WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:01.120 I'm ready to preach God's word. 00:00:01.280 --> 00:00:03.040 Are you ready to receive it today? 00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:06.559 The year was 1999. 00:00:06.959 --> 00:00:10.800 It actually was a Monday, May 24th, 1999. 00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:14.400 And Ethan was born on Friday, May 21st. 00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:19.760 And finally the doctors and nurses came into the room on Monday and said, You're gonna have to go home. 00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:22.000 Like, you can't stay here anymore. 00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:26.800 And Ethan being our first, we were a little hesitant. 00:00:27.199 --> 00:00:38.560 We weren't sure if we had all of the tools and all of the things necessary to raise a son and to raise to be to be parents. 00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:40.399 And so we were a little nervous. 00:00:40.479 --> 00:00:43.600 And so they came in and they stocked us up with all of the goods. 00:00:51.920 --> 00:00:56.320 And they'll re keep they'll keep restocking them and you keep stashing them. 00:00:56.399 --> 00:00:57.200 Come on, parents. 00:00:57.280 --> 00:01:00.960 You know that's I wasn't born yesterday. 00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:16.159 So uh anyway, so we stocked up on all the goods and clipped Ethan into his car carrier, and they rolled, they took us down, they escorted us downstairs. 00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:17.200 They knew we needed help. 00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:24.560 They they walked us out of that hospital that day, and we had a friend show up and meet us, and uh, he was a great friend. 00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:32.000 He drove like a 1990 or 80 something vanigin, Volkswagen vanigin. 00:01:32.159 --> 00:01:34.480 Just a big square metal box, basically. 00:01:34.640 --> 00:01:52.480 And so we had him as our escort, and he turned his flashers on, and we clipped Ethan into the back seat of our explorer and got in and turned our flashers on, and we had a three-mile drive from the hospital to our house, and we had our flashers on because we're very concerned parents. 00:01:53.599 --> 00:02:00.640 This is precious cargo new to us, and we wanted everybody to know you better watch out. 00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:07.599 And so he led us in an about 25 mile per hour clip for three miles. 00:02:08.719 --> 00:02:26.400 He led us and escorted us home, and it was because we were so worried about anything, any kind of danger befalling us on the way back, and we were extremely concerned about our ability once we got home and how we would what kind of parents would we be? 00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:32.560 And I mean, we've had dogs, but let's just be honest, dogs that's not really a hard thing. 00:02:32.639 --> 00:02:33.759 You can give a dog away. 00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:36.879 You could be like, that dog didn't work out, it's just a dog. 00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:39.840 We're gonna be that dog's going to the farm. 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:43.680 So talk to Urshada later. 00:02:45.039 --> 00:03:05.680 Well, we were so concerned, and it really is the year that I learned that you're not gonna just do whatever and get by with whatever, and nothing happens by default, it happens by design. 00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:15.039 And in order to become a good parent, you don't have to be a perfect parent, but you gotta be a purposeful parent. 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:19.759 So why don't you turn to your neighbor and say, we're about to get on some purpose. 00:03:22.159 --> 00:03:26.240 And the one you've been ignoring, just say, like, whose house? 00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:28.800 His house. 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:30.960 His house. 00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:34.960 Alright. 00:03:35.280 --> 00:03:38.159 So over the next few weeks, I'm gonna kick off a series today. 00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:54.560 Next week we have student takeover as we bless our kids and pray for and anoint our kids to go back to school for this year, and all of our teachers and faculty, administrators, homeschool parents will be praying for and anointing every child. 00:03:54.639 --> 00:04:04.159 And downstairs, uh, all the first through fifth graders will be with us, and then downstairs we'll go and pray for those kids as well, the little ones that'll be in daycare and preschool. 00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:05.919 And uh it's gonna be a great day. 00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:24.240 Our students are leading worship, children are in the choir, students will be speaking, so it's gonna be a great day, and um, and then the next Sunday after that is Small Group Sunday as we launch another season of small groups, because relationship leads to discipleship, and that's where we find freedom. 00:04:24.480 --> 00:04:38.160 We go to God for salvation, we go to another one another for healing, and so but I want to spend the next few weeks starting today and then into September talking about parenting on purpose. 00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:40.160 Disclaimer. 00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:49.120 If you don't have kids in your house, or if you don't have, uh if you've graduated all those kids out of your house, your empty nesters, or you're single. 