Interview with Brandon Lamar

In this episode, Hardin interviews writer, activist, and City of Pasadena commissioner, Brandon Lamar.

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Transcript

Intro  0:01  
Hello, and welcome to life of a boss the podcast hosted by entrepreneur, public speaker and mentor, Jason Hardin. This podcast is all about helping audiences create and reach their own definition of success through positive thinking, perseverance and personal development. having survived extreme obstacles from an early age, such as cancer, poverty, abuse, family dysfunction, and even homelessness. Jason has learned how to master the art of resilience, and to fight all odds to become the boss he is today. So get ready for some serious game. And remember to keep an open mind. Now without further delay, here's your host, Jason Hardin.

Jason Hardin  0:43  
Well, thank you for that intro. And I am Jason Hardin. And welcome back to another wonderful episode of life of a boss. The podcast is the show where we help audiences create and live their own definition of success, through perseverance, positive thinking, and above all else, personal development. Because all things start with self, y'all. Any change you want to see in the world starts with you. So that being said, I'm kind of excited today and I want to jump into it because we have a great episode with a great brother on the show today, the brother is a first of all, he's just very active in the community. He's a boss in all means that by all means, and that's why he's on the show today. He's a commissioner. He's an author. He is the recipient of the national advocate award, the LA County millennial Leader Award, and the Pasadena Community Service Award. And that's pretty much what he does the bulk of his good work. And I appreciate the brother, like I said, I crossed paths with him doing the good stuff I do for our community. So I know he's active. And I know he's out there. And like I said, he's a recent, he's a recent published author, and I'm gonna let you tell him I'm gonna let him tell you about I don't want to tell this story for him. And he's just good brother. And that is Brandon D. Lamar. How you doing, Brandon?

Brandon Lamar  2:01  
What's going on? Man? I'm doing fantastic, man. It's a good day to be alive.

Jason Hardin  2:05  
Ain't it ain't every day a good day to be alive? And especially today?

Brandon Lamar  2:10  
It is my it is everyday. Good day.

Jason Hardin  2:13  
Man. Thank you for being here. Man. I know you're a busy guy. I know you got a lot of things going on. And I just appreciate you taking the time to help me help others help themselves. You feel me? Y'all? Absolutely. And that being said, Man, I know your recent published author, you know, you you wrote two children's books within the last I would say a year and a half is am I correct? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And and I think those are very incredible project, because I think it's amazing what you do with the youth. And just so I mean, I'm pretty sure you already know the whole point of this show is helping others create and live their own definition of success. And I see you do it, you know, I've seen you carve out your niche, I see you doing the boss stuff you do in your lane and your alley the way you want to, you know, and I appreciate that. And I appreciate that. But I also see what I respect even more that you help a lot of other youngsters do it. It's in your work. It's in your community work. It's in your projects, you know what I'm saying? And it's definitely in your book. Can you tell us a little bit about the mentorship you do and how important that is to you? And how much a part of your business or your brand. That is?

Brandon Lamar  3:23  
Absolutely. So just just a little bit, I wrote my first book in 2018. But the funny thing is, even though I wrote it in 2018, it didn't get released until 2020. Okay, so send me two years to release it. Because I was looking for artists, I mean, illustrators and all this other kind of stuff to put it together. And so, you know, it was perfect timing. I released it right before the pandemic hit. And so it was it was really good

