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The Parenting Podcast
The Parenting Podcast
When Music Lives in Their Earbuds: Parenting in the 2020s | Ep. 188
In the age of streaming and earbuds, music is shaping our kids in ways we don’t always see. A mom and music teacher joins us to talk about helping kids choose well, listen wisely, and stay connected through the noise.
Resources mentioned: Soltani music.com
We used to share music as a family, flipping radio stations, playing CDs, or maybe even a favorite tape. Now it's personal, private, and endless. Our kids are forming their own world. One playlist at a time. So how do we parent when the sound track never stops? I am Cheryl Lang and today on the Parenting Podcast, I'm sitting down again with my friend Andrea, a mom, musician, and longtime teacher to talk about what it looks like to guide our kids through music in the 2020's where the noise never ends, so connection matters more. Than ever.
Cheryl new:Listeners, we have Andrea Soltani back here in the studio again.
o:Welcome. Thank you.
Cheryl New (2):She was here before talking about music in the home and lessons and a more traditional approach to how we integrate music into our homes. And then the three of us got talking and we realized what we wanna talk about. Is how in the world do we as parents navigate music in the 2020s? Mm-hmm. Um, because as a mom i had it a lot simpler. So when mine were little growing up, we had radio, you could have first, cassette tapes, then CDs, and um, there was MTV, but. MTV just wasn't a part of our life. Mm-hmm. But you could really have a lot more control as a parent. right. and so it's so much more complicated now. Yeah. Yes. I wanted to ask y'all let's process a little bit, what have been your experiences and the idea of. Earbuds on all the time. We are inundated by music. Yeah, everywhere. Every streaming platform. Spotify, TikTok, YouTube, Every speaker in every place you go to. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's everywhere.
Christie:Right. So
Cheryl new:what are your experiences and what do y'all think?
Christie:Well, I had a conversation with one of my daughters the other day that illustrates this. She, I have a 19 and a 21-year-old still living at home, and my 21-year-old came into the house, and I was just doing things around the house with no music, no podcasts, nothing, just silence, sorry, love, you know, the beauty of silence. And she's like, mom, how do you do stuff without music on? Because she's always got something playing. So it's true. It's, it's very much a generational thing. And,
Cheryl new:and I wonder It would be really interesting, and I don't know if either of y'all know what you just brought up, because my kids would say the same thing. I have to have music on if I'm going to study. Mm mm-hmm. And it's just really interesting because we just didn't have that option. I mean, there was radio. Mm-hmm. Or actually what vinyls used to be called records. Mm-hmm. But there were silence when we studied. So in defense
Andrea:of listening to music while you study, I'm gonna get, I'm, I'm, yes. Be the representative. I'm really interested in this topic. Yes. Yeah. The Einstein kids or whatever. Yeah. Uh, Einstein babies. Okay. Actually, that's kind of some false marketing because there's Yeah. Know, there's tons of scientific research that shows that, um, listening to classical music does not make you smarter. Okay. But there is research that has proven that. Listening to classical music. It doesn't have to be Mozart, but classical, high classical music in that genre can help you focus. That's because music lights up different areas of your brain, and so that you're engaging both right and left side of your brain, and so that actually helps you learn. Faster and helps you focus more so, but I would argue that potentially listening to a different kind of music Mm Classical music's great because there are no words. So you're getting an environment of music, a sound environment, right. That's very like happy and upbeat and encouraging. Mm-hmm. And promoting that focus, but you're not distracting with moody lyrics or dramatic. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like really emotional type music. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah,
Christie:no, that makes a lot of sense. That the. Instrumental music would do something very different than having mm-hmm. Another voice talking in your head. Right. And putting other words while you're trying to read that, that's never made much sense to me how I can hear the lyrics and read a book at the same time.
Andrea:Right, right. I'm the same way, but you know, I'm a millennial, so crossing over here. Right, right. Yeah.
Cheryl new:And, this is encouraging to me because I am a fan of classical music.
Andrea:Yes.
Cheryl new:And so you keep
Andrea:doing, you,
Cheryl new:Beethoven is my favorite. Yes. And I will say just as a testimony, classical music. does something sometimes inside of me. That I can't explain. Mm-hmm. But
Cheryl New (2):it's Like a counseling session
o:mm-hmm.
