Resurrecting the Muse: Unveiling the Transformative Power of Healing Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Grief

In this captivating episode, our host, Elena Box, a remarkable Shamanic Death Doula and Comedienne, shares an intimate conversation with her ex-girlfriend, Gina Bloemers, about her transformative journey of nourishing her inner muse. Together, they delve into the depths of abandonment, grief, and heartbreak, exploring how these seemingly dark experiences have played a profound role in shaping her creative spirit.

As Elena opens up about her personal encounters with abandonment, grief, and heartbreak, listeners are invited into a world of vulnerability and resilience. With poignant anecdotes and raw honesty, she reveals how these challenging moments acted as catalysts for her creative growth, rather than roadblocks.

Drawing upon her shamanic practices and comedic talents, our host intricately weaves together the threads of her story, highlighting the ways in which she transformed her pain into a source of inspiration. Through the power of laughter and ritual, she found solace and healing, allowing her inner muse to emerge from the depths of despair.

Guided by her ex-girlfriend's insightful questions, Elena offers practical advice and meaningful reflections on embracing the creative potential within even the most heart-wrenching experiences. Listeners will discover how to navigate their own journeys of abandonment, grief, and heartbreak, understanding that these profound emotions can serve as fuel for artistic expression and personal growth.

Tackling the complexities of the human experience with wit and wisdom, this episode will leave listeners inspired and empowered to embrace their own transformative journeys. Join us as we delve into the depths of the soul, exploring how nourishing the inner muse can arise from the most unexpected places.


FOLLOW Gina on IG: @shapeshift_
FOLLOW Elena on IG: @elenabox

Song by Regina Spektor "On the Radio"
Lyrics : You laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh

Transcript

00:00.00
elenabox
Hello and welcome back to season 2 of the ode to joy podcast I am your host shamanic death Doula and Comedian Alena box coming to you with this. First episode of season 2 and I'm so excited to introduce you to my dear friend gina bloomers welcome Gina

00:20.84
Gina Bloemers
Hello Elena thank you for having me hoy.

00:28.56
elenabox
So um, as I was thinking about introducing this topic for season 2 of the o to joy podcast I was talking to Gina about it and she was like well why don't I just interview you for the first episode I'm pretty sure you're the one who had this idea weren't you eugen.

00:42.58
Gina Bloemers
I Think so I'm pretty sure I came up with this.

00:45.67
elenabox
Yeah, was yeah, this was all your idea. Um, and so here we are doing it and it's great because really I was going to do a solo episode to introduce the topic but then she had this idea and I love it. So we're going with it. Um, and all right? So let's just get started first of all because here's the thing once we get started Gina's going to be asking me all of the questions which is really exciting like I'm going to let myself be interviewed. Um, so this is an opportunity for new listeners people who are new to the show to get to know me a little bit get to know my world. Um, and then I'll introduce the topic in a moment and then we're going to get started with Gina's questions um but Gina can you tell us a little bit about who you are where your where you are and what do you do.

01:25.50
Gina Bloemers
Um, is.

01:33.58
Gina Bloemers
Well I am currently in Los Angeles I am 1 of your closest dearest sisters and x and I am um I will say what I do for a living is I teach tennis. To children and adults and we met during my spiritual awakening that I had which you helped walk me through during our relationship and so I I do feel that I know you better than most people. And we have a great even deeper friendship now because of all that we've gone through um and yeah now now our friendship I feel is even even more more grounded and powerful than than it. It's ever been. So. Um, I'm very excited to interview you and get get into the deep deep good stuff.

02:39.16
elenabox
I'm very excited that Gina's here to talk with you dear listener to be to share her voice with you because this is also very I would say from knowing you very well we were together for almost four years is like being a. Publicly speaking publicly is maybe like your biggest fear am I right on that.

02:56.53
Gina Bloemers
It's definitely not my jam. No um and and it's your and and it's your it's your catip for sure and I've always wondered how how you thrive in that in that world.

02:57.99
elenabox
So that when you.

03:07.39
elenabox
Um, yeah, yeah I mean I love it. It's something that I've always done I Really enjoy doing it and um so here we are I'm excited that you're here to interview me and I thought about also because it's like pride month. Um, also to just be like to I guess like.

03:14.38
Gina Bloemers
Um, and.

03:24.32
elenabox
The people who didn't know that I had a girlfriend for 4 years kind of like a Tuesday it's like there is this time I was like I was like maybe I should try to be a lesbian for a little bit and yeah and we did I tried it I done did.

03:29.64
Gina Bloemers
Um, Prince is love it.

03:33.64
Gina Bloemers
You know I cameium now and we done did it. We done did it? Yeah nine you know.

03:42.86
elenabox
Done did it and then I figured I was like you know I think not really for me, but you know but ladies listen Gina's single she's on the market so you know take a look at the pickics. She's so highly recommend. Um.

03:50.52
Gina Bloemers
Oh my goodness.

03:58.20
elenabox
But here's the thing. So the reason I wanted also for you to interview me is like you said you know me better than most and we have luckily this beautiful friendship after being in deep relationship which I think is something really truly special and I feel truly blessed. To still have you in my life in such a deep way because you are somebody who really brings out so much of my joy. I mean we get together and we laugh for hours I mean we get each other's humor and um so it's something I feel I feel very very blessed and so the other part of this is like when we talk about the subject. It's like It's so good to have people around you who get your essence and um so Gina you are one of these people who I get your essence you get my essence and then together we just kind of like jam in this like essence juice.

04:38.97
Gina Bloemers
Yes.

04:46.55
Gina Bloemers
I mean even before the podcast started. We were almost on the floor laughing. So I thought we roll.

04:52.84
elenabox
On the floor laughing. So ah, we should probably say Gina convinced me to do this stuff called mombe which you combine with ambile. So right now both of us have this like green teasque powder.

05:04.86
Gina Bloemers
Um, the reason we're not covid.

05:07.41
elenabox
In our cheeks and it's like juicy and weird. Can you describe this for our guest because you're the one who told me to try this and how here we are can you just describe this please.

05:13.54
Gina Bloemers
The Mommbe. So um, the umbile is just very so Strong. Um tobacco that you put a little pea size I use a I use ah a chopstick and you put it in your cheek and then you put the Mome powder which is from the Jungle. Um, and you mix them in your cheek and it is very good for meditation. But also you know it's like it's grounding but it also kind of helps you focus and it's activating. Um, you know we also can call it. Nature's adderall I'm not really sure.

05:52.83
elenabox
So.

05:53.40
Gina Bloemers
I Mean it's just a very I prefer it to caffeine. It doesn't make you jittery. It's very and it's very subtle because it's just the pure powder of the plant that will make you a thin man come on.

06:05.41
elenabox
That's just the pure pal of the plant man. So like here we are. We've We're totally ascending over here and we're like very serious spiritual practitioners. So take us Seriously, that's the thing about Gene is that.

06:15.70
Gina Bloemers
Now we got the umbile. Fourth.

06:20.70
elenabox
You know, maybe on the outside you know you would look at her and be like she's just a tennis teacher but actually she knows a lot of I think some of the deepest sort of Esoteric truths. Um, and so it's really fun to get into conversation with her again lady she's sangal.

06:36.72
Gina Bloemers
But technical.

06:36.79
elenabox
Um, okay so let's introduce The topic of the day and she's on Tinder or which which app are you on so that people can find you? ah.

06:44.84
Gina Bloemers
It go run help me I downloaded again and I have met no one I Just it's just a. It's a bit much I'm a tourist. It's a bit hectic to even go into those realms I expect hear it.

06:53.10
elenabox
Know she's a tourus.

06:59.83
Gina Bloemers
I Expect spirit to bring people right into my field I I don't really want to do much you know.

