Honoring the Journey: Healing and Empowering Women after Abortion with Amanda Star Kingsley

In this powerful episode, host Elena Box invites Reproductive Wellness Coach, Amanda Star Kingsley, to share her inspiring journey of finding her muse in helping women heal after abortion. Amanda, a Certified Feminist Life Coach and Doula, sheds light on her personal experience and the emotional complexities surrounding life after abortion.

As the host of the Speaking Light Into Abortion podcast and author of the transformative book 'What I Wish: 100 love notes to help you survive, come alive, and thrive after abortion,' Amanda's mission is to facilitate a wider conversation about the unspoken aspects of this journey.

Join Elena and Amanda as they dive deep into the importance of embracing all emotions after abortion and empowering women to live the life they choose. This episode will leave you feeling empowered and remind you that healing and honoring your decisions is a beautiful part of your unique story.



Work with Amanda:
IG @ amandastarkingsley
https://www.amandastarkingsley.com/
Phone Wall Paper for Empowered Living


Amanda Kingsley is a Certified Feminist Life Coach and Doula. She is the host of the Speaking Light Into Abortion podcast. And the Author of ‘What I Wish: 100 love notes to help you survive, come alive, and thrive after abortion.’ After her own unanticipated abortion as a mother of three, she recognized the need for a wider conversation around the complex emotional landscape of life after abortion. She reminds her audience that it’s okay to feel all the feelings after abortion, and that we can honor our decisions by living the life we made our choice for. You can learn more and connect with her at www.amandastarkingsley.com 

Transcript

00:00.00
elenabox
Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to another episode of the ode to joy podcast. It is my sincere pleasure to bring on my guest Amanda Star Kingsley welcome Amanda

00:14.33
Amanda
Hi Thank you for having me.

00:18.55
elenabox
I'm so pleased that you're here today and sharing your voice with my audience because your voice is the voice that helped me through a very challenging moment in my life which we're going to be talking all about today. Um, so just to introduce our dear guest Amanda. She is a reproductive wellness coach for badass humans which I love she's the author of the book. What I wish one ah hundred love notes to help you survive come alive and thrive after abortion. And most importantly, at least for me and my experience of Amanda is that she is the host of the podcast speaking light into abortion. Yeah, so thank you? Yeah mm.

01:04.21
Amanda
Tackles All true here I am and you're Welcome. It is you know in this work. It's It's such a humbling reminder to know that you put things out into the world and that they're useful for somebody. Um. Being on the other side it can. It can be easy to forget that and wonder what am I doing So I Appreciate yeah and I'm so glad you found my voice when you needed that.

01:26.78
elenabox
Um, yes, 100 was that so to give our dear listener. Um I guess a little bit of background of of how I came to your work. Um, it was in the days leading up to my abortion and I think I hadn't really um, you know I I knew I was firm in my decision but it hadn't really clicked in yet. It hadn't really become real. Um and so I finally um I guess came to peace with it. And I thought ok well certainly there must be some amazing resources out there and yours was the podcast that I found that I resonated with because you brought on guests and and you spoke about it in a way that felt um, like you were approaching it from this this full vision of of allowing. All that is is there to come up and there to be witnessed in that experience and you really gave voice to it and allowed me I think to have my own experience with it and to really own it and to feel prepared going into it. So.

02:33.87
Amanda
Yeah, you're so welcome. Yeah, and that's really the you said to own my experience and and that's really what it's all about is because no 2 experiences are the same and it's tricky.

02:36.42
elenabox
Thank you, Thank you for what you do.

02:52.15
Amanda
Hold space for everything because human beings like boxes and they want to know where to put things and my work is like boxless. It's just this big wide open space where we can feel all the things as sometimes at the same Time. Um. I Think not just because they rhyme but relief and Grief are such a great example, you know we can have such immense relief when we choose abortion to know that we're taking Action. We are taking care of ourselves we are um.

03:16.54
elenabox
List.

03:29.70
Amanda
Making a decision and we can also have a lot of grief in that same decision. So I feel like I will go to my grave saying it's okay, you can feel all the things and you're gonna be Okay, yeah.

03:45.80
elenabox
Absolutely true and I think it's I love that you said that it is is that it's boxless and it feels so appropriate too because my last name is boxes. We're breaking out of all the boxes over here. Um, but it really is true and I feel like the experience of.