Cheryl new:Of beauty down inside of me. Mm-hmm. And I do listen to it when I'm reading or focusing if I can. Mm-hmm. I didn't know it was making me smarter.
Andrea:It's not making you smarter, making you focus is helping you focus and to learn more, which in turn
Christie:would make you smarter, right? Yes, exactly.
Andrea:Exactly. No, it is true that our kids are completely inundated Yes. With content mm-hmm. These days, right? Mm-hmm. And it feels like, as a parent of Gen Alpha, um, that they're constantly at risk. I don't know I mean, I think, like you said, it used to be easier. Mm-hmm. Yes. It was to manage or control because it was clear cut,
Cheryl New (2):it was right. It could be intentional. And now as we talk about devices and everything else, it is everywhere. And right there. Mm-hmm.
Christie:All the time
Andrea:instantly available. Mm-hmm.
Christie:Right. And in their ears. Yes. Maybe not in your ears. That's true. I know when my kids were in their teen years, if they wanted to listen to an artist that I wasn't familiar with, we would listen together, we'd talk about the lyrics, we'd talk about, you know, why they enjoy this music. But now so many kids, their music is in their own ears where the parents are not listening to the same music and not able to have those conversations. And see, and I love. That
Cheryl new:what you just said, that would be how I'd equip parents. Except the problem is it's not in a public arena. Mm-hmm. It's in that ear canal. Right.
Andrea:Yeah. I mean the method that I'm employing right now, and we'll see how all this plays out, is to try to stay curious about what my kids are interested in. I love that. So, without judgment, so I think there's this like, this kind of, you know, it's. Like very stereotypical, like, oh, older people, older generations don't understand the music of the younger generations. Yeah. And maybe even criticize or they're negative about it, right? Mm-hmm. I think it's so important for me as a parent now, like I said, my oldest is just now. 13, so I'm just at the very beginning of these Right. So you can get back with me later, some follow up. Um, but I just try to always take an interest in whatever he's interested in. Yeah. What are you listening to? Oh, okay, you wanna put it on the car? Let's put it on the car. Speaker. Uhhuh, let's listen together and just actually trying to appreciate. Why he likes it and even asked why do you like it? Do you just like the words or do you just like the music? A lot of times the answer is, I just like the music. I didn't even know what they're talking about. Right. Yeah. And so, yeah, just taking an interest and, and that's an investment in building trust with your child.
Christie:Mm-hmm.
Andrea:Um, so that you're not just saying like, you're not allowed to listen to that artist ever.
Christie:Right. And it's
Andrea:like, well, no, I'm gonna listen because that's my favorite thing. Like, you know, you don't get a lot of pushback if you say like, well, let's talk about. These lyrics and what they mean, right?
o:Mm-hmm. Or, I
Andrea:don't really like that, but this is why, right?'cause. You know, maybe they're not cussing, but they're talking about some grownup things that are really not appropriate, you know?
Christie:Right. Things
Andrea:like that.
Christie:Oh, just to affirm that, I mean, my kids are 19 to 26 and I'm still using the same methods. Yeah. They have their own vehicles, their own homes, and it does give me a peek into who they are as their musical interests Have evolved from artists to artist and age to age, I'm able to see what they value, what they enjoy. Yes. And, and sometimes it is, they just like the sound of it. They don't care a bit about what the person, the vibe is saying. The vibe. Yes. Yeah. Yes.
Cheryl New (2):Well, and I agree with that. I'm so glad when I did do that, for example, rap. Mm-hmm. And I mean there's, and there's clean rap and. I don't speak rap and I, I don't know if there's something like a foreign language that if you didn't get rap below a certain age, you can't speak it. But I just try And I remember. My teens going, mom, this is so cool. And they'd play it. We go, um, not feeling it, you know, but if I saw the lyrics, I could follow it. Sure. And then they would say, this is so fast, you have to hear it. And I love the fact that I could do what you're talking about is I could be excited, I could be pulled into it and we could have fun talking about it. And, and then. Uh, I remember specific with one. I said, let me hear, I want to hear that. So we started listening to it together and then they did just what you kind of said, but, oh, I didn't realize the lyrics. Mm-hmm. They weren't paying attention to the words. I didn't have to go, uh, Uhuh. Those are bad lyrics. Yeah. When suddenly they said, I hadn't even realized what I was listening to. Right. You know, and then we had a good conversation about it. Mm-hmm. And so that was like. The right kind of parenting and I Right. I am so glad for that opportunity.'cause if we don't keep those doors open, we are not gonna be invited. Not only into this world, but yeah. The rest of our childrens World.
