#042 Andre Paradis on Struggles Between Men and Women

Andre and I discuss the sometimes controversial topic of equality and why scientifically it doesn't often work in relationships.  Andre tells you about gender intelligence, being invested, polarity and how what we don't know about each other is dangerous and causing all the confusion and drama between men and women.  You'll also hear one of the 5 things needed for a man to commit to you.  Towards the end, we talk about the many women he and I both know who dreamed of their own kids and now it's too late.  He wants to sound the alarm bell and have you really think about what you want sooner than later especially if want your own biological children.  If you want a husband too, you need to understand men and not get mad at them for not being like you and vice versa.  Men and women think and act differently and if you'd like to better understand that, check out this great episode!!  Link will let you set up an hour call with Andre who coaches both men and women. 
http://www.andregroupcoaching.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome to the Straight from the Sorts of Mouth podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating. Hello, and welcome to episode number 42 of season two. My name is Tamara, and you're listening to the Straight from the Source of Mouth podcast. Andre Parody is here today. We're going to talk about the differences between men and women and all that entails. So if you like this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. Thanks for joining me today, Andre. Good morning. Happy to be here. Good morning. Yes, I'm happy to have you. And um I read through some of the things you cover generally, and I agree most of the, or pretty much all of it, but we'll see if anything controversial comes up. But I definitely want to um enlighten the listeners on why there's so much struggle out there and confusion between men and women.

SPEAKER_00: 0:46

Yeah, my my entire body of work, what I do every day.

SPEAKER_01: 0:50

Yeah. So how did you get started in this, or what's your background, or how whichever one you want to start with?

SPEAKER_00: 0:55

Well, it's a long story, but I'm gonna try to crunch it down. I I I came from a strange family. No other way to put it. The black sheep. I realized I was a black sheep that I actually didn't belong with these people at five as a little kid. So, you know, five children in my my family, seven of us, yet I don't belong with these people. So it was a kind of a weird and scary time when I put that together. So what happened is I started watching, you know, I I became very super aware of them and why. Like trying to understand how does that, you know, like like how can you be born in the wrong family? How does that work? Like, how is that possible? So that became my sort of awareness, and I've been watching people ever since. Part of that was trying to figure out my own. Um I became fascinated with the human condition, and so I've always been done this work on some level, even though I did other things, you know. So that was the beginning of it. Um in 2000, I was I've been taking personal development workshops since I was 23 years old. You know, again, trying to figure out my stuff, trying to figure out my stuff. But money, money, you know, um personal development, but money development, business development, like whatever, and they all come around. Whatever kind of workshop you take always comes back to you. You have problems with money, it's you. You have problems with business, it's you. It's the lack of anyway. So I'm an inquisitive mind, and I just I'm curious about everything. I research everything. I look like a musician, but I'm a complete geek. Research everything. So that's always my go-to with human condition. In 2006, seemingly randomly, I was in Northern California in a business workshop, trying to up the money that's making my business at the time, a car business. And on the way on a flight back to Los Angeles, a couple that was in the workshop were sitting in the same row, which I thought was random. Now I realize nothing is random. At the time, I still thought life was random. Uh, the girl says to me, the lady says to me, She goes, What do you do next weekend? And I go, I'm I'm off next weekend. She goes, You want to come to a workshop? It's on me. Now I'm a workshop head. So of course I'm gonna go to the workshop if it's free because those can be expensive, right? Very expensive. So I'm like, Wow, sure, of course, you know, Los Angeles airport, like uh hotel next weekend, man. And I go, but what is it? What's the workshop about? I was I was a yes before I knew what it was. It's like, oh, it's called understanding women.

SPEAKER_01: 3:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 3:26

Okay, right. So you have to understand because I am an artist, you know, and always without any arrogance, I for me, like I had no problem with women. Like I always attracted sweet women. I never did the crazy stuff my friends did, and yelling and screaming and misunderstanding. I don't know. And I thought it was me, I thought it was my artistic ways or something about me that I had this, you know what I mean? So I kind of went in that workshop backwards, as in like, uh, now my weekend is ruined because I committed to this. I'm just studying women. Huh. Yeah. So, but it turns out that at the end of the workshop, my brain was all over the wall. Like, I I actually came home, my wife said, not newlyweds, but the kids were tiny, we just started the family. They were little kids. Not looking for this film material. We're not struggling. I just happened to be there. But when I realized out of the workshop is that I knew nothing about women, absolutely zero, zip, zip, nothing, like not even a little bit, like blew my mind, my brain, and um, which also meant I knew nothing about my wife. And my wife is my angel, my baby, she's my girl. Like, she's you know, um, and then realizing it's I realized again, it's when I realized it's what I didn't know that was dangerous, it's what I don't know that's dangerous. Like I'm doing things to her that I don't know I'm doing to her. She's assuming things by my action or my lack of action, my words, my lack of word. Like it all means something to her girl. I didn't know that. You know, I never have any intention of hurting her feelings or making her feel unsafe or insecure, or what's she doing now? Like I never it's never my go-to, so it's never my fault. Oh, wait, that's always my fault. So that to me was super dangerous. You know, it was not gonna be statistics because I didn't know. I lose my baby and my family because I didn't know. Nah, uh uh-uh-uh. Not so I just went into that company's entire curriculum. I became a workshop leader for that company because I'm a teacher at heart. So, you know what I mean? And that that was the beginning of that. It turned out not to work out with that company, but as soon as I when I moved on, I then ended up continuing the research and the work, more fascination, more curiosity about this whole thing. Dr. John Gray, Shanti Felhan in the South, Esther Perrell, who was not known at the time, was now famous. These are people I work with, train with. And then Dr. Pat Allen in Los Angeles, the most probably the most famous uh family child uh marriage therapist. So I'm trained also as a therapist, even though I'm not a therapist, I don't want to be a therapist, I don't want to be bound by those licenses, by that license. So I do an LP work, I do you know communication work. So I have a lot, a lot, a lot of training, the cocktail. So that's how I got to be here.

