The Process of Healing
The Process of Healing is a powerful platform dedicated to providing hope, healing, and education to individuals who have endured personal trauma. Through engaging interviews with survivors, answering listener questions, celebrity and expert guest and celebrating accomplishments that listeners have wrote in, our podcast aims to shed light on the struggles faced during and after traumatic experiences, while fostering connection and support within our community.
We understand the profound impact that abuse and trauma can have on individuals, and our mission is to offer a safe space where survivors can find solace, inspiration, and resources to aid in their healing journey. By sharing personal stories of resilience and triumph, we aim to empower listeners and provide them with the tools they need to navigate their own healing process.
Whether you have experienced physical, emotional, or psychological abuse, or any other form of personal trauma, the The Process of Healing Podcast is here to offer guidance, understanding, and validation. We invite you to join our community and follow our Facebook page for ongoing support, inspiration, and valuable information on surviving abuse.
For further inquiries or to share your own story, please reach out to us at coaching.theprocess@gmail.com or connect with us @ https://theprocessofhealing.com/ Together, we can create a network of support and healing for survivors.
The Process of Healing
Roya Haghighat: Haunting exploration of real-life horrors
Our guest today is Roya Haghighat, the author of Despair to Devin, bravely shares her journey, one marked by trauma but ultimately, resilience. Growing up in a traditional household, she found herself caught in the coils of an abusive relationship as an adult. Her story is a haunting exploration of real-life horrors, but also serves as an inspiring testament to the human spirit's capacity for survival.
Her tale takes a chilling turn as she delves into the reality of her abusive marriage, her battles with mental health, and her incredible resilience in the face of adversity. The climax arrives with her recounting the painful memory of being in the ICU for three months after attempting suicide that lead to the tragic event that took baby girls life. Yet, she stands strong as she emphasizes the need for recognizing red flags in relationships and advocating for oneself.
In a hopeful conclusion, our guest details her journey of healing, finding strength in education and advocacy. Despite her disability, she transformed her life, becoming a paralegal and working with sex offenders and domestic violence victims. Her story continues to inspire others as she spreads awareness through her experiences. Be sure to follow us on our social media platforms for more such enlightening conversations.
Remember, it's through these shared stories and experiences that we can all learn and grow. After all, it's not about the dark times we face, but rather, how we rise from the ashes.
Order the book with the link below:
https://www.amazon.com/Despair-Divine-Intervention-Overcoming-Darkest-ebook/dp/B0CBSXNC2R
Inspiring talks on wellness, strength & growth in mind, body, and spirit.
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I don't understand why it was me. I don't know if I'll ever be the same. Is the same what I want? Anyway, you took what I thought I could never get back. I could hold on to that anger and roll down, just to begin again. I'm there.
Speaker 2:I learned to go to a closet inside and sit there and commune with myself or whatever God. I didn't believe God specifically, but I made a covenant for myself that when I grow up I will help women or men that have been abused in some sort of way. I didn't know what it was, but it was very strong. So then we moved to Canada with my family without my dad. We moved there. I went to school like any other person. So the abuse I didn't have to watch that anymore, but the damage had been done growing up. And then my dad came to visit a few times so we decided that we should move to the United States and so it was harder for him to come out from Iran and go to the States. He was a carpet exporter and he could go to Europe, but not really state, so we were safe. He never abused me physically directly, but witnessing it was worse than being abused.
Speaker 2:So when I finished college in Canada, in Ontario, I moved with my brother to California because he was already in California established, and then I thought, oh my God, life is going to be great and I never went out with any guys. I was 24 and I had that very traditional background and so I didn't even know what guys are all about, as if they are some kind of no idea. And I was working. My first job was in a cashmere store in Fashion Island, so I was working there and they were very kind to me and then one day two ladies walked in and, aggressive, they took over the boutique, touching everything, and I heard they're talking in Turkish. So I went as a salesperson and I said, oh, welcome, and are you from Turkey? And they said no, we're from Iran. So there is a part of Iran close to Azerbaijan and they have a reputation that very tough. So no nonsense to me was unfamiliar.
