Episode 206: Milam Miller - How to Use the "Ted Lasso" Method to Negotiate High-Stakes Deals

Rizz might be the word of the year, but what if the real power behind it is as old as leadership itself? We sit down with Mylan Miller, author of The Charisma Craft, to unpack why charisma isn’t a mysterious spark you’re born with—it’s a learnable practice that blends confidence with kindness to create two-way human connection. From the psychology of competence and warmth to the tiny physical cues that change how you’re perceived, we map charisma from slang to strategy.

Mylan takes us inside the high-octane world of sports and entertainment to show how deals are actually won: not by pressure in the boardroom, but by curiosity over dinners, market walks, and shared stories. You’ll hear how reading the room across cultures, asking better questions, and remembering what matters to people can transform a pitch into a partnership. We dig into barriers like self-doubt and fragile self-trust, then counter them with simple, repeatable tools: the ENT method for eye contact and listening, and the WTF reset for grounded posture. These habits don’t just look good on camera—they build trust you can renew.

We also wrestle with authenticity in the age of AI. What’s real connection versus performative oversharing? How do you stay human when templates and prompts are everywhere? Mylan’s take is clear: technology can suggest words, but only you can sense the unsaid, calibrate tone, and turn a moment into momentum. Along the way, we explore leadership archetypes, celebrate models like Serena Williams for warrior-level authenticity, and reframe charisma as service, not spotlight.

If you’re ready to upgrade your presence, close smarter deals, and lead in a way people actually feel, hit play. Then subscribe, share this with a friend who leads, and leave a quick review to tell us which tool you’ll practice first.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 Milam Miller👇
➡️ 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐝𝐈𝐧 (primary): https://www.linkedin.com/in/milam-miller-bck/
➡️ 𝐖𝐞𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞: https://beconfidentandkind.com/

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Transcript

Riz And The Roots Of Charisma

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I wanted to know what is going on that this word Riz is resonating with people. And so when I got into the research, I discovered that Riz started as uh internet slang, uh particularly in gaming culture. That Riz was like your ability to charm up uh a romantic partner or it's your style factor. And I loved that take by a Gen Z uh individual, but it made me curious about what really charisma is and what's been lost, that we think charisma is only just to charm or to have style.

Meet Mylan Miller And His Mission

SPEAKER_01 0:46

It's unfortunate because we've already been talking for 15 minutes before hitting the record button, and I hope we haven't used up all the good stuff. But Mylan Miller is the author of the Charisma Craft, and it's a book he's ready to talk to us about today. He spent over 15 years in the high octane world of sports and entertainment. We'll talk about that a little bit in terms of how he's negotiated some high-stake uh deals and things like that that have gone on. But he also believes that charisma isn't something you're born with. It's actually a craft that you can build, hence the name of his book. Today he's here to show us how to combine the strength of confidence with the power of kindness to become an uncommon leader, folks. Milo Miller, welcome to the Uncommon Leader Podcast. How are you doing today?

SPEAKER_00 1:25

John, thank you for having me. I'm doing so well despite a winter storm that's set to come through Dallas, Texas. But I'm I'm happy to be in conversation with you.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

I appreciate you hanging with us. I mean, as we record this, folks, this is the uh it's not a nor'easter anymore because it's coming across the U.S. It's about to punish the Midwest and actually get ice and snow all the way over here to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. And it won't matter if it gets to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, because you can't go to Home Depot and buy shovels and rock salt because they just don't sell it in this area. So it's not something we're going to be able to find for sure. But I'm excited about having, I'm glad you stuck around and had the conversation with us, Milan, today. So let's get let's jump right in. I want to know, uh, after I've kind of jumped through your book, what is the Riz factor? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Ooh. Well, let me put that question right back on you. I want to make this interactive. Had you ever heard the word Riz before, John? And if so, when do you first recall hearing it? And what was your initial impressions of that word?

