236. The Bittersweet Season of Back to School

The seasons are shifting, and school is back. How can we make sure that summertime bliss doesn't fade with the season? Listen in to hear things we are working on with ourselves and our family to be a unified front.

Transcript

The War Within Ourselves

Speaker 1 0:00

We are at war and it's not against our neighbors, spouses, children, politicians or whatever else we feel like we're battling against.

Speaker 2 0:08

So the questions are who's the fight against, and are we winning or losing? We're the Adkins, and we are a force to be reckoned with. Are you ready to join? The force. Happy tuesday everyone, or maybe another day of the week, depending on when you're listening to this, but it it did come out on Tuesday.

Speaker 1 0:44

Tuesday.

Speaker 2 0:47

We hope that you're having a good week. We're excited to talk about this episode. We originally had planned for this episode to air in early August, before the first day of school, but with the way life works, that didn't happen, and the more I actually think about it, this feels like it is actually a better flow, because who can possibly take on any more information in the weeks leading up to back to school and the first couple weeks of back to school? You know what I mean yeah, can.

Speaker 1 1:31

Can we like? Can we get something a movement started here, maybe in our school district in lake anybody that's listening like the information overload, like it's too much.

Speaker 2 1:45

It's way too much.

Speaker 1 1:46

Like we did not have apps when we went to school that the teachers could communicate and the school could just send all this stuff. They sent us home with papers and sometimes those papers made it to us and sometimes they didn't, and we could like breeze through them and skim through them, decide what was important or not. We could like breeze through them and skim through them, decide what was important or not. But now we get inundated like a spam email with forty five hundred messages From schools.

Speaker 1 2:15

It's like can you just stick to the important stuff? Like I don't. And then we, we miss stuff. I know I miss stuff. It's too much.

Speaker 2 2:25

Yeah, miss stuff, it's too much. Yeah, I agree it's a lot and I Summer gets toward Go ahead.

Speaker 1 2:31

I was just going to say, even with the kids in daycare, like one of them said, oh, didn't you see the message? I was like I just it was one of the administrators. I was like no.

Speaker 1 2:40

I didn't. I said I'll be honest with you when and I said I'm not complaining like to you and I was, like you know, being a little bit funny about it with my tone. But I was just like when I get a message every day that you changed their diaper and they drank their bottle and all this stuff, like the important messages just get lost in the noise, like Like when I was a kid my parents didn't know that I got my diaper changed. Right.

Speaker 1 3:07

Like we. Just I expected you to change their diaper and feed them. If you didn't like, that's a, that's a problem.

Speaker 2 3:14

It's constant noise, it's a lot, it's overwhelming. You got to turn off the notifications but then then you miss stuff and I used to be so much more organized than I am. I feel like this last three years have made me like a scattered brain fool. I thankfully I have people that remind me. Oh, take lunch. Today it's scooter day, it's pajama day, because I can't keep up. But it's going to get better. I know. Well, I'll get back to my old roots, but the apps aren't helping. We'll just say that Send what's important.

Speaker 1 3:48

The crazy thing is is like when we took the kids to their meet the teacher and whatever computer pickup thing is, we get all these messages on the app. And then they also gave them these paper packets like you double dipped.

Speaker 2 4:00

I know and I know some parents appreciate that and I don't know. I guess you just can't please everyone if you do appreciate that.

Speaker 2 4:08

I'm sorry, but I cannot relate we are not we are not the same if if I drop my child off at daycare, it's because I'm working and I'm not going to check the app to see how long they took a nap. Sometimes it's helpful if I need to pick up maya to know she's sleeping, that I won't wake her up in the middle of a nap. But other than that, as long as I pick them up and they're in one piece and they've been fed and they don't have like bad diaper rash.

Speaker 2 4:38

You don't I'm good just less is more, less is more, so Less is more, so I don't know. But yeah, that right there is like toward the end of summer I start to crave the routine and having my house be empty so I can work in a quiet house. And then actually, when my house is clean and I leave for the day, I don't come home and it's destroyed. Although Carter and liberty did do a little bit better with that this year still not great. But then I think about back to school and I don't know what pick your poison, because there's so many demands and expectations for school too that it can be a lot that paper that liberty was filling out last night?

Speaker 1 5:21

yeah, that we were supposed to fill out, but I didn't. Did you fill it out? Because I didn't?

Speaker 2 5:24

there were parts where I was like if she fills this out, it's gonna look really bad yeah, but even on that it's like name three words to describe your.

