Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 12 - The Toxic Text Messages Part 3

This is episode 12 of Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro, an ongoing deep dive investigation into the world of Dutch spiritual influencer Bentinho Massaro and the people inside it.

Gaby Petris Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/@UCvHpiQAiTKxoodufKO5_Viw

The text messages continue. This episode is mostly Jade Alectra’s, and what you're going to see is her mind and her instincts getting dismantled in real time. The sequence involving pillows alone is a masterclass in how intermittent reinforcement works. She's given a task, she does it, the instruction changes, she corrects, he criticizes the correction, then pivots to accusing her of performing. There is no way to win. By design.

But we start before that, with a group chat Jade wasn't even in. Before she's properly settled, Bentinho is already coaching the inner circle on how to perceive her, manage their doubts about his interest in her, and frame what he's doing as spiritual work. One of the reasons he wanted her there? Her connection to someone with tens of millions of social media followers. She didn't find out this chat existed until months after she left.

Then there's the line. In his own words, to his inner circle: "I may f*ck one into freedom and patiently ignore the other into freedom for years." Not interpretation. Not out of context. A spiritual teacher describing his methodology.

There's also a moment where Jade reveals he never disclosed he had herpes, and the group discusses how the inner circle was essentially mobilized to keep him calm enough that a cold sore wouldn't erupt on camera. Keilan points out the obvious: if Bentinho is a fifth-density being who can alter his body with his thoughts, why does he need everyone around him managing his stress levels?

We also get into the question of Cory, how deeply enmeshed she is, what it would take for her to get out, and whether that's even possible without him being removed from the picture entirely.

This is still just a fraction of what exists. More is coming.

The invitation to Bentinho, to Cory, to Kars, to anyone in leadership who wants to make the case publicly and on the record, remains open.

Inst@Guru is part of the podcast WTF Is On My Mind, available on YouTube and all podcast platforms.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Just a quick note before we start. You're gonna see some of us munching away at the beginning of this one. That's because this was the last part of an almost four-hour recording session and we were starving. Alright, this is episode 12, and we're gonna go through more text messages. What we're looking at in these episodes is not just what was said, it's what was being taught to the inner circle and how they learn to explain it away and call it something else entirely. Going back through these messages is not easy for Jacqueline Keelan or Jade. It's exhausting and re-traumatizing. They're willing to dig into the pain of what Bentinho's teachings did to them because they believe people need to see this. And they're doing it because the group continues to deny any wrongdoing and is still actively recruiting. They want people to see what the real teachings and the real teacher look like up close. This episode belongs mostly to Jade, and what you're gonna see is something that's very hard to describe until you see it play out. You're gonna watch her mind and her instincts get systematically dismantled, message by message. You're gonna see her fawning response kick in, that desperate scramble to figure out what the right answer is, what the right version of herself is that will finally make things okay. And you're gonna see that there is no right answer, because the target keeps moving. That's by design. Here's a thought experiment for anyone who still believes everything Bentinho does is pure. If that's true, then what's the problem with revealing these texts? Wouldn't they just expose the defector's distortions? Aren't we doing the organization a service by showing the teachings transparently, including the most advanced ones he trusts his inner circle with? Something to sit with as you watch. There's a sequence in here involving pillows. Yep, it's gonna sound absurd. But watch what happens. Jade is given a task. She does it. The instruction changes, she corrects, he criticizes the correction, then pivots to accusing her of performing. There is no action she could have taken that would have been right. There is no way to win. That's intermittent reinforcement playing out in real time. And once you see it, hopefully you can't unsee it. There's also a line in here that I think is the most self-incriminating thing Bentinho has said in any of these texts. He says to his inner circle, I may f one into freedom and patiently ignore the other into freedom for years. He's referring to the woman he's romantically involved with. That's not interpretation. It's not something taken out of context. Those are his words. This is a spiritual teacher describing his methodology. But before we get there, we're gonna start with a group chat about Jade that she wasn't even in. Before she's properly settled, he's already coaching the inner circle on how to perceive her, how to manage any doubts about his interest in her, and how to frame what he's doing as spiritual work. She didn't find out this chat existed until months after she left. Alright, let's get into it.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

I wasn't in this group. Well, can you see what the name of the group was? Family gathered. Yeah, so I wasn't in that because this was before I like I usually screenshot the dates, but this is Keelan's. Um so when I got there, I told you I wasn't interested in Ben. I wasn't trying to just be there for seven days, go back to my life. So I wasn't sexually attracted to him. I wasn't even physically attracted to him, like nothing. Um, so one of his first things with me was like, Oh, you're being really hyper masculine because you're not being sexual enough. Like you're not letting your expression, like he told Jaclyn and Allison and Jocelyn and blah blah blah. Um, and so I started to, he's like, You need to act more like like you want me, like this is something you're you're that's your teaching. And I I I was navigating that in the in the like dark of his room with Corey of like, is this okay for you? But she gave her blessing. So I start being like St. On his lap publicly and his cigar and like we just start being more cuddly. And then Keelan and I, I guess like maybe you should read this if you want, or do you want me to read it and you can talk about it?

SPEAKER_02 4:34

It's up to you.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

This is all read it and you can jump. I'll read it and you can jump in then.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Okay. So this is Ari. She said, I I like to explore a trigger/slash wobble praying hands. Your exchange with Jade. What is your current experience with her? To me, it feels like the vibe in the interaction has changed from embodying, exuding pure, relevant, masculine into a more romantic sexual role. Something about that is triggering me, feels off. I did not experience this with this in the beginning with Jade, nor with Raquel. The exchanges felt pure, relevant, and of service. Also, your ability to still be aware of what else is was happening felt unaffected. Since about day one, or since about one day, that feels different. The vibration I experienced most clearly is doubt. Doubt if you still clearly see the whole picture or have been drawn slash sucked in. Some other potential relevant components seemed to fade out of your awareness. Nikki, which was a girl who would who he had also invited to be there at the same time as me. I think he was kind of trying to make us do like this drupple with Corey. Keelan, Corey, no limits, rest of the group, open to reflections from the others. I don't know what else she said, but whatever it was. Um, Bentinho. Maybe it's an image thing, and some people just have a distorted image of girls falling in love with me, and or the sexual component triggers you. Everything is medicine, everything is a way to teach and boost the awakening in love. Jade is a powerful character. She's got hundreds of thousands of followers. Not sure where he got that. I had 80. Okay. She's connected to others who have tens of millions of followers. That's true. And she is eager to have me deconstruct them as well if the timing lines up. He's talking about deconstructing their minds of my friends and making them be in the cold. Um she is generous as fuck, not claiming me at all. But yes, she is using me to fall in love with her own ease and true self beyond the condition layers built up in her four non-alpha unpleasant relationship and an unalpha un-alpha weak father. Her first time with someone she can actually trust and relax into. And we're gonna judge her small quirks, transition, transition transitionary adjustments, or her sensuality. Last night I gave her the suggestion to not be shy with me in front of others, to let her affection and devotion be strong and flow within reason. It has helped her ground tremendously, in my opinion, other than the alcohol involved in last night. I can't do my work as well if I'm not trusted by my own team.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

