From Autopilot to Alignment - advice from our team

Ready to trade your inner ‘itty bitty shitty committee’ for a better compass: alignment? 

The Soulful Leader Team sits down for a candid year-in-review where they share how they have shifted their own lives and identities - and they’ve turned small practices into meaningful change. 

Dave shares how producing our show became his deep practice: spacing out work to absorb insights in layers, and then applying them when life got loud.

Lori reframes leadership where it’s most personal: at home. By shifting from fixing to leading, she completely changed the relationship with her adult daughter. 

Angela shares how much she has noticed the social norms that nudge her toward unconscious choices and the tough skill of sitting with her own thoughts. She is choosing joy over quick-hit fun and finding what truly nourishes.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in everyday patterns (like scrolling), are interested in reclaiming hours in your day, or you’re craving less numb and more meaning - this podcast is for you.

Learn practical, human ways toward aligned choices, one practice at a time.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who’s seeking traction, and leave a review with one aligned practice you’re starting this week.

TRANSCRIPT

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Transcript

Meet the TSLP Team

Stephanie 0:03

In a world where we have everything and it's still not enough, we're often left wondering, is this really it?

Maren 0:10

Deep inside, you know there's more to life. You're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper, more meaningful life that's calling you.

Stephanie 0:19

That's what we invite you to explore with us. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen

Maren 0:24

and Maren Oslac. And this is the Soulful Leader Podcast.

Stephanie 0:30

Yay!

Maren 0:31

Welcome to the Soulful Leader Podcast. Last year we did interviews with our team members right at this beginning of the year to kind of hear a little bit about their prior year and maybe their upcoming years. And you all enjoyed it so much that we wanted to do it again. So we're back and we're super excited to have Dave and Lori and Angela with us. And so we've asked them to think of a couple of things that they might want to share with you. And I guess we're gonna just jump in. Stephanie, did you want to share anything?

Stephanie 1:08

Yeah, I was just gonna say, let's just jump in. Have you ever had like, I think in our trajectory of life, we keep looking forward, or at least that's kind of where I've always been trained, is you keep seeing to what's next, what's next, what's next. And we don't often take a time just to rest and reflect and go, where have I been? What have I done? What would I like to be nourished by what I've learned from last year and where it can help me and support me in moving forward in my life? So we just thought this is a great time. And for those who are listening, you can look at your own life and go, you know, where were you a year ago? And I don't just mean physically on the planet, like you know, but where were you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, you know, whatever level that it is that touches your heart? And I think sometimes we don't have to take a moment to really reflect on that, and then look at the space between where you were then and where you are now. And is anything different?

Dave's Growth, Aha Moments, And Fear Of Success

Maren 2:06

It's a powerful, powerful practice. So I'm going to ... and let's I'm gonna do it this way. Is there anybody that wants to go first?

Dave 2:19

I'll go first.

Maren 2:20

I love it, Dave.

Stephanie 2:21

Yeah, awesome, Dave. Thank you.