07:03.96
elenabox
And they do spirit does and Gina's just a very specific gem of a person. So um, maybe you're just a little bit. Yeah I don't know specific but it's good to it's good to have standards. Okay, it's good to have standards ladies and darma. So. Let's get to the topic of the day and then we'll talk more about what a catch you are and a little um, but um, so the topic of the day. The topic of the season is 7 minutes end finally we're getting to the topic. It is the muse.

07:20.50
Gina Bloemers
Welcome.

07:31.49
elenabox
Um, and so there's this whole idea that each of us is born with this kind of like inherent genius that we're born with that. We come to this earth with and it's sort of our job so to speak to harness it to nurture it to nourish it. So that we can let it out and share it with the world and so I chose this as the topic for season 2 because I really wanted to talk to other people about how they have come into conversation with their inner muse because I think it's almost like a battle so to speak because it's something that we're born with and we know we have it. But. Um, there comes a time where you're kind of face to face with it and either you have to choose to follow it and allow it to come out which can also be terrifying or you can choose to silence it. But I think it'll always be there knocking on your back door. It's like this little. On your back door on your tush. It's going to be knocking on your tush saying hello listen to me I'm here. Um, and so yeah I wanted to have Gina on to ask me a couple of questions. Um by somebody who will just say this. Um.

08:28.60
Gina Bloemers
So.

08:42.76
elenabox
Gina really taught me what it was to allow myself to be loved fully for who I am and you're someone who I was able to fully be myself and all of my strange characters. You're also fluent in my personal language which maybe we'll get into ah we'll see.

08:56.86
Gina Bloemers
Maybe you'll go there.

09:01.75
elenabox
Ah, and so yeah, let's that's really the the name of the game here. We're going to be talking about it all season 2 we're going to bring be bringing on some amazing guests who have really harnessed their inner genius their inner interviews their inner Damon is another way to say it. Um, and so today we're going to be talking all about my in. Genius.

09:19.71
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, yeah, are you ready.

09:25.94
elenabox
I'm ready for the question. So now I'm gonna I'm Goingnna take try as best I can to take my host self into the backse into the passenger I'm going to be backseat driver over here and I'm gonna let yourself let you.

09:31.36
Gina Bloemers
Um, relax with them relax yourself up.

09:40.69
elenabox
Take it away take it away. Gina bloomer's.

09:41.30
Gina Bloemers
Okay, so my first question for you is I want to ask you first to define your unique Damon and your service to humanity talk about a bit what that is and then when did you start to understand that this was your path.

09:59.44
elenabox
Wow, That's such a good question define and describe my inner damon.

10:04.91
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, and and as you talk about it tell us when in your life that that became more of a clear path for you when did you first realize that this is or service to us.

10:23.49
elenabox
Mm ok so wow I feel like ah all of those the answers all kind of come together as I start to think about it. Um, my inner Damon is something that I was literally born with so. Um I like to say that I came out of the womb tap dancing. Um, whether I was good at it or not it didn't really matter as long as I was in the joy of it. Um I just went with it and so another thing um that I always had was ah my my mother said that maybe this is. Again, counsel and appropriation. But you know she she would say my native american name is wakes up singing because from a very young age The first thing I did in the morning you remember this would I not wake up singing.

10:58.60
Gina Bloemers
Now you do? Yeah yeah, your toes would be dancing and be a whole I mean it would be a whole sing along it was a bit early for that. Well.

11:07.96
elenabox
Base it was a bit early from the moment I wake up I'm already in a different character. There's there's a persona that comes out from the moment I wake up I'm singing I have songs about you know I'd be a little kid getting dressed I'd be like I'm putting on my shows and today is gonna be a day. And I think from a very young age I always had this interest in play and really allowing my imagination to come out and creating these different worlds by way of creating different characters and I speak a little bit about this in the book. But the. How it essentially came out was I would create these characters. Um, that were sort of leaps and bounds ah different from me and my life experience. Um, and these characters would sort of give me the strength that I needed to go through some of the most challenging difficult heartbreaking. Experiences of my life I was about um twelve year old when I first discovered my Garrick Margerrie and Marjorie is this James Mu Marjorie she's bed. So I'd be 12 years old doing this character.

12:10.88
Gina Bloemers
Oh yeah I remember yeah I used to make sure.

12:21.89
elenabox
And and marjorie you know she was yeah I'm just a badass so you know I could put up with anything and I was twelve years old and around me you know 119 was happening I was in living in New York it was all during a time when I was becoming estranged from my family very heartbreaking time. But. I would create these characters who were perhaps who had um I guess like elements of personality that I needed so Marge was extremely strong or you know I would have a lot of them would be a lot older. You know I'd have I have a lot of like old man characters or like strange characters who. Um, that's when I first started developing my australian character was around that age who was just like up for an adventure and up for um, you know discovering new things out in the outback and um so I started creating my own films and um so I think that's where it all really. Began was from this very young age of using play to create characters and to create worlds that gave me insight into life and allowed me to view life in a different lens to sort of make sense of of everything that was happening around me.

13:32.51
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, that's move Also this the stra accent. Love you Also built me into it but now it's a bit triggering and I still fucking. Do it no on me but I still didn't like know to bit triggering what it.

13:38.35
elenabox
Yeah I've brought you on to it too. It's it's a little bit hard. You know after your data in ausie it all goes downhill from there. So yeah for a while my Siri was auszzie and I was like after my australian boyfriend I was like oh don't know I should probably change this and then I was like yes, screw it I'll just keep it just keep it made all right? How how did I answer that.

13:52.32
Gina Bloemers
But you going to do.

13:59.40
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, just keep a mate.

14:06.41
Gina Bloemers
Beautifully and I wanted to ask then you know that's when you were 12 and you were harnessing these gifts. Um, when your father passed that kind of enhanced I feel the depth that you went.

14:10.39
elenabox
With whom.

14:23.12
Gina Bloemers
Into the realms of grief and I feel like on the other end of that there is joy right right? So There's like when you go that deep into Grief. You can then even almost harness that at a more powerful level. Um. So when I wanted to ask when you were a bit older and you were going through that with your father. How did that shape your gifts which are you know, deep joy Comedy humor and celebration of life.

14:59.61
elenabox
How did that experience inform ah coming into that joy in my performance and in in how I come out with all of my ridiculousness into the world.

15:02.50
Gina Bloemers
Inform. Yeah yeah.

15:07.97
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, do you feel? Do you feel that it that it helped you that it that going through that brought you deeper into your your damon in in that way because when I met you Your father had recently passed. And I looked at you and this is before anything had happened but I was like you're one of the strongest people I've ever seen and I just couldn't believe how strong you had become from that and that was one of the things I just remember thinking How is this person that I'm just meeting so strong I've never met someone. Is the strong and it was very inspiring and it really drew me to you and I was like you know that experience you went through I'm curious how that informed where you are now in your all your gifts that you have. Created through all that Alchemy Alchemy is the word. Ah oh Man. So.

16:06.66
elenabox
Um, Alchemy is the word baby Alchemy is the word. It is the word I Love that then you're making me cry serious making me cry already. Oh man, it's.

16:24.20
elenabox
Um, you know it's interesting. So when my father was sick when he first got sick it was when I was doing standup comedy performing in New York City and when he got sick. It was suddenly like not that I didn't have jokes like I still had jokes but I was 22 23 years old and I didn't know how to. Say like yeah I'm literally changing the adult diapers of like a man who's six foot 2 and has the personality of a toddler and a sixteen year old boy like in one and I didn't I didn't know how to like synthesize my jokes at that time because also it was so hard and for anybody who has taken care of a loved one. While they're sick. Even even if they don't end up croaking at the end of it. Um, it's it's a physically emotionally spiritually taxing experience that requires you to be so completely present with what's happening and so I really it was one of those moments where I didn't have a choice. But to go through it and to really look at it and I think that's perhaps an opportunity that many people bypass as they're going through a very very deep and heartbreaking experience. No matter what it is no matter what kind of loss you're going through. Is to kind of like you know brush it under the carpet and not look at it and I chose to really embrace what was happening and what was happening and I write about this in my book grieve outside the books available now on Amazon um I talk about how when he got sick. Um, you know I'd always been a very spiritual person.