Jason Hardin  3:58  
in regards to that. And that's perfect timing for real,

Brandon Lamar  4:01  
man, perfect timing. So then the pandemic hit. And when the pandemic hit, you know, everything else was going on. We was going through social unrest, and dealing with police brutality, and marches with George Floyd and all this other kind of stuff. And so, I wrote my first book called "The King In Me" that are at least in the top of 2020. Yes, and then man, we start I started getting them and people calling me and texting me and, and shouted me out and all this other kind of stuff. They would hear me speak at these protests. I mean, I've traveled so much during 2020 it was like the probably most I've ever traveled. And for real man, literally every week or every other week, I was somewhere else. And so you know, people started seeing me speaking at events, and they hit me up like man, you know, our son needs help. We read in your book, and we're doing this, but you know, our son, you know, they need your help. And then I get people, adults. crying. As they're reading this book, he's not even reading "The King In Me." Because the "The King In Me"  actually gives affirmation to young king. And that's the same thing as the "The Queen In Me". Yeah, they give direction and affirmations to young kings like you are, you are beautiful, you are handsome, you are smart, you are intelligent, like some simple stuff that our young teens need to hear, but don't hear too often. Yeah. And so it gives those kinds of insights of, Hey, this is my name. And so you know, those are some of the things that are inside of the book. And having people call you by your name and not by what they want to call you back or a nickname that they just made up for you. They don't know how to say your name or pronounce your name. Wow. And so it's things like that. And so we started to get hit up on on our inboxes and stuff that are yo we need something for the kids. And so I sat back last year, and you know, we were in the middle of a pandemic. So I know some people not gonna like me for this but in the middle of a pandemic, we'll take 25 young people, young men, and we created the young kings retreat. One thing that I started to understand that everything that I do is unorthodox. It's not common Yeah. So in the time that we were in you know, it wasn't common for us to do an event outside we found some partners that we found some partners that that let us do it at their space for free. community people. I won't say it because it was the exclusive that we did so yeah, man they opened up their doors to us and we say 25 young people young man from the ages of 17 I mean from ages 13 to 17 and we did everything from laser tag we I got my taco lady out there she made fresh tacos in front everybody we ate tacos together we did we had a bingo game truck on the street wow we did we call it punch n' paint that kids can drink so we did punch n' paint Yeah, man we have mentors around the community. What I like to call OGs or whatever you will call them Yeah, but we have men around the community that just came to mentor our young men so that's like where the mentorship just started at Yeah, I believe every young man in order for you to have guidance you have to have a mentor. Everybody doesn't have their father in their life but everybody can have the men in their life that's about it that's being young man or millennial you know, we have to reach the next generation if we're going to close this gap of poverty if we're going to close this gap of homelessness, if we're going to close this gap of kids being without fathers, we have to start it with mentorship and with guidance because with mentorship comes guidance with guidance come opportunity so that's how we started the young kids retreat is going on again this year and you know more information to be out soon but that's you know, that's how we started mentor and every young every young man that came left with a mentor if not two mentors and so it wasn't just a black situation Yeah, we had Hispanic there. We had whites there we have blacks here so we all came together and we shut it down and we have fun

Jason Hardin  8:25  
absolutely you know that actually is such an incredible story because you said so much that I want to touch on but I'm not gonna have enough time to touch on everything because it was all good stuff but I think one particular aspect of all that that you kind of touched on without saying a word that kind of sums up a lot of foundation for what you do is trauma it seems like like you address through your book through your work a lot of trauma you know and and it's it's it's weird to always get back to trauma because from here you know personal development all starts with self but in self care even even to perform self care I've learned that you have to perform or basically conduct trauma informed self care as you would perform trauma informed care on someone else. You know cuz I think a lot of folks we take general advice and we might use them and wonder why it doesn't work for us. You know, what's wrong with me man this went for him he lost 20 pounds he got money or whatever it is, we utilize it and wonder why it doesn't work for us I think because we don't treat ourselves to that trauma informed lens that's so necessary. You know that and and for those that don't understand that trauma informed lens basically it's solving or addressing the behind the scenes problem. You know, the root and the foundation that doesn't actually show in the symptoms, you know, the symptoms you just have a bad kid you have somebody acting up yet somebody Shut, shut in. You have so many symptoms, and you , and they don't tell the story. The symptoms don't always tell the story. So you have to do a little effort to dig and get that story. And that's trauma informed care, that extra effort that that sensitivity that that that insight, and how important is understanding trauma, and is a mentorship to you? Right.