SPEAKER_01: 6:05

Yeah, that's awesome. And that's and like you said, that's pretty much the root of issues with men and women just not understanding and not even knowing there's so many differences that you're not a man, you know, you're not the opposite sex. Like you don't, you just don't operate that way, so it's too hard to get.

SPEAKER_00: 6:20

The culture keeps telling us we're equals, we equals, we're equals, you know, and that's you know, equal rights, equal, equal rights, equal pay. I understand that. It turned into that the concept that we're equal beings, that we're supposed to operate the same way, that men are supposed to be sweet and sensitive and vulnerable, like women to be good men. Well, no, that's your girlfriend. And that women are supposed to be strong, independent, and powerful to be worthy nowadays. But and this is the problem that I see every single day. There's something to that, but when you take it to the hilt, the idea that we're equals is impossible makes it impossible to build relationships. Impossible.

SPEAKER_01: 6:58

Yeah, and I I just read a book. I'm just starting a book, The Way of the Superior Man. You may have read it too.

SPEAKER_00: 7:04

And David Didder.

SPEAKER_01: 7:05

Yeah, and it's and I've just started, but I it pretty much says the same thing. In the bedroom, you cannot be equal. Like that's the one place you may be equal in life or jobs and stuff.

SPEAKER_00: 7:14

But that's a huge deal. That's a huge deal because that idea of equality becomes either man on man, which means you're gonna fight, or if you go one or woman, right, and nothing happens. Nothing happens, you know. So it's again everything I teach is nature, it's science. And we know that if if again, if nature knows best, you could go against nature, but it's gonna come and bite you in the butt. Because nature that you know does what nature does, and there's rules of this rules of everything in nature, and one of the biggest rules in is polarity. Everything's polarized, masculine and feminine, yin-yang, black, white, you know, like magnets, positive and negative. Like the magnet, the magnetism, the polarity is essential for anything to grow, to flourish, to expand. Do you know what I mean? We need so everywhere in nature, nowhere in nature are things neutral, they're all polarized, you know, and that's the juice of life. So we think we're better than that. Well, big mistake, and that's where the struggle comes from. Not knowing, but actually that false belief that equality is a key. It's not, it's not the relationship, it'll kill it.

SPEAKER_01: 8:16

Yeah, and I have a podcast about sex and dating, so I think m most men assume I'm like all about it and like gonna take charge and like you know, try to rip their clothes off when I see them or something. But I'm very much in my feminine and prefer the man to be in his masculine. Yeah, it makes women Especially in the bedroom. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 8:33

Oh my god, you know, especially and women again, it's all instinctual. You could fight it all you want, you can fight it all the way. You can say that's not right, and stereotypes are passe, and that's the whole problem because we stereotype men as they stereotypes exist because they exist, they they're just they exist, they're just they're they're reality, right? They're they're dude flick, you know, dude movies and chick flicks. I mean, that everybody knows this. There's that this dude cars and chick cars, and you know, so oh no, but we're supposed you guys wake the hell up, right? Like, this is the problem. I I always say the way I put it is like we're as equals or genitals. Oh, look at that. Complet opposite, inside out, but made to fit, made to fit, made to fit. So actually, our temperament and our masculine and feminine are actually in opposite, in opposition in every way. What motivates me doesn't motivate my wife. What you know, what what I find interesting doesn't interest her necessarily, right? So we're we're we're built to be in opposition, but also made to come together and fit and build a dynamic, build a relationship, build a marriage. It's it's the opposition that works. Again, polarity, polarity, polarity. That's nature. So, you know, what are we fighting here? Go with it, go with it.

SPEAKER_01: 9:47

And what are some of the bit one of the some of the biggest myths you see with men about women or women about men? Like what they think they want or have, or like what some of the issue biggest issues between the sexes.

