Words

English is an interesting language.  We have many words that sound the same, and some are even spelled the same, yet they mean totally different things.  In order to be able to effectively interact verbally and in writing, it’s important to understand words and the power they have to communicate feelings and thoughts.  When you can do this well, people will always understand and be receptive to what you’re saying, and when you don’t, there can be confusion and pushback.  In today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod we talk about the power of words.



We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. 

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Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

E116 words
[00:00:00] Shannon: Welcome to Your Personal Power Pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.
[00:00:20] Sandy: Shannon, how are you today? 
[00:00:22] Shannon: Hey, Sandy. I am great. Today? I am really wishing that my grandmother, your mother, were here to do this podcast with us because this topic, words and language, is right up her alley. 
[00:00:35] Sandy: Absolutely. She was very focused on making sure that we spoke correctly and we used the right words for the right situation.
[00:00:46] Sandy: I really, really appreciate that about her because she's made it so that I can speak relatively well. And it's pretty impressive. You also speak beautifully. 
[00:00:59] Shannon: Well, [00:01:00] thank you. I love words. I love language. I love playing with both. I also break a lot of rules. I think that's just kind of The way humans are, we have a whole lot of contradictions in ourselves.
[00:01:13] Shannon: And I know that there are some things that I speak incorrectly about, and I just expect people to get it. And then it's no surprise when they don't. Today, we're talking about words and how choosing the right ones makes a big difference. 
[00:01:27] Sandy: Exactly. English is a very interesting language. We're talking about English today.
[00:01:32] Sandy: We have many words that sound the same, but mean something different or things that are. bell differently, but sound the same. And in order to be effective when you speak or in your writing, it's important to understand the words and the power they have to communicate your feelings and thoughts. When you do this well, people will always understand and be receptive to what you're saying.
[00:01:56] Sandy: When you don't, it can be really confusing and you might get [00:02:00] pushback that you didn't expect because your message was a positive one, but it might be taken as negative for some reason. 
[00:02:07] Shannon: I think when you speak or write clearly, people are more likely to understand you. I don't think you can guarantee that if you phrase things the right way, people will understand you.
[00:02:18] Sandy: Yes, more likely is a better phrase. See, there's an example right there of words. 
[00:02:26] Shannon: One of the points that we actually have not scripted to talk about today is using words like always and never. Just don't, because they're probably not true. They're extremes, and life isn't necessarily black or white. Choose words or phrases like more likely or less likely instead of always and never.
[00:02:47] Sandy: Yes. That is true in most situations, although I will always love you. 
[00:02:52] Shannon: Awww. So, 
[00:02:54] Sandy: there. 
[00:02:55] Shannon: Touché. 
[00:02:56] Sandy: And I will never let anybody hurt you, so. [00:03:00] 
[00:03:01] Shannon: Okay, that's fair. See 
[00:03:03] Sandy: folks, there we go. Words. are amazing. 
[00:03:07] Shannon: There's always an exception to the rule. 
[00:03:09] Sandy: That is true. 
[00:03:11] Shannon: Okay, so today we're going to talk about some of the words and phrases that you might be using, hoping to get one reaction, but not, and maybe helping you understand why that is.
[00:03:22] Sandy: Exactly. We're going to start off with a real common one. If you care about somebody and they are struggling with something, small or large, and you offer to help, they will probably refuse it because they will interpret that you think they are not capable or competent and people don't want help, which is interesting.
[00:03:44] Sandy: But they really like support, which can be the same thing. If you say to somebody, how can I help you? They'll go, Oh, I'm fine. No problem. It's all good. Even when it's not. But you say, how can I support you? They'll go, Oh, well, it would be cool if, if this happened or if that [00:04:00] happened, or if you did this. And it's really interesting.
[00:04:02] Sandy: Just. Shifting from helping to supporting can make a totally different outcome. 
[00:04:07] Shannon: I think we do want help. I think we just don't want to be seen as needing help. 
