Do you find yourself getting stressed about your dog's behavior? Like maybe your dog is really reactive to anything with wheels? I actually get that a lot when I ask people what challenge they're dealing with with their dog. And oftentimes people say, you know, my dog is like so easily triggered. You know, she just goes off when a skateboard goes by,
or a bicycle, or even a stroller, like anything with wheels, especially if it's moving fast, you know, past them. So I do hear this a lot. It's not just about things with wheels, sometimes it's other dogs, sometimes it's car, you know, could be anything that upsets your dog. And today what I'd like to talk about is the role that you play in that situation.
And how by managing your own responses, your own reactivity, we could say you can take a huge step in helping your dog. So in case we're meeting for the first time, my name is Mary Debono and this is the Easier Movement, happier Dog's podcast. So let's again start with that situation where you're out with your dog, you're walking your dog,
and you know that your dog tends to have not such a good reaction to, let's just go with the wheeled objects. So skateboards, bicycles, et cetera, right? And nowadays, like so many people are riding bikes, which is great, or e-bikes and skateboards and scooters, things like that. But they can be challenging for a lot of dogs.
So the first thing I would encourage you to do is really think about your own reactions. 'cause this is another comment that I get a lot is people say, now it's stressing me out. And sometimes when we don't even realize what, that we are stressed, we are stressed, and our dog is also feeding off of that. So it's this vicious cycle that happens,
you know, like a downward spiral. Both you and your dog are getting more stressed, and therefore more what people call reactive to whatever situation is the the issue. So the first thing I would encourage you to do is do this when you're not in that situation. Maybe when you're not even with your dog, you're just somewhere you're in your living room,
for example. And just ask yourself, how do you know when you're stressed? Now, that may sound like a silly thing to say, right? Of course. Well, I, well, I know I'm stressed, but what are the physical manifestations of stress for you? How do you embody anxiety and stress? Maybe it has to do with your breathing.
Maybe you tend certain muscles. And a lot of this is so habitual and so almost normal or familiar that we don't even recognize it. So it's really important to start to have that self-awareness, build that self-awareness. So you do know when you're starting to get anxious and that you can develop tools to change your state. Okay, so again, how would you know you're anxious?
And maybe right now if you're in a place, you know, that you can focus on this. Just make sure you're safe. Ask yourself, you know, again, how do you create anxiety? And then do it, do it like feel anxious, feel anxious. What does that feel like to you? And this is really helpful. You know,
I found myself, like there were times I was getting anxious and I would just like wake up in the, the middle of the night, or usually early morning and have that feeling of anxiety. And may I have to do with a hormonal change as well. But still, it was, it was unsettling. And I just got really curious about it.
And I started thinking, ah, instead of judging it as if it was this bad thing. Because when you, when you do that and you think, why am I so anxious? And it just perpetuates, right? You actually just make it a lot worse when you do that. But I found if I could just stay with that feeling and be really curious about it,
kind of when it just, it, it would like slink away, if you will. Like, it would just dissipate because I took the power away from it. Instead of this being this most horrific thing, this feeling of anxiety, it was like, wow, okay, that's how I'm doing that. And I embraced what I call compassionate curiosity. That means curiosity without the judgment.
So you're not judging yourself or anything else for that matter. So, you know, really think about, you know, when you, when you say that you're stressed, when you're say that you're anxious, what does that feel like for yourself? How do you embody that and get really curious about it and be like, huh, well that's interesting. And you'll find that it won't be so powerful,
it won't be so self perpetuating because now you've taken the, the air out of the balloon, so to speak, and you know, it doesn't have that power over you. And, you know, it could be helpful too, to ask, what is this trying to teach me? What is this feeling of anxiety trying to do for me? How is it trying to keep me safe?
You know? And you can get some really good information from that. So if you just sit with it for a while, it can be so, so helpful. Okay? Another thing to do is to use breathing to change your state. So purposely breathe in a way that's more relaxed. You can do something like breathing in through your nose for a count of four,
holding the breath, like taking a really long pause, and then exhale for a count of six. So you can do that. You can start to, to change the way you're breathing, which will change your physiology and help you come out of that anxious state. Okay? And another thing you could do is really pay attention to the tension in your body.