SPEAKER_00: 9:59

You know, we've given so much, I don't I won't say power, but a voice to women. You know, the patriarchy has been, you know, putting you down for centuries. Uh it's time to get in front of men because men have been in front of women for millennia, blah, blah, blah. Well, no, no, no, no, no. That's again, so you're gonna fight. Is that it? So you're gonna you're gonna you know if you make half the planet the enemy, how's that gonna work, ladies? Right? So it's not men in front of women, even though it's been that, but again, the uh the at the source of patriarchy is men and men providing and protecting women and children.

SPEAKER_02: 10:34

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00: 10:34

There's been some get out of the way, you don't need to vote, you know, you don't need to bother yourself with this. You know, it's not an emotional decision, it's a logical decision. Like there's a reason why, you know, I don't want to go there, it becomes political, but it's a whole like there's a whole reason when you know emotions don't belong in logic, and women are more emotional. So men often went, you know, don't bother with this. Like, we got this. We need this country to thrive, this family to thrive. Let me lead this, you know, get us there logically. Because feelings kind of you know, through everything. So that's been where the sense of abuse and neglect or push women out of the way came from. I get it. I totally get it. Sure. Except except, you know, ultimately, the patriarchy is about protecting, providing protecting women and children first. So men will take that on naturally and kill themselves, and you know, women and children first on a boat that's thinking, will die for it. At the base, so that concept is lost now. When you have men believing that there women should work as hard as them and provide in the household like a man again, like the idea of like some men complain that you know, I had a Brand Warner article a couple weeks ago where the man was online, he was complaining that his wife did agreed to um for her to take her leave when she got pregnant. Uh, and then she realized that happens all the time, by the way. Again, nature will win, will mess with you if you try to get against you, you'll pay. So she realized that three months or six months after having the baby, she's like, I can't go to work. I can't go back to work. I can't leave this child to some stranger, a three-month-old or four months, whatever, you know, and and like you drop drop him off and then go to work, and that's I don't that's insane, right? Like the reality came back in, and he's like, I'm so disappointed with my wife. Then she's complaining online because she doesn't want to go to work, and you know, like how we're gonna like is complaining that she's so she wants to be naturally a good mother, he wants her to work instead because she, you know, the lifestyle will change. They didn't plan for it, but like men don't think that way naturally. So now in a culture, when you have men complaining or want women to be breadwinner or do the 50-50 part, this is how you kill again polarity, you know, and things will come back to bite you in the butt. But I mean, I'm just saying. So you're trying.

SPEAKER_01: 12:52

Yeah, no, and and I know the younger generation is not gonna agree with that. And I can to some extent, I can see, like we said, with the work environment, it could I can see a little more la relaxation on that, all that stuff. But definitely my issue is in the bedroom for sure. There needs to be polarity, but yeah, work life. I don't know. I definitely see both sides, and I I think it works better when men are men or the mass men are masculine and women are feminine.

SPEAKER_00: 13:18

Yeah, but back to nature back to nature, back to nature, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01: 13:23

Yeah, and I mean there are a lot more people that don't want to have kids, even so that part comes out of play, and then that's and that's fine.

SPEAKER_00: 13:30

Do you know what I mean? I'm not I'm not you know, people do what they want to do. My my part is, you know, when it's not working and they don't understand why it's not working. Well, this is where I come in. This is what's not working. We know what doesn't work and why, all the way through. So if you want a classic type family, you know, there's a modern way to do this. I'm not talking about going back to the 50s, that's ridiculous. But there's a modern way to do what works.

SPEAKER_01: 13:57

Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's still the respect of women and all that, it's just the modern version of polarity.

SPEAKER_00: 14:04

Yeah, so look behind me. This is like my wife and I. I don't know if you can see.

