Hospital Chaos To Stable Peace: What Horses Taught My Nervous System

Ever had a day where everything feels too loud and your body won’t stop bracing? I swap hospital alarms for stable mornings and discover why horses make terrible liars of us: they don’t hear your words, they feel your state. That became my wake-up call to slow the tempo, regulate first, and let results follow.

I share the messy return to riding—buying an ex-racehorse, facing falls, then realising I couldn’t muscle my way back to confidence. Pressure only made him freeze. Natural horsemanship reframed the work: soften breath, loosen the jaw, match intention with action. When my inner “maybe” turned into a clear “we go,” the stops faded. Along the way, barn life offered an antidote to sensory overload: no headphones, no multitasking, just finite, tactile jobs—mucking out, filling hay nets, making feeds—that restore focus and end with a clean, visible finish.

We translate those stable lessons into everyday tools you can use without getting covered in hay. Think sensory narrowing and decluttering for fewer inputs, slower hands with purpose, and low-stakes chores that calm the nervous system. I walk through four simple experiments: one-sense attention for five minutes, a 30–40% slower task with no multitasking, three daily check-ins for breath and tension, and a ten-minute swap from doomscrolling to gentle movement. The goal isn’t to be relaxed all the time—it’s to be regulated and congruent so your body trusts you again.

If you’re craving less noise and more steadiness, this conversation is a practical map back to presence. Listen, try the experiments, and tell me what shifted. If the episode helped, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs the barn-level calm, and leave a quick review so others can find it too.

Transcript

Framing Horses As Life Teachers

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We all know that spending time with animals is relaxing and good for you, but I would say horses are different to other animals. Now, I'm not saying go out and buy a horse. Like, you don't need to love and go out and buy a horse to listen to this episode. Like, yes, it's about horses, what horses taught me and how to how they taught me to change and become a better human for myself. But I think unless you love horses, like really love them, like you have to be super committed. Um, it's a very expensive hobby, so don't take this as like I'm gonna go out and buy a horse because Dawn said so. But I want you to imagine two scenarios. Um, I'm gonna be bringing this back to real life. Don't just think this is all about horses. Number one, you're late for work, you're stuck in a traffic jam, the coffee is starting to hit, you've got loud music blaring, you're feeling overwhelmed, you're feeling rushed, your colleagues are like, Hey, uh, where are you? And then you get into work. I work as a doctor, you get into hospital, patients are running around screaming. This this is actually something that happens, by the way, so don't think I'm being dramatic. And the nurses are wanting you to do like five discharge summaries before 10 o'clock, but you also need to do the ward round, but you also need to do the board round, and it's you know, it's it's overwhelming and it's stressful. And I'm not saying that you know horses are gonna take all these problems away from you, but they have helped me learn how to cope with things better, I would say. Instead, now I actually went to a Hendoo yesterday, like for the weekend, and for once in my life, I was not late. Now, anyone who knows me knows I'm late to pretty much everything. I was late to my mum's wedding. In fact, I turned up at the wrong church, and I was supposed to be a bridesmaid, and then I turned up halfway through the ceremony um with trainers on and my dress not done up. So it was pretty much a disaster, but now I feel more calm, I feel in control of my time, and instead of feeling like I don't know if you've ever had this, where you feel like chronically turned on, not like sexually, just like mentally, like you feel constantly as if like I don't know how to describe it, like you're on, like you're resting but you're tired. Wait, you're resting, you rest but you're still tired, you're still exhausted, but you actually you go to bed and you're like, Well, I can't sleep. Um I went to London the other day and I noticed that I was just pissed off at everything. Like, literally, I didn't need to be annoyed, there was nothing to be annoyed about. I was just annoyed, I was like irritated, and like my mum would just say something, and I was just like like a fire burnt inside of me. Like she'd just be she'd just say something like oh that plant's got lots of leaves, and I'd be like, Why are you talking? Stop talking to me. And I realised a few things at that point like that we will get into this episode. I don't want to give it all away at the start, you know? So um I want to tell you about my um recent getting back into horses. It's definitely uh it's a new sort of a new thing for me last year, it's been, as we discussed in the last episode. Um I did have horses when I was younger. Now I had them from literally like since I can remember, and then till when I moved out, when I was like 16, I moved out of the my mum's house and went and got my own flat. And she still got my horse that I had as a like a teenager, so you know she's like nearly 30 now, which is quite old for a horse, so she's she's very much retired. So I basically I don't know what it was, I just I started like hanging out with her more and we would like ride the horse together where she's got another horse as well, so she would ride that horse and I would ride the other one, and then I just like really wanted to do it more, and I was like, oh my god, I need this back in my life, like I've missed it so much. And then I was looking at loaning horses, and then for some you know, for various reasons, like I realised I quite like to have sort of the centre of control of you know, in my court rather than like having to you know obey somebody else's rules, it's a bit of a common theme in my life. Um, so I did nearly loan a horse and then I decided, well, I'll just get my own. You get a bit more freedom that way, and I could afford it, so I was like, well, I'll just get my own. Um yeah, I kind of thought that I could just like jump back into horses, like I didn't really think oh, I wouldn't have the physicality anymore. Like I didn't really think about what muscles I needed, I