Speaker 1 5:31

They had us put our address in like three different places. Like you, you have our address. Look in your system. You have the address. Why do I need to now put it on this piece of paper now?

Speaker 2 5:45

yeah, I don't know, you have the address why do I need to now put it on this piece of paper now? Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 5:48

You have my phone number and when it said, like, how does your dad prefer communication, not the app? But I know you're going to use the app, even if I put don't at me, text me. They're not going to do it, they're going to at me.

Speaker 2 6:05

I know, and if we said, why Don't? Communicate with the dad because he's not going to answer. And if you're, if my daughter is at school with her leg broken in half and you try calling her dad, he's not going to answer.

Speaker 1 6:19

I do, nobody will know I will say that I do answer when the school calls when they call yeah.

Speaker 2 6:25

Well, I guess if she had a broken leg they would call they're not going to at me.

Speaker 1 6:27

Well, they might, they might at me, they might send a picture. Hey got a broken leg.

Speaker 2 6:33

Come pick her up.

Speaker 1 6:36

Anyway, what you didn't see it on the parent square. You didn't see that? No, I didn't. I didn't see it on Parents Square.

Speaker 2 6:42

I will say that the kids are back, so they've been back for about two weeks and it's like bittersweet. Summer is so great and I read this poem yesterday that I want to find and I want to read it to you guys about just the kids getting a year older and summer slipping away and the last drip of ice cream on their chin and like, yeah, it's so good, year older and summer slipping away and the last drip of ice cream on their chin and like, yeah, it's so good, but also it's so good for them to be, you know, back in routine and so it is a bittersweet season yeah, somebody said that to me and I was just like, yeah, in one sense it's good because they're going to go back into a routine and and structure and all that.

Speaker 1 7:25

But then the other side of it is it mean one? It triggers that summer's over, which I love summer, it's my favorite season by far. Nothing even is a close second. So like that sucks. And I also do kind of like the flexibility of them being at home that we can just like last minute plan to go do something with them or whatever. We don't have to worry about them missing school and, you know, getting turned into the truancy officer and all that stuff. But yeah, so I'm, I'm, I'm mixed on it yeah but then you also like.

Speaker 1 8:02

We went to the their eighth grade volleyball game last night and then football there's good games like there's good stuff.

Speaker 2 8:09

It's just like carter was that's why it's bittersweet right, it's a bittersweet season of back to school and it's just every year that we go through this they're a year older, and it's weird, it's, and then we're a year older.

Speaker 2 8:23

So, yeah, but for this episode we just kind of were talking through like what does this mean? What have we? I don't know, what can we do to make this season more enjoyable? And we were kind of talking about this as a couple in like our just lives. And, first of all, as I look around to this room, my house is trashed. It's trashed. I cannot wait to go through every room and this isn't even on our outline. One project a week I did the pantry and the fridge this week. Every week I'm picking another room. The kitchen's broken up a little bit and I'm gonna do the kitchen cabinets one week and I am reorganizing. And I think that this is just every year thing. This is just gonna happen every year when, when you have the kids unloading and loading the dishwasher, my cabinets are a wreck. They're doing it.

Speaker 1 9:20

They're not doing it the way I want it done yeah, there's stuff where it's not supposed to be yeah, like this room is it's not good yeah, this, this office is tended to be the catch-all it's yeah, so looking forward to having my house back.

Surviving School Communication Overload

Speaker 2 9:35

But what five ways to make back to school more enjoyable? Maybe you're already enjoying it. Well, this will make it even more enjoyable, maybe. So here we go. You want to just dive into it?

Speaker 1 9:48

yeah, so the first one. I actually talked about this to a group, uh, last week you shared about this yeah and then we like sparked a whole conversation and people like actually the one, one of the guys recommended um a book I don't know if we have it, because it sounded super familiar. It's Habits of the Household.

Speaker 2 10:08

Yeah, I read it.

Speaker 1 10:09

Oh, you did.

Speaker 2 10:09

We did a podcast on it.

Speaker 1 10:11

I know, but I don't think I read it. Did I read it?

Speaker 2 10:14

Justin Earl Whitley or something.

Speaker 1 10:15

Okay, maybe I did read it. I don't know. I've read a lot of books with Habit in the title, so I get confused. It's really good, but anyways. So we were talking about this and, uh, it's been. It's been working pretty well. So this is. We came up with this concept of family huddles.