Dave 2:23

Oh, I've got I've got so many thoughts and things going through my head right now. 2025 was a crazy year for me. There were so many things up, and there were so many... I was being pulled in like 20 different directions all at the same time, and it was a very... it could have been a very stressful year, but really I've changed who I am from a few years ago, ever since I started working on this team. And I can tell you that I like slid right through with so little grief, so little stress as a result as a direct result of all of the things - I got family issues, my parents are getting older and such, there was all kinds of anyway, a whole laundry list of things that happened, you know, character building and all that stuff. But the end of the day is that I didn't really lose my composure for all of it, and so I feel this is a great way to go through life, you know. One of the things I get to do, or my favorite thing that I get to do with with this team is I get to produce the podcasts, so I actually get to study each and every podcast that you guys record. And every time, every single week, every single podcast, I have an aha moment. I have several aha moments. I just did 202, episode 202, and it about sort of the fear of success, where if you be if you do this and you become this person, then the new version of you, the improved version of you, now you gotta live it. Now you gotta stay there. You gotta you've set the bar higher for yourself. And a lot of people start because they think they want that, but then they get scared and they see the end of the tunnel and they go, I'm not sure. That resonated with me hugely. And I feel even things like that, there was such an aha moment for me with that. And I love how I'm embracing it rather than being afraid of it now. So I'm getting into all kinds of new fun things that have basically propelled me into that position of seeing the end of the tunnel, and and I'm at that threshold where I would normally run away or cower in fear, like, oh, I don't want to be that person anymore. Or I'm afraid to go there, I'm afraid to have to take on that responsibility, you know, with with great power. There's great responsibility, as you were saying in the podcast. And yeah, that's true. But I am gonna be that person, I am gonna go down that road because I've learned so much from you guys just from the podcast, from studying that all the time, all the time. I can't say it enough. Go back and listen to every single podcast. There's always something for you, there's something in it for everybody. And so kind of one of the biggest fans of this, of this the whole movement, like the whole thing. Just I love it. So I get very excited by it. And then so when you start asking questions or talking, the brain is just firing off all over the place. Yeah.

Stephanie 5:43

So you get a chance to slow everything down when you hear the podcast, and to be able to learn it at a very deep level and then to apply it to your life. And so what I'm hearing you say is like it's neat, like where the outer world can be really spinning chaotically. What you have found this year, that you have that center that has really kept you grounded.

Dave 6:07

That's a great way to say it. Yeah, that's a very good way to say it.

Maren 6:10

Yeah, the anchor.

Dave 6:12

Yeah.

Maren 6:13

What I'm noticing is, you know, it's like nothing happens without some sort of a practice. You know, we we want to become somebody different, and we we can't just wish it and hope it into being. We do need to change something within ourselves, and that takes some sort of a practice, just like an athlete has a practice if they want to improve or change themselves. And it sounds like the the podcast production itself has become a practice for you.

Dave 6:42

It is totally 100%. I have a very structured way of doing it. It's sort of happened sort of organically, but but I never do the whole podcast in one shot. So there's different steps that I do, but I space them out because it's kind of like information overload. And this way I get to digest it somewhat more slowly. Yeah, so there's the basic production of the actual podcast, but then there's the snippets and other things that I do, but I always save that for the next day or some other day. Because if I do it all at it kind of all gets lost. Like it's I'm not saying you shouldn't listen or watch the entire podcast. That's not the problem. But you know, when you get so much information, you can only kind of digest a certain amount at a time. So this helps pace it and continue it. And I love that, yeah.

Maren 7:37

There's something called deep practice. Early in my in my years of being a dancer, being a dance athlete, I had a coach that had said to me, practice doesn't make perfect, practice makes permanent.

Dave 7:54

Ah.

Deep Practice And Learning

Maren 7:56

And so when you just practice without attention and intention, then it just makes whatever you're practicing constant, it makes it permanent. So, what I... another thing that I hear you talking about is deep practice, which is the aspect of like going back and reflecting. Is that what I want? Is that you know, so that you're the practice that you're doing, what you're making permanent, is very intentional instead of haphazard.

Dave 8:28

And a lot of that comes from, like I say, it actually resonates. There's there's things that are said that just like, oh yeah, that's it. Oh, that you said it perfectly, or that I get or I relate to, right? And I think everybody relates to most of these concepts, but when that happens, you sort of pay attention, and then you really want to sponge it up and absorb all that goodness. So, and then so yeah, so then I reflect on that, and then the next day or so I'll keep going with the work and it just feels good, right? And so you re-reiterate it and re-experience it and re-relearn it, and yeah.

Stephanie 9:08

Right, thank you so much, Dave. Thanks, Dave.

Dave 9:12

You're very welcome.

Stephanie 9:16

What about you, Lori?