17:57.71
elenabox
And been practicing yoga for over a decade at that point ish and I essentially went through what we call a spiritual awakening and it was fach and terrifying absolutely terrifying because here I was. 23 years old and I started having these spiritual gifts turn on and I didn't know what they were and I was really freaked out I was like okay I'm losing my mind and perhaps like a normal person I don't know like somebody else might be like wow. Okay, so I'm having some really interesting experiences like maybe I should talk to somebody about it and I did I talked to people about it. But I mostly was I basically chose to dive into more of this spiritual research to understand what it was I was going through because I knew surely that this was a gift I knew sort of right away. It was so powerful. That it had to be for for the sake of this experience. Um, and so I chose to put my comedy career on hold. Although this was after like even when he was sick I ended up producing my own sketch comedy pilot where I showcase 6 of my different characters male and female. It's like. Beautiful. It's a masterpiece and I had every intention of like you know shopping it around I started talking to different networks about it and then my dad's illness sort of took a turn for the worse and I had this moment where like throughout this process. All of these spiritual gifts were turning on which I can talk a little bit more about if if you want to hear but um.

19:27.54
elenabox
But I had this moment where you know yes, I'd been able to continue to like work on my comedy and try to move forward in my career but this call to spirituality to the work and the world of shamanism was calling me so much louder and. I had this moment it was after I was in Peru I went down to Peru essentially I went down to Peru to work with the master plant teacher ayahuasca um, essentially to restart my career and to put some fire at my ass because I had just produced this sketch comedy pilot I'd invested a ton of money in it.

19:57.99
Gina Bloemers
Um, in this.

20:06.27
elenabox
And there was just nothing in me that was interested in like and and putting it out in like in like putting the fire putting putting some logs on that fire like nothing nothing in me and so I went down to Peru to be like all right girl like let's get the inspiration going and what ended up happening was like I came out of that experience. Essentially with like the top completely popped off like I had already been having these deep spiritual experiences. But.

20:30.86
Gina Bloemers
Um, who not popping off this and that melt that I was a oh warning. There was no poppo anymore.

20:36.65
elenabox
Y'all we we we pop that top right? off you know there was no putting it back on wait and you know basically I was that one with all matter and existence all at once and.

20:47.50
Gina Bloemers
All the same.

20:50.70
elenabox
You know I liken it to that moment in the matrix where they say you know if Morpheus gives Neo the option of like take the red pill or the blue pill kind of a thing and literally nothing was the same and so it was after that that I had this moment where like all I could do and thank god I had the privilege to do this but all I could do was literally like.

20:59.16
Gina Bloemers
The what.

21:10.58
elenabox
Sit in meditation for hours on end and receive downloads. We talk about like downloads but like literally information from the universe flowing down into my crown for hours like molasses just pouring into me.

21:18.52
Gina Bloemers
Outwards.

21:25.18
elenabox
I couldn't walk down the street because I would look in somebody's eyes and I would see their entire life I would see all of their ancestors I would see their hopes their fears their dreams like I couldn't ride the subway because it was just like I was living in Brooklyn and greenpoint at the time and it was overwhelming I literally was like handicapped by having my top so completely.

21:37.54
Gina Bloemers
And who.

21:44.64
elenabox
Blown The heck off and so I had this moment where I made the choice of like all I want to do is continue to study shamanism and study these tools so that I can hone and harness these gifts that had turned on um and I remember sitting on my living room floor in greenpoint and just being like. I think I need to become a shaman I Just so is it's time for shamanism like you know like it's so classic but you know I Just really realized like.

22:05.24
Gina Bloemers
Um, it's time. It's time for shamanism I Miss go.

22:18.84
elenabox
That's the thing like when the Damon comes to you and it's so interesting because I always thought like but Alena your Damon is performance is comedy is all of these things like how are you going to work this in and it's been a process of weaving them together. But I had to say yes to that path for. I don't know something like 7 years where I dove into deep deep deep study within myself studying with different teachers apprenticing with them shamanic practitioners. Um, but I actually had to say yes to it because it was so loud and uncomfortable that I couldn't say no.

22:51.88
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, so that that specific Damon came in a bit later on the path.

22:59.40
elenabox
It came in ah in a little bit later but I always knew that there was something magic about performance and I always knew that there was something ah thatnessicqua that that.

23:05.65
Gina Bloemers
Yeah.

23:10.38
elenabox
That exchange of energy that couldn't be quantified because when I would get up on stage and I would perform I would feel the energy of the audrians and I could feel when I had them with me and I could feel you know my biggest goal I think when I was first starting out and learning to perform or learn or just. Honing my gifts as a performer was I wanted to give people the gift of transporting them into a different world so that um, you know they could not necessarily forget about their lives for a moment but to give them a moment of being transported somewhere else so that they could leave with a new sense of insight. And so I always felt that you know the theater was my temple. It was a very sacred space where we could be transported into these different places and we could have this exchange of energy and like the feeling that I would feel as a young girl going to see Broadway shows or.

23:47.89
Gina Bloemers
Okay.

24:02.89
elenabox
Going to the philharmonic or the opera or the ballet like I was very privileged and lucky that I was able to be to grow up in New York city or not in New York city I'm a suburban girl but you know to to have that experience of being an audience member and.

24:13.15
Gina Bloemers
Also.

24:19.34
elenabox
Feeling all of us together having this collective experience of you know, profound joy or deep sorrow and sadness or you know listening to a piece of music or or watching a play I could I could sense that there was something really alchemical in that and so. It's not too far off, but it was kind of like the shaman The the shamanism track was a bit like well how the hell like it wasn't it too much of a surprise but it was a bit like well this is Awkward. You know, but yeah.

24:45.76
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, this is gonna get is gonna get real interesting but my in my experience with you as a shaman I mean have been very powerful. You're the only one that's ever called in my entire team of guides into the room Still I.

25:00.42
elenabox
The.

25:03.61
Gina Bloemers
I Mean it's still to this day like how did that happen. You know, do you remember when I had shingles and you um and you did this whole thing and you pulled this crazy thing out of me just kind of casually as you were bringing me some snacks and you did a whole.

25:09.28
elenabox
Oh do I Remember when you had shingles. Yes, ah yes.

25:23.35
Gina Bloemers
You know shamanic healing I mean just of of all the the people who I who I trust and look up to in those realms they would definitely be you because you've really showed um really showed how how powerful. You are when you tap into those realms and I again, always I always look up to that because I've had you know moments of fear in that realm of oh my god it's too Blasty I'm I'm I'm too I'm too blown open right now and you've always been someone that I can go to that grounds me and and can help me move through. All those spaces. So um, and I I do want to ask you a bit about kind of heartbreak and abandonment now because thank.

26:13.19
elenabox
Oh juicy, my favorite topics.

26:17.58
Gina Bloemers
I know and also that's alive for me as well at the time at this moment and as you know you are like my second therapist you're kind of almost my main. You're not my main therapist but I do go to could you have a lot. You have a lot I don't say.

26:20.59
elenabox
At this moment.

26:30.98
elenabox
Because you don't pay me Gene You don't pay me enough all right.

26:36.45
Gina Bloemers
But you've you've had a lot more experience with abandonment and heartbreak than I have okay, let's be real so you really letting go you really know these waters in so many different realms and I'm like this my first real experience with abandonment and working with it and.

26:40.89
elenabox
Um, what can I say I'm an abandonment heartbreak queen. What can I say and I abandon me please? Yeah yeah.

26:55.87
Gina Bloemers
You know for me I find it so precious. You know it's so it's something that I find it. It can be a bit overwhelming and it can really live with you in a way and it is its its own gift which I feel is maybe the most powerful gift I've received so.

26:56.90
elenabox
So sweet so precious.

