A Force To Be Reckoned With
A Force To Be Reckoned With
237. When Good Isn't Great: How Purpose Changes Everything with Elizabeth Dixon
Ever feel like you're drowning in good opportunities but missing what's truly great? This candid conversation with Elizabeth Dixon cuts through the confusion to reveal how defining your purpose transforms decision-making from overwhelming to crystal clear.
Elizabeth shares her powerful journey from wrestling with identity tied to career to discovering what truly matters. After months of silence from God and feeling directionless, she learned that surrender precedes breakthrough. This pattern would become a cornerstone of her purpose-driven approach to life's biggest decisions.
The most startling revelation? Only 25% of people can actually articulate their purpose. Without this clarity, we're left making decisions in what Elizabeth calls "a blender of confusion." Her practical framework helps define the difference between purpose (why you exist) and mission (what you do in each season), creating a filter that makes both big pivots and daily choices remarkably simpler.
For women balancing multiple roles, Elizabeth offers game-changing perspective. Rather than comparing yourself to others or believing you must do it all, she advocates knowing your unique calling and priorities. "You be you," as her father wisely advised. This might mean outsourcing tasks that don't bring joy, delegating to family members, or simply downgrading expectations in certain areas to protect what matters most.
Perhaps most liberating is her reframing of what it means to let go. "Letting go of what no longer fits isn't quitting—it's honoring your growth," she explains. When we understand our purpose, saying "not now" becomes an act of wisdom rather than weakness, protecting space for our best yes.
Ready to move from people-pleasing to purpose-driven? This episode will help you articulate what matters most so you can build a life your 80-year-old self will look back on with pride and joy.
@ElizabethDixonSpeaks
Book: Strength of Purpose
What's the thing? That, when you're 80 years old and you're sitting there with this beautiful perspective on life that you're going to look back and go, I'm so proud of myself, I'm so glad that I made that decision. It pulls your head up out of the confusion and the stuff by having a purpose and it lets you see from this perspective that your eight-year-old self and your 80-year-old self both are going to be like yes, girl, that's good stuff.
Speaker 2:We're at war and it's not against our neighbors, spouses, children, politicians or whatever else we feel like we're battling against. So the questions are who's the fight against, and are we winning or losing? We're the Adkins and we are a force to be reckoned with. Are you ready to join the force? All right, welcome back everyone for another week of A Force to be Reckoned With. I am really excited.
Speaker 2:This week, actually, we haven't had a guest in quite some time. It's been Corey and I for a while and this guest I am really thrilled about, elizabeth Dixon. Welcome, elizabeth, thank you. So I was just saying to Elizabeth I don't have her professional bio in front of me, but I feel like I don't. Really. Not that I don't need it, but Elizabeth and I met earlier this year and so I'm just winging my own bio based on all of the wonderful things I've learned about her over the last seven months. So Elizabeth and I met at a conference earlier this year and she was there speaking. She is an author, a speaker, an entrepreneur, she works at a wonderful organization and, honestly, the most impressive thing to me, how she juggles all of that. And I'm so excited to just have a conversation with her, a candid conversation that you guys get to be a part of today.
Speaker 1:Thank, you for the time. I'm so excited.
Speaker 2:So happy to have you. So okay For our podcast, elizabeth. It all started because I, you know, back in the day I was a mom. I had just left nursing, I was home with my kids and I felt a pull to be home. But then, when I got home, I just felt like, ok, I thought this was it, but I feel like maybe there's something more.
Speaker 2:And it was just like this pendulum swinging in me and so I started researching a lot of other women and just leaders who were aspiring to make an impact in the world, and I was just so drawn to people's stories, because, you know, you get this picture online of this super linear and straightforward path and then you get into people's stories and you find out that is rarely, rarely the case. And so I started the podcast just to hear people's stories, and so that's generally where we start with every interview, and that is going to be the same for you. I just want to hear. I shared a little bit about who you are, but I want to hear from you who you are and hear a little bit about your journey today. You're an author and speaker, but how did you get here, and was that always what you had planned?
Speaker 1:No, my dream when I was 10, 11, 12 was to be a wife and a mom. That was my biggest aspiration. I remember babysitting and the parents would ask like what do you wanna be when you grow up? And I was like a wife and a mom and they'd kind of laugh at that, but that was my biggest, deepest dream. So I went to college and I went to a school where a lot of folks tended to get married soon out of college Liberty University in Virginia. And so when I was graduating and I wasn't getting married, I was really disappointed and I thought, oh no, what, you know what, what about my dreams? And my major was exercise science and I had been offered a job at the White House in DC to do health and wellness for the new executive office building and it sounded awesome. But when I went up for the interview and I drove from DC back to Virginia, I just lacked peace. I just felt deep inside that this isn't it. And I remember calling my parents and saying this isn't it, I don't think this is it. And I got back to school and I just started praying Lord, open up another option, like the YMCA in Lynchburg, virginia. I've been volunteering there If they have a job. The answer is yes, just give me another option. And it was silence. It wasn't absence of the Lord's presence in my life, but it was deafening silence. And I remember saying but Lord, just please don't make me move home without a job. And a few weeks later I graduated, my amazing brother drove the U-Haul of all my stuff from the apartment from Virginia down to Florida. I had no job and for three months I wrestled and I wrestled with God because I thought I had an amazing internship. I worked hard in school.
