A Little Too Honest

Turning 40! (w/Dennis)

• Bobby Jarel • Season 2 • Episode 2

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Join us as we talk about turn 40. 

@DenKirk @BobbyJarel

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SPEAKER_03

What's up, everyone? Welcome to A Little Too Honest. I am your host, Bobby Jarrell, and today I am joined with Mr. Dennis Hendry. What up, what up, what up, what up?

SPEAKER_00

What's going on with you?

SPEAKER_03

Thank you for joining me today. You doing alright? I'm doing good.

SPEAKER_00

This is a wonderful Sunday. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Can't beat it with a baseball bag. Yes. We're just gonna be a little honest today. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

Alright, so um uh this is my second recording of um A Little Too Honest. I took a little break last the other week. We did the episode with Conchetta about relationships, um, answering questions based off of the tonight's conversation uh card game that they have. Have you ever been to tonight's conversations before?

SPEAKER_00

Uh no, I haven't entertained any of that before.

SPEAKER_03

Do you know what it is? So uh I know the guy, his name is Ace Metaphor on social media. So he does they it's like a panel thing. They um it's only like five or six of them, and they travel and they do uh different, excuse me, they do different different cities, and uh they'll have like different topics, but then they also give the audience a chance to come up and ask questions about relationships and things like that. Like I remember there was one, one of the questions was a girl came up and she was like she cheated on her boyfriend with a guy in Miami or something like that, but then she found out that he had a girlfriend and she was upset about it. I think that's what it was. I'm like, how you gonna be upset? Oh you cheat on your boyfriend with somebody, and then you gotta be mad about the guy that you're cheating with, got a girlfriend.

SPEAKER_00

But some people are mad at with the tit for tat situation.

SPEAKER_03

Some people are lunatics.

SPEAKER_00

That's that's that's that's so you're calling her a lunatic, huh?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, absolutely. Like that's crazy. That's that's beyond crazy. All right, so um Making the authority to talk a lunatic. Hey, whatever. That's it's something, whatever you want to call it. I don't know. Uh so we we've done we've we tried to do the um what was the name of the show that we tried to do?

SPEAKER_00

Uh the um movie and night movie and wine or movie and drink.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so you cocktail in a movie? Yes, yeah, yeah. Movie in a cocktail. Yeah. We were gonna get there. We was gonna get there. One way or the other. So that show didn't that that show didn't really work out unless we thought it would. Um, it was more, you know, us like it was I I enjoy this, so I was you know, bringing you on, trying to get you out of your comfort zone.

SPEAKER_00

He's uh he's our bad boss, a bad boss. Why are you gonna put that out there? Very demanding. Hey. Hard work, man. Hey, what you know, we all we all have hard to do.

SPEAKER_03

Is that why we didn't finish the show? Because I was a bad boss.

SPEAKER_00

No, I mean you did have an authoritative type persona.

SPEAKER_03

So I think a lot of times, like for me, I I take joy and pleasure in the stuff that I do.

SPEAKER_00

So it's but you didn't like some of my movies choices, neither. It had nothing to do with your movie choices.

SPEAKER_03

I would watch them, I would watch them. Of course, you're gonna give me a Tyler Perry movie, it's gonna be a bad critique. Like, I can't help that. That was your choice. That was your choice. But I think like doing stuff like this, I enjoy it. So it's um, yeah, I take it seriously. I don't want to just be a thing of we just like messing around just to mess around, type thing. Like, I want to make it something that it could be come later, but also being able to have that good conversation with you, uh, or just people in general. So, like with a little too honest, I I started this as an opportunity to have those one-on-one conversations with people or like a group conversation with people so that we can build connections and get to know more about people and hopefully educate and teach somebody in the process. You know what I mean? Um, so with us doing moving a cocktail and doing, we also got, you know, showing shout-out to not shout out, but I'm plugging myself, I guess. There's also the uh three shots, you're out. Watch that on YouTube. Like I'm trying to make this residual income. I'm not charging y'all to listen to this.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not trying to try to put the dots to the way they're supposed to be so they can make that for online.

SPEAKER_03

I'm not trying, I'm not charging people, I'm just doing the content because I enjoy it, but if you watch the content, man, that helps. Like, like, share, comment, do all those things. Like, it's free to watch it, but you watch it, I get money from it.

SPEAKER_00

And it is beneficial too, as well.

SPEAKER_03

So I know when we did the movie The Cocktail, like that was you kind of getting out of your trying to get out of your comfort zone.

SPEAKER_00

Because this was this is totally different for me to just sit around and have a conversation recorded. And me, you know, this can also kind of get in your head too, as well. If you're a person that's like, oh well, I want to be a certain persona when I put myself out there in the community and not just around your peoples that you kind of get to know and also know.

SPEAKER_03

But I think the good thing for me is like learning to get out of your head and say, you know what, F it. Like, I don't care what people think about me. I don't care. I'm like, I'm gonna do me, I'm gonna have fun, uh, enjoy the process. And when people don't like it, they don't like it.

SPEAKER_00

Well, you say that this this kind of leads into what we're about to discuss today. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03

I'm a good host. Like, let me let me cook. Let me cook. Cook it up, cook it up, cook it up, sir. We're getting it. I'm about to introduce a title, which is like, come on, you want to help? Cook it up. I mean, uh but like you said, like we lean towards that. But um, like I said, like I think it's one of those things where we're so con we're so concerned about what other people are thinking. But if you look at the people that have that carefree mindset, we can sit here and judge them all day long. Right. We ain't got to like everything that they do, we ain't gonna like none of the stuff that they do, but it doesn't impact them. There are people out there that are supporting them that are gonna show up for them because everybody gonna enjoy it.

