Episode 141 - Do You Give Back?

If you have food, clothing, shelter, safety, security, and a few comforts, then there’s a lot for you to be grateful about, because for many people, these are things they hope and dream about, but don’t have.

If you’re lucky enough to be safe and secure, it’s important for you to appreciate that by giving back to people who aren’t as fortunate as you are.

When you give back you use your time, skills, resources, or voice to help others and strengthen your community. It can be as simple as appreciating the store clerk, volunteering at a local shelter, tutoring a student, donating to a cause, checking in on a neighbor, or standing up for people who are treated unfairly. Giving back is about finding the positive and sharing what you have with others, because we are all connected and this is how you build and support yourself and your community.

We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. 

We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. 

You can also find us on Instagram and YouTube at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

Shannon: [00:00:00] Welcome to Your Personal Power Pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young

Sandy: Shannon, you were just telling me a fascinating story. 

Shannon: I dunno about fascinating. Hi Sandy, how are you? I, I'm 

Sandy: good. Hello listeners, we're, we're happy to be here with you all. 

Shannon: Welcome to our fun mother daughter dynamic. 

Sandy: Yeah, 

Shannon: right. You usually just let me talk for a really long time and then you say a few words and then let me talk for a really long time.

So yeah, that's what we've been doing, 

Sandy: right? So why don't you just run with it? 

Shannon: Well, we were talking about this movie that I saw that recently came out called Is This Thing On, and it's about. Um, married man and his wife and how their marriage is kind of falling apart because they've lost connection [00:01:00] with each other and they don't know how to talk about it or connect anymore.

And ultimately what it comes down to, here's a spoiler, in case you haven't seen the movie. They both had lost touch with the things in their life that brought them joy and purpose and passion. And so they had to kind of figure that out. And I really related to that because. I and some of my friends are at this point in life where we're in middle age now and kids are grown and off to school and you're like questioning, okay, who am I now?

'cause I'm different than I was before I got married and I'm not doing a lot of the things that used to define me. And so feeling just a little bit like we don't know what to do, who are we? And that's a really scary place to be. B, and it's a little bit overwhelming because people say, well just try new things.

Well, that sounds really easy, but it isn't always just that easy. And so just like, what do you do? And so the movie really spoke to me [00:02:00] and it also ties into what our topic is today. We didn't know when we scheduled this topic for the day. I, I saw the movie yesterday. So, and we had already planned to do this.

It's just the universe. Putting me in the right place at the right time. 

Sandy: It works out that way. 

Shannon: Yeah. So today we're talking about what to do when you don't know what to do. 

Sandy: Absolutely. And there's so many different situations where you can not know what to do. You might feel stuck or just overwhelmed or paralyzed, or not even sure where to go or how to take the next step.

So if you find yourself in that place, the first thing to do is just stop. Pause. 

Shannon: Take a beat. 

Sandy: Yeah, just breathe and get clear instead of rushing off to any decision. 

Shannon: I like that you say give yourself permission to stop. 

Sandy: Yes, absolutely. 

Shannon: That can be hard. We live in this culture that's like go, go, go. Do, do, do.

And it somehow can feel selfish to be like, no. I'm gonna sit here for a minute. 

Sandy: Absolutely. Unless it's an [00:03:00] emergency. Obviously if you're an emergency situation, you have to take action quickly, but 99% of the time it's not an emergency, so you can just shut out all the noise and name what you're feeling when you're saying, I don't know what to do.

You're really saying Maybe I'm afraid of something, or maybe I have a huge overwhelming feeling that's impacting me, 

Shannon: or maybe I'm just tired. 

Sandy: Yes, that happens a lot. So you've gotta give yourself permission to just take a break and stop. 

Shannon: What does naming it do for us? 

Sandy: If you name your feeling, you find out is it a fear of failure?

Is it a fear? Are you afraid of choosing the wrong thing and then having to pay the consequences? Are you afraid you might lose your old identity? So if you can label what you're actually. Feeling, then you'll know what's stopping you. 

Shannon: It kind of takes away its power. 

Sandy: Exactly. It's also important to just shrink the question instead of what should I do with my [00:04:00] life, or which path is right.

Which is just huge. And I know a lot of young people are asking themselves that question, but also a lot of people, like you were saying, in your state, sha, you're in a life shift where kids have gone off to school or maybe you've changed jobs, maybe you've decided you've never really liked your job and there's something else you've always wanted to do, but you don't know how to do it.

Instead of just saying, oh, I have to solve this now, ask yourself, what do I want the end result to be? 