27:13.58
Gina Bloemers
So far in my life of oh I have had a pretty comfortable life I will say but in so far as like the the pain teacher and like it's it's just in my pocket all the time as this gift of that's carving me out making room for things doing some very deep deep work.

27:32.30
elenabox
Is.

27:32.50
Gina Bloemers
Kind of daily you know and it's it's it's with me more than anything has been with me and so yeah, just so the gift of abandonment.

27:37.70
elenabox
Yeah.

27:48.63
Gina Bloemers
Just want to ask you and kind of how that's help you shape who you are.

28:00.24
elenabox
Who.

28:11.73
elenabox
Ah, it's such a deep question because you know, ah, it's like if I could have it my way none of us would ever be abandoned in this life. You know and and if we could love others so freely. Without that fear. It would be such a beautiful world. It's not something I would ever wish upon anybody and at the same time I know in my opinion you know we come down here to learn these heartbreaking lessons because no matter what even if. You know we have a beautiful loving partner through through our whole lives like at 1 point either. We will die or they will die and so in some ways it it is a moment of abandonment or or a loved one will pass. Um, and so it is this like universal life experience that does change you. In a profound way if you let it? Oh. It's a big one. How does it shape who you are can you ask me more specifically what you're curious about.

29:11.53
Gina Bloemers
Um, well in those in those times where you've been where you've felt those people who you've loved who've just right? your family when you were 12 and I don't if I mean to get specific but straling guy hey not the strong and but what's going on with those lie who all she paint. Um.

29:31.73
elenabox
My Ah we ain't name and names. But we see you stray Up. He's like listening at home like Cryy a cop believe it talking about me, you. And then my recent heartbreak experience. Yeah I've got I've got it all.

29:46.88
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, and your your recent experience as well. I mean even for me I'm like I've learned so much about forgiveness from you and being able to dig so deep into the depths and just it's almost a prayer and a daily practice forgiveness now because once you get angry and you resent.

30:01.59
elenabox
Um.

30:06.23
Gina Bloemers
That's ah, that's the ego and that feels like it's it's surface level when rearing you can go back into the depths of how you first love that person and try to understand their who they really are you know and their innate beauty and and and um, you.

30:08.28
elenabox
Um, yeah.

30:26.17
Gina Bloemers
It kind of forces you to connect to a much deeper place within yourself and within them and um, you're pro. You're pro.

30:35.91
elenabox
What can I say I've walked through the fires of grief many times an abandonment and heartbreak and it's sort of a God you said it you said it quite beautifully. But it's one of these. It's just one of these things. It's kind of like.

30:42.54
Gina Bloemers
Um, and I am the mountain heartbreak.

30:55.14
elenabox
It's so unfortunate. Obviously when we have our heart broken or we're abandoned um because there's a sense of betrayal you know because you loved them so deeply and there was a sense of trust that had been broken. Um, and this one is kind of maybe a tough pill to swallow. Um, but what's coming to mind as you were just saying is I kind of can boil it all down to this idea that um you can't take anything personally like it's just not that personal. That's like right which can be snorred when you're like but I'm here.

31:31.10
Gina Bloemers
Um, but me. Yeah, anyway, let's even the rain girl.

31:31.65
elenabox
And I'm crying in the rain and you left me on the street corner. You know he left if you listen to this Aussie You know what you did? no, but but but like the truth is like it's just not that fucking personal like.

31:41.54
Gina Bloemers
Um, ah.

31:48.82
elenabox
You know or when it comes down to my family like I was a child I had no part in what happened it was. It was a a feud and estrangement that happened within the adults of my family and so I had no part in it. But of course like as a child or as a human at any point in our lives it. It does like. Trigger that little wounded child who's who's saying like well what's wrong with me like why wasn't I enough and so I struggled and I I wrestled with that ah feeling of unworthiness from the year from when I was twelve years old until maybe only recently and still that wound gets rewoken every time something like this happens which is that question of like why wasn't I enough why wasn't I lovable enough for you to stick around and. What it comes down to when you continue to run it through and run it through and run it through and run it through over years or hopefully it's not years you know hopefully you just like get it really quick. But when when it when you run it through you remember that they're humans too and.

32:42.47
Gina Bloemers
And did I know I took those.

32:54.85
elenabox
For whatever they did. They made those choices for themselves to serve themselves. But I would say generally most likely not in a way to hurt you on Purpose. It was more just like humans are imperfect and the delivery is not always how we would want it to be. Um, but people how do I say people make choices for themselves in moments where they feel Perhaps they're not able to show up for you in that way of integrity with full love and they don't have the courage. To look you in the eye and to tell you the truth to help to tell you their truth and maybe they can only say it in the ways that they can which which might be just leaving and coasting or whatever that is you know?? Um and we have to accept that and we also have to remember that it literally is not personal. It doesn't have any reflection on.

33:42.51
Gina Bloemers
Okay.

33:51.33
elenabox
Our worthiness at all like we are so loved and lovable for who we are regardless of who's in our lives or not and I know that's so easy to say when you're like ah.

34:02.25
Gina Bloemers
I Took you all to get Um, but maybe I mean it must have taken you a bit of time to get to this real I mean you're very strong in this right now and I'm on my way I'm getting there you know day by day girl. But.

34:09.70
elenabox
Yeah, you're getting it day by day baby. But you'll dip back. You'll always dip back in you know and there's gonna be moments and and yeah I'm on the other side of it now but like talk to me I don't know five months ago I was on the frickin floor.

34:23.61
Gina Bloemers
All her off.

34:26.77
elenabox
Like walking through the streets of Paris sad girl paris chain smoking my cigarettes being like why wasn't I good enough but slowly I built myself back up and I think that's the thing too is like and that's where we bring the muse back in because it's like it. It gives it strips grief and abandonment and betrayal. It it strips you down totally bare because all of a sudden you don't have this other person to sort of reflect back like this is who I am this is my role in the world. These are the people who support me so suddenly it's just you with you so you've got to get real good with you and to also like fall back in love with yourself. And so that's what I did like even though I was heartbroken. You know scrounging I mean listen I was okay but like it was fun hard like you know this grief cycle I just went through but I picked up all these little pieces and I had these little whispers of like. You know I always think of that moment in Lion King where they're like he's like Simba remember who you are Simba you.

35:26.75
Gina Bloemers
I was saying that to myself the other day and a minute I was like remember who you are and I just kept repeating that was like you just got to get back on your on your innate blueprint.

35:38.67
elenabox
Yeah, get back on your game on your blueprint like stick get back in your lane. What are the things that inspire you what are the things that fire you up. What are the things that like get you excited and and are also like really maybe a little bit edgy and outside of your comfort zone. Um. And what are the things that are gonna help you grow as a person so that you can get super solid in yourself because when you're super solid and your cup is full. That's the place that you can. We always say like yeah gonna fill up your cup first. But like that's the place where you can begin to love again and become this like full chalice of overflowing. Joy and love for all humanity. But it's because you've taken that time to like allow your cup to be completely emptied I'm not trying to sugarcoat this and be like like oh you're heartbroken like let just pour some sugar on puls I'll sugar. Um no like.

36:21.52
Gina Bloemers
Just eat more your step ball. Let's keep doing your cup.

36:27.19
elenabox
Like you need to go and be in like the sourness of it. You need to go be in like the putrid nastiness of it. You need to go be in the like you know, sit in mud for a week and surrounded by Maggots and nasty like like like we're not sugar coating digging around in the mud as much as you can.

36:39.38
Gina Bloemers
Vietnam dig it big implement. But yeah, yeah.

36:47.13
elenabox
And eventually once you've you know, sort of gotten tired hanging out with slugs. You'll be like I like let me get out there I got yeah like we.

36:53.91
Gina Bloemers
Um, you like hours or like those have always been there I was only looking down the mud where those come from.

