Interview with Tunisia Offray

In this episode, Hardin interviews Tunisia Offray.

For more information & resources, visit:
http://www.lifeofaboss.net

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched!
Start for FREE

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Transcript

Intro  0:02  
Hello, and welcome to life of a boss the podcast hosted by entrepreneur, public speaker and mentor, Jason Hardin. This podcast is all about helping audiences create and reach their own definition of success through positive thinking, perseverance and personal development. having survived extreme obstacles from an early age, such as cancer, poverty, abuse, family dysfunction, and even homelessness. Jason has learned how to master the art of resilience, and defy all odds to become the boss he is today. So get ready for some serious game. And remember to keep an open mind. Now without further delay, here is your host, Jason Hardin.

Jason Hardin  0:44  
Thank you so much. And I am very happy and grateful to be here today we have an incredible show. And that's because our guest today is an incredible person man, she's been pretty much awarded recognitions from the mayor, the senator, Congresswoman to Assemblymember Chris Holden, they she's just done so many incredible things. she's accomplished so much, and she's just a wealth of information today and it's gonna be so hard to squeeze this interview in only 10 to 12 minutes but I'll bet you one thing it's gonna be the most value packed 10 to 12 minutes you're gonna hear today so without further ado, here is the creator of women wealth warriors, and co founder of shepherds door as well as the creator of prestige, a church and financial services. Miss Tunisia ofay Hello, Mr. nasia.

Tunisia Offray  1:50  
Jason, how are you?

Jason Hardin  1:51  
I am honored that's how I am today. I am honored to have you on the show for real.

Tunisia Offray  1:57  
I am honored that you asked me to be on the show.

Jason Hardin  2:00  
Oh, well then that just all works out Dan. And for those that don't know I asked Anita because she is a boss. And not just because she's a boss but she literally created and carved out and is now living her own definition of success in my eyes. You know, she might not be done to her. She might not be but halfway towards what she's trying to do. But in my eyes from the outside looking in. This one was a straight boss. She's an inspiration. And that's why she's on the show today because she has a wealth of information to give to y'all to help people and I just want to tap into some of it. Is that okay with you Tunisia?

Tunisia Offray  2:34  
Yes, that's great. Let's get to it. So much. We care. Whatever you want to know I'm open.

Jason Hardin  2:40  
Oh, okay. Okay, let's go. This has now changed to an hour long episode. It's gonna be a special now. Now it's gonna be Oprah barbara walters special we're gonna get No, I'm just kidding. But um, but yeah, first of all, you know, with shepherds door, people don't know that shepherds doors and domestic violence organization helps people who've suffered domestic violence in connection with services and counseling and things like that. And I know about it because I've been there myself literally. So I've seen the great days This woman has done and her family has put together for a lot of people I've seen in classes I've seen the organization I've seen how they work and and, and like I said, they were open to me when I needed to help myself, you know, and, and that's a whole nother story. But I wanted to tap in to relationships, because part, a huge part of living and creating your own definition of success is relationships, and more important, the relationships you have with yourself. You know, and I think not a lot of people understand the connection between the relationships we have with ourselves and the relationship we have with others. Would you like to speak on that, first of all, just relationships in general, and like how they relate to everything else we do?

