Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Danielle Cobo: Life is filled with moments of uncertainty and finding the inner strength to handle these moments can be difficult. It's easy to become overwhelmed with fear and doubt and worry when things don't go as planned. Today's guest is Andrea Owen. Three time best-selling author, including the book, how to Stop Feeling Like Shit, 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness.
Danielle Cobo: Andrea is also the host of Make Some Noise Podcast and a certified life coach. Andrea shares her journey from hitting rock bottom and personal growth to becoming a powerful force of grit and resilience. Andrea shares practical tips to reclaim your power and rewrite the narratives that hold you back.
Danielle Cobo: Trust your intuition to make better decisions, and emerge stronger than ever. Andrea, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast today. I met you at our National Speakers Association. If there's anybody that embodies grit, resilience, and courage, it is you.
Andrea Owen: Thank you. The universe has put me to the test. I'll tell you what.
Andrea Owen: You
Danielle Cobo: have definitely been faced with some trials and tribulations throughout your life. Will you please share with our listeners about your background?
Andrea Owen: Yeah, well, it's kind of a funny slash not funny story of how I got here in terms of a profession. So I heard about life coaching back in 2003 when hardly anybody knew what that was.
Andrea Owen: And there was like, maybe I could count on one hand how many websites there were of like true life coaches. I thought it would be an interesting profession. I thought I would be great at it, but I didn't have a whole lot of life experience back then. I was in my late twenties and had led a pretty just normal life.
Andrea Owen: And then the person I was married to at the time, we were married for, for a couple years, but we had been together for 13 years at the time. We were just about to start a family, and he got our neighbor pregnant and our marriage ended. I started dating right away, which I should not have started doing, but I did.
Andrea Owen: And ended up getting conned and it was just this mess of a life I found myself in in my early thirties at this point. And so I decided to change my life. I was my rock bottom at that point in my life. I had never faced anything so incredibly difficult and just also profoundly humiliating too. I'll just be really, really honest.
Andrea Owen: Like walking through that those weeds was. The most significantly traumatic thing that had happened to me thus far. And so I signed up for a life coaching school. I didn't know how much of my own work I would have to be doing simultaneously. So it was sort of, the universe is like wink wink at me, but that's how I got here.
Andrea Owen: And then there's a saying like, in order to change your life, you have to change your life. And I dramatically did that. I also got sober in 2011. Right after that, I wrote my first book. I've written three books now, translated into 19 languages. So all that to say, I used that. Difficult time as a catalyst or jumping off point, if you will, in order to get where I am today.
Andrea Owen: There
Danielle Cobo: are a lot of people that I've faced. We've all faced challenges throughout our life. The particular challenge that you went through and the experience that what you went through, as you mentioned, humiliating, very humiliating, and a lot of, I'm assuming self-discovery and reflecting on what your life was and probably second guessing a lot of the decisions that were made and mm-hmm.
Danielle Cobo: And where you want your future to go.
Andrea Owen: Yeah, all of that for sure. And also understanding that I had ignored my intuition in both of those relationships. You know, my intuition had told me, don't marry him. And I did it anyway because I, we had so much potential and we'd been together for so long and we had chemistry and all of the reasons that we stay.
Andrea Owen: And in that second relationship with the where I got conned on the first date, my intuition said, something's not right here. And I kept seeing him anyway because I was desperate for love and validation and attention. And so when I, on the other side of that, I realized I was self abandoning, which is a whole nother conversation for another, maybe another podcast.
Andrea Owen: I think it's something that, especially as women, we chronically do, men do it as well, but I think especially as women where we're taught to put others' feelings and needs before our own. I had done that over and over again in my entire adult life, and so that was one of the major self-reflections that I had to kind of come to terms with.
Andrea Owen: Well,
Danielle Cobo: you've taken this experience and the challenges that you've gone through. Applied it into saying, okay, I'm gonna make the changes. I'm gonna go and get involved in life coaching. What do you believe was the most impactful learning lesson that you took away when you were in your program? Oh my gosh.
Andrea Owen: There was a couple of them, so I can't pick just one, so I'm gonna say two. The first one was when I learned about negative self-talk. I mean, I'm sure a lot of your listeners are well aware of that if they run in the circles of personal growth and personal development. But I remember the moment I was sitting there in the training.
