How and when do I tell my family I am leaving the church?

Solocast. Probably one of the hardest parts about leaving religion is telling your family, am I right? Is that one of the reasons you still stay is because you don't know how your loved ones will react?

Today I am diving into tips and tools with how to navigate this part of your journey.

Remember that fear is just excitement without the breath.

Come join my speakers symposium! Grab your seat today: https://www.amandajoyloveland.com/leanin

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Transcript

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Welcome, welcome. Welcome to my podcast leaving religion and those were they behind. I am your host, Amanda Joy Loveland. And as always, I am thrilled to be here with you today. And I am just on the hills of an amazing, amazing retreat that I got to facilitate with some really stunning women. And it's really it was a really cool experience to be with all women this time, and to surround each other and such beauty and love and safety. Anyway, it's oh my gosh, I just I love creating these spaces. I love stepping into this and, and then just watching, watching the courage all these women have to transform. It's just, it's just stunning. And I have a another retreat coming up in May for all of you writers out there that are looking for a sacred writer's retreat. I will be co facilitating this with my beautiful publisher Kira Poulson and we will be assisting you in how to create your book from a place of sacredness, and our books are already written. And if you're listening to this, and you know, you have a book in you, it's because you have been called, and there's the sacred writing that gets to be experienced through you. And often we get caught up in how do I write, how do I even Where do I even start, and this retreat is, oh, my gosh, this retreat is just going to be another stunning one. Although I don't know how I'm going to talk. My last one, I'm going to be honest. So I'm really curious to see what gets to come forth in that retreat, and may head over to my website to get more details. Also, I, I am needing your help. I am starting to start creating speaker symposiums. This is something I saw a few years ago coming in. And my first one is April 24, in Highland, Utah, and it's right above blue lemon, there, there's a beautiful event room that I get to use. And I have six speakers total, including myself that are coming for a day experience, where you get to be immersed with the speakers. And what do I mean by that? Each speaker has such qualities of like, they're just so authentic and genuine and so, so skilled and talented in what they do. And each will be bringing such a unique flavor to what they're offering, that they will be going guiding you through different meditations or different exercises with yourself to really walk out when you walk out the door, you will have skill sets. And you may even be transformed through that de experience. So that you can actually take it and move through the world in a different way. Often we're looking for, for ways in which we can be more and more ourselves coming more and more into who we are. And when we go to speakers events, they're beautiful, and they're motivating, and they're uplifting. But it's so often that we walk away with Yeah, that was great. And then now what? Well, this is one of those things that you will have several now what several tools to access several things that you will learn through this immersive day experience, to where you will be able to lean more and more into your light. I have a speaker that's going through, you know, really deconstructing your story and that you are not your story and how to dis identify with it. I have another speaker talking about quantum entanglement even know what that is. It's so fascinating. And I have another speaker that is speaking to mindset and gratitude and how powerful that as it is and what it actually does to the brain. I will be speaking on finding your spiritual center. And I have another speaker that will be talking to thriving instead of surviving so many times we're in this mindset of just surviving surviving that we forget to thrive in life. And then another speaker that's speaking to trauma that's held in the body and how to move it and how to release it because our cells hold trauma. And this will be an experience that you will always remember. I know I've had a few people reaching out asking if they would be forced to do exercises with other people. And I get that something like this feels that it goes out of your comfort zone. And to be completely honest, I don't think so. And I don't know. I've invited each speaker to come in and bringing their own flair and their own experience and their own expertise. And really, when I create I go into flow and if spirit shows me to go do and create something to where we're doing an experience with each other then that might be what we do. So one of the things one of the greatest lessons and tools that I have come to learn and to really live by in my life is when I feel uncomfortable and lift that like nervousness energy That is my indicator to step in. Because those are the moments that we start pushing up against those comfort zones. And are, we're asking to move beyond our comfort zones, we're asking to be become more and more who we are. And this experience is one of those. So please help me I really want to get this event sold out my first event, I really want to sell it out. And if you go to my website, Amanda loveland.com, forward slash lean in, you can grab your ticket there. So today, today today, I wanted to talk about often when we leave religion, we get really uncomfortable and really nervous with how do I tell my family and my loved ones. And that is probably one of the hardest parts, right? You get to this place where man you know what your truth is, you know, where this is