37:03.42
elenabox
Where did those come from but it's a process and I think that's the thing it's it's giving yourself that gift of going through the process remembering. It's literally not personal and at the end of the day you always have you. And this is maybe also a little bit macab but you know like I'm a death Doula. So like I always love to bring death into every conversation because I think it's the ultimate teacher. But I'll hearken back to 1 of my faved movies of all time Donny Darko did you ever see Donny Darko Jim oh my god god it's.

37:33.40
Gina Bloemers
Um I don't think so did I whys but look I've seen that.

37:36.90
elenabox
Geez gene get on get on it. But basically I can't believe I can't this is like a cornerstone of my childhood of my teenagehood. My pilot my pilot all right. We'll get there. We'll get there Jane we'll get there. But basically he has this moment where he's where he's talking to his therapist and.

37:44.81
Gina Bloemers
Um, honest, well you still haven't showed me your your comedy sketch What I want. Okay, okay.

37:55.70
elenabox
And he basically says like all humans like all of us die alone and that's really the truth of it like all people we all die alone and so maybe you might think like oh that's so sad like I don't want to die alone but and even so you might be surrounded by loved ones and all that if you're lucky. But the reality is like you have to go through that alone by yourself like as a singular soul you have to go through that light go through that Tunnel Gene's face is like um, ah.

38:17.79
Gina Bloemers
Ah I'm hoping that I go after you so you can come. You can come hang out and you can just say come on. Oh that's a good one come on.

38:29.90
elenabox
I'll be on the other side of the tunnel like come along Dna we got you you know, but you you're born I mean yes, you're with your mother as you and your mother was very.

38:34.30
Gina Bloemers
You can do it I'm like no I can't deal with this. It's too.

38:41.20
elenabox
Involved during your birth from the spirit world in some sense but also your guides were there to guide you through from your story. You've shared with me you know, but but ultimately like it's a leap that you have to take on your own. So.

38:45.15
Gina Bloemers
Yes, yes.

38:52.87
elenabox
When it comes to these abandonment things like it doesn't mean to become so individualized that you're like a stone wall and you don't let anybody in but it's more like you get so solid in yourself that it doesn't matter if people stick around or not because you're just going to keep on like loving and loving and loving and I always bring myself back to this idea of. Anytime I feel fear in opening myself up to love I Just ask what would Love. Do.

39:15.85
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, oh yeah, because now you'll you are you are different now in a good way right? you are I would say.

39:19.37
elenabox
Who.

39:32.21
Gina Bloemers
We were talking a week ago and I was like who who are you? you're so you're so strong in your truth and what you deserve and what you'll accept into your field and I think that that's the lesson I'm starting to get also from what's happening. Um and it also brings me back to.

39:48.43
elenabox
Um.

39:51.33
Gina Bloemers
A bit when we were together and you had a very strong abandonment wound and you would kind of be like oh you know you would always think that it was like over after like a little you know stiff that we would have like girl.

40:03.30
elenabox
Yeah, yeah.

40:07.50
Gina Bloemers
But I'm putting I had the metaphor of you know I'm mad at you but I'm putting putting an umbrella over you in the rain still you know and like I'm not going anywhere and no matter what ever I've got my you know tourist boulder staying power and my undying Love. So That's that's just how I roll. And I think that that was healing for you. Um, and I think that almost I'm realizing now with everything I'm going through is I now understand that part of you very deeply.

40:45.92
Gina Bloemers
Like I understand I understand your banhement wound very deeply Now you know I as I look back and I and I and I remember everything about our relationship and how how we kept you, you kept having to come back to trust.

40:51.14
elenabox
Welcome to us.

41:01.54
Gina Bloemers
And go oh my God Really, you're still here. No matter what I can't believe and I said yeah of course I'm not going anywhere ever you know and I was like why you have have to always you know remind you of these things but I know now I with what's with with what's happened that I'm I'm feeling. I'm feeling now that also within me that that that trust is not entirely I'm a very innately trusting person. It's like built into me I'm just like all right? You know, let's let's do the thing but I. I look back and I I see your wound from an entirely different perspective and I I'm in that same alchemy as well now. So We we we out here? yeah.

41:51.12
elenabox
We out here.

41:55.91
Gina Bloemers
But now I look at you, You're like on the top of a mountain your got like the sun shining behind your head and you're like wella. Let's do this, You know like all right? Well I've seen I've seen you go through. We know the things and I know I can ah figure it out I'll get there.

41:56.91
elenabox
Yeah.

42:11.33
elenabox
You'll get there but listen the top of the mountain the top of one mountain is the bottom of the next. So you know we're always going to be dipping in it out and we never have it fully figured out. Ah yeah.

42:16.86
Gina Bloemers
It's Accurate. Just you're done just when you think you're done. You know, just when I think I'm done spirit comes in it just kicks me right back down I'm like really really all right I was I was feeling good. No no, you're Back. You're back in the grief I was talking to you also and I was like.

42:28.56
elenabox
Yeah, who bulls? yeah.

42:36.53
elenabox
Your mm.

42:39.59
Gina Bloemers
Um, Lena is it normal to be triggered by a season and you told me yes, it's okay I've been there and I'm like word word steep.

42:43.91
elenabox
Um, um, yeah, that's a big thing with grief is coming back as of course ah in life like you know. Anywhere you are. There's going to be different seasons or different moments or different months and there's these anniversaries I call them like grief aversaries or when somebody has experienced a loss It's like death aversaries which can be a time of year and so I grew up with that from a young age like even just you know it'd be like every holiday Thanksgiving or. You know Christmas like all of these times of year where you're not even sure why because you might not even know like oh this date is coming up on the calendar that some certain thing happened andda da but then suddenly like why do I feel so damn depressed and then you realize like oh no, it's because this is the same time of year when this thing happened and so. I write in my book like it's really good to prepare yourself like to arm yourself so that you know when those types of things are going to come up and then you can really support yourself in the best way because inevitably like you will most likely be triggered and so how can you. Best prepare for that and make sure you have like all the cozy things so that your friends are like on speed dial and you like have the snacks and like whatever it is you need. But yeah time of year like even just the scent in the air. You'll be like I remember it was this time of a year. Yes, the air was crisp and the sun rose.

43:55.71
Gina Bloemers
Route. I Remember everything.

44:07.37
elenabox
This time you know and it can send you right back into that. Yeah, it's tough big 1

44:12.42
Gina Bloemers
Exactly anticipatory grief what you call it because that I'm experiencing my very first anticipatory grief because I have to grow europe im like ah most people are.

44:20.77
elenabox
Um, yeah, you have to go to Europe.

44:24.85
Gina Bloemers
Really excited to go to Europe and I'm like oh I don't know if I'm ready I don't know if I'm ready for a summer Europe trip.

44:30.22
elenabox
Well, that's the thing. So so for those of you who don't know no maybe I shouldn't totally blast you off, but but basically, but but Gina last summer was traveling with her former partner through Europe and they had this amazing trip.

44:35.50
Gina Bloemers
That even block I Really don't care.

44:46.61
Gina Bloemers
Um, yeah, ah the four month of bubble the most beautiful portal you could imagine.

44:47.88
elenabox
Gallivanting through Europe like living like under the tuscan sun style and now now she's going back? Yes and now she's going back and so of course but it's those things that like yeah, you can avoid it and avoid it for I don't know. As long as you can but at a certain point you have to face it and I'm all about that like exposure therapy but like doing it in ways that you know you're gonna be supported and and setting yourself up so that you have yeah that you have the support you need. So it's it's probably gonna be hard and you're gonna do it and is it's.

45:20.13
Gina Bloemers
Um.

45:24.41
elenabox
It is gonna be what it is but I think it's better that you do it now than to be like and I never went back to Europe for another fifty years was your land First you know yes, it's your lands.

45:29.97
Gina Bloemers
And then I never went to the Motherland I mean it's my motherland just come on man. Ah, it's my land and my lands. Yeah well you were just you know what? what I would give by the way to see your Parisian comedy set. What I would give I'm just un bummed that I missed that honestly.

