The Ode To Joy Podcast
Welcome to "The Ode to Joy Podcast," a thought-provoking and uplifting show dedicated to exploring the transformative power of creativity, self-expression, and the pursuit of joy. Join us as we embark on a journey to discover the hidden depths of the human spirit and the boundless capacity for personal growth and fulfillment.
In each episode, we dive deep into the stories of remarkable individuals who have embraced their internal muse or genius. Through their trials and triumphs, we explore the obstacles they faced in nurturing their muse and the strategies they employed to share their personal genius with the world.
We believe that every person possesses a unique wellspring of creativity, waiting to be tapped into. Our guests share their firsthand experiences, guiding listeners through their own creative journeys, and providing invaluable insights and inspiration along the way.
From artists to entrepreneurs, writers to musicians, and thinkers to dreamers, our diverse range of guests offers a kaleidoscope of perspectives on embracing one's passions and cultivating a life of purpose. We delve into the pivotal moments that sparked their creative awakening, the challenges they encountered, and the profound transformations that occurred when they wholeheartedly embraced their authentic selves.
"The Ode to Joy Podcast" celebrates the joy of self-expression and the extraordinary beauty that unfolds when we dare to follow our creative impulses. Through engaging conversations, we explore the importance of cultivating resilience, overcoming self-doubt, and persisting in the face of adversity.
Whether you seek inspiration for your own creative endeavors, encouragement to embark on a new path, or simply a dose of positivity and upliftment, "The Ode to Joy Podcast" is your go-to destination. Join us as we embark on a voyage of self-discovery, where the pursuit of joy and the celebration of personal genius reign supreme.
Tune in, open your heart, and prepare to be inspired as we uncover the remarkable stories of those who have embraced their internal muse and illuminated the world with their personal genius.
"The Ode to Joy Podcast" is available on all major podcast platforms. Subscribe today and embark on a journey to unleash your creative potential and find your own Ode to Joy.
The Ode To Joy Podcast
Resilience For Holiday Grief: Softness, Boundaries, And Rituals
Grief can feel louder when the world turns up the volume on cheer. We’re naming that truth and offering a different path through the season: not forced positivity, but resilient presence. As a shamanic practitioner and grief doula, I share how resilience in grief isn’t about “being strong.” It’s about staying soft enough to feel and steady enough to come back to yourself, again and again, even when the calendar and the lights say “be merry.”
We unpack why holidays amplify loss—rituals, anniversaries, family systems, and the pressure to perform joy—and how to navigate the first holiday without someone you love or a last holiday you’re savoring. You’ll hear practical grief rituals you can start today: lighting a candle, setting an ancestor plate, writing letters to your loved one or your future self, cooking the dish that carries their story, and taking a gentle “grief lap” walk after the meal to digest food and feelings. I offer boundary scripts that protect your energy, permission to leave early or skip traditions that hurt, and ideas for creating new, simpler rituals that fit your real capacity.
We also dive into nervous system care with somatic tools and sensory supports: four-count breathing, one-minute shaking and stretching to move stuck emotion, herbal allies like chamomile, rose, and tulsi, the comfort of warmth from tea or a heating pad, and grounding with nature or a weighted blanket. Community matters too—text a friend to witness you for five minutes, sit in a support circle, or visit a spiritual space where you can arrive as you are. And a gentle reframe to carry with you: joy is not betrayal. Laughter, warmth, and small moments of light can live beside sorrow without canceling it.
If you’re craving deeper support, I’m opening a limited number of intimate one-on-one sessions this winter with somatic and shamanic tools, emotional processing, ancestral connection, and integration guidance. Join my newsletter at elenabox.com for first access. If this conversation helped, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more grieving hearts can find their way here.