just not working for you, you can't feel in alignment and still be in, in sacrament in church and and within that, that church construct any longer. And then the fear comes of how will I be perceived? And how will I be received from my family members. And there's this really interesting thing called being kicked out the tribe, and tribal law we have in our society, and embedded actually, in our DNA, is this innate need to live within the tribe, our tribal system is our family. It's our unit, it's, it's really a lot about survival. We feel, you know, way back when our, our family and our units were part of how we survived, we had each other's back when we were, you know, if you're talking a way back into caveman time, when you everything you did was dependent upon your survival, our family members were really important to that. And those connections in that love. And that holding was really important. So as we as we have evolved as a species, in a lot of ways, we are, it's interesting, because we're becoming less and less community oriented. And this is one of the reasons why I know a lot of people have a hard time leaving religion, because the community is such a beautiful thing. And it's still needed. And yet our society, we're becoming less and less connected, and going more and more to technology, right? We think we're connecting through social media and really assist that we don't have that human touch, we don't have that human connection. And this weekend was really a stunning reminder to me of how important sacred spaces are, and how important coming together is. And so there is this embedded part of our DNA and actually part of our subconscious holding that if I go against the Tribal Law, which oftentimes includes religion, I will be kicked out. And that is part of our survival, we feel that that is very unsafe. And so it becomes very scary. How, especially if it's our partner, if it's our spouse, that we're, they're still in, we're wanting to be out, how do we do that? And my biggest, biggest, biggest advice to you is to get really right with yourself first. And what do I mean by that? I mean, when, when we come to a decision that is pretty big like this, we often want to seek for outside validation that what we're doing is the right thing, which is really ironic, because we're kind of tired of being told what to do by a system by a religion. And yet we're so conditioned to it, we find our answer, we receive it, we actually have our intuition very much intact. It's the thing that's telling us, Hey, Red Flags, red flags, red flags, we need, you know, this isn't for us anymore. And then we start moving out of it, we think we don't have intuition, or we don't know how to tap into it. And yet, that's the thing that led you to where you're, you are right now. And then you start looking for that external validation. And part of this is because of a dynamic that is called the drama dynamics. There's also the triangle of disempowerment. And it's something that I love, love, love to teach, because it's something that most of us are unaware of. And in the drama dynamics, there's four roles in the triangle, there's three. And the drama dynamics was recently introduced to me and I loved the fourth role. So I'm going to speak to that for a moment. But we go from victim perpetrator, or the bully, to rescuer hero, and then the avoidant, the one who puts their head in the sand and pretend like they're not a part of that any of the drama. And what's really interesting is we do this with ourselves internally all the time. And one of the indicators of knowing that you're on the drama dynamics is actually seeking for outside validation. Seeking to know you're okay, it's kind of that victim like feeling like we're a victim to this system. And now Holy crap, but really, we're dancing around this dynamics within ourselves. We're dancing around this being a victim to ourselves and having that internal bully that's Telling us oh my gosh, you should be doing this, you should be doing better, you should be all the shoulds. And you know, all the rules and all the things that we should be playing. And then we have that hero that wants to come and try and rescue us. No, we're okay, we got this, we can, we can do this, let me bend over, let me go give to everyone else in my world, instead of actually focusing on what my needs are. And then the avoidance of okay, I'm just going to pretend, you know, maybe you're the type of person that just wants to avoid telling anybody that you've left religion, because it's easier to do that we're gonna, we're gonna hide that we have coffee, or we're gonna hide that we drink, because we don't want our family members to know. And, and we think that, you know, it will be more respectful. If we abide to our parents rules and systems, even though we're 40 years old. You know, it's such an interesting, it's such an interesting dynamic. And so this comes again, back to where it is really, really important, in my opinion, to get right within yourself first. And when we get right within ourselves first, and we start moving through those places within us that have felt anger, that feel uneasy, that are actually grieving the death process through leaving religion, when we allow for ourselves to move through all of that to a pretty healed state before we choose to tell anyone. When we do communicate, you, you come from more of a place of knowing. I know, when I left, I had a such a clear knowing. And I didn't leave, I didn't have anger, I didn't have malice. It was such if you haven't heard my story, I'll just repeat it here a little bit. But I, you know, I was a very Mormon, I was born and raised in the Mormon religion, it was embedded in my DNA very deeply embedded in my DNA, DNA. And it's also most of my family members still participate in the Mormon religion. And at the time, when I left, all of my family was still in. And this is on the heels of my dad