Mastering the Success Habit: Stephanie Ewing's Strategies to Overcome Procrastination | Ep. 047

Join us for an enlightening episode as we dive into the world of conquering procrastination with renowned author Stephanie Ewing. In this dynamic discussion centered around her book "The Success Habit," Stephanie unveils actionable strategies to break free from procrastination's grip. We explore the spectrum of procrastination, from everyday tasks to life-altering goals, and reveal how understanding its nuances can unlock your productivity potential.

Stephanie's insights challenge common misconceptions about procrastination and illuminate how small steps, or "microbursts," can lead to monumental achievements. From defeating the allure of instant gratification to cultivating an empowering morning routine, this episode offers a treasure trove of tactics to kick-start your journey towards success.

Don't miss this empowering conversation filled with practical advice, personal anecdotes, and proven techniques to silence procrastination's voice and embrace the success habit. Tune in now to reclaim your time, transform your goals into actions, and pave your way to a more fulfilling and accomplished life.

More on Stephanie Ewing:
Website
Twitter
Facebook
The Success Habit: Procrastination Hacks to Create Your Best Life One Microburst at a Time (Optimize Your Life Series)
Other books here

Books and other interesting mentions:
Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking (Overcome Toxic Thought Patterns and Take Control of Your Mindset) By Jon Acuff
Using Deliberate Cold Exposure for Health and Performance | Huberman Lab Podcast #66 - Dr. Andrew Huberman
Dr. Andrew Huberman
Stikk.com

Transcript

Stephanie: 0:00

I have a simple affirmation I do every day. I am healthy, I am strong, I am successful, and I accomplish my goals. And that last one is really key for me because I need to remember, if I set a goal, I do accomplish it.

Cody: 0:30

welcome to another episode of Mind Hack. Today we have Stephanie Ewing, the author of The Success Habit, a book that provides powerful insights and strategies to overcome procrastination and create a more productive life. We are thrilled to have her here today to share her expertise and help us unlock our full potential. So I would love for you to start out by talking to us a little bit about what your personal background is and what led you to focus on this topic of procrastination and productivity.

Stephanie: 1:02

Sure. Thank you so much. You know, I've spent decades in public education and educating and supporting education. Learning have always been huge passions of mine. I. But like many of us, I have that little voice in my head that is not always very kind. And so the idea of I'm not good enough, or I'm just lazy, even though I'm accomplishing all of these things, still happens. So this book is kind of a wake up call for myself and others that you are accomplishing great things. It might not be in the timeline that you want. If there's tips we can talk about to help you, but other than that, believe in yourself and knock it off with a negative Nelly in your head.

Cody: 1:49

So what are some of the things that people do on a regular basis that is a self-limiting belief? Or is this negative voice in their head?

Stephanie: 1:59

Yes, it seems to me in my experience, that we all have certain aspects of our lives where we're on it and we feel good about it, and we tell ourselves good things about that. It could be work, it could be parenting, it could be exercise, whatever the area where you believe that you're doing a great job. Guess what? You're doing a great job. And then we all have other areas of our lives where we tend to think negatively about our accomplishments. We tend to downplay success, and we tend to talk very negatively about ourselves. It could be finances. That's a huge one. It could be exercise, it could be parenting job, it could be any area of your life that you've decided that I'm just not good enough there. And guess what? You're probably lacking a little bit because you're fulfilling your own self prophecy there.

Cody: 2:49

So why do we downplay our success? I know this is a problem that I've also had where I've sold multiple companies and yet, Every time I sell the company, it never feels enough. It, I, I, the c e o asked me how does it feel? And I would say, well, that it's okay, but we have to do all these things to complete the process. And then I was left with this, empty feeling in my stomach about what am I gonna do next? And just focusing on the future instead of being able to relegate and reminisce and, and have a feeling of gratitude for the achievement I have. do you know why that's such a common scenario?

Stephanie: 3:28

Yep. Basically, we tend to spend all of our lives looking for the next thing, especially us people that are really goal oriented. We're like, I've set that goal. Success is gonna be here, and then here happens, and we already have a new goal. So we don't feel that sense of success. I think a big part of this is the idea of being present and being happy where you are. Because happiness is the journey. Happiness is not the destination, and we are so focused on the destination that we trip ourselves up actually.

Cody: 4:04

And you mentioned this idea of talking negatively to ourselves. Is this, how does this come across? Is this a, a voice that happens? How do we become aware that we're even talking negatively to ourselves?

Stephanie: 4:19

Yeah, I know I have read a lot of books on the power under of our mind on affirmations and also kind of the soundtracks that we play. One of my favorite authors, um, Has a really great book called, soundtracks, and he talks about what are the key phrases that you've repeated over and over again. I know from my life. One of those are you are lazy. I have multiple degrees, I've written over 10 books. two of them are bestsellers and. For some reason, that idea that I'm lazy, even though I've done this, you know, previously while working a full-time job, parenting all the things I, I still can, can find myself falling into that habit of you're lazy. Part of that is because I have so many goals. There are so many things I want to do in this life, and I forget to celebrate. The wins. Celebrate those small wins. You got up this morning, you hopped in the shower and you did a cool water blast. Way to go. that's something you chose to do that not, not very many people choose to do. That is a healthy step for you. It's mind over matter. Does everybody wanna jump in a cold shower? No. But when you do, you've kind of won on two fronts. One, you did it, and two, it's pretty healthy for you.

