The Life Challenges Podcast
Modern-day issues from a Biblical perspective.
The Life Challenges Podcast
A Journey From Silence to Healing After Abortion
We sit with Sheila Luck to hear how a 1975 abortion, years of silence, and a risky prayer to “be God’s employee” turned regret into purpose, writing, and open‑handed service. The talk invites churches and families to become safe places where honesty and healing take root.
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Sheila's website: https://www.sheilaluck.com/
The ministry of Christian Life Resources promotes the sanctity of life and reaches hearts with the Gospel. We invite you to learn more about the work we're doing: https://christianliferesources.com/
On today's episode, I was compelled to pray, and I'm praying, and and I'm saying God, I don't know what a servanthood really means. I don't know what a servant of yours really is. I don't even like the word servant, but I know what an employee is. And I want to be your employee. And then I told my sister the next day, I don't know what compelled her to pray this, but I made that, I said that prayer. And she started laughing. And I was like, what are you laughing about? And and she says, oh, you have no idea what you just did. She said she was further along in her paid walk than I. And and uh she goes, God takes prayer like that very seriously. Your life is going to change drastically. And she was right.
SPEAKER_00:Welcome to the Life Challenge Podcast with Christian Life Resources. Our world today presents people with complicated issues of life and death, marriage and family, health, and science. It can be a struggle to understand the deal with it. We're here to help by bringing good information and a fresh biblical perspective to feed matters and more. Join us now for Life Challenge.
SPEAKER_03:Hi, and welcome back. I'm Christopher Tritz, and I'm here today with Pastor Bob Fleischman, and we have a special guest with us today. We have Sheila Luck joining us. Welcome, Sheila.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you for having me today. I'm excited to be here.
SPEAKER_03:Some of you might recognize too. Sheila was at this year national conference for Christian Life Resources. And at that conference, you told your story, and we're gonna uh talk about that today too, and then just kind of see where the conversation takes us with that. Sheila, do you want to start by telling us a little bit uh about yourself and um and maybe kind of telling us, you know, what we'll be talking about today too?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, where to start? You know, I'm 67 years old, so there's a lot of stories, so I'll try to keep it brief. Your basic resume introduction, you might say, would be that I, you know, I went to college and and after college I worked as a engineer for a little bit for IBM, and after that I went to law school, and then I worked for Exxon for close to 10 years, not quite. During that time we had our children, two daughters, and I was I got married actually while I was still in law school, and after our daughters were born, here's a silly story about how I ended up on this path, I guess. They were born, and and I was I read obituaries and I don't know why, but I'm reading the obituary, and and I look at my husband, the daughter, our daughters were little, and I said, you know, this woman, if you can't find anything better to say in my obituary, if I go first than what's in hers, don't say anything at all. Just give dates. That's all you can say. And he said, with a twinkle in his eye, he said, Well, maybe you'll have to do something w obituary worthy, and then I'll have something to say. And then I really think that was the start of God kind of calling me to do something different than what I was doing. I was working as an attorney for Exxon, and and uh a little bit later in 1994, my stepfather died, and my my mother was giving us things uh of his, and she said, Would you like this? Would you like that? And I kept thinking, but it's it's just all old used stuff. And I was confused by that and and didn't know what to do. And and all of a sudden I realized I'm working so hard, missing time with our children. Maybe we need to change your lifestyle because I'm doing all this to buy stuff that becomes old used stuff the very next day after I bring it home. So that's kind of the beginning of of how I ended up on this path. I did I didn't choose to leave work at that time, but we did move back to Wisconsin closer to family. We made some lifestyle changes, and ultimately, after a long time and arguing with God, he had me quit full-time employment. And but those there was a lot of story in between there. So that's it. So now I'm here today, and I've I've got six books that are published. Uh, they all relate to my poor choices when I was age 17. Made a lot of mistakes. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways, and I found myself pregnant and then had to deal with that issue.