03:54.52
Amanda
Um, oh nice, you never been.

04:02.90
elenabox
Abortion is um, you know I was speaking about this on a recent episode is um, it really, It's the grief that touches all other griefs because it's so yeah.

04:09.62
Amanda
Wow I've never said it that way I don't think that's it's so so true. So true. Yeah.

04:20.85
elenabox
Um, because it's like you taste that grief and then it's connected to it's It's not only connected to your own grief The grief of of the potential life. Um, the grief I mean it touches the grief of other past. You know, loved ones the ancestors the the grief of who you could have been who you were I mean it's it's it literally is the grief that unpacks and touches all other grief. Um, so it's a big one and that's why I think we really need the tools and voices of.

04:41.49
Amanda
Um, yeah.

04:43.95
Amanda
Agreed.

04:50.58
elenabox
Other women to share their experiences and to show that we're not alone in it which you know I mean it's needed when I have spoken about this I've had so many women come to me and be like oh my God we need to be speaking about this so speaking light into abortion. That's that's it. That's the name of the game. So.

05:00.55
Amanda
For me last yeah 5

05:08.81
Amanda
Um.

05:09.30
elenabox
I brought you specifically on today because this is season 2 of the o to drid podcast we're talking all about the muse and when I speak about the muse. The muse is sort of like our inner genius what is the thing that lights us up that is sort of the vehicle for how we. Um, share our inner genius with the world and so I've been bringing on guests to talk about their experience of how they've been sharing their specific gifts with the world and I thought of you because not only because your work has deeply touched me but also because I'm so curious to hear about your specific path.

05:46.47
Amanda
Um, when.

05:46.52
elenabox
Um, and how you came into the work that you do So I'm sort of curious where were you and what were you doing before you chose to embrace this path of supporting people during their processing of abortion.

06:00.34
Amanda
It feels like a lifetime ago. Um, my path has always been really steeped in um, all kinds of reproductive care. So it was very active. As a birth Doula I went to midwifery school. Um I was doing some childbirth ed like my world has always been very centered in the womb and pregnancy and birth and like in that regard I was pro-choice by like. Default like if I have two choices I pick that one but I in many many years of exploring reproductive health I never thought much about abortion I think to be honest, looking back I was like a little scared of it.

06:37.95
elenabox
A hole of worth.

06:55.47
Amanda
Um, now I know why because it is so big and complex and it asks us to answer questions that we don't want to face. Um, so I did have a real I. Always been interested in reproductive health like literally since I was but a kid. Um, but abortion was the thing that again I just didn't I kind of set it aside and checked the Box. Of course you have a right to choose? What's right for your body.

07:16.92
elenabox
Are.

07:31.77
Amanda
Moving on who wants to have a baby serve in my lens. Um and I was you know it I have some shame to say it now but I didn't know any different than I hadn't been challenged with.

07:35.62
elenabox
Um, right? yeah right? right? yeah.

07:50.10
Amanda
The experience or the right questions in the past I was the person who said like I wouldn't choose that for myself, right? like anyone should have access to abortion for whatever reason they need it but I wouldn't choose it for myself. So. I Also tend to be a personality who learns things. Um the hard way. Shall we say um and I really think that pregnancy came to me for this reason I think this was.

08:12.77
elenabox
Um, ah yep, yep you? um.

08:27.28
Amanda
Hear its way of like have I got some work for you and you're not going to step into it unless you experience this yourself I never would have touched abortion with a ten foot pole until I went through it. Um, and. You know in my book I call my unplanned pregnancy like a result of the immaculate iud removal I um I was I was on my second. Yeah I was on my second iud I had one between.

08:54.41
elenabox
Um, Wow tell me more.

09:03.35
Amanda
Had 1 between my daughters. Um, who are teenagers now and then I had one inserted after my son was born and it was in place for 2 years and so I wasn't you know like it was awkward for me to reach the strings in chech. Check the strings and like you just if it's worked before and it's been working you just assume it's working. So um, yeah I call it my immaculate iud removal because it still doesn't make sense to me. I'm the person who like when I got pregnant I felt the egg implant I remember watching finding Nemo with my kid and my dad and being like I think I just got pregnant like I think the egg just implanted and I was I was pregnant like I'm very in tune with my body. So the fact that this piece of metal could.