Cody: 5:43

And I know that some ways that we can celebrate a small wins, I, I've heard of the idea of having a, a gratitude jar, which is just like a mason jar, and then you put on a sticky note, something positive that happened, and the idea is to try and teach yourself. To recognize something small, but that's also a win. Do you have any tips on how we can help to change our mindset and celebrate these small wins?

Stephanie: 6:07

Definitely, gratitude journaling is kind of a big deal in, in a lot of circles because it's kind of been proven that if you take, 21 days and jot down three things you're thankful for every day. It changes your outfit to your outlook to focus on the things that are positive, not the things that are negative. I think another thing that those of us who really like to set goals, we just keep ratcheting that bar up. We met that one. Huh? So we need a new one. And, one of the things that I've found really helpful is, having something that I can be consistent with. I have a, a journal and every day I jot down. at least one thing that I accomplished that made me feel successful. And then each month the, calendar that I use has a spot to list what are three great things that happened last month. And so all I have to do is flip back through those pages and on every day there's something that I accomplished. And every month I can say, oh yeah. I did that last month, and I think that's kind of a helpful, small, um, thing you can do consistently. For me, the calendar really helps because life gets busy. I get busy, I'm involved in a project and I forget to do it, and then I feel like a failure again. So when I have the calendar, then I can see, oh, I forgot to write down something yesterday. That's okay. I'm just gonna jot it down now and then that page is filled up and I'm feeling great again.

Cody: 7:31

that's such a great idea. This idea of having like a success calendar or journal. Something that you can refer back to whenever you're feeling a little bit in the dumps or that you're not as successful as you would like to be. that's a really great idea. How long have you been doing that for?

Stephanie: 7:49

Two years. I, I keep. Trying to find the journal that works for me and I'm just about ready to write one myself because, um, I kind of need a little bit of space every day to jot down ideas. And then I need that monthly summary to remind me. and I don't need a lot of that extra. Stuff that journals can throw in there. So it doesn't have to be, it can be just a calendar on your refrigerator. It really doesn't have to be anything, fancy. But I think the idea that it's somewhere you see it, it's hard to miss because you're gonna trip over it. That's great. And that just helps you, kick off that habit stack of remembering to celebrate and feel that success.

Cody: 8:31

Right and remember to celebrate the small wins and so I would like to ask about something you said earlier that you have this voice, and I don't know if you still have it, that says that you're lazy and it kind of Permeates throughout your soul in a way where I think, uh, some people, another position that people might have is say that this voice that's always pushing you, this drill sergeant, if you will, is it's pushing you towards more and more success. And yeah, it might be harsh on you sometimes, but it's the reason that you are where you are. And so why is that a bad voice?

Stephanie: 9:09

I think that we can have a voice that pushes us to success. That is kinder. And I think for many of us, it's just acknowledging that the voice in your head is not very kind right now. I have a simple affirmation I do every day. I am healthy, I am strong, I am successful, and I accomplish my goals. And that last one is really key for me because I need to remember, if I set a goal, I do accomplish it. And it doesn't have to be I accomplished it in a week in a year. But if I set a goal, I'm going to accomplish it. And telling myself that every morning when I hop in the shower is just a great way to start the day, and it helps me to turn down the volume on that negative voice and kind of give me a framework for being kinder to myself. I've used that voice recently to kick off a new exercise habit. And, for me personally, some people I think really respond well to that drill sergeant voice. but I think we can have a drill sergeant that's a little bit more positive that drill sergeant needs a growth mindset because

Cody: 10:21

hmm.

Stephanie: 10:21

we can be successful and we can build on our success, but I think we need to set the expectation that we are gonna be successful first.

Cody: 10:29

Yeah. And I think there is this idea that permeates, uh, around society that we need to be harsh on ourselves, but in fact, that can hamper our ability to be successful. And I would like to ask around your having to overcome your own feelings of procrastination because you kind of wrote a book about success and procrastination. So I assume that you were struggling with some form of procrastination in your life, and I'm wondering if you can give us kind of a, a step-by-step or just a, a generalized version of what the problem was and how you slowly started to overcome those problems.

Stephanie: 11:07

Uh, I tell, I tell my readers that I write the book I need, so I write short, quick, straight to the punchline non-fiction books that are going to be helpful for me. Others? Uh, the very first one I wrote was called the Shower Habit, and that was kind of how to start your day with a positive stack of habits that are gonna lead you to be successful, because that's what I needed. I needed a better morning. Then I wrote the sleep habit. Because you know what? I'm one of those people that can lay in my bed and scroll on my phone forever. What is that, that called doom scrolling. I can do that. So, it, it was kind of researching the ways that I am going to be the most refreshed and rejuvenated because our brains actually really need that downtime. And then the next book I wrote was The Success Habit because procrastination has always been, um, A thing that I, I believe I'm, I'm good procrastinator, I guess, and I want it to be, not so great in that realm. So I did some research to find out, what are some ticks, tips and tricks that are gonna help people like me who feel like they're a good procrastinator, and how can we get over that hump? So for me, for whatever reason, opening my mail and sorting through it was an area that I just. Had a mental block about, now I'm debt free, do I have mean bills? I don't. So what was this strange thing I had that I just wanted my mail to clutter my dining room table? I don't know. But writing that book, setting a timer for myself saying, you know what? I'm gonna spend five minutes on this and then I'm gonna go do something else. Set the timer on the microwave. I'm sitting there at the kitchen table. Anyway, get it done. It usually takes less than that. If it takes a little bit more by then, I'm on a roll. I've got my momentum going and I just finished the task. but for me, that kind of, starting energy needed some oomph. And that's kind of where that book came from.