Brandon Lamar  10:21  
So at first, the first thing about trauma that we have to understand is that everybody's solution to trauma is different. Mm hmm. And so everybody, everybodys footstep towards guidance, in in their healing process to trauma is different. Something that I also understand about trauma, and this is not one of my next books. And I guess this is an exclusive. One of my next book is actually called "Triggers", how to deal with our drama is how if we don't deal with our drama, our people around us, our family, our friends, our businesses, they become targets, to our triggers. That's one thing that we have to understand about. Number one about trauma is that, you know, if you don't deal with the trauma, you can hurt people around you that are actually trying to help you. And they're trying to support you in trying to be there for you, I totally, but but when we are actually dealing with trauma, and work with young men and young women that have dealt with our that are dealing with traumatic situations, my first step is, especially when I teach trainings on this, I always tell the people that I'm talking to, to put yourself in the shoes, of this young person, half of us don't even have to put ourselves in their shoes, because we've been where they were, where they are, we were where they are. And so that's the first step. And so and then it's also understanding is that, like, for example, my program that I have right now that I'm overseeing, I tell my staff every single day, is that you have 12 months, six to 12 months to get everything out that is that this young man or this young woman been dealing with for the last 17/16 years, yeah, you only have six months. And so you only have six months to help them six months to help them redirect their mindset six months to help them focus on something else. And that's six months. That's the equivalent to the 16 years, and they've been dealing with this problem. And that's some of the stuff that we've seen, even in last year, we've seen a high rise and murders and a high rise in suicide and a high rise in domestic violence situations and, and kids not being able to go to school or play sports or do all this other kind of stuff that would get them away from the traumatic experience that they were going through at home. Yes, we've seen the uprise and all these kinds of things. So with all that being said, My thing is first off one thing one way and this is the easy way without getting too deep in it, but one way that we can help each other With our traumatic, with our traumatic experiences is being our being our authentic self. Yeah, I mean, is that when you ask somebody how they are doing, actually listen to how they're doing. Because so often we say, Hey, how you doing? Oh, I'm good man. But behind that good, is a traumatic experience, find that good. It's something that they're currently going through behind that good is something that they're trying to cover up or it could be a silent help, a silent cry for help. Yeah, so be your authentic self, but also not only been your authentic self, but when you interact with people go the extra mile and see how they're really doing because some people don't have people that they trust. Some people don't have people that they can talk to. And I always tell people this too, and leadership and stuff that I do in leadership is that everybody can't handle the weight of your events. Yeah, yeah, so everybody can't handle the stuff that you're dealing with everybody can't handle your trauma so we have to have people in our circle who we know we can trust and we can who we know and understand that can handle the weight of what we're dealing with you right so yeah, man traumas is very real, it's very prevalent, but also think trauma there's a solution for our common experience.

Jason Hardin  14:16  
You know, you touched on something and it said going the extra mile because my next question was gonna be well, how do you reach somebody in that six months battling 17 years of that you know what I'm saying what like, what do you do and in one thing probably wasn't wouldn't have been your answer. But one thing you already answered was going that extra mile. And I can vouch for that, because I remember being a kid in high school, and I can remember my teacher very well. Mr. Brown, his name is Neville Brown. So if you know this, man, give him a give him some applause right now. His name is Neville Brown, he was a teacher at PHS Pasadena high school and I appreciate him so much because he did exactly what you said. He would ask me, you know how my day was, and all that you No, but but fine wasn't good enough answer for him. It would never was, you know. And then not only that, he would ask her this stuff. How's your dad? You know how, and then like, that kind of shocks you a youngster in certain environments, because first of all, we think people just don't care adults just doing them. They just don't give a damn, we're going through they, they're busy, they're whatever, they're in their world. So when somebody takes the time to ask a question, it's open ended. It's an open ended question, he, he's taken a moment of time to spend with me for whatever my answer may be. And though I couldn't articulate it, like that, back then I appreciated every second of it every moment, every effort that he made to understand me, and to be there for me, and that's why I appreciate him and Mr. Bell, I don't know if you know, Mike Bell, but like, yeah. And it just so happens that we're both black male teachers, you know, what I'm saying, and I and, and that probably played into a little bit itself, because my father wasn't always there. You know what I'm say and during high school, he wasn't living at the home with me. So. So these males, these positive males, that that wasn't trying to turn youngsters out, because there was so many trying to do that. And to be respectful. A lot of these males that were trying to turn folks out into the dope game to gangs and all that that was, that was just the best, some of them knew how, so not to knock their effort that they may try to reach their youngsters, but they just wasn't equipped. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. So So I appreciate all the tools that we give all the people, not just the youngsters, but some of these OGs who are willing to help, but just don't know no better than they were taught, you know what I'm saying? So So programs like yours books like yours. And when you come to speak, I think you touch not just the youngsters, some of the adults. And I think that's one of the great things that millennials have going on. They have that, that that intuition to be and understand both. Yeah, you think that's, that's important? Like really, you know, to reach these other people like to be empathetic? And is that giving you an advantage being the age you are and seeing the different, I guess generations?