Shannon: What do I wanna feel? 

Sandy: Yeah. And what's the first step to get to that? And then ask yourself once you've taken that step, okay, now I'm here. How does this feel? Be sure to check in with your feelings all the time.

Mm-hmm. And then, okay, what is the next step? 

Shannon: You don't have to see the whole picture. 

Sandy: No, I never have

have you. 

Shannon: Maybe, but it always seems to be one or the other. Like I can see the next step or two, or I [00:05:00] can see the end result. I know I'll get to a certain place, but it's never both. It's never like I can see the end result and every step to get there. Right. That just doesn't happen. Yeah. Especially last year when I was going through the cancer treatment.

Sandy: Right. 

Shannon: It was like, I knew I was gonna be fine. I didn't know how long it was gonna take and I didn't know what it was gonna be like in the middle, but all I knew was I was gonna be fine, which was really helpful. 

Sandy: Yes. That was what. Cured you. You're just phenomenal about that. 

Shannon: Oh, thank you. You're very sweet.

But that would've been really terrifying if I hadn't had that inner knowledge and then also only knew one step ahead. 

Sandy: Yes. So it's just taking it one step at a time. Sometime, if you can hold your end goal. You can see like you did where you're going to be. Mm-hmm. And then you'll just find the path. 

Shannon: The path appears.

Sandy: It does appear. It's quite fascinating. It's like right now we're hoping to have a famous person as a guest on our podcast. The [00:06:00] idea just came to me when I was reading his book and I thought, oh my goodness. He thinks the same way we do and it would be awesome to have him come talk to you all, 

Shannon: talk to us.

Heck 

Sandy: yeah. To everybody. Obviously he is hugely famous and we are not, and so I backtracked and said, okay, so what is the very first thing I need to do to reach out to this person? I'm in the process of doing that, and then I have a second step that I'm going to do, but I have my end goal. 

Shannon: Mm-hmm. 

Sandy: Our end goal, which is that he will be a guest on our podcast.

Love it. So we are taking it one step at a time. I don't know the path, but I know where it's gonna get us. 

Shannon: This is in my life. The biggest lesson that I've taken from all of this is just start. You don't have to know what you're starting. Sometimes it's as simple as, I don't know how to do this. How do I do this?

Googling it? Yes, just Googling it or asking somebody or doing some research. Any movement in any [00:07:00] direction is movement. 

Sandy: Exactly. 

Shannon: There's a famous quote out there, and I'm gonna botch it, but it says something like starting has magic and genius in it. 

Sandy: Oh, wow. 

Shannon: Which it does. You get the engine started and then it just keeps running and that's when the path appears.

Sandy: Absolutely. And action creates information. And because you learn from doing and then the next step appears because you've taken that first step, you just choose a a small, low risk action. Make that phone call or write that note or organize one drawer or research one option. Like you said, movement breaks your mental gridlock so often doing something reveals what you should do next.

Shannon: There was a guy that I worked with in television forever ago who was a director, so he worked behind the scenes. I think he'd just been at the station for too long and was over it. Was very clear about that and fairly vocal about that. And I would get really frustrated with him because I was saying, try to go [00:08:00] somewhere else.

Find somewhere else you wanna go. Send out tapes. Don't stay here if you're miserable. And I don't know what he did over those years, whether he sent out a bazillion resumes or whether he did nothing. It often felt like he did nothing. But he sat on that for so long and put out into the universe for so long that I want to be somewhere else doing the same thing in a bigger market, better money, all that, that when he finally got around to sending out a tape that I know about, he wound up at ESPN.

Sandy: There you go. 

Shannon: He went from small market television to ESPN. Nobody makes that jump. 

Sandy: He took that step, 

Shannon: but he had so much momentum built up in his head that when he finally took a step, it blew him out of the water like. 

Sandy: Well, good for him. I hope he's happy at espn. 

Shannon: I do too. I have not spoken to him since, but I think it's amazing and just think where he could have been a decade earlier [00:09:00] 

Sandy: if he'd taken this step.

Shannon: Yeah. 

Sandy: Yeah. That's the thing is you can sit and mul it over for just so long. Eventually, a lot of people just do that to the point where the opportunities are gone or they're too old, or things have shifted where their dream isn't possible or reality anymore. 

Shannon: Yeah, the window closes. 

Sandy: Yes, take action. Any action, and it will lead to the next action as long as you're committed to your end goal.