[00:04:12] Sandy: Exactly. Support applies more collaboration. Yes. Like you're doing it together, where if you just help somebody, it means they can't do it and you're gonna do it.
[00:04:22] Sandy: Choose your words. If you want to support somebody, let them know that's what you want to do. 
[00:04:27] Shannon: Yes, and there are other ways to say this too, like, I can be an additional hand, or what can I take care of so you can focus on what you're doing, that kind of thing. Yes. There are other ways to say it. 
[00:04:39] Sandy: Using the word help, you're going to get shut down.
[00:04:41] Sandy: Yes. And then they will be floundering doing whatever they're doing by themselves. 
[00:04:46] Shannon: Yes. 
[00:04:46] Sandy: So it's just one of those words that it's important to understand how it's going to be perceived. Another one is saying why. When somebody says, why, at least to me, I instantly feel put on the spot and [00:05:00] I get defensive.
[00:05:00] Shannon: Like they're questioning your interpretation or your take on something. 
[00:05:05] Sandy: Yeah, yeah, or my ability, or why did you do that? Instant defensiveness. Walls go up. It's just not fun. But if you say, tell me about, that's a whole different thing. 
[00:05:17] Shannon: What do you think about that? Or what were you thinking? There are ways to come across less confrontational because that's probably not what you mean.
[00:05:25] Shannon: You're probably not intending to put somebody on the spot. 
[00:05:28] Sandy: Yeah. And if you put them on the spot, they're going to shut down. You won't get what you want to find out anyway. If you say, tell me about, or can you explain it, it just comes across like you're interested instead of judging. Why is a judging word, because you don't mean it that way, and you may not be aware that it's coming across that way.
[00:05:48] Shannon: You say that to me a lot. Tell me more about that. 
[00:05:51] Sandy: Yeah, because I want to know more about it, but I don't want to say, why did you do that? Or, why are you thinking that? Because it feels totally [00:06:00] different. 
[00:06:00] Shannon: Mm hmm. It does. 
[00:06:01] Sandy: And I'm not attacking and I'm not judging. I really want to know just the thought processes and what's going on.
[00:06:07] Shannon: And I think that's part of it too is genuinely being interested. We've talked about that in our active listening episode. Being genuinely interested will come across in your language. We've all been talking to somebody who really didn't give a rip what we had to say and it is so apparent in the words they use.
[00:06:24] Sandy: Yeah. So if you really care, pay attention to how you put your words together and what words you use. And of course, with all of this, your tone of voice and your facial expression and all that nonverbal stuff makes a huge difference. 
[00:06:37] Shannon: Yes. 
[00:06:38] Sandy: Nonverbal is part of communication. It's huge. And you can communicate a whole lot by not even saying anything.
[00:06:45] Sandy: Be aware of that when you're using words. 
[00:06:47] Shannon: And another one, this is more, I feel, about conversation you have with yourself, the way you're phrasing what you're thinking and feeling about the things that you're doing, using the phrase have to or get to. [00:07:00] When you say, I have to go to work today, you're sounding like it's a chore, or you might be feeling resentful about it.
[00:07:07] Shannon: But when you rephrase it as I get to, you've just changed the entire tone to not only one minute, that's. positive, but one that implies you're making a choice, which is true. I could choose not to go to work tomorrow. There would be consequences, but I could choose it. So even if I'm not looking forward to going, understanding that it is a choice I'm making for probably some really good reasons is really helpful.
[00:07:31] Sandy: Right. You're going to believe what you tell yourself, and if you go, oh, I have to do this, it's like, oh, it's a pain, it's a chore, it's a burden, I don't want to do it. If I get to do it, whole different deal. Be sure you pay attention to how you talk to yourself. And do you have to do things or do you get to do them?
[00:07:52] Sandy: Yes. And another one is along that line. Instead of saying, I will try, like Yoda said, [00:08:00] do or don't do, there is no try. But if you say, I will try, it kind of means that you're probably not going to get whatever it is done. 