Speaker 1:My ultimate dream was to be a wife and mom, and that's not unfolding right now. So what did I miss? What's wrong? And for three months I would just jump into any role. I helped my sister-in-law with event planning. I started a fitness program for the church that I grew up attending. I would just jump into anything I could. I called the women's ministry director at our church. It was a big church. First Baptist Orlando. I said can I intern with you? She said, honey, we don't have internships. I was like Ms Adamson, I will show up at 8am and you don't have to pay me. She's like we'll see you tomorrow morning, honey.
Speaker 1:And so I was like anything I could do to add value. I wanted to do, and for three months I just wrestled with what, what am I? What's next? What am I doing with my life? And one day in March of that year, I distinctly remember coming downstairs to the kitchen and I told my mom because I was living with my parents, which always feels cool and I came downstairs and I said mom, I'm done fighting. And she said what do you mean? And I said if the Lord wants me to be an aerobics instructor for the rest of my life, I want to do it with my whole heart and I don't want to wrestle and fight as though I deserve some certain kind of job or I've earned that or that is defining me in some way. And so I'm just, I'm done fighting.
Speaker 1:And literally, bethany, the next day which it just doesn't always work out this way, but the next day I got a call from a group that said hey, we've got this client and we think you'd be a great fit to go start a wellness program for them. And I said who is it? And they said Chick Fil A. Have you heard of them? And I was like have I heard of them? I love them. And so a few weeks later I was moving up to Atlanta, georgia, taking on a role that I was probably 10 years too young for, and it started this incredible journey that later led to a Chick-fil-A-tionship, as we called it, of meeting my husband and we got married, had two kids, and now neither of us are at Chick-fil-A anymore Still close with the brand and the family and all that. But the Lord has just led our journeys in different ways, but it came down to that really pivotal moment of not having peace for what was really good in order to walk into a pretty scary empty waiting space waiting for what would be great.
Speaker 2:And I feel like that is often an underlying theme that we wrestle with God about, of clinging so tightly to the things that we feel are sure. And it's like once we it's almost like we get into this wrestling match with him and we wear ourselves down, we get tired, and then, fine, or he wears this down and then we're like all right, I give up, I'm raising the flag, I surrender, and we've we've talked about that a lot recently with both of us. Yeah, so you and I met in a conference, like I said, back in January, and I was struggling with direction and I think that, back the California Bethany home with the kids, I thought, just like you were saying in your story, okay, once I have it figured out, this is the path, like once I have it figured out, once it's a clear shot from here. And that has not been the case. It's been a stretches, you know, little sprints, of figuring it out and then having to pivot again.
Speaker 2:And I was in this season, you know, back in January, and I had been for quite some time, and at the conference I had heard you speak and once I did, I really was just like OK, this is who I have been praying for, which sounds crazy, but in this world of business and work it's really hard to find people who are women. Specifically, it has been, for me at least, to find women who are women of God, who have families and they continue to steward them well, and they also have stuff outside of the home too and they can do it all well. So I had asked you to consider mentoring me because I just felt like, okay, she kind of checks all of these boxes and our conversations have been so life-giving. So, like I said, I've been running this business, working full-time for a nonprofit, managing the podcast and doing a number of other things, but ultimately, for me, also being a wife and mom has always been my greatest calling, and that has felt isolating at times and I started believing can you do both?
Speaker 2:I see women who are moms and they're home and they do it so well. And I see women who run businesses but maybe they don't have families or maybe their husband is home and it works out really well for them. But to find someone who checks all those boxes has been hard, and so I'm wondering if you can just speak to women out there who don't fit this mold. You know they want to keep their family first, but maybe they feel like they're called into more too and they worry. I don't know if I can do all of those things. Can you breathe some life into her?
Speaker 1:Yes. Well, two things immediately come to my mind, and then there's some things that have helped me a lot. The first is I was just talking with a friend two weeks ago and she said that one of her good friends was really struggling with working, and she said she was surrounded. A lot of her friend group have chosen a different path. They homeschool, they stay at home full-time for their work and she goes to a business to work and is a mom, and the tensions that she felt, the way she was applying it to her life, was that her choice was wrong, and I think there's a huge piece in. We get to choose the path that's going to be best for our family and for us in this season.
Speaker 1:But she was in this tension of comparing, and so my friend was like you got to read this book, and so she gave her the purpose book and she read it and it actually flipped everything in her mind and she said, no, like I am exactly where I need to be using my gifts the way that I need to use them, and so I think that there is a piece of comparison that can be so suffocating for us when we take our life and then we compare it to the 10 closest people around us and we go am I okay? Am I measuring up? But the reality is is we were created to be us, you be you. My dad used to tell me that all the time when I'd get nervous about something. He's like honey, you be you and you'll be fine. And I think we have to become comfortable with that, saying okay, well, who is Elizabeth? Who is Bethany? What are my aspirations? What are my dreams? What is it that I am stewarding? Am I stewarding children or not? Am I married or am I not? What is it that is on my plate that I'm stewarding? And I didn't come up with this, but I think it's so powerful that comparison is the thief of joy, and the moment when we start thinking more about how I compare to you, our joy is removed. But if we are true to who we are and what kind of person we want to be, then there's a calm in that. So I think the first thing is like who are you and that's beautiful, and find the beauty in that and also being able to celebrate the beauty in others. I think when we're confident in who we are, we get to be life givers to the women around us and celebrate their gifts, and celebrate their choices and the seasons that they're in, and we can even lean on each other in a way. Instead of kind of competing with each other, we can actually support and encourage each other.