Lori 9:18

Yeah, I'm kind of like Dave. I've got a million things in my head and my heart that I could say that I've experienced over the last year. And I think I'll start with that this work is so nourishing. I'm able to lean into listening, and like Dave said, working with a transcript, I get to work with it as well. And I've been a part of your Co-Creation group for I think it was my third year this year. And I get to learn in ways that make sense for me. The ideas and the concepts are very much in alignment with other areas of my life where I learn and I live and I practice. So coming to this is is like... this is the dream team. This is who I want to be on a team with - that you can have like-minded and like-hearted conversations. And we you know, we understand and we also seek to understand as well. So I think for me, the growth this year has been in the arena of leadership, right? It's been about self-mastery and learning how to lead yourself so that you can lead others and all the practices that might come with that. And Maren had asked a question earlier before we were recording. And one of the most amazing leadership things that has aligned for me this year is that I was able to step into a leadership role within my family. I had a lot of frustration, you know, especially as a mom. I was trying to be a mom, I was trying to be a coach, I was trying to be a parent, and my daughter's so you know, being a 'mommy' isn't reasonable here at all. And I was kind of at wit's end and I decided to step into leadership and how that might have looked different. And wouldn't you know it was just the thing that shifted the relationship that, you know, specifically with my daughter and my mother, I was able to and they were able to relax into who they were because it's almost like their expectations changed, the energy changed between us. And I took on a leadership role and it worked. You know, they both let me in in a way that I hadn't been able to get into before. So turn that work into myself and it's been the truth for myself as well. If I'm leading myself, then I am definitely listening and talking to myself in a much soulful way.

Stephanie 12:13

Yeah, that inner dialogue can be a real like harassment.

Lori 12:18

Yes.

Lori's Self-Leadership And Family Transformation

Stephanie 12:19

If if we don't create space to listen to it from a place of non-judgment inside ourselves and staying curious of like, oh, that's interesting. Listen to that little chucklehead inside myself going on, you know, like meaning, can I make space for it, not identify with it, but then I can also listen to it. And often the little chuckleheads inside are, there's a need that needs to be met, or there's a gift that it is like holding within us. But we have as a culture, we tend to project that chucklehead out onto other people and they become chuckleheads because they mirror back to us.

Lori 12:56

That's a new one. I hadn't heard that one yet. I heard before the itty bitty shitty committee. That's the one I always pops up for me.

Stephanie 13:03

Well, now you have another one called Chuckleheads. Yeah, I mean, what that's what we do is we, in order to see ourselves, we have to look outward. That's been kind of the conditioning. It's like, you know, you need a mirror in order to see your eyes. Can't really look at your own eyes. So, what happens when we see the world as going to hell in a handbasket or teams as not being functional or communicating or different things like that, or the leaderships in our world are are, you know, imploding, then it's it's a chance for us to go in and find the leadership within us, not to go out and retaliate. I'm not saying that, but how are we, like you said, how are you leading yourself in the different roles that you play in your life and having that time to just inquiry, just to say, hmm, that's interesting. Just that inquiry that that questing inside will make space. If we stay with it long enough, it actually will change and guide us. So thank you. Thanks for sharing.

Lori 14:03

You're so welcome.

Maren 14:04

And I love that you applied it to a non-traditional leadership place. We always ... I oftentimes you know hear people, especially moms, who say, Oh, I'm not a leader. And I'm like, Yes, you are. First of all, there's the inner leadership that you're talking about. And it's you, you're, you know, any everybody, one of the things we've said oftentimes in this podcast, if there's anybody that looks up to you, you are a leader. And as a parent and even as a child, like I know that my mom at this point has said to me multiple times, I look up to you for this, or you, you know, that type of, you know, like roles do change and things shift. So in our families, when we can apply that to ourselves and to our families, not from a control place, from the place that you're talking about, of you know, like that evolution place. It's it can be so sweet and very empowering. Do you see it going someplace, or what what's next steps for you as you look into this year?