I just want to point out that, and maybe you already touched on this, that this is happening in a group chat without Jade, while Jade's present. So this is like a separate group uh happening into after she's been there for a little bit of time, and he's teaching us how we need to view and see her and how as he you know steps it up with her, so to speak.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

I didn't know about this until like months after we left, and Keelan dropped the hint that he had said like why he wanted me there was my followers and and my connection to Alexis Wren. And I was like, what? Like I didn't even know there were other chats like this. Like, you think you're in all the chats. Like that's what I'm saying. People don't know everything that's happening. There's an extent of things that you're not able to see. So just remember how long you've had the privilege to interact with my personal energies, most of you for years straight. So protect me, but please never be possessive of me or be unwilling to grant the that chance to others. No opportunity is entirely risk-free, but we have to keep on living and we have to keep on fucking giving. Even if they are young women and there's a sexual component involved, or a component of them falling deeply in love with the space I hold, for them as a way for them to rapidly get in touch with a holistic version of themselves and for them to feel their true energy in this way. Trust that I've had the necessary dialogues to facilitate that as safely as possible. Ask her how it's going and keep her real if you feel she is playing with you out of safety or whatever. Make her feel safe and keep her real at the same time. But don't be non-generous or let surface level bias thwart your generosity. It pisses me off. Everybody deserves a chance. I don't see why Jade would not deserve our full support. I am just passionate about this point and non-concessional. And Ari says, Okay, makes sense. That's part of it for me too. You're probably not the only one who has small doubts creep. This is still Ben talking. Oh, he's replying to her. Okay, thanks. Thank you. Okay, makes sense. That's part of it for me too. You're probably not the only one who has small doubts creep in about the nature of my engagement with women from time to time. That's happened before. Just want everyone to see their hypocrisy in trusting me with themselves, but then not trusting me with other new people just because they have a fucking vagina under the age of 40. Ew. I don't remember that. God. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

And also see how there's like this romantic framing he's doing, like where he's like being protective of Jade simultaneously, and it seems like this chivalrous thing, you know? So that's where like this is like what the fuck.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Yeah. It's pathetic to have such limited issues with me after all these years. So he's asking for to like complete trust. The work is the same. The format takes us tailored to each person's distortions and dispositions and blueprint. The work is the same. If you enjoy receiving my love and having me included and having been trusted regardless of all your mini quirks and distortions, then you are in no position to believe your limited views on my engagement with women over wanting the same opportunity for them.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

Also, notice how she started that with saying, like, you're distracted by Jade, essentially, and your your now attention is off of the company. And remember that Ari has now invested a lot of money into the company. So she's like, What are you doing? You're supposed to be helping us like become a profitable organization. And now all your energy is going towards this woman. Like, of course she's upset about that.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

She's seen this time and time again happen, and she knows where it's going. They all know what's going to happen, but they have to pretend it's not going to end the same way. And he just said in the other messages prior to me even being there that the only thing he ever focuses on is the mission. And this is what people don't understand is he says the mission is the women he's he's coercing into sex. That is the mission. He's done this time and time again, and so it's so confusing in there. You're not actually the work one day is praying to Jesus. The next work one day it's getting this girl to have sex with them. Like it just is whatever he's doing is what is the thing that's the mission.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

So the mission are to fulfill his every need at every every moment.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Because he needs to be nourished so he can continue on with his brave little journey. Um then you are then you are in no position to believe your limited views on my engagement with women over wanting the same opportunity for them. It's the same work. Just remember that I may fuck one into freedom and patiently ignore the other into freedom for years, but it's the same fucking work, and I demand a hundred percent trust in me and a hundred percent generosity toward the new people. So for everyone in these fucking comments that's saying we're dumb because we just don't understand how gurus are not, they're not everything, and like this is the this is verbatim from his own mouth. Two of the people that are most that's important.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

So so basically, I just want to go back to his statement. I may fuck one into freedom and patiently ignore the other one into freedom for years. So this is a spiritual teacher saying this. I may fuck one into freedom. I just keep feeling like I need to say that again and again.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

And like to to build a better world.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

But also know who he's playing with other people's hearts. So when he says, and the other one, I will it patiently ignore the other one into freedom. And there are many other women that he is deliberately taunting with that same energy.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

Yeah, that's a verbal admission that much like Paola, who's been there for six years, he's he just could be throwing off to the side and he's okay with that. He doesn't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

And the fact that like having sex with him versus being ignored by him is on the same playing field, it's on the same line, it's the same tool brush is disturbing.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

And he's saying everything in between that is acceptable. He's saying these are twins, you know.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

But it's also you know, there was a the interesting, there was this sort of teaching in in Nixum, like it's all the same, you know, like what is sex, what is not sex, you know. Renier did this talk once. I wasn't actually there, but Nancy Salzman spoke about it, you know, if if a penis sort of touches a leg, is that sex? You know, if it sort of touches one labia, is that sex? Oh god, if it inadvertently like slips inside for a moment, is that sex? And his whole thing he was trying to line bend everybody to be like, it's like shaking hands, skin on skin, what's the difference? There's no difference whatsoever. And so the whole idea was to take the charge off people's um boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

They're desensitizing.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

As though the boundaries are desensitizing, as though that was a problem. And it seems to me like in this conversation as well, like it's all the same work, you know, like fucking somebody, ignoring them, punishing them. It's all the same work, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

What would there have been a woman in the in the audience that he was trying to do that with? Because this was Ben's like one-on-one. He really was never giving these speeches unless like one of his victims was in the seat and he's really talking to them.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Yeah, there were people that he would maybe try to punish or or you know, show the the error of their ways. I wasn't aware of what you're saying because I only apparently found out in the last few months what was actually fucking going on. So I missed a lot of that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

Right. Yeah, like a group grooming session now. It's just sick.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Also, those people have children and they're like taking those those roles into their own lives and telling them, oh, well, that's not really like someone tells you it's I was touching appropriate. You're like, well, actually, my great teacher said that's not really sick.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

You know, I wanted to say one thing. I want to go back to Corey, and you know, bless her heart because I I don't know Corey, but um I as I read these things that you guys are are are putting up here, and this is from 2021, 2020, I don't know how easy of a time it would be for Corey to get out of this. And and the reason I say that is because like so we had somebody in in Nixium who was in charge of uh one branch of DOS, and she offered up her teenage daughter to Keith Rainier. And this is somebody that I was good friends with her, and she was somebody I would say she was a bit like a a nun, very, very religious, um, came from a religious background, and really was trying to do the right thing, and she just and was also part of a very powerful family in Mexico. And uh I was I was instrumental in speaking to her family and helping them understand that she'd done criminal things and that they needed to like help get her out, and so there's a long story, but that family helped help us and helped the FBI and et cetera, et cetera. But she hasn't been heard from since then. Like she's just literally disappeared, and I imagine it's because the the damage she has to undo inside herself to come to terms with the fact that she offered up her own underage daughter. I feel like and tell me what you guys think. I feel like with Corey, if she was ever to come to the realization of what she's actually been part of and what she's been facilitating, it might be too much for her. I I don't know what you guys think.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