SPEAKER_00

It's gonna be somebody behind you, right?

SPEAKER_03

And I think that's the thing I love about um just art in general. Like it's one of those things where it's subjective. So everything that movies that you like, I'm not gonna like songs that you like, artists that you like, I'm not gonna like. It's just like the movie we watched last night. Oh, that uh you you hated it.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know if y'all, for those of you watching, uh it was funny, but yet, okay, it's a lot going on in these scenes.

SPEAKER_03

It was a lot.

SPEAKER_00

The movie was And then it was Regina and Mo uh Moet was throwing me off about her.

SPEAKER_03

So I loved it. Like the movie was called Um Breaking News from Yubba County, and Regina Hall was in it.

SPEAKER_00

Allison and he laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

SPEAKER_03

And ooh, this this is a good move, man. This is a good movie. I like that. I like the sarcasm. I like the like it's one of those things, it's like it's meant to be a comedy, but they're playing at playing it as serious. So it's like that that challenge as an actor that challenges your acting chops. Because it's like you have to you know what you're doing is silly as hell, but you got to play this like it's serious, and you gotta make it believable too.

SPEAKER_00

100%.

SPEAKER_03

That's what I loved about it.

unknown

That's what I loved about it.

SPEAKER_03

But anyway, so okay, like you said, what we were talking about going into the conversation of the topic for today's discussion is life once you turn 40. Oh the right-o. The four oh. So kind of like what we just what we just discussed, a lot of those things that you have to be very self-aware. I feel like we're self-aware of at a young age and we're kind of like in our heads so much about stuff. Yeah. But I feel once you get to a certain age, you just gotta be like F. Fuck it. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know. Please crash that. Um, so it's like when you get to that certain age and you learn to just have a carefree mindset. I feel like the world is like now, you can enjoy the world fully. You can embrace it more? I feel so. I feel like it. So yes, you can. Yeah, so let me say it. Okay, let's pose the question for you. I made 40 in June, June 28th. You made 40 last year, you'll be making 41 in 19 years. I mean, tell tell my age, yeah, I guess. The show is about 40. Like, you wouldn't be on here if you wasn't 40. You wouldn't be on here if you wasn't 40. So when do you feel you've reached that effort stage of life?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes. I have, but I will probably give myself, if I had to put it in like a percentage-wise, I'm 90%, you know, just don't care, and then 10% of still worrying about the I's and the, I guess the I's and the T's. And what I mean by the I's and the T's is um I want to present this next stage of of my life, I would say, as more professional person. Um, previously, before it was always about okay, well, when I want people around me, I want them to smile and I want them to like joke and have a good time. So I was kind of being trying to be so comic comic more and be kind of like a jokester type persona. And I think now it's to the point where I don't care what you think, however, for me, I want to be more professional and I want to lean more into sounding like a professional at times. Whereas sometimes I can just be overall in awkward situations, I can be basically an awkward person.

SPEAKER_03

So do you feel like you you're an awkward person even in your work environment?

SPEAKER_00

No, not in my work environment, but just personal wise.

SPEAKER_03

So why do you want to be professional in your personal life?

SPEAKER_00

And it's well, because sometimes people can take my jokester or my kind of like okay, brushing it off as like I don't care about things, or I don't care about certain people's feelings and stuff like that. And it's be and it's not because I don't care about your feelings, it's just maybe that's an awkward feeling that I'm not feeling at the time.

SPEAKER_03

Alright, so for the listeners, um for those of you who may not know more about me, I'm also a certified professional life coach. He goes with his life coach life coaching session. Are you charging me? If you're a guest on the show today, I will give you a discount.

SPEAKER_00

That's a running joke.

SPEAKER_03

I'll give you a 20% discount for service, okay, for today. So let me ask you this. From what I'm hearing, I don't think that the right word is professional.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

It sounds more like you want to be confident in I mean, I'm confident in who I am. But why do you feel why do you feel you need to be that jokester at times? Why do you feel that shows up in those options?

SPEAKER_00

Because those are feelings that maybe I don't want to feel at the present moment, or if I don't want to be that vulnerable in that time. So it's like, okay, let's kind of brush it off with a little, okay.

SPEAKER_03

So going off of what you just said, it seems like like how we started the conversation saying being able to show up and not care about what people say or what people think, right? So in that moment when you're feeling awkward and you don't want you don't want to show that vulnerable side, why are you so worried about what people gonna think or how they're gonna perceive you in that moment?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I grew up not having not being too vulnerable in sense of things can can come off as weak. And so weak to who? Weak to that individual that I'm talking to. Yes. Or um or it could be also a mental a mind thing, I would say, not a mental, but a mind thing of me going into a box like saying, okay, well, if I if I cry at this present moment, I'm just gonna be known as just a weak person. Or a person, yeah, to that person. And I said I and that's why I say I'm 10% of that I still want to make sure that I have a good faith, I would say.

SPEAKER_03

And even now you still feel that way, but you realize that it's about what that other person is thinking, or the other person is feeling towards you, right? Yeah, true. Have you ever put yourself in a situation and say, you know what, I'm just gonna be me 100%, and I don't care what nobody thinks in this room, in this space. Have you ever done that?

