245. THIS IS NOT MARRIAGE ADVICE: 14 Years, 14 Lessons on Marriage

Marriage teaches you a lot—sometimes the hard way, sometimes in ways that make you laugh later. This week Corey and I celebrated 14 years of marriage, so we decided to hit record and share the first 14 lessons that came to mind.

They’re honest, a little off-the-cuff, and definitely real life. Some might make you nod your head in agreement… others might make you think we’re completely nuts. 😅

Either way, if you’re married, hoping to be married, or just curious about what 14 years of figuring it out together looks like, this episode is for you.

🎧 Tune in and see which of these lessons you relate to most.

Transcript

Cold Open: Fights And Phone Hangups

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Why did you go and get back here?

SPEAKER_06 0:03

I'm like, don't worry about it. I'm going to my boyfriend's house.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

You're like, I'm done. I'm out of here. You were just trying to try to get me to get off the phone.

SPEAKER_04 0:11

Yeah. Turn my phone off.

Welcome To The Atkins: The Real Battle

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Yeah, eventually. It was phases. At first, you would say, like, I'm done. We're not gonna be gonna be married anymore. And then I'd be like, all right, I'm just gonna let that one go. We are at war. And it's not against our neighbors, spouses, children, politicians, or whatever else we feel like we're battling against.

SPEAKER_06 0:34

So the questions are, who's the fight against? And are we winning or losing? We're the Atkins, and we are a force to be reckoned with.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Are you ready to join the force?

SPEAKER_06 0:55

Almost didn't wanna almost didn't want to start talking.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

I forgot where we recorded.

SPEAKER_06 1:01

Alright, this is gonna be a short one, guys.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_06 1:06

I'm just kidding. I said that because if you didn't ever allow me to place bets two weeks ago.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

I'm talking like money bets. Corey said that anything that you predict.

Fourteen Years And A Book Tease

SPEAKER_06 1:17

So this is just a random thought, but I didn't plan these episodes out very well. Um we're talking about we just celebrated 14 years of marriage yesterday. Yeah. Crazy, right? A long time. Went by quick. We're gonna talk about that in a second. Well, we're supposed to, I don't know for sure. Sometimes these fall through, and I don't want to jinx myself, um, interview Lindsay Myastis, who's been on our podcast before, and she has a new book that just came out or is coming out called Don't Burn Your House Down. And you know, she's like all about marriage. If we're talking about marriage on here, and then next week she's like the marriage expert.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Oh, we're gonna sound like morons.

unknown 2:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

That's fine, everybody knows. Okay, they're not listening to get advice.

SPEAKER_06 2:09

They're listening to feel better about themselves.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Yeah, or to laugh.

SPEAKER_06 2:13

Okay. Well, that makes me feel better. So we've been married for 14 years. Dang. Do you remember our wedding? We should talk about it for a minute. Not our not our wedding.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Wait a minute, which one?

SPEAKER_06 2:26

Like our marriage wedding. Like the one where we were married.

Shotgun Wedding Memories And Regrets

SPEAKER_01 2:29

The one we were actually married? Mm-hmm. The one in February. February 26th.

SPEAKER_06 2:33

Do you remember?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Oh, I remember.

SPEAKER_06 2:35

So I was five and a half months, six months pregnant with Carter. We had a shotgun wedding after church. It was a Sunday.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

I wore a brown button up on button up, dude.

SPEAKER_06 2:48

I think we decided on.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

I had a brown button-up on. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_06 2:51

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

I won't even have a brown button-up. Was it your dress brown?

SPEAKER_06 2:56

Brown.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Why? And it was ugly.

SPEAKER_06 2:58

I don't it was ugly. I don't even have it anymore.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Do we have any pictures of that?

SPEAKER_06 3:01

Well, that's what I was just gonna say. I won't even look at the pictures.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

I don't even know.

SPEAKER_06 3:05

Because I was so pregnant. I was it was such a hard Where did you see the pictures? I know my mom took them on her camera. I won't even ask for them. No, we don't have pictures of them. Like I don't have them posted anywhere. Dang. I can't even okay. I love our marriage. We've been married for 14 years. I love you.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Are you saying this so that you can say something bad?

SPEAKER_06 3:28

Thinking about that time period was really traumatic for me. It was kind of a dark time. Because just announcing our pregnancy, it didn't go over well. You got suspended from coaching because I got pregnant.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

It was just a lot of I didn't know I just was married a mentally ill person.

SPEAKER_06 3:47

I was really happy we were having Carter and excited, but it took a long time to get to that point. It was a lot of like breaking the news.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Dude, I put on so right.

SPEAKER_06 3:57

We were both super fat.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

I had so much weight on. I do remember that.

Redemptive Ceremony And Family Moments

SPEAKER_06 4:02

It's really sad that that I think about that and I feel, and I don't even want to look at the pictures because I know they're gonna give me that gross feeling. Thankfully, we had our wedding. Carter was, so then he would have been 14 months old. So we got married. We got married February 26th. We had a wedding ceremony, it was beautiful, it was in a road rose garden, August of the following of 2013. So Carter was or no, yeah, yeah, 2013. So Carter would have been 14 months old. He was in our wedding, we had really cute pictures done. Um, Megan and Kelsey, they uh took our pictures, they did such a good job. They were the most fun photographers. They did the wobble, they did the wobble, they taught us the wobble, so that was redemptive, and it was really sweet to have Carter in the pictures. We should we should pull some of those out of the archives and show them. But and I'm so happy that we got married in retrospect before we had Carter.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Do you know what's the only thing I remember about our actual wedding day?

SPEAKER_06 5:03

What?

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Do you know?

SPEAKER_06 5:04

Oh, that yeah, I know what you're gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

What your dad said to me.