If she has a heart, I think it would be. But I'm not I actually wanted to write her last night. I was looking at all these texts and I actually texted Jacqueline and Keelan. I'm like, I I want to write her and say, if you ever leave, we will be here be there for you. But it's but it's hard because I don't think that I I don't know if she has a heart and she's a good person at the end of it all because I didn't know her during that time. I know her during her grooming days, I know her during her predator days. So I'm wondering if I feel like there's two kinds of people that are in the cult personally. There's some that like they're kind of a like a nasty person underneath it all, and they like the excuse it gives them. And then there's people in there, like Jaclyn, especially a great example, where her heart is so good and she's like trying to follow along. And I think when I see who's kind of left in there, the ones that I know personally, it's like they kind of like the cruelty part. I saw them like kind of perk up and if whether that's because they've been groomed into it and trained into it, I don't know. But we would a hundred percent talk to Corey and like it's sh it it's very clear when you read what she's writing, she thinks she's doing the work verbatim. It's not like she's just this is her own brain, she doesn't have a brain anymore. It's literally just benisms in her mind on repeat.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

Yeah, it's really weird because ironically, she lives by the context where this could be a breakthrough for her, and she loves seeing how much like the right perspective is one that feels good. So if in theory she were to realize this, it could be like the ultimate, oh my gosh, but like that's a hard ship to turn around. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

Yeah. But I I don't think he would let her, and that's why we think he needs to go to jail so that they could be separated long enough, like you know, some of the people in Nexium that will start to get it. Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Okay. Before we continue, I can see in my analytics that roughly 66% of the people watching and listening to this podcast are not subscribed. If you're one of them, this is me personally asking you to hit that subscribe button right now. If you've been in a romantic relationship, a family dynamic, a corporation, a church, a group, a movement, a political party, and you've recognized these patterns and this podcast is helping you make sense of it, hit that button. The more subscribers this has, the more platforms push it to people who've been through this and need to hear it. Oh, and if you're listening on audio, please rate the podcast and leave a review. Also, if these kinds of experiences are resonating with you, there's a lot more happening over on my Patreon. If you've ever felt like you were going crazy trying to explain what you were seeing to people around you, this is where you don't have to explain it. It's a community of people who've actually been through it and understand. And there's stuff happening there that never goes public. Active investigations in process, QA's, rants, in-depth discussions, early access, and conversations with survivors. There's things I talk about there that the algorithm does not like, but need to be heard and need to be discussed. If that's interesting to you, come and join us over on patreon.com forward slash Mark Vicente. The link is also in the show notes. All right, let's get back to the episode.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Um just watch for the for any entitlement whatsoever in yourselves and continue to share your concerns if they seem real. I want this general fucking weirdness out of the ethers. Whenever I connect with a young woman, I don't need anybody's fucking doubts because they can't see beyond the image. Okay, so that's that's that. And I wanted to just let everyone know because when you have someone come out to see you under the pretense of like, oh, I just want Ben wants to meet you, he wants to connect with you. But what he's actually doing is he's trying to distill your followers into his own, he's got he's got ulterior motives from the very get-go that he called me out there. It wasn't because he thought our hearts could do good work together, which was my intention. He had a whole little little plan in his head. And going back to when he was dating Allison, they were in Hawaii, and he had always had this fantasy that he was gonna date Alexis Wren, who's my best friend's sister and godsister. Um, so he knew that and he called me out there because in his mind he's working on his little manifestation. He's pulling me closer. And if he can get me under his like belt, then he can I could do any, he can have me do anything, and he almost did. So all that to say, now we're going into one of our private chats. It's called ABC plus J because it was um Ari, uh, Ben, Corey, and me. Um, so this was a chat that I'm realizing some of the inner circle, when they're defending him, they don't even know about these other chats. They weren't in them, they don't know the abuse that's happening. So maybe everyone should just have a question mark of what's going on for a second. So this is when I, after my love bombing phase, we traveled to Costa Rica and in Panama, he really hooked me in when he had me looking at all the people, the building when I was like, my ex was like, I'll give you the family, I'll give you the house, the ring. And I was deciding whether to go back into my old timeline or to continue on with Ben. And he made me look at this building because he knew that I wanted to help people. That was my whole thing. And so he turned me around and said, Look, don't look at me, don't look at look at look at this this building and all these people, they need you. And so after that hook, then he could torture me. And so this was my downfall. So all this pedestal climbing, all this putting me up here, all this trying to get the spiritual teaching, now he's gonna rip it away. And so he said, Staff just came in, came up to the balcony to ask me to clean the kitchen, not preferred, meaning pay attention next time before calling them over. Now, at this point, my my nervous system is entirely hooked to his. So if he has even one iota of upsetness, my whole body is in tear. She saw me smoking. But what I'm thinking in terror is I'm like, oh my God, I'm ruining this retreat. Now there's 80 people that are at this retreat. I'm gonna derail their enlightenment. Overhelping isn't helping. Broke my sweet little bubble here for a moment. Laying exposed on the couch with a whiskey, ashtray, and a cigar, trying to be discreet so I can so I can sustain this gentle breaking of the rules. You weren't allowed to smoke there, and keep good faith with the property for a potential next year retreat. I said, I understand. I'm very sorry. I told her not to enter. My mistake. He said, Okay, thumbs up. Then he comes back. They took my pillows. Can someone call and have them send one version of each of the non-regular pillows back and keep them the fuck here? Corey said, Lol, what on earth? Jade, can you handle this? I'm not near a hotel phone right now. So Corey was really enjoying me because basically all these little like bullshit that she had to do for Ben, like his coconut water and stuff. Now she had like a little slave that could do that. So she was enjoying that part. Um, Bentino. They have three kinds total. Give me one of each. Corey, we need some staff training via Carlos to BH. I said, Yes, I'm calling right now. He said, I'm too tired to wait and see when they come to wake me up. Can you can and then Ari said, Can you use Corey's pillows for now? He said, Don't have them come.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

I'm calling because he's everybody in the everybody in the corporation is worried about the The pillows?

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Everyone. All the all the women that are the main women that serve him. And so um uh I I he's telling me you are not you're overhelping, you're not helping. So now I'm like, oh my god, I need to get this right. So I I call, I'm on the phone with the staff. I'm saying, hey, I explain the pillows. Now he says, No, don't bring the pillows. It's too late. I'm tired. So now I gotta fucking call him back and say, hey, please don't bring the pillows, bring him to my room. Now he's all of a sudden pivoting on me. Make a choice, JD. You either love and give or you pretend to be insecure and seek for validation. Where the fuck? Like I'm I'm at his becking call. Ari starts saying, I'm the one infinite creator. My free will rolls. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

I feel like we missed a slide where he's out of order. Yeah, I think it might have slid past. Scroll there might be one about oh yeah, this is it. Okay, look at the timestamps yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 22:53

Um, I'll text you when they come to see if you are still up. He said, Leave them on my doorstep, like I said. Don't improvise when I'm specific. Now I know his doorstep is a dirty concrete thing. I'm gonna have them drop the pillows off. They're going, I had to look 10, 15 steps ahead. I know the pillows are gonna be dirty. He's gonna be more upset. So I'm trying to really like figure out what the best thing is. Cost me, cost more energy. Let me know when they are there. That's all. I said, okay, I understand. He said, Hey, Ari and Corey, let me know if there's anything that really needs my attention. Let me know tomorrow morning if possible, not tonight. Jade, stop performing. You're endless infinity. So you're good enough. Stop thinking altogether, actually, but stay awake and alert. What does that mean? Thank you, babe.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