Andrea Owen: Like looking around at everybody like, did y'all just hear that? Wait a minute. So those are just thoughts and like we can actually change them. Like I was shook, like what? That was one thing just about learning to manage my mind and like train your brain and the neuro the, I geek out on the neuroscience of that.
Andrea Owen: How you can actually create new neuropathways and new connections that fire differently so you can think differently. Totally. Totally changed my life. And also just the tool of curiosity. I like to be right. I like certainty as other humans do. I'm sure everyone listening is like nodding their head like, yeah, yeah, it feels good and safe to feel certain and right, but especially as a coach, if I'm facilitating a coaching conversation, I am not, I don't have all the answers and I certainly don't have the answers that are my clients.
Andrea Owen: So it's just remaining open and curious, like, I wonder about this, or what if it was another way, or what are our options here? Let's look at all the options and the ways that things could go. Curiosity, I think, is such a catalyst for, if nothing else, self-awareness. And at best it's a catalyst for positive change.
Andrea Owen: And I'm gonna stop there because I could go on and on. But those are like the my two biggest main like favorite favorites.
Danielle Cobo: Well, some key areas I heard you hone in on is being very in tune to that intuition and seeing the red flags. When they're there. And not ignoring that in real time. In real time.
Danielle Cobo: Exactly. And that could be in a relationship that we're possibly entering in an existing relationship, that we're in an an intimate relationship. I also see that in the workplace as well. If you are in an interview and your intuition is saying, There's just something not right resonated about the values of the organization or the hiring manager.
Danielle Cobo: If it's just not clicking mm-hmm. Listen to
Andrea Owen: it. Yeah. Or the interview process. Yes. Or just even like without standing too woo woo. But like the energy of the building or the energy of the people that you walked by when you were going to the HR office. Like it could be a multitude of
Danielle Cobo: things. Absolutely.
Danielle Cobo: And then also you talked about that negative self-talk and mm-hmm. Again, we hear a lot about mindset. You and I were talking about this before we jumped on. Yeah. And there's a lot of talk about mindset, but being very specific about that negative self-talk. And that was actually what I learned in cognitive psychology when I was working towards my psychology degree.
Danielle Cobo: Cognitive psychology and neurolinguistics, and as you mentioned, changing the neuropathways so that it's changing our perception of ourselves, but also people as well.
Andrea Owen: I have found that the less critical and judgmental I am with myself opens up for more compassion and empathy and understanding for other people.
Andrea Owen: I try to live by the notion that people are doing the best that they can with what they have. And that doesn't necessarily mean that I let people off the hook for behaving terribly. It means that more boundaries are need to be set, but it just, it allows me to have so much more joy and understanding and just relief in my life.
Andrea Owen: I.
Danielle Cobo: Are you feeling overwhelmed and drained by life's demands? Perhaps you're facing change and uncertainty. Hi, I'm Danielle, the host of the Unstoppable Grit Podcast with Danielle Cobo. Immerse yourself in captivating interviews and discover the secrets to developing the grit and resilience to thrive in all areas of your life.
Danielle Cobo: Subscribe to the Unstoppable Grit Podcast with Danielle Kobo on Apple, Spotify, or your favorite listening app. It's important, as you were saying that the experience that you went through and all those challenges that you experienced, I can imagine not only it affected your personal life, it also probably, and, and correct me if I'm wrong, did it flow into your work, your professional life?
Danielle Cobo: Mm-hmm.
Andrea Owen: Yeah. And it's interesting. I was not the kind of kid who had a lot of aspirations for my career. I'm also the youngest of five children, and I'm like the much youngest. So I was a second marriage baby, and my parents were older and they were, I loved my parents. They were fantastic. They did a great job raising me, and at the same time, it was kind of like, good luck with life.
Andrea Owen: You know? They didn't have a lot of huge aspirations for me. Like, I don't know, I was always likable and had a positive attitude and they're like, she'll be fine. I didn't take my SATs in high school. I was just like, I don't know. Well, maybe I'll just work or go to junior college. Which I did and then dropped out of junior college.
Andrea Owen: And so I was just sort of like, at that time in my life when everything fell apart, I had gone back to school to get my I'D flunked outta junior college and then had gone back to school to get my bachelor's degree. But I was still kind of like, like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Like I like exercise, maybe I'll be a personal trainer, which my undergrad is an exercise physiology, which I love, but it truly forced me to, and I can only speak from my experience as a woman.
