E002: Love and Light Warrior Heather Kokx: What do Chicken Sweaters and Your Personality have in common?

Yoga, Star Wars, Chicken Sweaters, and your personality. How do these fit? Check out the newest Love and Light Warrior, Heather Kokx, with a story about confrontation.

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About SoulSanity

Are you ready to take a journey to more mindfulness, with a funnybone? Then Heidi Esther, your new best non-preachy mom friend, is here to walk with you. Every week you’ll get a funny, and inspiring story, poem, and reflection. To get you more Peace and Joy in your life. Subscribe to SoulSanity today, you get her FREE JOY GUIDE!

Who is Heidi Esther?

Heidi Esther is a storyteller, writer, poet, big-feeler, midwestern momma, and spoiler of all dogs, especially her chestnut-eyed Olive. She is committed to walking with fellow humans on their mindful journeys to a more peaceful and joyful life. Especially when the spaghetti sauce hits the ceiling. Again.

She resides in Central Illinois with her prankster wife, two eye-rolling teenagers, and two spoiled dogs. When she doesn’t have her head in the clouds or a motivational book, she can be found trying to teach her children the virtues of meditation, making sourdough pancakes, or growing parsley for caterpillars. 

For more about Heidi Esther, check this out. Or, you can email her and  let her know what’s your favorite dessert at howdy@heidiesther.com. And if you’re into live Facebook videos with cute dogs, friend her over here 👍.  

Are you ready to Learn the 5 Steps of Self-Leadership that will help you peel back the layers and Lead you to  Joy, on your own terms? Then go to http://heidiesther.com/steps today!