SPEAKER_03:Well, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it. And it is always just so interesting to see I I mean, we have done this, you know, podcast now for a while and having guests on and just seeing how God uses little things in our life to maybe create these big moments or change and just you know, your husband saying these things to you and your family and just that type of thing. You know, when we had you on for the or at the conference too, um, yes, I mean, you know, you were there to share your story about what happened when you had gotten pregnant and stuff too. Um, and you just mentioned now that you were 17 years old. So I'm guessing this was like in the 70s, right? Am I yes, it was it was 1975. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Okay so uh just a couple years after Roe v. Wade was decided, I didn't even know, you know, I made the wrong choice and I I chose abortion and and there's a lot of story around that and how that was chosen. But at the time, uh even though I was a senior in high school, I didn't even know what abortion was. I had no idea. So when the doctor tried to explain it to me, I had no idea that he wasn't telling me the right story.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I think too if you can tell us a little bit about what you what your background was like and what maybe like your your church and family life and just different things looked like when you were seventeen and and found yourself pregnant.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I I mentioned briefly that I was looking for love in all the wrong places, but why was that, right? I think it goes all the way back to when I was nine years old and my father died unexpectedly, and our lives just changed when from this comfortable family life. We went to church every week and my dad was a uh a strong, faithful man. Then my mother remarried about a year and a half later, and then we moved to his town and lived in his house with his uh two of his four children. The others were grown. I was the youngest of all of them, and without going into a lot of details about that house, it was I call it a blended family gone wrong. It it wasn't a healthy place, it wasn't a place that I was safe in. And uh when your mother gives you instructions that if you're ever home alone and this person shows up, leave the house and go somewhere else. I mean, so so you find yourself wanting stability, wanting safety, wanting security, and you look for love in all the wrong places. I believed at the time, like, oh, if I could just have a boyfriend, he would solve everything. Like right. But but that's what I believe. Yeah, exactly. And then our, you know, and and what was the support system, you know, as far as friends, we had no conversations about what a healthy, healthy male-female relationship was like. And my my mother, in the probably very typical parenting style of the day, you know, they didn't have resources like they have now. She would just tell me, don't ever get pregnant.
SPEAKER_01:Well well, how just just decreeing it didn't always work for her to just say it.
SPEAKER_02:Just to say it. I I I could have benefited from a little more instruction, whether it was church or oh covering socials social issues and uh or my friends talking about just talking about, oh don't believe him when he says that. Who knows what the friends might have said if we had only talked about these things. So I didn't really have a support structure. We belonged to a teeny tiny church uh at the time, and there was no youth group. It was a Lutheran church, and our confirmation class for a while just had two of us, so if one was missing, it was really private lessons. Which was fine, but kids are social animals and we we want other teenagers there.
SPEAKER_01:Or as when it comes to confirmation class, misery loves company.
SPEAKER_03:When you found yourself pregnant too, did you tell anyone? Did you talk to your mom or any friends at all about it?
SPEAKER_02:No, no, I was I I left the doctor's office, you know, in the doctor's office back then you they had home pregnancy tests and I and they weren't always reliable, but I had taken one, so I already believed I was pregnant, but you didn't want to believe that. So at the doctor's office he he gave me a brochure about abortion and uh and after and he described abortion by the way as they will do this procedure up until your twelve weeks, and and that's okay because that's when your body is forming a nest. And so they're just removing the nest, and so the baby is unable to grow. And it's like I didn't know any different. But I left the doctor's office, and and if you hear my the thoughts of my sobbing that took place in the car afterwards, you'll see no wonder she didn't tell anyone. Because it was like, what will I what will I do? I I think I'll lose my home. I won't be able to live at home, and I work part-time at the restaurant, but that doesn't make enough money. I can barely buy my own clothes, and I don't have enough money to go live somewhere else. What what'll I do? Oh, oh, I had big thoughts. I'm gonna graduate from high school early, and I actually had things lined up at college to go on to college in so in January. I could go to college. I had the dorm room reserved, that's already been paid for. I'll have a place to live. The baby's not due till May. I can do this, I can I can do this. No, I can't do it. How do you live in the dorm if you're pregnant? The thoughts were racing as fast as you can imagine.
SPEAKER_03:And you were just having thoughts to yourself. To myself, just in the car.