SPEAKER_01 2:21

So I the only uh context I have with Riz is basically a few people that I know with the last name Rizzo. So there's a baseball player certainly named Rizzo. I went to high school with a guy named Rizzo, and I currently work with a guy in consulting whose last name is Rizzo. I don't know if they still call him Riz or not, but that's where I have that. So other than that, I've not really heard the word Riz before.

Healthy Charisma: Two-Way Connection

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Well, fair. And I love you sharing that. I feel like those guys are lucky that they have such a cool last name, whereas mine is incredibly generic, just like Smith. Um, but I suppose my first name being so complex, it's probably a good thing I have a standard last name like Miller. Uh what I want to share with you and listeners is that charisma is, or rather, let me back up. Riz is in the root word of charisma. And Riz specifically was the word of the year in 2023, according to Oxford English Languages. And it's very uncommon, John, for a word like Riz to just catapult into our cultural zeitgeist. And uh the only common examples I feel like that are similar to it is we say, I have the flu, which is the middle or root word of influenza, or um, you know, I have a refrigerator or I have a fridge. Fridge is in the middle of refrigerator. So Riz is it's fun to say, right? It's kind of like whenever you're building a brand like Nike, it's got that like he has that sound and Riz has the zzz. Um and I was fascinated when I discovered that this was the word of the year because it beat out other contenders like Swifty, when Taylor Swift was and arguably still is at the height of her career. And I wanted to know what is going on that this word Riz is resonating with people. And so when I got into the research, I discovered that Riz started as uh internet slang, uh particularly in gaming culture. And there's a gentleman uh that was popular on a streaming platform called Twitch where you can game with other people. And he thought that Riz was like your ability to charm up uh a romantic partner or it's your style factor. And I loved that take by a Gen Z uh individual, but it made me curious about what really charisma is and what's been lost, that we think charisma is only just to charm or to have style. So in the charisma craft, I take a new uh angle on what charisma really is, or I should say healthy charisma. And to bottom line it, I say that it's two-way human connection, not one-way attraction. Or in other words, it's about them, it's not about me.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

No, I love that because I mean, if you'd have told me even before kind of going through your book, I would have probably put the word charisma into uh not quite negative connotation, but a little bit on the other side of goodness, being that, to your point, that one-way that folks sometimes with charisma uh almost have this, if that's from a one-way standpoint, unhealthy charisma, maybe as you look at it, might be manipulative. But you're talking about it obviously from a healthy standpoint. You've actually wrote in, excuse me, written. Uh that's a West Virginia word there, wrote in the middle of anything else as we go forward, but written the book, Charisma Craft, and you talk about that risk factor all the way through that. So let's get right there. Who did you write this book for and why did you write this book now?

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Sure. So uh and thank you for sharing that because I do think that we bleed on that belief system of like, is charisma? It's a question, is charisma a good thing or is it a bad thing? Let me be clear. I don't see it as black or white. And healthy charisma is something we should all want to access, and we can, it's an accessible skill. It's something that we should want to embody and something we should want to deploy. That's the framework of my three-part book. Uh, but who I wrote this for was actually for my late grandfather. He was a used car salesman. There were plenty of unfair and negative stereotypes about that profession that they're slimy or sleazy or grease balls that are just trying to sell you a lemon, right? And I learned from my grandfather, who was in the early days of the car business, right? Like commuting up to Detroit by train and then driving cars back down to Texas, that actually charisma is understanding the person you're there to serve. So when I think of the uncommon leader, I think of the uncommon leader who realizes I've been able to uh rise maybe in an organization or build my own business, like my grandfather did. And I certainly did not do that by being fixated or focused solely on me. It was always about them, my customers, uh, the team, my colleagues with whom with whom I lead. Um so I say that a risk factor is actually responsible, or rather, a risk factor is attributable, I should say, to two things. One, how confident are you? And two, how kind are you? And we can go deeper on that framework.