Andrea Owen: For the sake of being totally transparent, I bought into the guise that, well, if all else fails, a man will probably save me. Like that was, I hate to admit it, like the feminist in me is like, ah, it just was what I believed. And so for the first time I was like, oh, I need to learn how to take care of myself.
Andrea Owen: And that is both personally and professionally and financially. And so it was a hard lesson, but one also, I wanna say this because I think people, some people might resonate with it. I felt largely underestimated by the people around me, by my family. I don't know if it's part of like being the youngest child of like, oh, Andrea's still a little kid.
Andrea Owen: Like, we all need to take care of her. And just, and I think people felt sorry for me for where I was at, but I used that feeling of being underestimated as fuel, as a catalyst. I was like, I'm about light my life on fire in the best possible way. And so I did it. I graduated with honors with my degree in exercise physiology.
Andrea Owen: I finished my life coaching certification. I went on to get additional certifications, and then here I am, three books later, 19 translations, and I'm doing okay.
Danielle Cobo: I would say you're definitely doing okay and more than it sounds like most people expected of you, which yeah, in a lot of ways can. Be a blessing because you're only gonna go upward from there.
Danielle Cobo: Right. And add to your success too, you do have a podcast with millions of downloads, which I had the honor of being on, so share your podcast with us as well.
Andrea Owen: It's Make Some Noise with Andrea Owen. We have up to about 550 episodes now, and it's wherever you listen to podcasts.
Danielle Cobo: You talked a little bit about our perception of possibly how we're gonna be taken care of in life.
Danielle Cobo: Mm-hmm. And you have this perception, you were raised by amazing parents, but going into the, well, if all else fails, I'll find a man that's gonna help me.
Andrea Owen: I'm gonna save me. He's gonna swoop in on his white horse. Mm-hmm.
Danielle Cobo: Wouldn't that be nice? Which is interesting because I was on that flip side of it. I was raised by a single mom.
Danielle Cobo: Mm-hmm. Who, when we were, when my mom first started out, she was a single mom getting her bachelor's degree serving at a restaurant. Really starting from nothing. We shopped at thrift stores. Mm-hmm. Most of my clothes for school were on layaway, and I was raised with this mindset of if you want to succeed in life, you gotta do it yourself.
Danielle Cobo: Mm-hmm. But the learning lesson along the way is it's hard for me to accept help. Yeah. And my husband, when I ventured off in starting this business, He says, this is your time to shine and this is my time to take care of you. And it's been a challenge for me. It really has been. And and accepting the, being taken care of because so much of my life has been, you gotta take care of yourself.
Andrea Owen: Yeah, it's interesting. I think what jumps out at me the most with just this conversation of how much we underestimate how our upbringing impacts our adult life. I'm a big fan of therapy. I think it can be really helpful when we find ourselves in places of either side of that coin of being so independent and wanting to do things ourselves, but also being in a partnership where someone is saying like, Hey, you can lean on me in that.
Andrea Owen: Or the opposite of like where I was, who's gonna show up to take care of me? And then feeling left out in the dark. I think it's important to kind of look back on those reflections and how you were raised and not so much the story of it, 'cause that it's important, but what did you make that mean? And you're have the self-awareness to see and connect the dots.
Andrea Owen: I think for those of you out there who are listening who might be a little adverse to therapy and like, oh, I don't need to look at my childhood, and Oh, it doesn't make any impact now. Oh, it certainly does. It certainly does. In your romantic relationships and your friendships and even in your professional life.
Andrea Owen: So this is the invitation to look more closely at your family of origin
Danielle Cobo: stuff. I'm also a big fan of therapy. Yes, there's no doubt I was kidnapped by my mom when I was two years old, raised by a single mom, and there's definitely been some influences in my upbringing that have shaped me into who I am today.
Danielle Cobo: And what I hear from you is it's important not to be the victim of our circumstances, right? But to take those challenges and adversity. And grow and develop and help shape that into the person we want to be tomorrow.
Andrea Owen: Yeah, and at the same time, I'm also a huge encourager of people. Look at your trauma with reverence.