Cody: 13:07

Yeah, it's so often the activation energy that's required to get started on a task. Like the, the amount of times I've procrastinated, I'm sure everybody has this at some point in their lives, where you're procrastinating on this, responding to even an email, and yet when you finally get to it, the email is just, requires a few words or just a quick response, or sometimes you just archive it because you don't need a respond to it. And so, so often that's a, a, a reoccurring issue. What kind of tips or recommendations do you have on how we can help overcome that activation energy that's often required just to even look at, or even just begin a task.

Stephanie: 13:49

Yeah, I think that kind of delves into that whole realm of anxiety. I know for me it does. So one of the things that I have found hugely helpful is something many people rec recommend. Is that kind of what's the worst thing that could happen? I. So there's an email. I don't wanna respond to it. I'm worried about it for some reason. First off, let's figure out why am I worried about it? What is it about this email that's getting me all twisted up in knots here? Then what's the worst that could happen? I respond and it doesn't go well. I respond and it goes. I don't get another response back. I try to work through the steps that could happen, and then when I finally do just sit down and do the email, like you said, very often, it was a breeze and I had worked up all of these what ifs in my mind, spun up a whole little tornado of anxiety and really set the timer, sit down and do it. It's much easier than I thought it was gonna be.

Cody: 14:51

Yes. So often this inability to do the hard stuff or to even feel like you're functional in the job and the objectives that you're trying to achieve, it, it comes down to this unknown feeling of anxiety that is really the culprit behind most of our procrastination. And there seems to be, I think this. This lack of awareness in some cases where you don't even know that there is a negative voice or you're not even aware of all of these, these hidden factors of your concern, your feelings or needs, need for validation from others or your need for perfectionism or your fear of failure. And these can cause this systemic feeling of procrastination. So how do we become aware of these voices and these thoughts and these feelings in the first place?

Stephanie: 15:48

For me, journaling really helps with that aspect of it. trying to sit down and write about, What are five things I'm excited about and what are five things I'm dreading And just getting those words down on paper, it is a big aha for me. another book I just read and I apologize, I can't remember the title, but, uh, they were talking about you have to build a tribe of people around you that are gonna help you in the areas you know you're weak. Because guess what? Nobody's perfect. It's okay that you're not perfect. If there is one aspect of your life that is really just. You're struggling with, then figure out a way to get people in your life that are good at that aspect, or maybe even enjoy that aspect that you don't like, because then you can have that, that conversation back and forth. You can check it off your list even though you didn't have to do it. There are so many positives that can come from that, but I think for me, what you just said is kind of the key. You have to have that space in your life where you can sit down. Think about it and then get it out in some way. Whether that's, you know, a quick audio that you record while you're going on a walk, if that's the ability to wake up in the morning and do some morning pages, just get whatever's on your mind out. I think those are really good ways to kinda get those out. And if you need to, Go talk to somebody who's a professional. I firmly believe in the power of, um, therapy, counseling. one of my friends is a counselor. I just adore her and she says, you know, it's kind of like dating. You're gonna have to go through about five before you find that perfect fit. So don't give it a shot and say, well, that didn't work. Um, find somebody you're gonna connect with and, and let them give you some insight because, This is a pretty big aspect of your life. You can't get away from your brain, so we have to become friends.

Cody: 17:37

Right. So having So journaling, journaling our thoughts. Even say if you're in the middle of this feeling of procrastination, maybe maybe just say that you're gonna journal for five minutes before you go up and either clean the house or play video games just to help you become more aware of what's this underlying feeling that is causing this friction between your desire to accomplish this task and your ability to accomplish it. And then you mentioned mentors. I think that's a fantastic idea. We need to have more people that can help compensate for our own deficits and be forces of positivity for us that we can look to in times of need.

Stephanie: 18:18

You know, you said something that's really key. I think that idea of a mentor is huge, and I think one of the best ways that you can, kind of find your tribe or, or find mentors is to put. Yourself out there and help others. Because we all have areas that we're going to be able to mentor people as well. And I think once you're of putting that energy out there that, Hey, I'm, I'm gonna help this person who's struggling in an area that I'm good at, that's when I think you're gonna find people that want to help in an area that you're struggling in. But you said something that is a whole key for me. You said before I coplay video games. How many of us have such a huge list of things we are great at for wasting time? I think taking a minute to jot down all the ways you waste time and focus on things that aren't a part of your goals. That's pretty huge because, tv, video games, games on your phone, there are so many ways that we can waste minutes. Every now and then, great. But if you check out your phone and you're on your phone for, 16 hours a day, then maybe we have a

Cody: 19:24

Hmm And so I, I wanna ask about more into this idea of procrastination and I, I think in your book you mentioned this concept of a procrastination cycle and how it can perpetuate this habit of procrastination. Could you explain more about that?

Stephanie: 19:44

Yeah. I think that when we procrastinate and we have that negative voice in our head, that's just telling us we're lazy. And why even start? Because I'm not gonna finish it. I think we've lost trust in ourselves at that point, and it can put us into a tailspin that can almost lead to aspects of depression. And that just leads a whole another layer of difficulty to the activation energy that we need to get up and accomplish something. So I think that one of the ways that we can kickstart our ability to check things off our list is to start with a positive. So find something in your life that you are doing that you. Agree with that is leading you toward your goals. for me, that could be getting up every morning, hopping in the shower, and doing a cool water blast. For me that that means that I am choosing myself and healthiness.