SPEAKER_00

Um I'm more of that person at work, and I'm more of that person if I'm more of that individual where if it's the environment where I don't know nobody.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, so let me let me just let me let me let me condense my question a little bit with people that you know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, with people I know. Sometimes I I get into a space where it's like, okay, well, they don't need to see that.

SPEAKER_03

So my my challenge to you is give yourself an opportunity just just once just to see how you feel in a space with people that you know and just be who you are.

SPEAKER_00

I still have this. I still have this mentality I must say about me was where if when it comes down to individual that I know, if you do know the things that that kind of mess with me, mess with me, mess with my mentor, I would say. Okay, then I also feel like okay, that person can take advantage of that moment. And then that's a hurtful feeling to me to to be uh taking advantage at that time.

SPEAKER_03

But and you know, if y'all listen in the comments, please, I mean not in the comments, but if y'all listen to this, hopefully y'all are taking something that like comment, like what are y'all thinking throughout this conversation? Because I would love to read it.

SPEAKER_00

But am I am I alone in this situation? I don't think I'm alone.

SPEAKER_03

I think it's people like me. I don't think that you're alone, but it seems like a lot of what you're saying is based off of other people, and you're making your choices and the things that can make you happy based off of what other people are gonna think about you. Yes, people can do things to manipulate you, not manipulate me, you take advantage of you to hurt your feelings and all of that, but some of it is like if you let them type thing. So it's uh I wish the confidence that I have in myself now, I wish I had that when I was younger, right? For me, I would say I got I got to my effort stage in life around 28. That's when I started that phase where it was just like I don't have time.

SPEAKER_00

So what was I hate to cut you off, but what was that stage for you at 28? What was that turning point?

SPEAKER_03

What was the turning point? I think it was me realizing that I could do more of the things that I wanted to do in life than what I gave myself credit for. Okay. And a lot of it was like doing like the acting, doing um the writing, and doing stuff like that that would you know, doing the podcast, stuff like this. It was one of those where I was so worried about what other people would think about me doing some of the things that I wanted to do, or like how they would perceive me, how they would see me if I'm on stage, like, oh, oh, he's fat, why he on stage type thing, which I'm sexy now. Oh, I was sexy back then too, I just didn't know it, right? Um but once I got to the point where I was like, I can get up here and I can do this and be happy with who I am and not worry about what other people think, it was like, okay, this is a freeing feeling. So I'll say this the first time as a homosexual man, uh depending on what day of the week is, some days I'm homosexual, some days I'm not. Um I did a stage play, and in that stage play, I had to be this flamboyant character. And I remember I was like, initially, I was like, I don't know how I feel about playing this character. But then I said, you know what? It's a character, you know, it ain't it doesn't define me. If anybody looks at me and they judge me based off of this character, that says more about them versus what it says about me. And so I remember I went on stage, um, you know, Showtime went on stage. As soon as I walked out, the audience just bust out laughing. And it wasn't, it wasn't a thing of them laughing at me. It was like, oh, we're about to have a show.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And then like there's this character that I'm laughing at this character because I know what this character is about to be, right? And so as an actor, I had to let go of everything that Bobby and everything that Jarrell thought of himself and not wanting to be perceived this way, not wanting to be seen as this overly feminine guy. Because you know, I got picked on as a kid for being quote unquote feminine, you know? Yeah. And so in that moment, it allowed me to show up and entertain the audience, which is something that I love to do. But it also gave me a confidence to say, like, why am I worried about what people think about me? And so, like, as a human being, we have like so many different facets of who we are as people, and everybody's not gonna love every piece of us, but when you do find those people that love you through the thick and through the thin, through the good and the bad, those are the people that you worry about. So we've already we've had like plenty of conversations about like my supporters and things like that, and my family is like some of my biggest supporters, and so I've done with the stage plays I've done, with the web series, with the skits and the videos. So my family supports me 100%. When I started doing the Lavaca videos, people love the videos. When I started doing the Orange videos with the mom, people love the videos. My sister was like, Oh, I got some extra wigs. I got you they in the bag.

SPEAKER_00

So it was a your community came together, yes.

SPEAKER_03

And I think once, and that was because I got out of my head also, because if I if I didn't get out of my head, I wouldn't have seen the people that did support me. In the beginning, yeah, I had people that would make little nasty comments and stuff, strangers, but the people that supported me supported me, and that would became my driving force. And so what I like saying, like with you, is one of those where you can't let one or two people dictate who you are. You say you're not a sociable person, but anybody I've seen you around will say the complete opposite that you are a sociable person.

SPEAKER_00

I you get sociable and just having conversations or trying to get rid of dead air as just being social with me. That's not it. Now, when now certain people I do gravitate, like if you give me good group good energy, like um you recently invited me to your friend's birthday, right? And me and me and LA, our conversation because we share living in Atlanta together, that's why I'm able to gravitate to her more or kind of re feed off of her because we share a light thing together, right?

SPEAKER_03

And that's but that's the that Dennis, that is that's what being sociable is. So it's like you're able to connect with people, even in those moments where you're just trying to kill dead air, you are a likable person. So I do believe I'm a likable person now, and so that creates that sociability for people. So even like you say, okay, y'all connected on Atlanta, right? So it's like with another person, you'd be like, Oh, I like to go to this certain restaurant, and then that sparks the conversation. Like, oh, this one, I like your shoes. Where you got your shoes from? That sparks the conversation. Oh, I like your shirt, and it's like you're that type of person, like, yeah, you're killing dead air, but you're finding ways to connect with people to make people feel comfortable.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and so like it's all about being comfortable, though.

