#213: Microhabits - The Tiny Behaviors That Hold Your Home Together

This episode kicks off a special four-part series about what it really takes to run a peaceful, sustainable home. Before we talk about planners, weekly rhythms, and seasonal resets, we have to start somewhere much smaller: our habits. Because the truth is, a calm home isn’t built on heroic cleaning days or perfect organizational systems. It’s built on tiny decisions we make throughout the day.

In this episode, I’m sharing twenty motherhood micro-habits that quietly keep a home running — things like never leaving a room empty-handed, doing quick five-minute resets, and using simple habit stacking to make routines easier. These small behaviors compound over time and create the kind of environment that supports your family rather than overwhelms you.

Much of this episode is inspired by the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, which beautifully explains why tiny actions repeated consistently lead to massive results over time. Before we design systems for our homes, we have to look at behavior — because systems plus behavior equals a sustainable home.

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Transcript

Welcome And Series Kickoff

Dara Boxer 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Raw on the Cooked, a weekly podcast that provides simple routines around the home plus raw and honest book reviews. My name is Dara. I'm a Midwestern stay-at-home mom to four young kids, and I thrive on simplicity. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode. I am very excited because today is going to kick off a one of four-part series that we're going to talk about that encompasses all of the aspects that one would need to sort of learn and uh put into action to run and keep a smooth, successful home. And I know everyone's version of success looks a little bit differently. However, I have come to the conclusion after speaking with so many family members and so many friends that have young children, whether they work in the home, whether they work out of the home, you know, pets, husbands, just never-ending laundry piles, dishes, like it's it's a lot to manage a home, whether you live in a studio apartment or a five-bedroom, three-car garage, right? Like, no matter what your situation, you there are still things that we all need to do and accomplish, and uh, you know, just check off that list almost every day to be able to be a functioning member of society, let alone take care of the people in our own home. So I thought a lot about these conversations that I've been having lately, and I'm not saying I have all the answers here, of course not. However, I have four children under the age of seven, you know, I've got a husband, we've got pets, and a home, right? Like I feel like I've at this point have sort of mastered down a lot of little systems and habits and um whatever you want to call it to run a home not perfectly, but relatively smooth, like relatively hiccup-free, and things come up emergencies, illness, you know, it's just life. However, I thought a lot about each of these four parts and sort of they it sort of took organic shape. And so today I wanted to focus specifically on microhabits, just like tiny little behaviors that can keep a home running. And uh you'll tune in next week for the daily and weekly flow, which is like our foundation, and then part two will be projects, decluttering and consumption, because I feel I feel like those three really go hand in hand. And then part three, uh, or no, I'm sorry, part four is going to be seasonal flow and like the long view. But I feel like we can't really talk about uh daily, weekly flow, projects of decluttering and consumption, and a seasonal flow without talking about tiny habits and behaviors, right? Because before we get into planners and weekly mapping and seasonal resets um and how to run your home in a calm and capable way, we have to talk about something much, much, much smaller, and that is our microhabits. Because a peaceful home is not built on like big heroic cleaning sprees or elaborate organizational systems. It's built on these tiny little decisions that we make hundreds of times a day. Like from the moment when you leave a room and grab, it's like the moment you leave the room and grab the dirty socks off the floor, the moment you decide to rinse the bowl instead of just leaving it in the sink, the moment when you toss the junk mail in the trash instead of just setting it on the counter, the decision to hang up your keys instead of just tossing them on the table. Like these small little decisions don't feel important in the moment, but over the course of days, weeks, and years, they definitely compound. And so if you're trying to create a home that feels calm, orderly, and supportive, which I think most of us would say we want to aspire to, right? I mean, I can't imagine anyone that would say, especially with little kids in their home, no, I want my home to feel chaotic, disorganized, and quite frankly, just a mess, right? Like, especially because most of us are in the thick of moth motherhood. These tiny microhabits matter more than anything else before we can talk about how to plan our days and our weeks, right? Because if you don't have the backbone of these tiny little microhabits, it all these systems are not gonna do anything for you. So that is why in this series, we are starting today with microhabits. And there is a book that explains this idea beautifully. I'm sure you've heard of it. It is called Atomic Habits by James Clear, and I recommend it constantly to anyone in my life. One of the core ideas in this book is that you don't necessarily rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. And I do want to add something