[00:08:08] Shannon: You've given yourself an out. 
[00:08:10] Sandy: Exactly. And if you're saying that to somebody else, they're gonna go, oh, yeah, right.
[00:08:13] Sandy: They're gonna try. Well, I can't count on that. But if you say, I will, you're letting them know that you're making a commitment and it's going to happen. 
[00:08:21] Shannon: Yeah, this is about deciding. 
[00:08:22] Sandy: Yes. 
[00:08:23] Shannon: If you get up in the morning and you say, I'm going to try to have a good day today. You've just told yourself you're not going to have a good day today.
[00:08:29] Sandy: Exactly. 
[00:08:30] Shannon: If you get up in the morning and say, I'm going to have a good day today. Yeah. Chances are pretty good you will. 
[00:08:36] Sandy: There's such a different feel 
[00:08:38] Shannon: in 
[00:08:38] Sandy: those two phrases. And a lot of people use try instead of will without even being aware of it. Yes. You will believe whatever you say to yourself and other people will believe what you say.
[00:08:49] Sandy: Be aware. Are you trying or are you doing? Remember Yoda, there is no try. I love that. And then we're talking about [00:09:00] filler words. The next thing is filler words. Oh, they drive me crazy. So many people who are professional speakers or are supposed to understand language, they start sentences by saying honestly or to be honest.
[00:09:14] Sandy: And I really don't need that. I'm assuming that they're honest. And that's just a filler. I don't know why we need to do that. 
[00:09:22] Shannon: It feels like the phrase, to be honest, implies I'm about to let you in on a little secret or a confession or something that maybe I shouldn't say otherwise. And if that's the case, maybe don't say it.
[00:09:38] Shannon: Yeah, right. I mean, usually I feel like this comes in front of judgmental comments about someone else. Or controversial opinions. If you're gonna say it, own it. Like I'm not advocating that you don't say things you want to say. I'm just saying, be upfront about it. 
[00:09:58] Sandy: Other words which I [00:10:00] just used, like actually and literally.
[00:10:02] Sandy: It's just a filler and it doesn't mean anything. They both mean something. 
[00:10:07] Shannon: But people use it Incorrectly. 
[00:10:10] Sandy: Yes. If you 
[00:10:11] Shannon: say, I am literally dying. Well, then maybe we should get you to the ER. Let's use it appropriately and not just as some kind of emphasis. 
[00:10:24] Sandy: Yes. Important to choose what words you use and when you use them.
[00:10:28] Sandy: If you want people to listen to you and appreciate and respect what you're saying, you have to be able to put your words together without a lot of extra fillers. 
[00:10:40] Shannon: Again, we go back to the way you speak to yourself. Let's phrase things in a positive context instead of a negative context. If you want to remember something, say, remember this instead of don't forget this.
[00:10:55] Shannon: Your brain doesn't understand negatives. Your brain will hear the [00:11:00] verb. The verb is forget. 
[00:11:02] Sandy: Exactly. Like if you're telling your child you want them to stay out of the street. Avoid saying, don't go in the street, because what the child might hear is go in the street. 
[00:11:12] Shannon: Right. 
[00:11:12] Sandy: Say, stay on the sidewalk. Focus on saying what you want, not what you don't want.
[00:11:17] Shannon: You want a specific thing. Everything else other than that thing is something you don't want. Focus on the thing you do want and phrase it that way, whether you're talking to yourself or you're talking to someone else. 
[00:11:30] Sandy: In recent years, we've had to wear masks and things, and now grocery stores want us to bring our own bags, and there's signs all over the place saying, don't forget your mask, don't forget your bag.
[00:11:42] Sandy: That's telling me to forget my mask and bag. Yes. Those signs should be saying, remember your mask. Remember your bag. 
[00:11:50] Shannon: Yes. 
[00:11:51] Sandy: I think if they want to make a bigger impression and have more people do what they want, it would be good for them to start saying remember [00:12:00] instead of don't forget. 
