Being Seen & Heard

Where are we not allowing those in our circles to be seen and heard, especially with our men? 

Where are you not allowing yourself to own all parts of yourself and recognize the wholeness of all that you are?

It is time for us to pick up crosses, to burn them, to stop the suffering and to embody and be seen for all that we are. 

Let's stay in touch!

IG: @amanda.joy.loveland
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Transcript

Unknown: 0:03

Well, welcome, welcome, welcome it has been, man, I don't even know how many weeks since I have recorded and dropped a podcast. So I apologize to all of you that are weekly listeners and have missed out having new episodes drop today is a solo cast. And as I sat down, it kept filling to record and drop an episode this week, and I didn't have a guest. So it felt to sit down with you and share what comes out. And this one, what Phil's like we get to speak on or what I get to speak on and you and I are going to have a conversation, I'm going to pretend that you're sitting here with me, is around our men. And man, I'm going through some interesting personal things in my life right now, which is part of why I've I've kind of put my podcast on the side and, and I'm now just kind of getting back into it and getting some really amazing interviews lined up. But I'm going through another kind of personal shift, and ones that are something that is completely unexpected. And my world is somewhat getting flipped again. And that while there's pain that's happening, there's beauty in all of it. And I'm truly grateful, I'm grateful for the way that the universe has been showing up for me lately and the call that I am hearing very loudly, that if we are wanting a new way of living a new way of being in a new world, we cannot do it from the places that we have been. We can't do it from the constructs of what we have built on this planet so far in this lifetime. But instead need to come from something, some places that are new. And so in that I have been called to trust more to listen more and to trust. And one of the things that is coming up very loudly is our men, our men, our men, our men, and this personal thing that I'm going through happens to be with my husband. And I'll share more more later when I'm ready. But one of the things as I've been evaluating our relationship that I saw very clearly how often I have quieted him, where I have not allowed for him to be heard in our conversations where I've cut them off or corrected him. And I know it's not just me. And the conversations that I've had with different people over the last several weeks, and actually several months. It's been really interesting. In fact, today, I just had a conversation with some other friends of mine, and talking about the suicide rates with men. And the my friend threw out some statistics with the highest suicide, suicide rate of completion happens to be men, and I think it was ages 45 to 55. And the just the suicide rates in general with men are quite high. And why is that? And another friend of mine, who we were having a conversation several weeks ago, has shared some interesting thoughts and viewpoints around men that I hadn't thought about. And you know, as we when we get married, especially when we get married young, right? Women, you're gonna all I would love for you just to own we get to own our parts, right, we get to see how we're showing up in our world with our relationships, and, and have room to shift it and, and provide opportunities to open up to new ideas. And you know, when we get married, we fall in love with this man. And we get married, and then they want to still go do the things that they did before they were married and we get really upset. And no, I don't want you to go hang out with your friends. And no, you can't go play basketball with data. Because I'm at home and especially if you have kids and those dynamics that changes. And he made my friend Tony is Tony Gerber that had made a comment around this that you fell in love with that version of that man that did hang out with his friends that did these things before you met, you fell in love with that version, and then you want him to change. You want him to change to fit this idea of what you think a partnership and a marriage should look like based off of our societal conditioning and our side societal programming of what a partnership should look like. And men then you know, they carry this responsibility to provide and take care of the family. And they do so with sacrificing a lot of who they are. Now there's two sides of the coin right? There are also the feminine qualities that were the wives that were told, you know, and conditioned that this is what wives should do. And so there's both but I specifically want to talk to about our men. So we get married we have babies men go out provide that they're supposed to be their protectors, the providers, the care givers in that way the monetary Way, and they have all this immense pressure to do to do that. And they sacrifice a lot, and they sacrifice a lot of who they are to make their families happy to fit this ideal of what they're supposed to be. Meanwhile, How many friends do they have? What are they doing for themselves, it's not conditional Well, or justified, you know, if I, if I do this, and it's okay, if I spend money over here, if I do this thing, then I'll go. And then it'll justify why I can go spend time to go hang out with my buddies, or whatever, whatever it is. And again, we do that as women as well. But there is there is a little bit of a difference. And our men, then we they do these things, then the statistics of divorce, right? I've been married four times for crying out loud, the statistics of divorce are high. And with men, most often they go through