else for context of motherhood and running a home, is that systems only work if the behaviors exist to support them. So I'm gonna say that one more time. Systems only work if the behaviors exist to support them. So again, before we move forward in this series, which I think could really help if you are feeling that chaos and overload and overwhelm. Um, and again, before we can dive into planners and rhythms and re weekly structures, we have to talk about behavior because systems plus behavior equals a sustainable home. Okay, so circling back to atomic habits, if you've never read it, it's one of the most practical books ever written about behavior change. It explains clearly why small actions repeated consistently matter far more than big bursts of motivation. And so the book isn't about productivity in like a hustle culture sense. It's more about understanding how habits actually form and how small adjustments in your daily environment and routines can make good habits easier and bad habits harder. It's incredibly readable, full of practical examples, and one of those rare books that genuinely changes the way that you will look at your daily life. And so I recommend it to almost anyone, not just mothers, or it's a fantastic book. Please, please, please go get it. Okay, so now one of the most powerful ideas from James Clear is this habits are the compound interest of self-improvement. So just like money compounds in the bank, the habits compound in your life that you implement. And so small improvements done consistently lead to massive results over time. And in motherhood, this shows up everywhere. So think about it this way: if you do 10 super small resets a day, that's 3,650 resets in a year. And imagine the difference between a home that gets reset 3,650 times a year versus a home that waits for one giant Sunday cleaning session. And when I talk about small, tiny resets, that could be as simple as setting a two-minute timer and just putting laundry in the laundry bin, trash in the trash, uh, you know, like little tiny, it doesn't have to take more than two, three, four minutes, right? But if you consistently get in the habit of doing small little resets, it I just I promise it makes a humongous difference. And one principle that I really love about just keeping an organized home and calm environment is the one-minute rule. And it's a simple habit that can change the entire feel of a home. So again, I think we've all heard this before, but if something takes less than a minute to do, do it now, right? So small examples of this, you're gonna hang up your coat instead of just tossing it on the bench. You're going to put the dish directly in the dishwasher instead of leaving it in the sink. You're going to wipe down the counters, you're going to toss junk mail immediately, you're going to return scissors to the drawer that they came from. So these tasks, again, they feel so insignificant in the moment, but when we delay them, they sort of like accumulate into visible clutter and mental stress. Another big one is it's really easy to toss clean laundry on a chair and say, I'll get to it later. But in reality, I mean, how long could it possibly take to fold and put away maybe a minute and a half, right? So just do it then so you don't have to deal with it later. Because if you keep putting these decisions off and you're like, ugh, I'll, you know, grab that dirty diaper and the you know, dirty pants on the floor and the sippy cup, I'll just get it all later. And then your kids play in their room and then it becomes a mess. And then you walk back into the room, and now there are like lots of things that need to get done in order to like reset that room. Whereas if you just get in the habit of like, okay, you're leaving that room anyway, you might as well take out the diaper, the laundry that needs to be put away. You know what I mean? Like, and then drop that sippy cup, not just in the sink, but put it in the dishwasher, like you know, do the full task. These are small little things that could take a minute and it makes a big difference, right? Okay. And that sort of ties into my philosophy of never leaving a room empty-handed, especially if you live in a home that has stairs. So we get into the habit of leaving rooms and taking things back to where they belong. Um, a lot of times maybe I don't feel like running up or down the stairs. We have a three-level home. And so if I know like these, you know, four items actually belong in the basement and they've like migrated their way all the way up to our top floor. Maybe I don't want to take them all the way down. So I'll kind of like leave a small pile by the basement stairs. And then the next time I'm running down to the basement to grab something or do something, I will take that little pile with me, right? Like I never want to leave a room empty-handed or deal with piles later because piles have a way of multiplying. And if you don't take care of it, it's so like clutter and piles multiply. Like it's kind of wild. But I promise, if you don't take the time to do it, then you're going, it's going to look so overwhelming. And when you walk past it or into a different room, it's just gonna start building and really great on you, and then you do feel like you're behind, like, why can't I keep this house in order? You know what I mean? Like, it's just one of those small things. And so, again, never leaving a room empty-handed is one of the most powerful microhabits for maintaining your home. So, again, anytime you leave a room, you're gonna do a quick scan and you're going to ask where something belongs, right? Like you're gonna ask yourself. So, again, like leaving your baby's room, you're gonna grab that used diaper, you're gonna grab the sippy cup that needs