Andrea Owen: It has impacted you and it still impacts your nervous system to today. So it's not about just think better thoughts or look at the stuff that happened in your childhood, or forgive your parents and you'll be fine. Like I find that insulting and dismissive. And there are some people in marginalized communities who have very specific trauma that you and I will never understand, and I just, I think that everyone has theirs to varying degrees, and it's important to honor it, but you don't have to let it become your entire narrative, like it's absolutely shaped you and made you who you are and shapes decisions that you make today and shapes, beliefs and thoughts that you have today.
Andrea Owen: The whole point is to look at it with curiosity and love and compassion for yourself, and then just remain curious about it. How is this impacting how I show up in interviews? Possibly how is it impacting how I show up in team meetings or as a leader in my organization and on purpose? You can strive to change that because we can blame and shame all day long.
Andrea Owen: The people who raised us. You get to a certain age, I feel it's around 25, and you have to take responsibility for your healing and your growth instead of pointing the finger.
Danielle Cobo: Nailed it on the head. On the 25, I distinctly remember I was in premarital counseling. I also had been divorced. Not very many will know that, but I.
Danielle Cobo: Red flags, saw them very early on, ignored them. Mm-hmm. It was a short marriage, but I remember the premarital counseling saying she advises people to wait until they're 25 years old, because that's when the corpus flow, some, the two hemispheres merge together and we're, and those neurotransmitters are firing between our right and left hemisphere.
Danielle Cobo: And that's when our cognitive decision making is formed. Right? And it's important to take that time at that age, as you said, reflect back and our upbringing and how it might be, how it's shaping us into who we are, but also how it might be affecting how we're showing up, right? As
Andrea Owen: well. Yeah, a hundred percent.
Andrea Owen: I don't have anything to add because you said it. It's like it has so much to do with our brains and just how they're not formed in the beginning, and then it becomes up to us to heal it.
Danielle Cobo: So before we wrap up our conversation today, which could go on forever, yes. But I invite our listeners to. Read your books.
Danielle Cobo: Obviously there's a lot that you share advice, valuable stories that we can all apply into our live space. So I'll include the links in the show notes, but what other advice would you wanna leave our listeners with who are possibly going through change in their personal professional life?
Andrea Owen: Yeah, I think there's a keynote that I give where I tell the story a little bit in more depth of when I found myself in the fetal position in my bedroom on the floor after my second back-to-back relationship had fallen apart, and I was actually pregnant at the time with the Conman's baby, and I was so devastated and traumatized.
Andrea Owen: And thought I just, it was my absolute rock bottom at that moment of, of my life. And I knew I wanted to change my life and I was sort of desperate for a sign or some kind of like, what is the first step that I do? I don't even know what to do. And so I don't know if it was some kind of like divine message download that I got.
Andrea Owen: But I realized somewhere within, it might not have been in that moment where I was laying on the floor, but somewhere within those like first handful of days, I decided this is an invitation, kind of like in Harry Potter, like when the letters come down the chimney, like where he is being invited to Hogwarts, like over and over again.
Andrea Owen: That's what it felt like. Like this is an invitation to not just start my life over, but just. To design it how I want and to actually be in charge of it instead of putting all of my happiness and fulfillment into someone else's hands, which is what I had done up until that point. I thought, if only I could be in the a great relationship, if only I could change my partner.
Andrea Owen: And for some people listening, that might be, if only I could get to this point in my career or get this position or get this project to prove to everyone, I decided that. I didn't like having other people control that. I wanted it to be mine. I wanted it to be mine. So I looked at that invitation as someone was putting the control into my hands and that, and I've never looked back.
Andrea Owen: And I'm not saying like everything has been smooth sailing since that happened in 2006, but. It sure changed everything in terms of the kind of north star that I keep coming back to, and that's trusting myself, trusting my intuition, and trusting that I can take responsibility for my life. That's a mic
Danielle Cobo: drop moment.
Danielle Cobo: That's a mic drop moment, and
Andrea Owen: that's why I write books and speak on stages.
Danielle Cobo: Very true. And have a very successful podcast as well. So for our listeners, And include the links in the show notes for Andrea's books, her podcasts, her website, so that you connect with her as well. I love following her on social media because number one, you're educational informative, but most importantly you're really funny.
Danielle Cobo: Oh, thank
Andrea Owen: you. I try. That is a gift that was bestowed on me from my parents, so I appreciate hats off to them.
Danielle Cobo: Well, thank you so much for joining and for those tuning in. I will see you on the next episode. Bye.