SPEAKER_02:Uh-huh. And uh, can I tell my friends? I can't tell my friends. Their mothers won't let me be my friends anymore. I'll lose all my friends. And then there was the gossip in town. There was Mrs. G. She was my one of my friends' moms, and and she we were riding in the car and we saw Elizabeth who was out of high school, but she was pregnant and she was on Main Street in the town, and and Mrs. G, she couldn't say anything nice, nothing nice at all about Elizabeth. And I I thought, oh, she'll be talking about me that way. Everyone will be talking about me that way. And well, maybe I can tell my family, my my mom I can't tell my mom. I'm sure I'll be kicked out of the house. What if I tell one of my siblings? But they're off at school. I'm I'm the only one living in the house. I wasn't allowed to make long distance calls, so how could I tell them? And oh, they're gonna just say I'm so stupid. Like how could I be so dumb? I ha I have nowhere to turn. I have no one to talk to. I just sobbed and sobbed in the car. And it was a borrowed car because I couldn't let my mom know how to that I needed to go to the doctor's office. And I'm thinking, I gotta get back to school. And I looked at the brochure in my lap and I thought, there's gotta be a way. I gotta fix this somehow. But I can't tell anybody.
SPEAKER_01:How did the uh was the boyfriend told? Did you tell me?
SPEAKER_02:No. No, he was doctor asked the same question. Will he marry you? No, I fell for his line and we weren't together. We were never together.
SPEAKER_03:So you weren't together at all?
SPEAKER_02:At all. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:At all. So he didn't I didn't tell him. He's deceased now, there's no way to tell him now.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, so you you really told no one. I told you the decision completely on your own and then went and had the abortion done.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I ultimately needed someone to drive me. So I ultimately told someone I had to go out of state because Wisconsin at that time, that particular abortion clinic with that brochure required parental consent, and I couldn't tell my mother. I didn't believe I could. And uh I did tell one person and I and I never disclose who that is uh because that's not my story to tell. That's that person's story if they ever should choose to. So that person uh took me, you know, I had to leave the state, and that person lived in the other state. And uh I went there, visited, and then I was taken to the abortion clinic. And you know, it turned into a terrible I didn't realize abortion, and so the the after effects were bad. Yeah, I initially had uh a sense of relief, but when I got in the car, the first indication that something was wrong here was when I got in the car immediately afterwards. I wanted to tell this person uh what happened in the clinic. And and the answer was I never wanted to hear about it. I never wanted to talk about it.
SPEAKER_03:Was the the person who drove you said that to you? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And all I could think of is well what's what's wrong? It was legal. It has to be okay if it's legal. What's wrong? But that was the first indication to me that something was wrong about this choice.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Well, and I mean, you know, you didn't want to tell anyone either, too, right? Like you didn't share with your mom and stuff too. So there was probably like, you know, this the stigma we would maybe say around it.
SPEAKER_02:A huge stigma around being pregnant.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So I'm trying to hide the fact that I foolishly got pregnant and not yet knowing that later I'd actually be hiding the fact that I chose an abortion.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah, you make a lot of poor choices.
SPEAKER_01:You said something that uh that I've been doing a lot of thinking about over the last few years, and that is that the way Mrs. G talked about the pregnant lady on the street and so forth. I I've often, you know, when I've presented around the country, I've often told people that it's amazing with the conversation around the dinner table, uh, how that forms attitudes later on. And I you know, like I and I've talked about it in the in the arena of elder care. I'll say, you know, when somebody says, well, somebody's gotta go over and old grandpa's yard, and you guys argue about it, and grandpa happens to be there, don't be surprised if grandpa begins to feel like a burden. In other words, you're you're thinking very in a very tunnel way about how this affects other people. So I'm sure when Mrs. G was talking that way, she never gave a moment's thought that that there might be a uh a girl in the car who's who's going to it's going to uh create in this implanted memory that someday she might be that pregnant woman and she doesn't want people to see her that way or talk that way.
SPEAKER_02:When you say that, I I I wonder all the time that exact question. You know, what if Mrs. G had said something, oh, that's Elizabeth. I wonder if she has help. I should call her mother, see if there's anything I can do. A comment like that, just think that might have given me when I found myself in the boat, it might have given me, I wonder if I can talk to Mrs. G. Mm-hmm. I don't know if it would have. Yeah. Because I certainly felt like I couldn't, but it might have helped. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It was a peculiar time. I I'm first of all, you and I are only like a year difference. I graduated from high school in 74.
SPEAKER_03:Bob just looks older. Yeah. It feels older.