Brandon Lamar  17:09  
Right? I think I think it is a benefit. I think one of one of the other benefits was having the grandmother that I had, as everybody or no, I lost my grandmother, June 2 of this year. And you know, it's a difficult time, because she's the reason why I do everything that I do. Besides my parents, she's the reason why I'm in the community shes the reason why, I can imagine all the people that I know, she's, you know, shes that, she's my why, she's my rock. And so, you know, a lot of a lot of the reason why I can go in between generational gaps is because of influence of, you know, how I saw her operate. And, and, and here's how I saw her operate is how I always try to do no matter what our differences are, you know, I can have a difference with somebody and they'll never know. Yeah, because I know how to operate. Right? Yeah. And so she told me, she taught me that everything I do, at the end of it has to be love. You want to correct somebody, correct them in love somebody, people, be there for them in love gonna help somebody help them in love. And so everything that I do, everything that I'm a part of, is because I love it. And I love the people that are connecting with and I love the people that I'm able to help. And so one thing and going back to, you know, working with young people working in the community, one thing that I also learned about, you know, working with people with traumatic experiences, is you have to appreciate the small victories you have to appreciate and you have to celebrate small victories. Because some people don't get clap for it. Some people don't, don't get the pat on the back. Yeah, people don't get the praises and stuff. So we have to learn to start celebrating each other's victories. And that's another sign of love. But at the end of the day, absolutely everything that we do, has to be connected to love. And so, you know, the funny thing is, is that there's so many ways to show love, there's so many ways to be there for people, but I think, you know, not only being able to go through generational, generational gaps, but then also lifestyle gaps and genres gap. Yeah, yeah. Little focus of gap. All of it is this extension of love. I'm able to go anywhere and everywhere because not only because I'm a pastor and not only because people see me in a different light. So because when I go there, I go there with love, I go there to help I go there to support and so I think what people have to take, you know, you know, change our lifestyle, first you have to check ourselves. And I think anytime you go to any situation or you go there and you try to you know, exert yourself into any sort of weight situation. Yeah, first you have to check your They often say okay, am I doing this out of love? am I helping out of love? Or am I helping? Because I need something Yeah, or am I helping because somebody told me that I need to be helping. And so we really have to check our motives especially when we're working and dealing and helping people, we got to check that every single thing we do has to be out of love