00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:51.680 Let me just tell you, this sermon is not only for parents. 00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:54.000 You're gonna get some good principles out of this. 00:04:54.079 --> 00:05:00.480 So this is really a for everyone, but it's gonna help parents tremendously for this school year and beyond. 00:05:00.879 --> 00:05:01.920 I read this quote. 00:05:02.000 --> 00:05:11.759 It says, Your children are the greatest gift God will give to you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility that He will place in your hands. 00:05:12.560 --> 00:05:15.519 Parenting, this is another quote. 00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:22.560 Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do. 00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:40.240 I get a amen from parents because parenthood is messy, it's challenging, it's crazy, it's sleepless, it's giving and taxing, but it's beautifully unbelievable. 00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:46.800 And we like to say parenthood, there ain't no hood like parenthood. 00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:56.319 You ever consider that the start of parenthood is labor? 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:00.879 Because it's gonna be work. 00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:02.959 And you know what? 00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:03.680 It didn't matter. 00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:08.319 25 miles an hour, flashers flashing, escort driving us. 00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:15.920 It that was not enough to ease the burden of what the next, well, now 27 years have produced. 00:06:17.759 --> 00:06:28.319 So I'm gonna let you know family life is beautiful, messy, complicated, fulfilling, adventurous, and I think maybe for a lot of us sometimes very exhausting. 00:06:28.399 --> 00:06:32.800 And that's why I want to spend some time talking about parenting. 00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:37.360 This series is not to help you be perfect, but to be purposeful. 00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:40.480 It's to help you stay in the game and build on purpose. 00:06:40.639 --> 00:06:52.000 And my favorite verse for our boys growing up is found in Psalms, and it just says that our boys will flourish in their youth. 00:06:52.480 --> 00:07:02.079 And, you know, we we would speak that over them consistently, and and I'm gonna let you know before there was ever a church, there was a family. 00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:08.160 God's first institution was not a church, it was a family. 00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:14.639 And church, I'm gonna let you know if we can continue to build healthy families, our community will be healthy. 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:29.680 Our high schools will be healthy, our middle schools will be healthy, our elementary schools will be healthy, our neighborhoods will be healthy because really the family is God's design for placing his kingdom in this community. 00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:31.519 It just is not only the church. 00:07:37.040 --> 00:07:45.920 So it's important for us to just remember like, hey, we we are the beginning before the church family. 00:07:46.879 --> 00:07:55.040 And let me just say, I've said it already, but whether you have kids or not, all of these principles will transfer over. 00:07:55.120 --> 00:07:57.920 I was reading and studying, and this has been on my heart. 00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:04.560 Remember, we started the beginning of the year with uh I declare series, the marriage and relationship series. 00:08:04.720 --> 00:08:05.439 Remember that? 00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:29.040 Remember, like still holding on to those declarations, and then we spent time in this whole year of divine relationships, and here we are heading back to school, and I feel like we've worked on the design of marriage, we've worked on the design of our own lives to build ourselves. 00:08:29.199 --> 00:08:37.919 We've been building all summer long, growing all summer long, and now I feel like the relationship we we need to lean into is our families and our homes. 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:52.720 The Center for the Developing Child at Harvard University did a study, and they found a common denominator in every single life. 00:08:52.960 --> 00:09:02.480 Every single kid, every young adult, every adult who would be measured to have achieved some measure of success. 00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:11.759 And that was varying successes, but they would to be successful, they would say they were uh a blessing to the community. 00:09:11.919 --> 00:09:15.360 They were, they, they brought positive influence to the people around them. 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:30.240 And so every single person, a common denominator of every single life, is that for those children that they studied was that of one real relationship with an adult who would pour their lives into them. 00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:34.399 It only took one real relationship. 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:39.919 Now, over 40% of our kids today are being raised without a dad. 00:09:40.159 --> 00:09:44.720 But I want to let you know, according to that study, moms, it takes one real relationship. 