The Devil Works Hard for a Soul | Werewolf Podcast Episode 216 – Medieval Fantasy, Lucifer & Dark Comedy

What would you sacrifice to save a friend?

In this dark fantasy comedy episode of Werewolf the Podcast, a medieval knight is hurled from a trebuchet toward certain death—until Lucifer herself intervenes.

As William Marshal faces a fatal fall, his loyal friend Gervais makes an unthinkable bargain: his immortal soul in exchange for William’s survival.

Meanwhile, the Devil—equal parts sarcastic and terrifying—struggles with the logistics of saving an “almost unkillable” werewolf, bending time, breaking reality, and questioning whether the soul she’s claimed is even worth the effort.

Expect:

• Werewolf transformations and medieval chaos
•  A witty, unpredictable Lucifer
•  Dark humour, friendship, and fatal bargains
•  Knights, castles, and a very unfortunate trebuchet launch

This episode blends dark fantasy storytelling, absurd comedy, and supernatural drama into a uniquely British audio experience.

🎧 Perfect for fans of:

• Dark fantasy podcasts
• Comedy horror
• Supernatural storytelling
• Medieval fiction with a twist

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Transcript

Chupacabras have nearly become extinct. Here, we see Dave, a typical male of the species, as he entered the captive breeding programme we have set up here. As members of the rerelease team, you need to listen to Briefing #1192

William Marshal

Well, I have just been fired from a Trebuchet into the sky. 

Little do they know that I will become my Werewolf self and land comfortably in the castle. They are fools they are. How dare they replay this past of mine. 

They have tried to kill me a few times now, and each time has failed. How do they think this is going to kill me?

I laugh as I fly; I'm quite enjoying the experience to be honest. I had never done it before. Sometime in the future, this should be the only way to travel. With a little more luxury, though.

'Why are you laughing?' Asked my wolf soul.

"Well, they can't kill me, can they?' I told him confidently.

'Why do you think that?' He responded.

This ability to have a mental conversation with my wolf soul tells you how long I was in the air, and at this point, I was reaching the peak of the arc of my journey. 

'Well, we just become us, don't we, and then we will be fine.' I laughed again.

'How do we do that when I am over here and you are over there?' He asked me. 

That was not something I had considered.

'Do you seriously think that a Wolf can fly?' He asked me.

Hmm! This I did not consider. 

I could now see over the wall and into the castle, and the cobblestoned floor of it made me realise that the likelihood was that I would go splat. If my wolf soul were not there, I would definitely go splat.

I got distracted for a moment, wondering where I had got the word splat from, but it seemed to be very appropriate to what sound I would make when I hit the solid, stoney nature of the floor. 

'Well, get there and intercept me before I land.' I said with a little vehemence. 

'How fast do you think I am?' Replied Fenrir.

This was not good news. The flight now was not so much fun, and the thought that this flight would be the rest of my life, which was going to be short with a splat of an end, was not good.

'What am I going to do then?' I asked the Wolf's soul. 

I was now a few feet from the ground as the wind whistled past my ears at the end of my trajectory. I was going to land heavy and hard. 

'If you look like you are going to hit something hard. Make sure you miss it.'

Splat.

Luci-fer

This really should not be that difficult. I had to save an amortal Werewolf. I mean, he was very hard to kill anyway. 

This has been too much work, and to be honest, looking at Gervais's immortal soul, I am considering whether all this effort is worth it.

It would likely be coming my way anyway. I couldn't really see where else it would go, but you have to make sure, I suppose. Once I owned it, then... Well, it was mine. 'No backsies,' as the youth of some age of the Earth say.

I had saved William Marshall now several times from being killed. It was getting a little bit silly and repetitive. This one was an interesting one. They had launched him with a siege engine at the castle.

I know... I know... I should have stopped it before he was flung... but I had never seen anyone ever flang. Is that the correct verb? And the results looked as though they were going to be entertaining. It wasn't particularly amusing though. He was just thrown at the castle.

