The Soulful Leader Podcast
The Soulful Leader Podcast
When the Plan Is the Problem
Planning is the road to success, the path to freedom.
Or is it?
What if planning only part of the answer, and not having the whole picture is keeping you VERY stuck?
Today Stephanie and Maren unpack what we’ve been taught about planning (and sticking to the plan), how it’s holding us back, how we can use it and what it actually takes to step fully into our flow. It requires both awareness and practice - and it’s a powerful path into the meaningful, fulfilling life that too often feels out of reach.
This week:
- They address everything from “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail” to “you know how to make God laugh? Tell him your plan.”
- They give solid, actionable ways to transcend (and include) planning
- They question everything, and invite you to do the same
- They share personal, relatable examples
- AND they have solutions for when your plan goes sideways
Tired of either/or, binary options like,
~ push-through-and-make-it-happen, ‘my way or the highway’
~ poor me victim, ‘I'm gonna let it happen’
Ready to step into what wants to happen for you? WITH you?
Then today’s podcast is for you!
“It's not about settling for less, but being open to possibilities” ~Stephanie J Allen
- 0:31 Possibilities Beyond Planning
- 9:35 Partnering with Life
- 13:34 Less Conflict and Stress, More Creativity and Freedom
- 18:00 The Process
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In a world where we have everything and it's still not enough, we're often left wondering, is this really it? Deep inside you know there's more to life. You're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper, more meaningful life that's calling you. That's what we invite you to explore with us. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac, and this is The Soulful Leader Podcast. Yay. Hi! Welcome to The Soulful Leader. Super excited about talking in this podcast, and some of you are going to cringe when I say this, but... planning, I know it's the fall and we're, you know, some of us are heading back to whatever we left for the summer. And, you know, it's, it's a different headset, isn't it, from leaving the summer time back, you know, coming back into the into the ritual and the routine. And I know I grew up with someone who, as a parent, they loved routines and rituals, and I hated it. I just loved the freedom of space of summertime, and so it was a little bit of wrangling, of getting me back in that headspace, of, yeah, I'm back to school or I'm back to work or I'm back to different things, and I'm really excited because, you know, Maren and I are talking a lot about living it soulfully, living it differently, like, what if we there was space to really unfold a life that transcended planning but also included it, and we could look at it from a new way? So stick with us. We're going to talk a little bit about how we're using our awareness and our time and our energy to really move towards a life that we want to live into. I know for myself, I'm probably very much in alignment with you, of like, I'm not a very good planner. My husband is. I'm not, and one of the things I think for myself is the word planning. My, our mentor Daniel Goodenough, that we talk about a lot, he talks about intention, and I do a much better job of holding my attention on my intention. So what I mean by that is like really keeping my focus on where I'm going and what I want than I do on keeping a plan. And I think that part of my frustration with planning and this word planning and and holding to a plan is that I did that when I was younger, and it got me into trouble. My business...I kept to the plan, even though spirit life kept tapping on me on the shoulder and saying, you know, over here, Maren, excuse me, Maren, there's something else. Maren, like, oh, it was really trying to get my attention. And I had been trained by this wonderful society that we're in, and by a parent that was also very good at planning, like to put my blindfolds on and stick to the plan. And it wasn't what I needed, it wasn't what I came to do. It backfired on me, because it's not who I am, and the more I've gotten to know who I am and how I operate, and I'm in the conversation with life, instead of trampling life, the easier it's gotten for me. And so yeah, I can... Yeah, like, when I'm hearing you say it's like... to really make some space for what also wants to happen for you. And often in our society, we think of a plan is like, at all costs, I'm going to make this happen. And I think that's the key. At all costs, we just we annihilate everything else outside around that might actually help us. And I mean, I have a good example of that in my own life, in the way of like I had a plan to put an addition, like to tear off an old... it's funny, it was like a lean-to shed that was against the house that was built in 1940 and it was only supposed to be temporary from my grandfather's point of view. I have a family house, and during a storm, a massive five ton tree fell on it, and I had planned