Raw & Real Emotion

Join us as we dive into some real & raw conversations about grief and how the journey to Hawaii took an unexpected turn. Through it all, we continue to build trust in intuition. 

Transcript

[00:00] Taylor Wilhelm: The light and love. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Cosmic Connections. We just want to say thank you so much for tuning in and being patient with us on our break. We're so excited to be recording again, and we are just feeling so right about the timing of today's episode.

[00:30] Justin Grava: Yeah. So excited to be back, guys. Hi, Taylor. It's been a little while. It's been a little while. We took quite a time off there, but the last episode, I think you were talking about going to Hawaii, right? Got. Taking some time off, yes.

[00:47] Taylor Wilhelm: Tell me about it. Oh, my goodness. So, yeah, five weeks in Hawaii. I was kind of manifesting that dream to go there and do that and check it out, and boy, did I have a journey.

[01:02] Justin Grava: Wow. Like, that's a strip. I mean, that's not some small, little, hey, let's go to the beach. That is a full blow thing. And so you went for how long?

[01:13] Taylor Wilhelm: Five weeks. So today's episode, y'all, we are going to drop in to the real, to the raw stuff. Justin and I, you know, we haven't been on the podcast, but we've been in contact, and we're going to share a little bit about our journeys and how quickly life can change in just five to six short weeks.

[01:36] Justin Grava: Absolutely. Let's dive in.

[01:38] Taylor Wilhelm: Let's just say so I'm going to start with a little story before Hawaii, my very first time that I was visiting my grandma in a while, I went to her house on August 25 to hang out with her and just have a nice little time before I left for Hawaii. And as I was pulling out of the driveway, I got this intuitive ping that was like, go back in there. You're never going to see your grandma again. And I sometimes struggle with fearing I'll lose those I care about. And so I told my mind that that wasn't true and that I needed to get on with my day. I also came home that evening and wrote her a four page note front and back about healing and just, like, having that hard conversation with her that I felt like something was off, but, you know, talking myself out of it. And then I got super busy and I left the note on my dresser and headed to Hawaii. So from there, about two weeks into my well, I should say, I literally got this download that was like, you're going to get a call about your grandma while you're in Hawaii? And I was like, no, stop. Once again, I ignored the ping, and I did not have the hard conversation. And then in Hawaii, I got a call. I was at a coffee shop, and my parents told me that my grandmother had passed away. And I was absolutely shocked by this because I'm thinking, wow, like she had a heart attack or a stroke or like I knew something was going to happen. And then they told me that she committed suicide at her home. So that was extremely shocking. The most shocking news of my entire life. Especially when you get an intuitive thing like that and you don't listen. And then that is the reality of something that you cannot change or take back is absolutely maddening.

[03:53] Justin Grava: You can hear it in you right now.

[03:56] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah.

[03:56] Justin Grava: You still feeling it?

[03:58] Taylor Wilhelm: Oh, yeah. This is a very we hear you, raw story. So absolutely maddening. I was in Hawaii, and I didn't even think about where I was. I was in a coffee shop and I got outside and I just literally crumbled into a pile and I was screaming. I was screaming like, no, no. Like, no. It's like I was in complete shock and denial that I had just received this information. And my body was like it was like seizing, almost in pain. I didn't even know that I could feel this layer of pain until my body was going through it. So I took on a lot of guilt from this at first, feeling like it was my fault, feeling like I could have stopped it, feeling like I just should have been there more. And I just started you know, your message while I was there really helped me. Just reminding me that no one can stop someone in that headspace and it ultimately comes down to that person. But it was definitely challenging.

[05:19] Justin Grava: Right? And I do remember you said that I was a little overwhelmed. I didn't really know how or what to even say to something like that. Somebody, you know, that's grieving. But it was just one from places. Being there in college and being in such a dark spot, I had everyone around me and people wanting to help. But until you make that decision and you decide that you want to get up from, like, the broken ground that you're on, the more people try to help, the worse it actually gets, because then you almost feel worse because you need help, and then you crumble even more.