[00:12:01] Shannon: Or better yet, I mean, remember implies that there's the possibility to forget.
[00:12:04] Shannon: Yeah. So maybe just say, bring your mask. Bring your bag. 
[00:12:07] Sandy: Yes. Say what you want. 
[00:12:09] Shannon: Right. 
[00:12:10] Sandy: I like that. And then one of my pet peeves is when I see somebody and say, Hey, how are you doing? And they go, I'm fine. 
[00:12:19] Shannon: It's frustrating for the person listening because it doesn't tell you what you really want to know, which is like, now I know there's something going on with you.
[00:12:27] Sandy: Exactly. 
[00:12:27] Shannon: What's going on? 
[00:12:28] Sandy: Yeah, if somebody says I'm fine, it's a red flag to me. Hmm, that doesn't sound fine. Tell me what's, what's happening. 
[00:12:38] Shannon: I think some people say this wanting it to alert you. Yes. And then wanting you to be like, Oh, what's wrong? What can I do? Which is just manipulation. Yeah. I would rather be in relationships where I don't have to guess because I'm not going to make you guess.
[00:12:51] Shannon: I'm going to be really clear. And if you don't like that, then maybe we are not for each other. 
[00:12:57] Sandy: Exactly. Yes. But I mean, I expect 
[00:12:59] Shannon: that [00:13:00] from the people that I hang out with too. You know, tell me what's going on with you. I wouldn't hang out with you if I didn't care about you. And if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine too.
[00:13:07] Shannon: And this all goes back to boundaries. Like everything is so intertwined. It is. 
[00:13:12] Sandy: Well, we're human beings and it's all connected. Everything's connected. And then there's just the filler words like, like, like, yes, when you are saying a sentence and in the middle of it for absolutely no reason you throw in, you know, or kinda, or the ums and the uhs.
[00:13:30] Sandy: They are distracting for people trying to listen to you, make it difficult for you to follow the point of somebody else when they're talking because if they keep saying you know and like and those words, they're fillers that mean absolutely nothing the way they're being used. 
[00:13:47] Shannon: I think this comes into play differently depending on who you're talking to.
[00:13:51] Shannon: If you're speaking to a room full of people. Ending sentences with, you know, detracts from your credibility, makes you seem [00:14:00] less an authority on whatever it is you're speaking about. If you're talking with your friends, I feel like this is a way of asking, are you with me? Are we on the same page? Are you following what I'm saying?
[00:14:11] Sandy: So I 
[00:14:11] Shannon: think it really depends on who your audience is. 
[00:14:14] Sandy: It's always about the circumstance. It's just something to be aware of when you use it and how you use it. 
[00:14:21] Shannon: Yes. 
[00:14:22] Sandy: And how you're going to be perceived when you do that. And how you want to be perceived. Do you care? 
[00:14:27] Shannon: Right. Do you want to be seen as an authority who knows their subject matter?
[00:14:30] Shannon: Or do you really care that you come across like you're not prepared and you don't know what you're talking about? Do you want to be invited back? 
[00:14:39] Sandy: Yes, exactly. Or respected for what you're sharing. 
[00:14:43] Shannon: I used to be a speech coach for high school seniors who were preparing to give their senior project presentations.
[00:14:51] Sandy: Oh, that's right. Yeah. 
[00:14:52] Shannon: There's a lot of use of words like um and like and uh, U H, uh, you know, uh. And [00:15:00] it really came down to people in general being afraid of silence. And so when they're in front of a crowd and they get lost or their thoughts aren't coming to them as clearly as they want them to be, that silence terrifies them.
[00:15:15] Shannon: So they fill it with something. I can remember being in presentations given by authority figures on whatever the topic is, who come across a moment like that where they need a second to get situated and find their Who just stand there and take a beat and look at their notes and say nothing? And it is extremely powerful and 
[00:15:38] Sandy: shows amazing self control.
[00:15:40] Sandy: Right. And it makes you eager to hear what they're going to say next. 
