Fitness, Identity, and the Pressure to Perform | Ep. 212

Health and fitness can easily become tangled up with pressure, appearance, and performance — for parents and kids alike. This conversation pulls it back to something steadier: intentionality, sustainability, and the quiet ways families learn how to see themselves.

Resources Mentioned: Mullins Performance and Fitness. And Crawford Personal Training 

Transcript

Joanne 0:00

how children hear their parents talk about their bodies. that will become their internal dialogue about themselves,

Speaker 2 0:09

I think most of us can feel the difference between wanting our families to be healthy and feeling the pressure that we're somehow supposed to get all of this right all of the time. And a lot of the time, nobody even says it out loud. It just becomes part of the atmosphere families are living in now. What I loved about this conversation is that it felt calmer than so much of what surrounds this topic. Less pressure, less fixation on appearances, just honest conversation about bodies, identity, and the quiet way our kids learn how to see themselves by watching the way we see ourselves.

Cheryl 1:10

Listeners, we have two special women in here with us today to process a subject that we've talked about and never been able to get to before. It's the idea of fitness, health, exercise, and

Carol 1:27

what That really looks like or what it could look like in families. So I would like to welcome Joanne Crawford, who's been in here before. Welcome back.

Joanne 1:37

Hello. Thank you guys for having me.

Cheryl 1:39

Oh, I'm happy

Joanne 1:40

to be here.

Cheryl 1:41

And a new friend to TPP, which turns out was a friend of Joanne's when their kids were little. It's Elizabeth Mullins. Elizabeth, welcome to the Parenting Podcast.

Elizabeth 1:51

Hello. Thank you so much for having me on. I'm grateful to be here today.

Cheryl 1:54

Wonderful. Okay, Elizabeth, let's start with you. Tell our audience a little bit about yourself, your family, and then how you are related to fitness.

Elizabeth 2:03

Oh, sure. I'm born and raised Oklahoman. Ah, and met my husband in college, played basketball and soccer at Oklahoma Christian, and I've been married to Joshua this June. We've been married 25 years.

Cheryl 2:14

Oh, nice.

Elizabeth 2:15

We have three children, um, two are in college and one is in high school, and I run Mullen's Performance and Fitness here in Edmond at Arctic Edge Ice Arena and I work with athletes of all ages and abilities.

Cheryl 2:26

Okay, and so what does it mean performance? What are you doing? Is this, uh, a weight? Lifting thing I don't know what performance means.

Elizabeth 2:34

Yeah. It can mean what it means to mean for whoever I'm working with. So it could be for one of my clients has a walker and we're just working on independence. Ah. And then some of my clients are really young athletes and they're learning how to skip and jog and run and crawl and, and then some of my athletes are trying to move on to a more elite level. Maybe they're going on to play D one soccer. Or they're working in figure skating and hockey and they're just trying to, you know, continue to improve.

Cheryl 3:01

Wow. That sounds fantastic. I knew some of that because,. I'm connected with you in various ways, but I just wasn't sure exactly what it means to have a performance, fitness, business. And what about you, Joanne?

Joanne 3:14

Okay, so, my husband Chris and I have been married for about 26 years. We also have three children, two in college, and, one still in high school. And, my husband and I are both personal trainers. We own, Crawford Personal Training and have our own studio here in Edmond. I have been training, for about 10 years now. Once my kids got old enough, that's something I wanted to do, even though health and fitness was always something I was really interested in. Started doing it professionally about 10 years ago. Mm-hmm. I work with adults of all ages, both in person and online.

