Courage to be Curious with Adina Tovell

Have you appreciated YOU today?

November 10, 2021 Adina Tovell Episode 166
Courage to be Curious with Adina Tovell
Have you appreciated YOU today?
Show Notes Transcript

When we think about appreciation and gratitude, we often think about others. In today’s episode, I talk about the importance of appreciating yourself…. Something that can feel awkward or even inappropriate to some people. My goal… to inspire and motivate you to take the time to appreciate YOU every day!

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Hey, it's Adina. And on today's episode of courage to be curious with Adina Tovell, it's me going solo today to talk about the importance of appreciating you every single day. We're talking about appreciation all month long, which makes sense. It's November. And we talked about appreciating people in the workplace and appreciating people who are important to us in relationship, appreciating others that we may not even know or people who help us out each day. But what about appreciating you? I want you to listen in here why I think this is so critically important, and why I would love for you to take on a daily practice of appreciating you.

Hi, this is Adina here with today's episode of courage to be curious with Adina Tovell. And all month long and November we are have been and we'll be talking about appreciation. It makes a lot of sense. It's November, it's naturally a month when we think about gratitude and what we're thankful for. But this month, we're talking about appreciation. It began last week with our conversation with Cheryl Rice about the You Matter Marathon. We've been a sponsor of this event for a number of years, as you heard if you listen to last week's podcast, and we really want people engaged, both in the marathon itself, and really most importantly, on focusing on really letting people know that they matter. We're living in a time right now, where I think one of the biggest challenges that we're facing is the fatigue that we feel we've been dealing with pandemic and limitations and changes to our normal routines. I know I personally get really affected when my natural ways of restoring and rejuvenating are interrupted, you saw in this month's newsletter, I did finally make an attempt to getting restorative rejuvenated. And so you know, all of those things lead to a kind of fatigue. And sometimes I think that this disconnection from each other, because we're all just surviving in our own little space. And so let's taking a month, and really bringing our attention and awareness to appreciation seems like a really good idea. So I'm excited about it.

Last week, you heard from Cheryl Rice about the marathon and the marathon is outwardly focused to other people and appreciating them, letting them know, you matter, right? Moving talking about these cards. And following this week's podcast, you're going to have another couple of conversations with people who are talking about appreciation in the workplace. And then we're gonna be talking about real appreciation in the context of important and meaningful relationships. So today, for this episode, I wanted to take a different angle and a different approach. Because in all those conversations about appreciating the one person who isn't being appreciated in those is you, right, is you are not this you matter. like I matter, I matter.

And we don't take a lot of time, and I want to explore some of the reasons why I think to focus on appreciating ourselves.

In fact, we don't do this so much that it almost feels awkward to say that phrase, like, have you appreciated yourself lately? Or what do I appreciate about me?

So we're dedicating I'm dedicating choosing an entire episode today, on appreciating yourself.

Now here's why I think it's so important. Just kind of a couple major reasons. Firstly, I think it's really important because if you've ever listened to yourself, and many of you have been acclimated a little bit to self talk there one way or another, you already know that we tend to be our harshest critics, right? We can beat up on ourselves in ways that we would never beat up on other people. We can beat up on our bodies we can beat up on our intelligence we can beat up on why did I do that our faux pas our mistakes, we can be up on our parenting, we can beat up on things. We overlook mistakes we made. I mean, really, we are masters at beating up on ourselves kind of this underlying notion of perfectionism that I got it wrong. And I've said this many times, I'm a teacher by training. And I know how much schooling kind of got us in that mindset that we were supposed to be getting 100% all of the time. And so we beat up on ourselves a lot.

And so just like anybody else who would be working really

hard at things, and who would be really putting forth their best efforts, who would bring the level of compassion and care and intention, or thoughtfulness and kindness that you bring into the world? Why should you not be appreciated for it? And why not appreciate yourself? We'll talk more about that later. The second reason why I think it's really important for us to focus on appreciating ourselves

is because we are the vessels, like everything that we put out into the external world, the way we interact with people, the energy we bring, the work we do, the contributions we make, like, where do those come from, they come from inside of here, right? They come from inside this vessel.

And when this vessel and this soul that's within the vessel is really well cared for, feels really good, and content and an ease, more relaxed, it brings for things that are that much more powerful into the world,

bring forth joy, we bring forth light, we bring forth beautiful energy,

when what's inside of here, is frustrated, resentful, angry, exhausted, overstressed. Then even our ability to appreciate others to have gratitude for others, to have kindness for others is compromised.

I've talked about this a lot, can we give out something that we don't have. And I'm a big believer that we can't.