Speaker 1:The other thing I was thinking about is prioritization. When we start comparing and we get this delusion that we can do it all, that puts us in a tailspin, or at least it puts me in a tailspin. But I have to go. Okay, what are the two, what are the three biggest priorities in my life that need to have the time, the energy not just time, but it's also having my best energy and my presence. And you've probably heard this analogy where you take a jar of and I think we talked about this with your uncles on the podcast. Actually you take a jar and if you had a pile of small rocks and you had a pile of really big rocks, if you poured all the small rock, the stuff, the busyness, in first, you couldn't fit the big rocks. But if you do the opposite and you go, these are the two, three, maybe four biggest priorities in my life. They should get my best energy, more of my time. You put them in first, then all the stuff will fall into place. And so I think you be. You prioritize what truly is most important.
Speaker 1:And then this is a piece of advice that was given to me basically, if it doesn't pay you in peace, joy or money, outsource it, like, if you can afford it and it doesn't bring you some element of emotional compensation, then outsource it. And making baby food for my kids, like getting a blender and making baby food brought me so much joy Right now, for whatever reason, making sourdough bread brings me joy. Folding laundry doesn't bring me joy. Cleaning the house doesn't bring me joy. Cleaning windows doesn't bring me joy.
Speaker 1:I can give you a whole list of things that in seasons of life, we go okay, we're going to outsource that, we're going to invest into somebody else's business and their life and we're going to choose not to do that. We're going to invest into somebody else's business and their life and we're going to choose not to do that. I think there's also. You might outsource it, but you also might just delegate it to your kids. Let them take over those responsibilities dishes, trash, lawn, whatever that is. Give them and grow them with responsibility, if it's not something that you can pay somebody to do, and then the other is just downgrade it and go. You know what we're actually going to eat off paper plates for a season, and that's fabulous. We are overwhelmed with dishes and we're going to choose to do this Downgrade.
Speaker 1:Some things Say it's okay If I have a cluttered house. That means we're having fun and it's lived in, and I'm not going to wear that pressure right now. If I have spider webs over every outdoor light, that's okay. I'm just preparing for Halloween and that's fine. But shift some things and go. I'm going to be who God created me to be. I'm going to know my priorities and then I'm going to either, you know, delegate, outsource or downgrade some expectations and tasks in order to be able to be truly present, because I don't think you can do everything and be emotionally healthy and present. There's just too much stuff in life that's hollering at us and we have to choose what the most important things are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so good, and I think what you said in that last statement, that's just a lie that we all believe. And so to hear somebody say that, who has walked this road, it's breathed so much life into it. And I will say that was one of the first pieces of advice that you gave me on our call of just delegating, whether it's the kids or hiring someone, and I have taken it and it has been so impactful to me just to not believe that lie of well, I'm called to be a mom and wife, so that means I have to enjoy the cooking and I have to enjoy doing the laundry and I and it's like no, because if I could find somebody to do that, I'm more joyful and then I'm more present with my family and that's what matters. So love that.
Speaker 1:And one other thing. Well, two really quick things. One of my friends I popped in to see her probably two months ago and so it was a surprise. And she's like oh my gosh, my house is a wreck. My house is a wreck. And I was like girl, I got home and I took a video of my kitchen and I was like I'm worse, like sometimes we just need to create freedom with each other to go no, it isn't always picked up. If it is always picked up, like you're not, yeah, like what are you doing, right? Yeah, so it's okay and there's freedom, and it doesn't always have to be this picture perfect thing.
Speaker 1:And the other thing, especially well, I think it's for all women, but I think especially for women who are considering or who are also working outside of the things that I did, I have actually was driving home from work one day, bawling, crying. I called one of my mentors and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm really I'm making a bad decision, I shouldn't be working. And I went on and on for a few minutes and then I finally took a breath and she said oh honey, your system just broke. And I was like what you know, I was just going to throw everything out and be like I'm a bad mom because I'm choosing to work outside the home. She's like, oh, your system just broke. And what I learned was that every little micro season of the stage of life we're in, the system shift and change, and my kids were babies and so their sleep schedules were having a huge impact on the systems and processes of our home. What time we would wake up, how quickly we could get out the door. So, anyway, I was like, oh, my system broke.
Speaker 1:And then it started with a different mentor, through the same struggle of like am I making the best choices for my family and myself. She said, honey, you have the same. You have one amount of time, you have 24 hours, and you're going to break down how you spend that time.
Speaker 1:And what I realized was that by working, I could have four focused quality time hours per day with my kids.
Speaker 1:And I started asking some of my friends who are staying at home and they were pretty weary and tired and they're like no, I'm kind of so over it, I'm letting them watch television or just go play with friends or whatever.