One minute, he was bound and held in the bucket thing of the trebuchet. The next thing was the weight dropping and the lever of the machine accelerating, and then he was suddenly tossed at the walls.

He was in the bucket on ropes at the end of the arm. I have no idea what its technical name is, so for ease of description, let's just call it a bucket with ropes. He was in that, then he flew out, being followed by a cloud of... well, it is not a nice thing to say, but a cloud of snot. Sorry, I know... yuck... never mind. 

I had sat through the pantomime that was supposedly the entertainment before the flinging. It was not entertaining. The acting was mediocre, to say the least, and the only person not pretending to laugh and smile was the Count himself. He was having a fit of hysterics at every word uttered by the... person in the clown outfit. Everyone else was giving the response they knew they should give, but they were faking it. Humans such easy liars!

My little cat, who was my demon secretary in cat shape, sat on my knee as we watched the flinging? 

'Aren't you supposed to be doing something about the impending landing?' She asked quite nonchalantly. 

'This one is on him.' I pointed at the Werewolf soul. 

'He'll sort it out.' I told the cat with the utmost confidence.

'And anyway, I have just taken my boots off.' I told her as I rubbed my tired feet. I mean, I could stop them feeling tired instantly if I wished, but there is something that contents me when I make my feet ache and then rub them. 

It is one of the myriad of things that I have learnt from humanity. Humans invent so much good stuff—coffee, wine, 1950's cinema, war and genocide. 

The cat's head turned to the Wolf's soul, who was still sitting where he was watching the flight of his friend.

Her tail began to twitch, which, after the centuries of us working together, I knew meant that she was a little concerned, slightly stressed, and a tad anxious. 

I was a little exasperated. It had been a long century.

'Oh, for the devil's sake... me that is. For my sake. What is the matter.' I asked her. Trying to enjoy my foot rub. Those two baleful little eyes turned towards me. 

'Nothing...' replied the cat. I rubbed my feet again. It was so good. It was up there with scratching that itch on your wrist—another humanism I do every now and again. 

'But...' said the cat.

'But what!.' I snapped. 'What is it now?' My usual patience wavering. 

'No need to be testy.' Said the cat with an admonishing air. 

'But... that...' It pointed the tip of its sinuous tail at the Wolf's soul before she continued.

'But if that is supposed to be doing something about this, then why is it still sitting there watching?' she asked.

I raised my head to observe the Wolf's soul. He was certainly just sitting there. Why was he... Should he not be with...? Should they not be a werewolf or something? I was confused. 

I met the cat's eyes. 

'Oh Dam!' I shouted as I clicked my fingers and disappeared, leaving the little demon cat in mid-air where my knee had been. This was okay. She was a cat after all, and she simply and cooly dropped to her feet amongst my boots and sniggered. 

'I love this job.' She told the unlistening evening. 

Gervais

What have I done? I had to do it. She was the devil person, the... thingy. She was like properly nice to look at and seemed lovely; then she told me she was the devil and... thingy. Other names for it... Whatever.

What else could I do? He... him. Wiw William is much more better for this world than I, so I did the right thing, which was to give it... My thingy so she would save him. 

Didn't take a lot. I just had to agree to give it her. Dint feel no different after. I mean, I dinn't sign a thingy with my own blood or thingy. I dint even shake her hand or nothing. I just said she could have it if she saved him. You know thingy. 

I am damned. I am going to hell. I don't even know when. Will it be once she has saved him, or will it like, be when I is deaded? These are the thingymies that I should have asked, before the agreeing thingy, eh? (Belch)

I am sitting in the chur... the chur... the chapel of my lord de Tancerville. I asked the priest to leave me in peace for a moment with the god thingy.

Well, I told him to fuck off, or I would stick the sharp end of my sword in his ear. He seemed upset for some reason. Bless him. No, fuck him. He's not going to hell, is he? At least I'll be warm. 

'Gervais!' 

Ah fuck it's Percy. I really don't need that cu... cun... that chap to bother me now. Can he not leave me to wallow in my misery for a while by myself?