00:09:46.960 --> 00:09:47.840 It takes one. 00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:51.919 Dads, single dads, it takes one. 00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:56.639 Young adults, you can have that kind of impact on a young person. 00:09:58.559 --> 00:10:05.440 Older, seasoned individuals, families, you can have impact on that next generation. 00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:14.240 And so I just want to really just lean in and and share with you my heart about home life and family life and parenting on purpose. 00:10:14.399 --> 00:10:22.240 And over the course of weeks, we'll share some principles that we've used and stood on, and I think they've been pretty good. 00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:24.799 And so, um, but I'm ready. 00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:25.440 You ready? 00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:27.440 We have a few minutes. 00:10:27.519 --> 00:10:33.039 I'm not gonna get through this today, but I I'm gonna get through as much as I can, and then we'll come back and build on it in September. 00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:34.080 So here we go. 00:10:34.399 --> 00:10:35.919 Judges 2.10. 00:10:36.799 --> 00:10:42.000 It shares a pretty dynamic warning for all of us. 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:46.799 It says this after that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors. 00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:50.799 That whole generation would be Joshua's generation. 00:10:51.200 --> 00:10:56.320 Joshua who followed Moses and then led the children into the promised land. 00:10:56.559 --> 00:11:05.919 That whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who not who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. 00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:15.679 Church, I'm gonna let you know we are one generation away from a generation growing up to not know the Lord or to know what the Lord has done. 00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:29.679 And I would propose to you today, parents and families and for young adults, that it is not the sole responsibility of the church to be the primary source of spiritual formation in our lives. 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:38.480 We should be an addition to, uh a principal addition to what is happening in our spiritual lives. 00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:42.559 But the church is not the primary source, it really begins at home. 00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:46.399 It begins in the home. 00:11:47.279 --> 00:11:54.799 You don't just stumble into becoming and being a Christian home by default. 00:11:55.039 --> 00:12:02.080 You become a Christian home by design, on purpose, and with purpose. 00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:18.639 The foundations of being a purpose-driven parent or parenting on purpose, Deuteronomy chapter 6, verse 4 says this listen, O Israel, the Lord is our God and the Lord alone. 00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:25.679 You would hear more traditional text would say, Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord. 00:12:26.240 --> 00:12:33.440 And you must love the Lord God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 00:12:34.080 --> 00:12:40.480 And in this passage of Scripture, we find the dynamic of parenting on purpose. 00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:49.759 Watch this, verse 6 says this, and you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 00:12:50.080 --> 00:12:53.759 Repeat them again and again to your children. 00:12:53.919 --> 00:12:55.120 What does it say? 00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:57.440 Repeat them on Sunday. 00:12:57.919 --> 00:13:00.639 Repeat them again and again to your children. 00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:08.879 Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road and when you're going to bed and when you're getting up. 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:17.759 So the framework for being a parent on purpose is found right there. 00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:25.679 Spiritual formation doesn't happen one time on Sunday, and we expect everybody to grow up to be mature followers of Jesus. 00:13:26.559 --> 00:13:42.480 It happens when we repeat God's commands and God's ordinances and God's principles and God's promises again and again when we talk about them when we're at home or when we're on the road, going to bed and when we're getting up. 00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:50.960 I love this quote by Mark and Jan Foreman, who are the parents of the lead uh band member. 00:13:51.039 --> 00:13:53.200 Uh, his name's Tim Foreman. 00:13:53.440 --> 00:13:57.600 Um, John and Tim, they're the lead members of the band Switchfoot. 00:13:57.679 --> 00:14:07.039 They said this it is on-the-job training using show and tell of everyday moments to transmit spiritual life. 00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:16.639 How you raise a passionate follower of Jesus is on the job training. 00:14:16.960 --> 00:14:20.080 You're not gonna be perfect, but you need to be purposeful. 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:24.960 You need to be present and you need to be prayer-filled. 00:14:25.600 --> 00:14:29.840 And that's how we're gonna raise up a generation who loves Jesus. 00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:33.679 Ephesians 2.10 says this for we are God's masterpiece. 