Resilience Isn’t Stoic; It’s Returning To Yourself When You’re Triggered

We explore resilience as the act of returning to self when triggers, change, and grief surface, using a candid story from our multigenerational home and practical tools to recenter. Joy and grief travel together; small embodied steps create space, clarity, and repair.

• taking the result as the path as a daily practice
• balancing motherhood and work while rejecting perfection
• multi-generational home dynamics and compassionate repair
• naming the wobble without dramatizing it
• grief, death cleaning, and the emotional labor of objects
• letting go as love, not erasure
• somatic resets that bring you back to shore
• journaling prompts to turn insight into action
• joy and grief as companions, not opposites
• resilience as devotion to your life

Practices / Journaling Prompts

• What am I ready to release right now?
• What feels heavy that doesn’t need to be carried?
• Where can I create more space — physically or emotionally?
• What helps me return to myself when I’m triggered?

If this has been beneficial for you, reach out let me know how this landed for you let me know what tools really resonated with you and also if there’s anything that you’re like actually "I felt like that was a crock a BS"  -- let me know!

 www.elenabox.com

It would mean so much if you could drop us a review maybe throw us a couple of stars if there are five of them even better!

Transcript

Framing Resilience And Joy

Elena Box 0:31

Welcome to the Ode to Joy Podcast, a show where we talk about joy. How do we cultivate it? How do we maintain it? And what are the things that get in the way? I am your host, shamanic practitioner and death duela, Elena Box, coming to you with another very special episode from our season, all about resilience. I hope you enjoy. So in today's episode, we are talking about resilience as the practice of staying on your path, especially when old triggers, family dynamics, or moments of self-doubt resurface. And I'll be sharing a little personal story about navigating change, incite a multi-generational household, and how grief shows up in unexpected ways and what it actually looks like to return to yourself in real time. We'll also talk about letting go emotionally and physically and how creating space can lead us back to embodiment, clarity, and joy. All right. So if you are ready, we are gonna buckle up, make sure you got your little bevies on hand. Maybe it's a cup of tea. Uh for me, I am having the the trinity of beverages. I've got a little coffee, I've got some water, and usually it's either a juice, but today I'm having a little post-workout smoothie because mama went and did a little workout today. And you know, here I am, just being a mom, little mom preneur over here, bumping iron. And I'm really happy to be here with you again. So it's been really nice to put myself back in the saddle, giddy up, let's start recording every week. And it's been great to get feedback from you and hear how this has been landing for you. So thanks so much for joining. Let's dive into another episode on the Out to Joy podcast. So today we're gonna be calling back the episode from last week. So if you didn't hear it, uh, it was all about taking the result as the path. Now, this is a uh concept within Buddhism, essentially putting yourself in the place of being that which you intend to be. But being, you know, if we think about it in terms of, you know, the Buddhist uh way, they are really embodying uh the Buddha consciousness. And you can insert here, you know, maybe it's Christ consciousness, maybe it's you in your best, most wonderful, embodied self. You know, you are kicking ass and taking names, but also being kind. Like it's you, top of your game, glowing, flowing, like it's you in the glow up. Okay, so that was the entire conversation last week. And we are really leading from that place because that is where I have been sitting lately, and really being in that spot of putting myself in that space of I'm taking the result as the path. And anytime something tripped me up, I'd say, I'm taking the result as the path. And so as I'm getting dressed in the morning, like today, I almost went for something. I almost even didn't shower after my workout. I was like, oh, we'll just record the podcast and we'll do it stinky, you know. But then I thought, let's, we're taking the result as the path, Elena. So what did I do? I took a little rinse, I moisturized, I put on some red lipstick, and I put on an outfit. Right now, you can't say me, but I'm wearing my power color, red, obviously, and some leopard print pants. So we are taking the result as the path as we speak. So, to give you a little bit of a frame for this week, what sort of came up for me around all of this was balancing motherhood and career. And so, as I'm doing this, you know, I was talking with a mom friend of mine, and you know, both of us are trying to balance being a mom, doing that well, and also having a career, building our businesses. And it's wild because we both feel like no matter how hard we try, we're kind of failing at both. It feels like we're failing