I didn't speak; I just raised my hand with my cup in it. It sloshed beautiful red wine down my arm, which I tried to lick from my elbow as it ran. Did... you know... Did you know that it's nearly... well, for me, it is. It is impossible to lick your elbow? Who knew that? I did na. 

I heard Percy walk down between the benches to join me, unwanted. In front of the pulpit, I sat slumped on my pew. I heard an intake of breath. I had to admit what he saw was. Well, a mess. 

He looked at me after taking in the... whole scene. 

'Gervais.' I tried to meet his eyes, but lifting my chin from my chest was quite difficult for some reason. I must be very tired. 

Percy sighed again and, swept the ten or so empty bottles from the pew and plonked himself beside me. 

'Wha d you want?' I asked the foppish man. 

I had managed to move my eyes. Not my head but just my eyes so that I could see the man a little. It was enough. He was his usual well-dressed self. Chinless and with his hairline beating a hasty retreat, but he was well dressed. 

'I was worried.' Said Percy.

'No need Perc.' I told him. 'I... is fine, perk. I was just communing, you know, praying with him there.' I pointed a wobbly finger at the cross on the table before me.

Percy was quiet, which is not normal. 

'What is the matter, Gervais?' He asked. I could actually hear the genuine concern in his voice—none of our usual banter. 

I managed to turn towards him, after a few attempts, and look him in the eye. He met my gaze. His face was... His face showed care and concern. He reached and held my shoulder. I could feel the comforting grasp of his hand.

'I mean Gervais this.' He swept his hand over the wreckage of my two hours of drinking. Bottles, both broken and whole, were scattered across the stone floor. 

'Father Crilly was worried about you. Well, actually, he was terrified of you. The same thing concerning you worry and terror I often find.' He said.

I could not hold his eyes. I just could not.

'I want to tell you something, but you will not believe me.' I drunkenly garbled.

'You will say that I am lost in my drunkenness and that it can't be true when I tell you.' I told him, looking back at those rheumy eyes and offering a wan smile.

He looked at me and smiled a reassuring smile in return. 

'You do not lie Gervais. I would believe you whatever you said. Speak brother.' He said, shaking me slightly.

I looked down. This was hard. How... how do I tell him this? He would never believe me. 

It took time to gather myself, but he didn't rush me. He just squeezed my shoulder.

'I am here for you, Gervais. I am your friend.'

I cast the cup from my hand. Where it landed, I did not care. I saw Percy watch it fly and fall.

'I have done something very bad but ultimately good.' I told him. He nodded as I paused. He could see I was having a lot of difficulty continuing with my words. 

'Go on brother.' Percy said.

'I don't know how to say it.' I told him. Again, I could not hold his eyes, and I was embarrassed as water-filled eyes let loose a tear. 

'You are the bravest man I know, Gervais. You are the most gentlemanly Knight I know. Please continue. I am here to share your woe. I want to.' 

I had wiped the first tear as it made its journey into my beard. Now they flowed, and I let them without care. This man was truly a friend. It's a rare thing. I could share anything with him. 

'I had to save William.' I said.

'What?' Percy said. He was confused. 

'I had to save him. He is the best of us.' Percy's lip curled at this. His eyes left mine for a moment. I could see that he was giving this due consideration. It only took a moment before he looked at me again and smirked.

'Yes, you are right.' He told me with a hint of amusement. 

'He is important in this world.' I told him.

Again, he took a moment of consideration as he digested this statement, and then he laughed briefly again.

'Yes, he is the most worthy Knight I know, but I hasten to add without us... No, that is not true.' This time, his eyes fell from mine as his face showed regret.

'Without you, he would not be the man... beast he has become.' He told me with sadness. 

He looked back at me. This time, my hand rose and grasped his shoulder in reassurance. 

'Not so Percy... We would all be nowhere without you, but Willaim is key to the future.'

He nodded. 

'I had to...save him.' I said with dread. 'But it was at a great personal cost.' I continued. 

Percy looked confused. 