[00:15:43] Shannon: It does. It brings the audience closer to you. 
[00:15:47] Sandy: Exactly. 
[00:15:48] Shannon: So get rid of them and just claim your power. Own it if you get lost. Just do it. It's going to seem like an eon, but it's probably going to be [00:16:00] one or two seconds. Everybody will hang on that silence and wait for the next thing you say.
[00:16:06] Sandy: Yes, that is very true. Very true. Then one that irritates me a lot is ending sentences with at. Where you at? What? No. Where are 
[00:16:16] Shannon: you? The sentence works perfectly without it. Where's it at? Well, where is it? Where 
[00:16:21] Sandy: is it? Where is it? That's all. 
[00:16:22] Shannon: It sounds very tacky. 
[00:16:25] Sandy: Yes. And it's an unnecessary word. There. It's a good word.
[00:16:29] Sandy: There are places where at fits just fine, but not at the end of a sentence. 
[00:16:34] Shannon: Yes. I think this is a regional thing too. Really? I do. When I lived in the South, just the way people in some of the communities I was in lends itself to that. It doesn't seem to be as common in other parts of the country I've lived in.
[00:16:52] Shannon: I may be totally misreading that, but it seems to be generally accepted in certain places and not so much more so in [00:17:00] others. Just know that if you're speaking in a room full of people, ending a sentence with a prepositional phrase is jarring and is just grammatically incorrect. 
[00:17:11] Sandy: Although you do have a very good point that different regions have different speech patterns.
[00:17:16] Shannon: Yes. 
[00:17:17] Sandy: So that has to be taken into account, depending on where you are and how other people are going to perceive you, depending on how they perceive you. Speak. 
[00:17:25] Shannon: Mm hmm. 
[00:17:25] Sandy: So much to be aware of. 
[00:17:27] Shannon: Yes, so much. 
[00:17:29] Sandy: Yeah. My preference is when you are emailing or texting, it's really easy for people to be confused and not really get your full message.
[00:17:40] Sandy: So, if you can, find a way to talk in person. That way you can actually hear, see, and I'm saying actually because I mean actually, hear each other and get the tone of voice or see the facial expressions and that will help a lot in how your words are perceived and [00:18:00] received. 
[00:18:00] Shannon: I think you're going to run up against generational pushback on this one.
[00:18:04] Sandy: I know.
[00:18:08] Shannon: And I have a theory about that. 
[00:18:09] Sandy: What, what is your theory? 
[00:18:10] Shannon: Well, first, I called a gentleman for work the other day who had left us a voice message. So I returned his call and got his voicemail. His outgoing voice message said, if you can text me about this, please do. I think it's because generationally, those of us who did not grow up connected with phones and internet and 8, 000 media outlets.
[00:18:36] Shannon: We had more time, we were less bombarded with information, everything was not so much in our face all the time. 
[00:18:43] Sandy: That is true. We were also actually humanly connected to each other. 
[00:18:48] Shannon: Yes. I 
[00:18:48] Sandy: said actually again. 
[00:18:49] Shannon: I'm going to have to 
[00:18:50] Sandy: work on that. 
[00:18:51] Shannon: Yes. 
[00:18:54] Sandy: But we were more connected to each other on a personal kind of basis.
[00:18:59] Shannon: [00:19:00] Yes. 
[00:19:00] Sandy: With a text, you can't tell what somebody's feeling, what they're thinking, what's going on with them. And there really isn't a lot of human connection, it's just an exchange of information. And I guess that gentleman just wants information. 
[00:19:12] Shannon: And I think sometimes he's correct. If I'm in a meeting, and I get a voicemail.
[00:19:18] Shannon: I can't listen to it because I'm in a meeting and so I'm going to worry if you call me and leave me a message and I know that I'm going to be in this meeting for the next three hours and I want to make sure my parents are fine. It's supremely frustrating. 
[00:19:32] Sandy: Yes. 