Yes. So he's yelling at her for messing up. She's trying to correct as fast as possible. Then he says, No, you did it wrong. So she's scrambling to fix that. And now she's calling her out for actually doing what he's saying. So that's the cognitive dissonance thing that's going on in Jade's head now. She's doing exactly what he's saying, and he's telling her she's performing. So she loses either way. There's actually no way to win in this situation.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

That's the most important thing. Okay, I I either fucked up here, but these are out of order, and I tried so hard for so long last night. So um, okay, so I said thank you, babe. Yes. And Corey said, We're on it. Ben Bentinho says, feeling negative entity attack came through me, catalyzed by Jade or through Jade. Feel a sudden cold sore coming on and excessive heat in my body building up out of nowhere. But she's the open channel for it, and I'm open to her per default. Ari, still happening? He says, Yes, slightly yes. Now I I am my hotel was underneath his, and he had told me when we got there, like, your thoughts need to be really aligned because you will your thoughts will full float up and affect me in my little king bed. Aria says, tuning in. And then after 657, it says right.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

Now we're attending to the cold leaders' cold sore. So a potential cold sore break. Okay, now you have to go risk.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

So go to the one that says Aria says tuning in at 657. And there's only so sorry, I don't know how this okay. Um Ari said tuning in. Corey said same. Maybe a cold shower, Ben. He said, I took a shower out now. It's her fake, fearful, lack-based self opening opening. Sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

It's okay. This is it's so confusing. Um it's her also they've deleted this chat. It's her fake, fearful, lack-based self opening the door in this instance, keeping me on a thin thread for a few days to a couple weeks now. All of a sudden, I've been bad for weeks. I'm like, holy fuck. He says, hadn't noticed fully until now in retrospect. I said, I'm sorry, I'm bringing the pillows. Huh?

SPEAKER_03 25:34

Sorry, I'm like, that's so convenient for him. Like, hadn't noticed, but now I'm noticing.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

And I'm and I'm also reviewing, it's been two weeks. Um, but he's the clearest man on the planet. I said, I'm sorry, I'm bringing the pillows up and going to meditate. If anyone has any other suggestions, please let me know. I feel like I was having a heart attack and my body I was having sweats and and like uh hyperventilation. Like you are looking for a monster, and I've I've I've had never had, I didn't read Law of One, I didn't study these things. Like, I only have what he's told me, and I don't know what to do in this situation. He hasn't prepared me for what to do. Besides, check your thoughts. Obviously, something you're thinking is not true. What's crazy about this is like I was so brainwashed at this point. I had no doubts, I had no confusions. I was all for him, which proves that this is just, he just makes shit up randomly. I didn't say I wanted to go home like Jaclyn. I didn't say I was doing anything like Allison. Like there was nothing for him to, there was no gun. There was I had the gun and there's no one to point it at but me. He said, make a choice, Jady. You love and give or you pretend to be insecure and seek for validation. He loves validation. Jade, where are you? Need help to become clear? I would like that if possible, I said. Corey said, I can meet up with y'all too if that would be supportive. Or Bentino if you'd like some chill company. She's the good girl now. Ari said, your place or mine. Winky face. Winky face, Ben supposedly dying. I said, it's okay, Ari, I can move through this. Ari said, I know you can, and it can still be helpful to have someone around to make sure you don't fall for any stories. No rush though. I'm here. Text me when you want me to come over. Okay, I said, okay, I'll come over, I'll come right now. I agree this would be helpful. I want to get this. I'm sprinting through the there's this like giant um courtyard of this huge hotel. Literally think I'm gonna kill Ben. He says, watch for Jocelyn consciousness. And then he's telling Ari, Ari, you watch for this. And she's like, okay. Shorty knows exactly what that means. And he says, performance and puts the like um the sad and happy mask. He said, Bentinho says, when this happens, I can literally feel fire or streams of heat exiting my body at different places, like I'm fuming, and I'm overwhelmed almost with frustration type of energy, which is the excess heat translated into emotion. I've got it under control at the So 722. Oh yeah. I think it might be the next one. I think I might be on here now. I've got it under control at the moment. It came on very suddenly. It seems that over the years, as I have gotten more keen to catch these attack strategies sooner, they have to heat up, heat it up in a short open window and go ham. So it's fast and intense when it does strike. I'm sorry if the intensity caught you off guard as well, Jade. And again, softening the blow like you did with Jaclyn and Keelan. Um I'm sorry. I don't mean to project onto you or expect anything, except that which is reasonable given what you have declared you are all about in relationship to me. Ari sends these free diving photos of Ben, seeing you fully relaxed and in perfect balance. Ben, thank you. Remembering free diving into the calm, cold depths actually helps. Cool permission slip. The pillow I want is not amongst the bunch. Can someone call to get me the therapeutic one? Now, again, I already fucking tried to call, then he told me don't call, then he told me to go over to Ari's. Now he's telling me he needs the pillow. And um, I would love if you could well, we'll do it at the end. Okay. Corey said, yeah, I'll see if I can bring one back from the lobby. Um now he's asking Richard for cold sore medicine.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

And um Why does he need cold sore medicine?

SPEAKER_01 28:52

So he has herpes and he likes he wants to give it to the women. Um he has herpes and he has herpes. When he when so as I understand it, when you have herpes, like it stress can start a cold sore and you feel this tingle. Yeah. A couple people in the community have that. What's all that?

SPEAKER_00 29:07

So is that also part of the mission to keep him unstressed so that the cold sore doesn't erupt? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

Yeah, it doesn't look good on camera mark.

SPEAKER_02 29:13

Interesting is that if you're a fifth density being, uh, according to Ben's own teachings, you can alter your body with your own thoughts. And Bentino is even above that, but he can't just alter his thoughts to alter his body.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Is the cold sore an expression to help all of you then get through something? Yes, we're doing this too.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

But it actually is probably from me because everything he did for me was from me. So it was my cult sore on his lip.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Got it. Okay, I want to make sure I really understand it because I'm I'm a simple spiritual, you know, idiot. So I just want to make sure I get it.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Me too, Mark. He also didn't tell me he had herpes. Like, this is kind of when I was finding out. Like we'd we'd kiss and had sex, and it doesn't make like for you not to tell someone that information is diabolical. Um so Richard's getting him this stick because he happened to have one. And and now Ben is saying, uh, can I have one of the sticks? And and Richard's like, Do you want to tonight? And he's like, have Jade come pick it up. So I just almost killed him. I'm supposed to get the pillows, and I'm supposed to go get this fucking like lip balm for him. And he's now he's saying it's back. But like, how quickly he went from, I'm almost dying. I'm sorry, Jade, the pillows aren't here. He's going back to his fucking bullshit pillow shit. This was me asking Richard, Jade, can you pick up one of these sticks? He says his room is right above the ice cream shop. I think he means cafe coco. Corey said, I can do it. Is Jade with Ari? Yeah. So I'm with Ari at this point. Corey's supposed to get the goddamn pillows. Um, and Ari basically, I went to her room with Lisa and it was like all like there's a candle, it was like dim. And she was sitting on her bed and she was like, Look, it's all is the infinite creator, all is well. And she's like, tells me this whole story about the everyone is playing an instrument in the cult, and I'm running around trying to be too good, and I'm trying to play the triangle, I'm trying to do Corey's drums, I'm trying to help everyone because Ben tells me I need to be on it or I'm gonna like disturb humanity. Um, so at this point they're talking about training the staff, blah blah blah. He said, Any brief update on Jade before I shut my eyes? Ari said, just read this now. Jade left about 30 minutes ago. From my perspective, she got lost in the bushes for a while, trying to be of service instead of being of service by honoring her alignment no matter what. Distracted by doing the best thing, wanting to help the team, she forgot what her and everybody's real job is, being who she truly is. When she remembered her stories quickly unraveled. He said, excellent, thank you, Ari. She just updated me very via text also.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