at both, but I think actually the reality is we are building resilience as we are continuing to show up at our capacity and doing our best while simultaneously also taking care of ourselves, our families, our relationships, our homes. I mean, I got a couple loads of laundry that I'm doing. So it's it's been an interesting practice this week about reminding myself that I'm taking the result as the path. It's tough sometimes. It's tough to be like, let's take a look in the mirror and see how things are going when I'm wiping noses and, you know, making multiple meals a day. But that's where it has been landing for me. Um, you know, I'm still seeing clients, I'm still working. So uh it's so important for me to continue to stay stay really sharp and show up for myself so that I have the capacity to hold space for my clients and be a wife, a mother, a householder, all of the things. So let's frame it in this way resilience, it's the theme of the season on the podcast. Resilience is staying on the path, not being untouched by it. Okay, so again, we go for progress, not perfection. And that's that's where it's really anchoring me this week. And so I'll share here's my little personal story. So maybe you know I live in a multi-generational household. Now, I don't know where you're finding this at. Maybe you're also in a multi-generational household, or maybe you also know what it's like to really be in deep relationship with your elders and with um, you know, the people in our families that really, wow, they know how to get you. They know how to kind of trip you up. And God bless uh, we love my mother. She's a wonderful human being. If you're listening to this, she probably isn't, but I think a couple of her friends are. Hello. Um, don't tell her we're talking about her. She's a wonderful, wonderful grandmother, Abuela, and she helps out with the baby a lot. And we, for the most part, have a really nice relationship in the home. She has her own little space downstairs. My husband and I have the whole upstairs, and then we have really like the common space in between. And so, you know, as we find with these things, with being in close proximity to family, maybe you just you're like once or twice a year, that's it. That's all I can do. And even then, oh my God, it's wild how the slightest, even like a look, even, you know, maybe there's just one thing they know how to get you. So we had uh a little slip-up the other day where I am trying to make more space in the storage space in my basement because this is, you know, Calliope Commons Ritual Studio where I see clients, is in the basement of my home. And it's cute. We got a nice little window. I'm actually sitting here right now in front of my beautiful window and talking to you. So it's a gorgeous space, and as things happen, we need a little bit more space. So right now, there's a lot that still is in the basement. So I just want to find you, hopefully, where you are. And maybe you've also had a similar experience of, you know, perhaps going through your parents' home and maybe after a loss or a change, or gosh, even just moving, moving houses. Maybe you, maybe you went through all of the things of your childhood home. Like it's intense. There's a lot of emotion that comes with all of it. And so I, you know, kind of really lightly just said, hey, there's a couple of two or three things down there that I really I know that you're not using, and I know that you possibly don't even know exist. Like they weren't even her things to begin with. But for some reason, that was a big trigger for her because I think it's threatening to her that we are here and she doesn't want to feel that she's being pushed out of her own home. And also we're in this really big moment of change where we're all navigating being here together. Um, and so we have been through a lot of change in this house. So it's my childhood home. We've been here for, I guess, over 36 years. And so this house has seen me through my childhood, through my father's death and illness and and and all of that, and all in between. We've even had multiple tenants living here. And so so much comes up when it comes to change in the home. And my gosh, have we done a lot of work on it? So, of course, this tripped me up. And as she was getting more triggered, then I was getting more triggered because, you know, it's I I'm like, I love change, I love change. And then of course, the next time a huge change comes, I'm gonna like, gosh, why did I say I love change? But I do, I like being on that edge of gosh, of comfort of like, how can we push through what feels uncomfortable and sticky about this and hold ourselves with compassion as we are witnessing ourselves, you know, being face to face with sometimes some very real pain as we go through, especially physical items. But what happened is what happened is with this compensation with my mother, she got super triggered and you know, she went for she went for the jugular and she said to me something along the lines of like, you know, what are you doing with your life? Uh, you know, you guys just got a sauna. What are you doing with your life? And my