Speaker 2 10:34

It's, this is so simple, but one of what we were originally calling them family powwows and we thought that sounded a little you know what word we want to say there? Yeah, yeah, um, anyways so we changed him to family and it would blow the whistle every night, everybody huddles in.

Speaker 1 11:01

Yeah uh, we don't't do that part.

Speaker 3 11:03

But we should actually. It would actually be a little more cool.

Speaker 1 11:07

Anyways. So over the years, the years and years, we have really tried to reinforce the kids' reading and exercising and we would go through spurts and the verdict is still out on this. Just so everybody knows on this whole concept and idea right now, because this is still relatively newish- We've been doing it like all summer.

Speaker 1 11:30

Yeah, but it's still all summer, somewhat newish, but anyways, we've encouraged the kids to read and we've tried incentivizing them by giving them money if they finish their book and if they did their workouts and all this stuff. But there was like no consistency to it. And then also, or it would last a month or something. And the other thing is is that we've been trying to read this wing feather book series for a while now and we literally years, no three years, sorry, three years.

Speaker 1 12:06

And what ends up happening is if somebody's missing or if somebody's not there, if the family's not all together, like one kid is at a grandparent's or a friend's house or something like that, it breaks the habit and then we don't do it. It breaks the habit and then we don't do it, and then the reading thing it would last at first, and then we we would like forget to continue to ask the kids, or we'd ask them and they didn't do it, we'd ask them and they didn't do it, and then it just falls off. So what we've done with the family huddles is one, and we are going to adjust this for the school year. Um, but the kids are to read 20 pages a day of a book that we pre-picked for them, and so what we did is we looked at the calendar and we said, okay, if the book is a 200 page book, you've got 10 days to read the book. We put it on our calendar.

Speaker 1 12:54

So now we have this reminder and accountability, and if they get it done by that date, they get $20. If they get it done a little bit early, then there's some bonuses. If they don't get it done by that date, they are not allowed to go to a friend's house, have sleep over any of these, no extra things until it's finished. So now there was, there's a carrot and a stick on this, there's an incentive, and then there's a negative consequence if they're not done until they get it done. So now they they're not going to forget because they have to get it done or they're not going to get to go do things and our kids are very motivated by money.

Speaker 2 13:36

So figure out what what your kid is motivated by. Generally, I think most kids are motivated by money and 20 bucks is a pretty good amount, and that that could be a problem, but the other thing is they don't just finish it and get 20 bucks. They finish it and they have to give us an oral presentation on the book, like quick five minute recap of what they learned and their takeaways. And then they get the money.

Speaker 1 13:56

And the nice thing for accountability is. So now they have freedom to choose. Like, we want you to read 20 pages a day, but if you missed a day you've got to make it up right. So they have some freedom in that. But then we do these family huddles, and these are like quick, like 15, 20-minute little family meetings where we all so we're all reading and we're all doing workouts, so we share.

Speaker 1 14:19

So there's accountability every night that they're home on, hey, give us a sentence or two on what you read in your book today and then tell us what you did for your workout today. Did you get it done, how did it go? And then, if everybody's there, then we will read Wingfeather. So that way this family huddle is becoming a habit and we do it if it's just Beth and I, we do it if it's us and one kid or whatever. I've even done it when you've been off to Bible study and I've been there with two of the kids. So we still do it. So we're in the habit now of continuing to do this no matter what. But if everybody's there, we read.

Speaker 2 14:59

And it holds us accountable too, like I want to tell them that I did my workout too and talk about what I read too. So we're both. You know we're doing that every day right now, anyway, but it is. It is like this accountability thing. And one thing I do want to add, which this is going to be different for every family, but cory and I had this conversation and there's not that cory doesn't do anything. He's a very involved, very good dad, but there's so much on the day-to-day that I keep up with the meals, the groceries, the calendar, coordinating schedule, pickups, and I'm like coordinating all of that, even the podcast.

Speaker 2 15:37

I you know the outlines and I tell them when we're going to record and I do all of that. And I just told him for these family huddles, like we talked about it and I was like I want to do these, but this is, this is one of the things that, like, you take the trash down every week, because that's just one thing that you've just taken on and then I don't have to takes it off of my load. I was like I need you to take leadership of this and ownership of it. And yeah, so when you're out of town, I'll take over. I didn't do such a good job when you're out of town this past time because it was very chaotic, but, like, for the most part, if you're in town, you're the one making it happen, because if all of this kind of stuff is coming from me like me being on the kids do your chores, do this, do that, clean your rooms. You got to go to practice, do this. It is good for you to do that too, and you do.