Uh Jade, I want to tell you that like I I literally remember feeling this way in Nixim as well. Like I'd be so confused, but like when I saw like trying to versus being, it wasn't exactly the same language, but like with all the EMs, I was like, I don't understand what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Like every time I do something that you say I should do, you say that's I've the way I'm doing it is not right. And I'm like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 31:54

And that's why I lost my fucking mind. And that's why I lost my fucking connection to my body. Because I always tell people it's like you go to Disneyland and you're given this guide, and he's like, You don't need the map. He rips up the map in front of you. He's like, I have all these secrets and you haven't seen these. And he's telling you to go to this place and that place, but like he's lying. He's I think I heard on your podcast you're talking about mind mapping. And he's like, he knows your mind, and then he but he's moving shit around, he's moving the furniture of your mind, and then telling you go back in the living room. But he's put the toilet there, and you're like, What the fuck? There's no rhyme or reason he's driving you mad.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

100%.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

Um So da da da. Thanks for helping me ease this energy off. Apologies for its fire spilling over the brim of my own aura. And then I said, My apologies for derailing and letting in a leak. Um, he blah blah blah. I said, Thank you all for holding me so sweetly and honestly. Corey does heart. So, um, what's next in there?

SPEAKER_00 32:50

So just just quickly, as you as you look at what's next, uh to me as an outsider, it sounds like he's having tantrums and he's very deregul dysregulated and he can't regulate himself. And he needs everybody to run around until he can feel better. It is like a tantrumy child who's got too much power. It's it seems like it to me.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Well, my question is like, is it that he really gets this fucking I think he does get this mad when things aren't perfect for him because he has this big delusion in his mind that he's so important, or is he doing it on purpose, or is it sort of a his double, he likes to torture people and he's pissed off.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

I mean, uh I don't know the answer to that, but I do in listening to you speak, I do have a sense that he actually does have these physical manifestations in his body, but I don't think he recognizes they're actually emanating from his own psychological condition. So he thinks that there must be something much more mystical as opposed to just he's having a tantrum and that's how it's expressing itself.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

Exactly. And as he said in his own words, are you full evil or just half evil? And why do you play dumb victimized little bunny?

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Yeah, I've never read that victimized bunny.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

That's what he said to me. He's when he said I know, I just never seen that from your text. It's gross. But that he's speaking about himself, is what I'm saying. His subconscious thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Okay. So I I see the ABC J Bum chat.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Yes. Now go to the one that says Bentinho, it says uh here at the top.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

Marshall.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Yes. Thank you. This should be in order.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Uh that starts here or there?

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Nope, where you were.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Cut.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

So this was happening in our personal chat at the same time as that chat, much like Jaclyn's. So at 7 01 p.m., this is the when I tried to kill him chat. And then mind you, his birthday is on the 13th, so not a good look to try and kill him today's before his birthday. He said, You used to give to me without expecting return or safety or validation. That's how you wrote me in. Now, are you gonna start playing subtle insecurity energy stealing games now that you're in? Now, I have not changed anything. This is why I drop I got so I went so mad because I literally loved him as much as I did. I was doing more than I ever had. It was really confusing. I said, I have no desire to be in peer with you, nor would I try and play a game with you. He said, Give a hundred percent or don't. Otherwise, you invite in entities, mixed frequencies, especially around retreat times and new launches. I become a high priority target. And now we have both the retreat and multiple launches and new team members and old ones stepping up. I need you to love on me without expect expecting return or to change our mode of being, but not the teetering one foot in the door type of energy that has no close, healthy circuitry. I said, I only want to love you without anything in return. I'm telling you, I was the most brainwashed. I gave him everything. Um, he said, then do so. Holding back is dangerous as fuck. Now he's telling me I need to own my desires, like he did with Jaclyn. Like, do not hold back, go fucking balls to the wall. He said, in any high-stakes sport, try holding back free free solo climbing, try holding back free diving, try holding back nourishing, loving me. You're making this thing about you recently, your performance, your results. Your role to me. I said, I see that. He said, eliminate right and wrong, success and failure. So sad to read this. Up and down from your mind and heart altogether, and just give. I said, I'm sorry, it's disgusting. He said, which means just be and be generous from being. It's damaging. I said, yes, that's the word. My intention is to be replenishing to you. He said, that's already in your nature. So I'm like, okay, well, if it's already in my nature, but I'm what? He said, just so just be it. Stop saying it like it's a game that you can become better at and be validated by. If you say it, you're not it. If you're it, you won't have to tell me. I know and feel it right now. This is not a performance game. You can't be doing this to be seen as a good girl. And it saying it's not a performance game, but he just told me about not holding back like in sports. It's just like you can't follow. You can't be doing this to be seen as a good girl. I don't need you to be better. I need you to be less, to be more natural. No games. Yeah, Keelan. I don't know. No performance intentions, no, no results driven, only pure moment-to-moment love and devotion and affection is what helps nourish this vehicle for the mission he's talking about as body. Stop pretending like you still don't know what to do or how to do it. You know perfectly well that what works just by being still and awake. I said, I see that. To focus on it is to lose the focus on which on it which occurs as my natural state of being.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

I just want to say, like, the context he's giving as well is like I have this retreat coming up, I'm delivering this thing. Like in all of our texts, there's always a a war, like a war, very real war happening. Like this is like you're on the battlefield and you feel like bullets are flying over your head. That's how high stakes this is while you're getting this these types of messages.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Yeah. Yeah. Be naturally you. Sorry if I'm being unclear in any way. In what I seem to communicate would be best for you, us, me the whole. Sometimes what seems obvious to me seems to be obscured to another. You've been amazing, but lately you've been leaving me. What? Like a slow fade, draining some of my energy along the way. Literally, this man could text me and I'd be at his door in three seconds. Like, I don't know what he's talking about. Um, service to self-energy is described by Ra as absorbent. Service to others' energy is that which is radiant. Watch for where your radiation turns into absorption and break the spell with your willn't your will and awareness. Insecurity is always about self, not for others. Even if the insecurity results in activities which claim to be service to others.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

I wonder what you were doing at that point that made him bring that up because you weren't hanging out with Keelan yet, were you?