that I was going to kind of renovate it in 10 years, because I was telling myself I didn't have the life force. I didn't have the time, the money, the energy, I didn't even have the vision of what really I wanted there. But all of a sudden, now the freaking tree fell on it. So I'm like, well, I guess I got to do something now. And so I started. I communicated my ideas. And, you know, sometimes when you communicate your ideas to, you know, all the different contractors and the, you know, the planners, they're like, well, no, we can't do that because of this, or you can't do that because of that, and all these different things. And then I dropped into the intention. What is it that I want? Well, I wanted to have a really beautiful space back there that I could walk out onto a back deck and I could enjoy the space and have friends over, and also have a little place that I could have laundry rather than going down into the basement. I wanted to have it on the main floor, and I wanted to have a place where I could treat my clients, so like a little office. That's all I knew. And I knew there's certain colors I liked, but I had to let go of that... like I held my intention of hey, this is the experience I want to have back there, and these are the colors that I love make it happen. And I wanted lots of light, right? And it's so cool. You know, when stuff like that happens? Because when I when I operate that way, I operate, I let spirit come in. And, you know, as I'm thinking, I'm like, like, part of me is like, I don't have any money. How the heck am I going to make this happen? You know, next thing you know, my in-laws are throwing out their solid oak kitchen. And I'm like, dang, that I could use those for cupboards in there, in my laundry room and in my treatment room. And say, next, you know, I call my brother, and he goes and picks them up, and he's like, hey, there's a couple extra things, do you mind if I have it? I'm like, no, you can have it? I'm like, no, you can have that, too. So it was like, literally, it was spreading, like abundance was spreading around all these other things that were happening. And it actually turned out way better than I think I could even have imagined. And if I had imagined it and tried to be very rigid about what I wanted, then it wouldn't have evolved and unfolded, I don't think the way it did. And it did it in the time that it needed to happen, and I had more than enough life force to make it happen. I surrendered that too. But there was an inner plan that went on within me. My inside plan was to be present to what it was that I wanted in the way of an experience, in the way of how it was going to unfold. I had the intention that I didn't want it to break the bank for me. I wanted to be able to make it within my means, and I wanted to have a timeline that I wanted it to happen. So I like I had these standards that I had. I had these standards and these, you know, these boundaries, I suppose standards and boundaries that I had that I was like it needs to meet within these parameters. How can we make that happen? And then I had to have that conversation with spirit. So that was my plan, and my practice was to have that conversation internally with myself, and to really work at believing that there must be a loving... it must be a loving universe. Because if it was unloving, that tree falling down on my back porch, I mean, I would have been a hot mess... instead of saying it's a loving universe therefore you're going to help me find how we're going to do this together. I think that that's the key, is how we're going to do this together. And I think often times, in the way that I was raised is that when you have your plan, it's your job to see it through. And there was no space, there was no conversation about me being in partnership with life about this. It's just... no, make it happen. And, you know, I think of it was like, pull your big girl panties up and make it happen type of thing, just like, push that we at all costs, like you said earlier, that we have in our culture that doesn't allow for partnering with life, with other people, of realizing that, like you said, with your brother and with your in-laws, it's like it was a win, win, win. They didn't have to pay to get it hauled away. It didn't go into a landfill. You got cabinets and your brother got... and like, everybody won because you made space for that in saying, okay, well, this tree fell seven years before I expected it to. My plan was that in 10 years, this was going to get done, and now is like, oh, it has to get done now. And instead of going into either poor me or I have to make something happen. You went into partnership. You said, okay, if this is happening for me, and we've, we've talked about this before, of like, is it happening to you, or is it happening for you? Yeah, that's such a great practice right there. Like, if you can slow down enough when you are made to make a decision, and it can sometimes feel like you're a victim and it's happening to you, and it's happening outside of your time line, outside of your financial