to be in the dishwasher, you're gonna grab the dirty pajamas, leaving the living room, you're gonna grab those stray socks, you're gonna move that toy back into the basket, you're gonna take your empty coffee cup back to the kitchen, and you're not cleaning the house, right? Like you're not spraying or doing any steps, you're just preventing disorder from spreading and again multiplying because we all know it has a way. And another powerful concept from atomic habits is something called habit stacking. And so, James Clear writes that the best way to build a new habit is to tie it into an existing one. I think this concept is so good. So instead of trying to create a brand new routine from scratch, you're just going to attach small behaviors to things that you already do. So, a couple of examples I can give you. After I start my coffee in the morning, I'm going to unload part of the dishwasher. After my kids brush their teeth, I'm gonna wipe down the bathroom counters. After starting laundry, I'm gonna do a two-minute pickup of the playroom that's right outside of the laundry room. After dinner, I'm going to immediately reset the kitchen, right? So you're attaching a new habit to something that you're already doing. And that way it's just easy to remember, right? Or I gave an example to my cousin who feels so behind on emails. After she eats lunch and puts away the plate and the fork or whatever utensils she's using, she's gonna sit down and do 10 minutes of emails, right? Just like attaching a habit to something you're already doing naturally. Um, and so uh piggying piggybacking off of that, another really powerful microhabit in a home is the five-minute reset. So you're gonna pick a moment in the day, maybe it's mid morning, maybe it's right before dinner. Um, you're just going to set a timer for again, two, three, four, five minutes, like just something so low-key. And you're gonna focus on high traffic areas like your kitchen counters, your living room floor, uh, entryway surfaces. And again, no one's deep cleaning here. You're not, you're not decluttering, you're not doing anything other than just interrupting the spread of clutter. I have time timers in almost every room. I think I've mentioned them a hundred times on this podcast before. They're excellent for children. I love using them for myself. And a lot of times, and even though I do resets throughout my day with my little kids home, as soon as my big kids get home from school, they toss backpacks that their lunch boxes need to get reset. They pull out paper that's either homework or permission slips or something I have to sign. Uh, there's like artwork that needs to be either tossed or hung up because we're maybe gonna save it. Um, I'm in the middle of cooking dinner, like as soon as my big big kids get home, it's just like a tornado of just stuff. And sometimes it is very easy to get overwhelmed, even though I am like a power micro tidier and micro reset person. And then when my kids get home, I'm just like, oh my gosh. So almost without fail, I will set a timer for myself for five minutes and then I will sign the permission slips, sit um, and kind of monitor my daughter doing homework. I will throw away paperwork that my kids do not need. I will grab the lunchboxes and I will put them in the sink. I will reset the lunch boxes, refill the water, you know what I mean? Like I'm doing as much as I possibly can in those five minutes to give myself like a big deep breath, knowing that when those five minutes are over, I am going to feel so much better. Okay, so never underestimate the power of five-minute reset. Okay, identity-based habits. Um, this is another fantastic idea from Atomic Habits, and it's the concept of identity-based habits. And so James Clear writes that every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. So instead of saying I'm trying to keep my house clean, you're going to begin to think, I am the kind of person who resets a room when I leave it. Right? Do you see the difference? Or like, I'm the kind of person who starts my day with a made bed. Because then you begin to visualize the type of person who naturally does these things. And then your habits become small votes for that identity. Um, so another really good example is the piles. I know so many people that are just overwhelmed with all of the piles of whatever it is, right? Like surface areas have a way, flat surfaces have a way of just collecting things throughout the day. And it's totally normal and it's a part of life, right? Like we are not living in a show home, uh, right? Like daily life just has stuff. Like, okay, so I'm recording this podcast in my bedroom, and my husband is working from home all day today, and uh he happens to work in our bedroom because uh our house is not large enough for an office space, so whatever. He we have a really nice reclining chair and like a little credenza next to it that kind of like serves as like a makeshift office. And I'm looking around and I'm looking at the dresser next to this like little like faux office area, and his wallet is there because he needed to do something that required his credit card this morning, um, his empty coffee cup from this morning, and his napkin. And on the credenza is just filled with notes, paper, a pencil, a folder, a couple books that he's in the middle of, uh, and his work bag, right? Like he's just like like a person, like a like a living person. But the difference is like I know that at the end of the day, he's going to reset and put all of those things away and back into their home and not just leave it there. Because imagine if he just left it there, could you even imagine? Like, then the piles will begin to multiply. You know what I mean? Like it's just one of those things. And