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:38.159 He's created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. 00:14:38.320 --> 00:14:49.200 That word masterpiece, uh, poemo is the Greek word, and it's uh poetic uh creativity, it's uniqueness, it's design. 00:14:49.360 --> 00:14:52.720 It's that God's created us as a masterpiece. 00:14:52.960 --> 00:15:00.559 And listen, I don't know about you, but you can tell the difference between a real piece of work, an art of masterpiece, and then not. 00:15:01.039 --> 00:15:09.759 You put uh uh the monet uh up against uh what I can draw, it's evident. 00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:15.679 And I want you to know you are a masterpiece in God's eyes. 00:15:16.159 --> 00:15:30.320 God did not make a mistake when he put you on this earth, he did not make a mistake when he put you on this earth, he did not make a mistake where he put you on this earth, and he did not make a mistake why he put you on this earth. 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:32.720 You are a masterpiece. 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:39.919 So we have this winning strategy, and and I want to just spend some time. 00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:52.000 This is what uh 1 Corinthians 12 and 6 says, this it just a very short passage in that whole phrase says this that God works in different ways for different people. 00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:55.679 Meaning, he talks to you different than he talks to me. 00:15:57.200 --> 00:16:03.679 And if you're a parent and you have more than one child, you'll know you have to talk to your kids differently. 00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:08.879 How I communicate with one of the boys is not how I can communicate with all of the boys. 00:16:09.200 --> 00:16:13.200 How I can challenge one of the boys is not how I can challenge all of the boys. 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:19.360 And I would tell you that there are certain moments where I'm like, listen, um, this is gonna come across harsh. 00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:20.879 I don't mean to be mean. 00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:24.480 If you want to be nurtured, you're gonna go listen to mom for a second. 00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:37.919 Mom's like, dust off the scrap, scraped knee, put a little kiss on it, put a little band-aid on it, and you're gonna be okay and get a popsicle. 00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:41.519 Dad's like, shake it off, you're gonna be fine. 00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:44.159 That happens. 00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:45.919 We all fall down. 00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:48.240 We all fall down, but we gotta get back up. 00:16:49.440 --> 00:16:53.120 So God speaks to us differently, treats us differently. 00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:59.919 And I'm gonna give you today two basic foundational principles that will help you parent on purpose. 00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:08.240 And um, if you have these two first, it will help you tremendously in moving forward, and then we'll pick up some of the things coming up in the weeks to come. 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:18.000 Number one, as a parent, number one, your your responsibility is to help your kids accept their God-given uniqueness. 00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:24.799 Help your kids accept their God-given uniqueness. 00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:27.759 This is what you need to teach your kids. 00:17:28.640 --> 00:17:30.160 You need to say this to your children. 00:17:30.319 --> 00:17:33.759 You are born an original, do not dye a copy. 00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:46.319 Um, there's a lot of people that look at our family photos and say, well, the boys look a lot like you. 00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:48.480 They look a lot like Urshana. 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:54.000 And they're they're, I mean, they look like us because they come from us. 00:17:54.319 --> 00:17:59.200 But our intent is not them to not to raise them to be us. 00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:07.440 God's put a unique call and a unique design on each of them. 00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:17.759 And it is not my responsibility to shape their call to match my calling, it is my responsibility to shape their calling towards what God has called them to do. 00:18:19.839 --> 00:18:27.920 And so it is this idea then that God, I'm not, you don't have to be like me, talk like me, walk like me. 00:18:28.079 --> 00:18:33.119 Now, there are some characteristics that just because of DNA it works. 00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:36.960 But the reality is they will preach different than I preach. 00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:43.519 They definitely sing different than I sing, they definitely respond in situations differently than I responded. 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:50.000 And they're definitely standing on my shoulders with the capacity to do exceeding and abundantly more than I've ever done. 00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:50.319 Why? 00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:58.240 Because that's the way God blesses generations, but He's not gonna bless it if I try to make it fit the mold I think is necessary. 