Speaker 2:But after a while the oldest sister told me my brother is looking for a wife and can I give you your number to him. And I thought about it. But being 24 and not being able to go out, I said okay, that's not bad, I can go out with a guy and marry him. I was very vulnerable. So he showed up the next day and just presentation he had a tank top on and not even dressed and he said are you Roya? And I said yes and we went out. After two weeks the whole family it's like my big fat girl went in. The whole family came to our home and they proposed to me not him, that was it. It was more of a tribal thing, that what I had grown up with. It was more of a the whole family. That this, the whole family did that I didn't really think of it. No, I'm teaching my clients how to read the red flags.
Speaker 2:I didn't even know that was red flag, was trying to, unfortunately, justify. So this guy. I met married to him and from day one we went to the honeymoon and he was abusive. He was name calling me. He was saying I was size two, how more perfect can you get at 24? And he would say oh, look your fat. Your legs are like chicken legs and they're bumpy. And he would and your teeth are like rabbit teeth. And I'm thinking what's wrong with this guy? I just couldn't tell. I thought maybe you know, he's more insecure. He was darker, I don't know. He was not very attractive. So I thought maybe you know, but I love him.
Speaker 2:Why is he acting this way? At the beginning I didn't read into it and the horse was coming. So he started verbally, emotionally, abusing the whole family. Would come to our home. I had to cook. I'm a bachelor's degree. I never cooked.
Speaker 2:We had babysitter Nani in my country and there I turned into a maid cooking for 20 people and I just didn't get that. Why don't we have privacy? And then he would yell at me. This is the way it is from now on. You're my wife and then his father took me for a walk one day on the beach and this is like from mafia movies. And he said yeah, he's a very stubborn man. If you stand up to him, he's going to kill you and he's going to kill your entire family. And I started shaking, but then I thought he always justified oh, he's a 75 year old man, he's just. And then he took a dollar bill and he wrote and signed and he said keep this in your pocket all the time. So anybody with better self-esteem than I had would just run. But I had no self-esteem because of what happened to me as a child and watching this. No self-worth. And on top of it, I really wanted to be married, to have a guy with me. I didn't want to go back home and live at home again. I just justified that in my head. And once you marry, he cannot do worse. So you have this. We were more traditional than most of the people you see here Persians in California but that's really the bottom line is you go in a white dress and you come out in a white cloth. That's how we are buried into. So that's the mentality. And I didn't know that my mom stayed married because my father had threatened to kill her and us, and I'm thinking she didn't get divorced. Why should I get divorced? All of that? So that was the conversation with him. And then I got pregnant very soon Because we went on a trip again with 25 people in a cabin and I said where are we going to sleep?
Speaker 2:This doesn't make any sense, you know. He said we're sleeping in the closet. So he took me to the closet. I said how are we going to sleep? He's down the floor on a blanket.
Speaker 2:And this is a guy who owns two factories in downtown LA. He made 140,000 a month and he's sleeping in convenience. I said something's fishy about that. All of a sudden he held my hand, he held my mouth and then he I said I don't want to do anything, I don't have birth control here. And he said birth control, we're married, you're married. I said I didn't want to have children with him. I knew that if I had children I'd be stuck with him. He's not going to leave me alone and I cannot divorce and leave the child. And after he finished he took my legs up and hold them and I didn't know why. And then because he wanted the semen to stay there.
Speaker 2:And I did get pregnant and my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me, because she was the only love I had into these 30 people that were around me, and he didn't touch her, he didn't do anything with her, he had nothing to do with her After all of these abuse. Oh, I was pregnant and he was arguing with me in the master bedroom and I was at the edge of the stairs and I don't know what I said and he pushed me down the stairs so I fell. I was like eight months pregnant, big, and I fell down and I couldn't get up. I was scared if something happened to the baby. He said please help me, please take me to the hospital. I was like why? You're okay, you're fine. I said no, please take me, I can't drive.