so I wanted to finish up this episode with giving you 20 motherhood microhabits, uh, just small other examples that can compound into a really peaceful home. Okay, so we already talked about a couple of these, but we're number one, we're never going to leave a room empty-handed, even if it's only one thing, right? Like maybe next time I go downstairs, I'm gonna grab that coffee cup and that napkin. Um, number two is to make the bed every morning. That just sets the tone in a good place. Be that person who makes their bed every morning. Trust me, that makes a humongous difference, humongous difference. Habit three is to start one load of laundry early in the day. Habit four, reset the kitchen after every meal. Again, set a timer. It doesn't have to be any more than two, three, four, five minutes. Number five, going through the mail immediately. Either the trash, recycling, or throw it in a basket and tackle it once a week. But do not leave it on the counters. It will get lost or like start to multiply your piles. Number six, do a five-minute reset mid-morning. Number seven, wipe down the bathroom sink after brushing your teeth. Number eight, check the family calendar every morning. Nine, put shoes back immediately after entering the home in addition to hanging up jackets and purses. Number five, empty the dishwasher either first thing in the morning or the last thing you do before you go to bed. Number 11, move laundry immediately when the cycle finishes so you don't forget about it. What is worse than moldy, stanky laundry. Number 12, put toys back before leaving a room, number which is easier said than done. I know how little kids are. Number 13, reset couch pillows before bedtime. Number 14, toss expired food in your fridge or pantry when you see it. Number 15, refill water bottles the night before so you're not scrambling and packing your kids' water bottles in the morning. Number 16, hang up and fold your laundry. Do not let it pile on a chair. Number 17, take out the trash in your car once you arrive back home. And a really quick tip to help you with this. Um, I we've we haven't always had a garage. We've lived in some uh townhouses where we, you know, parked in a parking lot or a carport or whatever. But at this juncture in our lives, we're fortunate enough to have a garage, and I keep a full-size trash can in the garage. And as soon as I park, I gather all the trash and just dump it there. So I don't even bring the trash back into my home. It has made a humongous difference in keeping my car trash free. Another tip is anytime you pump your gas, there are trash cans everywhere. Just empty your car of trash right then and there. Number 18, do a two, three, four, five-minute toy sweep before dinner. Uh, you would be surprised we always, always have toys that have some somehow migrated into the kitchen throughout the day. Um, even with all those little tiny resets that I do. My kids just like love bringing their toys in different places and it's totally fine, but I don't want to move, have to move toys out of my way to cook dinner. So I will do a quick sweep before I get started on cooking. Number 19 is to wipe down your kitchen counters before bed. And number 20 is to prepare tomorrow's backpack, diaper bag, purse, work bag the night before. And none of these habits singled out are dramatic, but altogether they change the entire rhythm of a home. And so this is why we had to start here before the planners, before the weekly rhythms, before the seasonal resets, because systems alone cannot run a home. No matter how great your systems are, if you do not have the behavior to follow through on this, you have nothing. So behavior is the thing that matters. You can have the most beautiful planner and the most thoughtful system in the world, but if the tiny daily habits are not there to support it, the entire system is going to collapse. So before we move forward in this series about designing rhythms for your home, we had to address the behavioral behavioral foundation. Because at the end of the day, again, your systems plus your behavior equals a sustainable home. I could not recommend Atomic Habits more. It's by James Clear. Please go get a copy from your library. Um, they're available everywhere. It's a book that's been out, gosh, is it coming up on 10 years? It's been a while. Um, and honestly, I could use a refresh myself. Um, it's been a very, very long time since I read the book, but it's something that I think about constantly, and I think about any behaviors or patterns that I feel like need to change around here, especially since our homes are constantly in a state of change, right? Kids grow, uh, needs, wants, desires, all these things shift and evolve with time. And one system won't always work it from one season to another, right? So, again, it's just really good to learn your behaviors and how to implement a better strategy to move forward. Because again, I think at the end of the day, we all want a peaceful, sustainable home. And one Of the only ways to do it is to really put a microscope on your behavior and see where you could improve. Because again, your systems are going to mean nothing until your behavior changes. So thank you guys so much for tuning in. I'm really excited for the rest of the series. And please tune back next week because that is where we're going to talk about our daily and weekly flow, but not until you get your microhabits under control. So if there's anything, I'm going to list some of the microhabits in the show notes. Please try to implement at least I don't know, 15 out of the 20. Like, let's just start with like some microhabits here, and then we can talk about our daily and weekly flow. Thank you guys again for tuning in, and I'll see you back here next week.