Shannon: And remember that when steps appear, you can take them or you cannot if you get started on say, belly dancing. And you don't know. You think you might wanna be a belly dancer in your off time or professionally, I don't know. And you start checking out belly dancing classes, and then you go to a couple of belly dancing classes and then it's time to perform belly dancing.

And you're like, I don't know that I really wanna be a belly dancer. You don't have to take that next step or you, that's right. Re divert and create a new path and go somewhere else with your belly dancing, you know? 

Sandy: Right. 

Shannon: Exactly. So you have options all along the way. I [00:10:00] think what's scary is that we're afraid of getting stuck into something.

Right. Most things you used to tell me when I was little, you can do anything for nine months or nine weeks, or whatever it was. But there are only a couple of things. You don't have the option of backing out of death being one. 

Sandy: Yes. Right. 

Shannon: So begin, because most likely, if it turns out not to be your thing, you can pivot and go a different direction.

Sandy: Right. I think that was when you and your brother were signing up for school sports and stuff. You said, so what happens if I don't like this? Yeah. And I said, well, you'll finish the season. Mm-hmm. And then you don't have to do it again. 

Shannon: Yeah. 

Sandy: You don't quit in the middle. If you make a commitment, you honor the commitment.

That's a value. 

Shannon: Yes. 

Sandy: And when you're making choices, it's important to check with your values to, 

Shannon: yeah. Is this who I wanna be? Is this the kind of thing that matters to me? Is this representative of who I am? 

Sandy: Exactly. What you were saying was sometimes you get into something and realize it's not what you want, and that's fine too.

Mm-hmm. Because that's part of the growth process, [00:11:00] and that's part of learning. And maybe taking belly dance classes is fun, but you don't wanna perform. That's not who you are or mm-hmm. Not something you're interested in, but you just like the exercise. So as you move along through the process, you're gaining information so you can make the next decision.

Shannon: Mm-hmm. American society is super hung up on failure. That's one of the things I hear a lot from people when they don't try something. I can't tell you how many people in my life have said, and I'm probably one of them. I don't wanna do that if I'm not gonna be great at it right out of the gate, which is totally unlikely for most things.

Sandy: Oh yeah. There's only a few stars, superstars, right, who are just born to do what they do. Other people just do it for fun, 

Shannon: and they probably weren't great at it when they started either. Ed Sheeran has a cute little video where people are talking about talent. He says, oh, I haven't always been able to sing, and here's a video to prove it.

You know, like, this could work. And time and effort and you know, I was not born being able to do this. So there's an awesome book I [00:12:00] read forever ago called The Geography of Bliss. Mm-hmm. Which is basically this person who's on a mission to figure out which country is happiest and why. And essentially it comes down to, it was like Finland or Iceland or one of those right countries that's always in dark all the time.

Sandy: And cold. 

Shannon: And cold. And the reason that the people there are happiest is because their culture. Doesn't have a hangup with failure. Right. It's encouraged. Yeah, of course you're gonna fail. Try new things. Fail. Try new things. Fail. That's the whole point of trying new things to see if you're good at it, if you like it, if you wanna keep putting more energy into it.

Sandy: Exactly. Nobody starts something and is perfect at it right off the bat. If you do that, you've gotta an incredible talent and run with it. But that is not something that happens a lot. I am reading Oz Perlman's book called Read Your Mind, which is a great book, Uhhuh. I suggest it for anybody. He talks about the importance of being uncomfortable and facing your fears, embracing discomfort instead of running from it.

He's a mentalist. He talks about when he [00:13:00] first started performing, when he was a teenager and how he failed multiple times all the time, and he just kept going back because every time he learned more. Now he. Hugely successful because he did not quit. He embraced the failure and the discomfort of failing.

So if you're not sure what to do, just go for it. Give it a try and see. 'cause the worst that can happen is you can fail and you'll learn something. 

Shannon: There's an interview with Dolly Parton where she talks about that, how she's never been concerned with failing, because every time she fails, she learns something, which means ultimately she's winning.

So she's like, yeah, I've never worried about failing. 

Sandy: Yeah. If you can embrace that, then you will always be able to figure out what to do. And also, it's good to talk to somebody you trust, not because they can give you all the answers, but because they will listen and support you and help you hear yourself more clearly.

Sometimes saying your thoughts out loud is enough to realize which direction is best for you. 

Shannon: Yes. And they can also help [00:14:00] remind you of who you are, 

Sandy: right, and who you wanna continue to be. 

Shannon: And then understand that it's all temporary. You know, it's a transitional phase. We all go through that. You're not broken, you're just doing what we do.