didn't really think about the fact that I actually rode a lot when I was younger, and I probably had a lot more like muscle tone in relation to riding than I did when I got back into horses. Anyway, I got quite flighty horse, I got an extra racehorse, um thinking that was a great idea, and I fell off a few times and but they were like really really sore falls, like they weren't just like oh I just like landed on my feet. They were like, No, you're gonna land on your head. And I realised I wasn't able to do what I could do before and I didn't have the because I didn't have the safety, the physicality, um, the muscles to hold me on and the therefore the mental safety, I started to get really nervous and um I decided I would get a different uh not a different horse, so just a second horse, um, that was a bit more like steady, a bit calmer, and that wasn't gonna scare the shit out of me. Um and also one that I could like go out and do stuff on because I didn't realise how much retraining an X-ray horse took. Like I thought, oh I could probably go out and like do stuff in you know a few months and you know we're over a year down the line, and um we're we are competing but not really at like where I wanted to be. You can't rush horses, you just can't, like the more pressure you put on them, the more stress they get, and the more um they sort of they just like pull away from the pressure, they just they can't handle pressure. So that's another thing for me is like if you you can't rush things. I'm always in a rush to like get places and do stuff and and like you know get things done. But horses have just made me slow down. You literally, if you rush them, they just get more and more stressed and they just like they go backwards. It's I don't know, they just they don't respond well to pressure. Um and so I got the second horse and he's quite like he's not like super fast or like flighty or like gonna you know do anything to unseat you. Um and I thought okay, I'll just I can go out and like start competing and just go. Now my old horse was like a lot more experienced, the one that I talked about that was 30. She was a lot more experienced, she kind of knew what she was doing, and she would just like take you around and like do her thing, and you could just sort of sit there like a bit of a passenger princess. And she didn't really mind that much. Whereas this both my horses are like a lot more inexperienced. I mean I couldn't afford a super experienced horse, like horses are super expensive, and like if I wanted one that really was experienced enough to just take me around, it would be like you know, 20k minimum. I ain't spending that on a horse, like something that could just die tomorrow. So, you know, I had to be a bit conservative about what I got. Um, despite this horse not being like super flighty or anything, I think what I've realised over the past you know nine months or whatever that I've had him is he's actually like super sensitive. Um what I found was that I was taking him out and he was just so I I guess you've heard of like fight, flight, or freeze. Now, horses are big like prey animals, so they will do one of those three. Generally they're flight animals, so they will run away. But he he instead of doing that, he was like more of a freezer, and he just like he would just like if he felt worried, he would just like stop and just not move. Now, what I realised was my horse was just like not relaxed around me, or like we would go out and like I take him out in the the horse box and he would just become like a different horse, like he was just stressed and like he would freeze and he was just like yeah, way more anxious. And I was like, I know some of this is me, but I'm not really sure what to do about it. So there's lots of natural horsemanship um courses online, and I was like, okay, I'll just sign up for one of those, it's like£25 a month, but I mean hopefully it'll pay in you know in other ways. Um, it will be beneficial, and I've got to say, like, it's really changed. I don't want to be dramatic and say it's changed my life, but it it kind of has actually. Um now it's definitely changed the way me and my horses interact together, which is a big part of my life, so I guess it has changed my life. Um the thing is with horses, is they are literal mirrors of how you are feeling. Even so the thing is with humans, is we can say, like, you ever said to um ask someone like how are you? and they're like, Yeah, I'm fine, how are you? and you're like, Yeah, I'm fine, even though you're like crying inside, you're super stressed, uh, you've got deadlines that you're late for, and you've got like five million things to do, and you are absolutely not fine. Guess what? Because horses don't speak English, they read your body language, and you can't say, Hi, I'm fine, and they'll believe you, because they won't. In fact, I'm I don't know if people don't if people like don't believe, or if people believe that people are fine. I think people just don't have the time, or like it's just small talk, isn't it? Or like people don't have the time to like really care or like really take in that people aren't fine, or I don't know, like is it that people don't have the time or aren't don't have like the mental energy, they don't stop and think like that person actually isn't fine, and to be honest, I'm sure you've been there where you've been like actually I'm really stressed and like blah blah blah blah, and then they just go okay, and nothing really happens, so you're just like, Well, I'll just say I'm fine because it's easier um than laying my heart out on my sleeve and getting rejected. So, but the thing is with horses is you you can't do that, they know they're like they respond to your breathing, they respond to your tension, they respond to your anger, they respond to how quickly you move. You just can't lie to a horse, like they pick up on everything you do, like even if you think I'm because I think the thing is I was like I'm like calm, I'm like fine, but I wasn't. I was like, I was stressed, and actually if I if I paid attention to my body, like I was super tense, and you just don't realise it because instead of being you're like your baseline of being stressed is a hundred percent, and then actually if you're like well I'm at 50%, I'm not stressed, but to a horse, you're like even if you're 50% stressed, you're stressed, you're just you know, you're not you're gonna freak them out a bit less, but you're still gonna freak them out. And if you want to do anything with