Christie:And that's in the negative sense. But I think the positive is true also. When there are good songs with good lyrics, it's almost. Analyzing poetry and, and growing your vocabulary. And so music can be used in a positive sense also, not just guarding against the bad influences.
Cheryl new:Spoken as a true swifty. As a true swifty every year. Yeah. And for example, because Christy is a swifty parent of, they really are. Like they did the sparkles and all uhhuh, but. Christie talking about it helped me understand mm-hmm. About the kind of artist that Taylor is. Mm-hmm. And actually the poetry mm-hmm. Of what she writes, rather than just being a billionaire,, which also
Christie:brings in the idea of bias with our musical preferences. That's exactly right. Yeah. It goes every direction. Young to old. Old to young. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Andrea:Right, right. Um, I don't know if you guys know this, but on Spotify, for example, anyone can upload music. So one thing that I've brought to the attention of my kids is. having discernment about what is worthy of your time. And that goes for all content. That goes for,
o:yeah.
Andrea:Film and videos. And there's tons of short form videos now, of course, on social media. Yeah. So just this constant, you know, barrage of, of content. But with music, since we're talking about music today, um. There is so much low quality music, and when I say low quality, I'm not saying that as an insult to somebody who's tried to write music and wants to be independent and upload it to Spotify and make it as a true artist. I'm talking about people who are using ai, for example. Mm-hmm. To create basically synthetic music that is all produced, like even written by a computer produced on an app. Wow. There's no human, um. Like expression or really very much input, it is just like this kind of mass produced, And then they just upload it and it might even be like soft piano, calming piano. And it's not even somebody who's actually playing the piano. It's a computer that's playing the piano. So being very careful about. When you choose an artist, first of all, let's make sure that it's actually good music that is being like. Produced and written and, and released by a real person, you know? Right. That's a good start. Yeah. And then beyond that, looking at, you know, the content that artist who they are, kind of what they represent, going down to the lyrics of a song and things like that. But there is so much music in the world that we could never listen to at all. Mm-hmm. You could start right now today, and you would never be able to look at all the music that is published in the world today, because every day there are so many thousands and thousands of new songs being released. So just like with books, you have to decide what is worthy of my time and
Christie:attention. Mm mm-hmm.
Andrea:That's something that I've tried. My best to, to teach my kids.
Christie:Yeah. And that's, I mean, art appreciation and it transfers to lots of different, like you said, what we consume mm-hmm. On social media, what we consume in our movies and books, book choices,
Cheryl new:but also, like we alluded to while ago, also the content. Mm-hmm. And mm-hmm. And, you know, like a core value for our family is to value other people. Mm-hmm. And if there's demeaning. Whatever it is that mm-hmm. Let's talk about it. Is this what you want? And you know, and how that song, when you're six years old can come up when you're 60, that we are putting this into some special vault in your brain. Mm-hmm. That's ruminating in there to have those conversations. You know, let's not say, let's give it up to Spotify.
Andrea:Yeah.
Cheryl new:And we don't wanna be afraid. Mm-hmm we talk about it
Cheryl New (2):all the time Here. We want to engage the culture, we want to engage with our children and have the conversations. Mm-hmm. But like with everything else, slowly, we're gonna have to release more responsibility to them. Yours are just at the beginning of teen years, and they're gonna be you know, released to young adulthood at the end. Mm-hmm. We have to release more and more responsibility, but to do what we can to stay involved in those conversations.
o:Mm-hmm.
Cheryl new:Which means. Being cautious of our reactions.
Christie:Right. Instead of how could you even listen to this? Yeah. What are ing This is horrible back
Andrea:in my day. Right, right.
Christie:Boy. But instead, Hey, tell me what you love about this.
Andrea:Yes.