Speaker 2:So he came and then he stood in that usually what we do is like medical, psychological. We isolate the patient if there is a crisis. So if they can talk. But if he's there, how could I talk? And the nurse did tell me. The nurse told me are you okay? I said I don't know. And then she said Someone pushed you, because that's a typical spouse that would have it not on the street. And I looked at him and you are like this I said no, I fell down stairs so I didn't do it. I knew something he's gonna have a consequence.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, this is not by far happy marriage. This is, and he was a black belt and karate. And so whenever I was talking to him about this no privacy, how come we're not doing by yourself, how come your family is name calling me, or and so he would come and give a big kick, almost you know, brush my face to threaten me to. And he said don't talk to me that way. So I was very naive and unfortunately, grew up. My mom tried to protect us too much. Don't go out with this one, don't do that. You go on a date when you want to get married at those values. And there he is. So my brother is here and he has a good family and established. I didn't reach out to him because my brother would come and drag him out of the house and I just didn't want that to happen and he was gonna help me divorce and everything. The only time that I reached out to him was so he didn't know.
Speaker 2:The only time was that after my daughter, when she was two and a half, I started vomiting a lot. I couldn't eat because the depression got so severe, just the helplessness. I lost about 30 pounds. I was really thin and you could see all my ribs and towards the end I was walking and crawling, crawl to the kitchen, make her a big breakfast tray, and I just make me happy that she's eating, and she would take the egg and put. My mother said no, mommy, I'm good, mommy, eat. And so she put a little bit in my mouth and I go through.
Speaker 2:And so my, I asked my brother. I said I really can't keep anything down and I don't know why. I know why. But so he took me, they did an endoscopy and they saw that it was very red, my suffocates and everything. And the doctor gave me a mipramid which is the very low grade of antidepressant and he said his anxiety, depression.
Speaker 2:And so for the first night I couldn't sleep at all. Six months I did not close my eyes. If you don't sleep for three days you become psychotic. So I was autopilot and that night, the first night, I slept and in the morning I said, oh my god, this is a wonderful feeling and I hated from him.
Speaker 2:So third night he found out I'm taking something, is that you're taking these? Said yes, doctor gave me, and then he opened a new through it in the toilet in front of me and I tears are going down. Only hope is. So he didn't let me do that, and so it came to the point that I lost all hope. I couldn't take her, my daughter, I could just feed her, but I couldn't read to her anymore. My mind was not working at all, I could not even smile. And so I call my mother, my, my mind still work to protect her. So I call my mom and I said, mom, can you come over? I need to go somewhere. I'm I'm sad. Yes, because I kept them away. I didn't want them to see what's going on in my sick mind.
Speaker 2:That moment I thought they're gonna put him in jail or they're gonna take the baby, and so I tried my best to keep all this going. So my mom came and and he was not home, he was at work. I said, mom, I'm gonna go to run errands and come back. And because my mind was not working no logic I went and got a little fruit knife and I drove and I didn't know where I'm going, so apparently I ended up in front of a neighbor's porch. I thought I'm going like to wilderness. It was just. I can't even think why, because right now my brain works. So I started cutting my wrist with a butter knife, can you imagine? And I cut really deep. One of them was not, the other hand was, so then I was laying there waiting to die and I look at the clouds and stars.
Speaker 2:And I said is it come to this? My life is come to this, I might die and go over me. And so I crawled up and I saw the houses right there. So I knocked at the door and they say what's going on? The blood going everywhere. I said I'm so sorry, I cut my wrist and I need to get to the hospital. And then he said what's your husband number? And he came to the city, spain, five hundred. And you said why are you doing this? I say you're asking me why. I'm almost dead.
Speaker 2:The six months I cannot eat. I ate one cracker and little apple juice. That's all I could eat. So I said take me to the yard. And so we went to your.
Speaker 2:This time he hit somewhere, he went, he didn't come close Because he thought they would sell where she killing yourself. And so then this resident comes and he's listening. And so in my giving me stitches and I felt so wordless. And then it's that look, there is a piece of glass here. I never forget that. I said call my husband and he came, usually with. Everyone knows that. So there's fifty one fifty if someone attempts suicide, you can keep them on to seventy two hours. No doctor told me how are you doing? Are you feeling? Why did you do that? Do you have a child at home? Who's taking care of the child? Is this your husband? Nothing, and they released me to him. But the the main doctor that came, my husband ask him to wrap my arms all the way up, and so I said why? The doctor said, okay, I can do that. And then we sat in the car and he told me and this is the Preaching telling me what you mean, you want what happened, you don't mean I'm dying. And then he said you gonna tell everyone. You were driving and you hit the tree, answer your arms, hit your steering wheel nothing, bloody nothing. And at that moment you become I forget the term like when you know prison or somebody tortures you to become there. This is bad of me because that's a psychological term, that you become their slave and so you actually leave through them. It's a syndrome. So I don't have good memory, as you can tell. I tell you what happened to my head. So that's what happened. So we went back. Nothing change the same.