'How so?' He asked. I paused and gathered myself. 

I couldn't hold those eyes, so I sat back on the bench, searching for a bottle with some content. Percy leaned forward and held the searching hand. Pulling on it until I looked at him. 

'How so?' He repeated.

'I need a drink... Percy.'

'How so?' Percy asked again.

'I'm thirsty.' I ridiculously told him.

He smiled and dismissed the statement as silly.

'Tell me what has happened, dam you. Gervais.' I laughed at this. A little too hard. 

He shook his head in slight anger. 

I steeled myself for... 'The devil came to me on the battlements and told me for the promise of my immortal soul that they would get Willaim through this day and bring him back to us.' I blurted out.

I looked away, expecting laughter and him to tease me. 

There was just silence. A time passed, a silent time full of mental noise as he processed what I had told him. 

Eventually, I looked back at him. 

I could see the horror. 

'You believe me?' I asked, a little disbelieving myself.

Percy sat back now, his hands going to the thinning hair on his head.

'Percy!' 

'Percy!'

'Fuck Gervais... Fuck... fuck fuck...Gervais.' He suddenly expelled as he bent forward, burying his head in his knees. 'FUCK!' Then started laughing uncontrollably.

I was a little vexed by this outcome, but... but his laughter was infectious, and I fell into it. We both couldn't stop, and the tears we shed now were not of fear, sadness, or concern but of the ridiculous nature of the idea. 

Managing a moment of control, he reached for a bottle, brought it to his trembling lips and swallowed a goodly draft or six.

'What do you think I do Percy?' I asked him a genuine request. 

He finished his drink and wiped his mouth with his sleeve before looking at me and smiling.

Again, our eyes clashed. Eventually, after a period of awkward energy between us, he shrugged and held the remnants of the bottle to me. 

'Gervais, there is nothing for it, my friend! He said, slapping me on the back with a jovial expression.

'... we drink.'

Luci

There is the moment when you pass through space and time, such as I had done, where you feel a little discombobulated. In my case, I don't think this has anything to do with me but to do with space and time, not liking the rules broken.

Humans created mathematics, physics, and logic to explain the universe. It works... reasonably well most of the time, but it has yet to explain religion, magic, spirituality and the esoteric. 

I love the fact that if scientists cannot explain something, they just ignore it. I think this is actually part of human education. 

If you cannot explain it with evidence, then... well, it is not real. Funny and sad, but bless them. 

Yet deep inside, they all want something to believe in. A comfort that when they die, it's not just a void of none existance. (little knowing laugh)

This means that us... Others can do things that the universe does not like. So it, the universe, makes things difficult and weird for the first few moments of breaking those rules as it attempts to apply mathematics, physics, and logic to make sense of what has just happened. 

I now stood in the courtyard a few moments before the firing of the trebuchet and Williams's launch into the courtyard. 

The travelling through time was the easy bit. All I had to do now was work out how to stop him from going splat. Strange word that. I had never heard of it or used it before, but it suited the idea of a body hitting cobblestones.

The demon Trudure, my little cat secretary, appeared at my ankles and started to weave herself through them, rubbing her lithe little body against them as she purred. 

'What are you going to do, boss?' She asked.

I must admit I had no idea. 

A circus net, maybe? 

A demon catcher?

A... 

Splat went the body of Wil as he smashed into the cobbles.

'Dam it.' I yelled. 

I clicked my fingers and flew back a few minutes in time. This time, giving myself a little longer. 

I stood and thought, holding my hand to my chin. I was actually slightly jogging on the spot with a little too much...

Splat!

I clicked my fingers again and went back. I clicked them again and stopped time. Just myself and the little cat moved.

'Okay, okay.' I told her. I could feel the smugness radiate from the little black beast. 

'What do you think I should do?' I asked her. 

The cat walked a little distance away from me and turned, sitting whilst meeting my gaze.

'Why don't you put the Wolf soul where Wil is so they can... you know... do the thing that they do. The werewolf will probably survive the fall.' She said. 