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Welcome to the Ode to Joy Podcast, a show where we talk about joy. How do we cultivate it? How do we maintain it? And what are the things that get in the way? I am your host, shamanic practitioner, and grief doula a letterbox, coming to you with another very special episode from our series all about resilience. I hope you enjoy. And this week we are talking all about what resilience actually means when it comes to grief during the holidays. Boom, boom, boom, boom. You know, ho ho ho. We got a lot of feelings and they're all coming up all at once, right? Um, this is a really tender time. So if you are, I don't know, a human on earth with any human emotions and experiences, right? Um, possibly, most likely, there's gonna be stuff that comes up around the holidays. So this episode is for you. If you're actively grieving a loss, a lot, the loss of a loved one, or perhaps you're even in anticipatory grief, um, you know, a lot comes up around the holidays, end of the year. So if that's you, just imagine we're sitting together, we have a little cup of tea, we're wrapped in a blanket, and we're just being together in this moment. So um, you know, the holidays have this way of magnifying, you know, what's full and what's empty. So, you know, we're in the middle of winter, and so there's so much going on. And at the same time, the earth is kind of barren, everything is uh, you know, cold, and um, the earth is in this, in this state of, you know, fallowness, you could say, or the void. And so if you're grieving or you're bracing for a loss that hasn't happened yet, you know, you're not alone. You're not doing it wrong. There's plenty of other people who are also going through it. Though I know that walking through the winter in the cold can feel like you're just, you know, like the little match girl, you know, like the little match girl on the corner all alone with just a single match to light the way. Um, and I've been there. Listen, I have gone through many, many years of anticipatory loss, um, but then also just the loss of estranged family, which when we have holidays, we often remember moments of togetherness and rituals and traditions. And when we're going through loss, um, we have to reframe it and we have to find ways of coming through it and perhaps even creating new traditions. And that can feel super awkward and even really painful. Um, but that's where resilience comes in. So that's the whole name of the game, the theme for this season on the podcast. And let's just go ahead and we're gonna bust the myth about resilience. Okay. So resilience does not mean you're so strong, which could also mean you're just pretending that you're okay, right? That's not resilience, is just being like, yeah, I'm muscling through, everything's all right. You know, people like you're so strong. You're like, actually, I'm in a pit of despair and everything is actually pretty terrible. And like maybe you're even a little grinchy. Um, more so I would say resilience in grief is about staying soft enough to feel, and steady enough to come back to yourself again and again. So I'm gonna say that again. Resilience in grief is about staying soft enough to feel and steady enough to come back to yourself again and again. Okay. So it's a big one, right? Um and especially when we're in anticipatory grief, um, the way our bodies and and spirits begin grieving, you know, long before the loss occurs. So we can be in that place where it's almost like you're in a holding pattern as well. Um and so that's where having this anchor of you and in your body and these little practices um that really bring you back home. So let's talk a little bit about why the holidays amplify grief. I just touched on that a moment ago, but you know, rituals and memories. So all of these things of like, well, we always did this with grandpa and we always had that with, you know, Aunt So-and-so, and and you know, the food that you eat and all of this. So even the smells um come along, or even the the feel of the air outside and things can bring you back to certain moments. Um, and it's strange because we know that the holidays are coming, right? Like we have the calendar out. We're like, I know it's coming. It's the same thing that that comes up around, you know, death anniversaries and uh birth uh anniversaries, things like this, where you know it's coming and you're kind of bracing for it, but you also don't know what to expect. And so you don't know really how to take care of yourself as it's coming up. Um, but we know it's there. And that's why I'm offering this episode is to just kind of let you be or help you to be armed as you're going into this, so that as it's coming upon you, you're not like, oh, and then it hits you. And you know, I always say like the wind blows in a certain way, and then you're right back there in your grief, and you're, like I said, kind of just like lost out at sea without a paddle. Um, so yeah, all of those things can can activate um grief. And the other whole part of it, we know it. The family systems get activated when we're sitting around the dinner table, right? Um, things get activated. People are also in their own emotions and in heightened states. And we can't control or um take ownership over other people's reactions and how they move through the holidays. You know, it's tough for everybody. And so the way that I'm imagining is almost like we're we're in like a pinball machine and everybody's just like pew, boom, boom, pew, and we're just like ricocheting off of each other. Um, and so yeah, that's it's it's a very real thing. So again, finding ways to come back to yourself, being steady enough to come back to yourself again and again, staying soft enough to feel, yeah. Oh my gosh. Um, then there's also that pressure to be joyful, right? When your heart is in this huge state