Speaker 2:The next day you went for work. First, he goes to the gym for two hours. I said don't leave me. I? What am I gonna do? How can I take care of the baby with this hands? And he said you speak english, you drive, you go, do whatever you want to do. That was his for six months. That's what he was telling me. I was crawling after him and I would beg, please take me to a doctor, please help me. Do you know why you did all of this?
Speaker 2:After my third time I found out that night the job from the 10 story building. That night he went to the bank and he cashed the CD that was under my daughter's name. That night because he thought, even when I have 5% chance of survival which I did, that was. They said that if I survive, then I would go after that money and we had a $20 million community property that I would get half of that. So it was all about my. These people died for money and he was like a savage person.
Speaker 2:He kept the gun in our safe, he kept the gun in the car and one time he came home and it was all blood. His business suit, white, was all bloody and I had no idea that they do these things. I said what happened? What is this? He said my brother and I got into a fight with with the Korean company. I said why, emanually, you physically fight people? He said, yeah, they want to refund for their 100 fee shirts, t-shirts, just because one sleeve is longer than the other. Can you imagine these people and I? Just so that gave me chills.
Speaker 2:And one time we were in the his factory I was never welcome there. I could even go put my foot, I don't know why. One time I went and brought the baby and he made a big deal of it you stay out and there was a homeless lady and had nothing to do with us. It was not schizophrenic. And he said I wanted to borrow $10 million and have the police kill all the homeless so I don't have to see their dirty faces. So this is a psychopath. This was kind of sadistic. I've never seen anything like that before and I didn't even watch mafia Godfather movies. It was so violent. So I wish I did. So that's the person I got married to.
Speaker 2:So first attempt, then second attempt, the third one it was that there was no neurons or anything in my brain that was working, because I was driving and bumping into cars. And I remember the day before I bumped into this car and the guy came out and I guess he saw how to strut out what he said are you okay, dear? And I said yes and I continued and I wish somebody stopped me that day. That day horrible day, excuse me I went to my mom as usual I would go visit them in the afternoon and I started driving back home and I got that anxiety again, my heart palpitations because the anxiety was go so high. But this time the issue was that I was approaching home and I realized this is going like a tornado, oh my God again. And I can't eat, I can't sleep, and he has to abuse me like that. And as I was going, let me see when he's. Oh no, there was a third one, sorry, back up.
Speaker 2:Third one was I had a doctor friend. She was an allergist and look at those injections, like the sensitization. I didn't need it, but I would go every week to see her and I never said anything. She told me they were so mean. At your party I would throw a Halloween party, I saw that Marlene Monroe, I sang, but that was the way before I got sick and that was my only outlet music. And so I went to her and as she got out of her room I went to the cabinets and took all the injections at the syringes and I had read in a novel that if you inject yourself with air that you will die.
Speaker 2:So my mom really was not working. I was in a place that she would come and help. That's not a good place to do that if you really want it. And so I did that and she came back. I said what is this, roy? What's going on? I said I'm so sorry. I just said I'm sorry about the mess because I wasn't thinking. And then she said why? But why? I said I want to die. And then I showed her the stitches. She said what? They didn't take care of you. I said, take care, they covered it up. And then she said and my blood pressure went up down. So she went to the ambulance with me this time and she took me to the hospital in Torrance.
Speaker 2:That then we lived in the Palace of Orders. And so there there comes the psychiatrist, the director of psychiatry, and I'm like, oh my God, he's going to help me. So he comes you know what he says in front of me to the other doctor. He says oh, these are cries for help. This is important. If someone really wanted to kill themselves, they would go to a hotel room, get a gun and blow their brains out. That's why I had to study psychology, because I want to. Whoever comes to me, those are the first assessment questions that I ask. Abuse, suicide, homicide I've seen so much because nobody asked. And this guy. He never asked me if I had a daughter, if I had a child, if that child was safe nothing. And he gave me back to my husband again no 5150, nothing. What?