SPEAKER_06 5:08

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

He was like, All I gotta tell you is you gotta have the patience of Job. The patience of Job.

SPEAKER_06 5:16

He wasn't wrong, but is it worth it?

SPEAKER_01 5:19

It's funny because it was like, I'm marrying his daughter, and he should be saying, like, you better be good to her, and instead, he's like, dude, I feel for you.

SPEAKER_06 5:27

He goes over to whisper something in the city. He's like consoling me. And you think he's gonna say, like, congratulations, buddy, this is the best hero instead.

unknown 5:36

The patience of Job. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:39

And you it's like a scary movie. You just look over at me at the corner of your eye, like, oh no, what am I getting into? Should I run?

SPEAKER_06 5:48

Hey, but I'm worth it, but right?

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Genuinely, wouldn't you think he would have been like, You better not hurt her. You better take care of my daughter. That's my baby girl. Instead, he's like, dude, you're in for it.

SPEAKER_06 6:00

No, by that point, you guys were good friends, so that's just so funny.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Oh, and yeah, you're worth it. For sure.

unknown 6:09

Help me. Help me.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

No, you're worth it. You're worth it.

Framing The 14 Marriage Lessons

SPEAKER_06 6:12

Okay, somebody can. So we just decided really quick. We're like, okay, go. In under five minutes, we're gonna come up with 14 lessons that we've learned in 14 years of marriage. He's gonna do the odd numbers. I'm gonna do the even numbers. We each did seven. So we're gonna see how these turn out. Wouldn't it be but I'm just interested to see how it goes.

Love Is A Choice, Not A Feeling

SPEAKER_02 6:30

So with all that said, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Oh, I'm first.

SPEAKER_06 6:36

You're the odd numbers.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

I already, I can, I already know your reaction. I already, I already know your reaction to the first one. I can see it, I can visualize it.

SPEAKER_06 6:44

Well, just because I'm probably not gonna react that way.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Okay. Love is a choice more than a feeling.

SPEAKER_05 6:52

Okay, it is.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

I thought you were gonna roll your eyes like something you did that.

SPEAKER_06 6:59

No, ironically.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Please tell me that wasn't one of yours.

SPEAKER_06 7:03

It was. It was my number two, or it would have been number 10. So we crossed it off. High five. It's true. Love is a choice, it's not a feeling, and you do feel love for people.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

You feel stuff, but sometimes you feel like murder.

SPEAKER_06 7:20

Like what's agape love?

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Did you hear what I said? I said sometimes you're like, you're not wrong. Like you just like visualize them in a car, and it's like you jumped out, but the car keeps going off the cliff.

SPEAKER_06 7:34

No, really?

SPEAKER_01 7:35

No, but still. No, tell the truth.

SPEAKER_06 7:37

Because I gotta, we gotta know how dark it actually gets in your brain. Because I want to know if I'm crazy or if this is just in real life. You do that. And the people want to hear it.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

You do that sometimes. Oh my gosh, like what kind? Like how? What how did I die?

SPEAKER_05 7:55

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Did I die in these visions of the city?

SPEAKER_05 7:58

How do I die?

SPEAKER_06 7:59

You go first. The cliff. On the count of three. We'll say it. Okay, ready? One go! Oh do you have any other car off the cliffs? Like, do you have any other ways I die? It's always a car off a cliff.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 8:10

Okay. Well, then I don't have to go.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Yes, you do. What is yours?

SPEAKER_06 8:14

You have no other ones.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

I genuinely don't. It's always like that's the easiest one.

SPEAKER_06 8:19

I don't think we should do this.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

What? What's yours?

SPEAKER_06 8:24

Nope.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Say it. What's yours?

SPEAKER_06 8:26

I don't know. Like, there's a couple.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Okay, give me a couple.

SPEAKER_06 8:30

No, I can't. This is making me sick. I can't.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

What? No, you're not gonna get away from the other one.

SPEAKER_06 8:35

All I think the people need to hear is No, you're not giving it up. Because I'm gonna edit it out.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Well, then I want to know.

SPEAKER_06 8:41

All I think the people need to hear is sometimes Lindsay. You can tell us if we're correct as if we're wrong, but sometimes it's normal to imagine your spouse dead.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

But how do I die?

SPEAKER_06 8:54

Kill ya.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

You kill me?

unknown 8:56

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

With what?

SPEAKER_06 8:58

Or sometimes maybe like if you get into a car wreck.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

So that's not any different than the cliff.

SPEAKER_06 9:04

Or yeah, you get cancer or something. I don't know.

Leave And Cleave, Find Mentors

SPEAKER_01 9:06

Oh my gosh. That's a slow one, dude. That's a that only takes time.

SPEAKER_06 9:11

I know I'm not wishing those things on you. I think for me, gosh. For me, it's more anxiety ridden. Like, I don't want those things to happen to you.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

You're demented.

SPEAKER_04 9:24

Do you hear what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Mine is quick. Mine's like, you just go off the cliff, done. It's like it's a nice, peaceful ending. There's no blood. There's nothing.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

You imagine that I have cancer?

SPEAKER_01 9:40

That could take years for me to die.

SPEAKER_06 9:43

I don't want you to have that. I I'm scared you might.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

I was thinking like you're getting on my nerves so bad right now. Yeah, I just got a couple of those. It's not you get on my nerves so bad that you get cancer. It takes you seven years to die.

SPEAKER_05 10:01

It could be a quick cancer. It could be a quick cancer. Okay, you're so much better because you get Hey, you guys see why love is a choice. You're so much better because you get so mad. You're just a mad uh just kill her off a cliff.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

It's like you're talking, talking, talking, and then I just don't hear you anymore.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

You're just like the sound effects.