Who The Book Serves And Why

SPEAKER_01 6:50

I can't wait to go deeper, especially because I find some uh fascination talking about the word kind relating it to leadership and how oftentimes those two things don't go well together. But let's pause on the book for one second. Let's just go back just a little bit time. My favorite question for all my first-time guests. There's something that's framed that for you. You talked about your late grandfather in terms of being a role model for you in terms of charisma. But uh tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts, and maybe it's in the charisma space or something else, but still impacts who you are today as a person or as a leader.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Such a beautiful question. I appreciate you asking it, John. There's there's so many examples I want to draw from. Uh, I'm gonna go a little off piece here because I think it will be fun for listeners. I came of age, uh, I'm a millennial. So 9-11 was a big turning point for our country, right, as a as a young child. Uh but prior to that, I will never forget when Bill Clinton uh was accused of having an extramarital affair. And then he famously said, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky. And what I found so fascinating at that time was everyone's like, Bill Clinton is so charismatic. He's so charismatic, he's so charismatic. So I grew up with this belief system, thinking that charisma was a really a one-size-fits-all model. It's presidential, it's white men like you and I. And what I've realized and what I've been able to help uh various clients, former team members, and others with is that charisma is for everyone, right? And whenever it's used uh for good, it actually has the power to bond us as opposed to create division and separation. Um, the best example I think I could give you of somebody that really has stood with me as I've developed and grown is uh similar to Nick, who we both share as a mutual friend and book thinkers, I grew up thinking in order to be cool or to fit in or find a sense of belonging, you need to be good at sports and only that. It's always been a lifelong passion of mine and ultimately became my profession. But when I was about 15, I had a really transformative experience going to uh more or less like a boys' state or a mock you in, a model congress, and ended up joining an organization called the Junior Statesman of America that's now defunct, but it had been around for over a hundred years. And I elevated in that organization as a leader. And that would have not been possible had there not been teachers who mentored and supported and sponsored these conventions we took all across the state of Texas, where I'm based. We'd go to Austin, we go to Dallas, we go to Houston, and then even the more national ones, uh, going to California and DC and elsewhere. Uh so I say that because I had one teacher in particular, she ended up being my speech and debate coach. I'll call her Miss O just for her own privacy. Uh, and she was truly a champion. And I think that everyone in life deserves to have that person. She's undoubtedly charismatic. Why? Because she invested in me and she believed in me and my potential to become the best speaker I could be before I believed it in myself. And someone who's well read like you, John, I imagine you subscribe to this. It's that idea of the power of one. It just takes one person to see you, to hear you, remember you, or most importantly, validate you. And those people are the most charismatic people on the planet.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

I love that. Again, I think the descriptor comes into play then in terms of how you define that charisma. Though even going back to you saying how uh Riz was the word of the year uh in 2023, when you ultimately have your word turned into a verb uh or noun or becomes you've been rised or whatever that is in terms of that activity, uh, you know that it can be pretty powerful. And it's our task as leaders to make sure that it's not taken out of context. Now, you touch on this pretty early in your book about whether or not you were born with charisma. Again, I think this is another purpose for your book, or whether it can be developed. So which is true or not true? Or tell me, can it are you born with it or is it developed?

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Yeah, the answer is you are absolutely not born with it. There are people born with certain personality types that might be better predisposed to developing this skill, but anyone can develop it with what I call care, intention, practice, and refinement. Um, once we become aware of what we're doing and we're careful and intentional with how we develop it, then all we need to do is practice, practice, practice, and then ultimately refine it. And so charisma is again, if you see it as something that can be used for good because it is a powerful tool. I was told it was that one-way magnetic force, but really I like to tell uh listeners and readers it's a two-way energetic exchange. So whenever you're doing good by the other, that that karma factor will come back to you as well.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

Yeah, you think about that, and I love the correlation and some of the similarities that we talked about again before hitting the record button were around sports. And you touched on this already in the recording as well. You've been called, I don't know if that's the right word, the real life Ted Lasso. Where did that uh moniker come from for you? And is it true or not?

