Coffee & Career Hour

Dear Me: We Need to Chat

• Armine & Maria Jose • Episode 59

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Picture this: you're sipping on coffee by the fireplace, pondering your next big career move. That's what we’re exploring in this episode—how to carve out time for self-reflection during the busiest season of the year. Tune in as we share creative techniques to have meaningful career conversations with yourself, whether it's through voice memos, vision boards, or just talking to yourself during your daily commute. Discover how these practices can help you assess your career journey and align with your future aspirations, even when life feels like a whirlwind.

We also discuss the power of letting go of past regrets and emotions. Imagine the cathartic release of burning written thoughts during a retreat or flushing away old pages to symbolically free yourself from past burdens. We'll share personal stories and experiences of how such acts can lead to profound self-realization and growth. Hear how these rituals aid in realigning your decisions with your core values and goals, ensuring that every choice you make steers you closer to the person you aspire to become.

As the year draws to a close, it's the perfect moment to reflect on personal growth and evolution. This episode encourages you to ask deep questions about your purpose and values, ensuring your daily actions resonate with your aspirations. With insights on seeking constructive feedback and engaging in honest dialogue, we aim to guide you toward a fulfilling and balanced life. Join us as we wrap up the year with stories and strategies for nurturing contentment across all areas of life.

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Speaker 1:

But you know, there's beauty in that as much as there could be like shame, embarrassment or like just feeling some type of way about who we used to be and how we used to carry ourselves. The beauty is that we're growing and evolving. You are listening to Coffee and Career Hour. We are your hosts. I'm Armina and I'm MJ, two career counselors and friends chatting about all things life and career.

Speaker 2:

So grab a cup of coffee and join us.

Speaker 1:

Hi Armine, Hi MJ, how are you? I'm all right. How are you Cozy? Yeah, it feels cozy today. I hope all the listeners out there are feeling cozy too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, happy holidays to everyone. It's the end of the year, which means it's a lot of different festivities and celebrations, so happy holidays to you, yes yes, and hopefully you are not feeling super drained with all of the festivities, because I know that that can also be.

Speaker 1:

as much as it's exciting, it can also be very draining. So I hope that you find time and space to recharge and re-energize and do what you need to do for yourselves amongst all the chaos.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, and of course, everyone's work, career, industry looks different. So if you have time for yourself this year, this end of the year, in the next couple of weeks, really do take time to rest and be with yourself.

Speaker 1:

We should take our own advice is what I'm thinking.

Speaker 2:

Look, I'm here to prescribe, not to take medication.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, I love it. Yeah, no, we're feeling it too on our end, and so we know that our listeners may be feeling the same, so I think we can all take some time to just be with ourselves.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and that really has brought us to today's episode and what we want to talk about.

Speaker 1:

Yes, such a fun, cool topic. We want to talk about having career conversations with yourself.

Speaker 2:

That sounds actually pretty deep. When we said that the first time off the mic, I was like I felt something, my heart like dropped.

Speaker 1:

Okay, yeah, it can be very intense or deep, but it's kind of a continuation of our previous episode where we talked about career conversations with family around the holidays and around the dinner table or so forth. There's a lot of emotions that can come up around career conversations and today we wanted to extend it to how to have those conversations with yourself, which is a whole different ballgame, yeah and Armin.

Speaker 2:

I think first too is thinking about what they can look like, because the career conversations people tend to think you think of a two-person party. Um, I've seen people like dm me and say you know. Or when I talk about reflections or having a moment to myself or journaling, they'll say you know, I do voice memos on my phone, or I'll look at myself in the mirror and talk to myself, or I will like write to myself in third person or like if I was narrating my life. So I think conversations can happen in a variety of different modes. It also you have to find out what's best for you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, definitely. I mean it could be literally looking in the mirror and giving yourself a reality check or writing what are some ways you like to have conversations with yourself.

Speaker 2:

Okay, don't think that I'm crazy. No, not at all. I talk to myself a lot when I'm driving Out loud, yeah, out loud, out loud, because I'm mindlessly. I mean not mindlessly, I'm completely aware of what I'm doing, but you know, you're sitting there in traffic or on your way. And this happens more so when I'm going home rather than going to work, where I'm kind of just like thinking about whatever happened, if it was like a productive day or anything kind of happened, and I have a lot of conversations and I find myself like going different paths. It's so strange. I'm like how did I start talking about this? And now, like we ended up at, like, my third uncle's, cousin's, brother's, daughter, or something.

Speaker 1:

Okay, yeah, I love it.