SPEAKER_05 10:26

We're not gonna be allowed to have a podcast anymore.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Oh man, but yeah, but no, seriously, love is a choice. It is, it really is.

SPEAKER_06 10:34

I mean, do you have any serious notes to add to that? We got 14 of these, so we can't take this long.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Well, I didn't expect this one to take that long. It took a whole place I didn't imagine.

SPEAKER_06 10:42

It is a choice, and sometimes, some days it's easier than others, but always you choose each other.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Yeah. I mean, and the thing is, is if it's a choice, you have control.

SPEAKER_04 10:52

I like that.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Right? If it's up to a feeling, it's out of your control. It's kind of like the it's like victimhood love. Oh, dude. It's like victimhood love.

SPEAKER_06 11:01

I don't get it.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Well, when you know how if you're a victim, you don't have any control over your situation. Yeah. But when you aren't a victim and you accept responsibility for it, what's the opposite of a victim? Responsible.

SPEAKER_06 11:16

I can hear the word victor.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Yeah. But so, anyways, when love is a choice, when you believe that, then it's you're in control.

SPEAKER_06 11:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

You're responsible.

SPEAKER_06 11:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

I like it.

SPEAKER_06 11:32

Out of like, what's the percentage of days you have to choose to love versus 100.

Let Small Stuff Go, Choose Battles

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Wait, you can't go a whole day without choosing to love? There's not one day that has ever gone by. Like, we could be having a great day. But I don't do one thing that annoys you that day that you're like, okay, I gotta choose to love. Yeah, it's a choice.

SPEAKER_06 11:58

Yeah, I guess. I guess. 100%. Okay. Mine is leave and cleave. Get on the same page with boundaries. And also, this is a lot for one, but find marriages that you admire and ask them to pour into you. So I guess that's like three of them in one, but it was my last one that I did. So thinking about leaving and cleaving, when we we got married pretty young, we were still in college. That was a learning curve for us to figure out. We were the first people to get married on both sides. Our parents were young, our parents were figuring it out.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

But just parents weren't even married to each other.

SPEAKER_06 12:33

But just knowing, like the leaving and cleaving is important. You are a family unit. You have to figure out those boundaries, and these all go together because you figure those boundaries out by finding healthy marriages that you admire and letting them pour into you. And we thankfully, we're surrounded by a lot of healthy marriages and um people who put mentors who pour into us and they give us tough love and they tell us, you know, things that we need to improve on. So I think that's important. That's all I have to say about that one.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

I really hate this phrase, but it's when they say like you're your own family unit. But it's true. I just I don't like the way that that's phrased.

SPEAKER_06 13:09

It's true, but also there's so much value in multi-generational. Oh, yeah. Family value.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

And yeah, but I think I think that most people don't ever have that the real boundaries. I feel like if you took a poll, I think it'd be more than 50% of married couples um don't have boundaries with their like extended family.

SPEAKER_06 13:32

I would agree with that. Yeah, where like the mom has an unhealthy, unhealthily close relationship with the son or even with the daughter. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

And obviously you have the extreme version of that where the with like the kids just cut their parents off for no reason. It's because they're psychopaths.

Don’t Trash Your Spouse To Others

SPEAKER_06 13:48

Yeah, which is not healthy because there's value in like what would our kids do without their grandparents on both sides? What would our kids do without their great grandparents? What would we do? Like I mean, tonight. There's so much value in learning the culture of your family. So yeah. Okay, go ahead. Is it my turn?

SPEAKER_01 14:04

All right, let the small stuff go.

SPEAKER_06 14:09

I did that today.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

In what way?

SPEAKER_06 14:12

Your little nicotine patches and flossers were on your nightstand.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

It's my nightstand.

SPEAKER_06 14:18

I know, but it this it's our room.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

See, this this is my sovereign territory.

SPEAKER_06 14:24

You know that I have OCD about that kind of stuff. This is my land, not your land. But I did let it go and I wasn't upset, and I just cleaned it up and moved on.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Yeah, and I was thinking, like, even no, genuinely, like I remember somebody um said this that in their marriage they let their wife make like 90% of the decisions.

SPEAKER_06 14:47

You do do that.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

So that they don't there's not like a bunch of back and forth and indecisiveness, and that there's not like any fighting, but then they for the 10% that are the big decisions, like that's really good.

SPEAKER_06 15:02

They have more I will say you do that really, really well. Um, do you have to intentionally do that? Or do you use a personality?

SPEAKER_01 15:11

I didn't start doing that until I heard that. Really? I was like, hmm. I was like, that's a good play.

SPEAKER_06 15:16

That's yeah, I mean, and it's more efficient too, because as the wife, you're managing all the kids and you know, even just little things like just picking something like that.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

And like, what do I genuinely care that you picked out some carpet that I don't like?

SPEAKER_06 15:30

Yeah, you really do just let me do whatever I want, pretty much, but I do know I mean, because I respect you and have make my decisions within reason, I'm not out blowing all of our money on the product bags or no.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

We have like boundaries, but like I don't care which bag you pick, like I don't care what color bag you pick. I don't care if you want to go get ice cream this weekend or if you want to like stay home and do something like that.

Keep It Silly; Be Best Friends

SPEAKER_06 15:53

Yeah, like for example, yesterday I had a friend over who I hadn't seen in a while, and we and she came over, you were at work, and I ordered takeout for us. And yeah, I don't know. Well, that's I don't that was hard for me at first because I'm just you know freshly not making money for our family, but you don't care about that stuff.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Like, I don't care, but but if you were like doing that every day, then I'd be like, yo, yo, yo.