support. Say, wait a minute, if I, if I believe that this is happening to me, I'm going to be in reaction. I'm going to fight. I'm not... I'm going to close down with my blinders. I'm not going to be open to the possibilities that perhaps a friendly universe actually wants to provide me with. So to really create a practice like, okay, I'm in a friendly universe. So what wants to happen? This, obviously, is outside of my timeline. So spirit has a timeline for me surrender to it. And I think that when I was saying before about with my own business and my own training, and this kind of like frustration I have with planning, that was my biggest challenge was that I kept thinking that it was my plan, and I had to stick to my plan. And so when things went sideways, it was that it was happening to me, or that I did something wrong, instead of stopping and saying, how is this happening for me, and where is it directing me? And having flexibility in my plan as a part of and I think of that, like you just mentioned the word practice, I do think that that's a practice that it takes a practice to be able to allow space, allow flexibility. And yet still hold to your intention. Yes, I think those would have totally different things. Your intention and your plan are not the same things, And they've kind of gotten collapsed into the same thing. And so just being able to separate those out, and then, you know, there is that whole other, like when the pendulum swings completely to the other side, and people just go, well, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And, you know, there's no... it's all wishy washy. There's no plan. There's no intent. Like, it just kind of, I don't even have a word for it. Well, it reminds me of those two sayings. It's like, you know, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Yeah, there's that. And then the other side is saying, you know how to make God laugh? Plan. Right. Tell them your plan. right? So it's like both of those, we need to bring them together and bring them up to a new level. So I always say transcend and include them, meaning that, yes, there is a certain amount of life force you need to put into holding space for also a loving universe, God, Spirit, whatever your term is, to actually be your partner, to allow something to unfold. Because if you don't know where you're going, you know it's like, the the whole I got on an airplane, but I didn't know where I was going, like, okay, and the pilots like, well, where are you going? I don't know. So we'll just fly around. So there does need to be that an intention. And then there's also the like, you said, like, I love that. When you want to make God laugh, tell them your plan, right? Yeah, exactly. Ability to, like, surrender it and be like, okay, there's something better. To be, it comes for me, it comes back to being in the conversation, instead of being either the dictator that says it's this way, my way or the highway or the victim that's like, I don't know. It's just gonna happen to me. I'm gonna let it happen. You know? I wonder if we practice that more as a humanity, if there'd be a lot less lawsuits. Like, really, you know, there was a few things that I had, really had envisioned of my back extension in my home, and it didn't happen. And I, there was a few people say, oh, you should sue. And you should this is that...tatatata... I'm like, who knows? You know? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe this is the best thing. Like, it's not about settling for less, but being open to possibilities that maybe there was another way that this was meant to... I don't know. I'm becoming less and less rigid, but also still focus. So it's like holding the two opposites right, not being rigid with the plan, and also staying focused on it. So I'm curious, as you are experiencing yourself differently, like this, where you're becoming less rigid, do you find that it's less stressful and that you're enjoying life, Oh my God, 100% It looks like it!! Oh my god, I think, I think that's that you just hit it right. Like, yeah. Like, oh my gosh. There's so much stress when you try to hang on to something so tightly......and be angry at this person for doing this... Just, oh, my God, can't sleep. You're worried... what if? And I'm like, man, like, let that shit go. Like, I'm not saying it oh, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I'm not. I'm saying, like, stay focused of like, stay present with it, feel it. But also say, okay, there must be something else that wants to happen. What is your practice or your plan to stay present to what wants to happen? Yeah, How you doing, how are you, how are you managing that, you know? Right? And so like, it's interesting, because if we look at life as not something to conquer, but something to be present to and enjoy and be a part of. And, you know, I think of it like a book of life, the book of life I'm reading and a part of the book of life, then I come from a very different place than if I was looking at it from that, I'm here to conquer it. I was just reading about there's a group of