[06:05] Taylor Wilhelm: Yes. And I am a huge believer that everything happens for a reason. But when you're put in a situation like that, it's really easy to lose touch with the process of that. Like trusting that everything happens for a reason when something so awful has happened. And so as much as I was like, I can't believe this happened while I'm in Hawaii, while I finally take this break, it was actually a blessing in disguise because I wasn't at home able to mask my emotions with work or friends or CrossFit or whatever it is. I was just literally sitting in an airbnb with no car right next to the beach, because that was my intention to do less while I was there. So, like, just me and nature, you know, and so I was worse to sit with that pain every time it came up. And I would say, it's so easy the way we're trained and with so much stimulation our life to suppress our feelings and suppress our emotions. But I am a huge believer that truly alkalizing our emotions comes from feeling them in your bones. So for the first time in my life, when grief would hit, I would just drop to my knees screaming in my airbnb or cry and shake. And it was like instead of fighting that urge and trying to quiet it, I just let it pass through every single time it came up.

[07:51] Justin Grava: Which is not easy to do.

[07:53] Taylor Wilhelm: No. Terrifying.

[07:56] Justin Grava: Right? And overwhelming a lot of times where you don't want to let it out because of not like fear of thinking of you, but it's just almost like being that open and vulnerable and feeling all of that. You're trained to not you're trained to hide it. Don't show that, don't let that kind of yeah.

[08:21] Taylor Wilhelm: And just distract ourselves from those painful emotions that unfortunately not even unfortunately, it's like that is the duality of life. It's like we have to have sadness to have the happiness. And so it was just the first time. I think. That. You know. The regret of not spending more time with her and getting too busy to send the note and just remembering telling myself in my busy day to day. I was like. Oh. I'll make more time in my work schedule when blank and just seeing that. Having someone be taken away. It's like. What the **** was I waiting for? It was just that shake in my face about like, your life is so busy, at what point do you slow down and see these pings you get and listen to them and just like do less? You know, we're literally trained to do so much to go from one appointment to the next to the next to the next. And it's just so toxic sometimes.

[09:24] Justin Grava: Yeah. The way you said that being trained to go to the next, we were just talking about it beforehand. I'm the king of doing that, of jumping to whatever new thing comes to my head, whatever I can just latch on to, to feel like I'm doing something. And I've done so many countless hours. I mean, there's a job, I know, but like diving into something just so I could be diving into something.

[09:52] Taylor Wilhelm: And it's probably because there's some type of painful emotion that as a young child you learned if I dive into something, I don't have to feel x uncomfortable emotion.

[10:07] Justin Grava: Yeah.

[10:13] Taylor Wilhelm: That's what I was being forced I was being forced to feel due to not having a car and not having my laptop. And it was literally like something was just ripping my heart open and beating it with a hammer. But I felt it. I showed up and I feeling that was insane. And then I started opening up about what I was going through. Right. I would meet a new friend and they say, how are you? And instead of a really, really good practice about being vulnerable because someone would say, how are you? And to be authentic, I would just say I'm actually having a really tough time at my life right now. And some people I would tell, some people I wouldn't. But it was like not just putting on that face and being like, yeah, I'm good. How are you? You know, very successful. Yeah. So I just tapped into that and I met some amazing friends that then so crazy and started inviting me to a lot of ceremonies and dance activities and heart opening ceremonies and things like that and, you know, to go to those events and be held by total strangers and to say, you know, I'm grieving, I'm moving grief through my body today. It was like I literally felt I would feel things releasing from my body and just being open and honest about those feelings was so wild that this is going to sound wild, but I believe, and I would love to know if you do too, but I really believe in ancestral trauma. So like, we share the same DNA with everyone who came before us, right? Our DNA is cape from them. And so that's not only in their DNA, that's also their traumas, their emotions, their feelings, you know.

[12:15] Justin Grava: Right. I definitely believe that. And I think you can see it in from a non motion feeling. But why do people keep repeating the same things that their parents did? Now, it could be upbringing, people could say that, but it's deeper than that. People act certain ways and talk and process things and they either break or.

[12:41] Taylor Wilhelm: Repeat the cycle normally. And so a little side note about my grandmother. She was extremely proper and believed in very proper ways. And she was a single mother who had to work a lot and didn't have a lot of money in her earlier days. So she wasn't able to embrace her sexy, feminine, hitting the town for a night of dancing or, you know, I just don't feel like she really got to unleash that inner wild, if that makes sense.

[13:18] Justin Grava: No, absolutely.