Speaker 2:year was this Wow 26 years ago and I did. I wanted to always write a book, but I didn't want to. One day I become famous or the story. I didn't want to do it because my daughter is not here, so I didn't want to be famous because of her. That was my thinking. But then last year I said, okay, because of my memory issues, if I don't write it I won't be able to recall and tell all these details, and it's not fair. I don't want anybody to fall through cracks like I did. I'm sure they will, but at least if I get the word out enough that they could hear oh, it's not postpartum, it's abuse can do that to you, then give you distortions your thoughts and, like me, I started eliminating myself and he knew it and he just watched it to happen. And every time he's like why do you think she's doing that to the doctors. Anyway, that's the third attempt.
Speaker 2:The fourth attempt was going from my mom's home towards our home and then this attack, the anxiety attack, the panic came again and it made me feel like I wanna stop it now. When people who are suicidal that's how they feel. Right before that, the anxiety that comes. So I drove, keep driving and guess what I saw A hotel I saw, and I saw a tall hotel and this clicked what the doctor said. I was never an aggressive person, I was a bygone. So what do I do? I just jump. So I went in there. Apparently, when the people testified, they said that I asked for the room and they give room on the fifth floor and I said no higher. And they said why. And then I said the view. They didn't understand what someone said I need a higher, why do you need a higher? And then they told me you were going back and forth. That's not normal.
Speaker 1:And you had your daughter with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this time I had a stroller, but I was we are two different before it was all enmeshed, but I was not even able to connect with her, so I was not able to like hug her and see her. I was just going like very fast and that for that attempt, my mind, my brain was not working enough to leave her. Someone with family, or I did the three other times. But what they say, you lose it I just. That's why I'm so mad that he didn't help me or protect her. He didn't think that my brain will stop that. I will not even think. Or maybe he did, I don't know. But he wanted to get rid of me first. So, yes, I went up and all I know I didn't even know where the baby is or the stroller. I went up and there was a big window wide open, and because of me they changed that policy in Southern California that you cannot open the windows because people jump off or you can open a little bit. So I saw it and I jumped 10 floors but it still didn't die. There is a purpose here for me. I tried so many times, but this is my baby. I didn't know what happened In the hospital.
Speaker 2:I was in the ICU for three months. I don't know whether in the middle of it or when, I don't remember I was able to use this right hand. Only my left hand was shattered my elbow, pelvis, hips, knees, everything, my bladder, my lungs. So it's a miracle that I'm here. But I kept writing because I had this tracheostomy. Where's my daughter? Where is my daughter? I'm her guardian. And so after a week or so of this that lady friend, the doctor, she came. And when she came because I was asking if whether we were in a car accident, I kept asking because my head was not working. Still I'm with all those medicines. And then she came. She said, roya, she fell, she went after you, she fell, and but it was just the vein in her heart. I don't know where she was trying to minimize it or what happened. But so this I ended up in the ICU for three months.
Speaker 2:When I was in the ICU, this guy had someone serve me divorce paper on my head. I wasn't even, I didn't have my eyes open, and because he wanted to separate the community and everything, he was starting the divorce action. And then they told me really, someone serve them. I had not him, but the server came. What was that?
Speaker 2:Oh, and another time I was transferred after three months to orthopedic floor for all the surgeries. I had 60 surgeries and I didn't want to go back to the surgery room and I was crying on the gurney and they said if you don't go, you cannot walk. And then I thought you know what I need to fight this, I need to put up with this, even though I was crying and they had to squeeze my pillow there was so much tear for my daughter I said you have to do this. So on the orthopedic floor everyone was no, I don't wanna go, and I'm like please come and take me. When I started, I'm a pair of rods and for the first time after four months I stood up and the pain just went.