Lori 15:23

Well, the leadership in parenting, what I'm realizing is that I think there's a big need for grown-up parents. I don't know how to coin it quite yet, but parents of adult children who who still need support, they still need guidance. And, you know, the younger generation, they're beautiful, but at the same time, they've got a lot going against them, you know, just being able to afford things for one thing. I think it's tricky to still find your place as a parent. So I'd like to explore that more. You know, I've had some real success and I've had some success in other work that I've been doing and and friends who I've been connecting to. And I think there's something there for parenting and and leadership. Yeah, I think I feel like I got some traction this year. Last year was a lot about growing and kind of going, huh... I wonder? And that's how I feel being a part of this team I feel like there's some traction. We all have some traction together. We have something pretty special going on right here.

Maren 16:36

Well, I really am looking forward to hearing where that goes with you and for you. So I can't wait till next year is team call.

Lori 16:46

When I'm telling you all about it.

Maren 16:48

Exactly. Exactly. How about you, Angela?

Angela 17:00

I guess I'm certainly in a different place this year than I was last year. I guess, you know, turning 50 had something to do with that. But also making choices that were good ones. Like, you know, I was working a lot, so I decided not to do that. I wanted to do things that I enjoyed doing, so I did that as well. But one thing that I struggled was sitting with my thoughts. So the Co-Creation circle was really, I guess, really beneficial because there was a sense of community and accountability, but it also taught you how to sit with yourself, doing the little meditations and how to reflect. And for me, sometimes that's really difficult because I don't want to I guess focus on what's what I'm thinking about. So when you don't want to think about your thoughts, you tend to do things that maybe aren't the best things to do for yourself. Hence I'm on day 12 of not drinking wine.

Leadership Beyond Titles

Stephanie 18:30

Yay! Congratulations.

Angela 18:32

Which is really good. When you try and numb certain things, you think that it's helping and it's not. A lot of really fascinating things that I've witnessed or that I'm witnessing within this last couple weeks is there's so much shame around, oh, you go home and you have a glass of wine, oh, you have two or three glasses of wine. And there's so much shame around that, but yet when you look at society, it's very much a very it comes in casual conversation quite easily. And it's always like, oh, let's go out for a drink after work, or you go into your friend's house, let's have a glass of wine. And then before you know it, a habit can be forming. And so I was being very mindful of that and learning how to kind of, like I said, sit and reflect, which is, you know, it's certainly a lot different. I am doing it feeling a lot different now than I than I did before. And it's also changing your perception of, you know, alcohol or, you know, and just changing your mindset. And so far I'm doing really, really well. And I have a lot more clarity and I feel great. And yeah, I'm looking forward to continuing. I don't think this will be just a dry January thing. I'd like to continue it.

Stephanie 20:07

Yeah, and I'm hearing that consciousness, that the old habit of just going unconscious and just like, yeah, I feel like doing this, yeah, I'm gonna do that, yeah. That you're choosing, like you're choosing consciously where you put your time and your energy and how you feed yourself and how you nourish yourself. And it's shifting, and that takes courage. That takes a lot of courage. And like you, like I love when you say I don't want to just like for most of us, who wants to sit and think and listen to their thoughts because they're uncomfortable. So it's really easy to distract ourselves, to get on Facebook, to have a drink, to you know, call a friend, get busy. But what I'm hearing you saying is that in your awareness of your thoughts and sitting with it, it's actually given you some space and empowerment to make a choice that is really serving you.

Angela 20:59

Rather than that, which apparently, which apparently is really ... it's well, obviously it's difficult, but you also because apparently everything that you enjoy comes from the unconscious, and then your conscious comes in. So I've got like the the two are battling right now.

Stephanie 21:17

Well, because those are yeah, the unconscious is such those old patterns, right? That now you're bringing to the consciousness to say, yeah, no, I don't think I want to do that old pattern anymore. Not working for me. I want to choose a new pattern, like what Maren was saying earlier about practice doesn't make perfect, it makes permanent. And now you're being conscious about what you're practicing so that you can make it permanent, but it's a thing that is helpful and nourishing and good for you.