Speaker 1 16:33

But like yeah, I was about to say dude, anytime you want to tell them no about something you tell me to tell them yeah, well, I'm just saying it's nice to no because there's nights, I know there's nights that both of us don't want to do it, but like for the podcast, for example.

Speaker 2 16:49

We both don't want to do it, but usually it's me and it's like all right, we got to do this, we got to do this for this, and not that we don't want to do it.

Family Huddles: Building Daily Connection

Speaker 2 17:04

It's usually that when we pick to do it, it's like nine o'clock at night and we're exhausted. Yeah, yeah, same thing with the family huddle like it's just nice to know. Okay, this is gonna be, I'm gonna be forced to do this and I don't have to be the forcer. Somebody else is gonna, that's not the right word, force enforcer yeah, it's gonna be enforced and I don't have to worry about it's just a way, as the man in our house, to lead.

Speaker 2 17:23

Yeah, yeah. So family huddles every day, 10 to 15 minutes, share the highs and lows, check in on reading, workouts and responsibilities, and then we pray together and we just kind of brief over our day. Some really good conversations have come up.

Speaker 1 17:39

And sometimes we have to do them quick and sometimes we can take a little more time on them.

Speaker 2 17:49

But the fact that we're just doing it builds the habit. Yeah, and we even involve maya. We do this after the babies go to bed, um, but I will say carter and lib are both on their third book for the summer, so they've and we choose the book. You said this, yeah, personal development. So they've read really good books. Uh, liberty's read both of the way of the warrior. Kids, which, if you have kids, I would say 11 or under that are of reading age they're really good books so those are good. And then?

Speaker 1 18:14

she's reading five love languages right now five love languages for teenagers yeah and carter is reading he read, read Relentless by Tim Grover, which is like a mindset book. He read how to Win Friends and Influence People. And he's reading Do Hard Things yeah.

Speaker 2 18:30

And these are just like their books that are impactful for us. They're more above their reading level, like, if you looked these up online, they're not for kids, but we make sure that they're ones that they can comprehend. They're not super complicated, yeah, but they're growing them and stretching them and they're really, really good principles. We're picking books that again, like 10 years ago, when we were first getting into personal development, 10 to 15 years ago, they really grew us and molded us.

Speaker 1 18:58

So much.

Speaker 2 18:59

And yeah.

Speaker 1 19:00

And if we can start them earlier, all the better. And if we can start them earlier, all the better. And, to be honest with you, that's one of my biggest beefs, just in general, with school, is that we didn't learn any of these things in school. And so for our kids to be able to learn these things now, at a young age, and to catch that passion to want to learn these things, they're just going to be a lot further along yeah.

Speaker 2 19:26

so then with the family huddles we've talked about this extensively on here before, but we also do our sunday family touch bases, which is like an expanded version of the huddles, where we're talking through our schedules, planning out the week ahead. Just, dad's gonna be out of town, mom's gonna be out of town, whatever. This is what's going on this evening. Carter has a game, liberty has practice, and then it just allows us to be connected and make sure our calendars are set for the week. So that is our first of five. The other ones are quicker but I would say probably one of the most impactful and it feels like a lot, but it's really super simple, yeah, super simple.

Speaker 2 20:07

So the next one would be to carry the summer fun idea throughout the school year. So we talked about the summer bucket list in our episode last week year. So we talked about the summer bucket list in our episode last week and like a couple weeks, maybe a month into the summer, I was like this is so good because it's giving us things to. When we have an evening, we're like, oh well, let's go look at the bucket list and see if there's something we can do. And oh, water balloon fight, whatever. Why does that have to end at summer?

Speaker 1 20:41

Right.

Speaker 2 20:42

It doesn't. It's the intentionality that we really enjoyed. You know just, we had a free evening and then we would find something fun to do and we were intentional about it instead of just wasting it away watching TV. So why does that have to end with summer? It doesn't have to. So we're going to do the fall fun list back to school, you know stuff, traditions throughout the year and just work on adding. You know, for fall, our summer one was really really like. We had a lot of things.

Speaker 1 21:14

We had a lot, but it gave us a lot of things to choose from, and I think that's fine too. Create a big list, and then you just have more things to choose from more options.

Speaker 2 21:24

Not that you have to complete them all, but you have choices, because we definitely didn't complete all the summer stuff.