00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:04.079 And parents, you need to help your kids accept their God-given uniqueness. 00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:07.200 Now, let me just tell you what that does not mean. 00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:15.039 It does not mean for those of you who have children in foundational years, formational years, that you let them figure out their own uniqueness. 00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:21.200 You and listen, if you don't help them figure it out, somebody will. 00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:32.720 We used to pray this prayer over our boys. 00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:34.720 I'm not gonna get done at all. 00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:37.440 Jesus. 00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:40.559 We used to pray this over our boys. 00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:48.240 Lord, make them a prince to nations, a ruler to worlds, an ambassador to kingdoms, and a leader of millions. 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:53.599 And then we'd close the prayer and make them wonderfully well blessed and highly favored of the Lord. 00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:54.559 Amen. 00:19:58.240 --> 00:19:59.359 Ethan started that. 00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:00.880 That's probably a shock to you. 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:11.279 But I'm telling you, like we we we pray this over them because we wanted them to know God was shaping them, God had purposed them. 00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:20.799 They would have a God-given uniqueness that would help them be a prince to nations, a ruler to worlds, a ambassador to kingdoms, and leader of millions. 00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:28.319 Listen, even the most introverted person will influence at least 10,000 people in their lifetime. 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:29.680 And we're like, you know what? 00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:34.400 If that's if that's the introvert, listen, we're gonna raise you to impact millions. 00:20:35.839 --> 00:20:42.079 And by the way, that's not that's not like a haughty or uncharacteristic design that God has. 00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:54.480 Like, listen, if you can impact six and teach them how to impact six, you can win the world in just a few degrees of influence. 00:20:56.480 --> 00:21:00.960 And so that's how we help our kids understand their God-given uniqueness. 00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:04.000 Now, there's two enemies to that, and this is where I'm gonna stop today. 00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:08.160 Two enemies to helping kids discover their God-given uniqueness. 00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:14.640 Number one is comparison, and number two is conforming. 00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:20.960 Comparing and conforming are the greatest enemies to God-given uniqueness. 00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:33.279 You see, comparing is the pressure to compare to everyone everywhere, and it's never been more uh accessible to compare with one another than social media. 00:21:34.240 --> 00:21:40.640 And I mean, honestly, if your child is under 16 years old, they don't need social media in their life. 00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:49.200 You might want them to have a phone, but you should get them a flip phone. 00:21:52.319 --> 00:21:59.759 I would tell you, and I'll preach about this in a few weeks, but I will tell you, every obstacle we have faced with our children has been becoming. 00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:12.000 Without accountability. 00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:29.359 And I'm gonna let you know that we we have to we have to limit we have to lean in and help our kids learn not to compare with one another. 00:22:29.599 --> 00:22:31.839 And here's what happens when we compare with one another. 00:22:32.240 --> 00:22:34.000 Only two things happen when you compare. 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:44.799 Number one, you become discouraged because there's always somebody better looking, better resource, better opportunity, better outcomes. 00:22:44.960 --> 00:22:46.079 There's always somebody. 00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:48.079 And it will discourage you. 00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:54.319 And then the other response is pride because you can always find the person like, oh, I got that person. 00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:56.000 Look at me, yeah. 00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:57.680 Oh, I got it better than that. 00:22:58.160 --> 00:22:59.519 I got it better than that person. 00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:01.039 I got it better than that person. 00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:06.960 So comparing yourself always leads either to discouragement or to pride. 00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:10.400 And that's not just for kids, that's for all of us. 00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:19.839 You see, comparison is the thief of joy, it diminishes our purpose. 00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:29.680 Comparison devalues what God has done for us, and it despises or idolizes what God has done for others. 