More Than a Lesson Plan: Parenting While Homeschooling (Encore) | Ep. 174

This encore episode takes you inside the everyday world of homeschooling and parenting. From navigating sibling tension and academic pressures to embracing individuality and battling comparison, we explore what it means to raise kids while doing school under your roof—and why it matters for all parents, no matter your educational path.

Transcript

0:06

Parenting is never one size fits all. And when school happens at home, the layers multiply in this encore episode of the Parenting Podcast. I'm sitting down with my friend Michelle, to talk about what it's really like to teach and raise your kids in the same space every day. Whether or not you homeschool. This conversation offers something for every parent about pressure, presence, sibling dynamics. And finding grace in the middle of it all. I'm Cheryl Lang and I'm so glad you're here. Let's settle in and get started.

Cheryl (2): 1:01

Today We're Finishing up our mini series. On what it's like to parent in the various educational choices. Mm hmm. And so done public and private school and today we're going to tackle homeschooling. Yeah we have Michelle. Johnson back in here with us

Carol: 1:18

again.

Cheryl (2): 1:19

Yeah, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad to be here.

Carol: 1:21

We've got Michelle in because she is a homeschooler. Yes. We're not going to talk about why you would or wouldn't want to homeschool, but what it's like to parent. When you have homeschooling kids. Yes. Alright, so tell us a little bit about yourself and your family. Okay.

michelle: 1:39

Um, I am married to Brian and we've been married 18 years. And both of us were public schooled.

Cheryl: 1:45

Yeah.

1:46

and your children? Four kids. I have my oldest. I turned 14 not too long ago, and I have an 11 year old, a 7 year old, and a 5 year old who is about to turn 6. We're kind of in the birthday season, so it's like one month after the other. So you are in the school years. Yes. Front to back. I have kindergarten all the way to 8th grade and in between, so it's a lot you know, it's fun learning.

Cheryl: 2:14

You have a whole lot of Spare time on your hands.

Ellen: 2:17

Fun.

Cheryl: 2:20

Okay, it is back to school. So how do you do it? Do you just, do you just? Mingle all year long or just personally, how does your family do that? And do you have back to school

michelle: 2:30

traditions? Yeah, it's kind of looked different every year Really it looked different when I was having babies because I was having to kind of school throughout the year I'm all year long just to kind of make up for having babies and all the things but then we've gotten into a different rhythm and lately and just this year we took off the full summer and It really was the right decision. I needed that good summer long break. Everyone needed that break. But getting back into the routine, we started last week, started school up again. It was really fun. It was, it was a fun first week. It's actually, kind of mommy's practice week.

Cheryl: 3:10

you mean practice from an academic viewpoint

michelle: 3:12

Just our routine, the whole schedule, what it looks like,, where everything lines up and So that first day, it's kind of like Christmas, um, I really like to gather all the school supplies instead of us going shopping, I do the shopping, and I find the markers and things or just find really cool pens, things that the kids I know will like. And then I, set out, like I, this year we're studying ancient history, so I found some ancient history coloring books, So it's all set out on the breakfast table when they wake up. Oh, fun. And I pick out like, some of the fun science y things we're going to do. I bought this building construction kit for one of my kids. So they each have like something special and they kind of get like the full picture of what that year is going to cover, with some of the books that I have laid out and some of the supplies And, we have a special breakfast and, we do all the pictures, you know, first day of school signs, take the picture. We want to participate in that. Kind of get your feet wet for the year. Yes, it's a slow start for me and it helps me so I have to adjust a lot. It's a lot of adjusting, flexing to, what the schedule actually is going to look like

Christie: 4:23

Okay. So you've got, like you said, from kindergarten to eighth graders. And so I'm sure as they've gotten older, they don't need you as much for their school staffs. How do you balance that connection with each child? Uh, having different times of attention given during the school day and then in the evenings. Do you balance that out with just relationally? Yeah. Relationally. Connecting with the older kids.