Cheryl new:Okay. So another aspect of it and all three of us have experienced it. Your first children only have you as parents in the home with music when you have subsequent children, and particularly where there's a bigger gap, like with your children, those children are being influenced by the olders music. Mm-hmm. As they're moving towards releasing what. Do y'all have to say about that? Did you struggle with that? Was it an issue in your homes?
Christie:Oh, it was for us and you know, I remember when my oldest was two years old and that she was in Mother's Day Out and there was another child that was the youngest of five and they were singing some song and I thought. How in the world would that mother let her two, 3-year-old, however old, listen to that kind of, and it wasn't vulgar, it was just not age appropriate. We were still singing, you know, little nursery rhymes, Raffi or something. And um, then fast forward, you know, 15 years later, and I'm in the same boat of having my little ones listen to popular music or things that I had to let my older ones have permission for. Um,'cause the airspace is not. It's easily, you know, contained. But yeah, it's a challenge.
Andrea:I think for my family, what I do is I try to let everyone have their turn to play their music. Oh. So like when we're in the car, um, maybe. On the way to this place, you know, my oldest is gonna get to be the dj. I'm like, do you wanna control the music? Do you wanna pick a playlist? Oh, and so and so. Then we all listen to that and then, you know, maybe the little ones are getting a little restless. We've been in the car for like 20 minutes and it's like, okay, it's the little one's turn.
o:mm-hmm. Or,
Andrea:Yeah. Yeah. What do you wanna listen to buddy? Like, and it's like PAW Patrol or whatever. Mm-hmm. And so then we all listen to Paw Patrol and so trying to make it a little more equitable, where it's like everybody has their turn. Um. To pick and to listen to music that is important to them, and we can kind of appreciate that. I think it can be a negative thing, but it's also part of the beauty of having a big family. Sure, yeah. With kids with an age gap is that they get to share all that together, you know?
Cheryl new:Well, again, it's the conversation, you know, particularly to have a conversation with the older ones about that we're a family together, we are community, and what we do influences one another. Mm-hmm. And Have that out there for you to talk with them about. Not just say, don't play that, and if there might be something that you
Cheryl New (2):go, You have the freedom to listen to this. I Really don't want the younger ones in this. Mm-hmm. Could you please play it in a certain way? Mm-hmm. But it's not time for them. This, again, age appropriate. Right. But I'd love. The idea of sharing that we are a community and a family, and we have to learn how to work with one another. Mm-hmm. And sacrifice and just loving each other better. Walking that tricky little mm-hmm. Tight rope. Mm-hmm. Of relationship.'cause relationships are hard. Mm-hmm. whether it's got music attached to it or not.
Andrea:Right. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I think another thing that has become increasingly important to me and kind of brought to my, that I've brought to my own awareness is discernment for my older kids, because. We have all the internet safety controls on and, and they're not allowed to use certain social media apps. Mm-hmm. But the truth of the matter is they have access to it if they want. Mm-hmm. Like, I can't stop them from getting on TikTok on their friend's phone when they're at, you know, whatever. At somewhere. You just, you cannot completely shelter them or control them in the, in the content. The social media content is. Everywhere. Yes. I think it's really important to teach them how to discern what is good and when to stand up and say, oh, actually I don't like that. Mm-hmm. My family doesn't do that. Yeah. Or whatever your value system is. Right. So, yeah, I've just tried to have a lot of talks with my oldest, especially about how music influences your mood. It is so powerful over
o:your mood. That's
Andrea:good. And I use my, that's good. I use my own testimony for that. I'm like, Hey, listen, when I'm. A little bit down, it's totally fine to listen to a sad song'cause that can be therapeutic in a way. Right? Mm-hmm. But I have a tendency, I'm an Enneagram five, I have a tendency to, um, dwell on that and play that sad song on repeat for like three days. Mm-hmm. And I'm not even kidding. I'll be like, the only song I listen to. Right. Wow. And then, but I've caught myself as I've gotten older, I realize. It's okay to process those emotions and be sad and lean into that and kind of, you know, you know, process that through music. But at a certain point, the music is keeping me there. Mm-hmm. It's pulling me down. It's, it's keeping me in a mental space that is not necessarily productive. Right? Mm-hmm. So I've really tried to help my kids create an awareness for, okay, what are you listening to? Are you feeling a little bit down? Why don't you listen to some praise and worship music? We're Christians, and so that that can help kind of, you know, shift your mindset or why don't we listen to some happy music, some upbeat music,
Cheryl new:some Souza instead of shastakovich or whatever. Right, right, right,
Andrea:right. Yeah. And so actually when I was studying when I was in school, I was playing a shastakovich, a cello sonata.
o:Mm-hmm.