45:48.37
elenabox
I I know I know well stay tuned. Um I am going to be putting out more live performances soon coming to a city near you. But definitely I had a whole set about how when I tried to be a lesbian. And figured out it wasn't for me, you know I mean we all have ah we all have the things we like. But no I mean it was. That's as I said before it's like it was one of the most healing relationships because you really taught me what it was to be with a secure love and to know what it was to be loved really unconditionally and I'm so happy that we have this.

46:04.73
Gina Bloemers
Let me have the safe.

46:23.55
elenabox
Friendship still enduring friendship. Do you have any other questions for me Dave.

46:25.44
Gina Bloemers
Yeah, during from my whole deep deep I think I do I think I need to go p though so you gotta have to come that out. Sorry right? Um I.

46:35.28
elenabox
Okay, I'm going to pause it.

46:43.80
Gina Bloemers
1 no well I guess it's ah it's ah a question about the alchemy of grief and when you really consciously dive into it. Um, where it can take you where it has taken you. This is also just a question that. Been wanting to ask you and you told me to save it for the podcast. So well this is a kind of crazy one. But I have had 2 different experiences where this has happened but I begin with the grief which is a heartbreak grief that's where it begins right? and this is this is in ceremony.

47:02.68
elenabox
Oh I've been waiting for this one.

47:21.30
Gina Bloemers
In Ceremony where space is being held and there may be a micro but a microdose involved right? So I'm only we gonna be a little micro du involved. So I'm going really deep with intentions of just diving deep and and I really create the space for it and.

47:26.37
elenabox
Maybe a micro dog.

47:40.87
Gina Bloemers
Um, in in these these 2 times where it's happened. It's only happened with with the help of the mushies I've done the ceremony with no mushies and it's just been the heartbreak grief but I've had some experience where I I start to dive so deep that I'm almost going.

48:00.25
Gina Bloemers
Really far down on the Dna line and I've hit something those 2 times that feels as if it's ah it's a grief that's not mine, but it's of my lineage.

48:15.87
Gina Bloemers
Or it's a collective grief but it does seem to me now that I've really meditated about it that it's something of my lineage and it's it's something that the heartbreak grief has been a vehicle to reach that once I reach it I just go Nope I'm out. Back up to the but back up to the surface let jump swim Swim Swim. We're going back up I amm not touching that and I will say in my family. Um, it's passed down through women my grandmother my Aunt 2 of my aunts.

48:37.12
elenabox
Ah, yeah.

48:51.97
Gina Bloemers
Um, a couple of my female cousins experience it but it is this and I grew up with it as a child. It's it wasn't mine. It was never mine and I think that's what I touched and it's this fear. It's this deep fear of having no control and it's. Kind of also tied in with the fear of death which I've obviously healed a lot of and thought I was kind of you know, but they also have that and it's a fear of it's it's a deep grief along with like a deep fear that I had I can't I I had a very chill. Childhood. So did my family you know that the people in my family that that have it but it is Dna based and I think I hit it on my grief journey girl and I want to know you know have you had any experiences such as that where. You might go into a grief maybe surrounding your father or um, a partner or something and you go deep in the the grief and all of a sudden and you you're now in in a realm that is much deeper than where you started.

50:08.62
Gina Bloemers
Is that normal or am I crazy.

50:09.50
elenabox
Um, 100% this is 100 % normal I believe from my life experience I believe it is normal. And I would say perhaps the next time you have the courage to dive down back into that well and you come across that wound that ancestral Dna like wound that maybe you begin to just look at italy. Ah, be to touch it touch it with your fingers you know and start to get to know it because I think you know there's this concept of all of us here on earth we're incarnated to heal our lineages 7 generations back and 7 generations. Ah word. So. There's a reason why we I believe are given certain life lessons is to have these opportunities to heal this grief on an individual scale within our own lineage and then also on a collective scale. Um, and that's why I think that's what I think really the gift of grief is is that surely yes you can have that very internal experience of like whoa is like I'm so sad like and feeling sorry for yourself and all of these things like and that's valid too. It's so valid like do that for sure. Um.

51:31.26
elenabox
And I think what you're speaking to is sort of like that next level that next layer of grief where you start to peer down more deeply into it and it becomes really this web this like interconnected web of grief and I remember as I was going through my abortion and heartbreak last. Summer Were're coming up on the 1 ne-year anniversary of that speaking of seasons triggering grief. Um, you know as I was going through it last summer I really tuned into this web of grief of all women. It was more like collective Grief Collective Grief. Of all women who have ever gone through either the loss of a child or going through an abortion or you know, even all of the women who lost their lives and all of the women who perhaps lost their lives into just even protecting the right for other women to go through that. And it wasn't even like I was consciously being like.. Let's think about all the other women it was like I was rushed into this like sort of liminal like the void space or the Akasha or the um like a liminal space or the unified field. Whatever you want to call it.. There's many different ways we can speak about it. Um. But where I was sort of like dropped into this sea of grief that many many many other people um have have waited in and again it was a strange. Um.

53:06.59
elenabox
There's a strange sense of like service that I felt in that moment which maybe might be helpful for you to think about as you go back in is to sort of think like there's a reason I'm here you know I wouldn't be having I mean that's a hard pill for some people to swallow is to be like. You know to think well hard things happen because it's for your learning but that's really my perspective is like there's a reason why you're here. There's a reason why you're having and touching these deep deep deep Wells of grief is to transform either your own bloodline If. That's the case for you because I know that there's a lot of like. Ancestral trauma and and story in the experience of your specific bloodline and for me too. You know I I realized like I was put here to go through these deep life experiences to heal my lineage and my bloodline and and. Here's the other thing when it comes to like forgiveness I just need to throw this in there is like we can do all of this work on a quantum level getting heady here and bones take your microdoses now. Um, but we can do all of this work on um on a Quantum level. To heal our bloodlines to tap into those spaces of abandonment grief death betrayal all of those like nasty things that sort of live within our individual bloodlines and then the collective and we can heal those we can heal those experiences we can literally time hop through time and space.

54:35.73
elenabox
And heal heal heal heal and that's why we're here is like if you're if you're touching those spaces where you're like I don't know if I'm supposed to be here. It's ah it's It's almost like you're in.

54:43.99
Gina Bloemers
It's a little too much I should be reaching this. This is a little too deep you know abort Mission Abort mission.

54:49.37
elenabox
Um, you know a bor mission you're like they're surrounded by your ancestors and they're like we're so glad you came. We've been waiting like no, no, no, no, no.

54:55.90
Gina Bloemers
Um, and like I'm like but this is that mysterious cannot that was me.

55:05.51
elenabox
A bart a bar take me back. Take me back. You know and that's okay, too like you might dip in a couple more times and they'll be like Gina bloomers. We've been waiting for you and you know slowly slowly step by step. You can start to heal it and and the other thing I wanted to say about forgiveness. Also.

55:16.56
Gina Bloemers
And.

55:25.17
elenabox
I'll just say this is like even if you do all of that Quantum healing work within your bloodline within our how to say like collective all of this like but I'll say specifically perhaps to like if there's a specific individual or something where you're you know you're sort of thinking. Okay well I can heal this from the bloodline but does it mean that then I have to. Have like a relationship with this person who you know et Cetera et Cetera etc. The answer is no, you do not? You do not? You can do all of these this work to heal the bloodline to heal whatever that is and then you choose for yourself whether or not you want to. Um, accept people back into your life and it doesn't mean you didn't do the work. You know if if you're not all of a sudden like yeah, great like let's be friends like ah you know it doesn't I don't think it means that at all, you just have to practice discernment with that. But I just wanted to throw that one in there about forgiveness and then Yeah. Also to just say like it's a real gift to find yourself in that sea of grief and I remember I don't know I just wanted to share this because I just remember like as I was going through this betrayal heartbreak abortion last summer like I remember literally being here on my floor where I do all of my healing sessions and. Just feeling this like profound level of um, how do I say it like as if I was purely in that sea of grief and holding hands with all of the women who had come before me and it was.