SPEAKER_06 16:18

You allowing me to make the decisions, it makes it more efficient and it makes me respect you more, so then I'm less likely, I'm not being feeling micromanaged so that when I don't resent you.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

When you're like, hey, we need to sell our house and buy a new house, and I'm like, no, we're waiting two more, three more years.

SPEAKER_06 16:36

Yeah. So what yeah, when you do have a true opinion, it's on the biggest matters, and I respect it. Yeah, that's really good.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

It's easier for me too, because I just like I don't care. Yeah, I just kind of go with it.

SPEAKER_06 16:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

So, anyways, all right.

SPEAKER_06 16:49

My next one. Um, so what is this number four? Throwing your spouse under the bus to your friends, parents, etc. isn't cool. I think this happens a lot.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Um you used to do that to me.

SPEAKER_06 17:03

No, I just you hear it. You hear people like it.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Oh, I didn't know if this was something that you did and then you learned the lesson from it.

SPEAKER_06 17:11

Like, well, I think early on in marriages, people are trying to it's a shift. Your loyalty shifts when you first get married. You have a best friend, you have a mom, you have a sister, and then your loyalty when you make that covenant of marriage, your loyalty shifts to your spouse. Number one, and they're your number one, and so it is not respectful to air out your spouse's dirty laundry. That's between the two of you. And I never feel like in our marriage I ever have to worry about that. I know that you have guy friends that you're close with, you have group texts with guys, you do like, but I never worry that you're gonna go throw me under the bus or make me feel I don't tell anybody anything fear, like make me if I mess up that you're gonna go complain about me. But also just I I think women sometimes will just get on these uh tirades where they're just dudes do it too, belittling their husbands.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Dudes do it too to their moms.

Years 1–7 Are The Toughest

SPEAKER_06 18:14

Yeah, that is so wildly inappropriate to talk to your mom.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

What are you doing?

SPEAKER_06 18:22

Your spouse, not appropriate, not appropriate, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

And the other dudes do it to their guy friends.

SPEAKER_06 18:29

I mean, we don't have time to go into tips and tricks and stuff, so you're gonna have to Google all that. But yeah, it's just you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 18:38

You know how girls do it, guys do that too. They do it to their guy friends, like, oh yeah, she wouldn't let me do this or whatever. Like they're just out there complaining. Yeah, you're far from the mic. Yeah, I got a little too confused.

SPEAKER_06 18:51

Yeah, or like, oh, she was being really crazy.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Like, what are you doing? What what is what good will come of that?

SPEAKER_06 18:58

Right. And it not that I think we've made it clear on this podcast, we don't have a perfect marriage, and we know you guys don't have a perfect marriage, and marriage is hard, and we all go through things, but at the same time, you don't want to hurt the integrity, like you don't want to compromise the integrity of your marriage by talking about the things that only you and your spouse should be working through, because then people have that against your spouse.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Well, yeah, and well, you're yeah, they're gonna have something at your spouse, they're you're gonna impact their view of your spouse, and then sometimes you're just doing it so that you can have justification for what you think.

SPEAKER_06 19:37

It's different if you have like a trusted again, the power of a mentor who you know is gonna speak hard truth to you, who when you're trying to get, you know, let's say you do need to Well, yeah, if you're like a married couple and you have another married couple friend that they'll say, actually, you're not right. But it's different.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

But even then, like you when there's back and forth banter, you really like it needs to have been be a big deal. Yeah, yeah, can't just be going and like talking crap, yeah, for sure.

Dates, Expectations, And Grace

SPEAKER_06 20:05

And if it's somebody who's constantly validating you, that's not good.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Yeah, because then you know mine is never stop being silly together. You gotta you gotta laugh, let loose and laugh. Life is hard, laugh at the dumb stuff too, because you sometimes you just need to laugh.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

And laugh at your kids, it might not even be.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Oh, for sure, dude that's the one you can you can talk crap about your kids, only to your spouse, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 20:33

Because only you two know your kids and unconditionally love your kids like the two of you do. So when they're acting a fool or when they're doing something, you guys just make eyes at each other, and you then later you're like, what is that?

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah, we do that too. We're just like the eyes.

SPEAKER_06 20:54

The eyes. Your spouse should be your best friend if they aren't, get to work. Yeah, this we kind of already talked about this, but your spouse, period, period. Your spouse should be your best friend. If they aren't, get to work. That doesn't mean you can't be super close with your sister, that doesn't mean you can't have a friend that you're very close with, but your spouse is your number one, and if they're not, you need to get to work, you need to figure out what we can do. Well, you might say, Oh, we don't have anything in common. Well, me and Corey, there's a lot we don't have in common. We could find our differences to separate us, like we don't have the same taste in music. He's a big sports guy. I like art and music and stuff. Or we could say, Hey, you're pretty cool, dude, and I'm pretty cool gal, and we're pretty funny together, and you're my best friend. Do you want to be best friends forever?

Stop Arguing To Win

SPEAKER_01 21:48

That's the lamest thing I've ever heard in my life. Okay, well, that's how I feel. Oh my gosh. So this is. Is like the perfect example of roping in the last one and this one. So getting bad advice. That uh Nick Fuentes dude that says all the like outlandish things all the time, and it's like sometimes right, but then sometimes like way, like way off. Um he one of the things he said that people he got backlash for was he was saying that men don't be your wife's best friend, like you shouldn't be your best friend. I'm like, bro, you're like in your 20s and you've never been married.

SPEAKER_06 22:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

He's he's not married, doesn't have a girlfriend. Yeah, like like what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_06 22:43

All right, what's your next one?

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Oh, where'd he go? Um the first five to seven years are the hardest.

SPEAKER_06 22:54

Put that up by your mount. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

The first five to seven years are the hardest, but if you work through it, it's an amazing place to be.

SPEAKER_06 23:02

The five to seven years isn't an amazing place to be?