Did I say it has to be at 5: 20:46

00 AM? No, but that's what I'm doing and I feel great about that. So if you can find something to start off your day where you feel great, then the next thing you do make it something that you've been procrastinating then. Go back to something that feels easier, kinder, maybe it's a time waster. I think if we can create a cycle of I get something done, I have some time to myself, I get something done, I have some time to myself. Use that timer when it's the get it done part. Tell yourself you only have to do it for 10 minutes and then give yourself a break when you're done. I think rebuilding that cycle rather than I didn't do what I was going to do today is huge. If it starts out with, uh, one thing I'm gonna do today is. Go through my mail. One thing I'm gonna do today is do the dishes, do a load of laundry. Whatever you've been procrastinating about. I mean, heck, it could be writing. You know, sending off a resume or applying for a job, whatever that thing is, as big or as small as it is, it really doesn't matter because it's weighing on you. So if you're able to check off one of those, you're gonna get a little hit of Happy Brain Chemical and that's gonna make you feel better. And I think that if we're stuck in the cycle of I didn't get done what I wanted to do, I feel bad about that, then. I'm just gonna talk negatively to myself all night. Then it happens again the next day. I think we need something to kind of shake us out of that. I guess one of the first things we need is just to realize that we're there. You know, we get in a rutt sometimes, so that book, the Success Habit is. It's under 45 minute read. It is so quick. take the time. It's free on Kindle Unlimited. Read through it, decide if anything sparks something in you, and then accomplish one thing on your list. Checking it off feels great. There's a reason we love to-do lists. I, I like to get those dry erase markers and write it on the mirror in my bathroom because then I can see it. I check it off, race it the next day.

Cody: 22:51

Hmm. Yeah, there's, there's something about crossing off something that you've done that I think from a scientific perspective, that it, it causes more happy chemicals to be released than just clicking a box to check something off in a to-do list program. There's something about that physical nature that makes it a more rewarding experience.

Stephanie: 23:14

You are so right. I have a. I just have to tell you, I have a friend, she actually writes things she's already gotten done down just so she can check it off.

Cody: 23:22

Oh Honestly, sometimes I, I do that too. It's, it's fantastic. Uh, and, and you mentioned this idea of going into a cold shower, and so I actually have a cold plunge that I love. Although I have a hard time using it first thing in the morning, but Huberman had an episode, you know, Andrew, Dr. Andrew Huberman, and I'll link to that into the show notes. And he, and he mentioned it was a whole episode about motivation and even involving procrastination. And interesting that he mentions that when you're in this rutt, when you can't get yourself to really be motivated to do anything, make the situation worse, so get into a more stressful environment. And he refers to this idea of getting into a cold Punch Tank because that is much more uncomfortable than sitting at your computer procrastinating. And when you put yourself in a, in a less comfortable position. It makes, it creates a contrast between the thing you were procrastinating on. And not only do you have this increase in norepinephrine, but it allows you to feel like you actually want to do that other thing now. And I thought that was an interesting kind of tangent that's relevant to, to what we're talking about here today.

Stephanie: 24:36

I actually love that, you know, when I am procrastinating on finishing a book, finishing Energy. Whew. That's tough. I say, well, If I'm not gonna write, then I need to clean the house and then all of a sudden, writing sounds great. So I really like that idea, that put yourself in in more stress. I really like that.

Cody: 24:57

And I think perhaps another idea that you're leading to is that when we complete tasks, the primary objective of that is to, should be at least to increase our self-esteem. Because we have this concept of being depressed. And then if you're depressed, then you procrastinate because you're just feeling already in a rutt. But what's not so often discussed is the fact that if you become a habitual procrastinator, that creates this negative revolving voice in your head that tells you that you're incapable, that you're never gonna achieve anything, and then that can actually cause depression. And so it's pulling ourselves out of this rutt that can be one of the most important things. So it doesn't matter, perhaps, whether it's folding the laundry, maybe add that task, fold in the laundry, and then just start with these small incremental goals. And I think the most important thing is to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you say you're gonna work on something, work on that. And if you can't get yourself to work on that, then just try and find what's the smallest item that I can work on that I can actually commit to, whether that's. Just folding one piece of clothing or, or working on an email for just 30 seconds. As long as you can keep your commitments to yourself. That's the building blocks to increasing your self-esteem and getting yourself out of that rutt.

Stephanie: 26:24

Yes, that is 100%. How often have we as people set New Year's resolutions that we're gonna go to the gym, we buy the membership, and we go twice in January.

Cody: 26:36

Hmm.

Stephanie: 26:37

And then where, where does the rest of that go? those that join gyms and have gone for years laugh at the number of people that are there in January, and they know by February it's gonna be back to normal. I think you mentioned something that is the key. Okay. So if your goal is. Fitness then saying I'm going to get in shape is pretty nebulous. What aspect of fitness are we going to work on? Let's break it down into something really concrete and really small. I am going to take a walk. Perfect. I'm not gonna walk for an hour the first time. I'm going to take, take a walk every day. If that's the goal. If you put on your shoes and when you walk around the block, you've just taken a walk. Make it. As small as possible, and then do everything you can to meet your own expectation. Because losing trust with ourself, it feels terrible. And we've done it in so many different ways. I'm not going to eat fast food anymore. And how long is it before you're going through the drive-through of some fast food place. So make it small, make it manageable, and then like you said, do an aspect of it. I'm gonna take a walk. I've read books where they say, then put your tennis shoes out and put 'em on. That's step one. Day one, you put the tennis shoes on, you didn't even go anywhere. I think making it as incremental as possible for some of us, that's what we need in order to feel like we are meeting our goals. We're back into, I can trust myself and maybe I see a way out of this deep, dark tunnel. I've gotten myself into.