[13:19] Taylor Wilhelm: You know, that creative feminine flow that's in each one of us, I feel like that was very suppressed in her life. And then, you know, reflecting on my father, same thing, like very work and structure oriented, not really super in tune with that creative use time on things that aren't like work or serious stuff. And so seeing that in my own life, how much I've repeated that pattern of like work and no play and not letting my wild free self come out due to fear of judgment, et cetera, I never realized until my grandma passed that that is something ancestral that's probably in my DNA. So then I was at these ceremonies and the way I was releasing and the way that I was dancing was another level. It was like a way that I had never even seen my body move or felt comfortable moving in that way. So once I started reflecting, like, what is happening? Because these events, they were sober events. So for my body to reach that and come to that point completely sober was a new experience for me. I was like, what is going on here? And I truly, truly feel like when my grandmother passed, some ancestral trauma or something was released and I was able to transmute and rebirth that through these experiences of something so awful.

[15:04] Justin Grava: Something beautiful came from that horrible kind of thing.

[15:10] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah. And I have never experienced anything like that. Right. I was like, whoa, this is seriously happening. I felt a shift in my physical being.

[15:23] Justin Grava: And so what type of ways did you feel that shift?

[15:27] Taylor Wilhelm: The way that I was stepping into my authenticity, letting myself move in a group of people without any judgment, letting myself cry and grieve and letting my body just drop to my knees. It was like, yeah, just more free.

[15:49] Justin Grava: Love that word. And I think that a lot of people are searching for that freedom, whatever it is, the way their freedom is. But it's that freedom to be authentically themselves without fear.

[16:04] Taylor Wilhelm: And I was free to move my body without being judged, and I was free to express my emotion without a fear of being judged. It was like that inner wild. I was held in the hands of people who were also embracing that about themselves. So there was no judgment.

[16:24] Justin Grava: That's so cool. You don't feel like there's not many situations where you feel that way in normal life right now, like, in the way things are set up, token, everything.

[16:38] Taylor Wilhelm: It made me it was so healing. And also at the same time, like, whoa, am I seriously experiencing an ancestral wound being repaired? Because another pattern that I had kind of mentioned to you earlier was that my whole life, my mother's mother committed suicide as well before when my mom was really little and we didn't know my mom then. And so it's always been this thing in my family that we've always felt really sorry and sad about but we've never actually understood. And now after 30 years, my dad and mother can talk about and share the same trauma of their mothers leaving them and committing suicide. And that is like, kind of a total repeated pattern. And then my grandfather passed away three weeks before I was born. And now my mother carried a sadness that he never met me. And now my grandmother passed away a month before my sister was going to have my grandmother's first great grandchild. So it's just such a weird observation to make.

[18:00] Justin Grava: Wow.

[18:02] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah.

[18:02] Justin Grava: It is crazy when you start to dive in and actually take the time to ask your parents and stuff about things they dealt with and the different things. Like my family, my dad passed away when I was six months old and never really got to know me. I know that's my death and traumatized by that. And it was from alcohol. His mom died when he was 16 from alcohol. They both got divorced. Then it was like my mom's, mom and dad divorced, her parents'family divorced, the divorce. Alcohol basically not dealing with emotions and not dealing with things and going straight to drinking or some other way. I found myself doing it the same exact thing. And my dad did it. But he's now pulled away from it so much to a degree where he doesn't even have fun because he's scared to drink and scared doing anything wrong because he's already gotten divorced and watched how it broke up.

[19:09] Taylor Wilhelm: And now you're here breaking the pattern.

[19:13] Justin Grava: Right.

[19:13] Taylor Wilhelm: By having the hard conversations and changing the story. And that's what we're both doing.

[19:20] Justin Grava: Absolutely.

[19:22] Taylor Wilhelm: We hope to inspire others to do as well. Like, changing the story is hard as hell.

[19:28] Justin Grava: Right. Because it is so easy to just fall back into that same path. So, like, how do this? It's like that thought, do you change it? What is it that you do?

[19:44] Taylor Wilhelm: I think it's that you live authentically and openly since my grandmother's passing. It's been such a blessing at the same time because it's not a blessing at all and my sadness and stuff. But I see now what the purpose might have been. And it's like my family is having to have the hard conversations about grief and we're having to say when we're not okay and like, breaking down some of those walls that we might have put up. It's allowed me to step authentically in, to tell my parents how I'm grieving because we all grieve so differently. My dad was experiencing anger where I'm not angry, I'm just experiencing sadness that a soul in my family was so sad and I was so close, but so far away at the same time.