your horse, like you're gonna really struggle if they're stressed, so you have to sort yourself out first. And this is what I learned from doing this course. I actually signed up to like Warwick Schiller. Um, if you're not interested in horses, absolutely forget that, but because you don't need to know, but um it's a he's a uh he does like natural horsemanshipy stuff, and basically one of the first like things in the start of the program is working on yourself. And what I realized was I was carrying around so much tension and so much anxiety and so many negative thoughts as well. Like, you're like, Oh, why's my whole stopping at everything or all the jumps? And then you realise that actually in your mind you're like, I'm not sure I want to go over this, it looks quite big, it looks quite scary, and um they even if you're like saying with your body, go if you're saying with your mind I don't want to go, they know, and they will they just won't move, like especially my horse, that's like he is really sensitive, um, and he knows he like picks it up, so and I've noticed such a difference, like just changing the way I think into being more of a like, yes, we're going, um, get like and I know that if I remove my anxiety from the situation, um, because my anxiety comes from thinking he's gonna stop at stuff and then I'm gonna fall off. But if I remove my anxiety, it's like a kind of vicious circle. If I remove my anxiety, he won't stop. But if I'm anxious that he will stop, then he will stop. So I have to like tell myself that, and that has helped a lot. Now, most of you aren't gonna be sitting on 600 kilo animals um racing towards a bunch of sticks that you're gonna jump over, so don't worry, we will be circling this back to actual real life. But I'm gonna I I guess I want to like bring you back to what it feels like to be at the yard. I don't know if you've ever so I think I said this ages ago in one of my other episodes. I literally can't remember which one, I'm sorry, but I have talked about it before, and basically when I go, I was like how viewing houses, and whenever I go into an empty house, like literally with nothing in it, I feel so relaxed. Like I feel like I think I said I just feel like my insides just like relax. I think I called it a tingly bum feeling. I don't even know what what that means. I don't know if that's ASMR or what that is, but you basically just I don't know, like my body just like tingles and just feels like something happens. It's like someone's injecting drugs into me. Maybe that's endorphins, I don't know. I wish I knew the answer. Um I guess it kind of yeah, like somebody's injecting drugs. Um, I'm not doing drugs, I promise, but it's that same kind of feeling, just like super relaxed, like super, like you can feel everything, like you don't feel numb anymore. And I get that when I go into a an empty house, or like just somewhere that isn't like super overwhelming, and that's kind of what I'm gonna call it barn life, like that's such an American term, but like barn life, we call them yards, but it doesn't quite sound right. Um, that's what barn life feels like. So let's say I go up in the morning, I often I like to go when it's not busy, like I do like to see people, but um what I've realized is as I've become more and more horsey, I want to spend less and less time with people, or like definitely less and less time with people that um in like overwhelming situations. Like I'm quite happy to sit at home on my own now. Like before, I think I was constantly like I need to be around people, like ah I don't want to be alone and like kind of feeling anxious about it, but now I'm just like meh, whatever, like I could definitely be a hermit right now. Like, go stick me in a cave in the middle of nowhere, and I think I'll be fine with that. So often, so either I'll I'll go up like super early in the morning, rare, but it happens. Um, I'm not a morning person, it's actually like quite late right now, it's like 10:40 at night. But I would like to point out that I'm on nights tomorrow, so I did nap during the day and it was great. Um now I'm gonna try and stay up as late as I can. So I thought, why not shove a podcast in there? Watch the Hannah Montana movie, and then we're gonna shove a podcast in there. Uh, excellent idea. So I I actually quite like going before work, but the problem is I want to spend all my time at at the yard, and I don't want to go into work after, so I don't love going up before work because what I find is that I get into this like super relaxed state and I'm like having a great time, and then I have to go into hell, and I don't like work because it is it's just so overwhelming. Like working as a doctor is as you probably know, so busy, and it's like sensory overload. Like, if you work in the emergency department, I do love all the variety and you know loads of stuff going on, but it's it's exhausting, like just there's constant alarms going off, and people constantly asking you things, and your brain is constantly switching, and it's like it's just like so you go from like uh relaxing, like spending time with my horses, feeling like super relaxed, and then you go to hell and it's burning and it's opal four madness. Opal four is like like black alert, literally, it's constantly black alert. Um, black alert means there's no beds, no one's being discharged, and there's no flow through the hospital, and also then you get like a critical instant where there's no stuff, so it's just it's constant disaster. So, and I did I think that was just like my constant norm, was like constant disaster. Um, and then you go from like horses where it's like disaster is not an option, so you go from constant disaster to disaster is not an option, and then you realise how much of a disaster the hospital is. I think when you live in constant disaster state, it's just like well, whatever, this is like normal, and then when you take a step back, you're because you you know, working with horses, you can't have you know disaster, it just can't be a disaster, like it has to be relaxing, has to be relaxed. Otherwise, because the risk of having a constant disaster state at the yard is stressed horses, and stressed horses damage things, they're ginormous, and when they panic, they run into things, they damage themselves, they damage items, and they damage you. So, you know, stress and disaster at the hospital is like it's not physically dangerous, it's mentally dangerous, but people don't see that. So, but when you're working with horses, like