SPEAKER_01: 14:08

Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 14:09

This so I come from background of volume when I was a teenager into my career. I made a career out of dancing. I work with a big big guys, Michael Jackson, friends, Paul Abdul. I I took it all the way. I mean, they're living at this, that's how I met my wife. My wife's a ballerina, but we're volume dancing as well. Bolum dance is that was the beginning. So the metaphors for volume dancing and relationships are incredible. You know what I mean? We're not doing the same thing up there. You know what I mean? What I'm doing is not what she's doing. Actually, what she's doing, and the idea that, you know, if I'm leading and she's supporting the lead, that she's less than me. No. No, she's doing everything I'm doing backwards in high heels and long dress. You know, that's not easier. And she has to hold her frame, she has to be actively active, obviously, you know, for me to take her on a ride. You know what I mean? I have to lead, sure, but then I have to lead with a certain sensitivity because I'm telling you, this is the metaphors with dancing and relationships are beautiful. I can overlead her. I could hurt her, I can. It's actually very doable. You could overlead a girl and be a brute in a dance, you know what I mean? And you'll see it changes the flavor of it, but like, so how likely is she to want to stick around me as opposed to a dancer who's more in tune with her and you know her comfort zone with leadership? Do you know what I mean? So I have to be have to lead with a velvet glove. She and the other side has to be vulnerable to my leadership, right? If she's trying to, if she's not receptive, if she's she's resisting, we're gonna hurt each other, right? I get the elbow to the face, the knee to the drawing. Do you know what I mean? Like so, there's a there's such a beautiful mix of leading and supporting, but get this. I'm doing, if you've seen the bottom dancers fly across the dance floor, like it looks so beautifully effortless, it's so smooth. Well, you know how much work went into that? Right? In the beginning, they stepped on each other's toes, I promise you, right? So, again, people want to get in relationships and they think this is what I see all the time the idea of after a few months, it's not fun anymore, it's not smooth anymore, it's awkward, you know, or they have they they start, they need to start negotiating their boundaries, their wants, and their needs, but they think, oh, if it's not easy, it's the wrong person, dump. So nobody's really learning to dance together, nobody's committing solid. It takes five years to be a bottom couple. It takes a year to get to know somebody. So it's not that big of a deal, but we again people jump the ship. So instead of learning how to bottom dance, people get it. I call it they get on the dance floor and they go, they do club dancing, you know, like face to face, but not touching. And they they're on the dance floor, they're working together, they're dancing together, but they're not really invested. You know what I mean? They move in together, they don't, they don't, they have they they have separate bank accounts in every way. Her money, his money, they share the bills, but you know, they don't get in. They think it's a relationship, they're not invested, and then they just kind of wait to get bored or that something goes wrong because they're not really invested. Couples who succeed in long-term relationships are invested. They go to work, they go on, they get on the dance floor and get somebody, me, you, so anybody to help them to teach them to dance, negotiating boundaries, you know, your wants and needs, you know, how the understanding what motivates him, what's his internal operating system is different than hers, and all these things. Feel the onion, get to learn. No, no, I call that gender intelligence. You know, if you're a man wanting to be in a relationship with a woman long term, cross the bridge into woman world, go learn what a woman needs instinctively, naturally, you know, you know what the driver is for them to feel safe, you know, want to stick around, look at you as a hero. There's a whole, again, instinctual system in place there that is easy to learn. But when you understand a woman, women say, you know, I always need so little. How come you can't get so if men don't know what that means? Go learn, you idiot. Right? And then for women, same thing. Like you want to, you want to you want to you know, get yourself a good man, would cross the bridge into man's world and find out what motivates men, why they do what they do, because it's confusing to you, very not confusing for us at all. What drives us, why? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then now you go, the good news about this is when you go learn about men, 50% of the stuff you take personally disappears.

SPEAKER_02: 18:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 18:43

Wow. That's that alone is a different life, right? Instead of why do they always you go, oh, you it's being a provider, oh, it's being a hero, it's being the help, you know, you understand their instinct, right? So our instincts are in opposition again, like everything else. When you understand a little bit more about each other, and then they go, gender intelligence, right? Go learn what instead of complaining, right? And then go meet on the bridge in the middle with some knowledge, some understanding, and then we can start dancing. And you know, learning into the getting the flow of negotiating and talking about the stuff we need, right? That's the bottom part, right? You come together and get to learn to move together, learn to dance together, learn to negotiate and speak and share your wants and needs, and find a way in the beginning is awkward, but like anything else, it gets better and better by practicing and being in it, you get to win. Wow, it's not that hard. But people people don't want to take the time seemingly, or they're too afraid to be afraid for it to fail, and everybody gets committed, okay, and then it falls apart.

SPEAKER_01: 19:47

Yeah, no, I totally agree. And like you said earlier, if people leave, they're still gonna repeat the same patterns and do the same thing to the next person. So why not just work on it with someone you're compatible with or whatever you chose them for in the first place?

SPEAKER_00: 19:59

And my work. This is interesting because you know we all have issues. We all do. We all have a screw loose somewhere. Everybody. And we know now, and this is again this this data yin the yin yang on this. On every if you anybody in the in the business of relationships or psychology psychology, that we know that the person that you attract is the person who's gonna make that screw come undone. So on both sides, so whatever your issue is, that person is gonna come and trigger that that issue and you you them, and that's that's exactly the point. That's part of the attraction factor, right? It sounds kind of insane, but it's not. We know exactly how that works. So the person in front of you that you attract as a person where you with which you need to learn the lesson. But you don't you don't know the you don't learn the lesson unless you stick it out and dive in and try to make this work and understand. And so ultimately people get they don't do the work, they step out. You know, it's not easy enough, so we're gonna just let that go because they're supposed to know. And in the end, they find the next person just the same problem, and the next person just the same problem, and the same person, different body, same problem. So I always say, like when you find yourself stuck in the loop, you can't get out of the loop, whether it's like relationships or finances or whatever in your life, when you're stuck in a loop, it's you, it's you, it's not him, it's not her, it's you.

SPEAKER_01: 21:24

Yeah, and like you said, you're with that person to heal the lesson or to heal that part of you. And there's a book about getting the love you want, which talks about the imago that covers all this stuff, and then earlier um the book Queen's Code talks about the differences of men and women. Yeah, and that's like to me, that's the Bible like every woman should read to understand men.