SPEAKER_01 23:05

No, no, no. After the five to seven years.

SPEAKER_06 23:07

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

I feel like the first five to seven years when you're married is just like you're trying to figure out all kinds of stuff.

SPEAKER_06 23:13

For sure. I'm curious to know if anybody out there wants to send us a text. Do you agree with that? The first five to seven years. I do think I heard I've heard people say that year seven is the hardest.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

But I'm just I was genuinely just thinking of like our marriage. I was trying to think I was like, but when did it like we get past that?

SPEAKER_06 23:33

We kind of had an atypical marriage though. We got we had Carter, we moved across country.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

What? So you think other people do it sooner?

SPEAKER_06 23:41

I don't know. I'm curious, but I I mean I would agree with that as far as our marriage, and I would also agree that.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

But I wasn't just thinking of our marriage, I was thinking of like all the marriages I can think of that I've been around for. It's like it feels like that five to seven is like once you hit a groove. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 23:59

Yeah, not that it gets all sunshine and rainbows after that because it's not like all right, I kind of am starting to figure this chick out.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:07

Yeah, I like it. Okay. This one's a little advice for the latest, but this is not a get out of jail free card or an ex a reason for you guys to not do this, men. He might plan the date, but most likely he won't. Doesn't mean he loves you any less. You're just in a busy season.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Dang, you just learned this?

SPEAKER_06 24:29

No, I didn't just learn this. You haven't been planning dates for seven years. The first five to seven.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

That's true.

Boundaries, Clarity, And Coffee

SPEAKER_06 24:37

No, it's true though. I think I think the bigger overall picture of this is you can't take things so personally. You need to be giving your spouse the grace that you expect. So if you're not feeling like you really have margin to plan some big date or do these thoughtful things for your spouse, they don't either. And so that's the point of it. I just pick dates, like planning dates as the example. Like, I think it's important for us to be intentional about making time for each other. And I appreciate that you want it, but I also respect the fact that sometimes, like last night for our 14-year anniversary, we had a babysitter, but we didn't know what we were doing until we were heading to the restaurant looking up the menu. And that's fine, it doesn't need to be this big every now and then that's nice and it's appreciated.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

Yeah, and sometimes, man, like she actually enjoys it when you actually just make all the decisions for the night. You know, there's that meme out there, it's like, well, if the guy makes a decision, she'll just start questioning the decision, right?

SPEAKER_06 25:42

But that's not like yeah, I don't feel like you love me any less because you worked all day and you knew we had a date and you still made time for the date, but you didn't plan out all these special details. It doesn't affect it. You have to learn to not let those things offend you. Now, if it's repetitive and you know truly feels negligent and and it's different.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:07

I don't know how else how else to word that because I don't want guys to get off the hook, but it's a reciprocal mutual recipe.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

I mean, if he's doing the other stuff, yeah, you know, then give the guy a little slack.

SPEAKER_06 26:21

Yeah. It's one thing if you're feeling wife, same thing. If you're one spouse and you're trying to do all these things and be thoughtful and take care of yourself and you're putting in all the effort, and then your spouse comes home and they're a big fat slob, not taking care of themselves, watching TV, playing video games, and neglecting your relationship. But when you are have a mutually respected and reciprocal relationship, then yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Yeah. Next one. Um, don't argue to win.

SPEAKER_06 26:55

Although we both still argue to win.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

We do. This is probably the one that we I mean, we I think we do a lot less than we used to.

SPEAKER_06 27:04

Well, because basically we've realized that we're both so stubborn that it's like this could literally go on for days.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

And it could get really vicious as it has.

SPEAKER_06 27:12

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

You know, where you go, you say, oh dude, he really went too far.

SPEAKER_05 27:16

Like he literally almost drove me off a cliff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

But um, but yeah, like, and I think sometimes, I don't know if you feel this way, but I I know I felt this way when like the arguing to win thing is that like it makes you more like I'm I'm tough, I'm respectable, cause I'm not gonna let you beat me in an argument. No, no, no, no, like you think that, but in reality, it's the opposite.

SPEAKER_06 27:46

Yeah, it's disgusting, right?

Cool Downs And Conflict Patterns

SPEAKER_01 27:49

It's it's like you think it you're being tough, yeah, but like you're not, but you're actually immature. The tough thing is to actually just let stuff go. Yeah, it's actually really hard, yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 28:02

Yeah, I think that's a man thing of like puffing your chest out and stuff. For me, the wanting to win in an argument is just I just want to be right. And there's no like and I'm maybe I'm I'm better than you. I don't know. It's just like I just want to be right. Not but I see what you're saying, and it is true. It's yeah, the mature thing is to let the fight go.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

Yeah, it's actually way it's the harder thing to do.

SPEAKER_06 28:36

Yeah, and that it is the tougher, more manly thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

That's how other things are. But when you're arguing, it's like you actually lose when you win. Like you both lose when you fight like that. Yeah. So like the harder thing to do is to just like go. It's like how she said that. It's like, oh man, that's a pretty bad thing.

SPEAKER_05 29:01

She just said but at least I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

But in your mind, but in your but in your head, you just don't even say anything. Yeah. It's like, oh dang, she called me that. All right, I'm just gonna let that one go.

SPEAKER_06 29:12

Do you let it go? You know what I mean? I guess. All right, my next one. You already said love is a choice, and we talked about it.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

That's good. So I go again, yeah. Um this one, this one took me a while. I held out hope, hope for this one for so long, and I just I learned the lesson that this is just never gonna happen.

SPEAKER_04 29:37

Oh gosh, what is it?

SPEAKER_01 29:40

That your wife doesn't close the door when she poops.