Cody: 28:15

So I think you started to touch on a concept that you mentioned in the book that you refer to as microbursts. can you explain what those are?

Stephanie: 28:24

So the idea that you have to complete, like you, you mentioned laundry for some people, laundry could be literally a room full of clothes. So laundry can be huge. The idea that you're going to tackle that beast in one day. Might not be reasonable, especially depending on how long you've been putting that off. So if laundry is your goal, then set a timer for, I don't even care if it's a minute. Do the task of laundry for a minute and see how you feel after that. If you're done, you're done. Go do something else. If you feeling okay, then let's add five minutes to that goal. I'm gonna do it for another five minutes. You are starting a load. You might be throwing the clothes from the dryer into the laundry hamper. Maybe you haven't even folded anything yet, but you're feeling good. You've still accomplished it. That idea that just a small piece of time is a microburst. Give yourself the beginning and the ending, and then it feels like you can accomplish it, and then let yourself be done if you're feeling done. And then say, huh, maybe after lunch I'll do another microburst, another small bit of that task. That feels too huge at this point in time.

Cody: 29:39

So it's taking something that seems overwhelming and perhaps just, just too much for us to possibly do or complete, and trying to reframe that mindset that we don't need to fold all the laundry right now. We just need to fold a few things. Or I'm just gonna put the socks in the drawer and just starting small. Because effectively everything we do doesn't matter whether you're riding a bicycle or whether you're writing a book. We can never do those things that allow us to feel like we we're accomplishing things that feel meaningful to us, or that are important to us. We can never do them in one sitting. We always have to break it down. And I think as we get older we tend to have this mindset of feeling this overwhelm even, that we have to accomplish these things and we put this pressure on ourselves and then we lose sight about why we're doing it in the first place. And that kind of, kind of blinds us to that concept that we probably didn't even think about as a kid, that we never look at the end goal. We just look at what's right in front of us at that moment in time and take it one step at a time.

Stephanie: 30:54

I think that idea of a microburst, it, it allows you to see the chunk that you can accomplish, accomplish it, and then maybe at the end of the day, your negative Nelly is feeling a little bit more positive. Did I get the laundry done? No, but I did get that small microbus that one minute, five minute, 10 minutes, whatever I told myself I was going to do. I accomplished that. I think the other thing that we kind of fall into is comparisonitis. Well, I know my friend so and so. Her house always looks perfect, so obviously she does this masterful job. And so then that, that allows us to be another way that we're gonna put ourselves down while I'm not as good as, and I think kinda refocusing on yourself, breaking it down into something small, celebrating that when you get it done, that small amount of, of a task. Done two times a day, three times a day, once a day, but you're continuing to do that. That's where I think you're gonna see that self-esteem start to rise, and maybe even some positive thoughts in our head rather than those negative ones.

Cody: 32:03

And so you also mentioned in the book this a concept of time blocking and how we can use it to manage tasks and avoid procrastinating in the first place. can you please elaborate?

Stephanie: 32:15

Yeah. One of the things I like to do in my kind of daily, calendar journal, it's kind of combined, is write down one or two things at the bottom that I wanna get, um, accomplished today. and then I like to decide whether that's gonna happen before lunch or after lunch. it used to be before being a full-time author, it was, was it gonna be before work or after work? and giving yourself kind of that mid. Term midday goal, that little time block, then you can decide, okay, so I said I was gonna do this before lunch. I'm getting hungry. I better just sit down and do it because then you know, I'm gonna eat. And then I wanna be able to say, I got that done. I guess it's setting a smaller, finish line for yourself than just the day because. As you know, time flies whether we're having fun or not. So all of a sudden it's the end of the day and we're like, Ooh, did I get that done? Oh yeah. I said I was gonna do it before lunch. I did it before lunch. That's great. So for whatever kind of area your life takes, if you have kids, is it during nap time that you're gonna be getting this done? If you work full-time, is it after work that you're gonna be getting this done? Kinda whatever flow your life has, figure out where the breaks are, and then set some goals for those time periods.

Cody: 33:26

Hmm. Can you share perhaps some success stories of, of somebody who were able to implement some of the strategy from the book, what those strategies were and, and what the outcome was.

Stephanie: 33:38

Certainly, I, I think that, I don't know, it's some crazy percentage, 80 or 90% of us say we wanna write a book, and the percentage of us that actually finished that book not so big. so I, I think that that idea of breaking it down and also making it a little faster. So, um, for me, the very first book I wrote, was in 30 days. So I'm gonna write a book, I'm gonna write it in 30 days. How in the heck do you do that? Well, first up, Let's do some research on your topic. You get five days for that. Okay, so got my topic, I've got my research. Now what? Now we're gonna just say we're gonna do 10 chapters, kind of an intro, eight meaty ones, and kind of a conclusion. So that's eight, 10 days that you need to have blocked out. You're gonna write 2000 words a day. It's not huge. You can do it. You can even say between 1,002 thousand. Okay, so that's the next 10 days. We're halfway through the month and we've got a draft. Okay? We're gonna spend the next week with some editing, rewriting, maybe we need to look up any research that we wanted to include or a quote from someone. Then we've got, what, seven days plus our 15. We're at 22 days. Okay, so now we have eight days and we need to get a cover. We need to write up, a summary, a book description. There's a lot of great tools for that. And then we need to figure out where we're gonna upload this book and sell it. I think when you break it down like that, writing a book feels like unmanageable, but saying, I'm gonna write 2000 words a day for 10 days. That feels like we can get that done. I think the idea of. Project management, looking at the entire thing, setting the end date, this is when we wanna have it accomplished. And then working backwards I think can help us in a lot of aspects of our life that maybe if you're not kind of in the, the project management business world isn't something you've thought about, but, it's very manageable. You can get it done. And let's say you wanted to write a book in 30 days and it took 35. Still seems pretty successful to me. You've accomplished something that the majority of people say they want to do and they haven't done it yet.