passing away who, you know, the patriarch of a family, I'm on the hills of, hey, I'm getting divorced. I'm the first member of my family to get divorced. And I, my ex husband, soon to be ex husband and I were still kind of just playing the parts in our, in our ward family. And I, he was sleeping downstairs, we're starting to work through it, we had young children, I don't know that I don't at that point, I don't believe we had told our kids yet that we were getting divorced. And I was teaching gospel doctrine, which I absolutely loved. And I was also learning Reiki, at the time, I've always been one that's been really curious to know more and to seek more and to seek more of what the spiritual energetics really hold for us, and to seek more of that what is our human capability or spirit capability and human form. And so I'm learning all these modalities, and I'm learning more and more about my intuitive skills and, and my sensitivities and these gifts that are embedded with me and growing more and more of those. And as I'm teaching this lesson, all of a sudden, I go to bear my testimony. And I when I went to go in Mormonism, it's very common to bury your testimony, you know, I, whatever you believe is true in that lesson, and the church and etc, etc. And I went to go do that and nothing was there. It was tumbled lately, blink. And all of a sudden, all these things that I had believed was true and felt was true to that point had died. It was the weirdest, coolest thing in a lot of ways, because it was in some ways easier. And I all I could do is bear my testimony in love and light. And then I could see so clearly and I had just this instant, knowing that I was done with this religion, there was something more it was almost like I graduated high school or graduated, entry school. And now it was time for me to seek and understand what else there was to be learned and understood. And, you know, ironically, right after that I was released from the Chi was super, it was a total coincidence. I was released from my calling. I had it for several years, so I wasn't surprised but it was interesting timing. I mean, literally, right after that lesson, hey, the bishop would like to see you I get released my soon to be ex husband was he for some reason was worried that I would think it was his fault. It was it was so weird. Anyway, so when I left I had such an innate, strong knowing that I couldn't, there was nothing within me to really balance with it. And I was receiving it and a lot of love and appreciation and it felt very peaceful for me. And I I liken it to being in the eye of a tornado or the eye of the hurricane, right, everything around. The hurricane is just whipping and whirling. But the eye the center of it is calm and peaceful. And this answer for me is was exactly that. And actually, when you are looking for answers when you're seeking for inspiration, and and to know your intuition, that is an indicator when it's calm and it's peaceful and Everything just fills settled. And again, I'm just gonna use the word peaceful, you know that that you've hit on an answer. And if things feel a little chaotic and you're receiving things, I would sit on it and wait until it becomes peaceful. And then that's your indicator that that's your answer to whatever you're seeking. But I remember having a conversation with my mom, who her and I were quite close at the time, and we still are, but at the time, you know, it was challenging to be sharing with her that I, we were going through divorce, and then now on the heels of this, sharing that I was leaving the Mormon church. And again, if you have if you've heard my story, I apologize. Some of this is repetitive. But it was, you know, as I'm making my peace with this. And really, it was interesting, because my dad was with me quite a bit through that time. And my dad, like I said, had passed. And so as I'm working through this, I had sought out some, you know, it's normal to seek out others in talking through it and wanting to move through the healing process of is this what I really want? And is this just to validate that and I, I had sought out someone who, we had a conversation and she was channeling some of the energy she communicated, that if I ever needed an answer to know, if I was on my right path, I would see it in the form of butterflies. And the irony with that is you're always on your right path. But there is this interesting dynamic because in Mormonism, and with most religions, but because I know Mormonism, the best will speak to that. You know, we talk about the iron rod following the iron rod and the path is narrow, you know, the gate, the gate is what is the path is narrow street is the street is the path, whatever the gate, you know, all that. I know, you guys know what I'm talking about. I can't recall it right this minute. And I remember having a young woman's activity of pretend, you know, being blindfolded, it's all dark, dark, and we have to hold on to the iron rod. And yet, there'd be all these people trying to tempt us and sway us away, to getting off the right path. And, again, it's like this interesting embeddedness in our subconscious, and in our psyche, that there's only one true path. And yet, we are always on our right path. No matter where we are in our life, we are always learning we are always growing. And the beautiful thing about life and about who we are, is life is always giving us feedback. So we know if our soul is trying to move us back to what our souls purpose is. And what we're wanting to create on a soul level, is when we start bumping up with those places that feel heavy, that are hard, that are sad, we're starting to feel depressed, these are those kind of those bumpers of Okay, great, do you keep Do you still want to keep believing this or thinking this or acting in this way. Because if you do that, it's going to be a lot harder, versus if we could just put that down. Let that go