Cheryl: 4:48

How do you balance being teacher, being mom? Yeah. Because we're in here talking about the mom aspect of it. Yes. How do you do that in relationships with you

michelle: 4:59

and the kids? Well. really, being a homeschool mom is just a lifestyle, and so I don't feel like I'm wearing two different hats, although it is that that's happening. Okay, so talk to me more about that. Explain some more. What do you mean it's a lifestyle? You know, I am the teacher for my kids, but it's just, you know, school is just part of what we do. We also do chores. We also go out to the park. We also, play together and we do math together. We do reading together. And so it's just all kind of encompassed. Obviously, I have to be the one that's teaching them reading lessons, and I have to be the one like training them to learn how to become independent, and I think that has been something that has been really wonderful. Like you're saying, with older kids, they have become independent because I've been I've taken the time to say, um, okay, let's look at what you are capable of doing on your own. I think that this will work for you. What do you think? Let's put this on a list. Yeah. So it's a lot of like training. This is what you do in this situation. there's a lot of moving pieces, Yeah

Cheryl (2): 6:09

So

Christie: 6:09

everything is really integrated. Yes. Character, academics.

6:14

Yes.

Christie: 6:14

Growth, growing up, all of those things are all integrated.

Cheryl: 6:18

And what you alluded to, I think, um, It's one of the concerns people have about

laughter: 6:24

homeschooling

Cheryl: 6:24

is that the children aren't becoming independent and you know, it's the releasing process, that we talk about here all the time, that that's what parenting is. And I hear you taking active steps in that. I think you're really, parenting well in that because that's where the parent takes over and says, no, my job is to release you, you know, to be an autonomous person.

Ellen: 6:48

In a good way. Yeah. Because you can't be everything for every child. So you have to help them to learn, okay, you can go do this by yourself.

6:57

Right. it was really encouraging today, actually, one of my, It's good to hear. Yeah. I need those moments. my kindergartner, she received some sidewalk chalk because she got through a certain number of reading lessons and she really wanted to go outside in the driveway and start coloring and I said, I can't be out there with you, so you're going to have to wait until later in the day where I can be with you. Yeah. And um, one of my kids said, Hey, you know what, I can take my schoolwork out there and just Wow. Watch and make sure they're fine. I was like, oh my word yes. That at least do that. It was so great. But I feel like I'm seeing snippets of that. Yeah. The independence coming out and them recognizing and becoming aware that. Oh, there are needs that I can step into. Having a role to play in the family,

Christie: 7:42

that's something I was wanting to hear you talk about too is how the sibling dynamics happen, how you parent sibling relationships and help them with that. It sounds like you're doing something right to get them to take initiative like

michelle: 7:56

that. You know, we've had so much time together that they've really learned to be good friends. Now that doesn't mean that they don't fight. They're normal kids, right? So we do have that. going on too, but, last year I assigned one of my kids to be with one of the younger ones and he was in charge of, you know, reading to that child or playing games for a certain amount of time and that helped a lot and I think You know, having those opportunities to be able to say, Hey, this is your sibling that you get to play with right now, has helped build those friendships. And it builds

Ellen: 8:33

maturity into your children as the older one helps the younger one. They learn to cooperate

8:39

yeah, and the younger

Ellen: 8:40

one learns to get along with the older one, even

8:42

though they're. in charge. Right. And I don't ever feel that my kids are looking at my younger ones as like, an annoyance. They've been able to own the fact that they are older and can take care of their needs. And

Christie: 8:57

I bet that really It just builds the older ones in confidence. I know, like, in public school they do similar, they'll have buddies, you know, they go and read to the younger kids, and I just think older kids get a confidence in maybe where they felt weak when they realize how far they've come, that they can help, turn around and help somebody that's coming up behind them. Yeah, I guess I didn't really think about having a buddy system at all, but that's kind of what

Cheryl: 9:20

it is. Okay, and that's it. And I'm listening to you talk and thinking about all the dynamics all day long, and you're having to not just deal with math issues and reading issues and all that. So that's the educational part, but that adds to your load, Michelle. And that's one of my concerns is what do you do to fight for Your own self care earlier. You were talking about we took off the whole summer and you said I really needed that. Yes, and I loved hearing that so can you talk about how it's evolved? Were you always this good at taking care of yourself? If not Talk us walk us through that.