Speaker 1:

Hey, I do sometimes out loud, like speak to myself, but I'll do that when I'm processing information that I need to. That may be like, without saying it out loud, it feels like there's a lot of mental noise that I have, so I need to process it by like saying it out loud. So I'll do's a lot of mental noise that I have, so I need to process it by like saying it out loud. So I'll do that sometimes when I'm trying to process information. But in terms of career or general conversations with myself, I would say it must. It has to be some form of like vision boards or like not necessarily journaling, but writing it out in bullet points or something the points that I'm trying to like reflect on.

Speaker 2:

I like that. You gave two different ideas. I I really wholeheartedly want to be the aesthetic of journaling, like I want to be the person that does it every day or every other day. I tried, honestly, I did, I really did at the beginning, and then you know, life happens the last couple of months and you just lose it. Yeah, lose that habit. I really did at the beginning. And then you know, life happens the last couple of months and you just lose it. Yeah, lose that habit. I mean, um, I mean I've lost it a couple of times in the last couple of months, but that's a different story for a different day. But I like that.

Speaker 2:

You said vision boards or some type of physical activity with it. I know you also said bullet journaling, which a lot of people love. Bullet journaling is a really cool form of doing different things. If you have never seen it or try to definitely look it up online, it's very, very cool. But I like that. You said vision boards because it gives you time to reflect on what has happened. But also, I mean it depends on what it's for, but I always think of like future when I think of a vision board.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I've done like different forms. So there's been vision boards where I've done that were like this board represents me, who I am right now. I actually really enjoyed doing that. That was like in my 20s where I was like going through my own self-exploration process and I was like who am I, who do I want to be, and like what are things that represent that right now? So I've done that. I've done future oriented vision boards of like things I want to manifest. But I would say, yeah, those are like my way of having conversations with myself, while also it's like a very reflective and creative process. So I enjoy that.

Speaker 1:

But the bullet journaling is really like it's a very efficient way to get your thoughts on paper without necessarily like dedicating 30, 40 minutes of writing out in your journal, because we know that life can get hectic and, like you shared, sometimes it's hard to like actually sit down and write out in a journal. I actually had a professor in grad school who one time because you know, in counseling and in psychology we learn a lot about like journaling can be very therapeutic and so forth and my counselor, who is a licensed psychologist or therapist he actually was like I don't see the benefit of journaling and that got me thinking, yeah, he's like I don't see how it can help. And I was like, okay, because his approach was very action-oriented. And so that got me thinking about journaling and ever since then I've kind of looked at it in a different way. But there is definitely benefits to it too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's weird because when I process my thoughts I like to do it in spoken form because I don't like to have record of it, because then I feel like the weight is still there, that thing is still there, those emotions that I felt or whatever I wrote about is still there and I haven't moved on from it or healed from it. Interesting like moved on from it or healed from it. So I I've tried it so many years in a row where I always go back and rip out the pages and throw them away because it doesn't feel like it's helpful to me, because those emotions, that heaviness, the dark, the happy, even the happy it feels weird to have that there, almost like a time capsule, and I've never been able to sit right with it. It's so strange to me. So I totally honestly, I really get that and I like that, but that's why I think I've always gravitated more towards spoken. Now that I drive by myself and things like that.

Speaker 1:

Sure, yeah, no, that makes sense. I was going to ask about actually throwing away the pages, because you know there's and it's actually a technique, I should say, and therapy that you may use where you have the person like rip out or burn the paper of thoughts that maybe like they want to let go of these emotions. So I was going to ask if you ever tried like crumbling it up or ripping it up and throwing it away.

Speaker 2:

So, okay, this this is crazy unrelated, but I actually have been to a retreat where I've thrown like in a pit of fire what I wanted to get rid of and what I wanted to let go of. That I mean, of course, everything else in the retreat too, but that was amazing. But you, yes, so I do rip them out, I I I don't cut with scissors, because then I feel like I'm not doing it, something else is cutting it. I know that's that's kind of crazy, um, but I like to physically rip it as much as I can and then toss it somewhere that's not in my home or somewhere there. I like to throw it outside somewhere else. It doesn't have to be a different place, but I just feel like then it's still there.

Speaker 1:

Okay, yeah, no, there's like energy around it, yeah, so I think burning is a really great way to get rid of that the energetic side of it. What I used to do was I would rip it out and flush it down the toilet. Okay, but part of that was because I was like I don't want to throw out the ripped out pieces of paper in the trash, in case anyone ever comes across them and like sees what I wrote. So it was like a safety net of let's flush this down the toilet. That's hilarious.