Tunisia Offray  3:55  
100% so then that's great that we're starting with this topic. So sharply goal was created, really by my mother, but it was as a response to what I directly experienced. My first relationship was a teen dating relationship. And you know, and because of that, it wasn't I was at the age of 16. So that's when I was first introduced to domestic violence. There's nothing that I experienced in my home, my parents been married 45 years now, I never heard my dad raise his voice and or my mother, or the argue or anything like that, however, and having my first experience so young, it kind of sets the tone for the abusive relationships to follow throughout the trajectory of my life. My mother became so angry that I was going through this right to instantly start noticing that other people in the community was having this experience. So she just started doing something about it, and then it morphed into shepherds door. I came on a little bit later because I had to get rid of the embarrassment, the stigma, right? It's feelings. Yeah, so Exactly. So I hid behind it for a while. And so finally I decided that I'm gonna walk in my truth and that I am no longer a victim, but I am a survivor. And I wanted to use my story, to reach other people to let them know that you don't have to become a victim of your circumstances, and that there is redemption. And we can always do things over again and do it the right way. And, and growing and healing is always evolving. So I teach healthy versus unhealthy relationship classes. I put some in the middle of high school. And then also we as Jeffers door, do 52 week battery classes where perpetrators who were sentenced to jail due to abuse, domestic abuse, part of their probation is to do these 52 weeks, which is a year rehabilitation classes, and we have a 90% success rate, meaning people that come to our program do not return back to jail. I think the women, and we have other facilitators that teach them and my mom and I both teach the women. And what we have done was we have kind of carved out, we've kind of created our own curriculum, so to speak, we don't really approach it from a, we're punishing you or lecturing standpoint, but we really focus on healing, right? because like you said, the first relationship you have is going to be the relationship you have with yourself. And that's going to be the foundation that's going to create relationships on every sector of your life, whether it's personal, whether it's business, whether it's friendship, whether it's family dynamics. So we get to the root of the cause of the problem, because the abuse part is just a symptom of the illness, right? But what is the cause of the illness? And that's kind of how we approach it with our, with our victims, and also our perpetrators, because it's not so much that you were in these relationships. Well, why? Why do you say, why did you think it was okay to be with someone who treated you that way? Because the Why is the reason that you're in the position that you're in whether you're a victim or perpetrator, so we really focus on what a healthy relationship is, what does that look like? And we start with the relationships you have with yourself first, how do you feel about yourself? What do you think about yourself? You know, how do you value yourself?

Jason Hardin  7:20  
Why is that? Do you think that why is that related to trauma? And would you like to touch on that?

Tunisia Offray  7:28  
Yes, I do believe and what I have found in my own personal experiences, and then experience with just about everybody who I have had the opportunity with facilitating with it is all directly trauma related. Most people who find themselves in these unhealthy relationships, either mirrored it from somewhere else, and or it's a lack of self worth, right? You feel like you don't deserve anything more, you know, not valuing yourself enough. And those things usually come from somewhere else. Right? So we don't just wake up, I don't think anyone in their right mind raised their hand and say, Oh, I want to beat up a person today. Like

Jason Hardin  8:08  
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So so from your perspective, being a victim of domestic violence, violence, as well as being the aggressor, the perpetrator of domestic violence, both show traits of trauma previous previous trauma that isn't attached to that relationship that may have occurred way before they even met that person.

Tunisia Offray  8:32  
100% so we attract what we are, right? Yeah, broken and I'm broken, we're gonna have two broken people that is realizing that we are going to come together and then have a broken relationship. So in order to have a successful healthy relationship, you have to be healthy right mind body and spirit. So if you're not healthy, you're not going to attract a healthy partner. So that's how the cycles keep going around and around we can leave that partner and go into relationship with someone just like to make it look different may sound different than the relationship or mirror itself. You have to break the cycle by healing you

Jason Hardin  9:07  
first in regards to that, how, how do you help people identify their trauma so they can even connect to it? Because I mostly I was about to say that that since a lot of this is unresolved trauma because like a lot of people go through trauma but in a healthy way, you can process it, identify it, and resolve it, you know, but it seems that unresolved trauma, it creates these symptoms, you know, it's the unresolved trauma that the you know, the stuff that we didn't totally work through, identify, get past for whatever reason, and that seems to create the issue. So how do you help people identify because it can be easy for yourself, especially you in your shoes, and you're the counselor and you have all your experience, but for those who walked through your door, who they've never even sat down or they've never even come to terms with anything they've been through, or they never spoken openly about anything they've been through how do you wish that person to get that person to connect to whatever their the root of their issue is? How does that happen?

Tunisia Offray  10:15  
Well, like I said, Why right? I love to start with why in my classes I always start with why and I use myself as an example because they help people to break down their guard, right? When they feel like you're not someone who's just preaching so much, but you've been there for myself in order for me to figure out why I kept going into relationships over and over and over again and the same result kept happening. I started asking myself why why is I asked like for First of all, like, my first question was saying, why'd you sec? And my answer to that was because I was afraid that nobody else will want me I was afraid that I will be judged by being a single parent again. I was you know, embarrassed like so many different souls are my wife

Jason Hardin  11:03  
like you went down in less than a lot of people might think only applies to them. So I appreciate that. Because Because I put a lot of people can relate to go wives thinking it's just them. You know, so thank you. Keep going.