Rethinking Charisma Through Early Memories

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Sure, sure, sure. Well, uh, I'll maybe reframe called to like labeled. And historically, John, right, we try to reject labels, like, oh, I don't want anyone to put a label on me. But that was a label that I was number one, really surprised by, two, humbled by. Uh, and actually, even before that, I should say I didn't even know what it meant because I hadn't watched the hit show on Apple TV. But upon watching it, I was like, wow, this, as the kids would say, this slaps, meaning like this really resonates, you know. Uh why? Because I mentioned earlier at a very young age, I had a love for sports. I studied finance in college, John. I'm a proud Longhorn. We talked about that before going live. And I was on campus when Kevin Durant was there, right? Katie still, he just passed Dirk Nowitzki, I think, for sixth on the all-time scoring list. Like he's just continuing to climb the ranks. And uh KD, undeniably a GOAT. I somewhere along the way developed a limiting belief of like, I will never be a KD, right? I'm all five foot eight, but I can work in the business of sport. And I did that, launched my career in New York, never thought I'd leave. It's the melting pot of the world. And then, unbeknownst to me, uh, about five plus years into my career, I got an opportunity to move overseas to England. And growing up in Texas, we know one religion, and that's football, right? We were talking about college football, Arch Manning, NIL era. But somehow I ended up John working in the other kind of football, meaning soccer. So it's a very similar story to Ted Lasso. Uh, mind you, he was a coach. He went from coaching college football to a fictional English Premier League team. I, on the other hand, sat on the commercial side of the business. I was responsible for driving revenue, finding sponsors, but I know what it's like to feel like an outsider. And I think that's what that show really portrays for viewers is that uh you are enough. And that if you really define, develop, and have that ris factor and service to others, which is what Ted Lasso does so well, he's not teaching them how to put a soccer ball on the back of the net, but he's saying, I believe in you. I believe in us, the team, I believe in the community. We're here to inspire and move. And guess what? It works, right? That will effect. So uh I would love to go deeper on the research. I talk about a toolkit in the book, uh, just what Ted Lasso embodies his curiosity, uh, his optimism. But for me, what I found worked for my ris factor was being confident and being kind. And there's research that actually backs that up out of Princeton University from a retired professor now named Susan T. Fiske. She developed the Fisk Lab. And her social stereotype content model says if you're competent in the things you do, and I think that over time, competencies, when we do things over and over and over, those actions develop our confidence because confidence is action-oriented. But also when we're warm, we don't lose sight of our humanity. In other words, we're kind to self and others. That is a formula for being perceived as more charismatic. So I took her social stereotype content model of competence and warmth and then rebranded it with what's worked for me in my career, which is being confident.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

And common leaders. Hope you're enjoying the episode so far. I believe in doing business with people you like and trust and not just a company name. That's why a strong personal brand is essential, whether you're an entrepreneur or a leader within a company. Brand Builders Group, the folks who have been helping me refine my own personal brand, are offering a free consultation call with one of their expert brand strategists. They'll help you identify your uniqueness, craft a compelling story, and develop a step-by-step plan to elevate your impact. So head on over to CoachJongGallagher.com slash BBG, as in brand builders group, to schedule your free call and take the first step toward building a personal brand that gets you noticed for all the right reasons. That's CoachJohnGallagher.com slash BBG. Now, let's get back to the episode. Now, so I'm glad you went there in terms of confident and kind. When I think of the industry that you were in with regards to sports, the work that you had to do with regards to negotiating deals and making those things happen, generally the confident and kind don't come into play with the high-stakes deals that you uh have gone with. How have you used in that space to be successful rather than to be just to use the term walked over in terms of being too kind?