Angela 21:44

Yeah, yeah. The awareness.

Maren 21:46

I think there is, you know, a society when we're unconscious, we want to... we want to be with other people who are unconscious. So it's easy to go to that's the everybody is, you know, let's go have a drink, let's go do this, let's go be unconscious together, right? Because then I can say, well, I'm just like everybody else. And you and then we tend to discount or even demean the person who wants to be conscious of by saying, well, what aren't we good enough for you? Oh, you're better than us because you're not drinking, you know. They that whole...

Angela 22:30

or you're such a stick in the mud. Oh, you don't you don't like to have fun, right?

Angela's Reflection, Beyond Society's Norms

Maren 22:37

All of that stuff, and then there's that, well, am I? You know, we have to, it is kind of like Dave was saying of that that new identity of who do we want to be, and it is possible to have fun and also be conscious, and actually, I think the real... there's a difference between joy and fun. Fun is a very surface thing, and it's not bad, wrong, or evil, it just it lives on the surface. Joy is that deep, like really important the the stuff that feeds our soul. And when we're unconscious, it's really difficult to feel joy.

Stephanie 23:23

Yeah, well, actually, you won't because you're unconscious. It's you're gonna be totally on the surface.

Maren 23:29

It will come up sometimes, but we yeah, we don't know how to get to it intentionally. We can't create it, we stumble upon it, and we can't sustain it. Exactly. So the process that you're in is getting you, it's saying, okay, I get that that's fun, and that those are the things that I have enjoyed. And I want something more. There's something more calling me. That deeper joy is really wanting to bubble up and be a regular part of your life. So, congratulations. That sounds very exciting.

Angela 24:06

It is, and I, you know what? I didn't think I could do it. I really didn't. But, you know, again, it's it's taking that time to sit with yourself and really think about you know, what is it that you want? And do you still want to continue doing this? And what are you getting out of it? Like you say, you're not getting any joy out of it. There's no joy whatsoever. It might be quick, you know, the first quick fix. Yeah. Yeah. The first thoughts of mine is might be fabulous, but after that, it's just blah.

Maren 24:36

Yeah, if you're checked out. You're checked out of life, you're checked out, you know, it just it's it's a way to disassociate. And when you disassociate, then you don't get to the meaning, you don't get to the joy. And there's a part of you for everybody, for every one of us, there's a part of us that knows that I've disassociated and it wants to reassociate, it wants to come back, it wants to find that the deeper meaning and the joy.

Dave 25:02

You know, it's interesting. I think it's really interesting that you're doing that because in my circle of friends, there's a lot of them that were big drinkers, and just recently, in the last probably two or three months, they've all a lot of them have stopped drinking, either kind of like either totally, completely, or whatever. And I find that I'm hardly drinking ever anymore, either, as a as a direct result. So my wine consumption has gone way down compared to what it was, let's say a year ago, you know, because there was always something going on every weekend or whatever. So you know, it was a social drinker, but now we socially don't drink, and it's great.

Stephanie 25:44

Isn't it interesting how we get influenced?

Dave 25:47

Yeah, right?

Stephanie 25:48

Like you're having friends who no longer drink anymore, and you find yourself not drinking too. And it's like we think it's these big actions that are gonna change the world, but it's these little shifts inwardly that make the big outward changes, and I love that because we do affect each other for sure, yeah, 100%.

Maren 26:13

Yeah, and it's not the drinking, so it may sound like oh, the the solution to everything is to not drink or not do this or not do the other thing. It's not... that's not what this is about, it's about consciously choosing it instead of becoming unconscious and having it choose you. So now the alcohol or the scrolling or the whatever your friends are doing is what is running your life instead of what you want and who you want to be. So when you become more conscious and you say you use that intentionality, now you're in choice, and you can choose to have a glass of wine, and maybe it's just one glass because you really enjoy that first glass, and then you say no to the next three or four where it starts to go downhill, or or maybe it's none. You know, it just is you're in choice at that point.