SPEAKER_03

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but it's like in your mind, you don't feel that that's what you're doing, and that's well, that's where I knock it down to just 10% of how I feel with people that I love and care about and value their opinion on. Listen, you just mentioned LA.

SPEAKER_03

We ain't gonna mention nobody else's name because I don't want nobody to be listening to some name like that.

SPEAKER_00

Well, LA could have been a person from LA.

SPEAKER_03

Sure. Okay, um so like you mentioned that person. Uh-huh. The first time you met them, you act like this was somebody you had known your whole life. Well, that's the South in me from Georgia. All right, if y'all are listening, if y'all are listening right now, please. If do y'all feel Georgia is the true south? Come on now. Do y'all feel Georgia is the stuff? Come on now. Because some people feel Louisiana is the true South. Yes, Louisiana is true south. I feel like Georgia is southeast. Like, got you.

SPEAKER_00

What was the 13? What was the 13th state? Let's say let's focus. Let's focus.

SPEAKER_03

Let's focus. Okay, y'all press in the comments. Stay focused, right? Because you out there. Um, but no, it's like, I don't know why you don't give yourself credit for that. I I believe I do. You don't. You literally just said that you're not a socialist.

SPEAKER_00

I believe I uh yeah. Or you are a social person. No, I'm not a sociable person. But any do I make people feel comfortable? Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_03

Because you are a social person.

SPEAKER_00

Why can't I just make people feel comfortable?

SPEAKER_03

Why is it so bad for you to say that you're a social person in that moment?

SPEAKER_00

Social sociable person could mean like you just uh you're a person who gravitate around the room to everybody.

SPEAKER_03

No, it doesn't. Yes, it doesn't. No, yes, it could.

SPEAKER_00

Uh look at you. You know, you're about to investigate. I'm not gonna investigate them. I'm gonna see if there's a definition. Yeah. So to me, or to me, sociable person means okay, that person is going to walk in the room. Yes, we all greet the room. Now it's appropriate to greet the room if you're if you come from a certain standard in life. But once you greet the room, that person is going to go to each and every one of the people and have a conversation or try to understand that person, I would say.

SPEAKER_03

It doesn't mean that you're talking to every person. They enjoy talking, the company of other people, and many times uh physical closeness as well. Social people not only enjoy people, but they tend to like to be helpful as well and are also thought of as helpers. So it's not saying that you're talking to everybody, but when you do talk to people, you're able to build that connection. You build connections like quick with people.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, who do I talk to on a regular though?

SPEAKER_03

It's not about talking to them on a regular. If you can go out into a space and automatically like build a connection with somebody, and if you can sit there for an hour and talk to that person, to me, that's being a social person or a sociable person.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

But it's like you don't want to give yourself that credit. It's like it is now that you you're 40. This is something that could be a great asset to you and who you are as a person and things that you want to be. Especially like we earlier we talked about you wanting to go into um what's the word?

SPEAKER_00

Consulting.

SPEAKER_03

Consulting.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

So you have to be a social person or social person, social person. I'm gonna say social from now on.

SPEAKER_00

You have to be able to communicate with a variety variety of people. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

You can do that. Yeah, it doesn't mean that you're going into the room and talking to everybody in that room, but it just means that you're able to do that.

SPEAKER_00

Can I just not so as listeners, can a person just not be calling self sociable, but just want everyone to enjoy their communication? Can they?

SPEAKER_03

You asking me or you asking the listeners.

SPEAKER_00

I'm asking the listeners to comment on that.

SPEAKER_03

Y'all are listening, leave a comment.

SPEAKER_00

Because that's how I feel. I just I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna label myself as a sociable person.

SPEAKER_03

What's is is that negative? It's nothing bad about it. Like, why is it why don't you want to label yourself?

SPEAKER_00

Well, at one point in time it was. At one point in time in, I guess, my life it was a sociable person was kind of like, okay, a person that just goes around talking to everybody, that can cause you know drama within a group. Because if a person Are you talking about dating and sleeping with people? No, not sleeping with people, but just like rumors, because that's how rumors start. One person tells one thing and one person tells another.

SPEAKER_03

But see, that I've I look at that as like something completely different because that's saying that's like a negative person. That has nothing to do with being a social person, that's just a negative individual. They could be social and they could be a negative social person. So that just because you're a social person, it doesn't mean that it's a negative thing. It means that you can connect with people, you can go into a room and people are like, oh, Dennis is here. There are people like we went out the other week for old girl birthday, right? Uh-huh. Uh the friend that came that you met the week before, or the day before or a week before. Uh there was, oh my god, Dennis is coming. I can't wait to, I can't wait to see Dennis. And then you only met that person once. Oh, oh. When LA showed up at dinner, oh my god, Flynn! You haven't seen her in over a year. Yeah, it's been that long. So you do you understand the impact that you had on these people just off of one meeting?

SPEAKER_00

Give me my flowers. But I'm I I appreciate I do value that and appreciate that. And I guess I guess I don't hold myself that high or that, or I've given myself that credit. Exactly. And I'm okay with that. But you're okay with that. But you're 40 now, right?

SPEAKER_03

And so before we started recording, you also made a comment about not downplaying your achievements and accomplishments and stuff like that. That is an accomplishment. That is something that you're welcome, and I'm gonna bill you for these services.