00:23:33.119 --> 00:23:34.880 That's worth writing down. 00:23:35.279 --> 00:23:49.920 Because when you compare yourself to somebody else, you're ignoring what God has done for you, and you're putting on a pedestal what God has done for somebody else, not because God is good, but because I mean, did they even deserve it? 00:23:54.640 --> 00:23:55.519 That's comparing. 00:23:55.680 --> 00:23:58.640 The second enemy is conforming. 00:23:58.960 --> 00:24:05.200 Paul writes, we should not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds. 00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:18.880 And parents, you have the number one highest amount of access to help your child's mind be renewed on a daily basis. 00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:22.880 Comparison says, I wish I was like them. 00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:26.240 Conformity says I must become like them. 00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:30.000 Everybody wants to be like Mike. 00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:39.359 You remember our parents used to say, and I don't know that we say it very often anymore, but my parents used to say, well, if everybody jumped off the bridge, would you? 00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:48.799 The pressure to fit in. 00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:55.759 You see, you don't need to fit into everything God called you to stand out of. 00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:08.400 So don't raise children whose greatest ambition is acceptance. 00:25:12.559 --> 00:25:21.119 Raise children who know who they are, who know what they are, and to know where they are going. 00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:25.599 That's something we say to our kids. 00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:32.720 Every time they walk out of the house, hey, remember who you are. 00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:35.839 Remember what you are. 00:25:37.119 --> 00:25:39.119 Remember where you're going. 00:25:40.319 --> 00:25:43.039 Remember who you are, you're a child of God. 00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:48.720 Remember what you are, you're a colgrove, and that name means something. 00:25:49.519 --> 00:25:52.880 Remember where you're going, you're on your way to heaven someday. 00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:55.759 And it'll be sooner if you don't do what I say. 00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:09.759 Can I do the last one and then I won't have to, I can finish this today. 00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:10.799 The last one. 00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:15.680 So number one, parents, help them accept their God-given uniqueness. 00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:20.000 Now I'm gonna preach on that a little bit more in a couple of weeks. 00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:33.440 But the number two thing is to help your kid by learning to affirm their value constantly. 00:26:35.839 --> 00:26:39.839 Learn to affirm their value constantly. 00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:43.599 This this is where you start. 00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:49.599 Number one, they are valuable because God created them. 00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:53.519 Psalm 139 says, I knew you in your mother's womb. 00:26:53.599 --> 00:26:56.160 I formed you in my in your mother's body. 00:26:56.240 --> 00:26:59.279 I praised you because you made me an amazing and wonderful way. 00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:00.799 What you've done is wonderful. 00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:02.000 I know this very well. 00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:05.039 Fearfully and wonderfully made. 00:27:05.759 --> 00:27:11.200 You know what makes you so valuable, Evan, is that God made you. 00:27:12.880 --> 00:27:16.319 Jace, you know what makes you so valuable is God made you. 00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:22.720 He literally put his thumb of purpose and imprinted your life. 00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:24.880 And then he planned all the days out. 00:27:25.039 --> 00:27:27.920 It's not a surprise you're going to Grand Rapids to wrestle. 00:27:28.240 --> 00:27:31.599 He made that when he planted that in your life. 00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:35.519 He made the access to that to be able to come to pass. 00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:38.319 You're valuable because God created you. 00:27:39.279 --> 00:27:43.440 The second thing that brings you value is that Jesus died for you. 00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:48.079 While we were yet sinners, Julian read that today. 00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:52.319 The atonement for us, before we knew him, he died for us. 00:27:53.119 --> 00:27:55.839 Is there anyone that would love us like that? 00:27:56.160 --> 00:27:57.440 And he did it. 00:27:58.160 --> 00:27:59.519 Jesus did it. 00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:04.640 And so that brings incredible value to my life. 00:28:06.880 --> 00:28:14.480 So you tell him God created you, Jesus died for you, and then the Holy Spirit wants to live in you. 00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:20.480 Paul writes, Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit? 00:28:21.839 --> 00:28:25.200 That means you don't have to have church to have the Spirit. 