SPEAKER_06 29:43

I was gonna put that. I was literally gonna poop put that. That if you leave the door open when you poop, it's gonna well, I shouldn't even say it's gonna ruin some things because it doesn't. That's why I still do it.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Dude. Shut the door.

SPEAKER_05 30:01

I get lonely in there.

SPEAKER_01 30:03

I don't want to be a part of that. Why do you think I shut the door when I'm in there?

SPEAKER_05 30:10

I was going to put that, but I didn't want to move on.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

I shut the door, and if it locks, I lock it because I don't want anybody in there.

SPEAKER_06 30:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

Like, what are you doing? Just give me five stinking minutes.

SPEAKER_06 30:23

I mean, outside of my family, I'm a private person, but within our family, we're kind of weird. Well, you're not you're very private, but our kids, they're getting to be at that age where they probably shouldn't be walking around. Carter's private too. So maybe it's just me and the girls.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

No, one of our kids this morning.

SPEAKER_06 30:43

One of our kids this morning just came in and was having a full-blown conversation with us, butt naked.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

Yeah, it's like, dude, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_06 30:52

Full blown, not no shame. Like Adam and Eve in the garden. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Like, no, no, I mean it's like go get dressed.

SPEAKER_06 31:02

I know, but I'm kind of like that too.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

And they all sleep like naked.

SPEAKER_06 31:06

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

It's like I go and wake them up, it's like you're on the couch. And it's like, what are you doing? Put some underwear on or something here.

SPEAKER_06 31:17

Yeah, I don't know. All right. Um, okay. No matter how many No, I have two left.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 31:26

It's me, you, me. No, yeah, me, you, me. No matter how many times you tell him the same thing, he still needs it spelled out. He ain't gonna read your mind.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

No. No one ever told me that I needed to read minds.

SPEAKER_06 31:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Well like just say it. Just say it. Don't beat around the bush.

SPEAKER_06 31:44

This is not offensive. This is not offensive.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

Why do you beat around the bush? Like, why's the thing?

SPEAKER_06 31:48

What men are just so simple.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 31:52

So, and I'm not saying simple, like you're a simpleton, you're not smart.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Like simple as in your dumb. No, we just don't we don't want it complicated. And it's just like we want to be efficient, right?

Why We’re Still All In

SPEAKER_06 32:02

And so just this is a perfect example. I think we might have actually talked about this on the podcast. We mornings were a really big pain point for us, and getting up with the kids and you were having trouble with your sleep. And there was a time period where I was like really resentful to you, and because it mornings were just hard. We had a lot of kids, it was stressful, I had to hurry up and get ready for work, blah, blah, blah. And then finally I thought, like, well, I can just keep being mad at him every day, or I can just think about what it is that I would want that would make me like him, and then I'll just tell him to do it. And so then I did. Do you remember where I told you to do it? Oh, the coffee. Yeah. I said, Yeah, we did talk about this before. I just said, you know what would like really make me like you. And I said, if you just get up in the morning and you make me an electrolyte drink, or actually, I didn't even tell you that. I just said if you if you get up in the morning, so actually wake up and make me a coffee and bring it to me. And you do every single morning now. It's just so simple. You just you just you just yeah, you're so simple and you did it.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

That honestly is the most important lesson out of all 14 lessons.

SPEAKER_06 33:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

That most women don't get.

SPEAKER_06 33:21

You just have to overly spell it out.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Do you realize that we literally spend like every second of every day just trying to get a girl to like us?

SPEAKER_06 33:30

Even when you're married?

SPEAKER_01 33:32

No, I'm saying like before you're married, and then when you're married, it's your wife. Like you just before you're married, you do anything you can. You'll pretty much do anything a woman would ask you to do because you just want her to like you.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

And then when you get married, it's the same thing. We just want you to like us.

SPEAKER_03 33:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

So, like, instead of being jerks sometimes and saying mean things or get throwing an attitude, why don't you say, hey, I really like if you did this.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

I really like if I didn't, if you didn't do this.

SPEAKER_06 33:59

I would really like it if when you're at the gas station and you ask me if I want anything and I always say no, just get me something anyway. Right. Just say that. Right. Just say that. Just say it.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

We'll do it.

SPEAKER_06 34:12

They don't they did, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

We will genuinely do it.

SPEAKER_06 34:14

Maybe some guys are not that simple, but you could say my guy.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

You could say, you know, it's so attractive. What's so attractive is somebody that robs banks and brings me back a hundred thousand dollars.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

Don't no, I'm just saying we would go do that.

SPEAKER_06 34:31

No, but no, but you can't even say that. Oh, this is this is so attractive. And a guy, you have to say, Hey, I would like you more if you would go rob a bank with me.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Will you do it? Right, and then we'd be like, Yeah, we'll go rob the bank. Right. Like we don't care.

SPEAKER_06 34:47

Yeah. So that's it. All right. You got one more. I got one more.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

All right. My last one is this is a tough one, fellas. It's a real tough one. Don't be only one inch taller than your wife. Because she will constantly think she's actually taller than you.

SPEAKER_06 35:11

I, first of all, we're the same height.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

No, we're not. Yes, we are. We tested it.

SPEAKER_06 35:16

The kids measured us. And I'm not saying this. I don't want to be I don't want to be the same height as you. I don't want to be taller than you. You're not. I don't like it. I'm self-conscious about it. Okay. We've never talked about this, but we're gonna say I am. And it didn't bother me as much when I was thin when we were first dating, but then after having five pregnancies and I'm uh heavier now, it bothers me because you know it's nothing to do with you.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

Did you see did you hear the second point on this?

SPEAKER_06 35:49

It's nothing.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

I literally wrote, she's delusional. You're so delusional.

SPEAKER_05 35:54

It has nothing to do with you, and I know you're off your stinking rocker.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Listen, listen to what the story you've built for yourself.