grieve through whatever that is, and then move more in the middle of the path. And I hope this is making sense. But that's one thing as I'm sharing all this, I want you to each and every one of you to know that you're always on your right path, no matter where you are. And if it's becoming difficult in your life is showing up in a difficult place. Then what needs to change within you? What is it that you're avoiding looking at with whatever distractions are going on in your life? What are you avoiding that if you were just to face that lean into that, and even lean into the discomfort to let it move through you will bring you more centered and more aligned on your path. There is a beautiful, beautiful woman as a shaman. Shamans really believe in this practice of being an irony that is what a shaman does, she is has a practice of being an irony and it is right relationship with self or right reciprocity with self. And there's a few beautiful stories that illustrate this one is kind of legend and lore. I don't know if this is a true story or not. But there was a village at the top of these mountains, very, very top of these mountains. And they depended upon their crops for survival. And they were going through a drought, which naturally would be quite scary because if their crops grow, don't grow, they don't have food and that they depend on it for their survival. And so they call a shaman into the village. And as she calls comes into the village, she asks for a hut to stay in. And as she goes into this hut, she's in there for three days. And she comes out on the third day and as she comes out the rains come and then people praise her and celebrate her and thank her and and you know, what did you do? And she said your village was so out of irony that it took me three days to get into it within myself to come back into balance within myself. And once I did that it reverberated out into the land and allowed for the land to come more into balance. And there's another story that's similar that I understand that this is a true story. And it was in Machu Picchu. And they were having fires that were starting to come into the land. And they call in several shamans and the shamans come in, they use their drums or rattles, and they start doing their, their things around the land and one of the shamans comes in, and again asks for a little hut to go into. And after a few days, she comes out in the fire stop. And she said, you know, they all the villagers knew that it was her. That was really what brought the fires to a to a stop. And they asked her, What did what does she do. And she said, I went within, in that heart, I went within myself, I gave time and space, to come into my awareness of myself and find those places within me that were out of alignment. And when I balanced those and brought those into Amy into right relationship with self, again, it reverberate it out into the planet. And we the power that we have within ourselves, of knowing who we are of knowing our truth of finding our spiritual centers, of trusting ourselves is the greatest gift that you can give to yourselves and then therefore others. And so I love this story. Because as we're, as we're navigating through this journey of life, and what's right and what's wrong, and what's the right path, and what's the wrong path. And again, you're always on your right path, but being more than it is like the center of the path of being in that right relationship. And so when you get to a point to where you are ready to share with your loved ones, I would ask you to, to check in to see if you're at a place in your life in a place in your knowing that you're ready to share from that place of feeling at peace and at oneness with it. And that's how it was for me. I was very calm, I was very peaceful, there was no doubt that this was my path. And it was to leave religion. And so when I told my mom granted, I was, of course, I was nervous, of course, I was scared. I mean, that's extremely natural, we're not sure how the other person is going to react. But when I shared it, it came from such a place of love for myself and actually for my mother, because I knew that this would be challenging for her to hear. But yet again, I was so solid in who I was and where I was going, that it was okay, regardless of what her action or reaction was. And we end up having a really beautiful conversation, there was no attacking, there was an open communication and, and I, as the conversation continued, It was early spring, we go and start sitting on this the swing set my swing set in my backyard. And man, I think it was early March, which in Utah, I mean, you don't see butterflies yet. And beautiful huge monarch butterfly came and landed on the chain of my swing. And to this day, it's a memory that still brings a lot of emotion. Because as we step out, and as we have the courage to follow our souls path. And it does take a lot of courage. It is a beautiful experience to have these subtle knowings that we're not alone. And oftentimes, we feel alone in this journey. And so when we can come more and more in balance within ourselves, and find more and more of those places within us that we trust that we can depend on that we can know that we can feel right within ourselves, then the world shows up in such a beautiful way to support us in that and you get to ask for spiritual help. You get to ask for your loved ones for spirits for guides to be present with you. I know as I was moving through leaving religion actually bought a tarot deck, you know, and that's kind of like this. Oh my gosh, that's a little bit of that voodoo kind of mysticism that is very much frowned upon, especially in in religion and Mormonism. And the irony is, is my first tarot deck was an Illuminati deck. And but it was something that called to me and every morning I would draw a card. And as I started practicing this, these kind of leaning into more the spirituality