09:48.70
elenabox
Yep yep.

09:58.49
Amanda
Fall from me without me knowing just like blew my mind and whatever humans live messy lives and we miss things that are very obvious but it just felt like such a spiritual calling to this work that I could not know this happened also.

10:14.73
elenabox
Lahar.

10:16.68
Amanda
When I had my first iud removed I'm sure many of your listeners have had ah iuds or thinking about getting iud. Um I think it's a great form of birth control. Um, the insertions were uncomfortable but manageable the removal of my first. Iud was horrible like so uncomfortable and so the fact that this one could fall out without being knowing was like what is happening here. Um, so this is my extremely long way of saying I think I was.

10:40.16
elenabox
Are you.

10:46.41
elenabox
And here.

10:55.43
Amanda
Called to this work right? like um if you listen to my podcast or read my book that baby has a name and I do call it a baby. Um I think she has her hand in this work I think she makes connections for me. Ah.

11:12.42
elenabox
Um, full.

11:13.94
Amanda
And it sounds kind of crazy. But I Just I think that's what it is and I I don't see her I don't hear her I don't like I don't sit down and meditate to connect with her I'm not I'm like kind of on that edge of I believe it and. And don't really need to know more I Just follow it. So I think that's how I landed here sharing this work with the world was my willingness to follow the call.

11:48.32
elenabox
That's just it and that's when we read and we talk about the muse and the inner geniuses um is that it's a call and sometimes it's a whisper and sometimes something has to happen to literally so say you.

11:53.89
Amanda
Yeah, sinces still match I D removal.

12:04.42
elenabox
Some kind of strange intervention comes in something and you get smacked in the face with like oh my God I have to I have to follow this path and you know it's It's so interesting as I've been leaning into an embracing bringing this into my work and it just like it's like oh duh it makes so much sense like I work in the world of.

12:06.38
Amanda
Yeah.

12:24.26
elenabox
Ah, you know being a death doula and helping people process their grief and um so it was like of course the universe came through and was just like yep you're going to need this one too. You're goingnna need to put this h.

12:32.77
Amanda
Yeah, exactly That's exactly what it felt like you're gonna need this one to yeah.

12:41.33
elenabox
Like you're going to need this one in your back pocket also honey like you're going to need to know what that what that feels like to have a very lived experience because you know it's sort of like when I talk about grief with anybody who hasn't experienced the loss of a loved one.. It's like you can you can. Think you understand what that is to lose someone you love you know you can Imagine. Oh I Love my grandma so much and I would be so sad without her but until you go through actually sitting with Death. You don't really know what it is so this layer of. Abortion and and and I think it also at least in my work. It also moves into the spaces of of pregnancy loss in any capacity because even though there are there are nuances and differences within both paths that it it is still in my mind. How do I say I don't want to say it. It is a loss. It is a death. Of some kind and so there is that common thread there but it is just interesting how we need to kind of go through these experiences in order to gain the tools to then be able to serve them to other people and of course we can't always decide how it happens. Um, and here we are though we're here to to say Yes, Yes, Yes, yes, ladies you too can go through this and I've been through it and here are the tools. Um, so that leads me into my next question of um, so once you had heard the call and um.

13:59.17
Amanda
Um, yeah.

14:14.20
elenabox
You know were you hearing the call as you were going through it or can you walk me through a little bit of that process of once you heard that like how did you then choose to follow it and then were there any um, blocks or obstacles that you faced in embracing this work.

14:31.90
Amanda
Yeah I try and be careful when I talk about following the call because I don't I don't think we have to follow any calls I Um I think I still.

14:38.77
elenabox
Ah.

14:47.86
Amanda
Know my spiritual belief around this. But I think we do come with no I don't think I know I don't know if we all of us come as humans with a purpose I don't know I don't know if we come and we're supposed to find some call I don't know if like. If we're paying Attention. We'll see what our calling is I'm very much a person who's like this is an opportunity to take a call. This is an opportunity to choose a purpose is this the purpose you want to choose.

15:15.78
elenabox
Of.

15:23.68
Amanda
And I think life gave me an invitation and it's tricky because I'm the one who I think introduced the language of like I was called to this work. But I just want to be really clear that like I don't It's so.

15:34.78
elenabox
Um.

