Ep 98: The Power of 10/10 Commitment

In this episode, we are talking about 10 out of 10 commitment and not gonna lie, this episode will be a little bit of a wake up call, especially if you haven't been getting the results that you want in your life. Because if you're not, it's time to start investigating your commitment. You ready? Let's do it.

For a full transcript, go to podcast.kelliyoungmansingh.com.

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Transcript

 In this episode, we are talking about 10 out of 10 commitment and not gonna lie, this episode will be a little bit of a wake up call, especially if you haven't been getting the results that you want in your life. Because if you're not, it's time to start investigating your commitment. You ready? Let's do it.

Hello, you are listening to The Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am the Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello, and welcome back to Episode 98 of the podcast. It's me, Kelli Youngman Singh. So many fun, exciting sort of transformations in the last week, and I'm actually recording this podcast for you live from LA. I'm in Playa del Rey on a little bit of a mini moon, and I brought my podcast mic with me because I knew the inspiration would strike and I wanted to be able to capture it. And I also knew that I'm on a little bit of a podcast streak coming back post wedding, and I wanted to make sure that I was still delivering all the goods to you guys.

So yeah, because we are on this mini moon in LA, my body is still adjusting. We got here. Two nights ago, and I am waking up at like 6:00 AM. Because my natural rhythm, my body clock is still set to New York time and it's wonderful. We've been getting up early. Terry made me coffee and he's downstairs just chilling. I have to say even. When was it? I guess yesterday, last night we got back and I just had the urge. I was like, I want to post the rest of my wedding photos. This feels like something I've been wanting to complete and I really just felt it.

And I wanna just shout out Terry for a moment because something that's been so beautiful to witness and that I learned from and that I fucking thank my past self for is choosing a partner that really honors me and honors my desires and honors just giving me the time and space to honor myself. And so I mean, even as I'm recording this podcast, Terry is my number one supporter in terms of just knowing that my business matters to me, my commitments matter to me. And this kind of ties into what we're gonna talk about on this episode.

And even yesterday night after we got home from a day of adventures and excursion, I kind of just went in the zone and I was like really committed to posting the photos. So I took about an hour to kind of curate, edit, and then sort of like share those photos. And if I'm being honest, maybe it was a little bit more, 'cause I was color correcting all the photos to make them cohesive. Anyways, it was just so beautiful because as I deepen my own commitment to honoring myself and what I love to do, it's reflected back to me by my partner. And Terry just kind of gave me the space and understood, and he's like, yeah, do what you gotta do. Like your desire is strong and I'm always gonna allow you, not even allow, but support you in completing or giving your attention to the things that matter. And I know that might sound so freaking obvious, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that that has not always been my lived experience in other past relationships.

So again, to all my single ladies out there or single people, just know that the more you continue to do this work, the more you raise the baseline for the yourself, the more the people in your life can meet you there and support you in honoring it, right? And if they don't, it's also an indicator for you to decide what is the baseline of my life that I will tolerate? And for me now living the experience where my partner truly honors me. Again, like that standard I set for myself is just rippling out in every area of my life, and that really is how this work is so cumulative.

Okay, what I wanna talk about on the podcast today is 10/10 commitment. Okay? And this might be a little bit of a Truth Mirror episode. And I am shocked that I've not talked about this on the podcast before because I have an entire Module, about 10/10 commitment inside of The Performers Plan, one of my programs that you get access to inside of Momentum. It is one of the things that has changed my life for profoundly in how I make decisions and how I follow through and how I execute things, and it was also a huge wake up call in my own life when I realized that as much as I wanted the results from 10/10 commitment, most of the time we are walking around with six out of 10 beliefs and four out of 10 behaviors. Just let that sink in, okay?

And I promise you, I didn't arrive here on my own. I arrived here with the help and guidance and support, and years of rewiring my brain that I did with my own coaches. And if you've been following along, if you're on my email list or you follow me on Instagram at @kelliyoungmansingh, this is one of the ways that I have chosen to invest in my brain because yeah, over the last four and a half years I have dedicated $120,000 and lots of hours of my life as both a facilitator of this work, but also a student of this work to understand what it means to be fully committed.