SPEAKER_01 38:11

No, this was like months before it was like completely his. I was completely in love.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

There must have been one little thing where you like looked at someone or you didn't reply to him fast enough.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

I don't even think that's what I'm saying. I think is what drove me mad is there was nothing different. However, he was about to, and I think he had been writing Paula secretly, like DMing her, knowing she was coming to the retreat. I think he actually gave her a free ticket. So she wasn't supposed to be there. And she get he gifted her this ticket. So he already knew that he was gonna have another girl enter the fold. And I don't I think I was pissing him off because I didn't have that fire like Allison had where she was like, I don't want to share you. I was like, that's the rule. Go ahead. I don't think he, I think he was bored. Like he I was too good of like being what he wanted. Keelan watched the whole cult saw me like that's what it throw my fucking soul at him. There was nothing to complain about, literally. Um uh it's still absorbent energy instead of freely giving radiant nourishing energy. You were very nourishing to me in the beginning and regularly throughout since. So what is happening recently? What are you scared of suddenly? Why pull a Felix or a Dennis? Um, what is that word, Mark? Of like narcissists do this where they um triangulation. They kind of no, it's like not about Dennis or Felix, but he's like, you used to be perfect uh like dis discard. He's like discarding me. He's like putting this energy in like in a relationship where you're like, you are not the same, and like you did it, you haven't done anything different. So it started to make you fucking doubt yourself and go mad because you know, so then your body and your mind are fighting for truth. I said, I feel like it's my conditioning of not wanting to be a burden or overstep something. He said, Yes. Now he's like, Oh, look, yeah, see? Self-fulfilling prophecy. You create what you're careful of. How are you? I love you. Please stick with me and love yourself and myself is one. Smiley face, nourish me from your natural state. Help me focus on what I need to focus my energies on.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

I'm sorry, but this sounds like a little boy talking to his mommy.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Nourish me.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Oh, I'm gonna vomit again. Oh, um, by nourish me from your natural state. I said, Okay, so then um now I've had this upgrade. Now I'm like, okay. I said, I'm back, baby. Holy shit. He's like, now this is like when your brain has that pop-out psychosis moment where you're like, you pop through your truth and you go into his. And now you feel relief. You're like, oh my god, I'm getting this spiritual enlightenment. I call myself a dumb cunt. I said, What a dumb cunt, Lol.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

I think I think that was applied to the wrong person in this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 40:33

Very true. But he called all the women cunts to our faces, and that was like a test to see if, like, oh, if you're triggered, you shouldn't be triggered by being um, what's it called? Like disrespected. Um, I said, walking back, my phone is at 1%. Holy uh one sec. He said, I'm about to fall asleep though. I said, good, I'm glad. Nothing is nothing more is needed. You gave me the best reflection. It already hit it home. He said, Beautiful. I said, Yes, you are. He said, Any declarations? Now he wants me to like give him something. I said, I declare to be myself no matter what, which is what he's asking. He said, Anything I can base my energies off of in regards to you. Okay, good. Not sure what that means for me yet. Uh, what how is it applied to me? Even though he just told me, nourished yourself and me as one. So, what? Any declaration toward me that I can then rely on, trust? He's like, Where can I get your like buy-in? I said, My nature is what nurtures you best, or repeat what he says, and my what my role is in this mission, which is what he's told me. Just be be yourself. He said, resonates, thank you. I said, I declare that I will not lose you as my center, that I will stay in my lane of genius, didn't smell right, and stop taking on others' roles from the team. That then puts me frantically in my head and leave my heart. Now, this was because I was people were asking me to help with like logistics of the of the retreat. That that's also what he was saying. Was like, I was offering to help in realms people were drowning in. We had this system where it was like red light, green light, orange, what is it?

SPEAKER_02 41:54

Red light, green light, red or light in terms of how red down we were.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Keelan said, like, dude, people are really stressed out. Like, I feel like we need some kind of system here where people can actually like flag that they're drowning. And so Keelan put that in place, and everyone's like, I think that's a good idea. So I was trying to help the people that were drowning. Now I remember Jaclyn, that was like my distortion. Um, I understand now me trying to help degrades the team dynamic because when I show up as myself and am aligned to what comes naturally, it is what strengthens the team. I saw everyone's long list of work in my old mode kicked in. I thought me becoming stronger at what Corey is best at would serve you best. Ari talked to me about the emotional ins intelligence, about emotional intelligence. Oh my god. Um, and how it's like strings on an instrument. Car said I would be good to be the head of the entire retreat, and I immediately told everyone that that would be a disaster. It's not my nature. And then I slowly took on things I felt would help you, but they would just get fucked up because it was me out of tune. So it's like Corey is a drummer and I don't know how to play the drums, and I try and play it anyway because I want to help, but it is not pure, and it's the opposite of helping.

SPEAKER_02 42:58

Fucking hell.

SPEAKER_01 43:01

Yeah, and it's got manipulation under it because I know it's not my lane. Anyhow, I feel so good back to myself, know what I need to cut out and take off my plate so that I can get back to being myself, and that's what you can count on. No motives, no needs, pure love, no needs.

SPEAKER_03 43:14

Look at how you've just turned his tantrum into a lesson for yourself that you've created out of literally nothing, and now you're grateful for the experience and you're back in the good books, you're getting the dopamine hit from the abuse.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

Oh god. Yes. And I just wanted to learn when I was there. So I was like, if this is a lesson, like cool, cool. He said, sounds and feels nourishing to hear you say all that and feel your free energy. So what specifically can I count on you for? If anything, nothing is fine as well. But in the world of tangible roles, especially during the retreat, what are you? Don't get me wrong. I like the just be you thing, his thing. That's what he's told me, every other girlfriend as well. But curious if it comes in the form of anything I can expect or count on you for.

SPEAKER_00 43:54

M mommy, I just want to make sure you're still gonna love me and do stuff for me.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

I'm a fucking I I also publicly challenge Bentinho Massaro to like the Jake Paul thing where we go and we train for a couple months and we go in a ring and we fight. So that stance. Then I can know what to seek elsewhere and whatnot. Again, feel free to say nothing if that's the case. You are not feel free to say nothing, also, by the way. Um, in regards to logistics, I said, I don't feel that is an area I can be of service in, nor can I promise you that it would be impe that it would be impeccable at this current moment. As far as nourishing you, derived from my being a presence and purity of self and attentiveness and fully available, that means if he wants to fuck me at any time of the day, or he wants to do whatever and take my clothes off and do, because at this point he had done, he had taken my clothes off in Mexico, which we'll get to. Um here, here I am, your sex doll and attentiveness and fully available for what you need, want, or and desire or desire. That is my commitment, as well as being the highest of my ability of channels when teaching yoga, because I was teaching yoga for free at this event. If you have other specifics in mind that you saw me being helping with, I would love to hear them because I have the ability now to listen for if it's true and should I say yes. But I'm also a bit, a little bit fried, so not as sharp as normal. Fried because I thought I just almost killed him. He said, Okay, babe, sounds good. So you are available to me and typically we'll be close, close by if I need something. I said, that's my highest priority. Not just for the treat in general, but not just for the retreat, but in general, that is my promise declaration. He said, like an extension of myself wherever I need to arrange or get or organize something in the moment, as well as general affection and presence. I said, Yes, absolutely, with so much pleasure. That is my natural state desires. I feel created for this.

unknown 45:35

Sad.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

Why does why does a high density being need all these things? I'm still very confused.