[20:37] Justin Grava: Right.

[20:40] Taylor Wilhelm: Sorry, go ahead.

[20:41] Justin Grava: Oh, no, I was just going to continue on. You're in the flow.

[20:45] Taylor Wilhelm: Okay, well, where I was going with that about my parents, like, for example, I'm very spiritual and it's something that I love. And I wouldn't say that me and my parents or grandmother necessarily connected on that level. And so I often refrain from, like, saying the events I would go to or, you know, saying, like, what I do believe in and those sorts of things in fear of being rejected or judged. And so on Halloween I went to have you ever heard of Sawin?

[21:19] Justin Grava: I didn't have that.

[21:21] Taylor Wilhelm: So SAWEN is the original holiday of what we made, Halloween. And it's that transition that day to honor those who have passed away and are transitioning in those lives that are no longer here. And in a lot of places, you know, they put altars up of their loved ones in their front yards, and everybody dances and celebrates and has a good time. And so I really wanted to do something extremely meaningful. So this is kind of a long story today, but basically I canceled a trip to Arizona because I felt like it was a suppression method. So I had a trip to Arizona where I was going to go and be on yachts for a few days with my friends, like, partying. And the old me would have jumped all over that. I drove all the way to the airport and then I was like, Taylor, why are you going to Arizona? Like, you're probably going to have to deal with this pain when you get back, so why don't you just sit here this weekend and deal with it? And what made me start to question it was that I got an email about this Stalin circle and I was like, wow, like, I really would love to spend my Halloween so intentionally. So I show up at the Stalin circle, I have no idea what to expect. They have this beautiful altar in the woods set up where people can go and place something on and honor their loved ones. They had a giant fire where we all sat around the fire and we put notes to our loved ones and everybody ecstatic dance and, like, move the energy around and, you know, everyone was total strangers there. So to go do this in a space of strangers, it's kind of an interesting picture, right?

[23:03] Justin Grava: Right.

[23:04] Taylor Wilhelm: So I'm there and I'm really making this about my grandmother. I'm just, like, riding to her and I'm opening my heart and moving my body. And we also celebrated. There is 1000 unclaimed bodies from this past year. And it's like we all took a moment as a community to honor those 1000 bodies that no one has celebrated and seen that are unclaimed. How sad is that? That 1000 souls have left this planet and they're unclaimed. So it was just so special to be doing something that intentional. And I was just so grateful. And so, you know, the whole night's about sitting around the fire, and then I get in the car to leave the event, and in the car this random song comes on by, like, 500, like, songs. I just click shuffle. The first song that comes on is called Sit around the Fire by Rom Dots. And I was like, this is so synchronistic that I'm leaving. The whole event was about a fire. And like, the first song that comes on is Sit Around the Fire. And I'll send it to you after this. But that whole song is about transitioning and how, like, the transition of just a spirit and being from a physical body to just, like, transitioning. And so it goes onto a part in the song that talks about how all of the lights in our heart are an ember. And it talks about how, you know, it's important that we fan that ember and we cherish it and then it goes on to talk about how that's what you and I are here to learn is the ember, and that's what you and I are here to celebrate. And if anyone listens to the song, please message me, because it basically says the word ember five to six times, and that is the name of my sister's baby. Yeah. So I immediately start bawling my eyes out in the car because I'm like, what in the actual bananas is going on here? So I get home, and I was feeling this weird energy. Like, I was literally feeling like my grandma was in my house, and I was like, I don't know how to explain this to anyone. I felt like her spirit was here. And so that's not something you really text your family and say, like, hey, I think Grandma's in my house.

[25:40] Justin Grava: Right? People think you're crazy.

[25:43] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah. So I don't tell anyone, and I'm like, okay, I'm going to hire I'm going to find a medium. So I have a friend who's a psychic medium, and they came over and they asked me some questions to determine if it was my grandma. And they got all the questions right that they asked me. And then the first thing they said, and keep in mind, like, they weren't at the saw an event. They don't know about the story I just told you. And they literally the first thing they said was, your grandma wants you to know that the fire in her heart had just gone out on the physical plane and that life is a cycle. There's no need to worry. She's at peace now. And that she sent me a song last week about fire. And the lady was like, you know, that song is her speaking to you. And that was absolutely mind boggling.