Speaker 1 21:28

But the other nice thing is, too, is if and just like let everything be up there, like we had vacation on there and uh, we didn't do this one, but we had like deep sea fishing on there, like stuff that would be hard to do, but just brainstorm it or brain dump all of the ideas with the family on there. Because then there are times you're like, oh yeah, that's a good one, let's plan that one out so that we can do that in a week or two. But then there are other times where you're like, hey, we've got a free evening. One of them was let's walk down to lake varsity diner and have dinner. Like that's an easy one to do. But it gave us an idea so that we could be flexible with like a short, without planning anything to, to do some of this stuff and be intentional yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 22:11

So the point two would just be carry the spirit of summer into every season, and I think this really helps, as carter was going back to school. He was super bombed, super sad, like I don't want to go back and having this fall stuff to look forward to. I think it allows them to look forward to every season. So we'll, you know, we'll do an apple orger, we'll do like a fall pumpkin themed movie night where we have all these different pumpkin treats, stuff like that, and bonfire yeah, so the good stuff just being intentional.

Speaker 2 22:44

intentionality doesn't have to stop at summer. It's not seasonal, it's just a mindset shift. Yeah, okay, number three this is something that, as we've been talking and recording today, I wrote this out for a whole episode. I want to do an episode called busyness is the opposite of intention, and that really goes into point number three make margin a priority, and that is something we have been really really working on, and we just keep cutting things out, cutting things out, cutting things out, and it is feeling better and lighter, but there's just still so much like growing and pruning that we're still in the midst of, and so making margin a priority is super important, especially because this time of year feels like one big rush yeah, I agree, and one of the things I've realized since we've been trying, since we've been in this period of like being even forced to scale back um with having two babies, but and but also intentionally scaling back things, is that not?

Speaker 1 23:59

this doesn't apply to everybody too, like when I talked talked to people about it and things like some people are really good about leaving margin, some people leave too much margin and aren't doing anything intentional or doing things to truly serve others and live out their calling in Christ.

Speaker 1 24:23

So all of this is, you know, is on a case-by-case basis and even on a season-by-season basis, because I think we've been through all kinds of different approaches to this. There have been times where we've had too much margin, there's been times where we definitely don't have enough margin. So, just, this is something that we're going through right now, and so if you can relate to this, where you just feel like you're constantly busy but you're not really getting anywhere with it, you're just kind of running on this wheel and not getting anywhere and not getting anywhere, then you know this is a time for you to audit your calendars, your time, and be more intentional and create that margin for you and your family.

Speaker 2 25:18

Yeah, and again, that's something that we've been doing so much over the last eight months, and it's not always fun. Saying no. No is hard. There's so many good things there school events sports, church, volunteering and it just really adds on. It's good stuff. But if you do too much of the good stuff, that that's not good, that's actually bad so sometimes you have to say no to good so that you can say yes to great.

Speaker 1 25:45

And there's also a point where just because you can do it doesn't mean that you should do it, and just because you could maybe do it better than somebody else also doesn't mean that you should, or by saying like no, I have to say yes to this because nobody else is going to do it.

Speaker 2 26:01

Yeah, no, that's what's gotten us into a huge mess.

Speaker 1 26:06

And sometimes it's really hard to say no, it's really hard. But if you're stretched too thin and maybe you would have been good at it, but you can't be good at everything so when you're giving, you only have so much time, so much energy that you can truly put into things, and if you're stretched so thin with so many things and you're really not doing anything, well, yes, and the more you cut things back and say no to things this has happened for me, like we have had so much shifting, the more you see like wow, we really have been letting a lot of important things fall to the wayside.

Speaker 2 26:49

I've really been neglecting this with my kids. I have really was lying to myself when I said that I was being present with them and I wasn't, and I don't even really know my kid anymore. I mean that sounds extreme, but I have felt that this year like a lot. But the more we have cut back, the more I've realized actually this feels really good and I also still feel like we have more room to grow in this area of letting things go. And it's like it's like a snowball in this way too. Like we talked about the debt snowball in the last episode, this is like a margin snowball where sometimes it's just saying cutting one little thing out, and that little tiny bit of margin helps you to realize like, okay, actually I need more of this.