Jason Hardin  20:18  
with that, that's a very powerful message and just to let everybody know and as a bit of a tribute man, I think your grandmother had that effect on way more people have been just you and it's, it's amazing how some people just have that impact and, and to see so many people affected and so many people celebrating the life of your grandmother See, I don't know if you guys out there know but Pasadena is a very influential city it's a very it's a city that has a big name, but it's really a very small community. You know, you see it every year on TV and you only see one street so you really have no idea what the rest of the city looks like, but it's small, you know, and things that happen here everybody feels you know so so all the history of it, we all take pride and we all are connected to and your grandmother is a thread in that history, you know, in the fabric of history in this city in this community and you know, just generally in our world and in our society because people like that have laid the foundation for people like you to do even more work you know, so nothing parished with with her life being not here anymore. You don't I'm saying her efforts live on to each and everybody and like I said, there's so many people and it's crazy how how you know her name mother Emmons, you know her name rings out, but you don't really get to see the impact until until you leave here until someone leaves Yeah, and then all the people come out the Woodworks and you just didn't know who was related to her who was touched by her who was you know who got these stories and and it's just so incredible about being from a community that has that much unity when it exercises it you know, and I think that you're right it does take you know a collective effort to get anything done and I appreciate how you bring people together you've never been divisible and you've never taken sides like you said you know how to work with everybody and you don't just do it in the church community because you know that's a very nice community sometimes you do it in politics but right and it's a very vicious environment out there as you float through it with a smile on your face without an enemy in the world appreciate that you know cuz some of us we pick sides and we pick battles early so we we got to ride those out you know I'm saying I'm one of those folks and and we all have our different roles to play so I don't mind being one of those folks but I always look up to folks who play the game of society the way you do it with so much love you know what I'm saying because that shows in everything you do is a little too much for me I guess in my style cuz I guess I didn't have that love growing up to have so much in all I do but but I appreciate it and like I said some of that does wear off you know what I'm saying? I do look at you I do admire that and that's why you own the show because I see the boss in other folks you know I'm saying they might not be the traditional boss but like I said in you I see you have figured out your own definition of success you know what I'm saying you know you walk out of your lane and you walking strong and successfully with your head held high and that's why I appreciate you and that's why I try to show these youngsters that there's a million different ways to get to be successful it's not somebody else's definition you know it's your what what do you see your success work? What gives you that feeling of joy? What gives you that passion that pleasure you don't I'm saying how do you want to be seen and respected? How do you want to feel how do you want to look that's what success is not what you have? You know what I'm saying it's more so how you feel how do you live every day that's why we say success is a lifestyle it's in the choices we make at every moment you know what I'm saying that's so so so that's why I appreciate you so much man that's why you're on the show and I know we don't talk at every event and we don't connect at everything but I always stay watching and tell people man someone's always watching conduct yourself like so, you know what I'm saying cuz somebody is always keeping getting somebody is always you know trying to figure you out and and and sometimes in a good way sometimes in a bad way but the whole thing is somebody is always paying attention. You're always teaching you're always showing and the way you move teachers in shows nothing but love respect and perseverance because you pulled through to some of these like you said you pulled to this COVID stuff and of course we lost Anthony McLean and we deal with so many social justice issues just in our community alone, let alone Yeah, you know society as a whole but to see you pull through and always come out You know, on the positive end of it always bringing people together, always making people love you even more in a time where there's so much hate and division going on. Like I said, it's admirable brother. 

Brandon Lamar  25:10  
I appreciate it, man, I appreciate the love. And I mean, I think at the end of the day that that we, you know, we all like that we all have our lanes to play. Yeah. And, you know, so many people get in other people's lane because they don't know their lane. Yeah, they're still trying to figure out their lane, you know. And so, you know, with guidance and with mentorship, you know, mentorship is a big thing, but with mentorship. That's how I found my lane. That's how I came to understand my lane. I love it. That's the guidance that I got. So man, I appreciate the love and I appreciate the support. And we will keep doing what we got to do.

Jason Hardin  25:43  
Absolutely. Before we get out of here, man. A couple things, man, what can somebody do right now cuz I'm pretty sure you can agree there is no age limit in having a mentor. I'm pretty sure you got one now, you know,  should but for folks that have never tried to reach out well, what would you tell them? How can someone reach out and have a mentor? Get one because we should all have one?

Brandon Lamar  26:06  
Right? We definitely should. Well, for me, I'm gonna be honest with you. For me, I have multiple. I have a mentor for my business. I have a mentor for my book. I have a mentor for my life, my lifestyle. I have a mentor that encompass everything in those all of those areas. Right? I have multiple mentors. That's awesome. But I also say, when when having a mentor, you have to have somebody that is where you where you look to be.