SPEAKER_00: 21:45

And then I'm sure there's books, like you said, for understanding women, but yeah, and and and part of it even is this the con the women don't even understand women. And men are funny because men are reactive to women more than you can imagine, and women too, to a point, but it's different, right? So men can explain why you know everything's well, then all of a sudden it's not. They're just it's you know, so for men, women are always like talking about like why does he, how come he doesn't? I don't blah, but women always uh women process verbally, so there's a lot of talking and your processing and your confusion. I get that, right? Men don't do that, men don't talk about it. We're not worried for that. So, but men are so reactive, and I if I gotta simplify the thing, men are you're yes or you're no. Does it right? Yeah, like you're yes or you're no. So if you're yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, you can have a funny dynamic with that dude. Right? So, what makes you a yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, again, gender intelligent, go find out what what men um not only are looking for, but what keeps them connected, what instinctively pulls them forward as opposed to push them away. Because they just they they literally pull they they they they rock back and forth between, you know, yes and no. So I have a bunch of that's you know, I have an article called The Five Things Men Need to Commit. One, two, three, four, five. If you're missing one of them, you're not getting married. You might you might stick around, it'll keep you around because you have four out of five, but you need five out of five. Period. Like, and men cannot explain to you. They just, I don't know, like it's missing a piece. I don't know, right? It's not quite, it's not quite good enough. Or I don't know, like I'm I can't, I don't feel it. Like they they can't explain it. I can teach you what they want, but it like it, but men are very if you understand how reactive we are to you, like it's yes or no, you know, yeah, constantly. So you have too many no's strong, independent, powerful, pushy, men, you know, trying to trying to make him act right. Allison, I'm strong, right? Women are trying to change man, make him act right. Lady, that's how rude. I mean, imagine me trying to teach you, you know, how to behave. I'm gonna teach you how to behave. Really? Yeah, that's a smothering. So that's a no, right? You can't do this. If you don't get him, you're trying to change him, you know. If you don't understand what he's up to, no, right? Like there's like so many ways to be a no that you you're blind to, not your fault necessarily, just don't understand. And this is why, like what I said, ladies, what do you mean, what does it what why would a man want to commit to you for a life? Like, you know, why what makes men commit? Crickets. You know why they pick, you know, why do they pick women to play with and women to build with? What's the difference? Crickets, right? Like, how come they do blah blah crickets? What motivates them, you know, first crickets? Like, so you don't, you know, don't listen to your girlfriend about men, don't listen to your mother about men, right? Go to men. Or go study. I mean, so that just went off a little bit.

SPEAKER_01: 25:08

No, no, that's perfect. I I totally agree. And do you want to share the five things, or do you want people to reach out to you to figure those out, or do you want to share a couple for as a teaser, and then you can share how to get a hold of them?

SPEAKER_00: 25:18

Well, the the biggest thing that I want to do the I'll give you the first one. The first one is, you know, he will go into uh interesting because men don't drive their lives through their feelings, right? Women do. And by the way, men don't even know how much you drive your life with your you know with your feelings. That we don't know that. We say stuff, then we say stuff to you like, why did that bother you? That's stupid. Why you just let it go? And you want to kill them, right? Because your feelings are your feelings, and you can't you can't change your feelings. When you feel bad, you feel bad, right? But we have compliment like compartment compartmentalized brains. We could put something away, you know, put it away and go to work, continue working because that's how we survive. Again, it's a whole mechanism there. Um, that's a great, it's a great, great mechanism, by the way. Like I wish you ladies had this, because this is how we get to sleep at night, even though everything's falling apart around us. But I need to sleep so tomorrow have the strength and the energy to fix the trouble. You'll stay up at night, you know, you can't push it away, right? Anyway, different system. Yeah, but the first one, the first, first, first one for him to even get hooked on you, is he will ask himself, not necessarily out loud, not in his head, but this is men are very aware how they feel. This is why I said women are all about feelings. We don't live live our lives through our feelings, but we're very aware of how we feel with the woman in our life and the women in our lives. Like we're kind of we're again we're reactive. So the first thing that'll come up to get him hooked is when he's around you, does he feel more like a man? Number one out of five.

