Embracing the Journey Through Grief: Finding Light and Lasting Bonds After Loss ✨🌹 | Lesley's Lessons Podcast

When the world becomes a little less bright with the passing of someone we hold dear, where do we find the strength to face the days ahead? My own heartache in saying goodbye to my cherished mother has unearthed insights and coping strategies that I never imagined would be part of my healing journey. This episode is a tender exploration of these discoveries, encompassing the unexpected power of positivity and humor amidst grief. As we grapple with the choices of mourning versus celebrating a life well-lived, I delve into the emotional labyrinth, sharing how crafting a safe space for our feelings and honoring my mother's memory have been pivotal to forging ahead.

A loss opens a void that love and faith rush to fill, and in discussing my path to peace and comfort, I invite you to consider how the departure of a loved one can transform our connections to those we've lost and to ourselves. Letting go of worry and embracing the belief that our departed are now guardian angels offers a solace that permeates this conversation. I draw upon the profound solidarity found in shared experiences of grief, the kindnesses that buoy us, and the prayers that envelop us. For anyone navigating the stormy seas of loss, this episode aims to be both a lighthouse and a life raft, affirming that even as we part with our loved ones, the bonds we forge are unbreakable and timeless.

Chapters

• 0:01 Dealing With Loss and Grief
• 10:52 Finding Peace and Comfort in Loss

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Leslie's lessons. Loss is a serious thing and recently I lost my infallible, undeniably gorgeous Kendo no Wrong, aka Miss Octopus' mother, and it's so crazy saying that because you know, I knew she had some things with her heart, but she was a warrior and a warrior and a protector and my best friend. And here are some things that have gone into play for me that has helped me with this time and is helping me. It does not negate you from sadness or feeling, having feelings of whatever you might experience in your case, but these are some tips that I think might help someone who is going through the same thing, or perhaps the writings are on the wall for something that might happen in the near future. So first I would like to say I understand what you are feeling and for me, I've discovered things that don't necessarily help me but might be the thing that other people think they should say to someone, and I never knew because I haven't been on this end for a while. But phrases like I'm sorry for your loss Don't help me. I've discovered the only thing they did was kind of poke at my pain. Someone like me I try to solve problems, smile, move forward, create a peaceful environment, stay away from negative energy, set boundaries. So when someone says I'm sorry for your loss, it just reminds me of the pain that I experienced the very first moment that I found out and what I deal with on day to day. I don't know what is the proper phrase, but I will tell you setting the tone of something positive, allowing the person to feel safe to express themselves, or maybe not Picking up on the cues. Maybe they don't want to speak about anything referring to loss, maybe they want to hear a joke. You know, I will tell you it is a little bubble of comfort. They might be ready just for a little bit of small talk, but nothing that pertains to anyone else doing bad or who's doing bad. And then they recovered. It's just too soon and under normal circumstances I'm sure they will root for you, but right now it's a very tender moment. So just try to keep it very general.

Speaker 1: 3:29

Follow the cues and don't be afraid to express that you don't know what to say, but you are here for the person. Another tip that I've learned is to say that you are happy for them. That is correct For me. I say this every day to my mom, who, I believe, is up above watching over me. I'm so happy for you. I am so happy for you. You know we've had discussions that didn't really require a lot of details to be said. You know, when you are close to someone, you can kind of pick up on the cues, the hints of what they are really saying and you allow it to be a safe space and you don't touch on it, you just allow them to express themselves. And I was honored to be in her presence. To hear this woman, who I've seen as my mother turn into a friend, even almost like an older sister, was such a pleasure and I believe she is happy. I believe she left when she wanted to. So I choose to say I'm happy for you every single day.

Speaker 1: 4:55

Another thing that works for me, that might work for you, is I talk out loud, I talk to her. I like to invoke humor. You know I might complain about oh, I don't have to worry about this anymore, thank goodness or something. And yeah, you always like this, you always would. You would say this Something about humor, giving myself permission to laugh while incorporating her spiritually, does something good for me.