which is more my soul's calling, the answers that I would receive and the messages I would receive from these cards were like my guides and my spirits talking to me, and I felt so comforted and knew I wasn't alone. You guys, this process that you're going through and have been going through are just starting to go through, you will move through a death process, you will move through the grieving stages. So let yourself move through it without judgment without jumping on the drama dynamics of thinking what's wrong with me and attacking others and thinking they should support you in a different way, you cannot control how other people are going to react to your decision. So the more you can get in alignment with who you are and where you're going, and what your choices, the last, the other people around, you will rattle you. And it won't matter. When we get so caught up in demanding or expecting our family members and our loved ones to support us in what we're choosing to do, the harder it will be when you can let go of love for yourself and for others because they're in their path and you're on yours. And just like you have your filters in your way that you're seeing the world they're doing the same. And, and no more than they can control you in how you're seeing, you can't do the same with them. And our expectations, when we have that attachment to outcome, you will you will be disappointed. If you have an attachment to how it should go down. You will be disappointed. And this is where I really really love Michael singers work. And the not the Untethered Soul but the it's about oh, the surrender experiment. He does his beautiful, beautiful book, this surrender experiment. And then on Audible, he has it on Audible. But also there's a surrender experience that he then goes into a lecture style of then how do you actually move through the world and more of a place of surrender, because we all have this place of control of thinking that, that we have this ability to control others or control outcome or control the world. And that actually creates more pain and more difficulties for us in navigating our past than if we were just to let go and to surrender. So again, you know, as I was sharing my personal story, it was a beautiful process with my mom. And when I first shared with her, and she also had to go through her mourning phases. You know, we can't expect our loved ones to not have an emotional response is going it's you know, death. If you were to lose a loved one, it hits everyone differently, doesn't it? Some people are gonna get angry, some people will be sad, some people will be complacent, some people numb out, it just depends. It's the same thing. When you tell your loved ones that you're done with a religion that may have been part of your system, your family's upbringing and part of your DNA. I know with I loved my guest, Mimi Knowles that has shared when his wife told him that she was done, you know, his honest reaction that he was angry, and that he had to move through a lot of different emotions and actually went to therapy and had to go through some different stages. And then it actually brought them closer together as a couple. And we cannot be afraid to tell our loved ones, how we're really feeling and own ourselves and own our truth, for fear of losing them. Because then you're just stepping into a dissin just in genuine relationship and no one wants that. We want to be honest with who we are, and then show that into the world. We are in a world that is wanting and creating authenticity and truth. And the first place that you can do that is within yourself. And so as I move through my, you know, sharing with my mom, and then my family is it kind of rippled out, they all got to have their, their reactions to it. And with my mom, we were the one that had the most conversations later, she invited me to come to the temple. You know, it was hard for her, of course, it would be when she invited me to come to the temple and, and I sat with it for a minute and somewhat out of respect to her and to myself and to my family. I said yes. You know, I checked in and it's like, yeah, you know what, I will go to the temple. I will. I will ask because I didn't ask. That's the irony with my story. I didn't ask if this was I was done. I just had a knowing that I was and it kind of came out of nowhere. And so this was like, okay, yeah, I'll go put my garments back on. And I will go, I saw the temple recommended, I will go into the temple, and I will sit there with an open mind. And really, truly ask. And I did. And I went with my mom and I saw things in a different way that I hadn't seen before. And at a point, the time in the temple ceremony and then dominant session. It was when the women were asked to veil their faces when they did the prayer circle. I don't even know if they still do the prayer circles. But the women were asked to build their faces and in that moment, the words came so strong thing in my head. Oh my god, I'm in a cult and I think it was oh my gosh, because I didn't say God at the time. Or oh my hell, I'm in a cult. And that was my last like, that was the last nail in the coffin and the you know, we went we finished the session and then went celestial room and, and my mom knew she knew that I was done. And in a lot of ways I'm grateful that she had enough sensitivity to know that that I was done and And we still had conversations after that. And, and I remember, you know, at lunch, her asking me if I believed in God. And I told her no, I didn't. And at the time, I really didn't I didn't believe the Mormon God, that God had died. And then some. And that actually was a harder for me that was one of the hardest parts of my transition out of religion was when my God died. And it was almost like the rug had been ripped out from beneath me, and nothing felt stable. And that was a challenging time for me to go through with with that. And, you