God, that the this got me in that space. It got me in the space of not enoughness, failing, um, you know, being uh, how do you say, reckless, you know, and and I had to, gosh, I I had to, we de-escalated, and just so you know, we repaired. And of course, you know, really important to come to repair after having sort of heated uh discussions. Um, but both of us were just like, you know, and a bunch of a bunch of wild cats out in the night, just scratching at each other's eyes. Um, but we we repaired, and I had to kind of sit with that for the rest of the day and notice what was coming up for me. And it was all of those like ooey gooey, nasty feelings of inadequacy, of imposter syndrome, and all of the ways in which it's kind of like, you know, the voice goes, Who the hell are you? You're living in your mother's house and your office that's in the basement, you know, all of these nasty thoughts. And then I have to kind of, ooh, ooh, we're gonna catch it here. And I had to remind myself, hello, Elena. We're taking the result as the path. And so not viewing any of where I am in my life as a sense of failure, but really I had to kind of step back and go, you know what? If we're thinking actually just of the sauna, like this is a huge moment and it's it's changed for her too. You know, she's always looked out at the same view, and now we have this gorgeous cedar barrel sauna that is great to sit in. And my husband and I have been sitting in it schwitzing every night, and it's been great for my mental health, it's been great for my, you know, relationship to myself and my husband. We've also had some wonderful friends in there, and so I had to diffuse this trigger and put myself back in the space of I'm taking the result as the path. And here I am, and actually I feel really good about where I am right now, and actually I feel really good about the decisions that we've made and how we're settling into this home together. So I hope this lands for you. I hope perhaps um perhaps you saw a little bit of yourself in this. Maybe you've also had these kind of heated discussions um with family members when they just they go over the thing that you might have been like, I thought I already healed this, right? But they find a way to just get underneath the skin. And I was glad to kind of move through it. And and I think what I really did there in that moment, which which this might be useful for you, is naming the wobble without dramatizing dramatizing it. So we're naming the wobble, and we're like, whoa, oh, you almost got caught up there. You almost got caught without dramatizing it, right? So, like the old me might have been like, all right, let's go. You want to talk, right? And we would have been off to the races. Those cats fighting in the night. I mean, wow, who knows where they might have ended up. And so this is this is the work, okay, of moving through difficulty to find greater joy. And then she and I had a wonderful little hug and we and we repaired because both of us, you know, we're not always our best selves when grief comes up. And I talk about that a lot in my book, Grieve Outside the Box. So sometimes we might not even be aware, you know, that we're triggered and we're, oh, we're gonna say the thing, but that's where this practice is really important is we're naming the wobble. So the moment that you're like, uh-oh, I feel like I'm tatering, we're just naming it. We're like, okay, so that's that's what's happening right now. So this is all about returning to center, okay? Using the tools in real time, remembering I am on the path. Okay. Resilience as the act of coming back, you know. I had a friend of mine years ago uh when I was briefly living in Australia, and um, you know, I was going through a severe, I mean, it was right after my father had passed, and then I went through a breakup and gosh, I was out to sea. I was out to sea, and she was actually a French uh woman living there in Australia, and she told me this story about being out um surfing and then having the lifeguard being like, come back to and she's saying it in her French accent. I'm gonna maybe butcher it, but she was like, Come back to shore, come back to shore. And so now anytime I start to find myself going out to sea, I just think of this lifeguard saying, Come back to shore, come back to shore. And she was basically telling me, like, Elena, you're kind of getting off, you're getting off track here. You got to come back to shore, come back, resilience as the act of coming back. I am on the path. Resilience as the act of coming back. So I wanted to lead this into a little bit more of a discussion around grief and also around death cleaning. So, as you'll know, I'm like, I love to talk about change and grief. And and gosh, do I love to talk about death? My goodness, am I popular at a house party? So I've had a couple of friends and clients come and speak to me about this experience that they're going through of really having to go through the items of a loved one who has passed. And so maybe this is you. And again, maybe it was grandma's house, and maybe, you know, who, whenever this has landed for you, and maybe you've