SPEAKER_01:But I grew up in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, and uh I remember uh abortion became legalized in 73 when I was a junior. And I remember hearing that a confirmation classmate of mine was taken down to uh Illinois uh to have an abortion, and we never thought anything of it because we didn't know what it was. We weren't we weren't talking about it in school, we weren't it was not a topic at all coming up in church, and we were just um we had had a pastoral change uh at that time. So uh it just nothing. I mean, we uh it was a non-issue. It wasn't until I was in college in 1976, was the first time I heard about it. And then it was like you've got to be kidding me. Is this really what it is? Because I never I never knew. But growing up in Lake Geneva, the 70s, the kind of things that we were talking about is I remember being in a public sex ed class and kind of being almost groomed to be accepting of the homosexual lifestyle because that was a big deal. Sexual freedom was a big deal and that kind of stuff. So it was a lot of different standards, a lot of kind of a a very strong shifting time in our environment.
SPEAKER_02:That's an interesting comment because it was. It was kind of during the sexual revolution and uh free love and coming off the hippie time frame, the Woodstock concert, and and I r also remember those things. So when you're looking for love in all the wrong places, you remember seeing things on television and the the cover of the Woodstock album that was at our house. And uh you're hearing about free love and the songs, like if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. And it's so the culture for that age group was very free and promoting freedom. And and so sometimes some people will tell me, Well, you were too hard on yourself on the concept of why you might have looked for love in all the wrong places. But maybe if I had a stronger relationship with God at the time, I mean we were churchgoers forever, you know, right from baby on. And but somehow I missed the boat a little bit, a lot, you might say. I knew of God and believed in God, but I didn't have the relationship.
SPEAKER_01:Just out of curiosity, what would you have liked the church to have said and done?
SPEAKER_02:I don't know that it would have done it for me, but I didn't know it was taking their the baby's life yet, based on what the doctor said. But uh it seems to me now I see churches doing things like uh ours has the information very obviously in the uh entryway, you might say. the church. There's a long hallway. And along that hallway is all kinds of information about Agape Help Center, which is uh the pregnant local pregnancy center. And and so that would indicate that maybe maybe there's someone at this church that uh is supportive of this. Although I've had questions by someone on occasion uh well why is that here? That's got nothing to do with God. Some older people and it's like well it it's all about loving others. You know and it is it it really is and and that it is an indication that we're here to help. But it would also other things I think churches could do that would have made it feel like a safe place for me to go, maybe, even if it didn't teach even if I missed the boat and still made my mistakes as far as getting pregnant, maybe I would have had some sources to go to. You know, if we had talked about how the Bible, you know, in youth group type or Sunday school or whatever, how the Bible applies to social issues. How do you interpret this when when you're facing this and and what is the answer and how do you work through those issues? I think churches do a better job about that now, but I at that age I'm not sure I really listened to the sermons. So it needs to be more in a private situation with classes or small group sessions, youth groups, something like that, I think you need to sense it as a safe place. Do people in the church you know I'll have people tell me oh yes well well we'll be there for someone does she know that right does anyone no matter their age when they're in trouble know who to go to at the church? Pastors are always a choice but a teenager is not inclined in most cases to go to the pastor unless they've div managed to develop a good youth program where they feel that that's a safe place to go. I mean there you hear of some churches now having baby showers for the women that are pregnant regardless of their circumstances. So they may be married, they may not be married they may be divorced who who knows but you have a baby shower. If you s the more you see happening of the church loving others like we're supposed to do uh and uh I think the more you see that as someone who might be inclined to make some of the wrong choices, they're going to find that as a safe place to go. They will ultimately know say they organize those or that one that's the person who works with the pregnancy center. They maybe that's a safe place to go. And even I wouldn't have actually we didn't have pregnancy centers back then at least no none that I knew of and I probably wouldn't have gone out of fear like if what is that place?
SPEAKER_01:Or that somebody might see you.
SPEAKER_02:They're gonna see my car there. So pregnancy centers if they if they work with the church or whatever method they want to use if if they make their doors open for other reasons maybe they have a teen night that's that the church sponsors at the pregnancy center. And most pregnancy centers have limited hours because they're relying on volunteers how many young adults or teenagers can get to the pregnancy before 3 p.m on Monday through Thursday? When are they going to get there and then is someone going to see them I I know that some of them there are a few it's not many will have like a a cookie time after school hours on one day a week at least so that or cookies and games have a teenage event or or a young adult kind of mini event that they can come and and do something.