Speaker 1:Like, no, I don't sit down and play with my kids for three or four hours a day and I was like, oh interesting, so for me I could do what brings me life and energy and joy of using my skills at work, and then I could afford to offset these tasks around the house so that I could just spend time with my kids. I don't want a babysitter, I want a housekeeper, because then I get to have all the time with my kids and I offload the tasks that I otherwise would have to be doing. So sometimes we can look at a pie chart creatively and go okay, if I have 12 waking hours, how do I want to divide that out? And then come back to freedom for who we are, who we were created to be, and what's going to be best in this season. It doesn't have to be forever.
Speaker 2:So essentially what you're saying and work, work from home mom, work out of the home mom, stay at home mom we love them all here. We're all called to different things, but what you're saying in that epiphany was you were believing this lie that, oh, if I was a stay at home mom, I would have 12 focused hours with my kids. But really, these moms, too, really probably have the same amount of time as you who work out of the home. When you're disciplined with your time and you're not, even when you're intentional with that time, yes, yeah, that's a great mindset shift. Okay, so you've been talking about I want to shift and talk about your book, the strength of purpose, which I'm really excited about, because in your last answer, you kept what was the statement you just said and I was like this is perfect, because this is what I've said my whole life. I think you were saying like, what is best for me and my, for my family, ultimately and this is a question I've asked myself thousands of times throughout my life and I think many people do, and it's really hard when you don't know how to answer that question and that all comes down to purpose when you know what's best for your family when you can define your purpose, and your book does that really, really well.
Speaker 2:So, interestingly enough, when you were at this conference, you were talking about another book that you had written and then, on our calls, we started talking about the strength of purpose and, I'll be honest, when I first heard about it I thought it would probably just reinforce a lot of what I had already studied about purpose, because it's something I had been on a mission to define my whole adult life. What does purpose mean and all of those things, and how does it it drive you and how does it impact your life to know that. But truly, it surprised me in the best way. It's practical, it's super actionable and it helped me turn something abstract which I know a lot about purpose, but it still has been this abstract thing and it made it into something I could actually use. So first, I feel like every book kind of comes from a season. So if you could just talk about what propelled you to write it and what need sparked it.
Speaker 1:I wrote it because, after a season where I realized that my purpose was being defined by my job description and I had a season at work that just challenged my purpose, didn't go into my career thinking, you know, I want my identity and my purpose to be defined by the title I have, the compensation, I have, the job description I have, but slowly, over time, about 10 or so years. That's what was happening. And then I had a season that came in, as careers are always changing, and it questioned everything for me. It shook my core and I thought why is this shaking me so deep? This shouldn't be that big of a deal. And I realized, because I was defining my purpose by my job in this questioning time, it was actually challenging deep into my core, and so I would wake up each morning and be like, okay, if my purpose isn't this job, then what is my purpose? What is my purpose that's bigger than that, that can give me perspective to bring into this hard, challenging season.
Speaker 1:And as I was doing that I realized the statistic is that only 25% of people that's, as of 2019, the Barna Group research only 25% of people can articulate their purpose. It doesn't mean they don't know in essence, but they can't put words to it. And I think if you can't put words to it, you can't make decisions through the filter of it. Put words to it, you can't make decisions through the filter of it, and it just feels like a blender of confusion, of like I don't know should I go this way or that way, I don't know, and you just struggle through some of the biggest decisions. So I started it because I had to come to know what my purpose was, that could transcend the seasons of time, of being at home with my kids, or being at work, or having my kids launch and go to college, or being retired, whatever that is. There must be a purpose that can extend across all of that.
Speaker 1:And then when I found out that I wasn't alone, but I was actually in the group of 75% of people that couldn't articulate it I thought there has to be room for another tool to help people very practically and actionably feel the empowerment to put words to their purpose and even if they tweak it and change it over time, at least there is a language, a few sentences to be able to help weather the storms of life like I was going through, and also just to be able to help weather the storms of life like I was going through, and also just to be able to confidently make decisions and have less stress and anxiety day to day of like, oh no, are we doing the right thing? Am I making a mistake? Fear, fear, fear. So that was the heart behind it.
Speaker 2:That is exactly what the book has done for me. It has become. It's helped me to define it and then that statement has become a filter to easy yes and no. It's like no. This, actually, I'm very clear on my purpose right now. And it's not right now, like you said, it's for every season and it just really helps drive and direct you. One thing that you said in your book was if so? Originally, our podcast was called the millennial mission. It was about the millennial generation, the stigmas around millennials and how we're very mission driven and what our mission should be as young people who are raising families. Since that, the essence is still the same uh, very mission focused, um, but different name, different branding now. But something you said that really stuck out to me was is if mission is what you do, purpose is why you do it, and that really perplexed me at first. I was like, hmm, I thought those were kind of synonymous and they're not. So I'm just wondering if you can unpack that.
Speaker 1:Yes. So in business you hear a lot of terms like purpose, mission, vision, strategy, and those can all apply in personal life too. I'm kind of nerdy when I like to apply those in personal life, but in business the purpose is why that business exists. The mission then is what they're going to go do to live out that purpose. Vision is the preferred future of where they want to be, and then strategy is how to win, like how you get there. So purpose is the most enduring A purpose could be true for 100 years for a company.