SPEAKER_00

Take it out, my chick. For those of you watching this, uh Take It Out My Chick.

SPEAKER_03

Those of you watching uh behavioral, uh, what's the name of my company? Behavioral BCS. Behavioral consulting solutions? I don't know. Just look me up somewhere.

SPEAKER_00

You talk about from your forum?

SPEAKER_03

Well, from my life coaching. Yeah. Um behavioral coaching solutions. That's what it is. Behavioral coaching solutions. Um, but you have to, you gotta pour into yourself. Like right now, at 40 years old, do you feel that you've accomplished things that you are proud of?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, very much so. Do you feel like you're very much so? I am thankful to be to be a person coming from Savannah, Georgia, and was able, even though it could be small to me, but coming from Savannah, Georgia, and not just coming from my family. My family are there are good people in my family and successful individuals, and as well as people who moved out of their their quote unquote comfort zone, but to go from there to living a life in Atlanta, Georgia, and coming up in my career, as well as meeting individuals that's coming in and out of my life and learning from there from what they I gained from them to now being in the state that I am now. Yes, I've accomplished.

SPEAKER_03

So are there other things that you want to accomplish in life?

SPEAKER_00

There's more. There's more stuff, career-wise, personal-wise, you know, emotional-wise, even, um, spiritual-wise, definitely. Because I do think I do, I was a kid that grew up in the church. So, you know, over the time frames when you get older and you live your life, basically things try your perception of church and religion does change. And now being of authority, I understand when I used to watch my grandmama say certain things about coming together as a community, or basically, you know, leaning more into um my Bible and the teachings within my Bible. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So for me, like I said, when I I started my effort stage around at 28, and as I, you know, moved up in my career and got degrees and all of those beautiful things, I found more confidence in myself.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

And so I always the way I said in my 20s, it was I thought I knew a lot in the beginning of my early 20s. Right? I thought I knew, knew everything. You couldn't tell me nothing. I had an effort mindset.

SPEAKER_00

But you wasn't a boastful person. Oh, what? A boastful person.

SPEAKER_03

I'd have had been the boastful. It wasn't about me being boastful. I always say boastful, I haven't material things. But you knew it. You knew everything. I thought I knew everything. I had no degree, and I knew everybody. No degree. Um, so as I grew and I learned, right? I I experienced different people, different personalities, different backgrounds, different people, education levels, and things like that. It was like, okay, you know what? Maybe I need to humble myself and take a step back and say, okay, let me learn a little bit more about the world versus thinking I know it all and going into the world. And so at that point, about 28, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna take a step back and I'm going to see what the world can teach me, what I can gain from the world, right? And so going into my 30s, yes, technically I did I never really made it to 30. I was 28 for a little bit, I was 28 for a while. So for those of you listening, last year I made 28 and a half, but then I decided I was just gonna go back to 28. This year, I wasn't sure if I was gonna make 30 or make 40, but I did decide to make 40. Letting y'all know, I probably will be at 40 for a couple of years, so just bear with it. Hey, no, don't interrupt me because my ADHD might kick it out. I might forget what I was thinking about. So as I went into 30 uh in real life, in 30s, it was one of those where I'm like, you know what? I don't I don't know everything. I don't I want to actually learn and grow. So my 30s was that finishing school, trying to, you know, get my career and everything, and and get the life that I saw for myself. That's what my 30s were for. So I feel like I learned a lot in my 30s. Now my 40s is for me to enjoy the the everything, all the seeds that I sowed. I now I want to be able to enjoy that. Yeah, and while I'm still allowing the world to teach me, I know a lot. I I feel like I've grown, I've matured, I've learned a lot, but I also understand that there's a whole nother life that's ahead of me that's gonna teach me other things, and I'm more open to it, but I'm also have the skills and the knowledge and the things that I've gained up until now that I can fully enjoy life.

SPEAKER_00

So going so that time period between your last year of your 30s and turning 40 What was your mental what was some of the mental? Take your time, let me use I'm gonna let them use me. I won't let them use me. What was so what were some of your mental thoughts at that time about turning 40? Did you have a sense of like, okay, I can't play around anymore? No. Or no. Uh-huh. You want to really know? What was up?

SPEAKER_03

I was like, do you really want to know? I'm curious. So I'm not like I you said I'm boastful person at times.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

But it was a boastful inner inner thing. It was a cocky, arrogant, inner thing. Cocky and arrogant and boastful in the sense of N-I-G-G-A, you did this. Okay. You accomplished this. You coming from little sort of applaud button.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, whatever.

SPEAKER_03

I'll put it later. Applause. And there we go. Thank you. But it was that inner thing of like, okay, I uh for so long I didn't give myself credit for a lot of the things that I had done. And it was always like, okay, I've done that. What's next? How do I how do I build on this? How do I achieve something great? Or how do I do blah blah blah? And so that inner cockiness and that inner arrogance was like, bruh, look at what you've accomplished. Look at the things that that you have achieved, the things that you, the material things, as well as those inner things. So it's like having the confidence that I have in myself, having the knowledge and experience and the know-withal. No-withal? I'm talking now. Is that the right word? But anyway. But like having all the things that I have now, I'm like, bruh, I'm proud of myself. But I'm also, but I'm also one of there's days where I wake up and I'm like, thank you, God, for giving me the opportunities that I had, giving me the skills that I had. And so it wasn't, it wasn't like, oh my God, I need to push harder or anything like that. It was like, you know what? Take a breather. Take a breath and say, you know what? You did good. Pat yourself on the back. So that's what it was that last year, and like I said, going into my 40s, I can genuinely say that I've accomplished things that I never thought I would accomplish. There's people that I showed that probably never thought I would be in the position that I'm in now. And so I'm proud of that. And so my 40s, I'm not gonna waste my time. I'm not gonna waste my time worrying about what could be, what could be. I'm gonna enjoy what is while still pushing for whatever comes next.