Speaker 2:

I mean, that's a great way of getting rid of something, though. Yeah, no, seriously, then it's gone, for sure, yeah. I love that.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, it's so interesting Like there's so many different ways that you can have conversations with yourself right and ultimately, the goal is to reflect and process whatever topic and information you're thinking about yeah, and I will one.

Speaker 2:

And now I'm curious have you kept every vision board you've ever made?

Speaker 1:

yes, I did. I might have thrown them out in my last move, but up until my last, my previous apartment I did have them all.

Speaker 2:

Okay, yeah, I love that, and I'm sure you saw different chapters of who you were.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh. Yeah, some of them are funny. Like when I look back I'm like oh my gosh, that seems childish. Like how did I even put that on there? But hey, that was, that was what was real to me at that time you know.

Speaker 2:

And you mentioned talking. Well, you were saying things about who you were in that moment then there and being present. And it's very important to be present with who you are when you're having these conversations, because it's so easy to kind of avoid the obvious and the real.

Speaker 1:

No for sure. I mean. That's ultimately the goal of these inner conversations or reflections. Right Is who am I right now, who do I want to be and where are the gaps? Right? Or you may not know who you want to be, but like being aware of who you are now and how are you living your life now? Is it aligned with your values? Is it aligned with your purpose? How do you feel on a day-to-day basis and, like the actions that you're taking, do they represent who you want to be?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's when you were talking. I was thinking about how everyone life, of course looks different, but how different situations you're placed in or different identities that you have also can get in the way of who you are and who you want to become.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, because sometimes we have to do things that are needed to be done because we are playing a particular role or we need to do this task for various reasons, but that you, we may feel like it is taking up time and space in our lives and getting in the way of the things that we actually want to do. And that's actually where those conversations with ourselves are really important is like, okay, do I need to make any shifts? Can I, at this time, make shifts? Or maybe I can see it in the bigger picture of things, like I need to be doing this right now, but that doesn't have to be the forever yeah, yeah, it's sacrifices that you make.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, it's crazy, I'm, I'm thinking. I'm thinking about a particular person who I know their story about coming to the US and the major life decision of do I take an opportunity and can have an education and things like that, or do I stay close to home in the US, where they were, and do I kind of just live my life like this and figure it out. And I'm it reminded me because recently the person was telling me about how they have thought a lot about that decision and what life could look like if they would have made the opposite choice uh-huh, like you mean not moving to, not moving away um to gain an education and basically have a better life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know that's so tapping into, like regret or questioning decisions, which all regret is such a heavy weight to have on on your shoulders. But it's natural, I think, for human beings to, you know, think back like, did I make the right choice and what would life look like if I had made it a different choice? And it's like maybe the smallest choice that you never realize how much of an impact it has on your life until you think about it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I this. I'm not even gonna tell you the decision I made because it's so unrelated and silly, but I recently was thinking about something. I was like wait, current me really enjoys this, really likes this, is oh, totally okay with this, but I think in the future I'm not gonna like the decision if I go with it this way. So I'm going to not I'm going to do what I believe future me would be proud of and what she would prefer, rather than what the present me is. And that's like that's super weird, for I don't think future like that, but I did that's not weird, that's so I don't want.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if I should say like mature or so thoughtful. I don't think most people think in that sense of like future me and how would I look back on this decision today. So so yeah, that's really mature and like really thoughtful of you to do. That's amazing that you have the ability to even do that. But I think that's a great way to you know, assess our decisions, assess where we're at in life right now and like if I'm going to make this move big or small, looking forward 10 years from now, when I look back, how am I going to feel about this decision?

Speaker 2:

Do. Looking forward 10 years from now, when I look back, how am I going to feel about this decision? Do you also indulge on your favorite cup of coffee during our show? We want to share something to delight any coffee lover this holiday season Unique coffee-themed merchandise.

Speaker 1:

I'm so in. I'm always looking for unique gifts, and coffee-themed items are always a hit.

Speaker 2:

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Speaker 1:

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Speaker 2:

It was so cute the first time I was scrolling through it, as I'm always thinking about coffee-related gifts for my colleagues because, of course, they're all huge coffee fans.

Speaker 1:

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Speaker 2:

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Speaker 1:

Absolutely Happy holidays everyone, and thank you for listening to the Coffee and Career Hour podcast. Now let's get back to our episode.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think, when it comes to career, a lot of the time we get in that we're stuck in the heat of the moment. Right, I got to make a quick decision to take this job or not take this job, or turn down this or not go to this event. And I mean happenstance exists in every part of our lives and it really does impact how your life can look, but also it leaves you with that feeling of you know what could have been, what should have been, what could I have done?