SPEAKER_06 36:03

It's not a story, it's just true. To try to convince yourself of those who don't love you less, and it's a me problem. It's a me problem, it's a self-image problem, right?

SPEAKER_01 36:14

It is a you problem.

SPEAKER_06 36:15

So I just have to fix it.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Yeah, right, yes. We're on the same.

SPEAKER_06 36:21

What was the actual advice?

SPEAKER_01 36:24

It said don't be only one inch taller than your wife.

SPEAKER_06 36:28

No, it's fine, it's just a season of like the last seven years of me being overweight and self-conscious. But it's it's I will say though, you know, I I've always been on the thicker side, and I thought, man, you know what? It's just the good lord keeping you relatively healthily, chunkily, like in shape. Because if I had married a 6'4 man, I probably would have been so comfortable that I would have just eaten my eaten myself to be the size of a house.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_06 37:03

So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_06 37:06

It's so messed up people that we've lost people there. Okay. The last one your marriage will always be a work in progress. And if it's not, your marriage is probably dying. And I think that's a good one to end on. Your marriage is always gonna be a work in progress.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

I just feel like that's a choice.

SPEAKER_06 37:25

And if it's not, it's dying. Well, that's what I mean. So if you can undie it. That's what I mean. If you feel like you're not striving for something in your marriage right now, you should take a good look, hard look at yourself and talk to your spouse and see like do you feel like our marriage is like maybe dying?

SPEAKER_01 37:43

Yeah, and then do something about it.

SPEAKER_06 37:45

And and so give some examples of like a work in progress. We're we're constantly trying to fight for time to be intentional. That's being a work in progress. If you don't have intentional time, but you just continue to be an autopilot, autopilot, and not make time for it, yeah, your marriage is dying. What's another one?

SPEAKER_01 38:04

If you talk crap to your friends or your mom or whatever, and then never say give your spouse any real feedback, then your marriage is slowly, slowly dying. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 38:16

All right, so we got our 14. Do you is there anything else that you have to say? See, this is one where if I genuinely wanted you to say something specific, I would just have to say it. But if I'm sitting here saying, is there anything you want to say? And I'm thinking in my head, I want him to say this.

SPEAKER_02 38:37

And if he doesn't, I'm gonna think he's a more.

SPEAKER_06 38:39

And if he doesn't, then I'm gonna be mad at him for the rest of the night. And but just tell him, hey babe, what's wrong? Nothing.

SPEAKER_01 38:44

And this is where I let the small stuff go. And I'm just like, I don't care. You can be mad at me all you want.

SPEAKER_05 38:50

I'm going to bed.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

Oh yeah. When you say nothing, and it's like there's definitely something. You're lying.

SPEAKER_05 38:56

I don't really do that. I don't really do that.

SPEAKER_01 38:59

No, you just leave.

SPEAKER_05 39:04

It's okay to have a cool down period.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

Oh, that was another lesson.

SPEAKER_06 39:09

What?

SPEAKER_01 39:10

Is when you're fighting.

SPEAKER_06 39:11

Oh, I I almost put it's okay to go to bed angry.

SPEAKER_01 39:14

I was gonna say it's okay to let her go.

SPEAKER_06 39:16

That's what I mean. Like it's okay to go to bed angry. Like, you don't have to solve. I think this is in marriage, there's two different people and they marry each other. Like one of them, when you're in a fight, you need to let it settle. I need time, I need to sleep on it and wake up refresh. The other one is like, no, we're gonna fix this right now. We're fixing it. And then that's where I have to get in the car and drive away. Otherwise, he's gonna harass me until I'm a skeleton.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

I push you beyond what you're capable of like taking in.

SPEAKER_06 39:49

I need to process this, I need to decompress. The more you push me, the more I'm gonna say really, really mean things.

SPEAKER_01 39:56

Yeah, so like when we did that at first, and then you would leave, and then I would like call me a thousand times.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Why did you go and get back here?

SPEAKER_06 40:06

And like, don't worry about it. I'm going to my boyfriend's house.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

I'm done. I'm out of here. You were just trying to try to get me to get off the phone.

SPEAKER_04 40:14

Yeah. Turn my phone off.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Yeah, eventually. I it was it was phases. At first, she you would say, like, I'm done. We're never we're not gonna be gonna be married anymore. And then I'd be like, All right, I'm just gonna let that one go. But then I'd still fight with you, you know, and then eventually, eventually we'd uh when we would fight to the point you would leave. I was just like, I'm not calling her.

SPEAKER_06 40:39

Okay, and this is in the years like zero to five. Yeah, so just so people know this is not happening anymore. And this is why Corey says, like, zero to five are very hard years because you're children getting married, learning each other, you're stupid, you're immature, you're making bad choices if you're on year 15, 14, 15, and you're still I mean, the one that's grow up in this stuff and saying, Well, we're not gonna be married anymore.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

Grow up.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Like, what is wrong with you? Let it go, dude. It's not a big deal.

SPEAKER_06 41:10

It's been 14 years, okay.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

Yeah, you know how many times she told you she was gonna leave and you're never gonna be married?

SPEAKER_06 41:15

You did poop or get off the pot. Like, okay, you're all talk at this point.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Yeah, it's like, dude, she doesn't mean it, just ignore it. She will be back. She, you know, she said she wasn't gonna come back tonight and or she was gonna go state her parents or whatever.

SPEAKER_05 41:28

Don't worry, she doesn't have anywhere else to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

No, she's gonna go sit in the sheets parking lot for 10 minutes and scroll through her reels, and then she'll be home. Like, just relax.