SPEAKER_01:Prior to the little chit-chat we do before we actually start recording, we were talking about life in a small church. What do you do when your church is so small you don't have a youth group you don't have a lot of that you know interconnection. But what you want to do is remember that what what exists corporately as the congregation is actually just a whole bunch of individuals. And I think that the way that the people present themselves as being accessible and sometimes even being vulnerable would make the difference. Going back to the Mrs. G thing Mrs. G is just an example of a of a passing reference at what happened in the car. You get certain amount of people who come to church you know a minute before the service starts we get through the service and they're you know they bolt out the door without a doubt the praise the worship the instruction that occurs during a worship service is important but I would venture to say that sometimes the really important stuff occurs just before and just after the service. The time you spend mingling why because the 17 year old who might have some difficulty at home and so forth might find that Mrs. Johnson just seems to be with it. She seems to understand. She seems to get it and um and I I say that now because I have a a real close friend you know sometimes will just you know text me and say hey is there a project to work on in your shop tonight you know and and all we're gonna do is we're gonna talk theology. We're gonna talk because he's got questions you know he's something happened at work something that's going on and and making yourself vulnerable and accessible the reason you tell your story is because you're hoping somebody doesn't make the same mistakes and in order to do that they gotta have somebody that that they're not alone and they need to be courageous enough to to talk to that person.
SPEAKER_02:That person needs to be viewed as a safe person and available I thought that was a wonderful point that you become available somehow. And I think multi-generational if there are any activities that you can encourage or things that are multi-generational in our current society it's changing a little bit with homeschooling and things but with classic public school you don't have the range these kids are all kids I went to classic public school and you're you're with your age group and the only person you know is the teacher really as far as a different generation is concerned. And in that age just keeps going but if I'm in this age group and I'm not talking to them about something and the teacher that I know is only focused on this stuff I don't know that they are someone that I can talk to.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah and I do think one of the illusions we had when we were young in high school and youth group age was there was always this idea that you know they need to you know create these relationships with peers their own age. But quite honestly you know like when I wanted to bolt from the church it was our senior vicar um who kept me tethered you know to the church 'cause I remember sitting up at a at a camp out, you know, because I had to go to the youth group activities and arguing with him till two in the morning about the Bible and stuff. And and I don't remember one thing he said other than the fact that he was there.
SPEAKER_02:And and let you argue. Yeah he let you ask your questions.
SPEAKER_01:And I and I think that that's valuable because you know I look back to and I only know of the one I only know of the one case who happened to be a girl I was confirmed with who was taken down to an abortion clinic by another girl from my church that I had dated one time. I wasn't dating with her at that time and I never thought anything of it. I heard the story I kind of moved on and so forth but then um you know many years later I thought if I could have been maybe a little bit better friend a little bit more accessible and uh and that's hard you know it's hard as a peer because you're facing a lot of pressure to go around with your classmates um but even as an adult you know I have I mean I've when I've confirmed kids in confirmation class I've always told them on the last day of class you know I don't care where I am in the world I don't care what I'm doing um you have my you have my number and I don't give my number out to everybody. I said you can call me and they have and I said but I but I I I think I I think with sadness on your story because because you know people like that need to hear from somebody older because because right now you felt like all the ground underneath you was shifting away and you needed somebody to to tether you to hold you on.
SPEAKER_02:And I didn't feel like I had anyone to go to I had no adult that had said something like you just that's awesome. You know if you need someone to ever talk to you know I said that as and my husband did of course to our daughters when they were teenagers that if you ever find yourself in a situation that you weren't planning on that you don't feel safe whatever if it's you've gone to a party and something's gone wrong there or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:You know back then and when our daughters were teenagers they did have their cell phones then and and I said you call we will come and pick you up you will not be in trouble you we will not be angry with you we'll be happy that you called but I gotta I gotta ask you during our chit chat before we recorded you talked about something you and your husband do with your daughter what you did with your your children.