physical danger is like very it's problematic, as you can imagine. Um so here, yeah, I do try to go before if I go before work, like I do have to sometimes, because um if I'm working late, like if I'm doing a late shift, like an eight or eight shift, I can't really go up after work. So, or if I do, it's kind of scary because you're on your own and it's dark, and sometimes I'll do it in summer when it's not scary. But if it's winter and no one's there and you're there alone, like if I've got my dogs, it's fine because I feel like they'll alert me if something's like not that anyone's gonna come and attack me, but um. And not that anyone's gonna run away from a little tiny chihuahua, but at least he'll let me know if someone's coming to attack me. But yeah, or I'll go after everybody's like after the morning rush. So I'll go at like 9 30 because no one's there. It's great. Or people that you know the people that are working there are there, but the people, the rest of the like people that have horses there have come and gone generally. So I try and go, sorry, I just burped. Sorry if you heard that. Um so I try and go at like the least overwhelming times. It's great. You feed your horses, they're they're happy to see you. You turn up and you hear the birds chirping. Now, sadly, my yard is quite close to the motorway. I mean that has its benefits and its negatives. Um, the benefits are that you know we are close to Bristol, so um, you know, I don't have to drive for like a million years to get to the yard. Um, it's not super super rural now. Obviously it has its positives and its negatives, but the I mean at least motorway noise is like constant, like that's what the motorway sounds like, and it's not like meh meh, or it's not like starting and stopping noise, it's like a constant white noise, but it's still kind of like it would be nice if it wasn't there. But anyway, we deal with it, we deal with it. Um, because I don't really have another choice, but I do love the absolute silence of the countryside minus that noise. Um so yeah, you get there, and to be fair, if you go there super early or on a weekend, there's not really that much motorway noise. Like if you get there um like super early, like 6 a.m. There's pretty much minimal motorway noise. And but it is dark and cold generally and often raining, so it's like it's not super um like I don't love it super much. Uh anyway, you get there and you feed the horses, and then you go clip clop, clip, clop, and um sometimes there's rain and it feels nice. And I quite like the feeling of um I had like if you listen to some of my episodes about my dissociative period, what I always found really grounding and like brought me back to earth and I felt like alive again was um rain and wind and like just weather sensations. So being outside for me was always super uh positive because it made me feel like I was alive and often I just really needed that. So horses definitely make me feel like I'm alive, like you can't really dissociate around a horse for the reasons I've mentioned, but also there's just you know they have rhythmical chomping. Horses eat like 23 hours a day, 22, 23 hours a day, so they're constantly eating. So if you give them a heyna, they're just constantly like in fact I can't make the noise because I don't have the teeth, like they've got grinding teeth. Um, but you get the point. Um I mean not only that, it's you know, we get the nature and we get the quiet and we get the like breathing, like they breathe really slowly, and they're warm and they smell nice, and they stick their little nosy in your face and like they're on your face, and that's just really calming, and their nose is squishy and fluffy, like it's literally sensory. It's I was gonna say sensory hell, it's not sensory hell, it's a sensory haven. It's literally like sensory bliss if you love squishy, warm, fluffy things. I suppose I guess if you like reptiles, not so much, but most people love squishy, warm, fluffy things, like a dog. Now, the difference with other animals, dogs, cats mainly, is horses are prey animals, so they thrive on having a calm person around them that is uh aware of their surroundings. Now, what I always found when I got back into horses was I wasn't calm and I wasn't aware of what was going on around me. Now, dogs don't really care if you're calm, in fact, they quite like you being hyper. Um, they like one of my dogs has a great time if I'm like super hyper and like running around and like playing with her. They don't mind if you're not aware of your surroundings because they are predator animals as well. Like they they're like aware of what's going on and they don't really need you to be um mindful at all, like they just don't care. Like, if you're not like they do, okay. So if you're like sat there on your phone and they want attention, obviously they're gonna be like, excuse me, bitch, um pay attention to me. But uh horses, if you're not paying attention and you're not aware of your surroundings, that stresses them out, like they get stressed by that, they're not just like I want your attention, they're like they feel like you aren't present and therefore it's dangerous for them. So then they get anxious and then they get stressed, and then they can start being problematic. And a lot of problems with horses is a reflection of how you are around them because if you're not paying attention and they're stressed, and then they start running you over, like that's often a you problem, but you don't realise it because you're like, Well, the horse is just being a problem, and actually, humans and other animals can cope with you being on your phone and not paying attention, like it's annoying if you're trying to talk to someone, they're just like on their phone, but it doesn't stress you out, like you're not like oh my god, this is an immediate danger. Whereas horses, no no no, you have to be you have to be on it, like you have to be in the z like in the place that you are, and I often found that whilst I was physically here, like I wasn't mentally present, like I was constantly thinking about something else, and horses just don't like that, like they they're like no no you need to be here, please. Um so I'd like to point out that I'm not I'm not gonna say it's relaxation, like I'm not saying you need to be relaxed, but you need to be aware and you need to be regulated, like it regulates your like your nervous system. I would say, and I would say regulation isn't like relaxation because you're not gonna be relaxed around