know, when we had that conversation, she was asking if I believed in God, and I said, No, that was really hard for her. And, you know, the irony is, now, you know, I look at that was back in 2012. Now, 10 years later, I have such a personal relationship with God, that is so deeply embedded within me, and is so different from anything that I have ever been taught in my, in my life, it's been a personal inquiry, to moving from God to source to not really caring what that looks like, but believing there's something up there, but not quite sure, but definitely not a white man sitting on a throne telling you, you're good or bad. Because that the the irony is, is God, by definition, is a unconditionally loving God. So the idea that we think that there would be a god that would tell someone that they're good, and someone that they're bad, and send one to heaven in one to hell, is not an unconditionally loving God. And so it took me some time to go through and move through those those processes in that movement of what God God got to be. And when a friend of mine kind of challenged my because I really hung on to the idea that we're all gods, right? We're part of this thing, and we're all gods. And there's truth in that. But it's more of this idea that we're gods in training. And as I got to actually ask, I was at a point in my life, where I was ready to see who and what God was for me. And when I asked to see this, it came in so clearly. And with that, I got to really have a deeper relationship with God and with Jesus, Jesus has changed exponentially, compared to what what I grew up to believe he was. And it's fun, you guys, it's painful, it's harder to go down this path, I'm not gonna lie. It's harder in a lot of ways, because you get to face those places within you that are asking to be unbound. And it's easier in some ways just to follow someone else's path, someone else that tells you this is how you're going to get to heaven. And this is what you need to do to obtain celestial, celestial, the celestial kingdom, or whatever salvation is easier. However, your soul, it's harder for the soul. It's not fulfilling, it doesn't feel purposeful, at least for me, and I'm assure those that are listening. So going down this other path, and sharing and leaning more and more into the authenticity of all that you are, so that you can experience yourself at a soul level, is one of the most profound experiences that I think we are all asking to have. And it is not. It's not effortless. It's not just all of a sudden, we're going to arrive at this destination, and whoa, everything's great. It's like it, that's not it at all, that that quote that life is, is not about the destination, it's about the journey is 100% accurate. However, you get to a point in your evolution when you're willing to lean in. And when you're willing to look at your accountability and taking radical accountability for every aspect of your life, when you're able to do that, and have the courage and you start growing these aspects within you growth to is takes effort, right? It doesn't just like, Okay, I'm gonna snap my finger and all this, I'm going to have this. But it can be easy in the sense that we get to lean in and healing does not have to be as painful as original wounding. And as we continue to lean in and lean in and lean in, our lives become less and less chaotic, less and less difficult, even though we will still so in some ways, in my experience, we come to more and more of an arrival within ourselves. And within that spiritual center, that is us that is connected to all things. We come into the stillness within. And when we come there, we're less identified from our emotions. We're less identified from the thoughts we're less identified with, with the actions of others that they have in our life. And instead, it's just feedback. It's just giving us information. And we get to feel these emotions that run through, but they don't stop us from continuing to live our life. They don't overtake they don't overwhelm they don't consume And it becomes more and more of a beautiful dance in this game of life that we get to play, and in my opinion, we are all here to learn how to become God in form. And what is that. And I think for each and every one of us, that's going to look a little bit different. But I owe you guys I love sharing the space with you. I love sitting in this spiritual center and the spiritual space with sharing what I've learned and what I continue to learn and sitting in spaces with my guests and in my retreats, and my classes and, and learning from each other, and really holding space for each other because we are all here to support each other and help each other home. And again, that place of home is within the self, it's within us everything that you are looking for is right here within you. And a lot of times it just takes time to remove the layers to lean in to look past the parts that feel difficult to dive into the emotions that we get to fill it all the way through. If you listen to my, one of my last episodes about the dark night of the soul and the Upper Limiting, that's very real, our emotions are meant to be felt they are fuel actually for our growth. So lean and find those places within you that need to have peace and comfort before you share with your family with your within your worlds. And then when you are triggered when you have those moments of being triggered, because it does, it's not that it's going to be easy, but it will be easy. Or when you become more you have more of that peace and that strong knowing within you. It's easier. But there's still layers, there's still those moments where somebody is going to be asked calling up be called up, you know to say the prayer, or I don't know how I'm gonna raise my kids now or all these questions, be curious with how it gets to look and how it gets to be different and how you can approach things differently. And when you