Now, we're gonna talk about on this episode what fully committed is and what it is not, and when you really hear this and understand that the only thing standing between you and the life you want is your commitment, it will change who you're being and how you're showing up. Okay? Because commitment isn't just about saying yes to someone or something, it's about how you become the version of you who can handle what you're asking for. That's not gonna run from the challenges, obstacles, or things that come up. Okay? And the fun thing about All in Commitment is that when you're fully committed, you are gonna create a literal shortcut in your brain because it clears away the resistance. It lets go of all the places you're looking for the out.

Okay, so in my recent email I shared too that, you know, when I hired my first coach, I didn't have the money like sitting around. I had to literally decide that I was gonna allow myself to pull for my 401k. And then there was lots of little actions along the way that I had to follow through on, filling out the forms, the like... there was lots of opportunity for my brain to say, and nevermind, this is too risky, or this is too scary, or this has gotten too complicated, right? These thoughts are all wishy-washy evidence of lack of commitment.

And even on like a much more casual scale. Before we left for our mini moon, I said to Terry, I really wanna make sure that our wedding thank you notes are completed and in the mail before we leave. Again, I watched myself sort of set a plan to do five cards a day and I don't know that to me is like, okay, I can have that plan, but when that plan was not accomplished, again, I could have changed the goal. I could have moved the goalpost and said, you know what? Nevermind, I'll take the cards with me to LA. Terry actually even suggested that. He's like, take the cards with you to la. You could write them there.

You could write 'em on the plane. And I was like, no. My commitment is to mail these cards before we leave. 10 out of 10 commitment looks like that is non-negotiable and not non-negotiable to put you into stress or panic. And again, there are times and places to ask yourself, what would I need to complete this and or is this essential right? But even just a few podcasts ago, I talked about the energy of Unintentionally Deprioritizing things. So this kind of couples with that concept of 10/10 commitment is like, I am fully committed. I am doing this thing. When you eliminate the, I don't know, the, what's it called? When you're like contemplating or deciding and you're like kind of remaking the decision over and over and over again, that's the thing that kills your momentum. That's the thing that creates wishy-washy commitment and that's what interrupts you following through on this thing that you set out to do.

Okay, so again, in the instance for getting our thank you cards out before we left on our mini moon, I didn't execute the plan properly, air quote properly. I didn't fill out those five cards a day. I filled out five cards, and then I had about 45 more to go. And the day before we left, I doubled down, because my commitment was to finishing the cards. I got about half done the day before and the morning of our vacation that we were leaving, we flew out on like an evening flight. I went all in, because that was the plan, right?

I wasn't wishy-washy. I enrolled Terry to help me. I asked him to go to the post office and buy the stamps. And when it came time to sort of like seal those babies up, I asked for his help again, right? But then the question becomes, what would I love, right? Which was, in this instance, to complete the thank you cards and how can I complete this and meet this commitment as planned?

Right, because yeah, of course that did look like asking for more help, but what didn't change was the goal. Okay. So I want you to think about how often do you use your follow through or lack of follow through against yourself. I coach one of my clients on this recently, and it totally transformed her life when she realized like, oh, I've been clinging to an identity of being a person who doesn't follow through and like where are you dabbling in things, where you're like, oh, I kind of want this, but eh... I mean, and honestly, I used to dabble a lot, especially in my performing career.

In the beginning when I got back from my cruise ship and before I was equity, before I had an agent, before I, you know, made my Broadway debut. I was dabbling. I was kind of like, ah, I wanna be on Broadway. And I was like, again, wanting the 10/10 result of being a Broadway performer. But I was only. Like six outta 10 belief, which resulted in four outta 10 action. When I had to look at, oh, shit. I'm saying I want these things, but I'm barely moving my body. I'm barely going to class, and I'm barely showing up. For auditions, right? Because I still had to dial up that belief in myself, which is why the belief has to come before the result. And when you're in that 10/10 belief, it facilitates and also. I don't know inspires the 10/10 commitment, but I think we do also need 10/10 commitment to achieve 10/10 belief.