Speaker 1:The mission is going to shift and change. You talked about the pivots, and if you're healthy and you're nimble, you got to pivot. New information got to pivot. This isn't working anymore. Make a change, and that's a beautiful thing, it's not a bad thing. And in our lives the same thing is true. If our mission is what we're going to do in that season. We have a mission that can last, for you know, 18 years in parenting to a certain capacity, maybe you'd even say like 16 years, and then it becomes a little bit different for three years, and then it becomes a lot different as kids grow up, etc. The mission is what we do, that changes, that shifts through stages and seasons, but our purpose is why we do it and the power in that is it can transcend all of those stages and all of those seasons. It can become an anchor, a root system, like a healthy tree for us, that when crisis comes, when hard times come, we're anchored because we understand why we exist. So go back to that hard time at work.
Speaker 1:For me and my purpose that I landed on was to reflect Jesus by galvanizing people and ideas for good. Galvanizing to like help bring them to action. I'm very entrepreneurial, but I love to do it with people for a good purpose. Well, in that really hard season of life where I was struggling to feel healthy or alive at work, I was able to shift my mindset and go wait, wait, wait. Just because this isn't the most appreciated season of work or I feel defeated and deflated and I feel stuck, I can still bring my purpose to work. I might not be doing the type of work I want to be doing, but I can still.
Speaker 1:My mission of that work might not be great, but my purpose behind it can be great and it shifted for me. I can help reflect Jesus in the hard times. It's possibly that it's more powerful for me to do that in the hard times than it is in the easy times, and it completely shifted my mindset. So mission is incredibly important. What are you going to go do? What is the task that you're after? But understanding why you're doing it is so important because then it allows you to have an energy, an enthusiasm, a dedication that's so different than if you're just focused on what you're going to do. The pivots don't look easy, they feel overwhelming, and the hard days when you're like what am I doing with my life? It's probably attached to having a clear understanding of why you exist and then identifying what you're going to go do.
Speaker 2:That makes it so clear and it also just validates that sometimes your mission like sometimes there are things that you're going to do in your purpose and in life that are not fun, they're not pretty and you don't want to do them, but that can help you to discern Is this something that I don't want to do but I'm still called to do it in my purpose, or is this something that God is actually calling me out of? And if that purpose is Verse, mission really helps you to define that and I think it's so powerful. Yeah, so, speaking of that, I recently the timing of our meeting was just so like such a godsend. I had, like I said, I had been going through all of this, like internal battling and transitions, feeling like just this unrest that God was calling me, just shifts in life, and so I was. I was recently went through a big life transition and I was feeling this. It's so hard to articulate.
Speaker 2:It's like this invisible heavy weight that something was out of alignment and I just couldn't figure out. I just knew something needed to give and I just didn't know what, and I was just wrestled for months and months and months. I was losing sleep. Like you, I was crying to my husband at the kitchen table. I was just feeling stuck, and our conversations helped me gain so much clarity. And I'm sure by now in the conversation, you guys can see why it was because I didn't already know deep down how to define my purpose and that, like I said, it gave me a clear filter.
Speaker 2:And in your book you say without the work to discover why we're here on this earth, we may end up in a pivotal moment questioning it all, wishing we'd put more energy and effort into living the life we were called to live, wondering why we never discovered our purpose. And that is just such a powerful statement and it just defines so well what I was walking through in that moment and what I feel like many people are walking through. And so I'm just wondering how has having a purpose statement for you specifically helped you make decisions or say no to good opportunities that maybe didn't align with your purpose?
Speaker 1:Yes, so many stories that I can think of. I think sometimes there's this tendency that we like to get busy and fill our schedules with stuff because it gives us this feeling of value and importance, when the reality is that saying yes to more doesn't necessarily, it doesn't change our value at all. Like our value, set period done and then we get to live out this big, beautiful life with intention and purpose, but our value doesn't change or shift. And I think fighting that busyness and I think fighting that busyness and I think about seasons where, like the future me, couldn't afford a crowded schedule of almost right opportunities. Sometimes when we get so busy, it feels so cluttering, and when we can trade good for great, it doesn't feel easy but it's always worth it.
Speaker 1:So one story would be I started a business called US City Challenge and it was a health and wellness related business in multiple cities of companies that would compete around health and wellness. It was so much fun, I loved it, but my husband and I had our first child and suddenly, the time that I had to put towards this business, I was like I can't, I can't do that. And I remember the day sitting in a chair just crying, saying I can't do all of this and it is just a absolutely worth it, clear decision that I'm going to put my time towards my son. And as an entrepreneur, you want to sell your business. You don't want to close your business and it was so hard because I tried twice to sell it and both companies that were interested in buying it said it depends a lot on you and your relationships. And that was so deeply offensive to me because I want the ideas to live without me and not be dependent upon me. And I remember the hard conversation with my husband where I was like you know, this is eight or nine years worth of work that I hoped would generate into something that would last beyond me. But here we are and it's just a no-brainer. And so I mean it just done over, closed. When it didn't work to sell it, we just closed it.