15:39.38
Amanda
If you get called to some kind of work and you don't want to accept the call like you don't have to you don't have to and also if you never get a call you can make one you can just choose 1 you can pick one and and follow it. Um. So there's that piece of like yes I accepted the call to this work. Um, because I wanted to like there must have been a part of me that wanted this because there's.

16:10.26
elenabox
Well, as.

16:14.90
Amanda
Things that have happened in my life that could have become callings but there's a desire in me to be of service in this Way. So I think for anyone listening thinking about like what's my Genius I want to share with the world. What's my story I want to turn into something. Just remember like just because you've had an intense story doesn't mean you have to turn it into something. Maybe your calling is to just let it sit and be with you until you pass like I don't know. Um so I feel like I didn't answer your question because I really needed to say that. No I don't know what your question was.

16:50.69
elenabox
Yeah, no I love that I Love that too. Yes, you know I have this sort of obsession with like mythologizing my life I'm like this is gonna be great for my biopic you know and I'm kind of always ah you know and then let it took this turn and then an adventure happened this way and so I love that.

17:06.87
Amanda
Um, yeah.

17:08.50
elenabox
You know truth bomb of like yeah absolutely and also you don't really need to and also maybe you're just a collection of experiences. Um I think though when it yes, all right? Let's hear it. Let's say you're.

17:16.17
Amanda
I Do know what your question was now and I do have an answer for it. Um, so I had started. So Um I had started training with with um. In the path of life coaching when I had my abortion I also was actually in a I was in it with a network marketing company um selling traditional Chinese medicine which I still take every day like the most amazing product and I love it and that was another thing I said I would never do.

17:42.46
elenabox
Nice.

17:50.27
Amanda
Until I did um so again, that's a pattern for me is like I will never do that and then it becomes this like massive passion of mine so I was in school because I knew that like from my dula work and my network marketing work like.

18:09.51
Amanda
So many threads in my life were like you're a life coach Amanda I was like that's dumb what is that I don't want to be a life coach but I had um I had shifted into accepting that calling choosing that purpose when i.

18:14.18
elenabox
Um, observe.

18:28.53
Amanda
Had my unplanned pregnancy. Um, but I did not put the 2 together at all. Um, when I had my abortion. The thing that was clear to me was.

18:45.38
Amanda
That I was supposed to write down pieces of what was happening and that is not my book. You know you'd think like oh you wrote a book. It must be a memoir I actually wrote like 40000 words of a memoir and it's just sitting there and never did anything with it. So. And I I might go back to it. But when I had my abortion it. It was super clear to me that I was supposed to like write down what was happening I was supposed to like document all the pieces of the chaos and the complexity and so I did do that and I thought I would just write a book about it and move on. Like I didn't think it would be sort of like a life path or a long term thing but I it did feel clear to me that I was supposed to write about it. Um, that was over six years ago and I don't.

19:41.39
Amanda
I Don't know how to describe how it felt clear I just knew I Just knew that I should start documenting and I did um but again I thought I would just publish a book and move on.

19:47.15
elenabox
First.

19:54.86
Amanda
And then like I said I was in school for life coaching and when I completed school and sort of moved to how to build a business. She assigned us that you know should we choose to accept it that the task of picking a niche and just. Sticking with it for a year and I sorry to clear my throat. Um, we pick I didn't know what to pick right and had a lot of past experience and right around the time she asked us to do that. Some I had written an article in mothering magazine actually not an article really it was a very short article. But after my abortion it was before Christmas time and I got this sort of download of a piece and I wrote it and I remember. Sending it. It was right before Christmas and I remember sending it to mothering magazine being like I just wrote this thing and I feel like someone needs to hear it and they they didn't publish it until Valentine's day but I had just put out that piece and. Somebody messaged me and was like oh my gosh I had an abortion. Can you help me and I was like of course I can help you so I had already put this piece into the world I had faced the trolls um was it was ugly I mean it got shared not a ton but like maybe.

21:20.00
elenabox
Ah, oh win. Yes, yes.

21:26.83
Amanda
600 times five hundred six hundred times um and there was a lot of hate and I like was managing that on social media and in in the comment section for mothering and so it started like kind of publicly. Put myself out there and then this person was like can you help me and so I just repeat I think following a calling choosing a purpose is just following the puzzle pieces like you can hear There's a lot of puzzle pieces happening and I was just like oh I think.