Cody: 35:58

Did you manage to create any, say, external accountability for yourself? Like say that you, there's programs like Stick ss t i c k.com that allow you to set a goal and then have a referee, and then that referee can decide whether or not you actually accomplish that goal. and if you don't, then it can donate some, some set amount of money to an organization. But did you create any kind of deadlines for yourself and what kind of pressure or accountability did you create?

Stephanie: 36:28

Definitely I haven't heard of Stick. I really like that idea. what I did is I went on Upwork and I hired an editor and I said, I'm going to have the rough draft to you on this date, please. Email me, ask me how it's going, and, tell me that, you know, you need to really have that on this date. Then I had a date where she would get it back to me and then I had a date where we would have be done with our revision process. So I paid someone to create my own deadline so that they could edit. My book worked great for me, but I think that's a lot of us, that idea of needing a deadline and when it's something for ourselves. Oftentimes we put it last, so I love the idea of that. Is that an app or a website

Cody: 37:12

Yeah, it's, it's a website you can go to and it's free. And they simply make a little bit of a commission off of money that you end up having to donate, and it can go to a friend or it can go to an organization, and you can even add a little bit of extra motivation by donating to an organization that has the opposite values of the ones that you have.

Stephanie: 37:36

I really love that. That is a great idea.

Cody: 37:40

So I wanna move on to talking about this concept of, say, creating a vision and building that momentum, building that feeling of success. How can we go and create a, a vision for our lives that excites us and motivates us to overcome any feelings of procrastination to pursue our goals?

Stephanie: 38:04

I, I have created a lot of what we call in the public education world improvement plans, school improvement plans. Um, So many. And, basically it, it was um, going through the steps of, setting goals, what we wanna improve, how we're gonna do it, and then that thing would go on a shelf in a notebook and die a slow death. And I found that was hugely not very helpful. Helpful. So one of the things that, kick started success in, in that realm was having a one page summary of. So for me it's a really important idea to have a, a one page vision, board plan, whatever you wanna call it. I don't care if it's words or images. I don't care if it's, physical copy or an e-copy. Um, if it is an electronic vision board that you have created, I really like to have kind of four quadrants of that. Try to pick one word that kind of speaks to me in the middle and then have like a, a family goal, maybe social goal, a financial goal, kind of a work goal, and then that dream, whether that's buying a house or going on a vacation to somewhere fabulous. something that's really motivating to you. And then it kind of gives you areas that you need to fill in, not just. What do I have on my vision board? I don't know what to put on there. So once you've got that completed, if it's an electronic one, then make it the. Wallpaper on your laptop. Make it the wallpaper on your phone. I want you to be seeing that all the time. If you can print it out, great. Hang it somewhere, your bedroom door, your refrigerator, whatever it is. I think that too often we put ourselves last. We lose faith in ourself because we say we want something and then we don't go for it. So if it's really important to you, then make it so in your face that you trip over it every day. And that's gonna help keep you on track. the next thing is you want this, that, then we need to do that pro project management, kind of reverse planning, break it down, what are we gonna do first? And then need to take some accountability for those steps. So, If I want to go on a dream vacation, what's holding me back? Is it the planning? Is it the money? Is it who I want to go with? let's start taking some steps in the areas where we are lacking. I think it's really important that we have some timelines, deadlines for ourself. it's, it's kind of a, it needs to take over your life in order for you to make it. Important enough to accomplish it, I guess. if we really want something. I love that, that atomic habits where he decided he was gonna, I don't know, play the guitar, then he put the guitar in the middle of the room on a stand that that's pretty in your face. You're going to remember to do that if it's right there. so I think that's, that's kind of a key is it has to be so, Front and center that you can't overlook it. There's no, oops, I forgot. It was a conscious choice. I didn't do it. It was right there.

Cody: 41:19

Yeah, there's that. They that age old adage out of sight, out of mind.

Stephanie: 41:26

Yes. Oh, so bad for me. I cannot put projects I'm working on in a file folder and put it in the drawer because, The drawer is like a black hole. It never comes out of there. For me. I have to have like a standup folder where I can see that thing they're lined up, hanging on the wall, something because out of sight, out of mind it does not, well, it works too well for me, I guess. So I have to make sure that I can see it.

Cody: 41:54

And, and sometimes what I like to do is actually create sticky notes and I'll just put a sticky note and use a big, uh, the, the Sharpie pen. So it's easy to see and I just stick it right where I want to be reminded about that task.

Stephanie: 42:11

That's a great idea. You know, my son did that the other day. We were gonna, uh, we farm fresh chicken, eggs, we're gonna take some to grandma. He put a big old sticky note on the door that said eggs, and we all went, that's great. We can't forget that.