Speaker 1:But it was trading something that was good for my dream, my son and I've never looked back and wished that it was different. But I think sometimes in those moments we're like but this is good and this is good and this is good, but we have to know, but what's the great, what's the highest priority, what's the big rock, what's the thing that when you're 80 years old and you're sitting there with this beautiful perspective on life that you're gonna look back and go, I'm so proud of myself, I'm so glad that I made that decision. It like pulls your head up out of the confusion and the stuff by having a purpose and it lets you see from this perspective that your eight-year-old self and your 80-year-old self both are going to be like yes, girl, that's good stuff. So that was one of the many tough decisions where you're like I have my purpose and I also have a capacity and I cannot be delusional to think that I can just take on more and still be effective at all of it.
Speaker 1:Something has to give, Something has to come off. And those seasons aren't easy because there's a bit of a death, a mourning, a loss, a stepping away from. But it's not forever. It's a season and the seasons are going to change and maybe you're going to pick that back up or maybe it's going to look different in a month or a year, and that's okay. But for right now, for the information that we have, this is what's going to be the healthiest, best decision for my capacity and our family's capacity, all in light of our purpose.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, that is so good. And that story right there was so pivotal to me and initially when I you had told me that story on a phone call and I heard it, I was like, yeah, I hear that and I'm actually going to resist to even think into that anymore, but it truly has been so impactful. And that's just one other thing that I just want to pour into our audience is that walking through these hard paths and decisions, when we are seeking God first and when we are asking for clarity from him and we're defining our purpose based on those things, sometimes those decisions can feel, like you said, it feels like a death, and I it's. It's hard, but I bet you never thought in that that decision, that like that decision, would impact somebody else. You know, I don't know how many years ago that was 10, 15 years down the road and I think that's so encouraging when we're walking through these valleys of pivots and sacrifice and pruning that they're not, even if nothing comes from them. Obedience and peace is what matters most, but there's often so much more fruit that comes from those steps of obedience that not only impacts us and our families but other people as well.
Speaker 2:So I just really appreciate you sharing your stories because they're so impactful, thanks. So okay, we're getting close to the end here. I just want to talk about the most impactful chapter for me in the book. It was on realignment, and you talk about how sometimes quitting isn't failure, which again paradigm shift for me, because I'm not a quitter, but you said it's a very brave decision. You talked about the story of Lori, which really resonated with me and I'll just briefly go over it. She let go of something good because it was no longer aligned with her purpose, and I think that sometimes we hold on to things much longer than we should because we're afraid of failure or looking like a failure, when in fact letting it go would be the brave decision, and holding on too tightly is keeping us stuck, and that was the exact scenario for what I was walking through.
Speaker 2:But when I established my purpose, the decisions became super easy super clear, super easy, because it helped me to see how some of those good things actually got me on off track and that's why I wasn't feeling aligned. So I'm just wondering if you can speak into the woman listening who feels like she might need to let go of something, but is afraid of looking like a failure. And by the way, this is me like not very long ago.
Speaker 1:I think it's all of us. I think there's that tendency for all of us where there's the personal loss of stepping away from something and then there's the perception loss of what are other people going to think of me. So the things that I spend a lot of time talking to myself about are the fact that letting go of what no longer fits it isn't quitting, it's honoring my growth, it's looking into the future, of what capacity needs to be open in order to be able to grow. I do also think that stepping away and letting go from something how we do it, is very important when other people are impacted, shepherding people through that process. We can only control so much, but finishing well in a season is really important, even though sometimes we're not attuned enough to our capacity limits and we're just like oh my gosh, like just let it quit, let it drop. The more we can get in front of that and go. I'm feeling like this season is coming, it's shifting, it's changing, and then how can we have enough bandwidth and capacity to shepherd others and ourselves to the end of a season? It's not failure Again, it's just honoring growth and preparing for what's next. We talked about the big rocks first.
Speaker 1:I think we have to know our priorities, but then, when it comes to other people's perception of us, we get to choose. Are we going to be people pleasers or purpose driven? And when we're spending all of our time thinking about what do they think of me, opposed to thinking about what is my purpose, our mindset, our thoughts and therefore our behaviors are totally different, because our mindset determines our behaviors, our behaviors determine our results. But if we're spending all of our thinking time about what's she going to think of me and what's that group going to think of me, and what's that group going to think of me and what are they going to say about me, if we're spending our time thinking about that, we're going to have behaviors that are coming from a place of insecurity, of people pleasing, and we're never going to win at that. You are never going to please everybody's perceptions and you will just shrivel trying to. We can either chase approval or build a life that we're proud of. You rarely can do both of those things for both of those purposes. So it's like so be purpose-driven, know what your purpose is and confidently move towards that, and you're probably going to attract people that are purpose-driven people, and those are going to be the people around you who are actually going to spur you on, not just commentate negatively about what your choices are and what you're doing.
Speaker 1:Two more quick things, I think. One is using really purposeful language like not now language. Not now isn't weakness, it's wisdom. So every no, it's not forever, it's just a pause. So thank you so much for inviting me to this thing Not at this time. I just had a group ask me to be on their board.
Speaker 1:It's an incredible nonprofit. What an honor. I love it. Yeah, not right now, I don't have capacity for that right now. That's not weakness, that's purposeful.