10:00

Uh, you know, there are definitely been seasons where it's been harder to take care of myself Especially when you have babies and toddlers Yeah, you kind of feel like you're just in this pit that you can't get out of sometimes because you're so tired and now I have to try to do school with my kids and and handle these little babies and figure out. How did you

Cheryl: 10:24

handle that? Did you just get your way through the mess or did you have techniques or bring somebody into it

10:31

or what did you do? Well, I did learn really quickly to take advantage of nap time. So, um, once my toddlers were napping that's when we would actually do some of the school work because if I didn't have that and I tried to do it all at the same time, then literally I had one time where my two year old dumped like a huge bottle of Elmer's glue and I'm not talking about the little school supply bottle, but like the huge one. We still have crunchy carpet I realized, no, this is not working. I cannot do school. I have to be able to give him the attention he needs and then figure out, you know, work around that.

Ellen: 11:09

All the different education models have, you know, unique challenges, good and bad with them all, and ultimately you have to pick what works for you. But I was going to ask you kind of a personal question. How do you, refresh yourself? You know, what do you do to kind of bring yourself up after a long day or a long week? What are some of the practices that you have that help?

11:32

Yeah. I do like to go on walks and usually at the end of the day, I'm starting to get weary. Um, it's right around bedtime when I think, I bet I just don't know if I can do that time. Just more is required of me and I don't know if I have it left. so I do have a lot of times where I tell my husband, Hey, I think I really need to go walk. Are you good with that? i'm kind of taking over for a little bit. I'll be back to help, but I just need a break. You're not running away. I'm not leaving forever. That's good reassurance. I

Ellen: 12:03

promised

laughter: 12:04

I would

Cheryl: 12:07

return.

Ellen: 12:08

You take care of yourself.

Christie: 12:10

Oh, that's great. I bet your husband finds great comfort in you saying you will be back.

12:15

my husband has been a huge support system for me and he can tell when I'm just dragging Yeah. And he'll say, just go take a walk or, you know, let me just take care of them on Saturday and you go do something for yourself. We've been able to build that in and that just really helps me a lot. Taking a walk at the end of the day is a real gift. just. Like 30 minutes by myself. Really? What I really need to be by myself.

Christie: 12:39

Well, and you're modeling that for your kids. Your kids are seeing the importance of caring for your own needs. Yes. Yeah. And that they are not the center of your world, even though you do spend so much time with them. Mm-Hmm. that you're still human and that you still have to care for yourself.

michelle: 12:53

Well, and I. Too, when I start getting really irritable and cranky you know, my kids don't need that they need a mom. That's, you know, not feeling that way all the time. Right. And of course that's just normal. We're gonna all feel that. And like you said, they're gonna see that and see how I handle that. And I have to apologize a lot. Mm-Hmm. Yeah. I have to say, I'm sorry, I just, I didn't handle that well. Can we start over?

Christie: 13:13

Wow. That is. Such superb parenting. Yeah. We need a whole episode on apologies to your children. Yeah. But

Cheryl: 13:21

that's, that's why I think it's one of the best things anyone could ever do in parenting is sincere apology. And it sounds like you're seeing a lot of opportunities to do

michelle: 13:31

that. Well, even this morning, the day was just derailed. There were just so many things that happened. I can't even describe, but, you know, I had them all sit down at the table and I said, guys, We just need to start over. Can we just talk about what just happened? Let's talk about how we can get started on a better path. And that really helped ground me too, because I know that,

Cheryl (2): 13:53

So, you know, one of the things is there are pros and cons of all the educational choices.

Cheryl: 13:58

Yes. Right

Cheryl (2): 14:00

All right. So if someone were considering homeschooling or they're in homeschooling, what would be some of the parenting challenges and how would you speak into that from a parenting aspect when your kids are homeschooled, they're going to be unique issues.

14:14

Yeah. First of all, that it takes a lot out of yourself. it's, it's definitely a sacrificial, choice to do this because like we said, everything's integrated. You need to have a support group. You need to have people in your life. that will speak into just encouraging you, that give you wisdom, people who are not only in the same season of life, but I have found so much value in tapping into other moms that have gone before me, who have actually graduated homeschool kids, um, who are maybe a couple of, you know, seasons, before me that have older high schoolers, and I'm learning from them. Those are the things that I think for any parent to be looking at and finding wise. Yeah, people that can speak into your life because we all need that. We need people have gone before us.

Christie: 15:09

So, I've got a little, uh, creative exercise for you. Yeah. If you could go back 14, 15 years ago and tell your young mom self. Something before you were homeschooling your children? Yeah. What do you think you'd tell her? What, what advice or warnings or thoughts would you give

Christie (2): 15:29

her?