Speaker 1: 5:27

Another tip is designing a space that works for you. Some people prefer to cry, vent, maybe, seek out anything that. Seek out anything that takes the edge off. If going back to work for you, like I did days later, helped, then so be it, because when everyone goes away, when the calls and the text messages and the checkups go away, you have to adapt to your new life. So I believe to pace yourself, but try to take one step forward. It only gets better if you choose for it to get better. It's not about erasing the person, but it's about celebrating the person and understanding that they would want the best for you and they would want you to get back up, even if you feel like staying down.

Speaker 1: 6:33

The last tip I would say is you can celebrate the person or you can mourn the person. You have options. You know, one day I was on a phone with my girlfriend and then she said something about it's understandable, you're in mourning and I said mourning, I'm celebrating, and it really is a mindset. I just choose to see her for her contagious smile, her buttery feathery laugh that everyone likes so much. With her Trinidadian accent, she just lit up any room that she walked into. I've heard so many stories from people who might not have known her long but felt so drawn to her and it just makes me feel proud to know that they got a glimpse of what I got to experience my entire life as my mom, and it really is an honor to hear feedback like that.

Speaker 1: 7:38

Lastly, no one can tell you how to celebrate your loved ones, especially when it's a parent. Maybe you know, maybe there was something you wanted to say, something you didn't address or something you're just holding onto Now. It's not the time to dwell, beat yourself up or think about what could have been done to stop what happened. You know, often times people tell us how to live, but they don't tell us how to thrive after the most unimaginable but yet understandable part of life that we know is a part of life. They don't tell us how to deal with that. Enough, it's scary, it's uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 8:28

When that moment comes, no matter if you are financially prepared. No one is truly mentally or spiritually prepared, but you can be to a certain extent by just being grateful, by just understanding how precious every day is, by not sweating the small stuff, by forgiving very quickly or not allowing anything to distract you from the joy and connection that you have with this person. It really is up to you. I would say that it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be afraid of what happens next, but it's not okay to not do anything. It's not okay to just stay stagnant. Your loved ones wouldn't want that for you. They wouldn't want you to still be alive and not take advantage of the air that you breathe. You know they would want you to go forward. They would want you to thank them for passing the baton and appreciating that. You now have it and you can pick up where they left off All the life lessons, all the love that they fed into you. This should be looked as a gift, not as a punishment now that they are no longer here in the flesh.

Speaker 1: 9:56

It is a hard thing, but I believe if you focus on being grateful and happy for the person and believing that they are in a better place, this can be seen as a positive thing, no matter how dreadful and how many times you might cry. And another point to deal with this time I would say make sure you're eating right and also check your blood pressure. This is a hard time. You know you're not yourself right now. Certain things affect you differently and it is completely understandable, and I just want to applaud you for even listening to this podcast and I hope that it just helps in some way to let you know that you are not alone.

Speaker 1: 10:52

You know, I just try to focus and say to myself you know what my biggest worry? I no longer have to worry because I know that she is safe, I know that she is well and all is well. You know, sometimes we just want to be happy for people if they have a baby, if they get married, they start a business. But we also have to be happy for people who move on in the you know who, who transition and believe that they are in a happier place, believe in destiny, believe that this is something that is best for them at this moment. And it is a hard thing to hear. It might seem detached, but if you really love someone, you are going to be happy for them. I can't completely, you know, I can't speak for her. This is just my feeling, my assessment, based on little nuggets of information she shared, and that allows me to be happy for her and know that all is well. Now I have not one, but two angels in heaven watching over me.

Speaker 1: 12:04

I hope this podcast gives someone comfort and insight on how to navigate life now that your dear one, your dearest loved one, is no longer here, it doesn't mean they're not here in the spiritual sense, but it is up to you to be committed to that.

Speaker 1: 12:26

There are two ways to look at this loss, and if you look at the one on the right, you are in trouble. Keep your head straight and think positive thoughts and you will be okay. Focusing on anything dark will only bring more turmoil, will only bring depression, anxiety and ruin your health slowly but surely. I encourage you to take this moment to dig deeper in prayer, faith and kindness and, most of all, love self love at that. I thank you for listening and going on this journey with me, as it has now opened me up to a new realm of closeness and connections with people that I might not have been, I might not have seen happened right now, but I feel that I was prepared enough to be ready for this moment. I thank you for this connection and hopefully this podcast brings you some peace and comfort in this time of loss. Until then, as we continue on this journey called life together, good night.