horses all the time, you're not gonna be relaxed all the time. You might be happy, you might be excited. That's not relaxed, that's a different emotion. That's a that's a high emotion, that's not a down emotion. Um, and when I say high and down, high and low, I suppose, I don't mean like sad, I just mean like more mellow and then a heightened emotion, which is more energetic. So you can still be happy and energetic around horses, like you don't need to be relaxed and like mellow all the time, but you need to be able to control your emotions, you need to but you and you also need to be aware of your emotions. Um, horses pick up on like incongruency. I don't know if that's I think that's how you say it, in c being incongruent, having incongruent emotions. So they kind of know when you're lying, like you can pretend to be happy, but if you're like anxious, they just know because they're like super hyper attuned to um their surroundings, because they have to be, because it's survival, and like if they aren't aware of other people's and when I just say you know, maybe not people, other beings' emotions around them, that's like dangerous for them because they're still living in like a lion or a bear can come and eat me. Like, that's the world that they're living in. They don't really understand that well I'm at a stable, so I'm probably not gonna have a lion walking down the road coming to eat me. Um, and we're kind of the same, you know. We live in this like weird, weirdly like non-natural but safe physically world, I guess. We live in a state where something's probably not gonna generally is not gonna jump out and eat us, but we still have that nervous system, like our nervous system hasn't changed. I'm sure you've heard that before. Which is why it's quite hard for us to be constantly turned on. Um just because our immune systems are well, I guess our immune systems, but our nervous systems can't deal with it. It's just too much. So let's turn into um let's let's finish off with how we can get barn level emotional regulation, nervous system regulation, but without horses, without the barn. You might not like being stinky, guys. I have turned into the stinkiest person, like not right now, because I haven't been to the yard for a couple of days. Um, but like I have my yard clothes, which are my stinky clothes, like Tom's like, my boyfriend's like, you smell like hay. I'm like, little do you know, sir, that that is not the smell of hay. Hay smells nice, like it smells, you know, quite nice. Depends if it's dusty, but it generally smells nice. What you are smelling is manure and we're not gonna tell him that though, because I don't want him to know that is what I smell like. Like it's he bless him. You smell like hay. No, no, no. I smell like shit, like actual poo. But the thing is with horse poo is it's not that offensive. Like, I pick it up with my hands and I I it's not a problem. Um like obviously it's got bacteria in it, probably, but it's it's mostly grass, it's not like hot dog poo or human poo where it literally smells like something's died. Like it's kind of fine, you know. Horse wee on the other hand is pretty pungent. Um, and I've started trying to um get methods of you know removing the smell of the horse weed because it really is stinky. So I mean it's just it's as stinky as any other wee, really, but um horses tend to like you know, in their beds they'll lie down, and if they've weed there and it's not soaked up, then it does stink, it like light it goes on there like rugs, and then what you end up doing is when you put their rug on, you have to like it sort of lies on you to to get it back on, like you have to fling it over, like you can't really avoid not putting it on you to like fling it over them, so then you end up smelling like we like that's just that's the s the circle of life. So yeah, you don't necessarily want the stinky vibes, and also my car is just it's just got shit all over it. Um, crumbs, hay, dirt, um, sawdust, just you know, all this all the really cleanly hygienic things that you really want in a vehicle. Um so what I do is I I do as soon as I get in, I like take all that stuff off and it go straight in the in the washing basket or the um washing machine. Um it does mean I shower every day now, so you know. Benefits. Okay, so anyway, you don't want to get covered in shit, was the uh was the summary of that, but you want to have regulation. Okay, so I guess what you've got a question is like you don't necessarily need to have the horses around. Um lots of what happens at the yard or at the barn is a lot of tasks that require physical effort but they don't require mental effort. Now, what I also do is I don't listen to podcasts while I'm at the at the yard. I don't read, I mean you can't really read, I don't watch videos. In fact, I pretty much don't have my phone on me, like it's uh it's like on the side, it's on it's in my coat or it's in my pocket, and I just don't get it out. Like, I don't listen to music, I do these physical tasks that are generally quite repetitive. Um, mucking out is just like scooping, and it's quite satisfying watching the bed go from like an absolute pig sty to quite livable. Like sometimes I make the make the horse's bed, and I think I would lie in that, like it does smell bad. Um, so but I would, you know, if I was already covered in shit, like I would lie in it. Sometimes I have thought about it, but the thing is because horses are literally f you know five-six hundred kilos, like I don't want to lie down next to a horse that is not already on the floor, even then that's questionable. If they roll over, you're gonna die or hurt something or break, you know, some bones, um, or get crushed. Uh if they kick you, stand on you, it's not great. So I wouldn't lie, uh I wouldn't sleep in my horse's bed, let's put it that way. Anyway, so you yeah, you've got mucking out, you've got filling up hay nets, you've got wheeling wheel barriers around, you've got making up feeds. I find these all super relaxing. Like some people would be like, oh my god, I've got to do chores, but I love it. Like, even if I'm not riding, I'm like I'm quite keen to go up and I'm very happy to do the chores, like, especially mucking out. I find it so relaxing. Now there are chores that I don't love. Uh walking, get bringing the horses in and out from the field at the moment is a real fucking chore. Number one, it's far away. Number two, um, my boots don't fit because I needed steel toe cap boots, but they're quite expensive. And there