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Yeah, absolutely. It's a brilliant question. And I have a number of case studies, uh, but my favorite case study I like to share, John, is mind you, I was an American living in England, working actually for a Roman football club in Italy. So there was multiple language barriers. I mean, yes, in the UK and US, we both speak English, but we speak it differently. And I don't just mean dialect, I mean like what's being left unsaid, right? Like reading the room, reading between the lines. And then there was an even larger language barrier with my Italian colleagues who are incredibly warm, but also have a reluctancy to not say no. So I quickly developed that working cross-culturally, you've got to develop this skill of charisma to build rapport with others and develop a foundation of trust. And whenever we took various assets that we had available on the road on these road shows and started talking to prospective brand partners, I realized we can't be forceful. We can't show a menu of options and be like, hey, be our front of shirts sponsor. Here's the benefit to you, here's all the ROI you're gonna get. It actually needs to start with curiosity and dialogue. So, what I realized is that uh being assertive or being forceful, like, yeah, you might come across as competent, you know what you're selling, but really at the end of the day, you got to know what your customer wants. And that starts with asking, like, what is it, who is it you're trying to reach? Uh, how are you currently reaching them? What's a way you could leverage sport uh as a medium to better reach them? And then let's partner together and co-define a package, as opposed to me trying to sell something or push it down your throat. That became incredibly evident whenever we went to the Middle East. We flew to Doha Qatar, thinking that we had this spiffy business case and all these options and we're gonna be in the boardroom and out. And we ended up staying a full week. The deal never got done in the boardroom. I tell everyone, it got done in the Souks, it got done over dinner, right? Smoking hookah. It was really meeting them on a human level and understanding what are you trying to do to promote the good of the country ahead of the World Cup in 2022? And how can you leverage us as a team in Rome, a major market with uh a major global airport to drive that narrative forward? Uh, had we not been as curious and developed that dialogue, that deal would have never happened. So the confidence really came from being uh an active listener, right? And being patient and developing the data to inform the business case. And the kindness, you can't lose sight of that because I really think those soft skills is what crystallizes the deal, or when it comes time to renew it and enhance it. Remembering people's children's names, what's important to them, where they traveled to. Uh, they feel like they're doing a deal with somebody that has their back, not somebody that's trying to use them.

Can Charisma Be Learned?

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Love that. And even using the word curious and talking about going all the way back to Ted Lasso, it seems to be the scene that is most played as a meme or as a reel on Instagram, whatever it ends up being called, uh, is the scene when they're playing darts. And he says, be curious, not judgmental, uh, in terms of uh understanding that. And when I think about that success factor, and if charisma can be developed, or it's a craft that can be developed, uh it's something that you're teaching in your book that you're teaching other leaders as well. What do you think is the maybe there's one or two things that get in the way from leaders developing that? You mentioned that maybe trying to be forceful, but what do you think are the one or two biggest barriers that keep them from having healthy charisma?

SPEAKER_00 18:53

Absolutely. Barrier number one is self-doubt. And I'm sitting with that power of the pause for a reason because we as humans, we get in our own way. As someone who loves personal development, like me, we start to doubt ourselves. Well, I'm not gonna have what he has, or I'll never look like her, or this or that. You got to really develop a strong sense of self, number one. And then the second part of it that gets in the way is remembering that strong sense of self, or in other words, self-trust. So we've got to maintain self-trust as we're continuing to evolve and change, figure out what works with certain people. It's not a one-size-fits-all model. It might not work with others. So I tend to be very extroverted. I'm an enthusiastic guy, John. Never met a stranger. Sometimes I have to tone down my enthusiasm or my zeal when I'm around people who portrays a bit more introverted or a bit more guarded or reserved, and know that like the way in which I can connect with them might not look the same with somebody else that I could sit and chat with for hours. So really not doubting yourself and trusting yourself are the two barriers that I think anyone needs to get over in developing really any skill, right? Because it's easy to get discouraged and we the doubt creeps back in, or we no longer trust ourselves. It's been a long time since I've swung a baseball bat. I'll never hit it over the fence ever again. The only way you're gonna do that is if you try and keep starting.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Right. Absolutely. No, I love that in terms of the, especially on that self-doubt side, in terms of recognizing the gap. Now, moving, let's say if there's a gap that you've got to close or a barrier that you've got to overcome, your book, I love how set up in the three parts and ultimately leads into the the tools in part three to build that craft of charisma. I love some of the acronyms that you have in there in terms of engage your ENT or uh visualization technique that you have. What's one of the favorite tools that you like to use to teach to help folks to overcome some of those barriers?

