those are super simple strategies that can go a really long way for families and getting enough sleep is so critical. I know as an adult, I do not function well. If I have not gotten enough sleep. And I think I sleep more than your typical adult, like I just do a lot more rest. But when we think about brain development and all of the mental and physical work that happens in a school day and it's about eight hours, I mean, when you think about drop off and pick up our children are on for eight hours. So we always think about like sleep recommendations , um, 10 to 12 hours for our younger kiddos, which is kind of around what my daughter gets and she's four and , um, for our teenagers , um, it's usually eight to 10 hours, which seemed high to me, but I know their brains are still developing too.

Speaker 2 6:36

Yeah. You're, you're hitting the nail on the head and we're talking about the bedtime, but I think it's important to if you've got a sleeper in the morning to also start setting the alarm earlier, so that you're backing up the time in the morning to, it's not enough to start the bedtime routine, if you're gonna let them sleep until 11. So <laugh>

Speaker 1 7:02

Well , this phone is sleep

Speaker 2 7:03

Both . Yes <laugh> . So we've gotta do it on the other end. I also start planning. What are the things that we're gonna do in a grab and go independent situation? I think if even at the youngest age, my boys knew there was a protein and a fruit and they had water or juice in the morning to start the day. So you're gonna put a liquid in your body and you're gonna grab a protein and fruit and what are those choices going to be and stocking the pantry with those items? Um, so that's conversation, you know, we do better when we have the conversation, they have choice. And I feel like that's kind of sending us into that nice , um, third piece of what are the choices we can allow for and what are the non-negotiables. And we've talked about non-negotiables before. And so why don't we set up that third <inaudible> what's our third recommendation.

Speaker 1 8:12

So our third recommendation is to encourage independence and we strongly believe that at any age, children can show independence that's developmentally appropriate. So for your littles, that is engaging them and choosing a backpack and thinking about the function of their backpack. It's also things like emptying their lunchbox when they get home and helping clean it out and also having them engaged in chores and activities at home that can support them as well as they go through their days as well. So giving them some control and some actionable steps where children can express their likes and their dislikes and their desires and how they want their day to look. I think Stu children and student voice is huge. I think very often we say as adults, oh yes, I'm very particular. I like to do things this way, but them in our children demonstrate the same behavior and voice. We shut it down or we try to make it very universal. And I also very often with my little one, I sometimes will go to school and say, oh , I'm so sorry. Emily really likes to read this book in the morning. Like almost making excuses for her. And I'm really trying to move towards saying, oh no, this is something that she really prefers. And these are the choices that help support her. So encouraging independence. And also if you are working on certain skills at home, whether that is zipping up jackets, whether that is cleaning up after yourself, you can communicate with your child's teacher and say, Hey, at home, we are really working with our child on cleaning up after themselves or zipping their own jacket. I remember when I got first grade, many of my students counted on me to tie their shoes. And I realized that if I continued to tie them that it would never really progress to them wanting to do it. So I would always give a timeline. I would say, listen, for the first two weeks of school, I will help you with your shoes. I will help you with your jackets, but after two weeks, you need to be able to do it because I want you to be able to take care of yourself. And I want you to be able to show me just how good you are at learning new things and learning things that are challenging and hard. Right? We don't do our children favors by doing everything for them . Instead, we're saying, I just do it better than you. So you shouldn't even try. What do you thinking?

Speaker 2 10:57

Yeah , you're no, you're really hitting it there. And I, you know, I've had one very, very important lesson in these 30 years that has stuck with me. I will never forget having a mom in tears. And she had three little boys and she was running herself, ragged doing all of the things, the perfect meal, bathing everyone at night and getting 'em to school and having all the snacks. And I finally said, you can't go on this way and truly they can do let them show you that they can. And so one of the things that we need to make sure that parents, caregivers, friends do for one another is say those things like when they go to school, they have to be able to take care of their needs in the bathroom. Yeah . There is no one going in with them. Please teach your children before they go. Because we, as teachers can't do and you want them to be as comfortable with all of those tasks, you know, opening the banana. I think I was 20 plus years in and I realized the bottom of the banana. You can take it and it opens beautifully. Oh , if you go from the top, you're gonna struggle. But at the bottom, a quick pinch and you peel it towards that heavy end.

Speaker 1 12:41

So when we're done recording, I am going to go get a banana and try that out because I did not know that. And one of the things that very often, we as adults use its executive functioning, right? I, as an adult, you, as an adult, our listeners can make a priority list of what needs to happen in a day. We can organize and we can do things and set ourselves up for success. These skills are not automatic. Our brains are not wired for the level of executive functioning that is required for our children in schools. And we can talk all day, whether some of the things students in our schools are being asked to do, is it developmentally appropriate? But regardless things like organization, keeping your desks, tidy, keeping track of your belongings, keeping track of your permission slip, right? These skills need to be explicitly taught. And I just feel like we as a society, just like , oh yeah, okay , little children . You're gonna figure out how to navigate this big, scary world with all the responsibilities. And we never pause and say, how can I get you there? We only notice when a student is drowning, right. They're drowning. And you'll see, every year the students are drowning in the same tasks. And it took me a long time as a teacher done , I had kiddos with the messiest desks and all I thought was my goodness. I had the worst walk . I just get the messiest students in the school. And I never looking to see why they were drowning. I would just, oh yeah , they're not doing well, not capable.