Speaker 2:But I did it because I had a conviction from when I was a child and I had a conviction that this guy, I need to survive and tell people what this was like. And not only the way he abused was a little odd, because that's not a normal behavior for people. But the day the medical system failed me a couple of times and the assessments, the 5150s, we do it. We take everything for granted. I'm sure people are tired and they go. I am too. Sometimes I don't let people out unless they know what's going on, if they're in immediate danger or not. You know their lives are important. My daughter's life was important, and because she was and she went and she is an angel now, I'm compelled to help others, and also in my community. I mean this devil's standards and it's terrible.
Speaker 2:And for and when you want to get out of the marriage, they come and mediate. You know the family. Oh no, they told me. Oh, your husband is rich. Why would you want to Do? You want to live with him? Go ahead. So this is the way it was, and so this is my mission. So yeah.
Speaker 2:So I had six surgeries. After those three months they put me on an orthopedic rehab. So basically, I was in the hospital for eight and a half months, when, you know, the telephone was 10 cents. I went in and then it came out. It was a quarter. It's like you lose all that time, but I received therapy. There were two ladies that would come and work with me on volunteer basis and they were wonderful. They made me stronger, they taught me to meditate.
Speaker 2:I kept journals I had six journals and it was just amazing that I could steal. It was like scrabbles, but I still have them. So the projectory of go from here to here. It's just amazing. Some days life becomes hard and I'm like, why am I doing this? And it's my current daughter that keeps me going. I got married 12, 13 years ago to a gentleman Persian and he was such a, he was an angel. The first time I met him I said are you an angel? He said no, I'm a man. He's so sweet and kind and he really meant my heart. But last year he passed away of cancer. So it's an inner heartbreak but I'm so happy I have my daughter now. She's a big reminder and I have some of her writings. She's amazing, she's a little writer and she writes letters to me and she paints.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry that the cries for help were not heard and I'm so thankful that you survived and that you are making those changes, so maybe this can happen at least to last people.
Speaker 2:Yes, definitely. I always say, even if it's one person, then that person, others then pay forward. But I hope that I can reach more people Because there's help out there to educate. Education, prevention and awareness are the most important.
Speaker 1:I know that there's probably a lot that you don't remember, so don't hesitate to just move on. But when so you got to the hotel and you were anxious pay some back and forth, saying no, I want higher, they gave you that higher room to the 10th floor. You said right.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:And so you're pretty confident that shortly after getting there is when you decided to jump. Yes yes, and how do you mind if I ask a hold?
Speaker 2:your daughter was she just turned three, very sweet age.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hate that. The word, I'm sorry, just isn't big enough. I feel like doing the things that you're doing, the things that we are doing, is making it to where that loss isn't in vain. And goodness, I'm just out of loss for words. I admire you. I'm so glad that the world has you and that you're spreading awareness. It takes people to talk about the hard things and, like you said, if just that one person hears it and it changes them and impacts them, then great. You are doing some incredible things, and you in July, so just a few weeks ago at the time of this recording. Was it July 17th? Maybe the week?
Speaker 2:of.
Speaker 1:Yeah that you released your book, your memoir. So to maybe lighten things up a little bit because we just talked about some dark stuff that there's some great things that you're doing now to carry on this story and to get recognition for not for yourself, but just so, hopefully, that this doesn't happen to others so you wrote a memoir. Tell us about that.
Speaker 2:Yes, so it's everything that I almost talked about with you. It's from the beginning my childhood, and good things also, good memories like my uncle's garden where I spend a lot of time. So they were good and bad. And going to Switzerland and going to Canada. So those were good, it's all good. When I was at school I was very happy to be around all those friends and all that, and I came to America. Unfortunately, this happened and the way it happened and I got married.
Speaker 2:I would say a good thing about it is my endurance. I don't know where it comes from. Physically it's really nothing there. I barely walk and I keep breaking bones. But when they see me, I talk to clients, I share it with them and they tell me how do you do it? If it was anybody else, they sit in a wheelchair, they say take me and they collect social security. And from day one I refused to do that. I was in a wheelchair. Then I graduated to two canes, then graduated to one cane and I said no more cane. But I had two AFOs the braces that come up to the knee because my nerve damage to my legs and I've fallen a lot. I broke a lot of bones. I've been stubborn when I was younger. No, I don't want these AFOs.