[26:55] Justin Grava: Wow. Yeah. So many symphonies.

[27:02] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah. It's been so long since I've learned this information, and I still like, I know that it happened and is true, but I'm still having trouble processing that. Like, literally, my grandmother sent me a song, and someone else was like, yeah, she sent you a song about fire. It's her talking. It's how she feels now. And when you hear the song, it's the most peaceful song ever, and it's so beautiful. But it's, like, such a weird thing to process on this plane.

[27:32] Justin Grava: Absolutely. The thought that not only is that possible, like, somebody that passed on is pushing a song to you. Like, that concept is crazy in that within your house, if you take it, it's not being crazy. It's like, yeah, beautiful.

[27:53] Taylor Wilhelm: And it left me with these really interesting, open conversations that I haven't ever been able to have. Right. So my parents are like, how are you? How's everything going? And I'm like, Well, I actually found a little bit of peace. And they're like, well, how? And I'm like, Well, I felt like Grandma was in my house, so I had a psychic medium come over and tell me about it. And my parents are like, you did what? But instead of hiding this, I'm just like, yeah, this is what I did. I say it with confidence. And I was able to share this beautiful song with them. And whether or not they believe me or not, it's the principle that before my grandma passed, I never would have had the authenticity or the strength to tell my parents something like, yeah, I had a medium come over and read the energy of my home.

[28:46] Justin Grava: Because you can even tell. Like, you can see it in the way as you're talking and the emotion you feel so much for you with your words and how you're speaking. You're not covering anything.

[28:59] Taylor Wilhelm: No, because it's like, right. My grandma, something was going on under the surface, and it was a secret. And it's like we weren't fully being transparent with how we were feeling. Something unleashed in me to just be so free and so open and so another crazy synchronicity. My dad, who's now heard that I have a medium, and he's trying to be supportive of his daughter, but he's also, like, not used to hearing these things at all. He calls me, and he's like, I need to tell you something. I'm like, what's up? He tells me that he saw this commercial on the TV a few times, and it's this family singing in the car, having a great time. And he basically gets sad when he sees the commercial because he didn't have a phone when he was younger. And my grandma loves singing, and so the commercial reminds him that he doesn't have any videos or proof of my grandmother's singing. So even my dad and I talking on that level about our emotions is a pretty huge step, which we never would have done before. And so, you know, him telling me this is really cool. So he's telling me the story, and he's like, yeah, I had to stop watching a commercial. He's like, and then the weirdest thing happened. I went to clean out your grandma's car to sell it, and she installed her crash camera backwards, and I found all these videos of her jamming in the car over the years.

[30:23] Justin Grava: No way.

[30:25] Taylor Wilhelm: Yes.

[30:26] Justin Grava: Wait, that's actually the most amazing thing I've heard.

[30:29] Taylor Wilhelm: Yes. And he was like, can you believe that? And I was like, Well, Dad, I think this is a what is it? And I'm like, Everyone is having their own little moment. And it's just like, what are the odds of that? He goes to clean the car, he finds this little camera, and he's like, oh, it looks like there's a memory card in here. My dad, being the tech savvy Aquarius that he is, he pops out that memory disk, and now everyone in my family has a Google Drive of, like, 15 videos of my grandma singing.

[31:05] Justin Grava: That is so beautiful. Like, truly. That is so cool, then it's the one thing he needed for his grief. Like, the one thing he's like, I wouldn't give anything to be able to have this video.

[31:20] Taylor Wilhelm: Yes. And then my aunt, she was like, your grandmother visited me in the clouds today, and she sent me a picture of the clouds, and she's like, what do you see? And literally, it's this in the clouds. It's like, this mother holding a child. And it's, like, so crazy that she sent me a picture. And I immediately was like, oh, that's a mom holding a baby. And she was like, Right. I wanted to make sure I was, like, seeing that because she had just asked for a sign.

[31:51] Justin Grava: Amazing.

[31:57] Taylor Wilhelm: And then my sister I was asking for a sign as well. And my sister is so weird, but I was feeling like my sister was having a bunch of dreams, and I was kind of jealous. Why am I not having dreams? She's here. And I was like, Graham, can you come in my dreams? And then the very next day, my sister calls me, and she's like, hey. She's like, last night in my dream, graham was wearing her jeans and her orange sweater, and she asked me to tell you guys that she's still here and everything. Life is cyclical, and she's not in pain anymore. And it's like, I asked for a sign, and she literally talked to my sister to talk to me.