15:29

As a person, as a parent, I think to have patience. Patience with my children in their progress. I wanted to see immediate, progress in whatever it was.

Cheryl: 15:41

what you're saying through all of this. Is how much homeschooling has helped to change your character, which you're living out in front of your children.

michelle: 15:50

yes, yeah,

Cheryl: 15:52

And one other thing I wanted to go back to, you talked earlier about wanting to spend one on one time with one of your children.

michelle: 15:58

Yeah, I mean, if you are stepping into that space of homeschooling, yes, building that relationship is a huge, huge deal. Because if you don't have a relationship, Um, they're not going to want to listen to you when you're trying to teach them how to add numbers together. Who cares? If you don't love me, if you don't respect me as a person and see me as a person, then why would I want to listen to you? You know,

Cheryl: 16:23

what I've heard from you is a quality of grace And transparency. And humility that you're willing to say, oh, I blew it again. Mm-Hmm. you know? Mm-Hmm. And I think homeschooling gives you a lot of opportunities to say that. Yes. Yes. Mm-Hmm. It does.

Christie: 16:36

Yeah. So I, I think with that, some of the hardship could be, I know all families have personality differences between parent and child or just family members that butt heads and all the togetherness that you're appreciating, It would be hard because there's no, no escape or no other outlet. So, how have you handled that, or have you had that experience?

michelle: 17:01

Um, you were talking about personalities. So, what came to my mind is that, when I first started as a parent, I, Had an idea that my kids would be like me Welcome to the crowd. You just

Cheryl: 17:17

joined the club here. Yeah

michelle: 17:19

Um, you know, i'm a pretty easygoing person. I I don't get ruffled too easily uh, I just kind of go with the flow and as I I started having kids, I realized very quickly, those personalities were not shaping out to be the way that I You aren't a Xerox copy machine, yeah.

Cheryl: 17:39

Yeah, I

michelle: 17:39

mean, just the way I process things is not how my kids were processing things, and I was really getting frustrated about that. I just didn't understand them, and that was really hard. But The more I've done this whole thing and, and been a parent, you know, I've really learned that that is a gift from God that each child really is a person.

18:05

To really embrace the uniqueness of each child and know that just because they think differently than you do, doesn't mean that there's anything wrong, that there's God has made them that way,

michelle: 18:20

They have their unique qualities, their strengths, their weaknesses. I have my own strengths and weaknesses.

Christie: 18:25

Yeah.

michelle: 18:26

Um, and that I can embrace that and I can, work with what is there and really cheer on. What they're good at, work through the things that are hard, and understand that it's okay. It's okay that we're different because it would be boring if we were all the same. Um, but it has challenged me for sure. You know, when I have a child that, butts up against something that I'm asking them to do. I don't understand why you aren't just doing what I said. Right. Because you're a rule Yeah, those things really have been hard and I've had to work through that. I do have one child that's very, very passionate and, Emotions just, you know, are really intense at times and, you know, I've learned over time how to handle it. Whereas before I would get so upset because why are you acting like this? but I've learned, you know, they just have to have their moment of intense anger or, or whatever it is. And I leave them alone for a few minutes, and then I'll let them calm down, and then I'll approach them and say, Hey, can we talk about this? let's go over what just happened here. and, you know, Usually now sometimes it still doesn't even work. I mean, I have to get more time or I have to figure out another plan But I'm able to step in and have a conversation whereas before I just would get so ruffled about it. Yeah, and it just went south so quickly, and I could never figure out how to get out of that whole horrible mess that I was,

Christie: 20:03

I love that because what I hear you saying is that you learned that you need to celebrate them as individuals rather than trying to push them into a box of expectations. And I think that's just going to give your kids so much freedom to grow in the areas that may be weaknesses and to continue to grow in their areas of success and strength. And I just, I love that. That's so, so good. Yeah. Well, and one of our girls is. More vibrant and expressive and it, you know, when they were young, it was sometimes the challenge of my day as passionate, like you said, as they were, and, you know, she's not in the home now and it's kind of quiet and so some of those things that were challenging for me when they were young they grew to be the greatest strengths and the things I love about them most with a little bit of maturity, you know, it just takes time. Uh huh. I completely

Cheryl: 20:56

agree with

Christie: 20:56

that.