I don't know. Now, maybe I'm getting into another topic, but do you hear what I'm saying? It's sort of symbiotic. When you are 10/10 committed, then you're willing to do the 10/10 actions. You're willing to do the 10/10 belief because you're like, well, if I'm gonna be on Broadway, what's the version of me that actually takes all those actions, that gets the headshot, that invests in the classes, that pays for the coaching, that you know is willing to reevaluate what I'm wearing at an audition and buy those pants. I don't know, I'm just thinking about that day. I bought a pair of pants on sale right before my audition and yeah, I walked in the room feeling amazing 'cause I loved the pants I was wearing anyways. Right. We only do those 10 out of 10 actions that are gonna create the 10/10 results when we're fully committed. Okay.

And so your follow through your, I don't know, current experience of yourself is always a mirror, and this is why if you haven't listened to Layered Learning, you're gonna wanna go back and listen to that podcast too, because there's always the experience you're having and the Layered Learning comes from witnessing how you're experiencing it, right? Like there is gold for you. Clues, nuggets, evidence of what you're currently believing based on how you're acting in your everyday life. And so part of being 10 out of 10 committed is also being willing to witness that and make a change.

Now, it's much easier to do that when you're not adding on The Second Layer. Okay. Like this is so funny 'cause I'm using so many terms concepts, plugging in different podcast episodes, which again, if you haven't gone and listened to that one yet, go listen to the second layer. But that's really like when we're adding on guilt, shame, wrongness after the fact, right? And those things will come up. But when you have the tools to process it and witness it and not make yourself wrong every. Step of the way, we're eliminating more steps. We're eliminating more internal work that you're doing all of the time so that you're clearing your mental load and giving your full energy and effort to the thing that you really do want.

So that 10 out of 10 commitment is actually much easier than if you're in the wishy-washy sort of half in, half out, I call it straddling, right? When you're like, eh, I don't know. Straddling your decisions, straddling your commitments, straddling if you're really gonna do something or not, but you'll know that this is happening to you because you're drained. And whether it's a new business idea, whether it's pursuing dating, whether it's making more money, no matter what it is, if you are being wishy-washy about it and you're not fully committed to figuring it out, or to bridging the gap in your skillsets of what would be required to go from where you are now to having the result that you want. If you are not 10/10 committed to that, you're gonna watch yourself do so much extra work.

You're gonna be spending your mental energy on convincing yourself, remaking the decision. You're gonna be weighing the pros and cons of whether it's worth it, whether you're making the right choice, the wrong choice. You're gonna be again, just like wobbling. When if you were 10 out of 10 committed, all that energy that you're using to decide about this result would be going towards creating it. So instead, you'd be evaluating, you'd be asking yourself, what could I do differently? What is my current belief system revealing to me in the Layered learning of where I can expand my thinking? Where is my current results giving me the feedback of who I am currently being and who I still get to become? Right?

Because the thing is, when you are witnessing that, you can see. That of course commitment might feel scary at first, but when you commit, you get the freedom. Commitment is actually freedom. It's the freedom to commit to the thing that matters to you, right? No one's gonna get in your body and make you commit to something that you don't want. But that's also really valuable feedback is like, why am I committing to something that I don't want? And a perfect example of this is like when I was in my previous relationship and it was, I don't know, eight and a half going on nine years, and I was like, really committed to this person. Even though it was something I didn't want, right?