Speaker 1:

I had one of my supervisors when I was a grad intern once say don't think too much about what should have, could have would have happened, just let things be as where they are now and moving forward. And I thought that was very like releasing of like that heavy weight that we could hold on our shoulders, because there's always going to be the. If I made this choice, it could have looked like this, but you never know actually how it could have ended up being how to make different decisions.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm thinking about students, clients, just people I've worked with in the past, like like things like grad school do I apply for this job. Do I take this opportunity? Do I take a gap year? What do I do? I hate my job. Do I quit? No, but I have income and all of the like, the micro, what feel later on like micro decisions, macro decisions now, and how that does really hold a lot of weight for people.

Speaker 1:

No, it truly does. Recently, one of the students I work with was sharing about two potential internship opportunities upcoming for summer and one being like closer to home so they didn't have to pay rent, while the other one was further out so they had to move and pay rent. But one of them was more aligned with their long-term career goals while the other one paid better. So it was like so many different things where it's encompassing, like what are your immediate needs now?

Speaker 2:

What are?

Speaker 1:

your long-term goals. And like is this internship? Do you want it to serve your immediate goals or do you want it to serve your long-term goals? You know and how do you choose.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, it's crazy because I'm thinking about, like, how we're all in different phases of career development and how that thought process is going to look different depending on where you are in your life and in your career. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh my gosh, I know it's very.

Speaker 1:

this stuff gets deep.

Speaker 2:

You know, you have me thinking about where I am and what I'm doing and where. Where I want to be, when do you want to be? I don't know. I got to sit down and listen to this and go drive home and talk to myself, because I have no idea right now.

Speaker 1:

I'm just living life every day. I love it, you know. I think sometimes we have to do that too because, honestly, yes, as much as, as counselors, we encourage everyone to continue to like, always be reflecting, always be thinking about, you know, is my daily life aligned with my goals and my passions, and so forth. Well, all that is great, and as we're coming to the end of the calendar year and the holiday season, it's a natural time to be reflecting, but at the same time, sometimes it's just overdoing it, like too much of a good thing is not a good thing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I agree, you don't want to overdo it.

Speaker 1:

You got to let go sometimes and just let life flow, I agree.

Speaker 2:

I agree when we're thinking about this topic, it invites people to be an overthinker, to get overwhelmed, have a lot of anxiety and have analysis paralysis, feeling really stuck and not really know what direction to pursue, or overthink their current decisions or their life or the choices they've made up until this point, and it can be very, very dangerous.

Speaker 1:

Sure, it could take someone into a spiral yeah you know of like, oh my gosh, we're questioning everything from childhood up until now and and then like not knowing where you're gonna be five to ten years from now. That stuff is already anxiety provoking and then, like us, encouraging folks to continue to reflect could just encourage that anxiety even more. So we do want to also balance it out with letting go and letting life happen, and sometimes it's just a matter of like knowing that these tools exist, but knowing when you need to step away and for your own well-being and your own mental health?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. I think also there's um with this topic. There's a level of acceptance that you have to have yeah, and being okay, right, not okay as in okay the letters, but like okay why? Like okay? Because you can't you can't go back and change things or you can't feel any type of way for the decisions you've made, because that was the right decision for you in that moment and you have to be accepting of that. I think what we can do is learn a lot also from who we are now and who we want to be and where we were. As much as we want to let that go too.

Speaker 1:

Yeah yeah. It's a fine dance between the past version of ourselves, the future version, present version, and being mindful. I think the message here is like being mindful, being intentional about the decisions that we make and reflecting on how each decision impacts our lives and our goals, but at the same time, like the theory of happenstance, letting life happen to and being open to those unplanned experiences as well.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're making me think about like different colleagues and different peers and friends that I've had in different, I guess, eras in my life so far, and how different each of them know me and how I've looked back and and have really reflected on I'm such a different person and the people who know me now know the true version of I, of who I am and what the purpose of what I feel my life is, versus the people who I grew up with or share different parts of my beginning of my career.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, I feel that way a lot too, where sometimes I'm like people who knew me like 10, 15 years ago. I'm like I'm not that person anymore in many different ways, right, because we grow, we evolve Sometimes. Actually, one of my students she said it really lovely in one of her law school essays she was talking about reflecting on herself when she was younger, like maybe adolescence, and she talked about embarrassment, like of her girlhood. And when I read that I just like I smiled, I chuckled because I resonated so much with that of like thinking, of situations where it's like, oh gosh, like that is so not me right now, but that was us back then. You know, and I think the beauty in that is that we have evolved and we can look back and think, okay, we've grown, we've changed. That's how it should be right, you don't want to be the same person that you were 10 years ago.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh God. No, I do not want to be who I was 10 years ago at all um a lot has changed in 10 years, but it really does make me think like what about 10 years from now?