were some free ones in the freebie bin on the yard that were they're like a size eight, I'm a size six, so they're ginormous and they're quite hard to walk in. Um, but it does mean that you don't get crushed toes. So um yeah, walking to and from the field is quite challenging for me, but um the steel toe cap boots are worth it. So um I don't like doing that, and also because of mud. Um, firstly, the horses don't actually want to go out there, secondly, there's no grass, and thirdly, you have to wash their legs off when they come in, which just takes like ages, it takes like 10 minutes, which fine if you've got one horse, if you've got two or three, it's you know, it's a big job, so um yeah, often you'll bring in like sometimes like two maximum three I've brought in at a time. Um so yeah, but if you don't want to do all of that, what are the other kinds of things that you can do? Um now I've started doing this in my non-horsey life. Cleaning, I I've always loved cleaning, like but having a set end point to the cleaning I think is quite important. Like the thing is with barn jobs is you you make the feeds up and then you're done. You make the hay nuts up and then you're done. You muck out, then you're done. It's not like you know, when you um sometimes when I'm at home and I look at the housework and I'm like, oh my god, this is so overwhelming, it looks kind of never-ending. You're like, oh my god, there's cobwebs there, and then there's dust, and then there's I need to get rid of all this stuff, and oh my god, and it's really overwhelming, and all the dusting, and I need to mop the floor, and the house is really big. So you need to come up with like tasks with a set end point. Okay, I'm going to um wipe the surfaces down in the kitchen, and then I'm that's it. I'm gonna stop. Like there's a there's a beginning, middle, and an end, and it's kind of repetitive, it doesn't require a lot of mental effort, and then that's it. Uh cooking, chopping, chopping vegetables I do quite enjoy, hanging up, washing, just things that like require fairly low effort physically but and also mentally. Um, none of these things require a great deal of thought, like folding up clothes, ironing. That's why people love ironing. It's repetitive, it's relaxing, and it's got a definitive end point. Um, I think the repetitive motion and also the lack of needing to like really think cognitively, like really put a lot of effort into thinking about what you're doing. I think that's where a lot of jobs can be quite challenging. Like, sometimes I go to work and I'm like, oh my god, I've got to think about this. I've really got to think, especially working as a doctor, like it's obviously quite high stakes. Uh, sometimes I look at people that are just doing like fairly repetitive jobs that don't require much like thinking, and I'm like, I'm kind of jealous. Like, I would quite like to do your job for a bit, not forever, don't get me wrong. Like, I do like the thought process in my job, like I do like having to think about things, but sometimes it's like, oh my god, this is like I'm not in the mood for this, like, I don't want to have to think about things today, and I quite enjoy putting the stickers on the booklets. I would quite like to just do some stapling, hole punching, putting notes in order, like just something that isn't like are you having a heart attack or are you dying of cancer, you know, those kind of thought processes, and it's just like it's quite and you have to, you know, answer questions that are quite thought-provoking. I like sticking labels on paper, okay? That's it's relaxing. So yeah, if you can find those kind of relaxing jobs, you know, hoovering, um that's why people like cooking because it's like you do have to think about it a bit, but it's also like it's repetitive, it's low stakes generally. Uh, you know, not obviously if you're doing like great mishabaco, that's stressful. Um or yeah, just something something chill, gardening, mowing the lawn repetitive has a start and end, and it's like you don't really have to think about it that much. Um also just bringing down the like stakes of responsibility, so like a lot of jobs, maybe it's just me, but I have a lot of responsibility, and I do feel like it's quite overwhelming sometimes. Like I would quite like to just have minimal responsibility for a bit. So just you know doing jobs that don't really mat like they do matter, but the stakes of them going wrong is like significantly less problematic. Like, oh, I didn't fill up the hay net properly. I actually looked at um doing uh yard work for money, like it's not great pay, but I thought, well, I quite enjoy it and it's like quite nice. I went and did it for somebody else, the stakes immediately went up, uh, the responsibility went up, and it became it just wasn't fun anymore. I was like, this is stressful now. Doing mucking out stables and like doing it for somebody else where they're like, oh my god, you left in like that little bit of poo and it's like not perfect or whatever. I was like, this is not worth it. I thought it would be great because I quite like doing my own horses, but there's no like whilst I have responsibility, there's not really like ginormous stakes attached to it. It's like, well, if I don't do it perfectly, it's like it's not so much of a problem. Also, I can do it how I want. So bringing down the stakes, not food stakes, the stakes of responsibility. Um, I mean, there has been some mention of like looking after plants, like maybe not expensive plants, but like plants that are fairly low effort, like that's why cactuses are great, but people end up looking after them too much. What you need is something like which needs a little bit of effort but not too much, like a pothos, pothos, pothos, monstera. Those plants are both really easy to look after, but um not super expensive so. And it's nice watching them grow, especially in summer. Uh, saying that I have currently got a Monstera that is looking particularly droopy. Um, I should probably save it really. I was I often leave my plants and just hope for the best. Uh never works. They often, if they're looking like they're gonna die and you don't do anything, they're gonna die. That's the end of that. Um okay, sensory narrowing. Oh, I hadn't really heard of this term until I started sort of doing stuff for this podcast. It's why I like empty houses. My tingly bum feeling, it's rooted in science somewhere. It it's a feeling, but it's also it's scientific. So what I've been doing recently is just