already gone through it, or maybe you're kind of dreading going through it, or, you know, find where you are within this story. Please, I'd love for you to come along for the ride, maybe take a sippy of tea. Let's buckle up, all right? So we went through, you know, my father passed 10 years ago now, and it took, I'd say, at least a year before we could even begin to touch any of the stuff. So something I want to offer to you, if you're going through this and so-and-so has just passed, if there's no real rush or time limit, like we got to get out of the house by this date because it's da-da-da-da-gotta sell, or, you know, the rental or whatever it is, if you have time, especially if if you can grant yourself or that person who's who's really deeply connected to them, their spouse or whoever it is, give themselves some time and some space. I think, especially from a spiritual perspective, you know, the soul stays really close to home and close to earth right after they pass. And so, you know, listen, again, trust where you are, trust your own intuition. I really want you to feel grounded in whatever decision you make, but just know that there is no rush. So if it's one week after the person passes, even two months after the person passes, things are still settling energetically. And so, you know, you can do light changes, little changes, but it takes time to also, you know, go through all of those things and to be ready to go through all those things because going through it, yes, it's intense, but also there's so many gifts that come up. And it might not just be, you know, finding, oh my gosh, here's that thing that, you know, you you you come back face to face with memories from years ago, decades ago. And that requires holding of yourself as well. And there's so many gifts, emotional gifts, spiritual gifts that come through, come from going through all of that. And to rush through it to me is is such a waste because it's a real opportunity that can also be a real aid in your grieving process. So something that I shared after my father's 10 year anniversary last week on the Instagrams was that, you know, when I share about his passing, it really is, you know, I hope it is a teaching tool. And and, you know, sometimes I get a little bit overwhelmed because then people reach out and they're like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss, da da da, which listen, I'm so grateful. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. If you reached out, and another thing that I spoke about in this post was that, you know, the reason I share about this and the reason that, you know, if you were listening to the podcast last week, I barely even noticed that it was the 10-year anniversary. And that is because my grief was a grief well grieved. And gosh, did I take my time? Oh, yeah. I really, you know, I really was able to take my time with it. And I let myself go through so many avenues of grief. And so that I can come out on the other side and say, hey, there's so, and throughout, of course, there's joy. But my work is really in how can we move through difficult life transitions and come out on the other side with like, yes, you know, yes to life, yes to joy, yes to all that it is to be human, which is the heartbreak, the loss, the sorrow, and it is that belly laughter fall on the floor like roll raffle, you're raffling, you're rolling around on the floor laughing. And and it is those peak life experiences. It's the catharsis, right? So let's bring it back. I've gone out to shore. I've gone out to shore, Laina. So we're coming back. So let's talk about how, you know, certain objects they hold a lot of emotional labor. So you might find a certain thing and you're like, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to to either let this go or rehome it or or or even find a new place for it in another space, right? Just acknowledging that a lot of things hold a lot of emotional labor. So, so grief isn't just, it's not just loss, it's also transition, which is this letting go. So letting go is an act of love and not erasure. Erasure, erasure, erasure. So listen, when it comes to, you know, my own personal experience with this, we ended up having to do a lot of family therapy around it because, you know, my sister and I were in a place where we were ready to move forward. We were ready for the house to have a new life after everything that we went through. And it took a bit of time for my mom to catch up. Uh, she's a Pisces, she's a water sign, and for her, you know, it takes time for her to even go through like one box of things. And so it we had to find a really delicate balance of how to push without being too pushy and without pushing her over the edge. Um, and then also allowing her to have that time to process in her own time. And that being said, we're now 10 years down the line. There's still so much. It's an old house. I mean, the house itself is a hundred years old, and then, like I said, we've been here for 36 years. So there's still a lot to go through. And here I am, back at back again over 10 years later, you know, we're still adjusting because the house is in