SPEAKER_01 45:40

Mark, you asked the good the hard questions. We didn't think of at the time.

SPEAKER_02 45:44

This also goes back to his self-admitted fantasy of wanting a bunch of empty women around him that he can just program. Like this is what he's doing with Jade.

SPEAKER_03 45:52

But you're also committing to be his slave, essentially. And so now if you if you dissent to anything, you are a liar. You lied and manipulated him.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

Yes, he was getting my promise.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

What the fuck are these texts? Like what is what is this phenomenon? Like this is truly insane.

SPEAKER_01 46:15

That's sad. It's really sad. I've never yeah. Wonderful. That would be great for me, I think. Thank you for pushing through to new levels of self-awareness. I said, Thank you for being uncompromising and not holding back. He sent some weird emoji of Elmo dropping his glutes. I said, Appreciate your time and presence and truth so deep deeply. You sexy, beautiful thing. He said, Thanks, kiss, kiss. And did you need to be more honest about things like Alexis? Anything you need to share, be uh transparent about in that regard. I said, no, that was just a shard stemming from my misalignment. So when he told me he was going, he told me point blank, you're going to take me to LA, you're gonna introduce me to your best friend sister, Alexis, and I'm gonna date her for a few months. I'm gonna take her following and then drop her like a like a tot. And my heart felt so weird about that statement for many reasons. Ali was my best friend. Like he was basically telling me I'm gonna, well, he was telling me I'm gonna use this woman. And so I he never spoke about women like that to me. He was like, I'm nourishing them and there's this exchange, but he said it plain. And so I felt this weirdness in my body, and so all I could draw to was like jealousy. And so he was referencing this. I had I had told him there's something weird there, and he was like, There's something he poked at me about it. Um, he said, or any such to any other such topic. He said, Okay, so it's gone now, or something there. He like loves finding these little things to just fucking yank.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

He's like, I said, I just wanted to Sorry. He's like, Are you gonna let me use you how I'm intending to use you? Or is this gonna be a problem?

SPEAKER_01 47:44

And help you and let help me use this other woman. I said, I just wanted to say it out loud and it hide that I had felt it and not hide that I felt though I had worked it through. No, I feel freedom. And freedom, I did feel freedom there because I was constantly throwing out anything about myself that mattered. Because when you're just disassociated, it feels good compared to the pain he's in when you're embodied, and that's who he teaches you not to be embodied. I was trying too hard to look for impurities and was creating them. That type of feeling could only come from me not being present. I was heady, he makes you heady in there and becoming more and more each day. It's not my reality. Thank you for checking so diligently. He said, I don't get this sentence. And then he said, I see, yep. And then I said, Well, when I felt a moment of hesitation about you and Alexis, I should have said it because I didn't tell him, and that's really bad in there. You have to tell him all of your deep thoughts if you're having a um a fear. I said, Is what I meant. It felt bad to work it out, but not not be honest that it hit me for a second. So after meeting the meeting with Dennis, I wanted I wanted to just expose it even though it was no longer real for me. He said, I see. I said, but I threw it out with haste. He said, Great. I said, not into context, sweet dreams, baby. I love you. Said I love you too, crazy. Sends a weird picture of himself. That's the photo that I paid for Mark to get tattooed on his ass. That's really sad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:03

I also want to say that when the Colt says I think that they have evidence that we're lying and stuff, like they have text of Jade saying, Sweet dreams, baby, I love you, and Jacqueline, and like us being so committed, like to Ernest. It's it's like we did love him. Within their diluted reality, like we were sincere and now we're just blowing things out of proportion.

SPEAKER_00 49:23

Yeah, it's what uh it's what defense attorneys use in court against women. They say, But you said this thing, and say, Well, I was scared not to say that thing.

SPEAKER_01 49:32

Yeah. Coercion hasn't entered the chat. So this is the public chat now, the next morning. Um, this is Costa Rica family. So you can see there's 15 members in this one. Now it's no longer just me, Ari, and Corey um and Ben. Um, so he had it had come out that there was like an attack last night that I had attacked him, like he did with Jacqueline. So now I have to publicly like own my shit. So I said, good morning, my loves. Yesterday's meeting was so good and showed me a lot that I had been completely missing. So thank you, Bentinho, for calling such a session and Dennis and Felix for your vulnerability. He had berated Dennis and Felix in this insane meeting prior to me almost killing him. So, where he just like witch haunted these men for nothing. It was sad. I realized after reflection from Bentinho that I have slipped from where my heart is called and needed and best of service on this retreat and in general. I began looking at everyone's lists and defaulted back into old Jade, who took things on that were not from a place of actual desire or something that I am even good at or helpful with in such an undercover manipulation game. I'm admitting I'm a manipulator, so now they can go back to these texts and be like, look, see? I also added a layer of carefulness to make sure I wasn't being a burden to Bentino and started monitoring it, being in my head all day long. Hypervigilance, that's what that is. When I was in the gym yesterday at 9 a.m., I got a massive headache. I never get headaches. Maybe I've had six in my life and it continued on and off all day. After speaking to Ari about it last night, when it reached its peak, I learned about the emotional guidance system. I think that was the name. And Ari explained it. Last night, when it reached its peak, I learned about the emotional guidance system. Oh, sorry. And Ari explained it was an instrument that when plucked from an untrue space emits out it emits an out-of-tune note. I would have felt that given my current sensitivity, but I didn't realize I had stopped listening and gone up to my head where I just live in a fog and it's all out of sorts. Jesus. I then realized that you are all in a a band that plays a beautiful tune. You each have a unique instrument by which you have prepared your whole life for this role in this orchestra. And I walk in and play the triangle very well, but then I took, I look over and I see Corey as a drummer and Lisa playing the violin, and it seems they have a lot of work. So I start trying to play the violin and the drums, and it all goes as shit. Literally, all was happening was everyone was fucked up. Every day fucked up, like like donkeys made to go up a mountain with 10 times their weight. And all I was supposed to do was be fucking radically ready for Ben's every move. So I was like, let me help you guys. And that was my distortion was I was too overly helpful. Um, but no one wanted Ben didn't want to help them. No one was trying to take anything off anyone's plate because they were all drowning. I have massive responsibility, have a massive responsibility as we all do to play my note and only that, to get better and better at playing that note as is all I'm here to do. It had felt so pleasurable and good that I let conditioning creep in and put myself in performance mode. So long story long. Thank you for being such a loving space where I can change and grow at such a rapid rate. Thank you, Bentinho, for your generosity and time and words to help me see where I went so blind. I will be listening intently to when I'm out of tune and fully available to anyone that needs something that is aligned with my calling, my heart, and feels like a fuck yes. Being available and replenishing to Bentinho is my highest priority and soul focus, which coincides with being uncompromisingly myself. So now I'm coinciding me and Ben as one human being, but he's more important. Giving with no expectation, living in grace, going for the moonshot. That was my calling. No matter what, love you all. I am back, baby, igniting global awakening with every breath. That was our mission. So happy to be here with you all. Jade who said, nice, Jade. Get go out of your monkey head.