[32:44] Justin Grava: That's amazing. Stuff that normal society taught. Like, that's not real. That's not possible. It's just coincidences or whatever. Except you're giving the story. How many coincidences can it happen? So many times that just it begins you're like, this has really happened.

[33:09] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah. Where I've gone in a few bars, and, like, Alan Jackson is playing, which is so random. And, like, Alan Jackson was her all time favorite position. So it's like these small teams where I'm like, wow, this is so crazy, and just my grandma. I've had two experiences with this grief because on one side of the scenario is my human self that's like, how could you do this to us? And then, you know, my soul self is like, Taylor, listen to the note. You know, and it's like the note she wrote us, it literally says, I'm so sorry. I can't live like this anymore. You know, don't blame yourself for anyone else. I've had a good life. I am so tired. I love you guys so much. You've brought me so much joy. And it's like my soul self hears that, and it's like, oh. She's literally saying, hey, I'm tired, and I love you guys. Please just, like, go be happy. And it's this weird dance that my body and mind are doing right now.

[34:27] Justin Grava: Trying to feel it to the emotion, but then also take that time and moments, like you said, hear the notes, see the beautiful little things, and see what light is coming from this dark moment. Kind. Of idea.

[34:45] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah. And it just has been such a fierce reminder to slow down, take the visit, to see that family member, take the day off schedule those phone calls, because we truly do take for granted that our loved ones are so available and so reachable. And I think that was the most challenging part of this is like, for 28 years of my life, this woman has been my safe place. My place I could be authentic, the place I knew I could go if I ran out of money, if I didn't have food, that was it. So for her, my best friend, to leave without saying goodbye and so unexpected put me in a really big shock of abandonment.

[35:36] Justin Grava: Right. Abandonment is one of the deepest holes on people that fear the band of it drives so many people's entire life, decisions and what they do.

[35:50] Taylor Wilhelm: And I had to, like, stare myself in the face, you know, instead of running and hiding, it was like, it's you and you now let's lean on friends, say how you're really doing, like, make changes in your ******* schedule to slow the hell down and appreciate those people that you might be taking for granted.

[36:12] Justin Grava: Right? And it was kind of crazy after hearing that from you. I was in the middle of my own process these last few weeks where I was dating this girl, we were working towards possibly getting married. I was trying to basically fit myself into this box and figure out in this certain way this person trying to force everything to be it was me taking the time and realizing that I had this deep internal realization like, this isn't me. I don't know what me is. I don't know where that is. But it was like, this isn't it. And there's inner voice telling me, having made one of the hardest decisions ever and let her go, let her go find that one. Because it's just I knew it wasn't right, but it was crazy because then after that, I started letting that go, and it's like, where do I want to go and what do I want to be? And so at the time, I had no idea where I was going to go up until two days ago, I had two weeks on my lease. I didn't know where I was moving, I didn't know what I was going to do. But I wasn't scared for the first time.

[37:32] Taylor Wilhelm: It was just and you finally leaned into your intuition. It's like you leaned into your intuition about that relationship and came to face those fears of, like, ****. And so I just find it so interesting that we were both going through a death of our own in such separate ways. And I feel like I was able to help you through processing that because I've experienced it. And then you are able to help me process the guilt and the blame I was taking about my grandma right.

[38:10] Justin Grava: And without either of us being open enough to share that we're struggling, we would have never known. If you hadn't shared with me, then I could be there to support the way in the same way with you, like being open and sharing with friends or family. Like, it led to that. For the first time, I feel like I've been starting to talk to my mom and dad so much more beyond just, how are you? How school? How's life? Who is my mom? What does she love to do? I was at home and I sat for multiple days. Me and my mom just talked for hours. And I just like, we haven't got to do that because we move so fast for so long. It's been crazy to finally start to hear them and understand them and hear about the things that my dad used to struggle with. Someone saying it's been an amazing but really hard time of processing and feeling all that, but it's leading to me being so much more involved and in touch with my people.