Tunisia Offray  11:17  
Oh, yeah. is a why'd you go on? Like Then why do you feel that way? And so I just kept asking myself why, all the way through, I got to the end. You know, when I got to the end, I looked at my paper, all my wife that told me the things that I needed to work on with myself and with every why you have to unfold. Why you ended up feeling that way. Right? So something happened that made me feel unworthy, something that happened, that made me feel not good enough, something happened, that made me feel all these things that I felt so I started going to those things, and you just start peeling back the layers. A lot of times people don't deal with their trauma because they don't know what to do with the emotions of it. Right? So we hide fine with drugs, alcohol, sex, you know, racist, you're just all bandaid to cover with a real trauma is the thing about that is you never healing the wounds. So you have to heal the wounds in order to heal the trauma. And a lot of people don't know what to do with those emotions. So we run from the heart. And I saw people healing is a journey. It doesn't stop you don't wake up one morning and heal. That's how it happens. You Yeah, it's an every day. It's an everyday deliberate conscious effort. Yeah, of how you feel. Be aware of how some of these making you feel to be aware of your triggers. That's a lot of things people don't know about triggers, things trigger you, right? And you have to be aware of how you feel to realize that it's a trigger. If someone says something or, or does something like for me, I know my triggers or I don't like people who are fearful with right, it takes me back to my abusive, it's like it could be even in the business. He could even be on the phone with a customer service representative.

Jason Hardin  13:02  
aggression turns you off.

Tunisia Offray  13:05  
Yeah, like it makes me feel a certain kind of way. But I'm aware that for when I when I have those experiences, right, I don't immediately go to respond because I read Okay, since you're being triggered, and then it gives me an opportunity to address how I'm feeling in a different way.

Jason Hardin  13:20  
I love what you just said right there because I don't think people understand the power they have. And sometimes you have to use that power and and own it, and you have to use it within that microsecond or within three seconds before you act, but everybody has that power to just stop. Slow it down a second, even if it's a microsecond, slow down, be like, Hey,

Tunisia Offray  13:42  
I'm tripping. Yeah,

Jason Hardin  13:44  
you know what I'm saying? Well, hey, let me look and see who's tripping. You know, it might be me and might really be that next person. But let me not let me not have my next action be a response. Let my next action be thinking. And that's just so important. And I think that that that goes over a lot of people's heads because they they use that as an excuse, and I tell people every day that I was mad is not a defense in court. I was mad, he made me mad. That might have worked in elementary and it really didn't work then but yeah, he made me mad is not a defense in court. So you're gonna have to check those emotions and and then rethink them like you did. And I appreciate that so much. With that being said, I want to shift and there's something you said it's gonna make this a great segue because I want to shift into your own personal journey to your definition of success. And one thing that you said that really stood out because I think I wrote a chapter about it in my book is owning your challenges how one day you owned your challenge that you was no longer victim. You are a survivor. And what what was that thing that made that that that snap that aha moment? What was that thing that said hold on, you know, because because like You say it might have been a transition over time might have been something, whatever it was, what was it that made you decide to to like own? What happened to you own the decisions you made that led you there own everything that came with that. So you can use it to empower you What does? Well, because that's what happens when you own something that becomes yours. You know, yeah. And just like anything that's yours, you can sell it, you can give it away, you can share it with people. So so that's power. So so you took that power, at some point, what was that transition? Or do you remember that moment?

Tunisia Offray  15:35  
You know what I would love to say it was a magical One moment, but it was a combination of moments, right? It was it, you know, and I always laugh, I say, life has a funny way of pushing you to your destiny, if you allow it. If I didn't all it was all at once, have it all figured out. But every step that I took to let me put this on my person, I will go back like so. So what led me to be an entrepreneur was the fact that right, I was a single mom of three kids, I was a single mom of three kids, I'm not gonna watch and hold a job, cuz no one got three kids, no help. You know, each one of their fathers were abusive was nowhere around. So I would love to take care of these kids on my own. And getting sick and tired of someone determining my worth, right? How much they're going to pay me whether that they're going to keep me or not. I just got tired of not feeling secure. So I said that there has to be a better way. And I lost everything left. That's the last time I got fired. I lost everything house, our boyfriend, everybody laughs there was nothing left to move home with my parents for the first time as a 30 something year old woman with three kids. And I was so depressed. And I had to figure out like, what are you doing in your life? What does this look like for you. And I remember something telling me to focus on what made me happy. And in that moment, I felt like everything that made me happy was gone, right? My car was gone. I didn't have no money, I couldn't get my nails done. You know, I