of contraction, everything's like, it's holly, it's jolly, it's merry, you know? And you're like, I am the antithesis right now, you know, like I am full Grinch. Nothing in me wants to be Holly or Jolly, like take the lights down, whatever. You know, you know that maybe there's this little glimmer in you that wants to feel that, but at the same time, your inner landscape is maybe the exact opposite. So again, there's that pressure to be holly and jolly. And the truth is also you can be honest with where you're at, you know. So when people come up to you and they're like, How are you? You know, if they know that you've had a had a significant loss or perhaps somebody is is ill in your family, you know, how are you? You can be honest, you know, you don't have to be like, yeah, I'm so excited. I decorated the tree, you know, I whatever. And it was great. You can be like, you know, it's I'm having a tough time. Um, and be honest, be honest with where you're at, if it's in a moment and with a person that you feel um safe, to be honest with. That's a really, really important, um, important part of it. So the other part about why holidays amplify grief is again, it's this it might be the first, you know, it's the first holiday without your loved one, or it might be the last holiday with your loved one. So there is this um sort of pressure to make it special in a way. Um, and I remember when my father first died, I think the first year or the first Christmas without him, I I think we just kept it really, really simple and we didn't put a lot of pressure on ourselves to, you know, recreate anything. Um, I think we just did what felt simple and and and handled it with care. And um we rented a house upstate so that we weren't in our family home just so that it was something completely different. Um and that was actually really nice. We built fires, there was a h a hot tub, and you know, anyway, that's my first, that was my first holiday without my dad. Um, but again, if this is you and you're having your first holiday without your loved one, um, find even just a little way to commemorate them. That might mean creating an ancestor plate. So when you're having your family dinner, just creating a place for them. Um, because I think what's so important, especially with our ancestors and those that we've loved who have who are no longer with us, is we don't have to forget them. We don't have to brush it under the rug, you know, even if it's just creating a little altar in your home with candles around the holidays and just inviting them in is such a crucial step in and just maintaining that connection. And then the other flip side of the coin is if it might be your last holiday with your loved one, um, you know, how can you spend time with them in a way that feels like you're really honoring the moment and also not putting so much pressure on yourself to get everything right and run around and get all of the food and all of this, you know, keep it simple, keep it practical. And again, make sure that you have the ability to check in with yourself and come back to um, yeah, your North Star of like, yep, I'm in my body. Here I am, I'm breathing. Breathe, remember, okay? Um, and also just know the whole spectrum of emotions is completely it's normal, right? It's it's shitty, but it's normal, right? So you might feel numb. You might feel angry, right? You might be overcome with laughter and joy and actually really enjoy it. You're like, this is this is great. You might need to withdraw a little bit, you know, you might want to spend more time alone. Um, and then there also might be a part of your heart that's really just longing, just longing for them, for what was. Um, and that's that's okay too. Doesn't mean that it's easy, but that's okay too. So here's some practical tools for navigating grief during the holidays. So again, I've touched on this. It's it's the bare minimum holiday practice. So I'm inviting you, you know, what is the minimum to ask yourself, what is the minimum I actually have capacity for this year? Okay, so normalize doing less, right? Less gatherings, simpler meals, smaller circles. Like just keep it bare minimum. We're doing the thing, but it's the bare minimum holiday, okay? And then the other thing, uh practical tool for navigating grief during the holidays is create a grief ritual. Okay. So, like I said, um, we don't need to just brush it under the rug. Um, here's some options for what you can do for a grief ritual is you know, light a candle for the person, you know, or the situation that you're grieving. Um, like I said, place an empty chair or a photo at the table that might include a little ancestor plate for them. You know, you might people might be like, well, what is this? You know, but you know, have a sense of humor about it. Um, and it's okay. We can do that. Um, another another tip is write a letter to your loved one or even to your future self. So there is a reality where your future self is five years down the line, 10 years down the line, and holidays are gonna look a little bit different. And I know to be true from my own experiences that, you know, it does get easier. It doesn't mean the grief ever leaves you. Um, it just changes and you find ways of getting through it. So write a letter to your future self, right? Or write a letter to them, say, hey, you know, I miss you. You know, this year we're doing this, and I really wish you were here. You know, or even if you're angry, be like, you know what, I'm really pissed off you're not here right now, you know. Whatever that means, write a letter. Um, another great tip make or you know, eat a favorite dish of this person who passed, or um, you know, find one of their meals that just reminds you of them. So for me, um, it's my father's pecan pie. My my sister tried making it at Thanksgiving this year, and I love you, but it wasn't exactly