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Sure. I'll use the ENT method since you reference it. That's an easy moniker for listeners to remember because if, like me, you've ever been to an ear, nose, and throat doctor, you'll know that we're referring to uh the head, right? Or someone's face. You and I are talking in a Zoom environment. I need to be staring at the green dot more than I am, admittedly, John. If we're in person, I'm looking right here in your third eye center, or in other words, engaging in eye contact between the ears. Science tells us we can't look at somebody's both of their pupils at the same time. We can only stare at one. And it also tells us if we look up here, we think we're having a bad hair day. If we look at someone's chin, uh, they think something might be in their teeth. So it's a really easy way to like look at uh being a yogi myself, someone's third eye center. You want to nod moderately from the nose, which you've been doing brilliantly, this whole uh video call, and then trade smiles and sounds from the throat. And this is where I have to constantly coach myself because as someone who's enthusiastic, I'm really eager, right? An eager beaver John to be like, absolutely, or me too, and have all these affirming words that are well intentioned, but it kind of takes away from the impact you want to have on the other person of I hear you, I see you, and just nodding moderately from the nose and trading those smiles and sounds from the throat, indicating I see you.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

So good. I did you notice that by the way? That was one of those sounds I say that. That's so good is something I learned when I moved to South Carolina and at church on Sunday mornings when the pastor was. Was reaching, there was a guy in the front row that was one of his favorite responses. He'd just say, So good. That's so good. Uh, in terms of recognizing what was happening and giving it the attention that it deserves. So I love those three things. Look, I gotta ask about one more though, sure, just because it sticks out, and that's the WTF technique. Now, I mean that everybody sees that and they know uh what those three letters normally stand for. What do they stand for for you? Totally.

The Ted Lasso Label And Lessons

SPEAKER_00 22:25

So WTF, what the F, right? Um sometimes we lose mindfulness of what our lower body is doing. This helped a client who uh was a golfer and he was very aware of what he was doing when he was playing the game of golf, but he'd get in the office and he'd have this really standoffish position, which he didn't mean to, but being a finance guy, highly analytical, he'd be behind screens. So the WTF method basically stands for watch your hips whenever you're standing in a social setting. Are they swaying? Do you know what you what they're doing? You also want to, I'm forgetting what T means, but good thing I have my uh thing.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

Yeah, there you go. You got your sticky notes.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Good thing I have my sticky notes right here, uh, because I'm you I'm getting a little pop quiz on my T, which is think about your knees, right? We don't want to lock them out. There it is. But I'll never forget F, which is feel firmly into your feet. Sometimes our feet are indicators of if they're pointing towards the door, it indicates like we want to get out of here. Like, where's the nearest exit sign? And so this client in particular who would be behind his dual monitors at the office, helping him remember WTF, what is my lower body doing, would have him literally physically turn. So his hips, knees, and feet were oriented towards the other person, just as if he were about to tee off on the T box. So uh watch what your hips are doing, think about your knees. We don't want to lock them out. Nobody wants to faint at a social setting and be embarrassed, and then most importantly, plant firmly into your feet. Uh, I have a tendency sometimes to prop my toe up and I almost look like you know, I'm about to ponder something or uh like I'm gonna break out into an Irish jig. And I've had to learn like, hey, a confident posture is like I'm standing here.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

So I I love the uh again that they become there's a couple more in there, folks, that you gotta uh think through. The other thing you talk about actually in terms of helping them out is the archetypes as well. You've got the uh the warrior, the maestro, the maverick, the icon, the seeker, the snowman. I don't want you to talk about each one, but you relate them to sports figures as well. So who's your favorite sports figure to attach one of those, excuse me, attach one of those archetypes to?