Cheryl 3:51

Oh, neat. Wonderful. And see, I'm already starting to feel

Carol 3:54

challenged, Thinking, oh, I need to go home and lift weights. Okay. Which is where I guess I wanna start everybody would love to be fit and strong and as healthy as we can be. But there's the struggle. So what do y'all see? You work with a lot of people, you're in this specialty how did you get into this? Where do you see that families struggle? And what actually is healthy? What is fit? So I'm gonna throw that in your ballpark

Joanne 4:22

Okay. Well, I guess I'll just jump in there. How I got started. I mentioned health and fitness has always been a big part of my life. I played soccer when I was younger. Just always enjoyed being active and, exercising. That's just something I really enjoyed as a hobby. After having, you know, three kids. Consecutively all close in age. Yeah. It, it was a real challenge. And so, I found myself in a place where I was just not sure what to do. I had grown up in the diet culture of my mom and all her friends doing every fad diet under the sun and just unsuccessfully, uh, you know, not being able to get a handle of their weight and their health. Yeah. And my husband, Chris was a trainer at that time, and so with his encouragement and support, I just really came up with a plan and was able to get in, a better place. And that just inspired me to wanna do the same for other people.

Cheryl 5:19

Oh, that's really good because you're right. A big chunk of our society now and certainly past culture is weight equals healthy.

Joanne 5:27

Mm. Mm-hmm. Right.

Cheryl 5:29

And particularly skinny. And particularly skinny. Skinny mm-hmm. Was in for a long time.

Joanne 5:35

Right. And I found it was just a more sustainable to focus on just being healthy and feeling good for my family. And by taking care of me, I was in turn able to just be the best I could for them.

Cheryl 5:48

Love that. What about you, Elizabeth?

Elizabeth 5:50

Yeah, so ironically I met Chris before I met Joanna, huh? Mm-hmm. At the same location. I started off in, uh, here in Edmond at a bigger gym. And um, this was back in 2004 Uhhuh. And so that started my journey, but I started in strength and conditioning or personal training initially. Because I knew I wanted to be a mom and I knew I wanted to be available to my children, but I also knew that I wanted to have some form of a profession that I was attached to just because I knew that that's my personality. Like I knew I needed something that was outside of the home that kind of allowed me to use the giftings that I had to share with other people. And so initially I avoided going into the performance space because. I lived it so much all the way through college and there's a lot of pressure with that. And honestly, stepping away from the collegiate sports world, um, your identity gets so wrapped up in who you are as an athlete.

Joanne 6:48

Yes.

Elizabeth 6:48

And that was kind of a hard time. And so stepping away from that, I also too had to figure out how do you eat differently when you're not training like six hours a day? And so

Cheryl 7:00

it's true.

Elizabeth 7:01

So that was a different challenge prior to having children. But similarly, um, we also had our children back to back to back. And, um, just figuring out how to, you know, manage the ebbs and flows of motherhood and everything's new. You're trying to like figure out how do I raise. A young person, but also care for myself and then go and help other people do the same. Wow. And so, yeah. But now I get to work with other young people and I really appreciate the mentorship side of things. Yeah. And I really think back to what did I need when I was younger and who is a person that would've really helped me to grow a little bit more? If someone would've leaned into me during those times. Mm-hmm.

Cheryl 7:44

Okay. I'd really like to hear from you on that. Mm-hmm. Because we've recently had the Olympics and we can see, elite sports and athletes and you know, you just wonder where do you find balance? How do you not get your identity out of it? And you're saying you really struggled. I would like to hear what it was like and. How you did get out of that and how could we speak into someone's life or walk with one of our children or a friend who's struggling in this area?

Elizabeth 8:19

Sure. I don't know that I have all the answers, but I can certainly share

Cheryl 8:23

What's been your journey?

Elizabeth 8:24

Yeah, my journey. I, I feel like so much of what I did was performance based.

Cheryl 8:29

Mm-hmm.

Elizabeth 8:30

And I think if someone would've just spoke to me and said, you know what? You're valued and loved just for who you are. Wow. And if you make that basket, you score that goal or you get that ball back, that doesn't change how we see you and how we believe in you and how we show up for you. Even though I knew I had people in my life doing that for me, my internal dialogue was not always that.

Cheryl 8:52

And so that's sort of what i was thinking. If someone had been there, could you have heard that?

Elizabeth 8:58

I think so. Um, maybe not initially.

Cheryl 9:01

Mm-hmm.

Elizabeth 9:02

But. I never let other people into my inside world.

Cheryl 9:06

Ah.

Elizabeth 9:06

And so it was more of a protection thing of like, well, if I don't share this, they don't know what's going on inside.