00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:27.440 The Spirit lives in you. 00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:32.319 Meaning, where you go, you are the church. 00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:47.759 But you are the church because you're a part of the family and the Spirit lives in you as comforter, as God, as power, as discernment, as direction. 00:28:48.240 --> 00:28:50.160 The Holy Spirit in you. 00:28:51.359 --> 00:28:57.920 Why it's gonna feel uncomfortable in certain places because the Holy Spirit is gonna check you and tell you that's not good. 00:28:58.559 --> 00:29:01.680 The Holy Spirit's gonna check you and say, no, not there. 00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:04.880 The Holy Spirit's gonna check you and say, no, not them. 00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:09.519 That brings incredible value. 00:29:09.680 --> 00:29:19.920 You're so valuable because God, Almighty God, here, oh Israel, the Lord our God, as one Lord, made you, formed you, planned your life. 00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:24.720 And then Jesus died for you. 00:29:25.119 --> 00:29:28.799 So you wouldn't have to live in the pain and penalty of their sins. 00:29:29.359 --> 00:29:33.039 And you wouldn't have to live away from the God who made you. 00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:36.240 And then the Holy Spirit lives in you. 00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:46.799 What closer relationship could there be with our God, but that his spirit lives in us? 00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:50.720 That's how valuable you are. 00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:52.880 You're a masterpiece. 00:29:55.039 --> 00:29:58.000 So here's three things to help affirm. 00:29:58.160 --> 00:30:02.799 Number one, visible attention. 00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:05.839 Visual attention. 00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:13.920 Listen, parents, the best thing you can do is sit down and look at your child. 00:30:14.319 --> 00:30:16.559 Put away all the distractions. 00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:22.319 Put down, there's moments where I'm on my phone doing something, and it's probably not that important. 00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:29.440 And the kids walk in the room and they're adults now, so it's like, you know what, they might stay for two minutes, or they're probably just there for food. 00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:37.680 That's but I find myself going, like they get up and walk out, and I find myself like I never put my phone down. 00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:45.920 Like, parents, visual attention is a way to show value how valuable your children are to you. 00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:49.599 Stop what you're doing and just look them in the eye. 00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:51.440 Notice them. 00:30:51.599 --> 00:30:56.079 The Bible says that God knows the very numbers of hair on our head. 00:30:56.319 --> 00:31:00.000 That's the kind of attention God puts in our lives. 00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:03.759 That's how much He loves us, how valuable we are to Him. 00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:09.440 He looks at us enough to say, there's a I can count the hairs. 00:31:12.240 --> 00:31:15.440 Focus, put some visual attention on your kids. 00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:18.720 Look them in the eye when you have conversations. 00:31:19.200 --> 00:31:21.759 Teach them to look others in the eye. 00:31:22.559 --> 00:31:25.119 Second thing is physical affection. 00:31:27.279 --> 00:31:39.839 And I'm just gonna tell you, your kids, they need to know how much they're loved by physical contact in the home, appropriate physical contact. 00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:44.960 We're not a real touchy-feely family. 00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:53.359 But I don't know who started, but like as the boys have gotten older, they've just become more comfortable. 00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:56.160 Like, just come and give us a hug on their way out the door. 00:31:56.480 --> 00:31:58.000 Or hug when they come in. 00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:03.200 Elliot, I walked into the lobby this morning and Elliot walked straight over and just gave me a hug. 00:32:03.359 --> 00:32:06.400 I'm like, man, that that felt good. 00:32:08.720 --> 00:32:09.519 Physical. 00:32:11.119 --> 00:32:13.200 Pull your kids in close. 00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:16.240 Sit them on your lap. 00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:18.319 Have a conversation. 00:32:21.920 --> 00:32:24.319 Dads with your daughters. 00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:34.480 Let them know how loved and valuable they are. 00:32:36.640 --> 00:32:52.000 And teach them the guidelines so that one of those young guys doesn't pass a physical boundary because they had a deficit of physical attention in their home. 00:32:55.599 --> 00:33:01.599 And then the third thing is verbal affirmation and appreciation. 00:33:02.240 --> 00:33:04.480 And just say it over and over again. 00:33:07.920 --> 00:33:09.519 You did so good in that. 00:33:12.160 --> 00:33:14.319 Great job on the test. 00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:16.559 Good job. 00:33:17.039 --> 00:33:22.880 Occasionally someone will send me a note, and I have a pile of notes archived. 00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:29.599 When people share good things that our boys have done over the years. 