[00:19:33] Shannon: So if you had just texted, Hey, I left a 10 cent surprise at your front door.
[00:19:38] Shannon: which is a thing we do, then I wouldn't spend the next three hours worrying. So I totally understand. It's a boundary. It's like, if it's not important, please just text me. If by the way, you're saying your dad's in the hospital or I need. to talk to you immediately. Your house is on fire. Don't leave me a voicemail.[00:20:00] 
[00:20:00] Shannon: Right. Text me. I need it now. So I totally understand why there's this divide between people who want to talk face to face or one on one and people who want texts. Now that we can reach each other 24 hours a day, no matter where we are, for the most part, voicemails can get really irritating and frustrating, and they take a lot of time.
[00:20:21] Sandy: That's true. 
[00:20:22] Shannon: If you're saying, Hey, I want a divorce. Maybe waiting until you can talk face to face is important. So 
[00:20:30] Sandy: it's about the topic. 
[00:20:31] Shannon: It's about the topic and it's about the response you need. Does it need to come through now? 
[00:20:36] Sandy: Right. 
[00:20:36] Shannon: Yeah, I think it's about respecting people's time and. Understanding that if I just leave a voicemail and they are unable to get it right now, is this going to cause unnecessary stress?
[00:20:47] Sandy: The important thing is to be aware of who it is you're trying to communicate with, how they like to do that, what the circumstances are, and put that all together and make sure that you do it appropriately. Mm [00:21:00] hmm. The bottom line is, if you want to sound like you know what you're saying and have people hear what you're intending for them to hear, it's important to pay attention to the words you use and how to use them.
[00:21:11] Sandy: That's all. 
[00:21:13] Shannon: That's all. It's just a little thing. 
[00:21:16] Sandy: Just, just pay attention to how you speak and how it's probably coming across. And do you think the people you're talking to or sharing with are going to be receiving the message you want to have sent? 
[00:21:30] Shannon: And then understand that communication can go haywire in so many ways.
[00:21:37] Shannon: One of the things I remember from my college courses on interpersonal communication is how many people are actually involved in any face to face conversation between two people. And it's six people. It's who I am, who I think I am. And who you think I am, and then who you are, who you think you are and who I think you are.
[00:21:59] Shannon: And you can even go [00:22:00] deeper who I think you think you are, you know, really convoluted really quickly. Well, and then you start looking at the lenses, we hear things through and all the trauma that we bring to our daily lives and how that affects the way we receive messages. And. Doesn't it just make sense to make your message as clear as possible from the get go?
[00:22:24] Shannon: Because it's gonna get muddied up somewhere. 
[00:22:26] Sandy: As clear and as simple. 
[00:22:28] Shannon: Yes. 
[00:22:28] Sandy: So that is actually, see, I said it again. Wow, I really have to work on 
[00:22:33] Shannon: that. 
[00:22:34] Sandy: That is what this whole episode is about. Paying attention to how you communicate, what words you choose, how you think, and how somebody else will receive them, and working with that.
[00:22:48] Shannon: And it, as with so much of what we talk about, is just a practice. 
[00:22:53] Sandy: Yes, yes. 
[00:22:55] Shannon: Do the best you can, learn and grow and evolve. And if you feel like stringing some words [00:23:00] together, send them to us. 
[00:23:01] Sandy: Yes, we would love to hear from you. 
[00:23:03] Shannon: Yeah, we love your stories. So, tell us what's going on for you. Tell us how you claimed your personal power and how that changed your life.
[00:23:10] Shannon: If you would like us to talk about anything in particular, please send us your ideas for future topics. And if you want to string some words together and review our podcast and you can do that wherever you stream, or you can just talk to us directly by visiting your personal power pod dot com, clicking contact and dropping us an email.
[00:23:29] Shannon: You can also visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel and share it with your friends and family. And if you want to learn about coaching and how it can change your life, get in touch with Sandy at sandy at insidejobscoach. com. Until next time, we look forward to hearing from you and find your power and change your life.