22:01.32
elenabox
Okay.

22:04.79
Amanda
This one goes with that one and this one goes with that one and I just started linking it together and then um I made a commitment to a year and I stuck with it and now of course I'm still sticking with it but I could have given up so many times.

22:17.44
elenabox
He is still here.

22:24.13
Amanda
I could have walked away so many times I still ponder walking away at least once a week sometimes once a day. Um, so that's another piece of like following a calling or choosing a purpose is like the permission to I give myself to quit.

22:29.48
elenabox
Her over.

22:42.70
Amanda
Is Actually what keeps me going like I don't have to do this I don't owe this to anyone I don't owe this to myself I don't owe this to that baby I don't This is a choice I make every day because I want to um. But as long as the puzzle pieces keep directing me in this direction I'm going to keep going.

23:06.54
elenabox
Wise words spoken. Ah Wow No I mean I need I needed to hear that because I think there is also that pressure that you know we put on ourselves once.

23:06.70
Amanda
I I liked and how long have I been talking now. Sorry.

23:21.58
elenabox
You know we're like okay well I I have all of you know there's a puzzle pieces together I have it all together like I can do this but then I love that you know permission. How did you say permission to quit permission to yeah permission to quit is like you can do that at any time and that it's a choice to continue to show up.

23:33.00
Amanda
Where ah yeah, yeah, it's huge I have ah um I have a freebie on my Instagram and probably somewhere on my website I don't keep track of where things are anymore.

23:40.63
elenabox
It's huge because it can also feel dawning.

23:50.51
elenabox
I'll find it and I'll link it in the show notes.

23:51.00
Amanda
Um, it's in a link somewhere and it's like a phone wallpaper. So um, it has 5 boxes like I don't know if you've seen it. But there's like 5 check boxes that you can. Um.

24:01.32
elenabox
I was looking? yeah.

24:07.45
Amanda
Sort of lay as your lock screen on your phone and they guide me every single day and the first I thought of this because the first one is I have permission and so sometimes I open my phone and I'm like I have permission to feel what I'm feeling I have permission to quit. I have permission to keep going I have permission to that's like 1 of the ways I keep um, you know when I talk about it because if you download the you know the link with things I have a little short audio about each of these. And we don't need permission as humans, but we want it and so it's okay to want permission and then it's also okay to give yourself permission. So um, yeah, permission to quit is huge permission to feel.

24:46.52
elenabox
Oh yeah.

24:55.50
elenabox
You lias.

25:02.96
Amanda
And abortion is huge. Huge huge huge.

25:05.92
elenabox
Yeah I mean that's the thing too is I think that's why your work is so important is because I mean I have friends of mine who came to me and said you know I had an abortion this many years ago and I never really processed it I'm so I'm sort of curious. It's it's it's like a little tangent but I'm curious. Do you have women who come to you.

25:16.87
Amanda
Yeah.

25:24.90
elenabox
Years Maybe even decades after.

25:26.90
Amanda
Decades yeah decades. Um I definitely have had 2 clients um thirty plus years after their abortions. Um, it's such a. Strange thing too because it is just a thing that happens. It's a circumstance. It's a fact, it's an event. Um and some people move on and never think about it and some people have an abortion and it completely changes or multiple and it completely changes. Trajectory of their life. They're always trying to prove themselves. They're always trying to um, find forgiveness. They're always trying to hide. They're always and so yeah I have worked with people decades later. Um. And work with people before their decision. Ah you know any any timeline you can imagine and it's different for everybody. Yeah, it's it's an impactful life event. How did you word it at the beginning of this. This recording? Yeah it is um, ah a transformation a life transformation that touches all things it asks us to look at ourselves in so many different ways.

26:40.10
elenabox
It's the grief that touches all grief. No.

26:49.10
elenabox
Her.

26:55.57
Amanda
Um, the second box on my phone screen is I access perspective right? And so that again it asks us to look at our lives from so many different angles like how else can maybe should I look at this. Like how what other perspective can help me through what other perspective is trying to teach me something like um, it is such a raw and vulnerable life event for many many people.