divorce, obviously, this is not the norm. But this is often go through divorce. Now all this hard work and money that they had, they had created for the family system is now they're now supposed to take care of two households, because they're going through a divorce. And trying, you know, there's no as Tony put it, there's no ROI and that, and where's the payout? kind of shitty. And when I facilitated my last retreat, we did these things called a despacho. And our my last retreat was mainly women. And there was a lot of pieces that came up around men in a lot of different contexts. And we did two dispatches, which are just Bacho is a ceremonial piece that is a shamanic practice. And it is a prayer of bundle essentially, that you blow your prayers into this despacho into akin to, and you honor and there's a lot of honoring and ceremony that goes into this, and it's quite beautiful. And as I fell to do these dispatches we created to one for the masculine, one for the feminine, and we blew our prayers for both, you know, one in one, one of the other. And as I was doing that, in the masculine, that's when I saw very clearly holy cow, How often have I quieted my husband, and not let him be heard. And, as I am about to launch a new business with a beautiful friend of mine, called the one pulse collective, one of the things that we are, Sara and I are focused on is working with men and starting to do men retreats. And as this has kind of been coming about, I've been started seeing how much our men are wounded and, and are hurting, and looking for ways of being able to be seen, and all that they are and held and all that they are and heard and all that they are. And I was just at a event not too long ago, where I got to listen to some men that were just didn't know each other, but they were bonding over common trauma. And I thought it was interesting just to witness their conversation and what they were, what they were going through, and how difficult it was, and yet the curiosity that they were having in their process and curiosity of, of as they were kind of leaving the Mormon religion on top of some other things that were going on in their lives and, and just the vulnerability that they were sharing with each other and allowing themselves to be seen with each other was quite beautiful. And there you guys, I did not plan on talking about this. But I guess it gets to be spoken to of where are we holding space for our men? Women, if you're listening to this, I invite you just to take a moment, if you're not feeling heard, and you're getting frustrated at your partner for not feeling heard, try just to hear them, try to just hold space for them and see if it doesn't shift. Oftentimes not. I mean, it's not often it's always or our life is constantly giving us feedback. It's constantly a mirror, and where we're not getting what we're wanting in the world. And where are we not giving that to ourselves? Where are you not hearing yourself? And where are you not hearing your partner? And can you just open up to the idea of listening a little deeper. And on top of this, these these men that I was witnessing and listening to that I had just mentioned, as they were talking about religion, I could see the deep programming that had been forged there. Especially with the priesthood and that patriarchy piece. From the feminine side, we have looked at it as like this shining, right women aren't allowed to have priesthood. Yeah, our men are not necessarily the ones that that chose that they're just a byproduct of a system that was already created. So where are we? And yet there is this instant, like negative negative emotions or negative feeling towards men in general, and stead of understanding that this was just a system that was created that we all chosen to at one point in time and another and that our men are just Just as wounded and programmed as we are, and maybe then some, the pressure and the things that are on their shoulders to be these leaders and these providers is pretty intense. And can we hold a space for them to allow for their shoulders to soften, allow for the wait to be put down, and to share in the conversations to share in, in the vulnerability of who they are and who we all are. You know, I think that there's this place within all of us. That is asking to come back home to the self. I mean, this is what I do for a living is really helping people to come back home to themselves. That's what this one pulse Collective is, is coming back to your pulse. And then recognizing that when you come back to your pulse, you are connected to the whole. And when we choose ourselves from a non wounded place, and we choose the self love, and we come back to the self over and over again, in a non wounded place, it benefits the whole. And from this place, this honoring of the self, can we then look and witness our shadows, those places of shame, of guilt, of kinkiness, of weirdness of fears, of all these shadow aspects that we all hold and are afraid of? Can we see ourselves in all of that, and recognize that they are very much a part of us and without those pieces, we would not have the flip side, we would not have the polarized version of that, or that the counterpart of that we wouldn't have these gifts if we didn't have the shadows. And the can we integrate both the God in us and the devil in us? Can we witness and own that we have aspects of both of those that are alive within us, and then be seen for that, except those parts of us own those parts of us without rejecting it, and come back to wholeness. We have lived in such a planet of duality, a polarity, and we are a war with ourselves. And when we are at war within ourselves, we will continue to have war in the external. When we abuse ourselves, we will continue to see abuse happening in our world. When