56:58.26
elenabox
By tuning into and tapping into that sea of grief that really it gave me strength to move through it. So I think it's It's really yeah, a gift to open yourself up to all of those layers and levels of grief and then also like make sure you plan your escape route when you're ready to come out so it's like yes, go down into it.

57:15.24
Gina Bloemers
As a very second I like straight. Okay I think I've decided well feels like you either I was like okay I if I I feel that I could be extremely free from it in a new be born kind of way or I I'd die.

57:17.30
elenabox
But like make sure you it's extremely psychedelic.

57:32.47
Gina Bloemers
And I know people I've always said okay if I feel this I'm going to die I've gone through a lot of that and then come out the other side but I've never felt something quite as powerful as this it was almost solidified so it would it would really take a lot of I think different dives and I think I would need someone.

57:42.34
elenabox
Yes.

57:50.57
Gina Bloemers
Someone who I trust like you or someone that I'm close with to be in the room with me to hold the space. You know that's that's what I.

57:57.30
elenabox
Um, well I think that's the opportunity with all of life. It's like it's such a metaphor but it's like it's literally all of life is like becoming face to face with these things where you're like if I do this if I look at this if I experience this like I could die I could I could quite literally physically die and.

58:13.61
Gina Bloemers
Um, yeah, like literally heart stop for her I'm out peace peace.

58:14.62
elenabox
To do it anyway. But that's like that's the gift of like the vision quest which you're reading right now Soul craft which is one of my all time favorite books that talks about vision Quest It's literally the bible. Highly recommend. Um, it's really coming face to face with.

58:24.44
Gina Bloemers
Um, it's like the bible telling right now that book type in the bible.

58:32.93
elenabox
Those moments in life where you're like not only could am I I mean what I remember when I got on the plane when I left my mom. You know she dropped me up at the airport for me to go down to Peru I remember just crying and like holding her in my arms because I knew that I was going to come back a completely different person and the person that I was was going to have to die and I just think I am. So into the edginess of like those moments in life like I find them truly erotique and central and sexual I love it. You know I'm like yeah oh you might die grade. Let's do it.

58:58.36
Gina Bloemers
Um, yeah, you love that space you what you doing? yes and not's enough your your comfortability with death and all of the all of the things.

59:10.48
elenabox
We'll save them Well I'm just comfortable I like not comfortable I'm I'm what is it getting comfortable with discomfort like I like to lean into those edges. Um.

59:15.83
Gina Bloemers
You know.

59:25.62
elenabox
And I just think because there's so much waiting for you on the other side and I always think about I don't know who said it maybe it's like Alan Watts or one of those old dudes who's always like smoking pipes and saying philosophical things. But you know he says something like you run the fear through and what comes back as peace and you run the fear through and what comes back as peace and you run their fear through and what comes back as peace. So it's like keep running the fear through bab keep running the fear through and what comes back is peace.

59:55.21
Gina Bloemers
Um, yeah, who and we have I am floating above my chair as we speak.

59:58.48
elenabox
We have ascended you have reached yes me too. We are askedly traveling. Um, so I think that's mostly do you have any other questions before we wrap up a little daner.

01:00:13.50
Gina Bloemers
I Don't know I mean I mean I feel like we can just keep going forever with this whole topic. But um, yeah, this is your this is all your your gift is your deep knowledge of grief and your.

01:00:17.54
elenabox
I Know it's a good one.

01:00:29.30
Gina Bloemers
Your ability to move into those spaces and the way you've helped me and helped others move through those spaces and yeah I mean the way that you've helped me understand death and alchemy which I of course I've done many of my own my own deaths but you were always an integral part on the other end whether or not you were in my state or not you know I would text me to say all right I'm going in and you'd be like you can do it and just that boom it's like I can I can do it. You know and. So I personally am very grateful for the gifts you have brought into this realm and how it's helped me in my journey and um, yeah I think that I'm also on my own way to have some more you know I thought I was like I had my wake. Beginning. It's it's done now. Um I'm kind of in a second round. Well I wasn't ready for a second round but here we are and ah.

01:01:29.77
elenabox
Yeah, right? Oh you know? ah we never are. It's so awkward when we go through it again. There's like another initiation and you're like suddenly you have like peach fuzz on you know little mustache growing you like I feel awkward. You know it's like another spiritual puberty.

01:01:41.85
Gina Bloemers
I know I thought I already had a long gray beer that had grown. Um, ah apparently it's gonna get longer now here we are gonna go longer.

01:01:47.44
elenabox
Yes, it's gonna get longer you know and that's that's just it. That's just life. You got to go through it I mean and thank you so much for your reflections I feel like you know I was at this um soundbath the other night and this young woman I had just met. She was like you wrote a book about grief. She was like when i. First met you I thought you were like the most joyful like person I would have never thought that you're in this whole world of grief and I'm like well that's the whole idea man is like I that's the whole reason why I wrote the book. That's the whole reason why I do all of this work is because huh what do you say.

01:02:15.75
Gina Bloemers
That brings me to that one last question by the way sorry to interrupt you that I just thought my last question for you.

01:02:25.60
elenabox
Okay, great. Well I was just saying That's the whole name of the game is like we I do this work so that I can come into greater joy so that I can come into greater service. What's your last question. Thank you.

01:02:32.82
Gina Bloemers
My last question is grief Joy you grief joy may have you like you get into those those ecstatic places of grief where you just start cackling and you're in your.

01:02:38.86
elenabox
Great dog.

01:02:47.43
elenabox
Yeah, oh hell yeah.

01:02:50.43
Gina Bloemers
Cry laughing like you're in the deepest grief and then suddenly there is in the same in your same body now the most ecstatic joy and the most ecstatic grief in the same place and you're just like wo grief joy I feel that you have been about.

01:03:03.10
elenabox
And it's all there. There's that um, it's Regina Spector song where she says like cry until you laugh life until you cry. You know that one and and and and until my dying breath I'll put it I'll put the song in the show loads. It's.

01:03:21.69
Gina Bloemers
Yeah.

01:03:22.59
elenabox
Good song. Um, yeah I think that's a big one. It's one of my favorites. That's why I love this It's why I love what I do it's it's holding both. It's holding both joy and grief and the silly and the sacred in each hand. Joy in 1 hand grief in the other silly in 1 hand sacred in the other I don't think it's one or the other I think we need both in order to survive. It's like even in the moments of the height of joy. You know you're having the best day of your life peak life experience. There is also that sense of sorrow and sadness to know that it is fleeting and then it will pass right? ooh. Yeah, you know? and so its sad and is there you know, um, and then when you're really really sad is like also there is that.

01:04:04.71
Gina Bloemers
Oh so this page hat.

01:04:16.18
elenabox
Juxtaposition or you know to know that there is something like I love when I'll be really really sad and then something like hilarious will Happen. You know and I'm just like oh okay, yeah of course like the joy is always still there. But I think that's like sort of the The. Conundrum Something like this is like to learn how to stay with both or to hold both and to never get too attached with either of them like you've ever met somebody who's like I'm so happy all the time and they're just like oh maybe this might be a little.

01:04:43.31
Gina Bloemers
Yeah.

01:04:49.10
Gina Bloemers
A love ah lot of it with alllthough all the love light peeps. You know, well little through hectic number burn.

01:04:53.34
elenabox
Ah, little bit. Yeah like Levin Lay like everything's great and like you're kind of looking at them like maybe with a little bit of envy being like how are you so happy all the time like what's going on over there and and maybe they are and maybe they are you know, but.

01:05:05.57
Gina Bloemers
The character has.