Speaker 1:And then just decline with dignity. In that way, thank people, thank you for thinking of me, think of me in the future. Maybe I could do that in a different season, but recognize in our own minds not now isn't forever, it's a season and do it with dignity. That honors other people and maybe they will think of you in the future. And then I think, reframing this fear of letting go, flip the fear narrative into something that is bold and courageous and strong. It's letting go, it's not failing. I'm focusing.
Speaker 1:There's an incredible story of Nehemiah in scripture where he says I am building this wall I cannot come down, and I've heard that related numerous times to being a mom in a season with young kids where, yeah, I can't wait to join a Pilates studio someday, but I'm saving that for when I'm like 55, 60 and my kids have their own lives.
Speaker 1:I'm building a wall right now with them. I can't come down, but it's different for everybody and we just have to know what's my purpose, what is my mission in this season, what are my big rock priorities and how do I make sure everything aligns around that. And I think the last thing I'd say when you're really struggling with saying no, recognizing a no today can protect a yes that you're going to be really proud of tomorrow, and no can be a complete sentence. We don't have to excuse why we're saying no. We can just say oh, I love that you offered that to me. I can't do that at this time, and then confidently move on, knowing that every no that you give represents a better yes that you're either giving today or you're going to give in the future.
Speaker 2:That purpose is such an anchor and I know I've said it like 10 times, but that, right there, that says it all and that is so helpful. It does seem that. Well, it doesn't seem. It's just become so clear to me that I have previously been like an over-committer, and it's when you're doing that it is because you are lacking that purpose. And when you have that purpose and you are running the decisions through that, it is that the no's are so freeing, and so I love that. You said that it's just for a season, because, as a mom, especially those no's when you don't have the purpose can feel so, make you feel so isolated. But when you're anchored in your purpose, it's actually very empowering to say that's a no for me right now and say it just like you said, with with grace and with thankfulness. But it's a no because, and it's because you know your purpose, and so I just think that is so empowering and I love it so much. And this applies to dads too, to everyone.
Speaker 2:Okay, so one thing I my well that I loved about the book is I was like she better not write this whole book about purpose and not tell us her purpose. So I was so glad. Do you have you ever read a book that's like that? And you're like, really, they're going to talk about this ominous thing the whole time and never share it. I'm like forget it. No, but you shared it and so I was so thankful and so I'm just gonna.
Speaker 2:I did create a purpose statement from your book. Again, we're talking like this is the bird's eye view of the book. There's so much practical stuff. I would encourage everybody listening to grab her book. It will give you so much clarity. Even if you feel like you know your purpose very well. This will help you to nail it down so much more. It's just so freeing. But I'm just going to read mine off right here and explain kind of how I figured that out Not how, but why and I just wrote that my purpose I don't have it memorized yet. My purpose is to live and lead by example, building a strong, faith-filled family and equipping others to do the same so we can raise up future generations of leaders who are healthier, stronger and anchored in Christ, of leaders who are healthier, stronger and anchored in Christ.
Speaker 2:Having that statement, the transition in our lives, the no's, the things I just had to give up had I not had this purpose one, I probably wouldn't have been able to. And two, if I would have, which I would have probably anyway, because God's going to his will is going to take place anyway but it probably would have been more of a prying Like. For example, I I just laid um the business down for this season because of this purpose statement and had I not laid it down willingly, it probably would have failed eventually and it would have felt way worse, um, but anyway, that means. So this purpose statement for me one being an intentional mom and wife falls into that statement to live and lead by example, to build a strong, faith filled family to the podcast fits because we get to continue to pour into families. Um, we're not. We're not just building the family ourself, but we're equipping others to do the same. And then three, my work at the nonprofit that we're at we're not just building the family ourself, but we're equipping others to do the same. And then three, my work at the non-profit that we're at right now. It fits because we're serving vulnerable children and families.
Speaker 2:So this is why the purpose statement just makes so much sense. It's like does this fit right now? No, it doesn't. Does this? Yes, this does, and so I just really want to encourage you guys to read this book and do the same, and it will be so helpful.
Speaker 2:But just a little like. The business was good and it was profitable, but it was pulling me away from all of those things that actually aligned with my purpose my kids, my family we just adopted a baby. It was consuming my time, it was stressing me out and it was making me someone I didn't want to be. And when the number one thing is my family, I was the worst for my family. I want to shift my question a little bit here and just talk about that here. Like we said, family is your number one thing wife and mom and you have navigated so much, and so I just you can answer this kind of how you want. I just want to talk how do you involve your kids in this, in these shifts, in these pivots? You had a really cool conversation with your daughter last night. I don't know if you want to share that. Maybe just wrap up with, like, where you are now and how you pull your kids into this, because I think this is how they learn.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. So John, my husband and I, we decided when they were little so they're 10 and 11 right now, but they were really little we decided to talk to them like adults and, to the extent they wanted to engage, we were going to let them in on big decisions that we had to make. And we learned really quickly that to have that be fun it needed to include ice cream. So we have family meetings and sometimes these family meetings are like hey, how we're treating each other and who we want to be doesn't line up what needs to change. And they're very, you know, nerdy business strategy kind of meetings and I'm like, if this is where we are and this is where we're trying to go, well, we'll get us there. They're probably really cheesy but it works for our family and everyone gets to eat ice cream and it's good. So we've had seasons.