Speaker 2 27:36

And when we're so like packed to the gills, it's not only bad for our family and our relationships with people, but that, as believers, that is not what God calls us to. He calls us to quiet and stillness and meditation, and you cannot possibly hear the voice of God when you're just constantly living in this extreme busyness. It's just, it's not good, it's not healthy, it's not biblical. So I will say some things that we kind of ask ourselves that have helped us to create this filter are does this align with our family's purpose?

Speaker 1 28:15

Right, and by that we mean, like, what is God calling us as individuals and us as a family to do? And if it doesn't align with God's will, even though it might be something good and it might be something that looks like, you know, this is something that God would want you to do and it could be, but if it doesn't align with the clear purpose that God has for you and your family in that season, then it's a no.

Speaker 2 28:44

Yeah, and I'll just give you a little teaser. Next week's episode I interview Elizabeth Dixon, or purpose that God has for you and your family. In that season, then it's a no yeah and I'll just give you a little teaser. Next week's episode I interview Elizabeth Dixon, who she's awesome. We've been doing phone calls this year. She's kind of been mentoring me and we're going to talk more about this family's purpose.

Making Margin a Priority

Speaker 2 29:02

If you hear this and you're like, well, what do you mean by my family's purpose? I don't don't even know what that means. That's like what her whole. She wrote a book and that's what her whole book is about and it kind of walks you through that. And I was able to define that this year and that was one of the breaking points for me of when I realized that and I was able to put it out on paper. It became this filter through which I could read our family's purpose and then weigh this decision of am I going to do this or am I not against our family's purpose, and it was an easy yes or no. And so just asking, knowing what your purpose is, asking yourself if it aligns with that and asking yourself am I choosing busyness over presence? Those are are really good questions, a good starting place, because sometimes we can use these things as a distraction to being present.

Speaker 1 29:51

And even just some of the things too, like some of the maybe bigger things that are commitments, not just like going to somebody's house or something like that, but something that is a regular, ongoing thing, that would become a commitment you.

Speaker 1 30:09

It's really easy for you to convince yourself that it's okay and that it's a good thing. So when we're saying, like, think about it, run it through this. Like, guys, we're all good negotiators and we can negotiate with ourselves and talk ourselves into justifying something, this is where you also need to make the margin to pray and be quiet and still and listen to God's what he's trying to tell you in whether you should commit to this thing or not. So, and the other thing too, is, as you start to create margin just like we talked about a little bit in the in the debt update of like you create margin in your finances to where you can breathe a little bit.

Speaker 1 30:58

It's really easy, when you create margin with your time and your commitments, to fill it back up with something else. It's really easy. And you got to be very careful and you've got to guard that, because if you don't, you may say no to one thing. You're like, oh, look, now we have time to do this. Yeah, tuesdays and Thursdays, we can do this now. And it's like, no, you just filled it with something else.

Speaker 2 31:22

Yeah, 100% yeah. And I just have down here that saying no can be one of the most faithful things that you can do. And that's something I've had to remind myself of this season, because sometimes faithfulness is not a flashy thing, and right now I'm a mom and I have five kids and I need to be faithful to the call that God has in front of me right now, in this season, and even though I might want to say yes to this good opportunity that might be more flashy or fun, selfishly sometimes that no of like, actually no, I can't afford to take that time away from my family right now. That is our faithfulness to what God has called before us.

Speaker 1 32:08

so yeah, and just one other thing I want to add in. There is like there have been just so many times over the summer and it's like I feel it, like I can, just I have felt that we're doing too much.

Speaker 1 32:22

I feel tired. It changes my mood, it changes just a lot in me, like I don't know how else to explain it other than you can. Just you can feel it, and when you're in that state state, you're no good to anybody. So, even though it might be, oh my gosh, there's I'm just making this up but there's this new family that moved into the neighborhood and I think they really need you know somebody to to hang out with in the neighborhood.

Speaker 1 32:51

Like you taking that on or you taking something else on, and you're not being the best version of yourself. You're really doing them a disservice or whatever the thing is. You're doing it a disservice and you could be stealing that from the person that God intended to actually do that, because you took it first. And also, I think sometimes there's some ego wrapped up in it where if you're like, oh no, I got to do it, it's got to be me, I got to be the one, and you're taking that glory from God, when sometimes it may be a good thing, it may be something you're even good at, but you've got to say no and trust that God will step in and and take care of the situation and rather than you just trying to take it on your shoulders.

Combat the Screen Slump

Speaker 2 33:46

Yeah, 100%, all right, so we have two more. The next one, number four, is combat the screen slump. Yeah, so we have two more. The next one number four is combat the screen slump. Yeah, so I mean, I love cozy evenings, we love family movie nights, we like watching the Voice with our kids and the cooler weather and darker. It gets darker sooner it calls for that and sometimes it's needed.