SPEAKER_02: 27:03

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_00: 27:04

If you emasculate him, you make fun of you know his hobbies, if you correct him, correcting him, that's mothering, that's so disrespectful. That is so disrespectful. And and you women don't want to send respect on men because you're not wanted the same way, you know. You're looking for you're looking for being cherished, and that's when we act on cherishing that hurts your feelings, for us it's respect, a whole different machine. So you'll say something that to you is no big deal, and he gets mad, right? Respect is a button for men, cherishing is a button for for women. Not knowing this, right? So the first thing he's looking for is do I feel like a man with her? Are you pushing him around? Are you trying to correct him? Are you trying to make him act right? Do you think his hobbies are stupid? He's out of there. Instantly. Instantly out of there. You never get past go. And you know, you're thinking, wow, we had such chemistry, we were so good together the first three months, and then it did, then it discovered that you're trying to change him. Or he doesn't feel like a man around you. Now, if you don't understand the instinct in that, problem number one. It's not because he needs his little ego boosted. That's not it. One bit. That's so arrogant, ladies. Stop it. Ego. Yeah, his ego is a sense sense of sense of self, and he has to feel more like a man when he's around you than somebody else. You know, he's always going to go towards the girl. He feels more that accept his help and his support and his, you know, his movement towards her and appreciates that as opposed to, you know, denying his effort, not recognizing his effort, or straight up trying to change. You know, I had a woman, a man, because I do a lot of men, I have a men's group as well, so I do a lot of men's work. That's how we peel the onion and all this stuff. But um, and men complain of this with their wives and girlfriends. Like, she tells me I want she wants this, this, this, right? I do it. And oh, but I didn't do 100%. So now I get zero points, zero points, because I made the effort, I made the plans, except, oh, it was a little off some somehow, went too long or whatever. But he goes, Well, how come I get zero points? I don't get like why can't I get 80% for doing 80% of it right? And go, you know, but I can always get I'm always gonna I'm always at a zero. It's like if it's not perfect, it doesn't count. Well, that's that's how you can destroy a man, right? If you're not like you like yeah and then but I understand the perfection for women, I understand the idea of again, if it's not quite right, somehow it feels wrong. So you want to throw it down the toilet, don't. But anyway, so men complain of this. Like, it doesn't matter what I do, it's never 100%, so it's constantly discarded. This is how you kill a man.

SPEAKER_01: 29:55

Yeah, and women think you they should read their mind and just get it. You know, if you love me, you know what I want, or whatever, all that stuff.

SPEAKER_00: 30:02

And it's just that's not how no, that's that's ridiculous. You know, that's actually uh to me, I call that a loser communication style. To expect men or women to read your mind, it's exactly how you lose. Like if you want to be a loser, expect people to read your mind. It's not how it works. You have to you have to share. Nobody's a mind reader, but you are so hyper-vigilant and so aware of us that you'll pick up all stuff by watching our behavior. So you think we should do the same thing, it's just the right thing to do. You're a woman, a man. This is not how we do it. So let us know how what it is that you want, and we'll be happy to do it and give us some points for at least trying. And this is how you know it goes up, whereas like the the bonding goes up as opposed to I can't do it right. I can't do it right, I can't do it right. So it's not that complicated. It's not that complicated.

SPEAKER_01: 30:57

No, and I'm I'm telling you that book Queen's Code is like spells this out completely. Men women see men as misbehaving women, not as men. So we want you to be like us, and then we don't get why you're not, and then it frustrates the heck out of us.

SPEAKER_00: 31:11

But the the the worst thing about that everyone. Of course, the worst thing about that is you're killing him, you don't get him, right? He feels that he's not good enough. He's not gonna hang in there. So you're trying to make him act like a woman because it'd be easier if you talk more. I get it, if you communicated more, if it was more vulnerable, if you knew what's going on with him, like you know, your girlfriend who's telling you everything every single, you know, all the time. I get it. That that I I get it, but that's not a man, that's your girlfriend. So you're gonna try to make him that. The next thing that happens, you lose respect for him completely because he's too soft, he's too vulnerable. He's talking about his feelings, and you're like, ugh, like because if you're if you he basically now becomes in your in your mind and your in your eyes, weak, and the woman he appears weak, you lose it because you don't feel safe. And now you want the big guy who's macho and says, Honey, come over here and don't talk. So sexy.

SPEAKER_01: 32:07

Yeah, like yeah, you turn them into that and then you don't and then you turn on them. You don't want it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 32:13

So that doesn't work back to nature. Yeah, let another man be a man, and you know, no understand what they want, what motivates them, and same with men. Let women be women. You know, men say stuff like, Well, you know, she's she takes everything personally, you know. We she could just, I'm like, yeah, yeah, she's not gonna do it like you. Yes, she's gonna like that's a woman. Go with that, right? Learn to cherish her feelings, then you know, and that makes you a hero at all times, instead of telling her how to feel and that she should let that go, that she should not take it personally, that it's not for your fault, that you didn't mean it, doesn't matter. Just you know, cherish your feelings. I'm sorry you had feelings hurt, right? That's it. That's that's it, but so one of my friends cracked me up. He's like, forget you, man and woman bullshit shit. Okay, forget me like forget because he thinks it's bullshit, because he knows nothing. He goes, if you could just teach my girl to just do one thing at a time for Christ's sake, to finish something. And I busted out laughing. I'm like, Yeah, so you want her to be like you, right? She's not gonna be like you, she's a girl, you idiot. Wake the hell up. She's not gonna do it like you. Of course, to you it's more efficient, to her, it's not. She has a different system that's gather her brain, it's a different world, it's a different way of operating. You can't make her wrong for that, the same way that you she can't make it wrong for your ways. Learn to dance with it, right? Stop pushing and trying to make the other one like you. It doesn't work that way. You have to embrace your differences, and that's actually the best part of us. Like, the differences are the best part ultimately when you get to when you get it, yeah, you work the hell out of it. It's fun. Anyway.