Speaker 2:No, I don't want to walk like that with a cane and I learned my lesson. So I don't want to break things because I don't follow those regiments, but yeah, because I gave up, that's OK, if it makes me less attractive, that's fine. And I just went, I remember, in wheelchair. I went and volunteered at the Messick Violence Center, at the courthouse. So I did that for about a year and I said wait a minute, I can't be paralegal writing these because I'm writing the declarations anyway. So I went to UCLA and became a paralegal.
Speaker 2:So I worked for family law there's a lot of all of this chaos between families and I said I'm writing all these motions for the junior attorneys, I can't go to law school. So I worked from I left 6 AM home in that condition and I went to downtown LA, worked there Until 5 PM. 5 PM I went to the gym close to my home, swim and then go to law school, not there, santa Monica, but in the valley of the county. And then I'm thinking why am I doing all of this? Because of that covenant. And so I did two years of law school and then I broke my jaw actually the things that were healthy at the dentist and so I had to have surgery. And then I went back and they said you have to repeat two years. I said no, thank you, I'm not reading 30,000 cases again. It's not for me. Maybe it's not meant to be, I don't know. But I learned at the courthouse that when you listen to people and take the declarations and they're talking to you about abuse, serious abuse, a piece of paper does not save their life. The guy that comes after them like, oh sorry, let me see your paper. Okay, I'm not gonna kill you. No, there was a judge in downtown LA that was shot by His, by her, the two guards over there. So nothing will. But if you talk to people and help them with their self-esteem and they can get out of the bad situation.
Speaker 2:So that's why I wanted to study psychology. I only had one bachelor from Canada, so it was math and French literature. So they said you got to do another psychology degree and so I did one bachelor, another bachelor and a master's. So it was not easy and I had to do internship. I had to work with sex offenders, batteries, and I did not enjoy it, but it was all learning experience and so this is why I am.
Speaker 2:And then last year, after my husband passed away. I said I always wanted to write a book and he always said but why? You have a life now. I love you, you love me, we have a family. But he didn't know there was a higher purpose for me. Because I survived, I was gonna make a Good thing out of it. I was gonna.
Speaker 2:I'm a witness to abusers since I was a child and grown up, and medical Neglect, and so you know what they did to me afterwards. They took me to court on in an ambulance on a hospital gurney and they said that they charged me for murder first degree murder, second degree and volunteer manslaughter, and so my family had to pay about $90,000, not just taking care of me. But now we have this legal and we found out that my ex was going to the police department and they were pushing the DA to press charges. I'm sure they were gonna press some charges in a year or after that, but none in the hospital. So what happened? Yes, they put me to record system on a hospital gurney and every time I talk I threw up so much, it was so emotional.
Speaker 2:And the judge the first thing he looked at me. He said see his mild and he said I know what it's like to have pain. Because he was older and and the deist like pointing on my nose hey, this you do. And he said but you are young and you don't appreciate the pain that somebody could have. Look how much pain she's in. So I would move my finger. You go sit over, love that from the beginning the judge was with me and Because they wanted to throw the gurney out, so the jury Will not empathize with me. And he said absolutely not, I couldn't see up. That was so early into my surgeries. So they did that to me for about three weeks and they drop everything except they didn't drop. Oh my, my, my attorney told me Roya, they're gonna get you for something because there's a child in war, even if you don't throw her, if you don't jump with her, I said what I do, whatever you think, and he said, just, I'm gonna give them a voluntary manslaughter, which is Not intentional, and I'm not even thinking about doing anything. But for me, the kind of mom that I was, I just I said, okay, we do it.
Speaker 2:But after that, after after they told me that I oh yeah, I was back at home and I got up, with the help of my Walker, if you believe, because too much is too much. Not only you never helped me, I sat in the car, I was not driving that town, but I did sit in the car and I. It was just silly, but I wanted to drive off a cliff Again and it stopped me, the barriers and the police car. Did you hurt yourself? I don't know, I don't care anymore. So then the judge had the DA apologized to me in Writing, the way he talked to me because that was killing me. That was the pointing. And then she's oh, she had depression. Oh, she shopped every day in North Trump. No, you know what? My budget was $2,000 a month. He had 140. I could not afford. I had to pay for the bills, I had to pay for groceries, for clothes for me and my daughter. I was a slave financially when he was only she shopped every day at North Trump. Just because I live in a nice house doesn't mean that I have control of it. So that was the law.