removing things from my life. I've got so much fucking stuff. I'm like, how have I got all this stuff? So I've re-installed vintage on my phone and I'm just selling everything. Don't even care necessarily what it's going for. I just want it out of my house. I want it out of my house, I want it out of my life, I want it out of my cupboards, I want it gone. I want it in somebody else's room, like someone else's life. Um, I've just got so much stuff, like, even if the house doesn't look that cluttered, it's there's just so it's quite a big house and everything's just in like cupboards and I'm not using it. I've got plant pots just sat in cupboards. I had a plant business that didn't I ended up just folding it because I was like, this is I haven't got the time or the energy or the responsibility effort mindset to be looking after plants. Um also my house is never warm enough. It is it's hard to look after plants in England if you don't have the heating on. So um yeah, I've got lots of plant pots that I don't use, and they're just like sat in the cupboard, and I'm like, goodbye. It's been so nice just decluttering my life and being like, well, at least somebody gets to enjoy this, and I don't have to have it in my life. Because I also think like we're renting this house, and if I move house, I'm gonna have to take it all with me. So I've been selling books, I've been selling plant pots, I've been selling just random shit that I've just got lying around. Like I went through a creative era where I bought like loads of pencils and loads of like like art stuff. I don't use it. I if I do art, I do it on my iPad because it's less messy. So the pencils went, uh sold those for 10 quid. I mean like bear in mind I'm making a loss on all of this stuff, but at least it's out of my life. But I'm making money, you know. Often I would just donate all of it to charity and I'd just be like, get out of my life. But a lot of this stuff is like more expensive than like necessarily giving it to charity. Um, I did donate some of my clothes to charity because I was like, I probably can't really sell those. Um but yeah, I'm enjoying it so much. I mean, one of my rooms is an absolute tip at the moment, but it's fine because you can just close the door and it's like it doesn't exist. That's my that's my selling room. Um, I've got the table set up so I can take pictures and I've got all the stuff that I'm selling in the room, so it's a bit of a mess, but at least it's going. So, yeah, like I said, I don't listen to podcasts or music or anything whilst I'm at the yard because I want it to be my sacred space. I want it to be a place of relaxation, emptiness, and not sensory overload. It's basically just dealing with one sensation at a time, like I'm uh smelling hay, I'm feeling the fork in my hand when I'm shoveling poo. Um and don't get me wrong, I still think whilst I'm doing this, it's like I'm I'm not like completely mindful, but it's like I'm just removing the sensory overload that I feel constant, I feel constant sensory overload in life. Um especially at work with all the alarms going off and stuff and screaming and people asking me things, and it's just constant, like ah, don't get me wrong, I do need it in some ways, but I also need downtime, and that's the that's the difference, is like I do like the busyness, but I also I need non-busy times. Um so yeah, removing clutter, um, putting your phone on silent. My phone is always on silent. My GP's been trying to ring me for like a month, and I'm like, I messaged them and I said, You need to tell me when you're gonna ring me because I'm not gonna answer the phone, it's always on silent. Unless I'm looking at it, I'm not gonna answer it. They're like desperate to get me on contraception. Like, Jesus Christ, am I that much of a problem to society? Like, I was like, Yeah, I'd quite like to get a coil and get my smear done at the same time, and they will not leave me alone. Like, if you ever want your GP to care about you, tell them that you want contraception, and they're like the happiest people on earth, and they won't ever leave you alone ever again. I'm like, go away, I will let you know, but no, I do want to, but um I'm scared of having that procedure done. It's scary. Not the smear, the coil, so yeah, there we go. Um yeah, I find that when you like slow things down, when you when you get rid of all this sensory overload, your brain stops like being on edge, it stops threat searching, it stops like being super overwhelmed, and everything just slows down. Do you know what I noticed when I was around horses is especially when I started doing all that natural horsemanship course, I was like, what you don't realise is you're like, I'm not I'm not stressed, I'm not worried, I'm not tense, whatever, and then you actually go, Okay, no, I need to think about this. Am I tense? And you relax and you go, Oh my god, I'm I was really tense, and I didn't know because if that's your norm, you just don't realise. So, and then I was like, I'm like hyper aware of my physicality now. I'm like, am I breathing too quickly? Slow your breathing down. Is my jaw tense? Or my sh is my shoulders is where I hold it the most, and I'm like, I do it a lot now. I like really have to calm myself down because if I get overwhelmed, well then it all goes to shit. The horse gets overwhelmed, then that overwhelms me more, and then it's a vicious circle to downward spiral hell. And finally, it's just slowing the pace down, but having purpose, reducing the pressure. So reducing the tempo, but like having slow, repetitive, and finite tasks. We already kind of talked about this a bit, um, but they're necessary, you know? You need to um put your clothes away, but do it, don't do it like whilst you're on the phone or like running around thinking about something else. Have it like a set, like I'm gonna dedicate 10 minutes to putting my clothes away. I'm gonna do nothing else. I'm not gonna be like thinking about oh my god, I've got to go to this thing. It's like no, I'm gonna do this now and only this. And I found that so grounding and so relaxing. Um, I do have some homework for you guys. You don't have to do it, of course, but um, you know, might be useful. Let me just get it up. Um one second. Right, experiment number one. One sense, one task. We're gonna practice sensory narrowing. You're gonna choose one simple task, e.g., walking, washing the dishes, folding laundry. And you can do it for five minutes, and you're only gonna pay attention to one sense. You're gonna listen to the sound, you're gonna listen to it, feel the touch, or you're gonna feel the movement. And when your mind wanders, just gently return it to that one sensation. And you can also notice during that your breath and any muscle tension and how quickly your thoughts are going, but you're not gonna judge it, you're just gonna be like, oh, I noticed that. I noticed that my shoulders are really tight, and then you could just relax them, but it's about noticing it, isn't it? Um, number two, um, slower pace with purpose. Again, we're gonna pick a task with a clear beginning and end. You're gonna tie D1 surface, you can make tea, maybe, you're gonna water plants, but you're gonna do it 30 to 40% slower than usual, and you're not gonna multitask. That's hard. I do that all the time. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna listen to an audiobook and I'm gonna um put the oven on and gonna do the washing up and do this at the same time. And I've got constantly like five million things going on. And you're gonna complete it without any urgency. You're gonna notice the urge to speed up, you're gonna notice the urge to do one more thing, and you're gonna stop when it's done. You're gonna you're gonna draw a line under it, you're gonna say that's done now. Done. And you can move on to something else. And just notice how you feel about that. You can let me know. There is actually a a thing on my podcast where you can send me messages. I don't know how you do it. It's like if you go through the um the my Buzz Sprout website, I think it's on there. Oh, it's called fan mail. You don't have to be a fan, uh, you just have to mail. Okay, but yeah, maybe you give that a go. I've not actually received one yet. I'm a bit of a loner. Um so building regulation awareness. Set a reminder three times a day. And when it goes off, you can notice is my body got is it bracing? Has it got tension? What's my breath doing? And how do I feel at that time? Or you could just do it like three times, like maybe lunch, breakfast, lunch, dinner if you're a three-meal kind of person, and you're not gonna do anything to change it, you're just gonna notice it, and this awareness will eventually help build regulation and build um practices to reduce uh tension and make you notice it more. I've definitely noticed, especially when I'm around the horses, I'm like, do I feel tense? Do I feel positive about this action that we're going to do? Because that's what I noticed is I was always like, oh I don't know, I don't know. I was always like apprehensive about it. But actually, if you go into something more positively, uh the outcome, I don't know if this is life, but like the outcome with animals is significantly more uh positive and conclusive. Um replacing passive rest one evening. So I found that I scroll on Facebook a lot. It does not fulfil me whatsoever. I don't know why I do it, it makes me feel good, but it makes me feel shit at the same time. It's a bit of a weird combo. It's like dopamine but also sadness. Explain that one. Um, so you're gonna replace scrolling or watching TV for 10 minutes with like just doing something else. Now I've been stretching quite a lot because I've got really fucking tight quads. Um I often do it watching the TV, I'm not gonna lie, but I'm gonna do it not watch not doing anything else, just doing that. Um doing some walking, cooking something simple, keep stimulation low. You're not gonna listen to the podcast, a podcast. Oh, maybe you could listen to me. Um, you're not gonna listen to the news, and you're gonna notice how you felt before and after, and also you can notice like did I sleep better? Like, maybe do it in the evening, and then you can be like, Did I sleep better? How did I feel when I got into bed? I'm just gonna give you four, I think that's enough. Um right guys, I'm done so's I think. Let me know what you thought whether you're gonna if you do any of the experiments. Um, and then oh, next week spicy. What was I doing next week? Well, I don't yeah, next week or next episode I should say, because um again, we don't know when they're coming out. Um I probably should do a weekly thing, but I'm keeping I'm keeping the pressure low on myself, okay? I put too much pressure on myself. I'm like, I will do an hour of stretching, I will do three podcasts a week. No, it's all too much for me. Like I just take it back a not. I always think like oh my god, I'm so lazy, I'm so lazy, I don't want to do this. I'm not lazy, I just I overwhelm myself and then and then I'm like too exhausted to do everything that I've set myself to do. It's like the opposite of lazy, but I've convinced myself that I'm lazy. Um so I would like to do an episode on I can't even find where I've written it. It's basically about um to summarise, I guess. It's about uh injuries and risk from a medical perspective, but related. Again, I'm sorry. This is the horse section, okay. Ride through it, ha ha ha ha. Uh and you can get to the other side. I I thought it would be a bit different, you know. The whole podcast isn't gonna be horse related, but I thought I'd do a little horse series, um, get it out of my system. I'm not gonna lie, again, I'm thinking about restarting my horsey YouTube channel, guys. I don't know if I should because again I'm just bringing more things into my life, making my life more stressful and overwhelming. But I also do know what I think I would love you know I love being around horses. I don't know, I think YouTube's would it bring more stress and anxiety into it, but then it's like I would quite like to do it more like as a job, but then you bring work into something and then it becomes bad. I don't know, it's it's inner turmoil that I'm constantly going through. Um, so yeah, that's potentially on the cards, but again, bringing more things into my life that I probably don't need more stress, but I also don't love working as a doctor completely that much. It's it's it's a lot, you know. Anyway, on that note, I've gotta love you and leave ya. I've got nowhere to be, I've got nothing to do, but I've talked for an hour, so and I need to blow my nose, so that should be the end, really, shouldn't I? Anyway, I'm so glad to be chatting to you guys again. And glad I've taken the pressure off and I'm just doing audio now because it's like before I was just far too overwhelmed. I'd be like, oh I don't know if I can get myself to you know be physically animate enough to be in front of camera. Um okay, bye. See you soon. I'm sorry if that was really painful for your ears.