27:28.67
elenabox
And it carries ripple effects as Well. You know I've found that the moment I feel I'm I'm in a pretty good place I've processed this something will happen and and the ripple I mean that's grief. It's like there's the ripple effect. Sometimes it's a huge fricking tsunami and other times it's just like. You know you've dropped a little stone into a pond and the ripples come back and you go Oh Okay I'm feeling something there and so still to the to that day this happens you know and it comes back a little ripple sometimes a huge wave and I think that's the hugest part and I'm so glad that I've sort of taken it as the opportunity that it is that it was.

27:49.83
Amanda
Um, yeah.

28:05.69
elenabox
To really engage my emotional spiritual self to see this as an opportunity for change for growth for expansion so that I can process it as it comes So I'm so I'm just you know so that.

28:19.26
Amanda
Um, now.

28:21.80
elenabox
30 years down the line I'm not going oh my god this huge this huge thing happened in my life and where was I you know I was brushing it under the carpet. So that's that's why I think this work is so important is to give people those tools to find perspective and be able to. Move forward in their lives with this not to not to just leave it behind but to carry it with them in a way that I think that a way that can be really empowering.

28:46.68
Amanda
Yeah, yeah, the third box on my phone screen is um is about perseverance I choose perseverance and it's like and I bring that up because it is. I am still and I talk about this every day all day and I'm still unfolding pieces and angles of my story that feel different. Um when I chose my abortion I also chose to have my own back and having my own back means no matter. How many times this comes up I'm Goingnna face it I'm gonna walk myself through it I'm gonna hold my own hand I'm gonna have compassion I'm not going to beat myself up because I don't know I could wake up I I'm in my 40 s. Who knows maybe in my fifty s I'll become some like right-wing Christian and I'll have to go through all of this. It is highly unlikely, but letting that not like assuming I don't know gives me so much freedom.

29:47.81
elenabox
E.

29:57.35
Amanda
And I will have to like I have 3 kids 2 are teenage girls I've walked through. Um you know like what does this mean if they have an abortion. So Let's just say one of my kids has an abortion I'm gonna have to look at this from totally new angles. Totally new perspectives. And the perseverance to go like um, a lot of times I'll have clients who are like oh no I've been there I've done that I did that work I'm done. It's like no no, no, no, no, no,, There's no such thing as done perseverance as like I'm sticking with this I'm sticking with me.

30:23.73
elenabox
Um, no no.

30:35.26
Amanda
No matter what I'm gonna keep having my own back. Um, there's no, there's no finish line you cross where you've healed from your abortion I do call the word healing and I do think you know I like the word but there's no end point. It's not like.

30:37.40
elenabox
Oh huge.

30:54.33
Amanda
I'm I'm all put back together now I'll be fine. A lot of people. It comes back up when they have another pregnancy or a miscarriage or they're trying to plan for a family and struggling to get pregnant.. There's so many reasons a new relationship. A new partner. Again, Like I said like a child moving through their own reproductive stuff. There's so many times this will come up from a different angle in a different way.

31:24.11
elenabox
The way that I'm viewing it as you're speaking is it's really like having a Kaleidoscope is one of those you know like ah you extend it and you you know what? a Kaleidoscope is right? but like we're viewing all of life with this Kaleidoscope and then.

31:30.90
Amanda
Um, yeah, totally.

31:37.11
elenabox
You know something will happen in life and then the the view shifts and it changes and it'll never be the same and you find new perspective and the light comes through it in a different way in a different angle and you go it just illuminates all these other areas that perhaps we never even knew were there because how could we until we face it and that's grief I Mean as you said you're never.

31:42.48
Amanda
Um, and.

31:51.29
Amanda
Um, yeah.

31:56.38
elenabox
You're never completely healed from Grief I think it just adds I Want to say it like it just adds more flavor to who you are as a person and and of course when you're going through it. You're like I don't want any more flavor like please this is too much but I think it gives us a depth a depth.

32:08.66
Amanda
Um, hey.

32:13.94
elenabox
Of experience and that's the way that I choose to see it because it you know it. It gives me that perspective for me Personally, you know, um I have a few more questions for you before we rack up with it I mean there's so many more questions I have um.

32:20.54
Amanda
Um, yeah, yeah, okay go ahead. Um.