Joy Versus Fun And Choosing Consciousness

Stephanie 27:10

You know, it's so powerful that we're bringing this up because I'll be transparent with something with me. One of my friends, you know, who Angela also works with, she and I were talking one day and she's like, yeah, I just gave up scrolling. I am not... I don't scroll anymore. I don't go on social media, I don't scroll. As soon as I start catching myself scrolling, I go, I'm scrolling and I stop. And I'm like, that's brilliant. So I was on my phone the other day, myself, and I'm scrolling and I can hear her voice in my head. I'm scrolling. Stop it. I'm like, oh yeah, I need to stop that scrolling. And it was so interesting because you know how your phone sometimes will give you an update about how many hours a day you are spending on your phone. I was on average five and a half hours a day. Now that's a lot for me because my hands are usually on people all day long. So it's not like I'm in front of a computer sitting at a computer all the time. I'm pretty much in with people. So to have five hours, I'm like, wow, if I had five hours back a day, yeah, right? What would I want to invest it in? I all of a sudden, you know, because I'll catch myself saying, oh, I don't have any time. Well, if you had five hours back, you'd have lots of time. You could do lots of things in five hours, really. So I was just kind of finding it, and and Lori, you had brought that up about like parenting young, like young adults, like you know, adult children, and where where to step in, where to step out. And I've been I've been really, really present to that lately too, of like there's such, or what I'm experiencing- There is such a a distaste to being uncomfortable in our world right now. Like I want it and I want it now. I want to feel good now, I want to have I don't want to have pain now, I want to lose the weight now, I want to have a million dollars now, I want it now, now, now, now, now, right? So that I was reflecting because one of the things about my five hours of time is that I would like to use it differently to nourish myself, eat better, sleep better, exercise, connect with friends, like use that five hours differently. And I was reflecting back when I was younger, a young adult myself, and I didn't have any money. I had zero money. Like, I think I had $25 in order to eat a week. And I was in such wicked shape because I couldn't afford to drive. So I was walking and riding my bicycle everywhere, and I'd be like at university, so third year university kind of thing, 2021. I had to pay rent, I had to pay my phone bill, had to pay the TV, had to pay all these things, and I had left over $25. And so it's amazing when you are squish it down. You say you only have this much time or this much money or this much space, how very creative you get to use that. So, what I had done with that $25 is I said, okay, what where can I get the most energy for the longest time for that week? How can I make that $25 stretch? And you know, you mean a loaf of bread, a pasta, you know, and you know, spaghetti sauce, no meat, because you couldn't afford meat because meat would just blow your budget right off the thing. So I was like, how am I gonna get protein in? How am I gonna anyway? I think about that because I had to make a lot of sacrifices. I was really uncomfortable for the right reasons. And I that's what I'm getting to. It's like, Angela, you're saying, you know, you it's at first it's uncomfortable because you're changing that pattern. And Dave, you were saying that too. Like changing that pattern, first it's uncomfortable. And and Lori's same thing is like, where do I go? How do I, how do I, how do I be a leader with my family? At first it's uncomfortable, but after a while, you go, oh, this is good. I like this. Things are opening up, things are changing. But there's that momentary uncomfortability, and it might be momentary, but it might be years momentary of momentary uncomfortability. But I think if we could inquiry, like Angela, you were saying, like just sitting with it and going, for what reason am I making this choice? What is it doing for me or not doing for me? Like, what is it that I'm really seeking? It completely changes not only the internal but also the external, and it affects everybody. I love it. Soulful Leaders 2026.