SPEAKER_00

And generational 40s, and what I mean by generational 40s is when our parents turned 40 and our grandparents turned 40s is totally different from us turning 40. Because when my parents turned 40, my parents was wasn't where I was at at the time. They had kids under the belt. Then when my grandparents turned 40, they had also kids, but they wasn't where my parents were at the time. So I'm me turning 40 was mentally the like a sign of relief for me. I was just like, okay, I am okay with who I am. I love who Dennis is. I'm in I'm embracing who Dennis is. So that's why I say 90% of it is I just have a eff it type attitude. Like, okay, well, it is what it is. You're gonna get, you're gonna get who I get, who I am at the end of the day. I'm not going to sugarcoat nothing in at all. But then there's still going to be a 10% for myself that I'm holding on to myself to kind of educate me on why that 90% is more important to me.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, that's I think that that's fine as long as you don't let that 10% hinder you.

SPEAKER_00

No, no. I don't believe me, you've now you you knew me in my late 30s, even though it was what, one year? One and a half year. So now I'm into my 40s or whatever. I hope, hopefully, my persona has changed in reference to I'm not doubting myself as much as I did in my 30s on the outside looking in. But at the end of the day, guess what? I don't care. Because guess who I am? I said, guess who am I? Um Spider-Man?

SPEAKER_03

Oh, you didn't want me to dream really. I am Dennis. Oh, I am he. Who is that?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, you're talking about you. Yeah. Y'all see what we deal with. I deal with.

SPEAKER_03

But no, uh, I feel like it's it's good. I think it's it's almost like, you know, when you watch those movies where uh like a superhero is like trying to get their power back and everything, right? And they're not at that full capacity until they hit that hundred percent, right? Authority, right?

SPEAKER_00

Their authortic, but authoric version. Is that what it's called? Authortic. I think it's it's a part of a part of a uh Okay. When the main character finds his his um his power or his drive. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Ain't he in the art, y'all?

SPEAKER_03

Listen, okay.

SPEAKER_00

You wrote plays, didn't you?

SPEAKER_03

I did, I do, I will. Um but I think that that's I feel like it's the same with us when it comes to who we are as people. It's like that once you kind of reach that that overall space where you know who you are as a person, yeah. I'm not saying that there won't be times where you doubt yourself or question yourself, but it's one of those where you doubt yourself for a second and then you're like, oh, you know what? I don't know who the hell I am. Let me let me let me snap back. And when I did my stage play, uh The Soldier's Wife, which is available on YouTube, just go to YouTube and search The Soldier's Wife, T-H-E, Soldier's Wife.

SPEAKER_00

Come on now, market yourself.

SPEAKER_03

The Bobby Jorell. Um I remember I told myself during that time when I was like working on putting the show together, uh, we were rehearsing everything. I said, if something doesn't go as planned, all I can do is I'll give myself an hour, two hours at the most, to be mad, to be upset, to cry. After that two hours, I gotta get the hell up and figure it out. And so even we did um the removing the mask mental health forum, which is available on YouTube as well. You can go to YouTube and search Removing the Mask Mental Health Forum, the healing journey. Um I hosted moderated. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Um I hosted, moderated, put that whole panel together. That was my second time doing that one. Even during that one, there was so much that wasn't going right in that moment. But I had people like you, I had Conchetta, I had my family, I had my like my friends that showed up, right? And so the what you call it, the thing, the poster thing that I um that the banner, that didn't arrive in time. So Conchetta was like, well, let's look online and try to find something. Laverne was like, well, CVS does it. So I'm like, okay, let me call, let's let's go through CVS. I'm driving, Conchetta on the driving side, putting in the order for CVS. So I'm calling my brother, like, hey, I put it in right down the street from you. I need you to go pick this up when you're on your way here. He went pick it up. When it showed up, it wasn't the right posters. So I was like, dang, like, what we can do, trying to hang it up. They was like, well, put it on the wall. All right, cool. What a duct tape. I'll like let's put it on the wall, you hanging the posters on there. And so it's one of those things where in the past, I feel like I would have let that like bottle up so much, but I was like, you know what? It ain't work out, but how can we use what we got to make it work? That's one of the things I think when you hit that hundred percent, that's where you allow yourself to be like, you know what? Everything gonna be I I realize nothing is gonna be perfect. Right, nothing in life is gonna be perfect. Sometimes you may get as close to perfect as possible, and those are those rare moments, but when you can take what you got and make it look perfect to the world, that's what matters to me. And so I'm like, everything that I've got, like there's so much that I can talk about, like going through the whole journey of doing a stage play, doing web series, doing being in other people's stuff, doing the these uh um a little too honest recordings. That things ain't always work out the way that I wanted it to work out, but it was up to me to say, do I keep pushing? Yeah, I can keep pushing. Every now and then I might need to take a break, but I'm gonna keep pushing. And that's when I feel like hitting that 100% allows you to say, you know what, I'm good, I got this.