Andrea:Shastakovich is very dark, right? Yeah. Um, because it's about communism, most of the time the themes are very, very heavy. And I was doing all this research on, you know, what he wrote it about and what he was going through at the time. And I was going really deep into the backstory of, of the Sonata. And all I was doing was practicing the Sonata day in and day out. And I went to one of my lessons and I was just like so down. And my teacher said, what's going on? And I said, I don't know. I'm just in this weird mood. I just, I feel like I'm in this funk. I can't get out of it. And she said. I think you're playing too much Shastakovich but that's kind of what I, that is a really good example of that. Let's, she was like, let's switch to something else for a couple weeks and we'll come back to this. Um, but no, that was very insightful of her because she was recognizing the power that music has over your mood and your Yes. Your mindset and your, your spirit. Right. So I've tried to pass that on to my kids too, because we're inundated mm-hmm. With content, with music, with videos all the time. And you can't micromanage everything that they do. Every move they make, every video they scroll to even if it's not on accident. Mm-hmm. But encouraging openness, like, hey, if you ever see something that you don't understand that's bad or scary to you, you can always tell me you're not gonna be in trouble. Yeah. I love that. Like, Hey, I heard this song. I'm not sure what's about, is it, is it about this? Or kind of, you know, I'm kind of freaked out about this and I listen to it and I say, I'm so glad you shared this with me. Mm-hmm. I'm so glad mm-hmm. That you felt free to tell me. That you, you didn't understand it or you were scared by. Mm. That's so good.
Cheryl new:It's good parenting and I love it'cause we're applying it to music and people might not be thinking about music. Mm-hmm. And one of the things i like that you alluded to is one of the. Equipping I tried to do with my kids, give them an exit strategy. Yes. You know, something and they're going, ah. And then we talk about what words can you use, what can you do to get yourself out of something? Mm-hmm. And one of the things I told my kids, blame me anytime you want to make me the bad guy. Mm-hmm. I don't mind. Mm-hmm. You know? Yes. That's great. And we even had a
Cheryl New (2):plan,'Cause This was before cell phones. That if you're in a situation like maybe a sleepover or a party or even a youth group and you are uncomfortable and you want to get out, we could have certain things that you could call, right? And and go, oh, my parents are just gonna come pick me up code, or I can't believe it. Mm-hmm. Oh, my parents. Yeah. Yes, yes. But just trying to help them to navigate well. And
an exit strategy was one
Cheryl New (2):of the things we, yeah. So good. So
Andrea:important.
Speaker:whether it had to do with music or whatever was going on,
Cheryl new:Mm-hmm
Andrea:Right? Mm-hmm.
Cheryl new:We are out of time. This has been fascinating. I could talk with you guys all day. I, this
Andrea:is No, thank you so much for having me back.
Cheryl new:absolutely remember,
Cheryl New (2):If y'all want to learn more about Andrea or Ali and their teaching, go to Soltani Music School. And do you have a video of your house on the website? Yes. Oh, it'd be beautiful. Thanks. You we're on.
Andrea:Speaking of social media. We're on social media. You can find us there. Yes. Great.
Cheryl new:Hey parents, remember, hang in there. Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
Speaker 2:Every family has its own soundtrack. Songs that fill the car, the kitchen, and even the quiet corners of childhood. The challenge now isn't just filtering the noise, but staying close enough to hear what's shaping our kids. Maybe that means turning down your own background sound for a bit, asking what they're listening to, or letting them DJ for a while. And really noticing what speaks to them. Those small choices keep connection alive even when the world feels so loud. If you'd like to reach out, you can find us at contact@theparentingpodcast.com or through our website. And to learn more about the Sultani and their work, visit sultani music school.com. As you move through your week, maybe listen a little closer, not just to what's playing, but to who's listening.