Maren 31:46

Yeah, and I love that question. That might be a great question to end on because what I heard when you were talking is am I wanting to be more comfortable or am I wanting to change something and make myself more dynamic? And they may be, I don't know, they may be, you know, kind of two sides of the same coin because I know as I've gotten older and I've gotten more comfortable and I've achieved all the things, that there is that part of me that's like uh, it just is it's flat. It's kind of like that third glass of wine. There isn't the joy in the comfortability because I'm not challenging myself. And so I do want to be no more dynamic. And maybe just taking a peek at that for yourselves in 2026 for all of us and everyone who's listening. It's like where it's not bad, wrong, or evil to be comfortable. And where is being comfortable actually keeping you from doing all the things and being as dynamic as you want to be? I know that's a that's a question I'll be looking at. What's that?

Influence, Habits, And Social Norms

Stephanie 33:04

Keeping you stuck. Where's it keep... where's being comfortable? Like just because I can spend this money, drink that drink, eat that Cinnabon you know, just because I can, because I can afford to, or that I can do it, is it really the best thing for me? Is there another choice I could make that would actually fill me and sustain me much longer?

Dave 33:29

Right. It's it's hard, it's hard to be logical about it when it's all emotional. So so you're not wrong. You're you're 100% right. But what I find is you need to somehow in your own psychology, connect the correct logical answer or decision with the right emo with the emotion, so that you emotionally want to do the right thing instead of what you

Stephanie 33:58

So say more about that, Dave. Like what you mean. Like, can you give us an example?

Dave 34:02

Oh, the Cinnabon, they live... they are for calling me. I want it so bad, I want it now, you know, and it's gonna... I can put it in the cupboard, I can put it in the fridge, just gonna keep calling me until I eat it, you know. Except I know it's the wrong thing to do, 10 o'clock at night just before I'm gonna go to bed. So, but there it is, it's been calling me all day. I've got to go. So the thing about that is you know, you know, logically, it's the wrong thing to do. So you know that, but you're gonna that's not nowhere near good enough. It's the emotion behind wanting it. And how do you how do you deal with that? How do you connect the correct emotional the correct logical decision with your emotions?

Stephanie 34:53

Well, yeah, like because emotion, emotion is energy emotion. So if that emotion is running and you don't feel it or look at it or or acknowledge it, it's gonna it's gonna run you right into eating that Cinnabon right there. And I like you know, slowing down enough to say, okay, why would I want to eat that Cinnabon? Like, what is that about? What's that ...what's that going to do for me? And and going even to a higher higher state of saying, what is it that I really, really am longing for in my life? What am I seeking? What am I like? That takes time to stop that emotion that's running you to go, stop, wait, I need to ask myself a question. And ask yourself a few questions if you can at that time. Like, you know, what am I really seeking? Am I seeking... what am I where am I? Am I hungry? Is that why I'm going for that? Well, what am I really hungry for? Do I feel like I just haven't given up myself enough sweetness? So this is an unauthentic way of having sweetness, it's a quick fix. But I'm gonna feel like crap in about half an hour after. You know, what what would be the most loving, kind, respectful thing that I can do for myself? Those are questions that I and I'm not saying that it's a right or wrong thing. It's like some... you gotta keep practicing it.

Dave 36:16

No, but we all know the right, we know... we all know the right way and the wrong way. And the wrong way isn't so bad. So whatever, one more glass of wine, one more Cinnabon, one more whatever. That's... but. we also. know what else it's doing to us, the effects, the long-term effect, right? So it's not what you do once in a while, it's what you're doing every day that matters. The once in a while is fine. If you know what I'm saying, the once in a while is fine. It's the long term, and if you know you're gonna do it again tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and it just that's your pattern, that's your life.

Reclaim Your Time And Creating Space For What Matters

Stephanie 37:01

And I'm hearing the right, wrong, you know, and and yes, we know that yeah, that tug of war, right? And what if we could change the words from right or wrong to alignment? Like what where am I most aligned? Instead of right or wrong, because like you know, do you know do you know what I'm saying? Because that right and when I feel right and wrong, I'm like, now I've got like the angel and the devil on my shoulder and they're fighting with each other, right? And I'm in the middle getting a headache from them pounding each other, right? Instead of saying, well, wait a minute, what's most in alignment with who I want to become and where I want to go and what I want to be, you know? What is most in alignment? Because sometimes because that's what I'm hearing, and I'm just calling that out, Dave, because I think that's so perfect that you're bringing that up, because we do get caught in what's right and what's wrong and what's good and what's bad, and we get stuck there, and then that emotional train wreck gets kind of stirred up because it's like, I know what's wrong, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Damn it! Because now we're gonna have...