32:31.62
elenabox
I Guess the first that I am sort of interested in is actually and and you can see how how much you want to speak to this but I am actually really curious about the the moment that you did choose to embrace this work because it is a highly politicized ah topic and it's it's you know up for to. Debated amongst religious circles. All of these things I mean it's a very um you know I guess like polarizing subject and as you said you did face trolls and so I guess I'm sort of curious. Um, what has your experience been with that and how do you navigate that. And you know did you face any sort of fear in moving through that and really accepting this on I mean even I'm just curious like even for your own safety for your own personal safety of perhaps being targeted.

33:18.25
Amanda
Yeah, um, well again, there is no Moment. It's every day showing up and still like committing and recommitting um but at the beginning there was. A lot of overcoming fear for me I had an abortion with three kids. So um, the biggest fear I had to overcome was safety like am I putting my family at risk and I still feel that. Actually came onto this podcast like physically shaking because I read an article in our local newspaper and this has nothing to do with abortion but it was about like that stupid anheiser Bush Trans can like the whole thing Anyway, it was a local article and like. A local a local store was saying our sales dropped because people are boycotting I'm like you mean we have hateful people in our community who won't buy stupid beer they like because and. It sounds unrelated but it's all always related and it just I live In. Um I live in a really unique place in the country that is insanely quaint, insanely safe Statistically I'm talking About. Um.

34:42.99
Amanda
It's very liberal it like I couldn't be safer doing this work and I came on like shaking because I remembered that I'm not safe like I remembered there are people in my community who are hateful. There are people in my community who won't drink a stupid beer because. Um, one Trans drank the same beer like so that wasn't the biggest hurdle for me was like am I put putting my family at risk and again I'm talking about a hurdle from a very cozy place like.

35:16.73
elenabox
For love.

35:19.76
Amanda
Ah, wasn't much of a hurdle. Um, but overcoming that fear is just a constant process but it was the biggest most like um, tangible work I had to do but the other big fear work for me was am I gonna. Say something and regret it am I going to say something and change my mind about it am I going to say something and evolve my thinking and then someone will only ever remember me as the person who said it two hundred episodes ago or whatever it is that I still face every day.

35:50.94
elenabox
Is worth.

35:57.88
Amanda
Um, but all the answers to those questions are the answers that I'm actively keep teaching and coaching my people through right? like what does happen if you say something and you regret it. What does happen if you make a choice and you regret it. What does. Happen If you have shame about blah Blah Blah So I have the tools to move through all the fear because those are the tools I teach the tools I help people through um, some people come to me and they. Want to do abortion work. They want to turn their abortion into something public in this way and the only way to do it and I do think there's nothing wrong with it. But I Do think some people come at it before they're ready like you have to be willing to. To do the work on yourself all the time every day all day if you're not willing to do that. You probably like probably isn't the best choice for you? Um, you have to be willing to be Uncomfortable. You have to be willing to like realize that.

37:04.81
elenabox
Um, and.

37:12.26
Amanda
The thing you're struggling with is the thing that you teach and that sucks and you're an idiot because you know I'm not saying I'm just saying like right those moments where you're like are you kidding me? This is a shame issue like I'm the queen of unshamming. How can I have a shame issue right now.

37:19.95
elenabox
For sure.

37:29.39
elenabox
Um, yup, yeah.

37:34.13
Amanda
You and that's the perseverance right? Is it just like you keep showing up no matter what you keep showing up. Um there There's no moment that this work was a clear path. It's just. Every day being in it and being like am I still doing this yep I'm still doing this here we go what am I gonna feel today. What am I gonna face today. What am I gonna experience today I have no idea I no idea you have to be okay with the unknown. Which is the essence of abortion right? when you make that choice. You have to be okay with the unknown I was genuinely like ninety seven ninety eight percent sure I was making the right choice right? choice. Whatever that means i. Had to be okay with that 2% that might have sent me into a deep dark depression and I never would have felt this like I don't know like we have to be okay with the unknown.

38:42.10
Amanda
It's crazy stuff.

38:42.53
elenabox
Wow True words of wisdom. Thank you, Thank you? Thank you? Ah I mean then that's the lifelong journey is getting comfortable with uncertainty and all of those kinds of things the unknown gosh it's.

38:48.20
Amanda
Praising. No.

38:57.17
Amanda
Transmitter.