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Yeah, I love all athletes. Like I think it's easy to be a critic of athletes, but I choose to be a fan because I think what they do is so grueling and repetitive and requires an incredible amount of grit and discipline. Um, so I develop those archetypes based on a framework of really what we want to embody to develop our charisma craft is the ABCs. And those ABCs stands for you want to be as authentic as you can possibly be, because we can smell in authenticity and it's not resonant. It doesn't breed trust, which is ultimately what we're trying to do. You also want to be bold because when we see boldness and the bravery that sits behind it, we actually celebrate it. It inspires us to play bigger. And then most importantly, we want to be curious about self and others, just like I talk about on my kindness piece, because we're all humans, we're all flawed. Um, nobody, even all the all-time greats, Tom Brady, et cetera, nobody's perfect. So uh the athlete that I love to talk about, and it's controversial, and I think anything that is uh worth talking about should be controversial to some extent, is Serena Williams. Because I think uh her stereotype or the stigma about her is that uh she was more, say, aggressive than she was assertive. But whenever we strip back the judgment, I realize that she really has this warrior mentality as a black female on earth and had to come overcome so much adversity to uh break Steffi Groff's record of the most uh championships in the open era. She unfortunately didn't reach Margaret Court, but I think people still would say she's one of the greatest athletes of all time. And to take it a step further, it's not just about her performance on the court, it's the brand she's developed often. And that's because she is so authentically herself. She will be in a Beyonce music video or at the halftime Super Bowl show with Kendrick Lamar and isn't afraid to now go and be a spokesperson for Roe about GLP ones and talk about her weight loss journey as somebody who is an elite athlete at the highest sense, like not being able to shed weight after her pregnancy. So for any readers that uh maybe relate to those aspects of her story, my challenge to them is to embody your inner warrior, that archetype. How can you call on Serena to be more authentic in your day-to-day life? And the last thing I'll say too, John, is I wanted to provide my readers with both a female example and male example. So across those ABCs, you have Serena and then Roger Fetter is the other example, as well as others in the chapters that follow.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Love that. Roger Fetter, a huge example of uh certainly those uh authenticity and boldness uh charisma. I would absolutely put both of those two uh into that space. Now, this authentic word uh in the way of excuse me, in the day of AI, how can we be uh both authentic and have healthy charisma? And now you know we have to worry about AI as well. Totally.

Confidence And Kindness Research

SPEAKER_00 27:01

It's such a new era, and I don't know if I have uh the right answer yet. I feel like I'm still uh pondering a lot of these questions, but what I want to remind listeners of is AI can tell you maybe what it appears like to be charismatic or what to do, but I think it misses a lot of nuance of how to do it, and that's really on us as human beings to not lose our touch, right? That human edge of what does it look like to really have an authentic conversation or to show up in the world authentically. I recently saw new thought leadership about authenticity being out because there is a distinction between being authentic, which is real, in relatable, um, truly vulnerable, as opposed to just oversharing. And that's not vulnerability. If you're not afraid to share it or does it cause a little bit of discomfort, then that's not vulnerability. That's just being an open book. And so this idea of we don't want authenticity to uh to be completely polished and like I'm this perfect facade because we're not robots, but we also don't want it to be so messy and unstructured that it's like, hey, like go take care of yourself before you show up online, right? Like go, go, go take care of that IRL, talk to a friend, talk to whoever it is, someone that can support you. And so I just want authenticity. It's I can't define what it is in the book, but we often, like I said, know what it is not. And so uh before you talk to your AI best friend who's gonna affirm you, talk to those people that have really known you in different seasons of life and ask them who you were, who you are now, and share who you want to become and how you think you can best become that. Those are the type of people that will be honest with you about your charisma craft.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

Love that, love that. I have to ask this question. Uh you said it just a little while back, uh, just as we have a couple of fun questions. Have you ever used this slaps uh in a regular conversation? Because you said uh the kids today, I that's the first time I had heard that. I've heard uh I'm down from my you know mid-20s sons, anyways, say I'm down, but this slaps I'd not heard before. Where did that come from?