[39:16] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah, it's an invitation for you guys to just lean into that vulnerability with those you love and those that you connect with, because there's so much beauty in feeling our feelings and literally letting them move through our body without keeping them within. Because, you know, that is an energetic block when we suppress and keep them locked away.

[39:44] Justin Grava: And then by doing that, you're locking away parts of yourself, which just makes it infinitely worse. Not only you're not dealing with the pain and the emotion, whatever it is, then you're afraid to share it with people even though one close to you. And that's like the biggest that's the hardest thing in the world.

[40:06] Taylor Wilhelm: In fear of judgment.

[40:08] Justin Grava: Right?

[40:09] Taylor Wilhelm: In fear of judgment. And so, for me, something that I really do is just like, if I can truly walk around not judging others or being how they are, then that is what I will receive in return. So anytime we are feeling judged, let's turn that mirror on ourselves and look at where are we judging other people?

[40:34] Justin Grava: Right? And I know I used to do this when I was at my lowest points. I was the most judgmental about everyone. Everyone I saw. Oh, that's a weird hairstyle. Why would you wear those shorts? She talks funny. Never would say it to people, but it was constantly in my head, which then in return, I would do to myself worse than anybody. And it was the hardest habit to break. And so I think that is something where to stop judging yourself, you have to stop judging others first.

[41:06] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah. And remembering that everything is a mirror. So just taking full ownership and full responsibility, and that's kind of our intention with today's episode, instead of carrying it forward with our subconscious work we've been doing and just taking a pause to let you guys know, like, hey, I went through a death while I was in Hawaii. And hey, Justin went through a breakup and a death of his own. And, like, we're just wanting to show up in those deaths and be authentic in our grief and that this is a raw and real episode. And we really want to take you guys on a journey. We have a big mission and we're building something so cool that we'll tell you about one day. And it's just like those people that are going to come on that journey with us, we really want them to know who we truly are. So sometimes we might pop in here with a little life update instead of whatever our other podcasts are, but it's all in love.

[42:10] Justin Grava: All in love and being open and genuine. It's not all light and fun and giggles all the time. A lot of the times with us it is, but it's being open to that and being open about the struggles and stuff we're going through and because everybody and that's another thing if you're judging someone, everybody's going through something. Everybody has something beat going on in their life that they're not telling you about. And to know that and just almost intrinsically be like, I love you and I want to send my love for what you're going through, even though I have no idea. Living that way changes everything about how you are.

[42:55] Taylor Wilhelm: Yes. And my favorite prayer as we close out today is you can say this about anyone, but say it. You know, I always put my hands on my heart and I say it's a Hawaiian prayer. It's Grandma, I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you. And you can say that with anyone's name as many times as you need to. I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you. And it's such a healing prayer. And when we speak something, that energy energetically goes out. Right? That is energy. Like, if we clear intention, heartfelt, emotion, if those two things are there, you don't have to say it directly to that person's face. You can say it to them energetically.

[43:54] Justin Grava: Yeah. That's amazing that I've been doing lately, because one of the things that I've been struggling with is this, like, indecision about what I'm supposed to do, what's the right thing? And I get stuck because I can't decide because of the fear that I'm doing the wrong thing. And I saw this picture on his screen somewhere, and it was this bonus, and I faced it every day. And every time I'm starting to get, like, started. We're going to go every day in every way, I am getting closer and closer to my authentic self or my higher self. And it was just like you repeat it over and over. Every time I do, I get goosebumps down my whole body. It's just like I'm reminding that voice in my head to stop worrying and that everything's happening for a reason. And even the bad things, even the pain like we've seen from today from Taylor's story, even when bad things happen and it might seem like it was the wrong decision or something happened, right? It's what you be ready to see what comes out of that. And there's a reason there's something you had to learn, something you had to grow from.

[45:11] Taylor Wilhelm: Everything happens for you. Not to you.

[45:17] Justin Grava: Oh, that's new.

[45:19] Taylor Wilhelm: Yes.

[45:20] Justin Grava: Hey.

[45:21] Taylor Wilhelm: Yeah. Nice to be back at it.

[45:24] Justin Grava: I know this is fun, and I'm so excited to really dive into this and start being consistent and really start to put a lot of the best stuff down and really connect with you guys and really start sharing a lot of amazing things that we want to share.

[45:41] Taylor Wilhelm: Thank you guys so much for tuning in today. We love to hear from you, and we will see you soon. Bye.