we have negative self talk, when we have all these things that we're doing internally to ourselves, we will see it reflected in the world. Because at the end of the day, we are creating our reality. There is no God up there that is a conditional God that is creating the wars and the sex trafficking and the abuse, it is not God creating that it is we we are doing this as a collective we are. And this is why it always comes back to the self is because you can't change the wheel until you change the knee. And when you come to the self and you own and you embrace and you recognize all the beauty and the pain, and the trauma, and all of the pieces that are a part of you, and instead of having it fractal doubt, bring it into wholeness and own all of these God given pieces. Because you are an aspect of God, you are connected to God, you have divinity within you. It includes the light and the shadow. And when you you own all of that, when you embrace all that, then we become Christ and inform. And I've spoken about this before, but Christ was not born as a Christ, who's Yahshua Ben Joseph. And then he leaned into all of who he was, that at times was painful, and at times was probably very difficult and felt very alone. Yet he leaned into the fear he embraced who he was he went both feet in to the path that was chartered for him his soul's call in this life, he leaned all in and he was okay with the ripple effect that it created. On some sometimes we create ripples when we lean in to all to all of who we are, and they believe that's why we don't choose in sometimes. You know, it's I'm seeing a lot of separation, a lot of divorce and a lot of unhealthy relationships that are either breaking up or people are choosing and still. And it's always interesting to witness why some people choose out and why some people choose in. And often nine times out of 10 people will continue to choose in because it's easier to stay in pain, it's easier to stay in the discomfort it's easier to stay in the dysfunction than it is to step out into the unknown world. How will I do all these things without this person even if I'm not happy in it? So they stay in the dysfunction. Instead of stepping forward and putting both feet in in this other place. They know that they should And both are okay. Both paths are okay. And as I've had just the conversations that have happened over the last several weeks that have just been eye opening in so many ways, we have had enough suffering on the planet. And because we have this Christ wound that lives within us, and we believe that Christ suffered for our sins, we then continually live out the suffering over and over and over again. Why I wrote about this in my book that's going to be released this coming week. suffering and pain is more socially acceptable than having pleasure, joy, and having everything you've ever wanted. Think about it. Are you more likely to give compassion and empathy and sympathy and support to someone that's in pain, versus support to someone and love to someone and happiness and joy and excitement? Is someone that is literally living their their wildest dreams? When are we going to put down the suffering? When are we going to honor ourselves for all that we are an honor and witness and see each other in our wholeness? And in order to do that, you've got to see it within yourself first period. So the suffering piece, are we done suffering? Are we ready to take Christ off the cross and realize that this beautiful man was just example of what we are here to do, which is to lean into our greatness to lean into our gifts and learn how to become God inform. We chose to be humans, we chose to have a physical body, we chose to have this coat of skins. And then we chose to forget so that we could then remember because how fun would that be? Is it possible that this has just been a school and a place for us just to learn more and more of who we are in a physical form. My dad when he was alive was one that I would find him often the house that I grew up in, in Orem, when he'd come home from work, and he worked really hard. He built up this beautiful business, and he was a brilliant entrepreneur. And he spent a lot of time away from home. But when he was home, he was often outside, just admiring nature admiring beauty. And it was one of the things that I to this day, like, I can feel his energy of how he was just so in awe and connected to the elements to the the sky, the earth, and honoring the creation of it all and the beauty of it all. And I've probably I don't know, a year or two ago, I was on a trip with my mom. And we were driving out of Sedona, that beautiful canyon that winds out of Sedona. And the whole trip my dad kept kept coming in, which was quite sweet. And he's he comes in quite often. But this trip, he was there more than than he usually is. And as we were driving out, he was showing me and it was quite touching. And I hope I can communicate this clearly. But he was showing me that without the physical body, experiencing this earth is somewhat mute, without the physical body without feeling without emotions, without that energetic connection that can connect to all things and then fill it in the body. There is a sweetness that's lost. And so you're showing me how much he missed that how he missed the ability that I had in that moment to be sitting next to my beautiful mother driving out of this canyon. And witnessing the beauty and the grandeur that was around me and being in such such awe of it that it brought me to tears, the way that he was communicating how amazing it is that we get to be in a human form to fill that isn't is not like there's nothing that compares. And I appreciated that the simpleness of just this deeper understanding and deeper awareness that we chose into human physical