Cheryl 9:13

Wow.

Elizabeth 9:13

And so a lot of people are surprised later when I talk about it. They'd be like, wow, I cannot imagine that you've one,, been through hard things, and two are negative about yourself or hard on yourself, or have been through. You know, this challenging X, Y, Z. Yeah. And so it kind of surprises people. Um, but I use that now as a way to connect with people. Oh, yes. And to say, Hey, we can get better at doing hard, but. You know, and sometimes our challenges are what opens opportunities for other people

Cheryl 9:43

mm-hmm.

Elizabeth 9:43

To share theirs and then we can grow from that.

Cheryl 9:46

Okay. So that was your struggle when you were younger and maybe not as balanced in who you were. What did you do to get out of that, to bring yourself to a healthier place?

Elizabeth 9:57

I don't know that it was. All me, I had a team of people that have

Cheryl 10:00

wonderful,

Elizabeth 10:01

always leaned in. Um, I have some wonderful mentors and family and friends that they would hear some of the things that I would say and they'd be like, Hey, that doesn't sound true, so let me remind you that this is what's true about you. Wow. And then I had to start to believe that. Right? And so then if I hear that in other people. Then I can say, Hey, I don't know that that's a true statement. Can we like talk through that a little bit more?

Cheryl 10:27

And see, and I'd love that because that's what we talk about here all the time. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Is have stable, healthy, safe voices in your life. Uh, sometimes peers, a lot of times it tends to be someone with a little bit more mileage ahead of you. Mm-hmm. And so that's what made the difference, huh? Yeah. Community

Elizabeth 10:47

for sure.

Joanne 10:47

Mm-hmm.

Cheryl 10:49

Wow. I love that. What about you as a,, successful sports person? Did you struggle with your identity in it, what was your journey?

Joanne 10:57

I am just not a super highly competitive person like Elizabeth here, so I played more for fun and once I got to high school, I just, stopped playing sports competitively. Mm-hmm. But, speaking to like your internal dialogue, something I had to, change in my life, especially when I had a daughter of my own, is I wanted to change the way that I felt about. My body

Cheryl 11:21

uhhuh

Joanne 11:21

and, and how I spoke about my body. Um,

Cheryl 11:24

okay, so get into that. I wanna hear that because I completely agree with you, right?

Joanne 11:29

Yes So, you know, I just think as a society so much of our value as women is on our size, unfortunately. Yeah., It's just everywhere. And like I mentioned before, I grew up around it. All the women in my life, just spoke. Negatively about themselves.

Elizabeth 11:46

Mm-hmm.

Joanne 11:47

Constantly. And it sad and even to this day, hearing some family members,, now in their eighties,, it just breaks my heart that they've gotten to that point in their life and. They're still focused on that and not on all of the other wonderful things that they have accomplished. And so, I do have a little bit of a rebellious streak in, in me, and so I just wanted to rebel against that. And when I had my daughter, I didn't want her to grow up hearing that as well. So I was very, very conscious about how I talked about myself.

Cheryl 12:20

Okay. Could you give us some examples? Because people could be hearing you and not understanding, what do you mean? Right? How you talked about yourself.

Joanne 12:28

So, okay. For example, like, you know, if. After I had my babies, I did have a 10 pound baby and I had gained quite a bit of weight. Yeah. I wasn't necessarily comfortable with where I was. I just made sure to not vocalize that. Mm-hmm. And just talk about, oh, my flabby legs, my flabby arms, and just allow that to get me depressed about it, I suppose. Uhhuh. And. Conversely, not vocalizing. It really helped my mindset. It helped me to, I think, move into a positive direction and losing the weight instead of just getting stuck.

Christie 13:03

Wow.

Joanne 13:04

Which was not my, what I thought would happen, but it did. And, I'm thankful that my daughter has a much healthier view of. Health and fitness, and she does it more for, how it makes her feel and just being active and not just about how she looks. Okay.