get triggered? Yes, here's another place within you that you get to look and lean into and ask the question, why is why was I triggered by this? Is it something within me that gets to be looked at, to be healed? To be alchemize? Is it something that were a place in my life where I get to send a set of boundary with myself of hey, you know, my family was, we have a family group text. And a while ago, you know, it'll be about family dinner and sports events and different things. But then there started to become this religious conversation through the family text. And at the time, my sister had also left her and her family had left and then me and my family and you know, we're out. And yet here's this family texts going around about Mormonism that in my opinion was really disrespectful. And I know they didn't do it from a place meaning to be disrespectful. But it was and it was crossing a boundary for me. So I just said, Hey, you know, why don't it would be great if you guys could start how about you start a family tax that's for your religious conversations, because I know I have no interest in hearing or reading any of this. And I probably set it a little bit better, a little bit worse, I don't even know. Remember, it's been a few years. And there was no response. But the those texts stopped. And that's what I needed to do. And those boundaries that we get to hold are really for ourselves and ourselves first. And then the way that we communicate how we how a boundary is there's kind of a dance around this, and maybe I'll do an episode later around boundaries and how to navigate that. And but when you get triggered, those are the two things you get to look at. And don't respond from a place of being triggered. Because you will most likely say something that you will regret. And when we can just sit in our emotions and allow that energy to move through and not respond and either remove ourselves from that situation or just allow for the emotions to move and still be able to sit there, then we get the opportunity afterwards to go Why did this trigger me? It what's the belief that I'm holding that I'm I have a fear that may be true? Or is there a boundary here that's been crossed, that needs to be communicated or I need to understand that this is a boundary within my within myself. And one of the years ago, and I believe I've shared this story before so again, forgive me if you've heard this already. But when I was 19 I was diagnosed with bipolar. And it was a diagnosis I carried for years and it was a misdiagnosis. So it was an interesting journey for me to navigate through I was on medications for about a year and then got off of them and never was on medications again and and had that label on me for years and as I navigated through it and did different healing and work through it. It was very clear that I was not bipolar and yet I had so identity If it was labor for labor for a long time that I actually used it as a scapegoat for why I couldn't do things or why wouldn't wouldn't be able to show up to do whatever. And as I healed that, and communicate that with my mom and my family, especially my mom, you know, years later, as I'm, you know, years had gone by now I'm going through my divorce and leaving religion. And my mom says to me, do you think maybe this is a bipolar episode? Which, yes, it triggered the hell out of me. And I'm like, what? And I responded, actually, from a place of I was calm and my response. I mean, it was definitely triggered. And that was an upsetting thing to hear. And I've just said to her, like, Mom, do we not all cycle every single one of us cycles? And no, this isn't a bipolar episode. I'm very, very clear minded and very conscious. And do you know what bipolar is? have you actually seen someone who has bipolar? Because I do not. And but I had to sit with that. And I remember talking to a beautiful friend of mine, who said, what if you did have bipolar? You know, what, what if I did? And that was that trigger of fear that made you know, what if I did, and what did that was why I was making these choices. And so I had to sit with that, because that's why I was triggered. My mom was just as family members do they operate again, from their filter and their systems that they're raised in and grown up. And then there has, in her mind, there has to be a logical explanation for why I'm behaving the way that I am. It was the same thing when I was 19. I didn't want to go to church, I wanted to get married. Like all these things that happened, I was kind of just spinning out in their minds. And in a lot of ways, I was trying to figure out who the hell I was. And they my parents needed a label, they needed something to go, oh, this is what's wrong with you. Because you're not fitting into this box that we've taught you that you're supposed to be in. And now fast forward, however, many years later, and it's the same dynamic. My mom was looking for something to justify to make sense to her why I was doing this. Because in her construct, it made no sense. No sense in mind, it very much did. But she can't know what I'm feeling. She can't know what I how I'm receiving my answers and why I'm feeling to do what I'm doing. And but so while while she had her filters, and I have mine, I got to sit in that. What if I am bipolar? And that was kind of hard actually to sit in. And you know, as I move through it, it's like so what if I was would that change a the choices and the decisions that I was making and change? What I felt like was bringing me closer and closer to my path in this life? And know, the answer was no. And so when I got at peace with that, it now it's one of those, you know, if it was ever brought up again, I think it would be comical, and actually quite sad. For me, to with my family members of just that, naivety and again, just the a little bit of the narrow mindedness, frankly, and where they need to put something a label on somebody