00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:44.960 Because I was like, wow. 00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:48.000 He actually, he actually got he got it. 00:33:48.079 --> 00:33:49.359 He he figured it out. 00:33:49.440 --> 00:33:57.359 And in junior high, he was an impact and an influence and a great friend to people who didn't have many friends, and people noticed that. 00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:03.599 But I don't want the outside world to be the only thing that verbally appreciates my kids. 00:34:03.839 --> 00:34:06.960 They need to know how proud I am of them. 00:34:08.239 --> 00:34:10.639 Listen, we need to we need to be better. 00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:17.440 We live in a culture that's not great at verbal affirmation and appreciation. 00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:25.280 Where we have the capacity to speak life and to stop a room and say, you know what? 00:34:25.360 --> 00:34:27.840 Listen, I want to in birthday parties. 00:34:28.639 --> 00:34:32.320 Listen, let me just set this standard for your house in birthday parties. 00:34:32.559 --> 00:34:37.519 It shouldn't just be all about the presents and the gifts and the cake and the games. 00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:48.880 You should every single moment on a birthday gathering take time to have a time of verbal affirmation and appreciation for whoever's birthday it is, especially when it's your child. 00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:56.800 Tell them all the things they do well, tell them all the things they do wonderful, tell them all the ways they are meaningful and valuable in your life. 00:34:56.960 --> 00:34:58.800 Spend time saying it. 00:34:59.519 --> 00:35:01.360 It costs you nothing. 00:35:04.239 --> 00:35:05.760 Costs you nothing. 00:35:06.880 --> 00:35:18.719 But if they lie, if they have a deficit, I I often think of this bucket like a five-gallon or a ten-gallon bucket, and it has affirmation on there, and we carry this bucket around. 00:35:19.199 --> 00:35:24.320 Unfortunately, for so many people, that bucket never gets filled by the right people. 00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:33.199 And so it causes people to go around and just almost beg and plead, can somebody affirm what I'm doing? 00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:45.840 When I was studying youth ministry early on in my years, there was a youth minister out of Rockford, Illinois, and her greatest line that I wrote down and I've used over the years was whoever calls the most wins. 00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:49.360 Whoever calls the most wins. 00:35:50.079 --> 00:35:55.119 If the coach calls more than the youth leader, the coach is gonna win. 00:35:55.519 --> 00:36:00.559 If the drug dealer calls more than the coach and the youth leader, the drug dealer is gonna win. 00:36:00.719 --> 00:36:05.599 If the promiscuous girl calls more than all the others, the promiscuous girl is gonna win. 00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:11.599 If the uh the guy without any morals calls more than all the others, the guy with all the morals is gonna win. 00:36:11.679 --> 00:36:12.639 You know what I'm telling you? 00:36:12.719 --> 00:36:21.280 Is we have to be the ones that fill the buckets of our kids so they don't go craving appreciation and affirmation from somebody else. 00:36:31.280 --> 00:36:33.280 You don't have to be perfect. 00:36:33.920 --> 00:36:38.000 And I will tell you, Arshauna and I, we were not perfect parents. 00:36:39.199 --> 00:36:44.480 Ethan would tell you we parented him way different than we parented the twins. 00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:46.320 And you know what? 00:36:46.400 --> 00:36:47.840 There is some reality to that. 00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:50.719 Number one, because actually, you know what? 00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:56.880 For the rest of the kids, we never drove 25 with the flashers on from the hospital again. 00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:02.159 I don't even know if we buckled them in a seat. 00:37:04.079 --> 00:37:06.159 I just put them in the back, they'll be fine. 00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:09.280 I'm joking. 00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:17.039 But we learned so many things and we actually got better, I think. 00:37:18.079 --> 00:37:21.760 But I think we did a pretty good job with Ethan too. 00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:31.039 But what I say is this you don't, you'll never have to be perfect, but you better learn to be on purpose. 00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:42.239 Because what's gonna happen if you're not careful is you're gonna invest all this time in all of these places, in all of these opportunities. 00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:53.119 And if you don't get the one thing right, they're gonna grow up and you'll have conversations like, I don't even know who this kid is. 00:37:54.559 --> 00:38:03.199 And if you've invested all your time in the kids and not in your marriage, they're gonna grow up and you're gonna look at your spouse and go, I don't even know who you are. 00:38:03.519 --> 00:38:09.840 Like there's such a balance to it all, and all I'm saying is it has to all be done on purpose. 00:38:10.559 --> 00:38:14.239 With purpose, and really built it on God's purpose. 00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:15.920 Can you receive that word today?