Cheryl 13:20

I love what you're saying because I think

Carol 13:22

so many identify with What you just said, but you know, if you had that dialogue internally and externally and you were working to be healthy, whether you lost those extra pounds or not, as a mother, it wouldn't matter because you'd be passing on such a gift to your daughter and all of your children I just love the way you're handling it and what you did and that it's great to pass fitness on, but what an excellent way to see yourself and to role model for your children, because I was identifying with that. 'cause you know, even if you're in your twenties or early thirties and you've got this young body and you look in the mirror and go, oh, and you're critical about this little tooth, or. Whatever it is, that's what we're role modeling to our children. Mm-hmm. They're gonna fall into at least that pattern. And certainly with social media and the exponential way that it's grown because you see everything about everybody all the time. And now AI has just taken it Astronomically it to another level because you can present yourself through AI in a way you don't look

Joanne 14:34

mm-hmm.

Cheryl 14:35

Good or bad.

Joanne 14:36

Well, and you know, whether we like it or not, how children hear their parents talk about their bodies. Especially mothers.

Cheryl 14:43

Yeah.,

Joanne 14:44

That will become their internal dialogue about themselves, So we do have to be so careful. But gratitude and I just feel like. Just lately, I don't know if it's my age or whatever, um, but just things have been hitting me differently. Like, for example, the other day I was on a walk and it was a beautiful day. I do like to get outside and walk and just get fresh air and sometimes walk with a friend or with, just a podcast or whatever. TPP, listen. Yeah, of course. Of. And this gentleman in my neighborhood, he was sitting in his garage and he goes, oh, isn't it a beautiful day out for a walk? And I'm like, yes, it is. And as I continued walking, it struck me that he was in a wheelchair. He was sitting in a wheelchair in his garage, and I thought, oh, wouldn't he like to be on a walk? And so things like that, I'm just trying to be more grateful, you know, for the legs that work. You know, not thinking, oh, flabby legs, no, they're legs that. Allow me to walk and enjoy this beautiful day.

Cheryl 15:43

Oh, I love that.

Joanne 15:44

Right.

Elizabeth 15:44

Yeah, I'd love to add on to that, very similarly, I wanted a different conversation for my daughter to have with her in her dialogue as well. And it makes me really proud to know that she values what her body can do and how much she can pick up in the weight room. And you know, just celebrating the success of what it can do, not just glorify what it looks like on the external. 'cause even if we look at someone that might have this like beautiful body, they may not be the healthiest person.

Joanne 16:12

That's

Elizabeth 16:12

true. Mm-hmm. Right. That's not an indicator of true health.

Joanne 16:15

Right.

Elizabeth 16:16

And so it's really about habits and. Creating a place that has some semblance of wellness to it. Yes. And some, I don't know, vibrancy to it.

Cheryl 16:28

Oh,

Elizabeth 16:28

I love that. There's, there's vibrancy to it, right. And so I think of like when I wake up in the morning, do I wake up and I'm dragging or do I have some vibrancy and vigor to my day? And, Usually I don't have that, like any vibrancy or vigor to it, I'm thinking, what do I need to change? Right? There's something that might need to switch or I don't know, maybe some dials to adjust.

Cheryl 16:49

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. How would we define healthy in this area? What would we say contributes to this healthiness of our physical bodies, we're more than that. We're mind, soul, and body what would y'all say? You threw in some things. What are some other components you would say? We have families listening to us. We may have families that have a lot of margin, a lot of, supply and provision so that they can hire people to help and they can have their own gym and they can do a lot.

Carol 17:19

That A lot of families aren't able to, or they may have a large family and they say, by the way, I can't have all my children in all these sports, or, mm-hmm. Maybe it's someone, that they themselves are actually limited physically So what would we say might be a picture for healthiness in families? Hmm.

Elizabeth 17:41

I think of sustenance and sustainability.

Cheryl 17:44

Okay. Talk about that.

Elizabeth 17:46

So if I'm putting, you know, healthier, I put quotations in the air, um, nutritious foods in my body

Cheryl 17:54

mm-hmm.

Elizabeth 17:55

Theoretically, I'm gonna be able to show up with that vibrancy and I'm gonna feel like I have more energy and then I'm gonna be able to sustain the energy that I need to bring to whatever task it is I need to do that day.