And clarity often comes once you accept that. Okay, I'm in this weird place. I had a friend when I was in high school, she told me once, and I'm just going through an ugly phase right now. And I thought, what a genius way to think about it. We all have days where we don't feel good looking. She's beautiful, but she just wasn't feeling like herself and she thought she was not real hot that day.

And she's like, I'm just going through an ugly phase. And I thought that is such a healthy way to look at. 'cause she knows she's not gonna feel this way forever. 

Sandy: Right. It's temporary. It's just where I am right now. If you can see things like that, it will be a whole lot easier to deal with them and move on from them.

Shannon: Once you accept it, then you allow the clarity to come. If you agonize over it, you keep yourself stuck. 

Sandy: Exactly. Then you just emphasize wherever you're stuck. And then I always talk about how much, I just love to go [00:15:00] for a walk, listen to the birds, and just doing nothing, just walking. Is a good choice to take if you're stuck, get out of out from yourself and go be in nature.

Or meditate. Or relax and let go of whatever it is you're obsessing about. 

Shannon: Yeah, stop thinking about it. And along those lines, physical movement helps. 

Sandy: Yes. Always. Not lifting, you know, a hundred pound weights, but 

Shannon: unless you're into that, 

Sandy: well, unless you're into that. But that wouldn't work for me. I, I don't do that.

Shannon: But there are people who do, and some people really like that extreme exertion. That's true. Because it puts them in the moment the same way that you're walking does for you. 

Sandy: Yeah. I know a lot of runners, they get in the zone after several miles and it's their meditation place. It helps them just focus.

And they let go of all the concerns, all the worries. They just focus on running. If you have something that will do that for you, make sure you do it, especially if you're in a place where you're not sure what to do. 

Shannon: [00:16:00] And then also allow yourself to just be still, which is really hard for us as Americans.

We don't do stillness. 

Sandy: We think you're supposed to be moving all the time. 

Shannon: Mm-hmm. 

Sandy: You see somebody you haven't seen in a while and they say, oh, what are you doing these days? Uh, being still, I'm taking it easy. I'm meditating, I'm walking. Not exciting, but can be powerful. 

Shannon: One of the things we're working on in our household is setting aside intentional time to do nothing.

Ah, because what we've found is that when we get free time, there's. Always something that needs to be done. Yes. So if we don't do it and we just sit and read a book or watch TV or sit outside with the dogs, there's always this nagging guilt that I have time right now, I could be doing X, Y, Z. And so by scheduling it, then it's like an equal priority to those other things.

There's something about just saying, okay, this Sunday I'm taking two hours from [00:17:00] one to three and doing nothing. Yes. That makes it easier to do. 

Sandy: It's on the calendar. 

Shannon: It's on the calendar, 

Sandy: yes. And you've just given yourself permission to do 

Shannon: that. And if somebody asks you to do something you don't necessarily wanna do, you can say, I'm sorry, I have an appointment.

Sandy: Yes, 

Shannon: because you do. 

Sandy: I have an appointment with me. 

Shannon: It's on the calendar. But rest is important and we don't do a lot of that. The greater we, 

Sandy: American society, basically 

Shannon: Americans, we hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle and burnout, and then feel like burnout is the norm, which it is, but it's not the healthy norm.

Sandy: So we're back to taking care of yourself. 

Shannon: Yeah. 

Sandy: So the bottom line is remember that not knowing what to do is not a sign that you've lost your way. It's often a sign that you're about to change direction and start something new. Mm. So treat the moment with patience and curiosity rather than judgment.

You don't need certainty to move forward. Just enough courage to take the first step. 

Shannon: Thank you, mama, 

Sandy: and thank you Shanny, and thanks to our wonderful listeners. [00:18:00] For taking this fun podcast journey with us. 

Shannon: Yes, and please tell us are you stuck? What are you stuck with? Or have you gotten yourself unstuck?

And how did you do it? We would love to know, and if you want us to share your stories on the podcast, we are more than happy to do that. But we can also keep them really private if you prefer that instead. So please reach out to us. Share with us your stories. If you want to, we'd love it. If you wanted to review our podcast, and you can do that wherever you stream or just visit your personal power pod.com, click contact and drop us an email directly.

You can also subscribe to us on YouTube and if you wanna learn about coaching and how it can change your life, you can get in touch with Sandy for a free coaching session at sandy@insidejobscoach.com. We look forward to hearing from you, and until next time, find your power. And change your life.