SPEAKER_06 41:38

We just some of us just need a cool down period, and that's all that is.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

There were times where I'm like, where's she going? Whose house is that? And then it's like, oh, it's sheets.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

Oh, and then I get like a couple reels later, like towards the end, and it's like I'm sending you reels. Yeah, by the end, you're like, you're cool down, you don't even care anymore.

SPEAKER_05 41:59

And you sent me so true.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

It's like it like took 15 minutes, but like the the two minutes right before you pulled out, you sent me two reels. You're like, Yeah, okay, I can go home now.

SPEAKER_06 42:06

Yeah, that's so funny. That's such a good story. Yeah, so then you come home and it's like that's an example we're good, we make up of a cool down, a person that needs to cool down. They just need if you just let them drive away, they just need to process, just let them have their time. Right, they're just leaving to get away from you because you're annoying and you're pestering. So just give them their time, let them go to the gas station, scroll a few reels, and in about 20 to 28 minutes, they'll be sending you reels, and then you know, okay, we're good to go.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

But it's like I don't mean any of it. I just wanted you to stop, right?

SPEAKER_05 42:45

I just wanted you to leave me alone, right?

SPEAKER_01 42:47

So now it's just like for the most part, I think. I mean, we still fight, but like one of us will start to fight about something, we're just like, all right, just forget it.

SPEAKER_06 42:56

I can just picture. All right, we're wrapping this up.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Like we just completely let it go from the beginning. We don't even try to win. Yeah. Like one of us will make a comment and the other one just doesn't even say anything.

SPEAKER_06 43:07

We're just like, yeah, yeah, I'm too tired for this crap tonight. Yeah. Um, I can just I'm just laughing at uh the our podcast and the things that we're saying right now, and just imagining like my wise pap just listening to this, and he's like, You guys are so dumb still.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

You guys still have so much. You guys don't even know 15 years, that's nothing. I've been married for 60 years.

SPEAKER_05 43:34

You guys are so dumb. You have no business having a podcast.

SPEAKER_06 43:38

And I hope that's what he would think if he's listening. Because good for you, good for you, Larry.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

I like this, I'm having a good time.

SPEAKER_06 43:48

No, but it's true, and that's the work in progress, and that's the note to end on is that if you're older and wiser and you're listening to this, rolling your eyes at us, that's just because we're working.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Alright, this is gonna sound super cheesy and corny. What? But it's just it's just one of those things that is cheesy and corny, but it is true. Is when they say, I think I text this to you on our anniversary, is that like when we were first married, like you think you're so in love, and then and you always hear people say, like, um, I didn't think I could love you anymore, and you know, then I did the the first time, and it's like now we've been married for 14 years, and I look back and it's just like dang.

SPEAKER_06 44:33

You had no idea.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

No, and I'm like, how can I possibly love you more than I do now?

SPEAKER_06 44:38

But like we're even after all the crap you put me through.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

But we will, yeah, and that's cool, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:44

Cause you it sounds corny go through hard things together, and you go through loss and triumph and victory, and that is what makes you love somebody more, is going through those hard things. Like honestly, we get to 14 years in now, and I think we've lost two babies together, we've moved across country twice, we've lost my cousin, your dad, we've won together, we've we've had beautiful babies, we've been through foster care together, and you the more you go through together as a united front, and maybe one day you're thinking, I don't want to do this anymore, but then you think, but I can't do this with anybody else.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

Yeah, it's like you know how much work I put into this, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 45:33

Like, I can't do this with anybody else. I've lived too much life with this person.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

I gotta try to get to learn somebody else.

SPEAKER_06 45:40

Yeah, and also just the things that you've been through together. Could you imagine?

SPEAKER_01 45:45

Yeah, you wouldn't know. You wouldn't know what each other had gone through.

SPEAKER_06 45:49

Yeah, yeah, that's wild.

SPEAKER_01 45:51

So you're like alone in that. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, you just like like even we've lived stuff together, even like the like the death of family members. So like when you would like think back of somebody that you missed that passed away, you would go back to your marriage, yeah. And that's but like we could talk about it, so like we could share in it and I could tell you that. But then, like, if I had to if I was married to a new person, could you say something they'd have no idea, they don't even know the person.

SPEAKER_06 46:15

Could you imagine trying to re-explain the last 14 years to a new wife? No, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 46:22

No way, no way, and I gotta learn a whole new group of crazy. No, you know what I mean? And you gotta learn a whole new group of like jerk. I mean, when it really comes down to it, like every guy to some extent has a little bit of like jerk, and every girl has a little bit of like crazy, and it's like, but it's their own flavor of it, so now you gotta get used to a new one, like you just figured out the original, you know?

SPEAKER_05 46:52

You know what I mean? Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

It's like, oh, this guy's a jerk in this way. I don't like that. Yeah, I want the other jerk back. And I'm like, oh man, she's crazy like this. Like, I didn't want to be crazy like this. Can I get the crazy like I originally had it? Can I get that back? She's crazy like this, and she's crazy like that.

SPEAKER_06 47:08

Crazy like this, you know what crazy like that.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

You see it, you see it in other people's spouses. You can see like where they're where like that guy's a jerk in a different place than your husband's a jerk.

SPEAKER_06 47:17

Yeah, or like she's like, oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:20

She's like, yeah. That's like crazy crazy, right? And then yeah, you see the other one, yeah. The guy sees the girl, yeah, and he's like, Oh.

SPEAKER_06 47:27

Oh, so she's like she's like duh. She's like controlling crazy, yeah. Or like, oh, that one's mine.

SPEAKER_01 47:34

No, that one's mine. Yeah. You're mixing them up. That one's mine.

SPEAKER_05 47:41

All right, well, 14 we've learned for 14 years. It's gonna go 14 years, baby.

SPEAKER_01 47:52

It's been a good run.