transition. You know, we had my my husband move in here, and then he has all of his stuff. Um, then we also have, you know, his grandparents' stuff. And so we're in this new new stage. And so to remember that as you're going through things, even if you're just in your own house and you're clearing things out because it's, you know, whatever, winter cr winter cleaning, remembering that letting go is an act of love and not. erasure so you can pick and choose what feels really you know right to have in your life now I love the work of Mari Kondo she her work was really really helpful to me as I was going through the everything in the house the first time around and gosh it's it's a continual process and so if you're unfamiliar she what is it the the art of tidying up the magical the magical art of tidying up she also has a Netflix series and so her her main practice and it's actually very spiritual anytime she goes into somebody's house she acknowledges the spirit of the house and she bows to the house she gets down on her knees and she literally bows to the house love her and her main guideline for going through items is does this spark joy now it might seem and we love joy this is the O to Joy podcast after all but listen come back to come back to shore as you're going through things because your mind might go, oh but this, this, this, this, and what about that, that, that, and what if I ever need blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Listen, if you haven't thought about it or seen it for however many years and it's not something that you want to have in your life every single day, it it can be let go of, right? But that doesn't mean that you're erasing the memory of, oh, but so and so gave this to me and if I if I if I give it away or throw it away it means some kind of betrayal. It doesn't. It's okay we can let it go. So again change reactivates old grief. That's just it's the name of the game and that's why I wrote the book Grieve Outside the Box. That's why we have all of the tools is how can we come back to center as we're going through this huge, huge, huge waves okay we're we're apt to say we're going through the wave. So so resistance often masks as as unprocessed feeling. I'll say that one more time resistance often masks as unprocessed feeling. So anytime you're coming face to face with with one of these things where you just feel your whole body tense up like notice yourself somatically as you're going through this process. Okay. When you notice that your whole body is like okay that means probably it's probably indicating so towards some type of unprocessed feeling okay so this is where the tools come back into hand in handy essentially is how can you move through that process the feeling be with whatever that is and if you're not in a moment where you're like listen I got five minutes I can't I can't process this right now you know maybe you take that object or whatever it is and you know you say okay tonight I'm gonna light a candle and I'm just gonna let myself feel what it is to feel and then make sure you have like a little treat a little treat for afterwards maybe it's an actual treat like a little brownie or piece of chocolate or maybe you take a bath and you're like tonight I'm gonna oil my feet. I'm gonna take really good care of myself okay so remembering that you can honor grief and choose joy. It doesn't mean that when you're going through and you're sitting in your deepest darkest depths that I have any expectation of you sitting there and staying there for a while. Now yes sometimes we are in these processes in life where we're we're really in the SH at we're in the the mud okay what I encourage you to do most often really is finding those little bits of joy finding those ways of coming back to center and finding those little glimmers those things that kind of land you back in the space of possibility of positivity. Okay so remember small embodied steps matter. Keep it simple my my favorite thing like anytime I start overcomplicating things is the K-I-S-S. Keep it simple stupid like I I have to remind myself of this all the time. Okay so let's bring it into practice. So I have a couple of journaling prompts for you. Remember if you're listening to this no pressure to write them down. They are all in the show notes and maybe you go in take a look and you can put it in your notes app, put it in your journal, save this bookmark this for later and be like, okay, tonight or tomorrow morning when I'm sitting with my cup of tea or my coffee, I'm gonna choose a couple of these to dive into. So I'm gonna speak them out loud perhaps you even just let them land for yourself as you're listening. Maybe you think sort of to yourself what your response might be. And again you can return to this anytime are you ready? Let's get question number one What am I ready to release right now? What feels heavy doesn't need to be carried where can I create more space physically or emotionally what helps me return to myself when I'm triggered okay so take it take it and run with it all right I'm really curious to hear how this lands for you please reach out let me know