And so I've used this phrase in the past about radical self care. And so I like to practice radical self care, take care of this self first. And then everything that this self does in the world will take care of itself.

And so alongside of that, a good partner to that radical self care, is self appreciation.

And toward the end of this month, in one of our leadership episodes, you're going to hear from Dr. Paul White, who is the founder and president president of a company called appreciation at work. And Dr. Paul white, had an opportunity, he created the opportunity, let's say he manifested the opportunity to co author along with Dr. Gary Chapman, a book that takes the five love languages that many of us are familiar with, and translate them for the workplace. So the five languages of appreciation in the workplace. So this is a little preview for that. But if we go back to the five love languages, and I'm going to kind of go through each of them.

The other reason I think we should really focus on our appreciating ourselves is that, who better to know exactly how we would like to be appreciated than us?

Now, this isn't to say that we shouldn't hope or want or expect or enjoy, let's just say at least enjoy when others extend appreciation to us. But should we have to wait for that? Should we be dependent on when some whether somebody else chooses to do that?

Or can we actually give that to ourselves? Can we care enough about ourselves? Can we appreciate ourselves enough? In order to extend this appreciation? inward? I want to say that the answer to that is unequivocally yes. And my hope is that by the end of this podcast, you will take in that phrase about what do I appreciate about me? And instead of feeling like that's an awkward phrase, or something really strange to consider that you will have this hell yes response. It's like, Yes, I do appreciate me. And I take time for that regularly. Because I love who I am. I appreciate who I am. I recognize the beauty I bring into the world. And I want to honor it. So that is my hope for you is that by the end of this podcast, that's you raising up your harms and saying yes, I do. I totally appreciate me.

So in terms of these five love languages, and how might you go about appreciating yourself?

So the five love languages are words of affirmation, quality, time, acts of service, touch, and gifts. So let's just say

talk through those because I want to inspire you with ideas for how you might think about going about appreciating yourself and talk to you a little bit about how I do it.

So words of affirmation, statistically is the one that most people respond to it is not my number one, but I'm going to talk about it first anyway, because it is for many people, whereas people who like to hear good things about themselves, right, they like to hear that either they've done well, or something that they've engaged with has really had meaning to somebody, you know, even saying to somebody like, No, thank you for saying that. You're saying that really made me feel better or made me think about something that was really important for me to understand or pay attention to? Or maybe I appreciate that you went out of your way to do something for me, but saying those words to somebody, for many people that makes them feel really good. They like words of affirmation. Well, why can't we have words of affirmation for ourselves as well? Why can't we actually affirm ourselves? And I've started to do this, like, wow, Dana, you did a really good job with that. Or, you know, you took that time to meditate, it brought everything together, and things run smoothly today, good job. Sometimes words of affirmation can come with things we say out loud to ourselves. Sometimes they can come at things we say out loud about ourselves with someone else or to someone else. Sometimes they can come in little notes we leave around the house for ourselves. I know some people who love to leave little sticky notes around their house, and they leave positive affirmations like affirmations are a part of the love language in terms of words, right? words of appreciation, affirmation. I like to do it in journaling. So it can be written words, it can be sticky notes, it can be in that form, it can be out loud. And what about those magnets on the refrigerator, right? Like lots of times people use those magnets are used to those magnets on the refrigeration refrigerator, and leave messages for themselves. But why not why even call yourself on the phone and leave yourself a really nice voicemail that you can listen to.

So words of affirmation, quality time think this is my number one. This is my number one when people take time out of their day. And when they write me an email, when I get an email from somebody, I love what people say, what I really appreciate even more is that somebody sat down in their day, everything that was going on for them. And they took a moment of their time to redirect their attention to send me a note. Maybe it was about a podcast or the email newsletter or about something else that's coming out. Or it was just a friend who did or a colleague who said I'm thinking of you. And I do this, you know, for others where I sit down, I think, you know, who am I thinking about right now? Who do I want to actually take a moment just to pause and be with and spirit. Sometimes I write that text, sometimes I just hold them in my heart.