01:05:10.12
elenabox
I Also am kind of curious like are they touching their grief like are they actually taking the time to sit with their grief at all because my my guess would be that maybe um, they're sort of like sugar coating it and they're sort of just like dumping the sugar on and being like I'll deal with it later. Everything's Fine. We can't do that either. And on the same at the other side of the coin is like if you sit with your grief. You know there's people who experience I'm forgetting the word for it. But it's um, it's like extended extended release grief where like somebody will pass. No Yeah I think you're right on time Honey. Don't worry.

01:05:38.97
Gina Bloemers
Um, me right now. Um, you know.

01:05:45.20
elenabox
Yeah, yeah, right on time but there's people who like you know you think of Queen Victoria I know you love to talk about the royals but Queen Victoria she had that extended release grief where like she really embodied and became the widow for the rest of her life. You know.

01:05:48.67
Gina Bloemers
Oh god.

01:06:00.51
elenabox
And um and it just became a part of her identity and so for that sometimes people that that happens to people will they be like my dad died and you'll be like oh you know when did he pass I'm like twenty five years ago and it's like girl like I know get with the pro. Oh god.

01:06:13.35
Gina Bloemers
My daughter died ten years ago um

01:06:17.27
elenabox
Yeah, was my dog He was my child and best friend and that it's like all right already you know I mean we can't get stuck in it. You know and so that's why I think it's so important that like with with any situation you're going through is like to allow yourself.

01:06:20.34
Gina Bloemers
All right? yeah.

01:06:33.40
elenabox
To kind of move with like these waves of you know if you're crying and you feel like laughing laugh and if you're laughing and you feel like crying cry like you know I'm just advocating for people to be completely unhinged. Um.

01:06:46.47
Gina Bloemers
Just go go from the tops of the tops and the lowest of the lows. But I think a lot of people people hang out if you look around and you go outside into the world into the city people are hanging out in this in this middle and they're they're kind of just numb. They're not. They're not in joy. They're not in grief. They're just.

01:06:50.70
elenabox
Yeah, yeah, no, but yeah.

01:06:59.67
elenabox
Yes.

01:07:06.21
Gina Bloemers
Functioning. That's what I see a lot of times when I walk out into the max.

01:07:07.90
elenabox
I think there's like a difference between like contentment. You know, like um if we think about what our friend mason taylor love super feast. Highly recommend. This episode is powered by super feastst um, we both love their um tonic medicinal mushrooms and ton of gerbs. It is taoist company. Um, and they talk about the taoists. They talk about how like you know I guess I'm hopefully I'm not butchering this but I feel like Mason's taught me a little bit of this is like the goal isn't to be like the most joyful person on the planet. The goal is to just be like in a state of contentment so that you're.

01:07:43.56
Gina Bloemers
Um, were.

01:07:45.28
elenabox
I Mean their idea is that you're never getting like so ecstatic and you're never getting so Depressed. You're just kind of like on that chill zone chill zone all the time which I think is a really nice idea for me I like to be able to I don't know go to the highs and go to the depths. But but but my goal is. For the most part I Just like to be for the most part chill but I feel like there's a difference between like general contentment and ease and being completely numbed out I think a lot of people are maybe just numbed.

01:08:12.57
Gina Bloemers
Yeah I think and ease comes from starting to dive into those higher and lower places then then you start to balance out into real that real contentment and ease versus like that kind of numbed out haven't you know having.

01:08:23.85
elenabox
Yeah.

01:08:31.10
elenabox
No I like to dive in and I like to I like to meet people where they're at because I find a lot of people are really afraid to touch those places and I find extreme joy and extreme grief to be like I said like extremely a rotique and sexy.

01:08:31.53
Gina Bloemers
Dove into those those spaces.

01:08:50.90
elenabox
Because it allows us to get into these places where we can fully embody our life experience and I think that's what we're here to do and I think a lot of people are really afraid to do either of those things So I'm over here just being a beacon of light and helping people I like to say I'm. I'm helping people become cathedrals of joy you know because Cathedrals they have the top the tippy top spires and then they've got the you know the catacombs down below. They got it all and that's what I like to help people is give them that invitation of like you know.

01:09:19.12
Gina Bloemers
Yeah.

01:09:25.90
elenabox
Creating ah and a temple of their life experience where they can hold hold all of it hold the birth hold the death me being a human is this about me. Yes, yeah, it sure as ah.

01:09:32.77
Gina Bloemers
It's really wild to be a human beinging. No I'm just saying it's wild humaning is wild winning is why.

01:09:45.88
elenabox
Well do you feel like we hit all the nails on all the heads I think you did a great job for your first podcast interview Jane you it felt great. Yes.

01:09:48.47
Gina Bloemers
I think I think we did a good job.

01:09:57.51
Gina Bloemers
Well thank you? Well thank you very much I probably will think more questions once we end but that's just how Ah, that's how we roll huh.

01:10:05.60
elenabox
We can always do a round 2 for everybody who's like but wait a lot I want to know more about you. God don't worry.

01:10:11.68
Gina Bloemers
I've got a lot. We could really go in you know more about you after we can go some personal stuff who knows the whole I really go in those are just a little warm up.

01:10:15.37
elenabox
Ah, well all right I see oh I see you I see all really oh goodness and then we'll talk about you and then we'll Talk. We'll we'll Die. We'll um. Completely dissect your hinge profile and no no. Ah.

01:10:32.55
Gina Bloemers
Oh man, wild out out there in Los Angeles I'm little scared.

01:10:43.65
elenabox
Ah, well ladies again. Jane is single will attach her social media. Um handle onto the show notes. So if you're interested. She's extremely cute.

01:10:56.21
elenabox
And um, anything else anything else you want to share with the audience like if anybody wants to reach out to you and talk about deep life experiences heartbreak or anything otherwise.

01:11:07.73
Gina Bloemers
I Love talking about heartbreak I mean you guys can all reach out to me and um, it's one of my main subjects lately. It's ah one of my biggest teachers and I'm always available to talk about heartbreak and grief and. And and that loss and abandonment and don't forget abandonment as a key one all those things I mean I'm available. You can you know you you can link you can link the grant of as a goal.

01:11:28.78
elenabox
Um, abandonment don't forget abandonment abandonment betrayal and grief and.

01:11:40.73
elenabox
I'll link everything there. The other thing is my dear listener Gina is a pro-tennis teacher. So if you're in the Los Angeles area or even if you're just like visiting and you want to take a tennis lesson I never have because I can't be a trusted around um flying balls. Um.

01:11:54.14
Gina Bloemers
Any blindness really.

01:11:57.64
elenabox
Any flying balls really is quite dangerous for me. Um, but I highly recommend Gina and the good news is with tennis I do know this. It's a great outlet for getting out your emotions most of what I know is the sounds that the tennis players make when they serve or when they hit the ball and they go like ah.

01:12:15.79
Gina Bloemers
It's like hot me Wow you have it. You did it? Yeah lot of.

01:12:18.28
elenabox
Um, oh oh so you can process your grief your abandonment your heartbreak and learn how to become a pro tennis player at the same time.

01:12:29.67
Gina Bloemers
Yes, and if anyone out there you know wants to publish some poetry or go in on some some poetic musings That's all I've been doing lately is teaching tennis and writing sad girl poetry.

01:12:42.10
elenabox
Well Gina you have some of the best sad girl poetry out there I'm very excited for your poetry upcoming poetry book we will link that in the show notes once it becomes available. So.

01:12:51.38
Gina Bloemers
Um.

01:12:54.33
Gina Bloemers
Getting there.

01:12:57.49
elenabox
Um, thank you so much Gene I'm really happy We got to sit down and have this little chat all right little laner. Thank you Dear listener for coming along for this ride I Hope it was everything you'd hoped and prayed for and more.

01:12:59.90
Gina Bloemers
Thanks bean.

01:13:11.64
elenabox
And I'm just excited. There's a lot more really fun episodes and really interesting. Delicious conversations that are coming up on this season of the o to joy podcast.