Tunisia Offray  17:04  
wear everything that made me happy was gone. So then I started searching for my house. And what I started to realize was, we had nothing but the things that we were happy with when I was with my kids, right? When I was actually able to make breakfast in the morning instead of rushing to drop them off at school, and didn't have time to feed them because I had to get to work when I was able to see them do the Pledge of Allegiance that for that I would have missed because I was at work. There were moments that I realized that I was there for my kids, and they were so happy I was there and even when we had nothing. So that made me realize what made me happy was being a mother to my kids. And so then I have to figure out how can I make this my life as a single mom with no money in the bank? You ain't got no car. You don't have nothing like how can I make this my life? How can I make my kids my priority? And at that moment, you know, now everybody wants to be a boss. But that, you know, some years ago nobody was talking about being a boss, especially now no black girl. Yeah. Like, we wasn't all bosses. That's just the truth. So I was not going to be able to have my own business. So I thought about what I was good at. And at that moment, I was I wasn't booking for in Hollywood, you know, for a prestigious business management firm. I did a book for like actors and producers and stuff like that. So I was really, really good. Wow. So I said, Well, I can do this for small business owners, right. But we don't have time to deal with this stuff. Yeah. And it was just a setup from the universe. I happen to take the same job at the Pasadena Civic Center, didn't know where I was going. The lady at the time was setting up for a conference. And I didn't know what the topic was going to be no clue. He says Tunisia. You know what, I know you're here with me today. But what do you really want to do? And at this moment, I never told anyone that I want to start a business. Because I thought it sounded crazy, right? I didn't have a plan. I'd have no money. I didn't have a website, I have nothing. Okay, driving a car. You know, I was like, somebody said to tell her. And I was Oh, I can't tell her that I can tell this lady, this. And so I told her. And I believe I've spoken in the universe, I promise and everything was fired for it to happen. Little did I know that that conference was a conference with small business owners. And that woman stood up introduced me at the back table. It says I have some news to offer with me today. There she is a bookkeeper. And she works with small business with regard to the fact table and give her your information. I have people writing their numbers on a piece of paper. That's all I have. And that started my business. Within six months, I was back in my old place fully furnished with a car and I never worked for anyone ever again. That's when I realized my own power. That was my turning moment like that's when I stepped into the quote unquote boss woman that people see because I realized that I had the power to change and make my life be whatever it

Jason Hardin  19:49  
is. Isn't that great power.

Tunisia Offray  19:52  
Very lightning.

Jason Hardin  19:56  
That is an incredible story and because it tells So so many people's journeys they had nothing you don't I'm saying it's easy when you got so much easy when mommy and daddy can put the house up you don't I'm saying it's easy when when somebody passes leave you that 100,000 at 20 grand and 50 grand it's a little easier and even then it's challenging so I'm not taking anything away from anybody to build anything from wherever they started whether it be something or nothing but there's something that's more special from you know that those stories that started and ended and we created yourself to be what you are today those stories aren't you know because because just like me there's times that we thought we weren't successful and we were just deep into the BS we didn't see it but we we haven't been successful in the hallway building with the wrong person doing everything and in the negative numbers you know we get deeper into the negative numbers and and to always come back we got I mean just basic math to come back from negative to a positive you don't have to hit zero again you know, you always don't have to call zero again. So people do not be afraid to have nothing done or not be afraid to start over cuz Tunisia did it I know I hadn't done it I know a lot of people that have done it and and I'm gonna tell you one thing when you do it that way you appreciate things a lot more than those who didn't do it that way. Just like you say you're happy with it with the with the nothings now you got some now those breakfasts you cook a good breakfast. Now the stove and the lights on when you eat it, it's just like we do the same things the same things when you joy when you have nothing then when you have some you just do them in a different way. And you do them in different places. But but but that's one thing I also want to tap on is that you You didn't look outward for your change or your power, you look inward. You know, you look inward, what makes me happy, dammit. What should I be doing? what what what's society doing Where's who's making the most money, what field is paying, you look inward, you know what I'm saying? And you and you take it back to where your joy and your happiness was with nothing because I tell folks man, when you get it, you're still gonna go back to what makes you happy. You don't I'm saying and and after you do one thing that separates like those with money and those don't is actually spending the money but what they do with their time is something we all can do. So have millionaires read if they think and they and they explore and they make themselves healthy and they do all these other things, you know, outside of spending money, that's what you need to do to be a millionaire. You know, so so I just appreciate everything you brought to the table cuz to me your confirmation, you don't I'm saying cuz I know we look at our stories as as original and, and sometimes we like you said, there's no book for this. There's no manual on how to get it like that. There's a lot of books out there, but they're not, you know, they're all catered to that person. So when you reach people's, when you connect with folks who really got it that way, and really understand the struggle and has made it, it allows me to appreciate it even more. You know, when I see other people have it because you mean just true. It means that anybody can do it, it means that like Delray said at an event you said you changed your mind, you changed your life. Oh, man, that's very true. And it's just that simple. You know, cuz, because just like you said, though, I had a lot of transition. When you look back, it feels like it was just a moment overnight, you know, it feels like I don't know how I was ever thinking the way I was, you know, I don't know how I, I don't know how I was ever broke. Anybody else in full, I don't know how they broke, you know. So you start thinking, and I get it all the time. But that's why I do shows like this. And that's why I like seeing you doing interviews and speaking to people because that they we live now, we got to remember that somebody still can get here, you know, somebody that thought like we used to think can still make it to where we are today. Or even better, or their definition of it. So I appreciate you Tunisia, and I'm glad and thankful for everything you've done for me personally, for being on the shell, but also for what you do a bunch of women and a bunch of others out there.