You can watch all of my episodes on  YouTube @HeidiEsther
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to this City Podcast. I'm Heidi Esther, bringing you weekly shots of Mindfulness with a Funny Bone. Now here's the show. Hi beautiful. How are you? How is your heart doing these days? How are you handling this transition time between the spring and the almost pre COVID summer? It's like a teenage awkwardness for me right now. I want to go out and like whoop it up with a million people I haven't hugged in like forever. And then there's a part of me who is completely content with staying home and loving on my fam. Are you feeling that pull too? You could say I'm embracing my big hearted enneagram tunis. I recently found out that I'm the type most likely to be codependent. Dope. Before I started recovering from codependency, having an argument was about the worst thing I could imagine happening. I was so scared of disappointing people that I'd do or say anything. I know, not so healthy. Lots of anxiety, lots of lost sleep. I never spoke up for myself, which gave me this kind of like constant nagging feeling of what is the point of my life. So today's story is from a new love and light warrior. She could have helped me in a major way with those tense discussions. She's a steady hand who guides people towards a healthier version of themselves, and also a pretty brave, resilient woman. What I love about her is that she's also down with yoga, chicken sweaters, and awesome things to do in Colorado. So as you start your summer, no matter what it looks like, I want you to know there is always hope. There's always a new day to try to be brave. There's always a new day to take steps forward towards loving and speaking up for yourself and your truth. Because you were given not only ears and a kind, helpful heart, but a voice as well. You are enough as you are. Oh yes, I will not have a story next week. I am going on vacation with my fam to visit the in-laws, so I'm gonna try to actually take a vacation on vacation. I know. Wish this workaholic and recovery good luck. I'll be back in your inbox on june twenty third. And now here's the story. What do chicken sweaters and your personality have in common? Can you guess? Well, they both could be cuddly or colorful or a little holy. But here's an answer you may not have guessed. Heather Cox. This woman knits chicken sweaters to keep hens safe and guide you towards your best you as an enneogram coach. Boom, baby. It's my absolute pleasure to introduce you to Heather, a soul sanity love and light warrior. There is a picture on my message for the week and my website at Heidiester.com if you're like me and you've never seen a chicken sweater. So why is she a love and light warrior? Well, Heather's learned a lot, a lot of life lessons. And because of her growth and all those lessons, she now has some pretty awesome superpowers, like energy healing, yoga teaching, and happiness coaching, and a deep knowledge of Star Wars. And like any other human, she continues to have her own struggles and successes. Today's story is in Heather's own words about one of those struggles and successes. Heather's story The Key to Confrontation That morning, I had confronted a coworker about speaking untruths about me to others. It became a yelling a match of don't lie about me and I didn't lie about you. A witness to the confrontation said to me, You know, I can see why she was confused. You didn't say what exactly. She had lied about. As far as she knows, you were just accusing her of being a liar. I rarely get into confrontations. When I do, I always bungle them. I get emotional and my brain turns off. The other person starts saying things that I have no comeback for, no answer, no explanation. I usually just stomp away, as I did that morning. That night my head was spinning on the confrontation I knew I was gonna have the next day. My husband sees I'm preoccupied and asks why. I answer Because I know I'm gonna have another argument with her tomorrow, and I'm gonna botch that one the same as I botched the one this morning. Nothing will be accomplished, and I'm horrible at confrontations. Just speak your truth, my husband says. It's easy for you, just speak your truth, I don't know how. And then he gave me the best advice I have ever received on how to handle a confrontation. You just say what you believe over and over again. You are a bully. You bully me, you bully others, and I'm not gonna stand for it anymore. This description is truth. He had been hearing me complain about this coworker and the things she did to others. No one ever confronted her, so she kept going along like her behavior was okay. Meanwhile, everyone was uncomfortable any time she was in the room. Anxiety began to rise within me, knowing it is not that simple confronting a bully. She is gonna try to change the direction of the conversation, he said. Don't let it go there. The discussion will wander away from the point. Just say the same thing. You are a bully. I'm not gonna put up with it anymore. Over and over. First thing the next morning, the coworker comes over to me and says I was really upset at what happened yesterday. If you told me who said that to you, maybe we three could get together and discuss it. I took a deep breath, and I ransered. I don't think so. The truth is, you are a bully. You are a bully to me, to others, and I'm not going to put up with it anymore. Blink I can totally tell she's stunned. Can you give me an example? she asked. Luckily, I was prepared, and gave her an example of when she was horribly rude and callous to a coworker. She did not deny the event happened and stood behind her behavior. At this point, she said something else. I don't remember what she said because I panicked. I didn't have an answer. And then I remembered it doesn't matter. Just say the same thing over and over again. And I spoke. I don't know what to say about that. All I do know is that you are a bully. You bully me, you bully others, and I'm not going to put up with it anymore. And it worked. I was amazed. The conversation went on a bit from there. At no time did I feel out of control or in the wrong for standing up for myself. I was standing in my truth. I was not being swayed. It was amazing. So that is Heather's story. And she has a question for you. Can you do it? Can you stand in your truth? In Heather's words. And so I share my husband's amazing advice with you. When in an argument with someone who is not honoring a boundary, figure out your truth, then stand in it. Speak your truth over and over, making it clear that there is no other way. The boundary is set and you will not bend. Now here is some four one on Heather Cox. Heather is a yoga instructor, energy healer, Enneagram coach, and happiness coach. Her main goal is to help people find a foundation of happiness in their lives. Using her unique training, tools learned on her own healing journey, and her own life experiences, Heather guides people with acceptance and compassion to open up to self-discovery and self-love. Heather has been helping people for over 20 years to resolve issues, remove negative beliefs and patterns, and walk confidently forward on their journeys to healing and happiness. She's known for being easygoing and genuine, and clients appreciate the feeling of safety she provides. And here is a quote Learn to love yourself. You were given this life to grow and shine your light towards others. Shine your unique and beautiful light. The world needs it. You can find Heather at www dot heathercox that's k oks dot com and you can even schedule a free fifteen minute consultation at Heathercox that's K OKX dot as dot me forward slash happiness coaching consultation. Before I go, here are some other tidbits for you. If you want to hear the story of more love and light warriors, you can always go to Heidiester.com forward slash Love and Light Warriors with hyphens in between those. And don't forget to follow me on Facebook at facebook.com slash Heidi Esther Author. I go live most Wednesday mornings. And please check your email message if you're on my list for two things. The first, it's your last chance to download a joy trip calendar for your summer. What is it? It's 30 different prompts that will get you little bursts of joy every day through your summer. And the second, if you haven't responded already, please respond to my one question survey. It will literally take you 30 seconds and will be very, very appreciated. Well that is it for this week. With love, light, and laughter, I'm Heidi Esther.