SPEAKER_00

And now we know when we're when we're hitting a certain age now that we do can we can, excuse me, not we do, we can burn out and we know the signs of burning out, and we know when to slow down and take time for ourselves and take time to maybe decompress a situation or decompress whatever we're going through at a time. Things I used to deal with in my 20s and my 30s, like when it came down to well, okay, maybe this family member wasn't talking to me that I really wanted to talk to, or I had a consistent, consistent um communication, and we're no longer talking anymore, and we can maybe kind of grow apart. Type, I I used to let that bother me so, so, so, so bad to the point it's like, well, what did I do wrong? Who was I? This is the person, this is my blood, this is the person I was supposed to be with, this is the person I'm supposed to hang out with all the time and stuff, and we no longer together anymore. So now it's like, okay, well, I've lost a friend, and you it's like losing a relationship sometimes. And in my 20s and my 30s, I just used to be like so stuck on the fact of like what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong for them to kind of end up? But now my whole perception of that is like maybe maybe it's a situation where even if it is blood, it's not meant to for us to remain communicated to each other or latched onto each other, right? As well as okay, a situation of you know me not passing a certain certification, and I am a big av, I am a big person in my head of okay, well, oh man, I messed up this situation because I didn't study more, or I didn't have the right tools and stuff like that. But when I turn around and look that look at it now, is that yeah, you know, I did mess up, or I may have had a situation where I didn't dedicate everything to it, but the next time it rolls around, hopefully I'm able to change it. And I'm not letting that kind of like shut me down months, weeks on end.

SPEAKER_03

So I wanted to talk about I was just you was talking about like family and stuff. Um, so I put like friends into that category as well, right? For me, I've learned to accept people for who they are and also what I can add to their life, what they can add to my life. So everything, I believe that every interaction that we have is a transactional react relationship with people, right? So we have friends, there's something that they can do for us, whether it be getting me out the house, whether it's like, oh, we're gonna eat dinner, or like going on trips and things like that. So I've learned that when somebody is in my life, like you know, the great Tali Perry, uh, in his thing, he talked about how we have the branches, the leaves, and the roots, right? And so I understand now that I'm that as I've gotten older, that everybody's not meant to be in my life for every single season for everything that I go through.

SPEAKER_00

How hard it may be to accept. Right.

SPEAKER_03

But sometimes you have to be able to accept that, especially when sometimes I don't think that let's say like in relationships and we can say friendships, I believe that you want to grow with your people. Sometimes you're gonna grow in the same direction, but sometimes you may grow in completely different directions. Like we may have somebody that you may be close with, like let's say family members. Me, me in particular, I have family members that we were very close as kids growing up, but they went in a direction of, oh, I'm gonna have kids and I want to have a family. I didn't go that direction. They still grew, but we just grew in different directions. That's not a good or bad thing. It's just we just went our separate ways. We could connect when we connect. If we don't, we just don't. And the same thing with friends. Like some people don't, some people's mindset is not, oh, I wanna own a business, I wanna. Be able to travel more. I want to do this. Some people's mindset is I want to go to the club every weekend. If that's what makes them happy, that's what makes them happy. It just doesn't mean that we need to still be in each other's lives. And so I think for me, I'm in a phase now, especially in my 40s, where I know I want to travel a lot more and do like new, new adventures and experience new things. I have friends that I travel with. Hopefully I'll be able to travel with them, but I'm also open to not traveling with them and traveling with by myself or traveling with new people to experience those new things. So how do you feel as far as being able to venture out? Because I believe that it's hard as hell to find friends as you get older.

SPEAKER_00

Very hard.

SPEAKER_03

But I think it's okay that not you don't need to have friends that you talk to every single day, but just people that you can hang out and connect with when y'all do connect. So how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_00

I don't think it's very well, I take my statement back of saying it's very hard. I don't think it's very hard. It's whatever we make it to be.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um I'm a person that don't get out as much as I used to now. So yes, it's going to, I'm going to find it hard to meet people because if I'm not, you know, going places where you tell me I can be sociable at, then yes, I'm not going to meet new people. And I'm not going to experience new new new experiences with those individuals where I can possibly meet a new friend and everything like that. So I'm kind of stuck with using my current friends and their relationships as my new friends. And I like it's still fun because you still can you still are showing yourself and who you're about.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And like I'm one of those people that is like, if I'm if I connect people and they become friends and do things, like, okay, cool. Sometimes, like, oh, y'all didn't invite me.

SPEAKER_00

But it's like sometimes you can't be jealous at the situation because I've been that person.

SPEAKER_03

But it's also one of those where it's like, you know what? Like, y'all connect on a different level and y'all do things that aren't necessarily interesting to me. So hey, have fun, have at it, like enjoy. Like, I don't need to be a part of everything, also. Uh, I think that that's important to be able to like understand that you're not the gatekeeper of the people around you. Allow your friends to become friends and right and build those connections. If y'all become friends and do things together, great. If not, just be open to finding new people and finding and new adventures. Because, like, for me, I think there's a lot of things that I'm more open to now that I am older than I wasn't open to when I was younger. And I'm like, if I allow myself to take these opportunities and these adventures, like who knows who I'll meet, where it can go put relationships I can build from that.