that. So it wasn't, it didn't hit. So this year for Christmas, I'm gonna try to make his pecan pie. And then for breakfast on Christmas Day, um, I'm gonna make his juevos arranchos. Um, so that's just my little way of yeah, keeping him, keeping him with us, keeping him close, and starting sort of new uh family traditions with my family now. So another, this is another one of my top tips, okay, as far as grief rituals go during the holidays, okay? Take a walk. Take a walk with the family. We'll call it a grief lap, right? After your holiday meal. You guys have heard about like the cousin walk, right? When everybody goes, they sneak off and they get a little, right? This is gonna be just a grief walk and don't overthink it. Don't be like, we're walking and every step is in remembrance, right? We're just gonna take a walk, okay? Great for digestion after a big holiday meal, and also it helps to kind of put things into perspective. It helps you kind of walk out whatever feelings have arisen during the meal or during the day together, maybe the stress of it all, right? Go take a walk, even if it's a walk around the block or walk to a certain landmark, um, and do it as a family. Do it together. You might walk along the way, you might walk in silence. And I would recommend one more thing is take a photo, take a photograph so that in the future you look can look back on that and go, God, this day was so hard. And here we are. Okay. We're taking a grief lap. Okay. So those are some of my top tips about how to create a grief ritual during the holidays. And then the next part of it is how to protect your energy with boundaries, okay. So again, there's a lot of expectations that come up from our loved ones, from you know, our community even, and we want to show up, right? And it's also so important to be honest with where you're at right now. So have sort of like a script that you can follow, right? So if somebody's inviting you to something, you can just say, hey, listen, you know, my heart's a little tender this year and I'm listening to what I need. I'll be keeping things simple, but I'm sending my love, right? Be honest with where you're at, acknowledge the invitation, but also acknowledge that you're doing what needs to be what you need right now. I'm keeping things see, I'm keeping things simple and I'm sending my love, right? Here's the other great part. So if you're if you're new to the grief club, just so you know, you have a permission slip, okay? To leave, leave early, leave the party early, do an I an Irish uh exit, an Irish goodbye, as they say, right? Um, you can leave. You can take care of yourself. There's no expectation for you to be there longer than feels good for you. The moment that you feel that, like, uh-uh, like I think I'm done with this, go. It's okay. You get the get out of jail free card, like pretty much for quite a long time. You're just like, you know what? My so-and-so died. I'm I'm good. I'm I'm ready to go. Another thing, give yourself permission to skip tradition. So if there's certain ones that feel complicated or jagged, or you just know that you can't bring yourself to do it, skip it. And the other uh suggestion I had that I mentioned earlier is maybe you create a new one. And even if it's super duper simple, right? Maybe it's the grief lap. You're like, this is a thing, now we do it, and that's the new tradition. Okay. So the next thing that I would recommend is having certain supports around. So um sensory and somatic supports, really, really great. So remember your breath work. You can always do the four count breath, which is counting in for the beat of four and then counting out for the beat of four. So nice little four count breath. The breath work is great, even if you need to, you know, go to the bathroom for a minute. You're like, I'm just doing a little breath work, right? Okay. Simple movement for when the grief gets stuck. So oof, right? When things are getting rigid and you're like, ooh, it's happening. Like I'm getting stuck. It can stuck in the throat. It can get stuck in the chest, you know, wherever. Really simple. Just get up and do a little shaking, a little somatic shaping, shaking, bounce on your heels, maybe even put on a song, a little jingle bell, jingle bell, whatever it is. Shake it out, shake it out, right? Stretch the body a little bit, even just opening up your chest, taking your hands behind your back, interlacing your fingers, and take a little lean back. Open up your chest, open up your throat, stick out your tongue, right? So all those things of the things that we're not saying, that we're holding, keeping close to our chest. Just let it out. Ha! Just like literally stick out your tongue and let it out. Okay. Another good ally to have are your herbs. So remember, keep it simple, keep it nice, right? A little bit of chamomile tea, a little bit of rose tulsi, right? I have been loving a little like Vermont maple ginger. It is so nice with a little warm milk. Delicious, okay? Great for calming the nervous system. And then finally, we have grounding tools, okay? So the earth. We love Mamagaya, right? So keeping your feet on the earth again, going for your walks, being near the water. Um, but then also those sensory items like maybe a heating pad. Gosh, we love a little heating pad, that little bit of extra warmth and support on either your belly or your back, um, even like a weighted blanket, double points, weighted, heated blanket. I don't even know if those exist, but it sounds pretty cool. Um, and then finally, we have um connection practices. Okay, so if you're in that moment where you're out to see, you know, without a paddle, text somebody. Okay. I know it can be the hardest thing to do when you're in that moment of crisis, but send somebody a message, be like, listen, I'm having a little bit of a griefy moment. Can you witness me for a second, a