Tunisia Offray  24:00  
Thank you, thank you. You know, I tell people, I mentor other entrepreneurs. And I tell people like when they say, Oh, I want to be an entrepreneur with you know, they look at you like what did you do? And I asked them, What makes you happy? And that people every time you know, what does that have to do with me making money. And what I say is what I've learned in this journey of being an entrepreneur is that when you follow your happy one, you're going to go hard at it because that's what you need in order to be successful. Not gonna feel a lot worse to you. Because you love it right? Even when you fail at it, you're going to still love it because what you love it Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's like a baby like you have to love it in order to make it work because it's not easy. And so I tell people first identify where your passion where your happiness, and then follow that that's going to lead you to ultimately where you're supposed to be and your success that you're looking for. is not what's gonna make me the most money You know, I mean money Follow that will come because you'll be great at what you do. So the money will come.

Jason Hardin  25:04  
I love it. And you know what we go ended I was going to get your last words in but that that was perfect. You know and I want people to remember that I want that to resonate in the minds of audience today. And thank you to Nisha from Tunisia for being here. I appreciate every word you said and every piece of game and and we will end this interview on that. So uh, thank you, Tunisia.

Tunisia Offray  25:27  
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. And I really appreciate you. I'm very honored to be on this platform and you're doing an awesome job.

Jason Hardin  25:34  
Oh, I appreciate that is honored to be honored by you. I swear. That's all we do, man. we'll recognize well, and I know you go shoot.

Tunisia Offray  25:45  
Thank you. Thank you. No problem.

Jason Hardin  25:48  
Anyway, y'all. Like I said, that was Tunisia. oh five man, you can connect with her in our show notes. We have all the information, hit him up on Instagram, all her all her social media is the same. It's at Tunisia offray on all platforms. So check her out. She has a lot of good things going on. She got like I said, if you need help with any type of counseling, domestic violence, man or woman, whatever it is, if you need to talk to somebody that organization provides and like I said, Man, she is an incredible person. And yeah, and once again, man, we do have this book that I'm still trying to give away. It is the relationship dismount. And it is how to stick the landing when exiting a toxic relationship. And I felt it was good to bring this book up. Since we're talking about relationships. It's autographed and written by xo Williams. And you guys can leave a review. Best review gets the book I'll send it to you. But anyway, I love y'all man. Thank you guys for being here. And remember, success is a lifestyle peace.

Outro  26:51  
Did anything stand out to you in today's show? If so, let us know. Your questions, comments and concerns are important to Jason as he is determined to always deliver to you only the most impacting information and content. Until next time, please SUBSCRIBE, like, comment, share, and leave a review whenever possible. You may visit life of a boss dotnet for more episodes and great resources to help you become the absolute boss that you were meant to be. You can also follow Jason on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at hardway harden. Thank you and to never forget that success is a lifestyle lifestyle.