people that are restoring old waterways. We have as a culture, we've tended to, not tended to... we have imposed our will on the environment around us. So if waterway is in our way, we fill it in, we redirect it, we do whatever it is it takes because it's in the way and it's been causing problems. Imagine that, and this is kind of what we're doing in our own lives, is we conquer instead of working with it. Whoa right? So if we look at it from you know, there's, if you're familiar with permaculture at all, one of the things that permaculture does is it looks like it looks at here's the environment as it is. How do we work with it to get the most out of it for both, in, out of respect for the environment itself and also for ourselves? So here again, we're looking at life as how do we cooperatively work with it, instead of imposing ourselves on it. Oh my gosh. I'm just getting so many images of like, imagine if we could do this in relationship with a partner, with your child, with, you know, in work, in business, in teaching, whatever it is like, instead of trying to impose a system on somebody or a way of life or a way of thinking or being. What if you could be curious and say, you know, how do we work with this? Where, when we come together, what then transpires, it opens up creative possibilities that you hadn't even thought about before. And like you said, it's just, Oh, my God. You don't waste time and energy Well and I'm thinking about this as as we go into the fall and we're going back to work, or back to school, or, you know, it's like, it feels like momentum is gaining back into business, right? And one of the things you said at the beginning is, as we get back into it, is there a way to do it? Is there a way to step back into our businesses and our in our like, go get'em mode, and still hold the space? And I think that's really what it comes down to. And what I'm also hearing is because when we can do that, then we don't have the stress and we don't have the anxiousness and we have, we actually have the space for creativity and for doing it differently, and for partnering with people, and for all of the goodness that could be there instead of the domination of I will make it happen. You know that we've been trained to do. So. Where do we start? Ah, that is a great question. Like, I think one of it is just being aware of where maybe you're struggling or suffering in an area and asking yourself, am I holding too tight? Am I not making space enough to allow something to guide me or help me? Or, you know, am I trying to force something, or am I just totally not even present to it? Am I just completely, like, I get in there, I make, you know, I get focused, and then I get frustrated and throw my hands up and walk away from it and abandon it? That can be hard, too. It's like, where are you in the cycle of this? Where's your energy? Yeah, so I think that that's a great place to start. I think also is starting to know who we are and what we want. We have this assumption that we do that like, oh, okay, yeah, I know what I want. Of course, I know what I want. And do we? Like, even for myself, I often am like, well, do I know if I really pulled back the covers, there would... am I living the life that Maren wants, or am I living the life that Maren was trained to want or told she should have, conditioned by life? And, and I asked myself that question on a regular basis so that I keep peeling the layers on that I don't feel like it's a one and done. I feel like this is like, you know, 50 years of conditioning, and it's not going to go away in one question of one round of like, hmm, I wonder if that's really who I am and what I want. You know, it's an ongoing practice. Sometimes the question I'll ask to myself and to those I work with is saying, you know, is this something that you want, and is it your ego, or is it something that you know? Have you asked what, what, what spirit wants for you? Yeah. Have you made time and space for that? Yeah, I think that that's a great question is, what wants to happen for me, right? Yeah. So I would love to hear from some of our listeners, what are the questions that you ask yourselves and or what are the questions that came up for you as you listened to this? Like what really stood out for you? If you could have a life that included business that didn't have stress and anxiety, that was actually joy filled, and you know, like you looked forward to every moment of every day, what what kinds of questions might allow you to get to that place that you might ask yourself? So we'd love to hear from you. You can always find us at TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com or you can find us on our Facebook page or our LinkedIn page, which are both at The Soulful Leaders and you can find us on YouTube, The Soulful Leaders. We'll see you all in a few weeks, and we'll look forward to hearing from you. And that wraps up another episode of The Soulful Leader Podcast with your host, Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website, at the www.TheSoulfullLeaderPodcast.com Until next time...