SPEAKER_00

Because you can meet you can meet someone that has their own clinic, and y'all can connect that way and never know. Uh, that could be an inspiration for you to open up your own clinic, or in a in a sense of my world, I can meet someone who's a solution architect, or I can meet someone who does not know anything about networking and was trying to get into networking, and we can connect that way where I can open up their minds on certain things, or that person can open up minds. It took a it took a minute for me to understand that you know being around like being around some like-minded people can help you open up yourself even more. Right, right. And you know, get you out of your own kind of comfort zone or your own head. Man, turning 40 is good. Yeah, yeah, it is good, but you know, I used to hear this, I don't know if you heard it from your side of your family or your friends and stuff. That's what everybody in my family used to say all the time. Well, turn it, turn it 40, you just don't care. Then turn it 50, oh, you just gonna definitely not care. You know, so you know, I'm just blessed that I was able to make it because a lot of people, you know, a lot of people don't. And also people that you probably knew that you grew up with, they didn't do it. Right, right. You know, so that's it.

SPEAKER_03

Come on. Yes. Uh, all right, so as we get ready to wrap up, what let's say, I know it's like doing those cliche things, but what would you say to like young dentists? So like that little 10, 13-year-old Dennis.

SPEAKER_00

Life is gonna get hard. Life is gonna get very, very hard. And I know you hear all the time, oh, if you put God first, baby, everything's gonna work out. But also, with God as well, you will remain on the right path. You're not gonna you're not going to stare, you're not gonna steer in uh a bad direction. And if you do stare in a bad direction, you're not gonna stay there for too long. So love and embrace the fact that you're learning throughout life and continue to grow and continue to be be on be on your standards, or what I'm trying to say, or I guess what I'm trying to say. You know how you have standards, and if you you know, your foundation, that's what I'm trying to say. Your foundation, just remain steadfast and lean on your foundation more and embrace change as much as possible, as much as possible, and that will help you succeed in whatever you want to do, whatever, and with whoever you want to be with. So I would tell that to the 10, 11-year-old Dennis who was playing Power Rangers with his best friend Kyle. I wish we were video recording so they could see that move you just did. No, we're gonna save that for the later. What would you tell nine, 10, and even 15-year-old Jarrell?

SPEAKER_03

Uh I would tell us around a 15-year-old Jarrell, I would tell him, like, man, you're you're you're awesome.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Don't let people's negativity make you think less of yourself. And everything that everything you think you are, everything that you think you can accomplish and create in this world, you can do that plus more. All you gotta do is believe in yourself. The confidence is definitely on its way. I wish I would have had that confidence sooner, but don't give up. The confidence is is is coming. Everything, everything in the world, the world is gonna open up for you. Um and I'll wrap it up with this. Is like I remember recently one of the things I I told myself, you know how they say uh God is an on-time God, right? And so a lot of times we pray for things and we think like, okay, I prayed yesterday, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe like God, like I'm I'm trusting your timing, right? But I I'm I'm uh is a testament for me to say I'm seeing things that I prayed for 10, 15, 20 years ago now coming to fruition. And so being able to say, yes, there were hard times. There were times where like I felt like I went through a lot of hard times, but then when God blessed me, he blessed me. You know what I mean? And so being able to see those things like coming to life and happening, and a lot of it just like within myself, it makes me happy to know that I continue to trust God all those times. Did I doubt them at times? Yeah, of course we all doubt them, but being able to say, okay, now I'm at 40, all the things that I've prayed for, like I said, the majority of things that I prayed for are happening. And some of the things I didn't pray for, that God said, Hey, you don't need this, I'm gonna bless you with this instead. And I'm thankful for that. So here, sitting here at 40 years old, is like I didn't think I was gonna be here at 40. I didn't think I was gonna make it to 20, 21 years old. So to be here at 40, I'm like blessed and I'm thankful for that. So anybody that's listening, uh, anybody, you know, if they're above 40, keep praying, keep believing, keep pushing, believing in yourself and trusting that all the things that you desire will come to light.

SPEAKER_00

And give yourself grace. Yes, yes, and go to therapy.

SPEAKER_03

Go to therapy.

SPEAKER_00

Oh you see, he had to put his little therapy sense on it.

SPEAKER_03

Oh no, I was just saying, because you know I did do removing the mask mental health forum, which is available on uh YouTube, so people can search removing the mask mental health form. I'm gonna drop number three healing journey. Yeah, they can do that, or they want to hit me up for some life coaching services. That's you know, behavioral coaching service.

SPEAKER_00

Because he secretly gave life, you you gave some life coaching in the beginning of the segment. You know that, right? It was free. Thank you. You heard it now. He said it was free.

SPEAKER_03

I hope the editors don't edit that part out. All right, thank you, Dennis, for being a part of the video.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you for letting me be a part of this.

SPEAKER_03

Uh tell the people where they can find you on social media.

SPEAKER_00

You can find me on Instagram, that's Den Kurt, D-E-N-K-I-R-K. You know what? As a kid, I used to struggle with my middle name. And I don't understand why. But as a 40-year-old man, I can read my middle name frontwards and backwards now. It's only K-I-R-K. Listen here. Okay. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03

So it's like it's Kirk Forward and prick backwards.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, man. But but you can find me there on Instagram, and you know, hey, if hit me up. Um I'm I'm leaning into my sociable self now. Good job. See, I'm probably young.

SPEAKER_03

Y'all can find me on social media at Bobby Jarrell. That's B O B B Y J A R E L. Thank you guys for listening. Let us know what y'all thought about the episode. I look forward to hearing from you guys and look forward to more episodes to come soon.

SPEAKER_00

Peace.