Speaker 1 34:10

And sometimes we like to just sit on the couch and watch reels while we're sitting right next to each other.

Speaker 2 34:14

Yep for sure. So it can very easily lead into this slump where you're having with yourself and your kids way too much screen time. So we've just realized in the past you know few years of winter and long seasons in Ohio that without a plan it's easy to slide into these unhealthy habits. So real quick here, what to say about this is just be proactive, know the season is coming, be okay with there being a little bit more screen time, but figure out what are going to be my boundaries here, with myself and with my kids. We want to enjoy this and we want it to be cozy. There's a book I haven't read it, I think it's called wintering maybe, but I've heard people talk about it and it's just about like how god created us to have these seasons of you know, more rest and less outside time, and I agree with that but the rest doesn't have to equal screens right.

Speaker 2 35:10

So create a family, a family screen plan, like understand that your summertime rules and boundaries should probably be a little bit different for the winter. Don't set yourself up for failure there, but adjust for the winter and stick to those, just like you did for the summer.

Speaker 1 35:26

Yeah, and just one word of encouragement is if you've been feeling this or doing anything about this over the past year of years, now just know that you're not alone. There's a lot, a lot, a lot of information coming out about the negative aspects of screens, especially with kids and their development. There's a book called the anxious generation which I know I want to read, but I've listened to a handful of podcasts now from the author on it and just the negative impact on screens and I've, and you see, some cultural shifts, like I've seen a lot of stuff on parents not giving their kids cell phones now until they're 15 or getting them flip phones because of that. And I've seen parents even going old, really old school, and getting landlines in the home and telling them they can call their friends on the landlines.

Speaker 2 36:14

Yeah, and this is really hard because I do think we're the first generation of parents who are navigating this and we have been kind of like a roller coaster in it where we got our kid a cell phone and then scaled back and then now he has an iPhone and it had some privileges but now it's completely locked down and I think it's okay to pivot and take a true assessment of is this working or is it causing more harm than good, and continue to adjust. And with Carter, we got his phone when he was in fifth grade because of practices and stuff. It was a gab phone, had no Internet access, he could only call a few people and text a few people. And with Liberty she's in, or maybe he was yeah, he was in fifth grade, she's in fifth grade and we said, sorry, that was a parenting mistake and you're not getting one.

Speaker 1 36:58

And we've had. We've been very open with both of them, like we've been open with Carter about this that we're learning as we go with this. And sorry, dude, but you're the first kid and we're probably going to make some mistakes and probably have to like take some things back.

Speaker 2 37:18

And same thing to liberty, like hey, sorry, I know we maybe have let carter do some things that we're not gonna let you do now, because we learned, yeah, and also we assess their behavior and if it's not good, that's the first thing to go. Liberty has been without our ipad since june, so it's been two months now, can I?

Speaker 1 37:27

tell you there is a direct correlation to their poor behavior and their access to screens.

Speaker 2 37:36

Yeah, that is without a doubt but we don't need to get into all that here. But what I will say is creating that family screen plan is important and also be okay. If your screen plan isn't going to match your brothers or your friends, that's fine. Do what works for your family and don't judge other people for what works for them and what their comfort level is. But you need to have an honest assessment of your kids and their behavior and how it's impacting them. So one thing that we did this summer because we're like you're not going to be on screens all day and you're not going to watch TV all day is I just help them come up with activities, and it's the same thing for the winter.

Speaker 2 38:19

Make a non-screen activity list Board games, baking. Give them privileges that surprise them, like letting Liberty bake cookies. She's 10, but I would rather her burn herself on a pan, or you know what I mean than to have internet access. Truly, I truly would carter riding his bike around town. I would rather him ride his bike around town and break his collarbone than sit indoors in his room in a dark room and have access to porn and internet. You know know what I?

Speaker 1 38:52

mean yeah 100%.

Speaker 2 38:54

So make a list of things that aren't just like lame but they're non-screen activities, that are normal childhood kid things, you know.

Speaker 1 39:01

Right and maybe even pushing your comfort zone a little bit.