SPEAKER_02:So tell that Oh I I always felt that role playing was a good way to help get people accustomed the kids especially teenagers accustomed to what words to choose how to respond to a situation. I mean we started role playing even as little children just to teach them oh there's a fire in the house and it's over there. You know you see smoke coming up the steps where do you go? And then we would crawl and whatever we had to do. I did that with the social issues like oh even everything from smoking to you name it all the things that the kids are going to face in in school in high school and maybe college smoking drugs and if someone offers you this w what do you say? And then I would I would offer I would be the person hey uh come on it's it's just pot you know you can have you can have some of this or or whatever or it's just whatever whatever the current drugs are of the day. It won't hurt you any and boy you're gonna feel good. You know so you come up with all the lines and encourage them to respond to those lines and how and and even it wasn't just one line I would go into then oh oh you no thanks oh sure you want it come on you know I got pushy you know everybody's doing it kind of thing.
SPEAKER_03:And were they receptive to that?
SPEAKER_01:Did they enjoy role playing they seem to like role playing and I I mean I just I thought that was a brilliant uh suggestion because role playing first of all with kids when they're in grade school is fun. Yeah. And then when you start getting into the more serious topics I think it's a bit more natural for them to to kind of play it through you know and how it would work and how it would go.
SPEAKER_02:And how yeah yeah and then you get a little pushy with it like a teenager might or someone someone at the party might or whatever or what a a young man might say to a young girl and say well if you love me and then what what response she can say yeah but if you loved me you would accept my answer here.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I wanted to ask too just um you know in your story I mean one of the things obviously that really popped out at me was just the fact that you didn't tell anybody except the person that drove you so when did you start telling people I mean now you tell everybody you're on a podcast you're sharing your story with um all of our listeners and everything too so how did you get from that point of not telling anybody to where you are now I had no intention of telling anyone I told my husband before we were married because I just told him I I there's something that's a very volatile issue.
SPEAKER_02:I I cannot agree to marry you without knowing if this will what this will do. Yeah and so he was the first one I told and I ultimately at another time told my sister I mean these are years later right um but as far as being public God just he did it. Yeah he did it I'm gonna point at him and it's his fault yes it was his fault he had the plan I did not have the plan I never wanted to tell anybody ever and it was harming my psychological emotional wellbeing I was found myself uh trying to be a chameleon because you didn't want anyone to find out and you wanted to do everything you know I would look at each of you and and wait to say anything to you until I found out what you liked. Oh you like sci-fi movies I love sci-fi movies not at all not at all you know and and I would wait and I would be this person for for you and this person for them and this person you know it it you can't live that way you're living a constant lie took a long time with God as far as him he was telling me to leave my full-time paid employment employment and it took over two and a half years uh well he started with the little inklings that I gave gave you before but the real push came after after I was uh I was in church see I do listen to pastors once in a while the pastor was preaching on on servanthood and whatever the Holy Spirit I think compelled me to say this or to pray this at the moment I stopped listening to the pastor sorry but I but it was important you know I I I was compelled to pray and I'm praying and and I'm saying God I don't know what a servanthood really means I don't know what a servant of yours really is I don't even like the word servant but I know what an employee is and I want to be your employee and then I told my sister the next day I don't know what compelled me to pray this but I I made that I said that prayer and she started laughing and I'm sitting there what are you laughing about and and she says oh you have no idea what you just did he said she said she was further along in her faith walk than I and and uh she goes God takes prayer like that very seriously your life is going to change drastically and she was right and and uh it took you know all of a sudden I'm thinking what I'm doing is complete at work is completely worthless meaningless doesn't have any real it's not obituary worthy and I things things just kept changing and and I kept getting this indication from God uh that I needed to quit my full-time employment just quit and I kept thinking well nobody just quits their job you know clearly no one quits their job without something else lined up but he never gave me any inkling of what the plan was or what should what I should do. So I applied for other jobs etc and nothing worked out and either I didn't like it or they didn't like me whatever I kept praying for clarity ultimately over two and a half years later from this initial prayer that to be in his employee I I call it he said I had a conversation with my boss God gave me a lot of clarity prior to that and I still had no idea what I was would be doing but my boss at work had a conversation and and at the end of that conversation well you're the you're the HR director you can um we need to reduce costs and I know you're not gonna like the job in the direction it's going so if you want to write up how to eliminate your job I'll pay you the severance