Speaker 2:For that was the fifth attempt and the memory is not good because that time they said she's dangerous to herself, that time only. And they took me to the hospital and I had ECT electro shock therapy For I don't know how long. So I came out. I lost all my memory. I couldn't remember my brother's home. I didn't even know what the driveway is. That took me months. I Didn't even know who my mother was. It wipes out your short term and long-term memory.
Speaker 2:But after that I didn't want to kill myself. I tried to understand what was going on. My Suffering, my mourning for my daughter Got a little better and there was no more courts. So I just tried avoid the subject of what happened and everything for a long time and little by little memory came back. So I was able to volunteer and to study. But from time to time I still have a struggle with short-term memory and I'm not myself anymore. It's like a bionic woman. I have five feet of metal inside of me and but I still have that heart that it loves people and want to help them, want to save them. That's why I'm working here.
Speaker 1:I love that. Whatever happened to your ex-husband?
Speaker 2:He was diagnosed with my memory sarcoma. Sarcoma is a very nasty advance, very fast progression, and we found it when he was A stage. He was in a stage four it just goes so fast and it was in. His hippie had pain and he was a soccer player and I said maybe he's arthritis because he was older than me. And I said no, you never had arthritis in your hip. And so we didn't take x-ray for two months because he didn't believe. And it was there, it was in the lungs and everywhere. We lost him and, the most important part for me, he was my best friend, my lover, my Support in every way. Sometimes I would say I don't want to work. We have my. Why should I? Even I was like no row, yeah, this is you, this is your calling, you love to help people. And he was just like the opposite Of the other one 180 degrees.
Speaker 1:And do you mind if I ask whatever happened to the first husband, the abusive one?
Speaker 2:He got married. Oh yeah, this is funny when I said that, because in the courthouse Family law court he was sitting with two attorneys like 16 $600 an hour on each side, and I had studied parents so he wouldn't pay me that $1800 that's how much they were paying me support and I would write a motion and pay $24 and bring him to the contempt of court. And he was sitting here and I overheard. He said to them, by the way, I'm married now, and one of them, shapiro, what, what did you say? He said I'm married because he was legally married to me. How dare, I didn't care if he's unmarried or not, he said they. Then I found out that they imported A woman from Iran and I guess she was desperate enough to get married to this guy. They had two children and and she divorced and his brother's wife divorced. When that happened to me, they had two children and he told everybody I don't want to go crazy like Roya, I want to save myself.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And that brother was actually nice. He was getting bullied by the family, but she said I don't want that to ever happen to me. Wow, it's a mafia.
Speaker 1:Yeah, very scary my goodness, thank you so much for sharing all this with us. Of course, um I 100 100 and I Am buying your book as soon as we hang up and I cannot wait to read it. Will. As we're closing out, will you tell People your name, the name of your book and where we can find it?
Speaker 2:Yes, of course, thank you. It's Roya Haggigat, h-a-g-h-i-g-h-a-t, and the book is called despair to divine intervention, and by that I picked that because I survived. I had to have five percent chance, and so there must be another intervention other than medical.
Speaker 1:And that wraps up another powerful episode of surviving abuse. I want to extend my deepest gratitude to our incredible guests for sharing their transformative journey with us today. Your bravery is an inspiration to us all. Before we go, I want to remind you to stay connected with us on our social media platforms. Follow us on instagram, twitter, facebook and tiktok, where we will continue the conversation, share resources and provide support for survivors like you. Remember you're not alone. To all of our listeners, thank you for joining us again. Your resilience and willingness to heal is what makes this community strong. As we embark on this journey together, let's remember that there is life. After trauma. We can rise above it and create a future filled with hope and joy. Join us next week as we dive into the healing process and share more incredible stories of triumph and resilience. Until then, take care of yourself and remember you deserve love, you deserve happiness and, above all, you deserve an abundance of healing.
Speaker 2:Now I'm back and I'll pray for you. I'm done hurting. Then we begin again. Now I'm back and I'll pray for you. I'm done hurting.