SPEAKER_01: 33:50

Yeah, no, yeah. As I mentioned before, I totally agree with all this. And how can people reach you to um get your coaching or I I have a gift for you listeners, even.

unknown: 34:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 34:02

So if anybody's curious, like, you know, some of the stuff that I say, often people who haven't thought about it or people who think the exact opposite, you know, often it resonates. They go, wait, huh, hmm. Right? Something about this here that works. Hmm. You know, sometimes I have to be like extreme feminist. And they go, hmm, never thought of it that way before. I'm like, there you go.

unknown: 34:22

Right?

SPEAKER_00: 34:22

Because I teach nature again, nature and size. Like it's not my opinion. I have a professional opinion, but like the stuff resonates with people when they take a minute to listen, take a minute to consider. So if anybody listening resonates with what I'm talking about, understand that you're stuck in a loop in the relationship, especially, right? There's always a very easy, uh, it takes me 10 minutes to get there to find out where the wheels came off for you. Typically in childhood, between the age of five and 11, this is when you know, we the if the the the formative years, we call it psychology one-on-one, when we make decisions, decisions about life, people ourselves in the world, big decisions. I'm not good enough, I'll never be good enough, men are dangerous, you know, life is a terrible thing, people are dangerous, like whatever decision we make as little children, we all have them. Whether it's abuse, neglect, or venom issues, we all have them. So a lot of what's happening in everything in my world that's happening in adulthood that you find yourself looped in comes from there. So if if if anybody's curious, want to talk to me one-on-one, if you I I created a landing page, if you go to www.andregroupcoaching.com, takes it to my calendar, I'd have VIP hour, like a exploratory call, I call it. We'll talk for about an hour, men or women, a little questionnaire there, and we get on a call like this, one-on-one, and we'll talk about it. In ten minutes, we'll put we'll put the finger on where what the scoot is on you, you know. So kind of explaining your loop. And then what is the dream? If this is the past, if there's nothing wrong with you, there's ultimately there's nothing wrong with you, you've just been imprinted. We have to clean that up. And so then what's the future? What's the dream? And then we'll talk about what I offer. So it's it's ultimately an offer, but that call by itself, whether we work together or not, to find out what your trigger is or triggers, you know, from childhood that you completely forgot about that now runs your life, that's what I'm offering. That's a gift.

SPEAKER_01: 36:35

Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, and I've done the same kind of personal development stuff too. So I I once again wholeheartedly agree, but just in case the listeners don't and you want to find this out, it's definitely helpful.

SPEAKER_00: 36:47

Um it takes a little courage, takes a little courage to get on a call like this. Everybody's all nervous, right? Because they heard me on the radio or they saw a podcast and all of a sudden, like face to face with a guy. But it's good, you know, if you're gonna if you're gonna dig a little bit, if you want the quality of life that you want, just you have to step in. And stepping is always uncomfortable. But you know, what else are you gonna do all day? Like, what else do you have to do, but like improve your life and go for your dreams and peel the onion on what it is that you know what's that freaking loop that you get stuck on? Like it's insane.

SPEAKER_01: 37:19

So yeah, so I'm just gonna have you do final comments and then we'll end so people can definitely reach out to you after this as well. I'll put it in the description, your website you mentioned.

SPEAKER_00: 37:31

And I have that website if you, you know, this I have a um website, ProjectHequinox.net. Um, I have at Project Equinox on Instagram. So you have all these links if you could put below. There's a bunch of ways to see what I'm up to. I have a Facebook, a big Facebook, uh free Facebook. It's private, so you have to uh ask to be to join in. But it's I teach on there, it's anyway. So there's a bunch of ways to stick around and even join my community of incredible women who want to know how this all works, you know. And um, a lot of people are struggling with the cultural pulse, right? The tidal wave in our culture of you know, go girl and put men behind you, Houston. We have a problem, there's another way, you know, again, more nature-based. Um that's what I'm offering. And what I teach is what is it, you know, how to build a long-term healthy, loving relationship dynamic. That's it. You know, if you want to have fun, if you want to hook up, that's not, I'm not that guy, you know what I mean? And have no judgments. You want to, you don't want to have fun, you want to throw, you know, caution to the wind, you want to do, you know, you want to be hedonistic, I called it, like you just have fun, that's fine, that's totally fine. I teach how to build something solid. Foundation for a relationship is essential. You don't build the house on stick in the sand on the beach. You need a foundation. There's an ABC to this, again, basic nature, that it's easy when you understand it, easy. You know, we have to know how, and we don't know how. So there's a way, there's a way to do this, is you know, and so my clients reach out to me when they realize that's usually what they say, like, I've been sold a lemon by my culture, by my teachers, by my mother, you know, that you know, my career, you know, like and there's nothing wrong with that in itself, but if you spend too much time on go girl, you know, you struggle later on quickly with relationships. It's always the same. So there's a there's a sweet spot, there's an in-between in that. You know, that's where you want to go to. But you don't want to wait, you don't want to wait till you know, it's too late for you to be able to have the life, the full life that you want. If you want children in a marriage, forget the culture. Forget the idea of that slavery for women, forget, you know, children will ruin your life. Well um for some sure. But most not. You know? And so don't wait till it's too late if you want that in the in the bottom of your heart somewhere, you know. Watch it's very hard to go against a cultural I call it pace, right? Like go girl, go girl, you know, boss babe is fine. All my clients have decided that, you know, they uh by 35 they're tired. They want relationships, they want to slow down, they want men, they want to feel safe, they want connection, they want companionship. Don't wait too long, really, because the longer you wait, the more the pool disappears. Because men men do want to get married, men do want to commit, men do want to build families, but the ones that do that do that in their 30s, typically. So if you wait till 45 to try to look for a relationship, the pool has disappeared. You know, there the men who want to be married are married. True. The ones who are left over, hmm, questionable, and the ones that are divorced have done it, they don't want to do it again. They have their kids, they don't want to do that again, typically, right? Like ladies, do you care? So if you want that, be careful what you buy into and how much time you put into your career, because women who have it all do it the other way. They do it all at the same time, but very purposefully, and that's where the blind spot is. Oh, I just went up a little bit.