So again, it's okay to witness and see, oh, I've committed to something and I'm holding myself to this commitment, but does this commitment serve me? Like that's a different flavor of entry point. But I think that again, also has so much gold in the Layered Learning of, like me realizing that as a human being, my only commitment is to myself and to my pursuit of the things that matter to me, right? And like really, truly, I don't hold Terry accountable for my happiness. That's my own, happiness. Like I am responsible and committed to myself. And of course now we're married, I'm committed to Terry. But when I'm committed to something, I enroll him in my vision. But I don't expect his commitment to be towards my desires, even though they are. Like, but that expectation is not there, because I'm willing to hold the responsibility of that for me.

This is what 10/10 commitment looks like. You don't need someone else's support. You don't need their belief. Like maybe you've been telling yourself, well, if I had a partner or if I had someone who believed in me or if, you know, if they thought it was a good idea, then I would go all in. But again, that's just like a sneaky, wishy-washy way to outsource our responsibility and to wait for permission. When you're 10/10 committed, you don't need anyone else, because I didn't wait or ask for permission before I started my business. I didn't ask for someone else's approval before I withdrew money from my 401k, right? I didn't ask for permission. Even when I invested 25K in a six month mastermind, right? This is where it's like, oh no. I'm committed to building a business. I'm committed to becoming a life coach. I'm committed to changing people's lives through this work. Like the identity of who I became in every single commitment changed how I moved through the world.

And the last example I'll give you before we close out is that, you know. I remember my most recent mastermind that I did in the Fall. I've done a couple other containers, but this was like a, an a serious investment. It was $15,000. I remember getting on the consult with the coach and knowing that I didn't have the funds yet, but I was like, I am all in. I'm committed. I'm doing this right. So then my question wasn't, oh my gosh, I don't know. I'll see if I can afford it. I have to figure it out. Like this is where we get into limbo, right?

But when I got on that call with my coach, I was like, oh no, this container is for me. I'm doing it. I decided. And again, whether it's literal or not, because that decision also gives the Universe very clear instruction based on who you're being and what you're ready to receive and what you're willing to hold the responsibility of it, right? I wasn't in the energy of like, oh God, I don't know if I can commit to this. I don't know if next month I'll be able to pay for this. Right now. I decided I'm the kind of person that meets my financial commitments that always has enough money. My fuck yes is always fully funded. Right. So when it was a full Yes, a full body yes. For me, I trusted that the money was on its way. That week, I re-upped a client at 10K. That was last year, my old rates. And of course that money went towards the container. And when you start moving with certainty and decided commitment, you start asking higher quality questions, okay?

There is no perfect time to commit to anything. There's only the moment you decide to show up, and you decide to be the version of you that follows through, instead of, I'll try. Like, I'll try to make it, someone invites you to something. I'll try to be there versus like, oh yeah, I'll be there, and if you can't, then it's a no, but not living in limbo.

Okay. So some soul work for you from this podcast episode. Where are you currently in wishy-washy, lukewarm energy. Where are you kind of in the, eh, I'll try it out. I'll see what happens phase. What would 10 out of 10 commitment look for you right now? What would be different in your life if you weren't saying you wanted something and then pulling out of it? What would it look like if you were willing to do whatever it takes to be committed to the life that you want? Right? Whether that's showing up for your workouts or prioritizing your health or making time on your calendar to call the people you love, right?

Like being committed to living the life you want, 10/10 commitment. What would be different for you and what would that look like? And what decision have you been putting off until you feel more ready? Right? Whether that's launching your first offer or raising your rates or putting a date on the calendar for your wedding. I think I shared that on one of the podcasts that I literally decided. We set a date to decide and set our date. And on January one we had set our date for April 26th. Right. So where are you not following through on commitments and what decision have you been putting off?

Because the truth is, readiness is not a requirement, but commitment is. All right. That's what I got for you this week. I'll meet you back here for another episode. Bye.

Hey, I wanna invite you to get started 'cause if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. You get to love your life as an actor, singer, or dancer, even including auditions. And if that sounds amazing, come join us inside of Momentum, you get lifetime access to the performers plan coaching community and more. And I will be supporting you the entire way. Go to Kelliyoungmanwellness.com/momentum to join us now.