Speaker 1:

yeah, I know that's crazy, I'm scared.

Speaker 2:

I don't want to be 10 years from now yet.

Speaker 1:

Well, 10 years from now, we're gonna have the robots take over. I'm gonna journal about that. Yes, oh gosh, we'll be listening to our podcast episodes and thinking about you know when humans used to make podcasts?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I know, that's what we're thinking we're going to make silly us. Yeah yeah, oh man. But you know, there's beauty in that as much as there could be like shame, embarrassment or like just feeling some type of way about who we used to be and how we used to carry ourselves. The beauty is that we're growing and evolving and I think that's a beautiful thing to experience absolutely.

Speaker 2:

Whatever form of journal, we'll just call it journaling. Reflection, let's call it reflection. Whatever form of reflection you choose to take, make sure it's also most authentic to you yeah um do with what it, whatever you want with it, really take the time.

Speaker 2:

We want to encourage you to take the time to look back on who you, who you are right and, and, as we're coming to a natural end in the year of 2024, people always take this time to kind of look back um how they change. How did they start the year? Where did they get in March, for example, in the summer, and moments, events, programs, life experiences, situations good, positive, negative, neutral all of the things um to take a kind of like a deeper look into where you are and who you are now and what's important to you. What's changed? Priorities I always, I always like to think of priorities. How have my priorities changed?

Speaker 1:

what are my priorities and where, where I am, and all of the different columns that I have, mentally too yeah, yeah, those are things we encourage as as the year is coming to an end and some questions we actually uh, or prompts, I should say that we want to provide, as you're reflecting, in whatever form that works best for you. Some questions you can think about are what is my purpose right now in my life? What are my values at this time in my life? Values do shift. There may be certain core values that stick with us throughout life, but there are a set of value systems that can shift as we take on new roles in our lives and as we grow and evolve as human beings.

Speaker 1:

So what are your current values, and is the way I am living my life aligned with my values? I think that's one that can get pretty deep, because it's those little decisions we make on a day-to-day basis that shape our day. And then, does that actually take us closer to our true purpose, our values? Does that take us closer to the person we want to be, or are there any changes I need to make in the way that I'm living my life to get me closer to the person I want to become?

Speaker 2:

Right, and that one's inviting like constructive criticism for yourself, right. That doesn't mean like be a Debbie Downer on everything that you do or who you are, but really take the time to critically analyze, like who and what you are and where you want to be and what could you change.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it could even be having these conversations with somebody else, right? Somebody who's close to you, who knows you, somebody who lives with you, perhaps, who kind of sees the minor decisions that you make on a day-to-day basis and how that kind of impacts you or shapes you. So it could be. If there is a safe person and a safe space that you can have these conversations with, that might be helpful as well, because then you're getting another person's feedback and perspective. That might be. It helps to get that from an objective outside of our own minds, right, but that is one way. Otherwise, you can have these conversations with yourself as well. And the last question am I content with where I am in life?

Speaker 2:

I guess that's the real honest question for yourself.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so the ultimate goal is to be content right. My goal is to be content right and feel like the things that you are doing today, at this time, are contributing to your well-being as a person in different facets of your life. So, thinking about it and the different areas of your life, and are they contributing to your fulfillment and your happiness?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, having a balanced life is having a beautiful life.

Speaker 1:

That's beautiful. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoy our show, we ask that you write a review on Apple Podcasts to help us reach more people looking to level up their career.

Speaker 2:

Want to connect with us, be sure to follow our Instagram and websites.

Speaker 1:

Follow Career Rise on Instagram for career advice and motivation to help you stay up to date on all things career. Be sure to also visit my website, careerriseorg, to book a session with me and access free resources.

Speaker 2:

My goal is to help you clarify your goals, make a plan and feel confident in your career journey follow career confident latina for your weekly dose of career advice and my journey as a first gen Latina counselor. You can also send me a message on MJ career confidencecom If you want to book a career counseling session. I want to help grow your confidence as you reach your career dreams.