Like, think about maybe my, my shoulders are tense, maybe my neck, you know, maybe my hands, you, you realize you're, you're gripping with your hands. So it can be nice to actually go through from top to bottom. And sometimes what we have to do is actually first purposely tense those muscles and then really let them go. So just do what's comfortable,
of course. But that could be a nice thing to do is to do kind of like a body scan and work either from the feet up, the head down, whatever feels right to you, and start to really be in tune with your physical sensations and have more control over your physical sensations. Okay? So the reason we're doing this, again, away from your dog,
away from any of those challenging situations, is so that you can, you can develop the skill to handle yourself, to have the resources when you are in a more challenging real world situation. So it's important to do this in a, in an environment that you're basically managing. So again, maybe the quiet of your living room or kitchen or bedroom where you can just focus on these things,
okay? Without, without the added stress of the challenge. Okay? Another thing to do now is like, when you think of a situation that you wish you handled differently with your dog, like, you know, maybe it was one of those things where again, maybe someone came by on a bike and your dog reacted, you know, barked and lunged or coward,
or did something else that, you know, wasn't ideal from your point of view. You know, instead of being like, oh my gosh, I hope no bicycles come by. Can you start to reframe that and think about, wow, every time there's a challenge like that, it's another opportunity for me to get better as a dog trainer for me to help support my dog in a new way.
So really changing your perspective on it can be huge because that'll take you out of that reactive state and put you more in control of the situation, okay? So really start to, you know, re review or re, you know, think about those situations that you know, were a little challenging for you and your dog, and think of them like,
oh, wow, that was actually a really great opportunity and now was a great opportunity for me to learn, even if I messed up. Now I can learn from that. I don't have to beat myself up over it or judge my dog in a negative way either, right? So have that compassion for yourself and for your dog. Okay? But the reframe can be very helpful,
okay? Looking at it as an opportunity rather than, oh my gosh, this thing is terrible and it's disrupting my walk and my dog's walk. But think of it more as an opportunity, okay? But with that said, it's also very important to manage your environment for your dog and yourself as much as possible as you're both learning. Okay? So,
you know, you want to make sure that you're not over facing your dog or yourself. So for example, if you are walking in your neighborhood and your neighborhood has a lot of wheeled people that go by, okay? Whether they're on scooters or bicycles or motorcycles or whatever they're on, you know, skateboards, maybe that's not the best place to walk your dog right now,
okay? Until your dog has more resources, until she has more learning under her belt so that she can handle that, and you can handle that situation. So it might, it might be worthwhile, you know, taking your dog in the car and going to a quiet park or somewhere where, you know, maybe somewhere you know, more out in nature where you're not going to be getting all of those challenging situations.
So it really, really is important to manage the environment. It's also really important to have a plan. Now, I'm a big proponent of positive reinforcement training, and I've helped quite a number of dogs get over a lot of these situations where they were fearful of something. So there's many ways to do that. This episode is not about that. It's about managing your stress around the situation.
But it's important, this is part of, of managing your stress, is to have a plan. It's not just a hope that no one on a motorcycle or a skateboard comes by, but to have a plan, number one, try to manage your environment as much as you reasonably can. Okay? So again, that may mean walking your dog somewhere else,
okay? Or a different time of day. So you may have to make changes to that. And then having a plan, practicing. So, so you and your dog can practice the positive reinforcement process outside of a challenging situation. And then gradually introduce challenges. Okay? And again, this isn't the podcast that's going to go step by step through that.
If you need resources around that, you can email me, Mary at mary Debono dot com, and I can hook you up. But in the meantime, you know, practice your positive reinforcement, changing your, your counterconditioning to wheeled objects. So practice that in a lower stakes environment, okay? And then gradually increase the, the, the, the stakes,
if you will, the situation. But, you know, keep yourself and your dog under threshold, okay? Don't over face yourself or your dog. Okay? So the other thing that's really, really helpful to do is to visualize it first. So you know the process. You know what you'll do if someone on a skateboard comes by right? Now,
practice that in your mind. Like, really bring in all the senses. Make it as real as possible. Practice what you'll do in that situation. How you'll best support your dog, how you'll help teach your dog that this isn't something to be afraid of. And how you can practice more compassion, more, give your dog and yourself more grace, but have a plan and then practice it in your mind.