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Again, John Gen Z slang. I'm more like your sons, a little bit older than them, uh also saying I'm down. I try to stay hip and current, I should say. Um and I have used it in a sentence, I don't think I've ever said it on a podcast. So, first time for everything. And I can tell you right now, I've enjoyed our conversation. I it slaps. You and I, I know could go a million different directions for hours and we'd use it.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

All right, so you're into it today, you're into sports as well. Um, you've been uh introduced, okay, as the leader of the year. What's your walk-up song that you're being in that you're that you're going up to uh when you walk up on stage?

SPEAKER_00 29:33

I love the idea of walk-up songs, and this is really gonna age me as a millennial, but I'm a huge Jay-Z guy. I love, I think Jay-Z and Beyonce can do no wrong when it comes to their artistry. So it would probably be allow me to reintroduce myself because I'm constantly changing, I'm constantly evolving. And I think that that's an anthem that is truly time-like.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Love that. I'll have to look that song up because I don't think I've ever heard it there. I am showing my age here a little bit, myelum. So I probably heard it, just don't know what the words are or anything else as you go forward. Hey, no, I've enjoyed this conversation as well. And I'm looking at it, can't believe how fast uh as I knew it would, the time has gone within our conversation. When I think about your book, um, and again, the time that you've invested in it already, releasing it a few months back, folks still need to be uh learning about it. Where do they learn more about you, Mylam? And where where do you want them to go to kind of get the book?

SPEAKER_00 30:22

Absolutely. I appreciate you asking. My book, The Charisma Craft, a modern leadership guide to enhance your res factor, is available on Amazon worldwide. It's also available there on audiobook through Audible. And if they want to learn more about me, please find me on LinkedIn and connect. My only ask of you is this be human, be relational. I think you have up to 150 characters and have a premium profile. Write my name. I talk about it in the book. The most important thing you can do is remember somebody's name. It's the sweetest out of any language. Shout out to Dale Carnegie. So write my name. Hey, Mylam, uh, pay it forward. Say I heard you on John Gallagher's podcast, The Uncommon Leader, and I'd love to connect with you and your work in the world. And I promise you, I will reply. I will respond to you. And that's the first, hopefully, of many conversations we can continue to have.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

I think that'd be great. Melam, you have been an absolute great guest, and I know the listeners of the Uncommon Leader podcast are going to find great value in it. I'm going to give you the last word, like I do with all my first-time guests. And I told you I'm going to give you a billboard. Maybe in your day, it's not a billboard, it's a sticky note, okay, that you can put on everybody's refrigerator. You can write any message you want to on that sticky note or put it on their fridge, because that's the middle of the word. Uh you can put any message you want to on that sticky note. What's the message you put on there and why?

Ad Break: Personal Branding Offer

SPEAKER_00 31:37

This one is so easy, thankfully. You're you're not putting me in the hot seat. It's confidence plus kindness equals healthy charisma. Remember that, and you'll continue to build healthy relationships and sustain them for more success across various areas of your life.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Love that. Milo, thanks so much for being a guest on the Uncommon Leader Podcast. Wish you the best. Hey, weather-wise, I hope everything goes well there also. But uh, including going forward in your uh steps of the leadership journey, you got a ways to go. That's a good thing. Thank you, John. I appreciate you. Hey, Uncommon Leaders, you made it all the way through. I really enjoyed that conversation with Milo Miller. Picked up a couple new words that I didn't know about. I like interviewing some of the uh folks from that generation, no doubt, uh and learning more how it can make an impact. But I loved how we really talked about healthy charisma and what that means to him, some of the tools that uh he believes can help us to develop healthy charisma. So I hope you enjoyed the conversation. If you listened in and you heard uh something that you think somebody else would find value in, please share the episode. That's the best way we can get it in the hands of even more uncommon leaders like yourself. Or feel free to go out on Apple and Spotify and give us a five star rating. We'd love that and appreciate that. Until next time, go and grow champions.