Speaker 2 39:03

Yeah, and then if you do choose screens, just choose to do family activities together. So, like, be intentional about it. Again, family movie night my aunts do a really good job about like they'll do themed family movie nights, which I'm not that great at this stuff, but you know I don't know yeah, we haven't had one themed family movie I know, but we do have family movie nights with snacks yeah, for sure so with snacks just do it together and talk about it I don't know like and do something that you enjoy together and can bond over.

Easing Into School Routines

Speaker 2 39:38

Yeah, the key here is with screens you want to use them as a tool. You want them to serve your family. You don't want them to steal from your family, right? So yeah, that's it for number four. Number five is ease into the school routine. So we're about two weeks into back to school here. Some people might have been back longer, some people might not even be back yet, but um, I will say this year it was. I mean, I still there's so much prep but it was like anticlimactic and it felt good that way, like ease back into it. Things don't have to be perfect. I, we still went school shopping, the kids had fun, but I kind of just took the pressure off and just don't let it hit you like a truck. You know what I mean. Like it's this black and white thing adjust bedtimes gradually, adjust wake-up times gradually, set the expectations for mornings and evenings and be willing to pivot if they don't work. I don't know. Prep yourself, don't set yourself up for failure.

Speaker 1 40:42

It is important and it was important so you know it's now passed but to to start adjusting them back.

Speaker 1 40:50

Like one of the things we had even talked to them about was scaling back the amount of like sleepovers and things that they were doing so that they were home warm One, so that we could spend more time with them. But we wanted them to start to get a little bit more used to that and we started doing that like two weeks out and then adjusting the bedtimes and stuff, but we weren't super strict about it either the bedtimes and stuff but we didn't. We didn't, we weren't super strict about it either, but just some slow adjustments back towards routine, because the last thing you want to do one you don't want to end summer so quickly by being so strict on setting up a routine, you know a few weeks out. But you also don't want to just shock them by just boom, all right, now you got to get up at 5 am and do your homework and all this stuff and no more sleepovers now and all these different things. So right, easing back in was good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 41:44

Yeah, and that's pretty much it. We do have one like little bonus one here that just says invite your kids into the conversation, and this is also something we've been working to do to just include them more and, as the parents they know, we are the decision makers and like we are going to make the decisions that are appropriate for them, even if they don't like it. But it has gone a lot smoother when we include them into our rationale and we ask them their perspectives, and it even has helped us in our decision making.

Speaker 1 42:15

so at least makes them feel a part of it, like that they were at least heard, even if we don't do what they wanted. Like they at least were heard and didn't feel like they. We just told them what they were going to do, and then they have to argue with us afterwards to get their point across yeah, 100.

Speaker 2 42:34

I feel like I've said 100 to you, like so many times have you noticed that?

Speaker 1 42:39

have you noticed 100 gross?

Speaker 2 42:43

but some things that you can do to invite them in on these transitional seasons is ask them open-ended questions. Open-ended questions with kids are important because if you don't ask an open-ended question, you're going to get a good no yes. So asking them things like what are you excited about for this year, what makes you nervous, what are your goals, what are your hopes for the year, and just genuinely having the margin Are you guys catching a theme to be intentional, to ask these things and actually hear what they're saying and care about what they're saying, so that you can develop a relationship with them and then also taking those things and praying with them. We pray with our kids daily, every night. It creates an emotional connection, it brings God into the center and it's just very, very important.

Speaker 1 43:41

And one of the cool things this is honestly one of my favorite things period is and they don't always do this, but there are so many times that, though, carter will be spending the night at a friend's house, or like when I was traveling to Washington, that they call me and ask me to pray with them while they're gone.

Speaker 2 44:02

Yeah, they do. My prayers aren't good enough.

Speaker 1 44:05

I've got like the same one every time, but that's important enough to them. That means something to them, you know, and it's become a habit that they will do that. Yeah, I don't know, it's one of my favorite things. It's just been a nice benefit of praying with them pretty much every night for a while, now that they want that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 44:30

Yeah, so that's what we have. Yeah, so that's what we have. We hope that you guys find it helpful. Um, in this bittersweet season of back to school, we hope it's more sweet than bitter. But yeah, we are not experts by any means, but we've been what carter's in eighth grade. So this is our eight or ninth year of hitting this rhythm and we feel like we're finally finding things that work. Anybody who sees inside of our lives knows that we are by no means perfect.

Speaker 1 45:03

Speak for yourself. Did you not read my degree? My degree is in back to school. I have a doctorate.

Speaker 2 45:13

But hopefully at least one of these nuggets helps. So on that note, we will catch you next week. Classy you.