Cody: 42:23

Hmm. And so you mentioned this concept of having a vision board and having a dream. In some ways it's what a project manager would do at any company, and probably something, as you mentioned, that something that you've done for a lot of students in your past and it's imperative to have this vision about where do you want to be? Because I think so often we, we might see something and we might dream of having, say, a six pack or some kind of un almost unrealistic, but also just a goal that perhaps in the back of our head we, we tell ourselves that we can't achieve it, but maybe we also don't know why we want to achieve it. And when we don't have this, this inner feeling, this drive, this connection to the dream, to the vision, then we can more easily procrastinate because we don't see the outcome. We just see the barrier. We just see the mountain that's in front of us.

Stephanie: 43:24

Yeah, it's like, I guess your, why,

Cody: 43:28

Hmm.

Stephanie: 43:29

is this stream important to you? I think one of the things that I've, um, I've. Read about a lot is, is oftentimes we set goals because we think we need them and they don't really connect to what is actually driving us. So if the idea of writing a book is a huge one, if you wanna write a book because you want to help people, that's great. You could write a book about any topic you want. If you wanna write a book because you just want to make money, that's great too. But I. If you know your why, then it's, it's a little bit easier to motivate yourself to get it done. I think, I guess altruistic goals that are what we should do are different than at my core. What is motivating me to do this? honesty with yourself I think is important there. So if you have your vision board and, making money is, it's a goal of yours. Put it on there. Be honest with yourself. That's okay. Making money in and of itself is not a horrible thing. kind of goes back into the idea of knowing why you have the goal up there. Kind of what you, you said what's, what's the basis of where this is coming from? Do I want to travel because I want to see other cultures? Do I want to travel because I want to meet? Other people, is it, is it all based on food? I could see that

Cody: 45:03

Hmm.

Stephanie: 45:04

I wanna travel because I wanna try food from all over the world. Whatever it is, be honest, that's gonna give you more focus and more motivation to get that done.

Cody: 45:12

Yeah, and I think often we don't have the awareness to know what is that underlying reason that we have that goal. Say if it's to make money, perhaps that's not a real motivation. Perhaps our motivation is that we want to be able to support our family and provide a good life for them and ourselves. And so the underlying, the meta reason is that, and if we can uncover what is that, the meta reason behind our goal, then I think that can help us be connected to that underlying vision in a more wholehearted way that allows us to push through those barriers of procrastination that we can often encounter.

Stephanie: 45:57

And, and maybe it's one of the things that I think we forget is that it can be, I want to make money to support, or is it I want to make money so this doesn't happen.

Cody: 46:07

Hmm.

Stephanie: 46:07

we grew up poor and we were, not secure in the realm of food having enough. Where's it going to come from? Maybe that's the underlying thing. I never want to be insecure about food again. That's a huge motivator, and that's something that maybe is a lived experience for you, and that's fine.

Cody: 46:29

it actually is. So I, I wrote a book called From Foster Care to Millionaire, and I was partially in foster care while I was actually running a business and I was a poor kid that went to a rich high school and I saw that wealth and status you had to become successful. So that's what start allowed me to start the business, is I wanted to become liked and popular, but then when my parents died, I was out on my own. And so I was driven by this fear, this fear of not wanting to be homeless. And so I was able to work really, really hard in my youth to become wildly successful beyond my craziest imagination. But having achieved that success, you know what's also interesting is I discovered that that money isn't really a motivator. I never created these businesses because I wanted to have a bunch of money. It was a drive to survive. I was being driven and motivated by this fear of not wanting to be homeless, of not wanting to have, uh, being able to, to, to feed myself. And I think that's an interesting distinction, at least in my case, that, that I did come from that place of, of, of lacking, and that created this drive to actually create this, this, a abundance of wealth for myself. But now that I've achieved that, I can actually look back and actually see that, that I'm, I wasn't motivated because I wanted to, to just be rich. It was a need that I had at the time, and now I'm in a position to have amazing conversations like this. And that's really what drives me now, is having these, impactful conversations about how we can live a more connected, a more self-fulfilled life that allows us to be happier and achieve our goals. So, so, uh, that's just a side tangent, so just thank you for being a part of that, Stephanie.

Stephanie: 48:23

You know, I, I, I, I have stories from my youth that. To this day come to mind when you, when you talk about that. And I think that if we, if we take the time to look back, figure out what are those core memories that we have that are driving us today, I think that can be hugely beneficial as we set goals and dreams. I think that also, for those of us who have. Come from that striving desire to not have something happen. I think that it also can lead to that, never celebrating your success, because we're all always striving for that next thing because that's, that's how we grew up and that's where we came from. I love. Looking at different, sayings from around the world based on how we live our life. And, and we all know the saying in the United States, that is the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And I was reading something the other day that was the, um, I think it was Japanese and it's was the nail that sticks up gets hammered down and how different those two things are. You have to work hard, you have to be constantly talking about it and or. You just need to maintain. And if you don't maintain, you pop up, you're gonna get hammered down. I mean, I think that, hindsight is a lot easier than looking ahead. And I think we don't often just stop and take the time to look back because I think we can learn a lot about ourselves from that. And I, I love that, um, that, that story that came to mind for why, um, why you're doing what you're doing. And I love that you're, you're here and you are having these conversations to help people.

Cody: 50:10

Yeah. Thank you. So how can individuals stay focused and committed to their goals in the long run? I know that you mentioned, say this concept of accountability and then setting deadlines and breaking things down. is there anything else that we might, that might help us in this journey?