SPEAKER_02 53:03

Oh my god. This all happened because Bettino threw a tantrum. And then side note, I rem I I don't even think I responded to this. I was so busy with my own shit. Jade's having this out loud process with a group, and I'm like, there's so much shit going on, no one even has time for it.

SPEAKER_01 53:17

Yeah, well, we can we can pause here because the other two is one is uh Corey text privately and then the other one is something else. I don't even remember.

SPEAKER_00 53:25

Yeah, I think we should I think we should take a pause because also I got stuff I have to take care of. But but one thing I want to just point out from all this, so there's there's more to come. Um this is the stuff, this is a tiny, tiny portion of the stuff that um people are not aware of. And I think there's a couple of interesting things you guys said. The one thing you guys talked about is like this looks like proof that you were on board. Anybody with a modicum of understanding of psychology, none of you guys were on board with any of this. And also, this is the stuff that the this is the kind of conversations that are happening behind closed doors, you know, causing calling people trash, calling them cuts, calling them pussies.

SPEAKER_01 54:08

Dumb.

SPEAKER_00 54:09

Dumb. This this to me is not this is not for their benefit at all. At all.

SPEAKER_01 54:16

And it goes far beyond the the whole thing of like he's just a guru that slaps his student and it awakens them. This is like this is fucking psychological warfare in your brain, looking at the smallest detail that isn't even there. Can you imagine how insane you'd go if someone's telling you to look for this thing in your room and it doesn't exist? And then you you find it, you think you find it, and then he tells you it's over here? Like, that's the whole five and a half months is just rearranging people's fucking minds.

SPEAKER_00 54:43

So I guess the question I have then is like to people out there is like, how do you tell the difference between a guru that's just slapping you around to help you versus somebody that's slapping you around because they enjoy your pain? Like, same actions, how do you tell the difference between one and the other? Is it just your hope of who they are, or is there some way to tell?

SPEAKER_02 55:06

The sad thing is in every single one of our texts, we're all actually willing and want to f to be like to problem solve. Like the slapping isn't necessary. If you just weren't a fucking miserable cunt and you just helped us help you, we would have all loved it. We would they were helping him with shit that didn't even exist. That was completely imaginary. Imagine what we all would have done if he just had his head on straight and priorities straight and wasn't crying about pillows and cold sores. Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 55:32

Well you might be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 55:33

Well in some ways, thank goodness he thank goodness he didn't, because then then you ended up leaving. Still be there. Yeah. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 55:40

The other thing I want to say really quick is that when he said like there's Mark said, Oh, so there is abuse. When he said Allison has been abusing him, please find the text where Allison and or any of us are ever speaking to Ben remotely like he speaks to us. He somehow is seeing all this abuse, but there's no fucking sign of it. Please go through. If they have all this proof, send our entire chats that you've bombed. Send those all those chats, upload them everywhere. We I would be fucking happy for you to do that because there's no, not an ounce of myself that ever said anything bad. And I think that's what fucks up the inner circle because they're like, oh, she was fake because she was so all in here. Yes, because someone was taking my head and shaking it violently and saying, This is your fault. You're making me shake your head because you are fucked up inside. That is so horrible to take these people that want to better themselves and you fucking rape them and you fucking do a bunch of these other things and fuck everyone in these goddamn comments as saying it wasn't rape. You said you wanted sex, like you don't own an ounce about psychology or cults. And so if you don't, then shut your fucking mouth and go watch Mark's goddamn documentary, his podcast, his every post, his memes. Like, there is more than enough out there for you to educate yourself. And if you don't understand these things, these concepts that took us years to deconstruct, I can't help you.

SPEAKER_00 57:04

You know, it always amazes me when people say, Well, she didn't say no, as though that somehow is proof of something.

SPEAKER_01 57:12

That's scary. It's scary when they say that, honestly. And like, what are you doing, buddy?

SPEAKER_00 57:17

Yeah. All right. We are now almost at four hours. Can you believe it? Somehow I can.

SPEAKER_01 57:23

I sure can, Mark.

SPEAKER_00 57:24

Somehow I can. All right, so we're gonna we're gonna do more. So for the audience to understand, there's more coming still. This is just a fraction, but there's there's there's a bunch more stuff that Jade says to share. That'll probably be another episode.

SPEAKER_03 57:35

And we'll go over Corey's YouTube, maybe, and Ben's letter.

SPEAKER_00 57:38

Corey's YouTube and Ben's letter.

SPEAKER_01 57:41

And Ben's taking my clothes off because Ben hasn't even like graced the story yet.

SPEAKER_00 57:45

So and and I and again, I mean, Bentinho, dude, I'm I'm happy to chat with you publicly. You know, you can convince me of trying to convince me of your position.

SPEAKER_02 57:55

You should have a pair of you should uh have a pair of balls and not be a pussy and come on your fucking podcast.

SPEAKER_00 58:00

I think you should have balls. I think you should talk to me. You know, I am I'm pretty open to talk about spiritual concepts, but also like I'd want to align that with reality. So like we wouldn't spend the entire conversation just talking about lofty things. We'd actually want to talk about how does that relate to this, how does that lofty thing relate to this, and then you you would try to explain to me how it relates. Um but you'd have to be honest, you know, about uh not only your philosophical concepts, but also the things that materially happened uh with the lowly mortals that were around you. I'm I'm very eager to have that conversation, Bentinho. So if anybody's near Bentinho, Bentinho has blocked me on social media, so we don't have direct contact. Um, if anybody knows him or is near him and has the balls to approach him and say, hey, Mark, Mark's open, man. He he wants to talk to you. Uh I'm here. I'm here, my man. Bentinho, I'm here.

SPEAKER_01 58:52

Also, they've been delete deleting their comments under his allegations video. Um and so we have all those screenshots because in their world, they have they it's funny because they leave them up for a little bit so that if someone that person goes back and checks for a few days later, they're like, oh look, it's there. And then they slowly delete them. And so it's all just like this is not a cult, but we're controlling the narrative. You're controlling what people are speaking. We're not deleting comments. You can see all the shitty things are saying. We don't delete anything.

SPEAKER_00 59:17

We don't delete anything. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, also I do think it's good for Bentinho's organization to know that there's an army of people screenshotting absolutely every single thing that gets posted. So even if you it it takes you a few minutes, in microseconds somebody has screenshotted that stuff. So it's a pointless, it's a pointless attempt, guys and gals. It's there's there's an army of people screenshotting stuff. And I think the army might be bigger than your army. I think. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 59:43

It's it's true. Last thing we wanted to say, uh, sorry, Jack, was to go to Gabby Petrus YouTube because she has collected these clips for over the years. Like this woman is a fucking warrior of which we can't even like get on the same level. And she's taking these clips and just really quickly, um, people like criticize her and they're like, You took this out of context. You you put you put this, like, you cut this one thing, and now now because you edited it out, the rest of it doesn't make sense. And she she's like, No, I took out the part where they're slow boiling the frog. I just showed you that the fucking frog boiled. And so there's no, don't go on there and try and bend your mind. Just look at these clips and it's the clips of hours of content.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:26

Admitting to abusing cats and stuff like that, like all the clips on her channel. So maybe we could make her.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:29

I'll put that in the I'll put that in the show notes for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:32

Amazing. Awesome. Thank you, Gabby.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:34

Thank you guys. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:35

Thank you.