Dave 38:03

well that's right or exactly my point, yeah.

Stephanie 38:05

Right. And then and then we do it, and then we're like, oh my god, I'm such a... I have zero willpower. I freaking failed, I was doing so great, and now I did... right? And so now you're literally addicted to the emotional stuff that's going on inside yourself to put to saying, wait a minute, what is most in alignment? I'm gonna, I'm gonna like... I'm gonna transcend, I'm gonna let go of the right and wrong and just transcend it. Like, meaning go beyond that and like what's most in alignment? And it takes to me, it takes off that little fight that's going on inside myself. I really I make space for choice.

Maren 38:41

It it really feels like going it goes back to what Angela was talking about of being in choice about what you want to do instead of in reaction to what's going on, right? And that comes from the willingness to stop and self-reflect. It won't change automatically. You actually have to do that piece of the work, and it's really powerful when you do because then you can transcend the right and wrong and say, 'who do I want to be'? And move into that and do the alignment thing with with who you want to be.

Dave 39:22

So when I... one of the one of the main lessons, or I'm gonna call a lesson learned that I've gotten from the Soulful Leader project is our self-talk. It's all about the self-talk and what what's going on and what we're saying and thinking to ourselves about ourselves, right? So this is along the same lines. So the trick to nasty, negative, bad self-talk is to catch yourself and change it, right? What's the same thing with scrolling? It's the same thing with getting that Cinnabon, that extra thing that's whatever's pie is sitting on the counter right now, the cookies and all the goodness. You have to stop yourself in that moment and have that flip the script, completely flip the script. And so instead of the negative self-talk that's psychologically keeps you down or or makes you feel that you're unworthy of that higher bar, you're not unworthy of thinking clearer or being more successful or taking on that challenge or being a more soulful leader. I mean, so many so many wonderful things that come with being that person. And if feel you're unworthy, or then you're you're not going to be able to commit to perpetuating that new reality of the new you. You know, so perpetuation of that means you're going to consistently be that person, you're gonna consistently stop scrolling as soon as you realize you've been... I... clickbait, I'm all over this now. Get it off my phone, put it away. I'm gonna... I want my five hours back. That sort of thing.

Maren 41:13

And it is a process, it's a complete process. I going back to what Stephanie said, if we want the immediate and we want to say, well, I'm done with that. And then unfortunately, what ends up happening is we say, I'm done with that, and we're truly not, because it's a process. So then the minute we go backwards, we bait ourselves up and we just are like, well, and this is a perfect time of year, right? We're doing that. We set our goals and we fell off the wagon and we're like eff- it completely, and we just go back to whoever we were before without realizing that it is a process.

Dave 41:50

It's the journey.

Maren 41:51

So, as you all who are listening to us are moving forward, if you'd like to contact or, you know, have any comments about our journeys, the team, Angela and Lori and Dave, or even mine and Stephanie's, we would love to hear from you. Remember that you can find us online at the Soulful Leader Podcast. You can find our website for the project is https://tslp.life/

Maren 42:18

And then you can find us on social, both Facebook and LinkedIn at the Soulful Leaders, plus on YouTube. So if you want to see everybody who's been chatting with you today, join us on YouTube at the Soulful Leaders. Thanks so much for joining us.

Stephanie 42:42

And that wraps up another episode of the Soulful Leader Podcast with your hosts, Stephanie Allen

Maren 42:48

and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website at the www.TheSoulful Leader Podcast.com.

Stephanie 42:59

Until next time!