SPEAKER_01: 41:23

No, I and and a lot of women need to hear this, and I I think so.

SPEAKER_00: 41:28

Just like to sound the alarm a little bit. Like, don't careful what you follow in the culture, the you know careful what you you know, make sure you're clear what you want, because if you want a more traditional um lifestyle where you feel safe in the relationship with a man, you gotta get that handled. You have to get to work, you have to you have to practice, you gotta step into that actively, you know, as actively as finding a job.

SPEAKER_01: 41:54

So especially if you want your own biological kids. There's a lot of older women that just use donor eggs and other things. But if you're upset that you want your your biological kids, yeah, it's much cheaper too, by the way.

SPEAKER_00: 42:05

You know how much it costs to do that whole thing after 40? Insane, right? Celebrities do it all the time, but they have the money to do it, you know. The rest of it.

SPEAKER_01: 42:13

Yeah, and they don't talk about it too. Like I know we're going off a tangent on that. They don't mention that they're using donor eggs to get pregnant over 40. So the rest of the society thinks, oh, we can still get pregnant.

SPEAKER_00: 42:22

Well, get this. After the age of 40, a woman has only 5% chance of getting pregnant naturally. Five. You know, 35 is the the the ticker. At 35, you like the the tick, tick, tick is present and loud. Now, again, if you don't want kids, who cares? But if you do, if you have that in your in your in the you know, in your gut somewhere, step in, you know, step in. If you don't understand man, then you call me.

SPEAKER_01: 42:48

Yeah, no, I think this is, I mean, I always say this is the best episode. Like, but you know, this is very this is gonna be very helpful for a lot of people, and hopefully some of the younger women didn't get turned off by the beginnings part of this where you know it was very blunt about being a man and a woman and all that, because you know, some of them just they're just set, they're just so sure that you know the girl boss way is the way. Well like you said, if they definitely want kids, then they need to reconsider some of those.

SPEAKER_00: 43:16

Just yeah, I I called it I sound the alarm, like think it through, think it through. Don't wait till every you know, I tell you, I could tell you horror stories of women who wanted all this waiting too long.

SPEAKER_01: 43:25

Yeah, no, I know, I know many myself.

SPEAKER_00: 43:27

Yeah, and it's it's a terrible ending. 51 years old, no kids, no husband, alone, you know, with a few cats, and thinking, what happened to my life? This is not where's the dream? My mother promised me this is gonna be the way to, you know, to the perfect life that you know, having money and a career, my having myself independent, I don't depend on anybody's is the way to win. Oops, oops, like I hundreds of these. They're not happy. That's a terrible thing. So my thing is always, you know, sometimes people call me misogynistic because I'm going, no. I love women. I'm trying to protect all of you from a false belief, really, that's out there. You know, same with men. I work with men, I have a group of my men's group, I help men understand all that stuff as well. I we weaken men so much, we shame them on being either being masculine, they don't know what to do. I so I train, we retrain men into stepping into their power so that women can respect them. Back to nature. So I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01: 44:26

Um, yeah, definitely agree. And I'm so glad you were on. And this is um the second to last episode for season two. I'm gonna have a finale next. But um, yeah, so this hopefully will resonate with a lot of people and take some action. So thank you very much for being on.

SPEAKER_00: 44:42

Absolutely, thank you.

SPEAKER_01: 44:43

And I will I will include the information that we talked about, the different the sites on the landing page and all that.

SPEAKER_00: 44:48

So beautiful.

SPEAKER_01: 44:49

All right, well, thanks again. And if you love this episode, um be sure to rate it and tell your friends about it, especially if they're on that uh cusp of wanting kids but getting up there in age. So all right, thanks again.