Cheryl 18:05

That's

Elizabeth 18:05

no matter what age I am. Right. That's correct. And so my goal is I want to, whether I'm in my forties or I'm in my nineties,

Cheryl 18:13

yeah.

Elizabeth 18:13

I want to be able to still be able to show up in the ways that I am choosing to show up.

Cheryl 18:19

Good. Mm-hmm.

Elizabeth 18:20

Yeah.

Cheryl 18:21

We may not be able to show up the way we would like to show up but we can maximize what we have.

Elizabeth 18:27

Yeah. Yeah.

Cheryl 18:27

You know, like, sure. You're talking about 80, you won't be able to do it 80, which you can do in your forties.

Elizabeth 18:32

Sure.

Joanne 18:32

Right.

Cheryl 18:32

But you want to bring the best you can to the table. Sure. I like that.

Joanne 18:37

Well, and it's just about being able to stay active. Gosh, you, I think a lot about my grandmother, Uhhuh. She didn't own a car and she didn't have a washing machine and you know, she got her exercise just by living. Yeah. So I always think about people like that. She would never have to have a personal trainer. She worked, she exercised all day long. Yeah. And she lived to a healthy age of 93. And I think, you know,

Christie 19:01

wow.

Joanne 19:01

She did really well and so we have to be so intentional in our culture to incorporate, exercise because everything about our modern way of life is, opposed to that, you know, I work with people who sit at a desk for eight to 12 hours a day. Yeah. And then they have all of the responsibilities at home. They have to take their kids to all of their practices and then they're sitting again or driving in the car in a commute. Yeah. So I really just like to encourage people with, you know, something is better than nothing. And I think, you know, it doesn't have to be hours in the gym, it's just about. Incorporating little small changes into your home. You know, maybe walking for 10 minutes after dinner as a family, or, incorporating more healthier foods into your home. You know, little changes can make a big difference in the long run.

Cheryl 19:50

Excellent. This is great.

Christie 19:52

Yeah, I'm just thinking as I'm hearing you guys talk, that health is kind of relative to what our starting point is. Given our physical abilities, our resources, our. Cultural experiences, our backgrounds. And so, I just think summarizing maybe what you guys have said would for me would be progressively stewarding in a way that takes you forward from whatever your starting point is today.

Elizabeth 20:19

I like that.

Christie 20:19

Absolutely.

Cheryl 20:20

That's great.

Christie 20:21

I feel like we could do another episode and just get really practical. I bet you guys have a lot of good ideas on just practically what families could do maybe at different ages. We do that a lot and I think that's really helpful I'm thinking when my kids were like eight to 10, they just got real whiny about wanting to go outside or it was too hot or you know, it's gonna mess up my. Hair. Yeah. Like some of those different age things were like, like we said, the screens that consume their lives at different ages. I feel like that could be a helpful thing. Okay.

Cheryl 20:50

Y'all, this is so interesting. I love what you're having to say, and I'm. Personally inspired hearing you. Okay. We have to wrap this up. What about,

Carol 21:00

like Christie said, could Y'all continue and give some practical help, like, okay, so I'm a mom with three little children. Where can I start? What could I do? Or, we've got teenagers and all they wanna do is be on their phones. Would y'all come back and give us some practical tips to help our families?

Joanne 21:18

Yeah, sure, definitely. I'd love that.

Cheryl 21:21

Thanks. Okay, parents. Remember, hang in there. Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.

Speaker 3 21:30

You know, I keep thinking about how much family culture gets built in really ordinary moments around things like this: the comments we make, the pace we keep, the way we treat our own bodies when we're tired or frustrated or aging or busy. Our kids absorb so much more than workout habits or food choices. They absorb what it feels like to live inside a body. And I think I'm walking away from this conversation reminded that intentionality in this area does not have to look intense to matter deeply. Sometimes the most lasting things are the quieter ones practiced over time. Thanks for spending this time with us today. We always love hearing from you, so feel free to reach out at contact@theparentingpodcast.com. We're really glad you're

22:32

here.