Speaker 1:My husband left Chick-fil-A to pursue his dream of commercial real estate. That was a big shift because then suddenly work providing a consistent income was on me for a season because we knew we were taking a big risk and there would probably be very little compensation for a season. And then I left Chick-fil-A to go work with Trillith, which is kind of related within the Cathy family, but a very different entity, and so that was going to mean a new shift. All of those we bring the kids in and we're very clear to say you don't have the decision-making rights for this, but you have input in this and we want to know your input. And then we talk about the trade-offs.
Speaker 1:I think, a lot of big decisions in life. For us, it needs to include wisdom and courage, and if it's just all logic, when I say wisdom, I mean what is all of the information? What is the worst case scenario and the best case scenario? We need to be able to have all that, but we also have to do it afraid, because rarely are the people that I admire most did. They just have an easy path and you mentioned this earlier where it's like there are seasons that we don't get to see that people have to go through that are so hard and the risks that they take, and so we still have to do stuff afraid, but we have to be able to weigh out what's the worst case and what's the best case.
Speaker 1:And so, yeah, my daughter and I were talking yesterday and we're in the middle of a big shift and a big risk of stepping away from what's good and a season that I've brought my gifts into and we're coming to completion. It's a beautiful thing. I knew it would happen about three years in, or I thought it would happen. And here we are about three years in, or I thought it would happen, and here we are. And so we're going to step away from that into a risk and growing something. And you know my mind's like can I do it? Do I have what it takes? And my husband is such a gift to say, yes, like you've got this, chase, this. But my daughter and I were talking about it just last night and I told her you know, this is what we're stepping away from. There's some unknown, but God keeps bringing these little pieces together. And she said the sweetest thing to me last night at 10 years old. She said, mom, I don't know what I want to do, but I know I want to be like you in the sense that you take risks and you care about people, and that's who I want to be. And I told her. I said, ansley, you're doing that right now. You're taking risks.
Speaker 1:We had just gone on a trip and we all jumped out into the ocean in the middle of the ocean off a boat and you know it's 100 feet deep, blue blue water. And she was in that moment of like, do I do it, do I not do it? And she did it. And I was like Ansley, you are taking bold, courageous steps, you're making risks Every moment. She tried out for cheerleading. They did a cheer competition or a cheer camp and it was so funny because they're like and now, after we showed these routines, we're going to have a tumble off. And I was like, oh, that's fun. You know there's all these girls that have taken, you know, five years of tumbling. And Ansley's like I'll join, oh my gosh. And she went for it.
Speaker 1:And afterwards I said I'm so proud of you for going for it. And she said something so powerful. She said I knew the chances of me winning were very small, but I still wanted to go for it. And I'm like you know what that's life? We're not going to know that we're going to win, we're not going to have all the information, we're not going to ever feel just fully ready, but if we're willing to have the courage to step into it, to start small, make small risks, we're going to be so proud of that later.
Speaker 1:I don't think when we're old we're going to look back and be like I'm really proud that I played it safe. I think when we're old we're going to look back and be like I am so glad I took that risk. I'm so glad I tried, I learned. Glad I took that risk, I'm so glad I tried, I learned, I found out what was on the other side. But it might've worked out or it might not have. But I think those are the stories that I hope to be telling in a retirement center someday with all my old friends of I went for stuff, I tried stuff and it didn't always work out the way I would think, but I went for it.
Speaker 2:That's so good and that's what it's all about. That's so good and that's that's what it's all about. That's what life's all about and that's what makes us who we are is taking the risks and being refined in the process. It's not always about the success. It's about who we become along the way, and I just think that's incredible and what a beautiful picture to and a privilege to get to walk that out loud in front of our kids and see who they get to become because of it. So real quick, before we go, where can people find you and where can people get your books?
Speaker 1:Yes, website is ElizabethDixonSpeakscom, and then on Instagram, if you like more of the relational kind of side of things, or LinkedIn for a little bit more business. Both are Elizabeth Dixon Speaks, and then the books are on Amazon. So the Strength of Purpose is the one that we've talked a lot about, and there's also a handbook. I use this every morning and it helps me identify.
Speaker 1:I write my purpose, I write how I'm feeling and thinking, because those things drive our behavior so much and then my top priorities or tasks. I like to have three for the week. If I accomplish nothing else but these three, these are my top priorities for the week, and then my habits to be able to achieve my goals, and then celebrations and successes, and then there's just open space to be able to process. So that's the Strength of Purpose handbook that accompanies the book, the Strength of Purpose and all the exercises in the book. There's space for you to draw and write, and so that's a fun one. And then also the Power of Customer Experience is the other book, and then also the Power of Customer Experience is the other book and that helps frontline employees of businesses know how to create an exceptional customer experience that they can be proud of and that ultimately helps grow their brands. So all those are on Amazon.
Speaker 2:Elizabeth, I am just so deeply thankful for you and your time that you have poured into me over this year. It's been such a gift and I'm just so excited to get this conversation out to our audience. What you are doing in this world is truly life-changing and making such an impact, so I'm just so grateful for you and your time today.
Speaker 1:Thanks, stephanie, you're awesome you.