Speaker 2 14:22

Mm-hmm <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> no, I, I hear you. And I'm just thinking about , um, asking our youngest to do the simplest task, as you did, setting them up for success with tying the shoes and zipping the coat and building on that. So by fourth grade, when you have the big kids, those things were the easy peasy. I'm not thinking about it. And now I can deal with how do I organize my time? How do I organize my planner? Um, but it does, it takes those conversations. It takes the, you know what one person might look like as this epic fail. You know, I hear these words of, oh, that was an epic fail. No. What did they learn along the way? Yeah. You know, is the staple in the paper, in the left hand corner or, you know, what, what could they put together for you? So I , I really think that it's giving our time to the task. It's taking a deep breath and doing it in a way, as you've said so many times before , um, keeping, keeping our frustrations at bay, keeping our time limits at bay. We, we have lots that we want to finish and get done, and we might have a checklist that's a mile long, but not letting them see us sweat and allowing them to problem solve and work through it. And then asking 'em how it felt. Um, I, I think I started by saying , um, we went on a shoe shopping mission Hoda and putting a new pair of shoes on your feet and being excited about these first days of school with school shoes. Yes. Well guess what, I'm not your feet and I don't know how they feel on your feet. And so saying to a child, how does it feel on your body?

Speaker 1 16:37

Yes.

Speaker 2 16:37

You know, is that something that you can wear all day long and sometimes they don't know, you know? Right . And that's okay. Um, but if they have feelings about one shoe over another shoe, then honestly, is it a real big deal? Like put 'em in the shoe, that's gonna be comfortable if, if it's acceptable at the school , um, not worth a fight, right? Because if it's a fight in the store, it's gonna be a fight on the morning OFS <laugh>

Speaker 1 17:06

Exactly. And again, we, as adults have texture issues, there are certain things that I hate wearing just because of the way they feel. And I'm sensitive to that. I am sensitive to many odors or perfumes or things like that. So we as adults allow ourselves to have preferences and this very strong voice, but when children speak and advocate for themselves, either in our classrooms or in our homes, we are so offended. And I just feel like as adults, as caregivers, we should be proud that we are raising and educating children who know how to advocate for themselves in a way that maybe my generation or yours did not speak to adults that way. And I even when I leave like professional development with teachers and I talk about student choice and student voice, and people will say, well, we didn't learn like that. And I said, just because we went through something that was difficult, does not mean we have to make our children and our students experience systems, instructors that are oppressive and deny them their uniqueness and their responsibility. So that's always involve having that conversation with people. And as a parent this morning, my daughter wanted to wear a cowboy hat to school <laugh> and she was kid dressed that I had picked out for her that matched and her shoes matched . And she found a cowboy hat in her dressup box and she wanted to wear it. And I'm like, Nope, you can't wear it. And she said, why mama and I, I was at this four year old and I'm running.

Speaker 2 18:40

You're like, you're right.

Speaker 1 18:41

I need to get to like a different location after I drop her off. And I couldn't really tell her why she couldn't wear her cowboy had to school. So she did end up going to school in it . And I guess after a while , she took it off because she got bored of it. But I think we're so quick to make rules and things for children. I , I , I would encourage our listeners to take this back to school season as an opportunity to really let our children have their voices and amplify them and create spaces in our classrooms and in our homes, in our neighborhoods where kiddos can speak up and say, this is what I actually want. Can you help me?

Speaker 2 19:26

Absolutely. That is the best training of all it truly is. And just in those little choices, we teach them so that when it's a big choice, they have some confidence and they know what it is that they want. So I love that it didn't become a crazy, you know, struggle. Um, my non-negotiable when I was packing two up and getting them because they never came with me to where I was, but I always did drop off was mom's not gonna be late. So I don't care if your shoes are on your feet or not. I'm not going to be late. So you show me how, how we're gonna get this done, cuz you'll get there. Whether the shoes are on your feet or not, don't take the rain coat . If it rains, you will feel the rain. So,

Speaker 1 20:22

And you know, that's perfectly fine to explain to them. The reason we need to move quickly in the morning is because we have multiple places to be. And you know, maybe for your younger kiddos, time is such a hard concept for kids. It's actually a hard concept for many adults, including yours truly, but some stuff is super abstract, right? But being consistent with your messaging instead of just getting frustrated and lashing out, like Jen, your strategy of just saying the same thing every morning, like I cannot be late. We need to go grab your items. There is nothing wrong with that. But if you were to just bottle that up and drive them over frustrated and grumpy, and they are picking up on this energy, that mom is upset with me. Think about how their school day will be. I could

Speaker 2 21:11

Absolutely

Speaker 1 21:12

With my students, if they had a rough time on the bus ride over if drop off was rough for them , because they would walk into the classroom and their energy would be different. And of course, as parents were not perfect, we mess up. But if we just consider the impact of things that occur and how students carry that anxiety and the worry into their school and into their learning, if you are at a 10 and you are nervous and anxious, it's very hard for you to focus on learning. So Jen , I love the direction that this episode took. I really, really do. I think , um, it speaks to something that is near and dear to us, and that is providing tangible tips for families, but also really advocating for children and their voice.

Speaker 2 22:05

Absolutely. And may everyone have a great beginning to the school year? May you find something new and exciting in each and every day ? Um , honor, that it's a change for you as caregiver. And the fact that there is a lot coming at children, they are going to be meeting lots of new agendas and please just give the time that's needed. And if there's some behaviors that are new, allow them to come, we're all gonna bubble over a little bit

Speaker 1 22:47

For sure. Jen , thanks for your time today. We will be back with a new episode very soon. Thank you all for listening. Like Jen said , have an amazing school year and wishing you all the best. Talk to you later.

Speaker 2 23:01

Bye.