And with my daughters. For me, it's not about necessarily what are we doing. But it's the quality time of being together that when they come back from college or wherever they are, and they want to spend time together snuggling up on the couch doing something we do that, to me feels like a love language, and a language that says Mom, I appreciate you. And so how do we spend quality time with ourselves. And it's funny, because if you read the November newsletter, you know, I was on vacation. And I took myself on vacation. And I had such an incredibly fabulous time. I'm really good company for myself, I really enjoy doing what I feel like doing when I want to do it and listening into my own spirit, my own body and my own timing and all those kinds of things. And so one of the ways I show appreciation for myself is to schedule time to be just with me, that's my meditation time. That's my journaling time before bed. That's when I go to the ashram or to an Airbnb or something like that. That's was this vacation taking an entire week, just to be with me just to fill myself back up and give myself what I needed. I felt so appreciated by myself by the end of that week. So quality time,

a third way the third love language, right? One of them is gifts, buying small things. So some people love to give gifts, they love to receive little gifts. That's how they feel that somebody was paying attention to me. And sometimes we do that for ourselves. When do we ever say You know what? I'm going to go get myself whether it's that special cup of coffee, or I'm going to go

by myself, this little thing I've been seeing in the store that I really want, or maybe it's just something very small, maybe I've been wanting to make a contribution to something, and it just keeps slipping away, or there hasn't been a good cause a good time for it. And I can just say, You know what, I'm going to do this. Today, I might even do it in honor of myself, because it feels good if I'm moved to do it. And I'd like to, so little gifts. And gifts can also be things that I make, like I find when I make myself food that I really know I'm going to enjoy. That's like a gift to me. So I've made myself a gift, I've prepared a week full of really wonderful, healthy lunch, that's a gift to me.

So a fourth language of love and appreciation is acts of service, doing things for somebody and caring for someone. And it's interesting to think about doing an act of service for oneself. But I thought about this and aren't there sometimes those things where you think I really, really want to get that done, whether it's, I want to get that chore cleaned, I want to reorganize my closet, I want to really sit down and make that photo album or collage, or I really want to sit down and make that you know, holiday card. But there are things that you think about that you would like to do for yourself, that maybe consistently fall to the bottom of your to do list, because you're always doing for others, you're placing their needs or their desires that their happiness above yours. But what if, in this time of appreciating you, you take something that would really be in service to you, and you bump it up to the top of the list. Again, I look around every day and say hmm, like what are things I could do that would actually make me feel more organized, more at ease more relaxed, and bump those up so that every week I can have one or two of those on my list and actually get them done, because I deserve it. And it's a way of appreciating and valuing me.

And then lastly is this touch right acts of touch. So you can interpret that however you like. But, you know, in the five love languages, it's right, whether it's putting your arm around somebody giving a hug this pomp, you know, intimate, touching, and things like that. And so you can go with that wherever you want. But I know that for me, you know what, it's actually probably my second biggest love language is I like to have things that involve touch. So I get regular massages, because that is a way that I can give myself that gift.

You know, pretty regularly every month I go. And even going to the chiropractor and getting adjusted where somebody is putting their hands in my body and helping it to kind of be restored back to its healthy place. I love to sit and snuggle. I love hugs when I meet people. And so for me putting my arm around somebody around their shoulders, having them put their arm around me. So those are things I really like. And so when it comes to that touch, and things where I can engage maybe people, you know, hands on Reiki, the massage therapist,

and in the chiropractor or different ways or just with people that I care about spending that time where there's some physical touch, I make that a priority. And I give that to myself. And here's the end result, like these are five different languages of love and appreciation, things that you can not only give to others, but you can give it to you as well. And here's what I have found over time, is that if I'm regularly doing this, if I am regularly caring well for myself, I am so much better in the outside world, that I have more to give things that I give come with a sense of intention and compassion and love that others can feel a sense of presence. That's I'm always giving out and giving out and giving out even if it's giving out appreciation to others, but I'm not receiving it back. I'm not receiving it necessarily as much as I'd like from others, and I'm not receiving it from myself, then there's like an emptiness inside. And that void or that emptiness will actually diminish what I have to give out to others.

So, as we're in this month of focusing on appreciation and gratitude, I want to invite you to step up and spend some of that energy considering how you can appreciate you how can you talk to you and about you in nicer ways. How can you shower yourself with little gifts that are meaningful to you put some of those acts of service the things that would feel good and be ways to care well for you up higher on the list. Give yourself

have, you know touches something that you care about? How can you give yourself some gifts of that? And how can you spend some quality time just for you? That's my invitation. My challenge and my invitation. And my hope truly is that now that we've reached kind of the end of this podcast that you are thinking, Hmm, I'd like to try that. Or at the very least, I'm curious about it.

And so throughout this month, you'll be thinking about how can I appreciate others well, and another game changing question, how can I appreciate myself well, this month,

so stay with us, follow us on Instagram, we have content coming out all month. Stay with us with these podcasts throughout the month. If you have comments or questions, you can reach us at info at courage to be curious, calm. You can find us on LinkedIn, on Instagram On Facebook, any of those places. And mostly we want you to remain curious. Keep listening and share the wealth. Share the wealth of these podcasts out with people that you know who you feel like would enjoy and benefit from the content. Thanks so much for listening and look for us again next week on courage to be curious the Dena tow Bell

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