Cheryl: 20:57

That's very good. That is so good.

Christie: 20:58

Well, yeah. And I'm thinking as you're saying that, something that all parents, I, every parent I've met struggles with. Mm hmm. Comparison and guilt.

21:09

Oh for sure

Christie: 21:09

and so I love what you're saying I mean talk more about how your experience with mom guilt and comparison because yeah what you're saying is is kind of the End result that we all want to get to of seeing each child as an individual and celebrating Then without comparing to others and

Cheryl: 21:27

I would think for a homeschooler that would really be on steroids right, struggle with it in parenting right, you know comparing our children and then now you're the teacher You're the entire educational Institution have you felt a lot of pressure of comparison from family friends and family

michelle: 21:47

It's more internal comparison that I struggle with in my mind. I'm not doing enough. I, uh, I'm failing them. Uh, you know, fear that I'm not giving them what they need. Uh, and usually that comes when I've looked outside of what I'm doing and looking at other people. You know, each family has their unique qualities you know, I, I'm really great at art. I'm not saying like super professional artist or anything, I just really like art. Yeah. And so, you know, we enjoy doing art together. Yeah. But I, I look at another family and they are excelling in science or, or they're excelling in. You know, whatever technology, and so I start to get nervous and goodness, like, and forgetting that they're looking at

Christie: 22:32

you wishing they were great at art. Yeah. Yeah. Some more white glue.

Cheryl: 22:40

So Michelle, that's real what you're saying. How have you dealt with that? What encouragement we give to

Cheryl (2): 22:46

other parents who are in your situation, what would you say to them?

michelle: 22:50

Oh man, I, I think that just going back to, you know, why are you doing this in the first place was brought you to this point and, and reviewing that. And then also recognizing that you're doing the best that you can for, where you're at and your kids are getting what they need because God put you as their mom or their dad. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. They have just the right people

Cheryl: 23:17

and all of that, it doesn't matter what your educational choice is. Right. Right. For all parents. Or what's your children's age. That's absolutely excellent advice for all of us. Yeah. At any stage. And we are out of time. Michelle, is there anything else you wanted to add?

23:34

you know, I say if you are considering homeschooling, it really is wonderful, it's worth it, it's worth it. It's, it's challenging, just like any other decision, with your kids, with whatever you're doing when you're parenting. It's a great path to be on. And as a parent, you really grow and you start to recognize things in yourself that you didn't know was there. Good or bad. Exactly. Good or bad. And it really is an opportunity to grow and get close to your kids. That's

Cheryl: 24:07

fantastic. Yeah. Wow. a Wow. and you have just summarized what parenting is.

Christie: 24:13

yeah.

Cheryl: 24:14

What a great wrap up.

Christie: 24:15

Yeah. It's been great. I love your perspective and the freedom that you speak into, parenting in this type of education. And I just, I've loved this series in general, just being able to hear everyone's perspectives and diffuse some of the comparison, like we talked about and just talk about the, um, the challenges that we all face in parenting, regardless of how we educate. Right.

Cheryl: 24:39

As we're wrapping this up to say,

Christie: 24:40

And it was

Cheryl: 24:41

very clear, their educational choices didn't affect what great parenting they did. Right. Because they're all just knocking it out of the park. That's right. Well done, mom. Keep up the good work. Well, Michelle, thank you so much for coming in. And so I think as I'm listening to all of this, parenting is parenting.

michelle: 25:01

Yeah.

Cheryl: 25:01

We all have

michelle: 25:02

our

Cheryl: 25:02

challenges. Uh huh. And parents, remember, hang in there, keep loving, keep persevering, because it's worth it. Homeschooling may look different from other educational paths, but as Michelle reminded us at its core, it's still about showing up, loving deeply, and growing alongside your kids. As we close this Encore many series, our hope is that these conversations haven't just offered insight. But have helped you to feel seen, encouraged to keep going wherever your family finds itself, because parenting is still parenting. Whether your kids are homeschooled in public school, private school, or somewhere in between, we'd love to hear from you. Visit our website. Find us on social media, or email us at contact@theparentingpodcast.com. Until next time. Remember, wherever your children learn, every day is a new lesson, and your love is the greatest teacher.