else to make sense. And that is just an example of a very visual for me trigger. And that's something I'd invite you guys up to kind of play with, how can I use these triggers for growth to be able to look within me it's like with Michael singer, he talks about some scars that we carry. And that this, that surrender, living from a place of surrender is like floating down this beautiful, calm river. And we have samskaras that through our lives, through our wounding through our experiences are like boulders that get thrown in and created in this river of life. And we have a when a hits like going down this river and then a trigger comes and it's us hitting up against this samskaara. And really, it's just a wound or a scar on our hearts. This asking for light to be brought to it is asking for us to look at. And so we get to sit with that and get to look in and get to heal it if you want to everything in life is a choice, you guys, you can take anything that I'm saying and try to apply it in your life or not. I honestly I don't care. And because everything is a choice, and you get to live your beautiful life in the way that you want to live it and so does everyone else. So I hope that something here that I offered, helped you and maybe having a little bit more courage or more of a direction with how to move forward when you start spinning out and you start kind of becoming a victim to your emotions or a victim to the situation of leaving religion and not knowing where to go. Ask yourself what do I want? And then ask yourself what is one little step that I can take today to accomplish that? And if what you want is to have peace what can you do to accomplish that? Again, you can't ask anyone else for a piece that has to come within. And, yeah, what a beautiful, beautiful process. And I applaud you all for the courage that I have no doubt that each and every one of you is taking in your life. And with the sense of community, I have a Facebook group, you guys, I haven't done much on it, I'm going to be honest. And I would like to do more. And really, I would love for you to join the group and start asking questions and start assisting each other because it's all of us together that gets to support each other from a loving place. Hey, I'm struggling with this. Do you guys have suggestions or recommendations with how to how to move through it? My Facebook group is the same titles as past podcasts, even religion, and those really behind it is a private group. And you do have to answer questions to be a part of it. So it's a more of a secretive group. And it's sacred, in that in that space, because I know that it's hard to start moving into this direction. So yeah, head over to that group, if you want to join and start assisting me in creating this community. And again, if you're looking for things of how you can lean more and more into your light, come join us for my speaker symposium, lean into your life on April 24, please help me sell this thing out, I really want to sell it out. It's my first bigger symposium, it's going to be absolutely incredible. I have no doubt because again, the speakers that I'm bringing in are just beautiful, beautiful, empowered human beings, that have gone through some challenging places in their lives, and have come through it and come out on the other side and continue to navigate through it and, and get to help others to do the same. So grab those tickets, and yeah, know you're not alone. Ask source, the spirit's for help. If you're needing something, put that call out there to the universe, hey, I need to know I'm not alone today. I need to just assurance that what I'm making what I'm doing is right and then be open and pay attention to seeing the signs. Are you seeing Angel numbers? 1111 444333. Any, any of those repeated numbers are your angels telling you that where you are is right, you're on your path? You know, are you usually when you get something in threes, like somebody says something and in three different experiences they touch on? I don't know, some just, this is super random Orion's belts, the constellation Orion. And in three separate conversations that comes up, that's something to pay attention to. Usually three is our number of knowing, oh, I need to pay attention to this thing. So if you're having any of those things coming up in your life, just pay attention, you guys, the subtle realms are subtle. Spirituality is subtle. It is so innate. And it's part of who we are. That when we're seeking intuition and to strengthen that intuition, when we're seeking to have more and more awareness of our guides, and our sight and our hearing, whatever it is, it's so subtle. Because it's just a part of us. It's not something that's going to throw you, you know, there have been some people that have had pretty powerful awakenings. For the most part that is not common. And most of us will not go through that. And leaning in to these parts of us is very subtle. And the changes are subtle. And what a gift that they are subtle that they don't overtake that they are overwhelming that they're not crazy. And, you know if there's people that leave your life, because you're choosing a religion, it's probably a good thing. I've had many people leave my life and gone through many relationships. And I am so grateful. I could not be who I am today. If I was still married to my first husband, there's absolutely no way and I'm really grateful for that. While it was difficult and painful. I'm truly truly grateful my children would not be who they are today had they not gone through that experience with me and with their dad and continue to go through different experiences and has built skill sets within them that they would not have. And they have some skill sets that man I wish I had at their young age is quite beautiful. Selena and you guys have courage know that fear is just excitement without the breath. And with that said you all so much love