Stephanie: 50:31

I think that we need to in, in some cases, get over the idea of being selfish. That focusing on ourselves is not okay. That in some ways, that's a negative attribute because if we stop and allocate the time that we need for ourselves to accomplish our goals, whether that's in terms of work or fitness or mental health, then I think we're gonna be more capable of supporting those that we love around us. So, I think especially, gosh, I remember being a new mom and just that constant, what does that little tiny human being that's a hundred percent relying on me need next? You know, is it the diaper? Is it the food, is it the, you know, what, what's the next thing? I would carry the little, um, the little bouncer I had into the bathroom so that I could shower, and then I would shower as fast as I could, because what if I missed something? and Um, that's, you know, that's not a really healthy thing to do. ha ha ha I think if, uh, if you have your baby in a safe spot and you leave the door open and they're in the bedroom and they're. They're safe. You can take a shower. You could even take five minutes to get a few things that you need to get done, and when you're out of there, you're gonna be refreshed, and then you're gonna be even more empathetic to that little tiny human that's relying on you. I think sometimes we forget that we get on that flywheel of busy life and we're, you know, we're working hard. We're driving the kids here and there. Whatever your life looks like, it's always busy. Woo. Take a deep breath. Take some time to figure out what you want to accomplish. Write it down, check it off. You can do it.

Cody: 52:11

Hmm. Yeah. It, it's so often, especially young people have this invisible pressure on themselves that perhaps it was given to them from their parents of wanting them to be successful. And they feel this intense pressure. And often I've, I've encountered kids that are in college that just feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders and that they're trying to maintain all of these expectations and then they just become overwhelmed. And so often if we can just kind of pause for a moment and, and really think about where we are and actually what is the person that we want to be, not the person that other people want us to be. And I think that's how we can be connected to that, that internal set of values and that positive vision that has been so drowned out from other people's ideas of who we should be.

Stephanie: 53:05

Yeah, we spend all of our time and energy meeting those expectations. If you're in college, you have to get, this grade on that test and you need all these credits, and you've signed up for extra classes on top of that. Woo. Taking a deep breath, figuring out what is that stress doing to you and understanding you are putting that stress on yourself and if it is leading to outcomes that you don't appreciate, if you are short with your friends, if you are not finding time to be physically active. All of these things are leading to things that you don't want. I think that's huge. Stop. Take some deep breaths and figure out what you want. Where are the, where are the, where's the pressure coming from? And does it need to be that intense? And how are you going to rebalance your priorities?

Cody: 54:02

And before we recap and close this conversation, I would just like to ask whether there are any specific topics or questions that I haven't covered, or questions that I should have asked that you wanted me to ask?

Stephanie: 54:18

You know, there's nothing that I can think of. The one thing that I think we've touched on over and over again is the importance of our self-talk in creating our reality. one of my favorite studies, they took 80 hotel maids. They split 'em in half and they said, okay, so these researchers went in and they said, Take us through your day, all the cleaning activities you do. So as they went through each cleaning activity they did, the researchers said to half of them, oh, that's burning this many calories. It's working these muscle groups. And they went through their entire day. Uh, when they got done, they said, you are meeting the requirements fully for being an active, you know, physically healthy adult, great job. The other ones, they did nothing. They said, okay, we're taking all your vitals, height, weight, blood pressure, and then they waited a month and they came back. They retook all those vitals, height, weight, blood pressure. The 40 women MA, mainly there were women that they said, Hey, you guys are physically active and you're meeting all the requirements. They weighed less, their blood pressure was less. All of their stats looked great compared to the group that they didn't say that to. The funny thing about that study was nothing changed. Those women were doing the same job, but in one area. They thought what we're doing is physically active. We're healthy. The other mindset was whatever their mindset was before, the only thing that changed was what those researchers told those women. And that, that to me kind of, uh, proves that what we tell ourselves, what we think about our actions, pretty darn important in our overall life and health.

Cody: 55:58

That's such a brilliant study to mention because mindset is. One of the most powerful things and tools that we have in our possession. Having a positive mindset, having a mindset that's open to interpretation, to looking at something in a non-judgmental and curious way that helps to reinforce our adoption of this desire for productive habits. Because we all wanna be productive. We all want to be happy, and we have these things that kind of stand in our way, but when we can look at our obstacles or our problems in a positive way, or see that the thing that we're doing is actually exercise, it can actually have physical effects in our body that allows us to continue to do those things. it's a really interesting thing that I hope everybody experiences. I know I've experienced this where I've had a single thought and that single thought. Changed my mindset, changed my motivation in such a huge, huge way. And the more of those epiphanies and mindset shifts that we can have in our life, I feel like the more impactful and the more self-fulfilled and self-actualized life that we can actually have. as

Stephanie: 57:21

I love it.

Cody: 57:22

no thank you. So as we conclude our interview with Stephanie Ewing, let's recap some takeaways. We discussed the importance of self-awareness, consistency, starting with small goals, and also mostly importantly mindset. Stephanie shared some practical strategies like breaking down tasks into smaller steps, prioritizing and time blocking and practicing self-reflection. But remember, these strategies are only effective if you apply them consistently. Stephanie's book does a fantastic job at explaining all of this. Again, it's called the success mindset. And it goes into further detail on all of these techniques and offers additional strategies to help you overcome procrastination for good. I explore you to check out the show notes to explore her book and start implementing some of these strategies in your daily life. Remember, taking action is the key to success. Stephanie, thank you for joining us. It was an absolute pleasure to have you.