that goes with that. And I thought okay how much clearer can you be God um you're paying me to leave my job yeah I tend to talk to God kind of casually like that but but I still had no clue nothing lined up no idea where I was going I kind of felt a little bit like Abraham you know move I'll tell you where you're going when you get there on your path and the next day God told me to write my first manuscript ever and that was my baby's feet and I never intended to write and I never intended to speak to people but I went ahead and got started and said you're gonna have to help me I don't even know what I'm doing and that was the beginning I left my job I did not have another one lined up he had me write this book and I struggled with it a lot because it was there who is this for and because like Stephen Covey and anything you're any message he's begin with the end in mind well who's my audience all writing classes will tell you know your audience know the message I had no idea except what did what I knew is God gave me the title and a table of contents and it was going to have ten chapters and it was going to be chapter one this title this title this title all all ten I only could remember five which really gave me a struggle because I didn't know the second half of the book and I still didn't know the audience and the message he gave me was you're doing it for me not me him yeah yeah yeah and I said okay well then you gotta help me finish those chapters yeah and he and he did and uh it wasn't the first book published my secret loss was the first book published okay uh that was a a publisher saw the manuscript of my baby's feet and asked me to turn it into a Bible study on post abortion healing said I can't do that I I cannot change these chapters the chapter headings I I just can't and uh and I won't and they weren't made for post abortion healing they have a whole different purpose even though I wasn't quite sure what that was but they weren't made for that purpose but I will if you wish to contract with me I will write a Bible study on post abortion healing so they hired me to do that. So that actually was the first published book. Wow and and then after after a couple years I had a kind of a moment like oh that's what's wrong with that first manuscript. Oh I need to dig that out and I didn't want to touch it. But I did. And in the meantime I had started speaking so your story
SPEAKER_01:became known first in writing.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Okay, yeah. Even my mother didn't know. But my secret loss was the first one published, as I said, and and I got now had it in hand. And I'm saying, I better tell mom. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And all my fears of ever to telling mom as a teenager came right back into my heart. Like I can't tell mom. Clearly I wasn't worried about where I was going to live anymore, but and oddly her initial reaction was exactly what I expected when I was 17. But we worked through that. I had no idea this is something wonderfully healing that you might not expect is it took forever my mother and my mine relationship, our relationship with each other had friction. Always had friction. All these years until oh what was it 2003? I graduated from high school to you know in 1976 so this is a lot of years right 1975 was the abortion year all these years of friction gone after you told her. After I told her we got through the initial week or so and it's like wow all these years I kind of lost with my mom and gained back. It was truly amazing with God. You know it's it's like repenting to him. When you repent when you tell mom tell the the father the healing is absolutely amazing. Our relationship changed entirely.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. But time is incredible.
SPEAKER_02:She talked to some loving family and they said God probably had this in mind ever since she made that poor decision. He was going to make it something good in the end. And he did he's made me do this talking Sheila thank you so much for sharing your story here.
SPEAKER_03:We are kind of out of time here but sorry I talk so much. Oh no it's wonderful I mean there there's so much more to talk about too you know just with all that I guess just maybe as we we close out and what what is your message for um anybody listening here? Um maybe somebody who's had an abortion and just you know it is a secret to them. You know what would what would your message for them be?
SPEAKER_02:Don't keep it a secret anymore. But you don't have to speak to groups. And that is not expected. Find a safe place. People I I invite people that go through my Bible study or anything or even hear me speak. I invite them feel free to call me free free feel free to email me. You're not the only one in the boat. When I finally figured out I wasn't the only one that had made that poor choice and realized it that gave me freedom you're not the only one and stat statistically I should have intellectually known that but in my heart I couldn't accept that. And in my heart I couldn't accept that God could forgive me. God on audio now God on video right and and he does forgive and and there are safe places for you to go to talk to someone I'm I am one of them. Many pastors are safe places they they can talk about forgiveness and healing and things there's many places pregnancy centers are becoming more aware that that is a a necessary piece of their work is post abortion healing. So I hope just reach out to someone that you trust. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well thank you very much I really appreciate it. And we will link your website down in our show notes too and um you know for anybody interested in your books or material and I'm sure there's information there how to get in touch with you as well. And we thank all of our listeners for joining us and then we'll welcome you back next time. Bye.
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