forms for a reason. We wanted to have this experience we wanted to know how to feel, to have pleasure to have pain, to have both spectrums. To experience all of it. Because there is beauty in all of it. And without the physical body the sweetness isn't quite as tangible as it is with the physical body. So when are you going to put down the suffering of whatever you're carrying right now? When are you going to put down your cross and stop carrying your cross? When are you going to embrace all parts of you own the kinky parts of you the shadow parts of you those parts of you that are in shame. When are you going to embrace it all, and see the wholeness of yourself and witness and honor all of you, so that you can then do it for others. And again, if we are asking for different experience in this world, we cannot do it from the places that we have been, we cannot create a new earth, from the constructs that have been here, the programs, the learning the knowledge that we've had, we can't do it from those places. So I invite you to open up to being curious as to what gets to be had next. What do I get to create today? Where can I be more in play. And another friend that was just sharing with me, one of the things that my friend Sarah and I talk a lot about is play. And the neural plasticity about how in when you're in play, it only takes I think, 20 repetitions to create a new neural pathway versus like 300 repetitions when you're not in play, which is a huge difference, right. And as I was sharing this with a friend of mine, he had mentioned too, that there's a Buddhist practice or Buddhist principle that when we're in play, that's when the ego dies. That's when there is no ego. And because you're always in play, and always in curiosity, so if something crappy happens in your life, it's like, well, that's interesting. How is that supporting me today on why is this showing up and being more curious and playful about it, and playful about the creations that are happening? That it removes in that, when you're in play? It removes the suffering, because we get out of the story of what that must mean? You're choosing out of religion? What what must that mean about you? And when you buy into the stories of what that must mean? Or what people are thinking, or what, how are people going to react to you, you create your own suffering, right? If you had no attachment to that story, and you were just in plain curiosity and wonder of this life, and what you get to create Next, your transition out of religion would not be as painful. Wherever you are listening to me, whether you're driving or on a walk, or wherever you are. My invitation to you today is where can you give yourself some grace, some grace for being human, for living this human experience for being brave, and having courage to stepping out of a construct that no longer feels true? Where can you see your wins in life? And where can you embrace those that you love, especially your partners, especially the men in our lives? Where can you open up more space to seeing them and allowing them to be seen and heard? And where can you see and hear yourself more. At the end of the day, I hope you remember that we are all doing the best that we can with what we know. And today for me, I there are things that I feel I know today, and I know tomorrow, they'll change my book that's releasing this Friday, I am so excited to share with you. And this is a piece that if you are in a little bit of a holding pattern, or feeling stuck or angry or sad, this book is a really beautiful tool that will assist you in processes and exercises, to move through where you're at. And to come back more to your spiritual center. Because at the end of the day, this is where we are all screaming, to come back to how do I know myself, know thyself. For when you know yourself and you own who you are the connection that you have to the Divine, embracing all parts of you, then this is when we create a new earth. Because we're all than more trusting in the inspiration we're receiving. We're receiving information and inspiration outside of time and space. Because of the human construct in the human mind, there are things that we just cannot see and comprehend. And so from that God eyes perspective, and having a connection to the divine, or to your higher self, whatever you want to call it. There's great wisdom to be had there. And then we get to surrender and be in the present and presence of what is with nothing to do and nothing to defend and instead of instead we're just in the ISM of life. And we're just in the moments. And when we're in the present moment we are in presence with ourself and in presence with ourselves being completely seen at all times are we not? So I believe my book will be dropping this podcast is releasing here tomorrow. And then my book will be dropping Friday. So I'm going to share the link actually, I'm not gonna share the link But watch out for it. If you're following me on social media, please make sure you're checking my social media because I would really love, love, love to get this book in your hands. I know that it's a beautiful tool. It's only 1333. For the book, I wanted to make sure that it wasn't super expensive. Because this is a book that will be a great asset. And then I've created some guided meditations to go along with this book if it's something you feel called to do. And you'll find that website in my book, The link to that website, that webpage. So I hope that this podcast was helpful to you. Like I said, I didn't know what I was gonna be speaking on and here we are. But wherever you are in the world, give yourself grace. Give your children grace, give your partner's grace your friends, your family, because that grace is something you are seeking as well. Sending you all so much love