um again we're on this path together so I'm really happy to be here with you and you know doing this messy thing called life with you. And so here we are at the end of the episode and so I just want to really close the loop of the conversation which is that resilience equals devotion to your life we're gonna let that one land. Resilience equals devotion to your life and now wherever that finds you where are you in your life okay find yourself there now center yourself come back home and remember that resilience equals devotion to your life and also knowing that joy is not the opposite of grief. I can remind myself I can remind you all of this day in and day out joy is not the opposite of grief okay it it it's it's all together right it's it's sort of has this symbiotic relationship and so both can exist at once. So I always say that I hold the sacred in one hand and the silly in the other and both of them are there and it and it really just includes everything. It includes all of life so remember that we can stay stay embodied through transition. We can stay embodied through change and just a gentle reminder because this is from me to you also me to me so I'll be listening back to this later is a gentle reminder my friend you're doing enough you're doing enough okay so everything that you've done uh in your life leading you to this place where you are now you're doing enough yes my friends I did my best and my best is good enough okay and then to just round it all out we're naming the the episode once more which is that resilience isn't stoic it's returning to yourself when you're triggered oh my lord oh my lord here we are together so this has been once again such an absolute pleasure to come to your little ear holes and grace you with my gorgeous voice and if this has been beneficial for you go ahead and maybe reach out let me know how this landed for you let me know what tools uh you know really resonated with you and also if there's anything that you're like actually I felt like that was a crock a BS you know let me know. I'm so I'm so open to this being a dialogue because I love when I hear from you and I hear how how this is all landing. And then also just a reminder like I said at the beginning uh you know I'm taking people I'm taking people in to my uh ritual studio here on Long Island New York in Port Washington a close walk from the Long Island uh railroad station at Port Washington accessible by Penn Station in Grand Central if you want to come through I'm here I can also do Zoom calls by the way okay we got the zoom calls we can do it anytime okay so if you are looking for ongoing support I'm also offering these mini immersions so if you're not quite ready to dive into a two and a half hour shamanic energy medicine session where we, you know, we're gonna deep dive no matter what but I have these 90 minute sessions and then I also have hour sessions if you just want to kind of every week come in and again we're bringing all the tools together here. So we are bridging heaven and earth why not casual we're calling in the ancestors we're seeing how the energy is really moving within your own body right now and then your guides um your celestial spirits any any specific uh deities that you want to call in they work through me to you so we work we work to find greater balance greater um really resilience through the body and then you're always given an integration guide personalized for you and an integration call afterwards. So you know I always say uh when we do this work, I imagine that everybody is kind of like a little babybelle cheese. And so if you know the babybell cheese you're wrapped in wax and so we kind of like pull the wax away and we open it up and we do all of the work and at the end we we cover you back up in wax so that not actual wax my friends it's energetic wax and so that you're not walking out here like like a spiritual energetic Swiss cheese. You are really solid and you have actionable tools to continue to move through your own change whatever that is. So if it's deep grief or you know maybe you've lost a job or you're you're in some kind of huge life transition like that's my juice. I love it I love it I love it. And I love to help people move through it somatically spiritually with access and and really being informed by their um celestial crew. So it's some it's the work that I do is it it blows me away every single time and it's such an honor to hold space for um the wonderful people like you that come in to receive. So again you can check out all the information about that on www.alenobox.com and listen this has been again such a supreme joy and I hope that maybe it's given you a little pep in your step and that you have a beautiful rest of your week and I will be talking to you again very soon. This has been another episode of the Ode to Joy podcast. It is my sincere joy to bring you these episodes every week and listen if you feel called it would mean so much if you could go ahead and you know drop us a review maybe throw us a couple of stars if there are five of them even better. And just sending you so much love I'll talk to you again very soon