I considered this idea. Well, it was the only way, I suppose. 

I found the Wolf's soul with my mind and clicked my fingers for a third time. It was now with William in the air. This would have to do. 

I started time. 

Not splat

The werewolf landed perfectly from the air in a long gated run as it reduced the speed it had been given from its launch. 

That run was directly at me, and it managed a bit of a skittering stop. 

The monster was out of breath. It was an impressive thing to see. Massive and black with burning amber eyes. It put most of my demon brethren to shame before it became the man, and the Wolf's soul separated once more. 

The little cat raised a sarcastic, underwhelmed little 'yay' as she cleaned a paw. 

The man, to my surprise, looked at me. Erm, he should not be able to do that, should he? I should be 'the invisible' to him. Hmm.

He looked me up and down. 

'Who the hell are you?' He asked. 

The wolf soul laughed. He knew who I was. We had crossed paths before.

And I suppose 'who the hell' was astonishingly appropriate. 

I was a little taken aback by all of this, so I took a moment to think of a reply.

It was a struggle to talk; at this distance, the glow of Williams's goodness actually blinded me. 

I had to use a hand to shade my eyes. Gervais's sacrifice made sense now. 

Hmm! The word sacrifice stood out to me in that sentence. I did not know why at this point. 

'This William is the Devil, Beelzebub, Lord of Flies, Satan.' Fenrir told William.

I looked at the soul with a little distaste. 

'I prefer Luci-fer myself, but yes, those are my other names.' I told the man, smiling at him. 

'And that means something terrible is or has happened. That's always the case if she is here.' The Wolf told the man. 

I really wanted to stick my tongue out at the Wolf to show my displeasure but thought better of it for professionalitiessake.

William briefly looked at him. He nodded and then looked back at me. He fell back into some powerful stance, onlymade a bit silly because of his nakedness.

'Satan! I objurgate you and send you back to hell!.' He announced loudly.

My secretary, who had cleaned both her forepaws by now, looked up at the man. She was obviously finding this interesting and slightly amusing.

'No, no, do not cast me back unto the pit from which I came!' I yelled, doing a great act of qualing back from him. Once the point was made that I was going nowhere, I laughed at the naked Knight before taking a bow. 

'Satan! I objurgate you and send you back to hell!.' He repeated, but this time with less volition.

I smiled again and looked myself up and down. 

'Not today, I'm afraid.' I told him with resignation.

The Knight, a little crestfallen, stood from his dramatic pose into a pose of well-unposiness. He just stood. 

'I am sorry that did not work, but nice try.' I told him. 

'Honestly, it was very impressive the pose, and I could genuinely feel your intention, but... well, as you see, it doesn't really work all that... exorcism stuff.'

'Not on me, that is. Demons, maybe?' I said, looking at the little green-eyed demon, who nodded her head for clarification.

'You see, that would have worked on a demon, but you see... I'm a little bit more... Yes, that's the best way to say it. I am more.' I told the man, whose mouth hung open in disbelief.

'So what is it you want from me for this day's work, woman.' The Knight asked.

The invisible wolf soul sucked his teeth at this. It was an impressive sound, due to all the teeth, and a sound that told William that he may have asked the wrong thing.

'I want nothing from you.' I told him. 

'But you are the devil. The scriptures say you always strike a bargain. A bargain that is usually based on a man's soul.' William said.

'I do take women's souls as well, you know...' I started then had to remember the century I was in. 

'Anyway, anyway. I don't want your soul. Another will pay the debt for today.' 

William looked confused. He paused and looked at the wolf soul next to him, who 'wolf' shrugged.

'You have a soul?' The man asked.

'Yes, the deal is done. All paid upfront. Great interaction... not normally as easily given, to be honest.'

'By whom?' William asked. 

'Your friend Gervais paid the price', I told him.

Williams's face fell, as did his posture. 

'Gervais?' I think this was a question, so I answered.

'Yes.'

'Dam that man.' Was the response.

I nodded. 'Yes, exactly.'