second? Like, can you witness me? Can you hold this for? Do you have five minutes to hold this? I'm just having a moment, you know. Can you breathe with me? Okay. So reach out. And obviously goes without saying there is support out there for you. Okay. So attend a support circle, maybe even a spiritual service. You're like, I've never been to church or temple before in my life, but like maybe now's the time. Maybe now's the time. And you can just sit there and listen and just be open to it because I think more than anything, having community around is huge. And also being in a place where you can just show up as you are without any expectation is really huge. So let yourself be held, even if imperfectly. Okay. And remember, joy doesn't mean you aren't grieving. Okay. So, you know, I'm a big proponent. I mean, we are this is the Ode to Joy podcast, after all. So remembering that we can hold the sadness and we can hold the silliness. Okay. We can hold the joy and the sorrow, right? Remember that joy is not betrayal. Okay. You don't have to feel guilty for having a good time, okay? And it can come and it can go. All right. So here's just a little moment of guided reflection, a little mini meditation. So I'm gonna invite you to just close your eyes down. This will only take a couple moments. So the eyes can close unless you're driving a car, in which case, get eyes on the road. Take a moment to feel into your feet. Take a moment to feel into your breath. So taking a deep breath in and taking a deep breath out. We're gonna invite the presence of your loved one in, or even your elder self, okay? So inviting in your loved one, their presence, or your elder self watching over you. Staying with your breath, deep breath in. And deep breath out. Bringing a gentle smile to your eyes. And repeating a mantra to yourself that says, I'm allowed to be exactly as I am. Nothing needs to be performed. I'm allowed to be exactly as I am. Nothing needs to be performed. Closing out your practice, taking a deep breath in. Stick out the tongue. Opening up your eyes once more. And coming back into this space. I am so grateful that you joined me here for this conversation. And listen, I just wanted to let you know if you're listening and you're craving deeper support, I'm here. You know, I'm opening up a very small number of one-on-one sessions this winter. And so this is it's a new offering that I'm having. They are intimate and tailored spaces for people who are moving through grief, through transformation, through anticipatory loss, or, you know, just needing a place to land. Okay. So I'm going to be sharing the full details soon. Um I'm keeping my client load intentionally small, right? Um, I'm a mama. And um, you know, we want to make sure that these sessions stay potent. Um, so if you want first access, uh, make sure you're on my newsletter list and I'm gonna be announcing my availability soon. Um, so you know, make sure you're on that newsletter list. And just so you know, you know, these sessions, um, they're gonna be really potent, okay, because they're different than my normal session if you've ever come for them before. Um, and so what you can expect is sacred space, right? First and foremost, right? We keep it juicy, we keep it nice, lots of candles. The ambiance is great, okay? You're gonna expect somatic and shamanic tools, right? Emotional processing, ancestral connection work, right? You know, your missing grandma, let's let's call her in. Let's see what she has to say, let's see how she wants us to move through this. Maybe there's specific tools that she has for you, okay? Then you're also gonna receive practical guidance for integration. You always get your integration guide after every single session. And then you also get a follow-up, right? So these are designed to be really wonderful, juicy um places to come, receive a session, and have ongoing support. So that's what I wanted to share and offer with you. Make sure you're on the newsletter list, sign up, alanabox.com. I'll also have the link in the show notes. So make sure you're on the list so you get that full, you know, the full lowdown and you can sign up for a session if you are feeling called. And remember, you can come in person at my studio, Callibe Commons Ritual Studio, located in Port Washington, New York, or we can do a Zoom session. Okay, just as potent. We're just entering casually the quantum field. So we're gonna close it out there. It's been such a pleasure. I hope this has been that warm cup of tea, that cozy blanket. Um, I hope, I hope you think of me as a friend, you know, because I think of you as a friend. Um, and just to let you know, okay, I am loving on you so much. Thank you for your strength. Okay. Grief takes stamina. It ain't no thing, right? And just remember, this season might feel different. That doesn't mean you're broken, okay? It just means you're alive and in your own heart. Okay. So always remember, I am here. You can reach out, you can book a phone call to just even check in, be like, hey, I'm thinking of working with you. Let's chat. Even if you're even just want to talk, I love a phone call, okay? And then also, you know, join the newsletter. We got some juicy stuff on there. I am not a fan, generally speaking, of email. So you're only gonna get one once a month, right? I never spam, okay? The only time I spam is when we're putting it in a nice warm pot of Buddha Jege because mama loves a Korean stew. Anyway, sending you so much love, and I'll talk to you again very soon. This has been another episode of the O to Joy podcast. I really hope you enjoyed it. And if you did, do us a favor, throw us a little review, maybe give us a couple of stars. I mean, I suggest five, but it's up to you, maybe like five and a half. I don't even know if that's an option. But listen, I just appreciate you and thanks for tuning in. Tac to you soon.