Jason Hardin  26:39  
Absolutely. Yeah,

Brandon Lamar  26:42  
yeah, where they are currently, that is the place if you can't have a mentor that's in the same position you are, because they can't tell you nothing. They can't tell you about a mistake, they can tell you about a shortcoming. They can't tell you about how to get there because we're on the same level. So how can you tell me something exactly right side by side, but you have to have somebody that you can, that is attainable, that is obtainable that you can reach anyone can get ahold to, but you also have to have somebody that is already at where you're trying to go. And so that's what I appreciate about all my mentors, is that all of them are at different places in their life, but they're at places where I want to be one of me and so and everybody is not great to be a mentor let me say that too. So make sure that when you're looking for a mentor you find somebody who is accessable to you with somebody that you can reach somebody that you can touch with somebody that has a foundation and you go for it but then also when when also dealing with a mentor you have to be honest yeah you have to tell the truth and how you feel and what's going on in your life be honest with you so be honest with them and if they can't be honest with you then that's not a mentor for you then move though you know yeah move on.

Jason Hardin  27:55  
Yeah I like that because well you're so light and one thing that you said about having a mentor was like you didn't say it but you kind of hinted at it is that you get you might have to go outside your comfort zone because it because the mentor ain't gonna be the home or your boy You know what I'm saying is usually not somebody with within already your circle so you might have to do a little research you might have to ask some questions you might have to go to these circles that you guys deal with like maybe church school and you're like you might have to get out your comfort zone to find somebody who's where you want to be especially if you come from a household or an environment where we don't have a lot of those in our homes you know cuz I grew up with the people in my home wasn't where I wanted to be. You know, and that's the only thing they pretty much taught me is what not to do. So I had to find somebody to teach me how to do the things I needed to do. You know, and man I appreciate everything you said today but before we get out of here, tell somebody how they can reach you how they can connect with you how they can get your book.

Brandon Lamar  28:52  
Absolutely. So on social media, Facebook, my name is Brandon Donte Lamar Donte is spelled D-O-N-T-E know Brandon Donte Lamar, on Facebook and you'll find me Instagram. I am bdlamar. So my initials BD, Brandon D. Lamar, bdlamar, that's Instagram, then my website is www.bdlamar.org you can definitely get the book on my website you can get all my clothing line and jewelry like everything is on my website so you can get all that stuff on my website, but then also, if you're in the Pasadena area just hit me up man DM me, and I'll get the information in the books to you myself. And so yeah, definitely appreciate the love Jason.

Jason Hardin  29:39  
No man, I appreciate you and for anybody else who might want a copy, we given away a copy of each of his books that's "The King In Me" and "The Queen In Me" autographed copy. I hope I can get this brother to autograph this book, but we're gonna give away an autographed copy for somebody who leaves the best review about this episode on Apple iPad I mean Apple podcast and then please subscribe please share and like I said the best review will definitely get a copy of Brandon's book I'll ship it to you myself and if you're in the Pasadena area I'll deliver it myself man's gotta love folks man and it's creating connections man and I'm glad I've created a connection with you formed before this show. And like I said, Man, I applaud you and all you do and I will continue to root for you and support you in any way I can my brother

Brandon Lamar  30:28  
thank you so much man.

Jason Hardin  30:29  
No thank you all right, man. That's all episode of day man. Like I said one check out Brandon is bdlamar.org. bdlamar.org. You can find his book his products. And just like he said, Man, well he didn't say it but I'm gonna say it man. If you support anything he does, you're actually supporting everything this brother does. So go out there and buy something just to support the work and effort that he has, that he brings to this community and society as a whole. Anyway, I love y'all man. That's our time that's all show man, life of a boss and remember, success is a lifestyle.

Outro  31:06  
Did anything stand out to you in today's show? If so, let us know. Your questions, comments and concerns are important to Jason as he is determined to always deliver to you only the most impacting information and content. Until next time, please SUBSCRIBE, like, comment, share, and leave a review whenever possible. You may visit www.lifeofaboss.net for more episodes and great resources to help you become the absolute boss that you were meant to be. You can also follow Jason on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at hardwayhardin. Thank you and to never forget that success is a lifestyle lifestyle.