38:59.73
elenabox
It's um, it's a deep subject. It's a deep. It's a deep journey being with the unknown. Yeah Wow Oo Oo you've given me and our listener so much to really digest and so thank you, Thank you? Thank you? um.

39:04.35
Amanda
Um, yeah, yes.

39:12.34
Amanda
And you're welcome.

39:17.33
elenabox
And I'm sure whoever is listening if they are resonating with with your work. Can you let us know what are a couple of ways that people can reach you and how can they work with you.

39:30.30
Amanda
I'm a big fan of Instagram but you can Google I joke but it's true. You can just Google Amanda Abortion you're gonna find me in like a million places. Some of them are sketchy. Like hater pro life articles. So go have fun googling those um I am so accessible. But I am Amanda Star Kingsley everywhere it is actually my middle name star sort of semi hippie parents.

40:01.38
elenabox
I Love it.

40:03.75
Amanda
Um, Amanda Starkingsley on Instagram and like basically everywhere else. That's my website I'm really really easy to find I'm really easy to message I'm really easy to access the podcast like you said is called speaking light into abortion and that is. In all the podcasty places I'm yeah um, well that's interesting. You're asking because I just recently made a shift I used to only sell um, coaching packages and um.

40:24.32
elenabox
And how can people work with you.

40:40.27
Amanda
Harley this is a shift coming of my kids being on school summer vacation was like what's going to be different partly. It's a shift of like the economy is different now i't there's a lot. There's a lot of things but I have shifted to um, sort of setting my calendar up like.

40:44.47
elenabox
Whose name This is.

40:59.16
Amanda
Like I would ah like a therapist would I have open sessions and you just book a session or you book 10 sessions I have clients who work with me and then move on to just general life coaching and we can always reference back to abortion if needed. Um I'm really easy and. Fun to work with and we laugh and we cry and we break through barriers. Um, but yeah I am still mostly working 1 on 1 and then if you just like me and you don't really want to talk about abortion or you do I actually have a now a $9 a month membership.

41:35.15
elenabox
I was curious about this tell me more.

41:39.11
Amanda
I'm not one um and it's tiny right now. It's $9 a month I get in there I live group Coach I post daily like we just talk about all things life and that's sort of like a lot of us in there are going through perimenopause and all these. Reproductive things that we go through like they do stir up old stories. But Also it's just like Okay, what's this unknown I'm stepping into now. Um.

42:04.38
elenabox
Is.

42:08.60
Amanda
So I kind of opened that space up because I wanted to talk more about all things life and all things reproductive health and I'm moving through perimenopause myself and I was like I got to figure this out with some other people who want to talk about it. So.

42:20.69
elenabox
Yeah, 100% moving through it with people who want to talk about it also and it's it's all the same thing. It's like let's talk about the things that nobody's talking about and find the tools to guide ourselves through it and hopefully help somebody else along.

42:25.75
Amanda
Wow.

42:31.37
Amanda
Yeah, exactly yeah I share really funny stuff in there really crazy stuff in there. It's fun. Yeah I know who knows I'm like.

42:38.83
elenabox
As well. Mr.

42:43.51
elenabox
Oh it sounds Juicy I Love it.

42:49.33
Amanda
Always changing stuff So by the time someone listens to this like everything could be different who knows.

42:56.50
elenabox
There could be new offerings. We don't know. But definitely if you're listening to this in the year Twenty fifty go check out. Amanda's website no but I'm I'm sure you have um I'm sure that the people who are ready to receive you in whatever way.

43:01.61
Amanda
Yeah I Yeah exactly.

43:11.96
elenabox
Um, you're ready to receive them. It will be connected and it's all gonna be just how it how it's meant to be so I will link everything that you mentioned in the show notes. So everyone can find you and I'm just really really so thankful for your willingness to come on and have this.

43:18.85
Amanda
Um.

43:28.29
Amanda
Um, yeah, thank you so much. It's been spreadly been really, really nice I Always learn new things as I'm answering someone else's question I'm like oh that's how I feel about that that makes sense now.

43:29.76
elenabox
Discussion I Really appreciate it. Thank you.

43:44.80
Amanda
So and it's healing to be on both ends of the podcasting journey.

43:47.15
elenabox
Um O I agree I agree. Well it's been an absolute pleasure.

43:55.42
elenabox
Um, and thank you for listening dear listener This has been another episode of the ode to joy podcast.