Really visualize it, you know, like, and not just visual, you know, bring in all the senses. So really imagine it fully, okay? That is very, very helpful. And give yourself the resources you need, right? So act as you are like the most amazing dog trainer, you have tremendous amount of ability, right? And you have that feel for your dog.
And of course, you know, you have that love and connection for your dog. So, you know, give yourself the resources as you imagine this and really play it out. Maybe play out different scenarios, different situations that could come up. Practice it so that your nervous system is getting prepared for how you will react in the real world if that situation were to happen.
Okay? So now, now let's just say you are going out in the real world right now. You're actually walking your dog again, you're gonna choose the environment, the time of day, all of that to best support your dog. And then for you, it's really important to stay grounded to, again, not spiral out of control, that you're worried about something coming,
but to start to really pay attention to your surroundings in a softer way, a way that you're kind of just inviting your, the, the data, if you will, to come in through your senses. You have soft eyes, your eyes aren't hard. And staring that actually by doing, by having that hard stare, you can increase your stress and your dog will feel this.
But have like your eyes kind of open, like have more peripheral vision so that you're inviting things to come into your visual feel in a soft, gentle way. You're just taking it all in. You're noticing how your feet are making contact with the ground, right? You are noticing how your hands feel, how you're breathing, how your back feels, how your shoulders feel,
all those things. So, so connect with your senses, right? To stay grounded, to stay present, okay? This is what's going to help you and very importantly, help your dog. Okay? So stay present and again, have this sense of self-compassion and of course compassion for your dog. The other thing that I find really, really helpful for people is to embrace this state of gratitude.
And you did that a bit when you were reframing the situation and you were saying that it's a training opportunity rather than this terrible thing, right? That's, that's something to be thankful for. Oh, I have another opportunity to get better at this, to help myself and my dog deal with this. So you start to have that state of gratitude, of appreciation,
and it changes you physiologically, it puts you in a higher performing state, lowers your stress, lowers your anxiety. So it's really important to think about these things. So remember that you get to share this journey with your dog, right? You get to have these experiences together and let your dog know that that's, that's important to you. Like having that state of gratitude.
Dogs are really sensitive to this. Animals in general are really sensitive to the energy of appreciation. And you know what, feel it from your dog as well, because your dog is grateful to have you by their side as well. So just, let's just do a quick review, okay? So to help control your stress, your anxiety, think about having some more awareness of how you embody anxiety.
Ask yourself, how do I know when I'm anxious? And how can I create an anxious state right now? How can I be anxious? And then do it so that you start to have control over the process. It's not something that just happens to you out of the blue, but you can start to control it. This is really important. And don't forget about breathing.
Maybe you wanna breathe in a way that you inhale through your nose through first, say maybe a count of four, hold it for maybe a count of seven, and then exhale for a count of six or eight. Some people like the 4, 7, 8 routine, just depends. But it is nice to have the exhalation longer than the inhalation because that tends to quiet and calm our nervous system,
okay? Think about having soft eyes taking in more in your peripheral vision, kind of like inviting the world in through your senses, okay? And then think about how you know these, so-called challenges that we face with our dogs and ourselves are opportunities for us to be better, to improve ourselves and to help support our dogs in the best possible way. So they're wonderful opportunities for us,
right? That will put you more in a state of gratitude and allow you to be more resourceful, right? Being in that state, looking at it as an opportunity will allow you to have more resources. You'll be more resourceful, you'll be able to think faster and better, and you have more control of your body as well. Okay? So really important.
And then make sure you have a plan for your dog to, to help your dog. So get resources that that can teach you step by step through positive reinforcement training, how you can change your dog's association to scary things, okay? And have them be something that predicts good things, becomes a predictor of really good things happening, okay? So it totally changes it.
And then again, manage your environment as much as possible. Okay? It's super important too. And again, with with the sense of compassion to yourself and others, slowly bring in more challenging situations as you and your dog are ready for them, okay? But again, it's so important that we really take time to practice controlling our own emotional state and Our physical state so we can be the best partner for our dog.
Okay? I hope this was helpful for you. I get a lot of requests about this, so take it, play with it, and let me know what you're dealing with and maybe I'll be able to do a podcast episode for you as well. So thank you so much for joining me here. I so appreciate you and I enjoy sharing this work with you.
Look forward to talking to you soon. Bye for now.